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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > When should a mature lady become more proactive?      Home login  
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 traveltrekker
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 101
When should a mature lady become more proactive? Page 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Or maybe it was the grilled lobster dinner I cooked on board my yacht in a secluded cove.


Yeah, that always turns me off.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 102
When should a mature lady become more proactive?
Posted: 2/10/2014 3:18:30 PM
Thank you bucsgirl.

Not after 2 dates - after 5.

And yes traveltrekker - The lobster was delicious.

Recipe.

Take raw, cleaned lobster tails.
Make a mixture of butter, garlic, lemon and parsley.
Put over lobster and heat.

Marinate cook well with French champagne and charming male company on a yacht, at a calm anchorage, in a stunning waterway on a sparkly summer day.

Once everything is heated to satisfaction.

Enjoy.
 Princess12524
Joined: 12/23/2013
Msg: 103
When should a mature lady become more proactive?
Posted: 2/10/2014 3:47:12 PM
Sorry that it didn't go further but sounds like a lovely interlude.

I mean change your ways of thinking & doing when I say work on yourself...

You sound very accomplished & maybe have to choose by diff criteria, or whatever.

I do not think in this case it was what you did, it was just him...

In the meanwhile, Happy Birthday & enjoy the show with your friend!
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 104
When should a mature lady become more proactive?
Posted: 2/10/2014 4:26:07 PM
Thank you Princess.

For the record my criteria are:

SINGLE - as in not married, attached, separated (unless everything is sorted).
NO KIDS - children must be independent, over 18 or non existent.
EMPLOYED AND SELF SUFFICIENT - I don't mind what you do for a living just do something. Not interested if a man is on a pension of any type. Have your own home and be settled.
INTERESTING to me - articulate, able to hold a conversation, some similar interests. Where I enjoy his company.
CONFIDENT - Stand tall and be proud to be a man.
ACTIVE AND HEALTHY - Reasonably fit and able to walk, swim, climb stairs, drive, hopefully not get seasick and sensual.
POSITIVE AND HAPPY - with a good dose of sense of the ridiculous.

Bonus points for:
Deep voice and practical nature- tradesmen most welcome. Yummm.
Doing what you say you are going to do and not doing what you say you are not going to do.
Have time and inclination to get out and about and do things.


The above is proving very difficult to find.

P.S.
Extra bonus points for champagne, peeling grapes and massage. :)
 Princess12524
Joined: 12/23/2013
Msg: 105
When should a mature lady become more proactive?
Posted: 2/10/2014 5:05:36 PM

SINGLE - as in not married, attached, separated (unless everything is sorted).
NO KIDS - children must be independent, over 18 or non existent.
EMPLOYED AND SELF SUFFICIENT - I don't mind what you do for a living just do something. Not interested if a man is on a pension of any type. Have your own home and be settled.
INTERESTING to me - articulate, able to hold a conversation, some similar interests. Where I enjoy his company.
CONFIDENT - Stand tall and be proud to be a man.
ACTIVE AND HEALTHY - Reasonably fit and able to walk, swim, climb stairs, drive, hopefully not get seasick and sensual.
POSITIVE AND HAPPY - with a good dose of sense of the ridiculous.

Bonus points for:
Deep voice and practical nature- tradesmen most welcome. Yummm.
Doing what you say you are going to do and not doing what you say you are not going to do.
Have time and inclination to get out and about and do things.

OP you know that saying: "you have to name it to claim it"! I am a firm believer in manifesting things & u really have to visualize that man & then he will appear in your life!
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 106
When should a mature lady become more proactive?
Posted: 2/10/2014 5:11:18 PM
Thanks Princess.

Thought I had.

With a few extra bonus attributes.

Ahh well... back to the drawing board.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 107
When should a mature lady become more proactive?
Posted: 2/10/2014 5:31:18 PM

I am still glad I met him and enjoyed is company.


