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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Is the "friendzone" even real...      Home login  
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 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 73
Is the friendzone even real... Page 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

That's not acceptable in 2013. No man has any 'reason ' any time to act in a threatening way to a woman

There is nothing in my post remotely coming close to threatening. Quite the Opposite. It's laying off and Not Caring, actually. It's giving out the vibe of "No" to a woman, instead of "Please like me". :)
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 74
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Is the friendzone even real...
Posted: 2/18/2014 8:00:04 AM
Check this out all you people that cant be upfront in what you want....

http://jezebel.com/dudes-stop-putting-women-in-the-girlfriendzone-1508177054
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 75
Is the friendzone even real...
Posted: 2/18/2014 8:13:40 AM
[The 'let's be friends' and variations on it are a social skill some of have learned over the years to diffuse awkward situations that might otherwise escalate. ]

Then why would you go out with a guy if you think he's going to react badly So he's good enough to pay for the date but not good enough to get the truth?
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 76
Is the friendzone even real...
Posted: 2/18/2014 9:27:52 AM
Check this out all you people that cant be upfront in what you want....

http://jezebel.com/dudes-stop-putting-women-in-the-girlfriendzone-1508177054


The problem with that article is that it's trying to attack three concepts of he "friend zone " at the same time.

1. When a woman tells a guy that she doesn't have a pre existing friendship with that she just wants to be friends after a date or few dates.
2. A woman who has been friends with a guy for a certain period of time and rejects his offer to date or have a romantic relationship.
3. A woman who has been friends with a guy for a certain period of time and rejects his offer to have a sexual relationship.

The article brought up why do men stop associating with a woman after she rejects him. My follow up question to that would be...what woman is going to want to date a guy who has a harem of other women who romantically rejected him as "friends"?
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 77
Is the friendzone even real...
Posted: 2/18/2014 10:26:24 AM
http://jezebel.com/dudes-stop-putting-women-in-the-girlfriendzone-1508177054

Interesting read...

Many an internet whine has been wailed over women who, for some ungodly reason, do not reward the men who are nice to them with sex.

I wouldn't say that. Not whining at women for not putting out by being nice, but whining at the inaccurate adage that many still cling to that you can truly garner a woman's Interest by being Nice. Guys aren't whining about not getting sex with girls they've been Friend-Zoned by. The sexual frustration will be a push when he can't over some time of course. But it's about Actual Interest not obtained -- that's supposed to be obtained by what many women's "tips" are -- while other guys without a nice shiny sword of "Niceness" as a primary weapon, do.

It's an incredibly self centered and self-pitying way to externalize one's own mistakes or shortcomings, to blame the complex mystery of fickle human attraction on a woman's agency, and makes about as much emotional sense as showing up to pick up your dry cleaning at 3 am and becoming so enraged that they're not open that you throw a brick through the window.

I agree that a guy who's chasing a girl and settles to be in her "Friend Zone", and thus, be an orbiter, filled with both jealousy toward other guys entering into her non-platonic zone, and her over time, for not becoming interested -- is self-centered and pretty Pathetic. I have little sympathy for such guys. The only room for that is when a gal puts one foot in the friend-zone and one foot in the non-platonic zone and does the hokey-pokey between the two. Then that's the only time to have blame toward the gal and more understanding for the guy to be caught up in (for not too long a time though).

But I also don't have respect for women who want to keep an "orbiter" guy-friend, who was friend-zoned because he liked her and she didn't like him -- they're both wack if she's going to want to keep him around for that.

girlfriendzoning .... it's when guys "only see a girl as a potential girlfriend and not as a friend (or a human, really, in my opinion)." ...how some men completely lose interest in women as people once it's clear she's not interested in them sexually

Basically, bitterness for rejection. And yes, when anybody, girl or guy, is all about someone -- no, they're not wanting to be merely friends if they never were before. Then you'll have that jealous "orbiter" guy-friend -- who wants that? Oh - women who like attention. :)

It's just as self-centered for a guy to Want to be friend-zoned and be an "orbiter", as it is a gal to pine & whine about a guy not wanting to be an "orbiter" guy-friend. Again, both are idiots. BUT, I do understand -- if a guy gets too pissed off outright when the girl isn't into him -- yeah, that's dumb & wrong.