OP: ^^^As long as you enjoyed his company and I'm sure he did yours, this was a great experience. Five dates, really no harm, no foul. And you never know, he may miss you and contact you in the near future.....? Good luck with your continued fishing :)
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 108
When should a mature lady become more proactive?
Posted: 2/12/2014 9:21:35 AM
Got to love the attitude , get as many free dates as fast as possible . But then this is a online dating site , just about the dates and some one to pay for them .
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 109
When should a mature lady become more proactive?
Posted: 2/12/2014 9:47:44 AM
Proteaus...
I'm not going to go back thru every single post that the OP made here, but I got NO SENSE WHATSOEVER that the OP was angling for "free dates". It was her yacht/sailboat, she already HAD the tickets to this concert (that she decided not to invite him to,after all! ), for just a couple of examples.

Granted, the OP( and the female friend she mentioned) are high-achieving women, but I really don't think, in this day and age, that every female dater is just out to "get as many free dates as fast as possible".


I'm concerned that the chip on your shoulder(as far as dating/relationships) is beginning to interfere with your perspective. It seems like you look for every opportunity to make negative comments about todays' dating scene, relationships, women,etc.
The Universe does not OWE you-or me-or anybody else!- a pair bond relationship. Being bitter and angry about not having found that( or found it again after a relationship failure or partners' death)-is only going to eat you up emotionally.
You have to recognize that it will happen if it's meant to happen, and if it doesn't that's not anybody'"fault".
There is nothing wrong with either gender being proactive ,and getting out there,but you cannot FORCE a happy and healthy relationship into existence by gameplaying -or by being perpetually pissed off.
Cindy O
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 110
When should a mature lady become more proactive?
Posted: 2/12/2014 9:54:02 AM
Nobody's forcing anyone to pay for dates. Don't like it? Don't date. The money can always be spent on something useful---such as a gym membership.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 111
When should a mature lady become more proactive?
Posted: 2/12/2014 10:00:55 AM
Posted by Proteaus:
"Got to love the attitude, get as many free dates as fast as possible.
But then this is a online dating site, just about the dates and some one to pay for them."

Jeezus Christmas, man!
Ask a woman to meet you for coffee, get the drinks to go, and walk around chatting and laughing.
The ongoing woman-bashing is becoming rather tedious. My goodness...
 ouija2013
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 112
When should a mature lady become more proactive?
Posted: 2/12/2014 11:05:29 AM
She " paid" for the date.. sheesh.
Have fun on your B day at the concert. :0
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 113
When should a mature lady become more proactive?
Posted: 2/12/2014 2:36:02 PM
Proteas, the other posters are correct and you are wrong.

Neither I, nor do any single ladies I know, go searching for free meals.

In my case with the man of this thread.
Yes he insisted on paying for the 1st cup of coffee but each subsequent meeting has been both of us providing for anything that required cash.

I paid and provided the seafood, general food, drink and boat.
He provided champagne and frozen flutes.
I even sailed a few hours out of my normal way to pick him up and drop him off at a more convenient place to make the experience more comfortable. (Not that I mind a few more hours sailing. It was his first time on a sailing boat.)
He actually made a comment that he purposely left his phone and wallet in the car when I asked to put them in a waterproof bag.

I paid for the concert tickets. Months ago.
He would have been my guest had I invited him.
Just as my female friend is my guest. Concert is tomorrow night.

In my experience women want men to be charming company on a date not a meal ticket.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 114
When should a mature lady become more proactive?
Posted: 2/12/2014 3:05:09 PM
^^^

Very classy response, ozsealady1. It sounds like you planned a wonderful day. Very nice.
This is precisely why she and I are carrying on with this torrid transoceanic affair of ours! ;-)
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 115
When should a mature lady become more proactive?
Posted: 2/12/2014 3:14:12 PM
Ahh Eric.

Just confirming we are still meeting behind Tahiti?
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 116
When should a mature lady become more proactive?
Posted: 2/12/2014 3:25:24 PM
Yes, see you just off the coast of Tahiti. It will take me about three weeks.
I've raised the big sails on the poopdeck mast and now steering my ship to starboard.
Or is that to port? Darn it, I always get those directions confused.

See, it really is that simple and pleasant. LOL. :-)
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 117
When should a mature lady become more proactive?
Posted: 2/12/2014 8:22:27 PM
Proteaus notes:


Got to love the attitude , get as many free dates as fast as possible . But then this is a online dating site , just about the dates and some one to pay for them .


Heyyyyy, I'm going to cut P some slack....I think he was talking about the guy getting as many free dates as fast possible? That's how I read his post.....
====

The money can always be spent on something useful---such as a gym membership.


HS: or the money could go for good cottage cheese overseas??? ;)
=====

There is nothing wrong with either gender being proactive ,and getting out there,but you cannot FORCE a happy and healthy relationship into existence by gameplaying -or by being perpetually pissed off


Exactly! :) ^^^
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 118
When should a mature lady become more proactive?
Posted: 2/13/2014 1:55:38 PM
Happy Birthday to me.

Doria,
You are wrong.

I do own and sail solo a 25 foot sloop. Have had this boat for 8 years.
It is often the smallest boat in a bay.
I have been sailing since I was 18.
Yes my female friend also owns her own yacht and I know a number of women who own yachts.
Including one who is married but her husband hates sailing so we sometimes sail together.
As I also know men and couples who own yachts.
We all get together to sail in company or on each other's boat and often raft up together.
I am a fair weather sailor and don't like racing so that eliminates the great majority of male sailors.

And yes all those dates happened as described.
I left out the really juicy bits. Because a lady never tells.

I will let out one juicy bit.
Being a long distance swimmer when he was swimming from the beach and I was in the kayak I got a birds eye view of his suntanned shoulders and arms whilst swimming.
And yep.... That is why I like watching the swimming in the Olympics.
An angle we ladies rarely get to enjoy.

You are wrong about my list being impossible
There are men who meet that list. Although they are rare.
Even rarer are men who meet that list who are seeking a woman who also meets the list and wants a woman their own age.
I have met them. This man, my ex husband and a few other exes.
I meet that list as well.

Plus I am an 'older, sexy blond' lol
With larger than average mammary glands. double lol

Happy Birthday to me!!!

p.s
I have heard from him.
Apparently an ex has resurfaced and he has decided to see how that goes.
Whether that is true or not does not matter.
I am glad to have met him.

pps.
The lifestyle of sailing, swimming, picnics, sunshine and open air concerts is normal for us in the land of Oz.

ppps.
Rain is forecast for today so instead of a glam dress tonight at the concert I will be wearing a garbage bag and gum boots.
Still with the view over the harbour, great music, good company, wine and picnic.
Merely a change of wardrobe choice.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 119
When should a mature lady become more proactive?
Posted: 2/13/2014 1:59:47 PM
Doria... just noticed you are a Sydneysider.
So you should know.

I will wave to you at Crowsnest from Taronga Zoo this evening.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 120
When should a mature lady become more proactive?
Posted: 2/13/2014 4:32:19 PM
Will do doria.

Then you have seen my boat.
A 25 foot sailing boat, fixed keel well able to sail off shore and these types of boats have done many circumnavigations and are officially called Top Hat Yachts makes it by definition a yacht.

I rarely call it a yacht as many people, like you think a yacht has to be like the Queen's Yacht or a Sydney to Hobart Maxi.

Have often picked up one of the public moorings in Athol Bay.
And am there regularly to watch the fireworks.

Will be sailing back down to Sydney Harbour and will leave the boat there from March as I am doing a course at Sydney Uni 2 mornings a week and would rather sleep on board and commute from the harbour rather than normal Sydney traffic.

Who knows. We may even meet up and I can take you for a sail to prove my boat exists.
Do you sail?
 ouija2013
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 121
When should a mature lady become more proactive?
Posted: 2/13/2014 6:10:20 PM
If we ever decide to switch teams
You know where I am
You have a lovely B Day :/
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 122
When should a mature lady become more proactive?
Posted: 2/13/2014 7:22:05 PM
Switching teams Ouija?

The thought did occur to me as I bought 2 single red roses today.
One for me and one for my female friend who is newly single following the text breakup.
Instead I burst into tears for both of us.