But to be mad that he doesn't want to hang around her and become her friend? Ummm, that's just as bad pining & whining as guys b!tching about girls not liking them.

It's something done by a man who was never interested in anything but a sexual relationship in the first place, and tried to use faux friendship as a way to achieve sexual ends.

Actually, it's not to achieve merely sexual ends. Usually when guys get really upset -- it's more than finding the gal merely attraction (for purely sexual needs). There's plenty of them to watch roaming around. It's when he has Real feelings.

The author of the article could have done a Way better job if her goal was to bark at idiot guys who whine about being in the friend-zone. And as a side note, the "girlfriendzone" is for guys who more or less want a girlfriend and nothing less -- not a hookup and nothing more -- she got that totally wrong there.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 78
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Is the friendzone even real...
Posted: 2/18/2014 2:00:16 PM
^^^Njut

Why go out with him? This is a decision after you go out and see what he is like. Have you never had a date and then decided that it was not the woman you would want to marry? I personally would never assume that a man is Mr Wonderful just from a profile or witty messages...I save the judgement for after we meet in real life.
 PlentyofThis123
Joined: 11/23/2013
Msg: 79
Is the friendzone even real...
Posted: 2/22/2014 4:05:10 AM
Funny thing, I had recently someone post somewhere "In a TRUE relationship, your partner is also your best friend".

I think this is where that "blur" between the friend zone and a relationship lies. Men, who are sometimes put into the FZ, have this quote in their head". So they kind of hang around in hopes she'll come around. Sometimes he'll attempt to talk her into this by quoting such a phrase. "Well, you may think of me as a friend, but...usually the best relationships starts off as friends".
 rod1919us
Joined: 11/3/2011
Msg: 80
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Is the friendzone even real...
Posted: 2/23/2014 12:27:45 PM
YES of course the "friend zone" is real. The friend zone with women is when a woman decides she doesn't want to be with a guy, have sex with a guy, or anything of that nature, but she feels you're an asset to keep around. Often the guy may hope by being her friend will result to boyfriend status. When in reality it's usually never the case. I've seen too many dudes play nice and try to be friends with a female they wanted to be in relationships with, only to have their pride hurt when they find out she gave up the goods to a guy who never even bought her a soda.

But one thing women fail to understand is that men have a friend zone too. Except ours usually come with benefits. Hence FWB. When women are in the FWB zone they usually stay there. Not many guys I know wife a broad they've had casual sex with. To us, FWB is just that...FWB and nothing more.

So in essence today's society is in one big friend zone. Girls put the "nice guys", the "boring guy", the "lame guy", etc in friend zones chasing dudes who have them in the FWB zone. Fear is one of the main reasons why many guys don't commit to relationships anymore. Funny how this all works out. lol
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 81
Is the friendzone even real...
Posted: 2/23/2014 1:39:02 PM
But one thing women fail to understand is that men have a friend zone too. Except ours usually come with benefits. Hence FWB.

True, but that's not a real friend-zone. The friend-zone is an emotional/feelings state of 100% platonic. Most guys see most women who aren't fugly, related, or going out with a buddy of theirs -- as only somewhat platonic but under the right circumstances for him, would pork. It's less likely, as you point out, that a guy's going to put a gal in an Actual friend-zone.

www.laddertheory.com -- I think it's a bit too black & white and overreaching, but for the most part, I believe it's more or less correct, and I understand/believe the concept of it.

Women have TWO "ladders". A friend ladder and a dating ladder. The higher up on the friend ladder, the closer of a mere friend you are. Anyone on her friend ladder is the same as her gal-pal Barb -- she's not sexually interested. Some guys will THINK he's on her dating ladder because she wants to hang out. Why? Because if HE wanted to hang out with a gal, he'd have at least SOME attraction to her.

Guys have ONE ladder, for all women, pretty much. The one thing I disagree with is that some guys (me included) DO have a friend-ladder. It's just isolated to relatives, significant others of buddies, and the (not merely not-attractive, but) fuglies. The site's overreaching, but I think it's to drill in the basic concept that so many refuse to accept.
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