All well. There may be some tears tonight.

Do however have a date on Sunday for lunch with another man from the internet who meets all of my criteria except:
He has children - who always come first so he rarely has time to go out.
Over the last 2 years we have managed to meet up about 6 times.
No hanky panky just a charming man.

He wished me Happy Valentines Day so I suggested we get together and Sunday lunch.
His kids are with their mum this weekend. A rare occurrence. Our last 3 meetings have been Monday and Tuesday nights.

There are worse things in life than to have lunch with a charming man.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 123
When should a mature lady become more proactive?
Posted: 2/14/2014 7:44:21 PM
Had a wonderful time at the concert. Much more laughter than tears.
The rain held off.
doria... you probably heard us.
Standing ovations and the entire audience on our feet dancing.
2 proposal of marriage - on stage - both accepted.

Tomorrow lunch.
He is 56.
His youngest is 15.
He has them every weekend.
Most school holidays and occasionally during the week.
Drives them to sport, work, volunteering etc
Met 6 times and no hanky panky is not unusual at all.
At least not for me. And yes I pay my half.
He also often has to work nights and travel.
Hence very little time to date.
Certainly not relationship material as he is never around.

Am looking forward to lunch with a charming man.
There are never copy / cloning machines around when needed. :)
 OneInAQuadrillion
Joined: 10/1/2017
Msg: 124
When should a mature lady become more proactive?
Posted: 11/11/2017 10:17:36 AM
When should a mature lady become more proactive?

Age 29 when her biological clock is ticking. After that men have too many younger options.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 125
view profile
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When should a mature lady become more proactive?
Posted: 11/13/2017 12:38:42 AM

How long do I wait for him to contact me?
In every other part of my life if I want something I go for it.
Love is entirely different.
I have learned the hard way that being enthusiastic and proactive is the kiss of death.

This is right after the 2nd date (or 1st 'therious' date). You guys were talking back n forth before the 1st date -- and between that and the 1st & 2nd. First, it's not love. They were fruitful dates -- which should put the pressure OFF of being exact on any timing. You can still be Over enthusiastic and Over proactive (texting non-stop) to kill the mood some, but I don't think just still going-with-the-flow as it is is anything to be afraid of and you shouldn't have to worry about Any fine lines in doing so IF the guy actually Likes you. Ya only worry about that when they're seemingly on-the-fence but you really like them and want to win them over. But if they can't handle your timing which would be just Fine when they dig ya, but "ehhh" if they're not all that into ya -- you should actually want to face a litmus test. :)

Anyway, you rolled with it for 6 dates... you kept in touch, had fruitful dates...

DOOMSAYERS .... YOU WERE RIGHT.

Sucks it didn't go your way after 5 dates after the intro-date, some pretty heavy dates. But at the same time, he added weight to them, so I have to disagree with this suggestion of yours:

I do wonder however if I overawed him as has happened in the past.

I don't think that's it. :) The dates had some weight to them -- picnic with wine, sailing -- lots of hours on them, etc. But I think this was a bigger factor:

Met 6 times and no hanky panky is not unusual at all.
At least not for me. And yes I pay my half.

Paying your half is a bit unusual. A Good thing, but far from Expected by guys. And 6 dates -- many of them strong like picnics and out sailing for hours -- no fooling around? Yeah, a lot of guys are going to walk. :) There's a difference between not "putting out" on the 1st/2nd/3rd date VS not fooling around at all by the end of the 6th date when the dates have been heavily fruitful otherwise.

Much of the time it's not about having intercourse by "date 6". It's more like at least having things Progress a bit more and more as the time unwinds and the dates add up. If I'm on date #4 and all I'm getting is a couple small kisses during the long dates and a decent goodnight kiss at the end of it, just like the 1st -- my interest starts to fade. If I otherwise really like the gal, I'll give it another shot or two (as did he), but I'm going to want to see progression. Otherwise, fine, no fooling-around = I'm 100% single, and can be talking to other gals, going out on other dates -- and a good prospect's going to get my attention more at that point and I'm going to be even more apt to step aside from the previous one.
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