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 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 226
Are there any gentlemen out there?Page 10 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

Growing up, in high school, early 70's, nice was nice. If you saw an attractive /hot car, now known as a "muscle car", you and your friends would almost whisper, "N i i i i c c e". You said this in awe, somewhat envious. LOL When I see a "muscle car" now, from the 60's or the 70's, or a really hot bike, I still almost whisper,


In my part of the country (South central Texas), we'd say 'sa-weeeet' with that same awed envy.

However, back to nice. It's root is a Latin word meaning 'without knowledge, ignorant' and was most often applied to children and the uneducated. In the last 700 years it has gone to meaning ignorant - silly - foolish - fussy - cowardly - shy - (since about the late 1800-early 1900's) pleasing, agreeable, pleasant. (It also means precision.)

After 500 years of schizophrenic meanings it has become such a bland, bloodless, wishy-washy word that many people use when they can't think of anything else.

The movie was nice.
Are you kidding me - the acting was breathtakingly accurate, the special effects were spectacular, the plot was non-existent, the villain was dastardly, and the ending was totally unexpected. The soda was watered down more than usual, the popcorn was overly salty and there was gum on my seat.

I had a nice time - translates to
(1) 'you were great but your choice of a date was terrible' or
(2)'the choice of a date was great but I don't think I'm going to date you again. Unless I don't have anything better to do' or
(3)'you were great, the date was great but I don't want you to think that I've absolutely fallen for you so I won't praise you too much'.

If someone describes a man as a 'nice guy', I usually ask for more information about him or ask what do they mean. But I usually end up making my own judgments.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 227
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/8/2015 12:35:43 AM

In my part of the country (South central Texas), we'd say 'sa-weeeet' with that same awed envy.

LOL I have heard this! My brother lived in Texas for awhile and his wife is from Texas. They say this!

To 2ufo, I thank you also. I appreciate the info you have provided. I had no idea one little 4-letter word could mean so many different things! LOL
 Olivoil
Joined: 5/3/2015
Msg: 228
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/8/2015 4:23:24 AM
Of course there are gentlemen out there. But it doesn't guarantee that they have high a high moral code about how they treat their women.
I spent 10 years with a 'gentleman' who opened every car door for me, walked with me with his hand on the small of my back, and yes, he was very gentle with me in all aspects.
He was however, a two time cheater. I found out just before our wedding.
Be careful not to mistake gestures with character.
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 229
view profile
History
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/8/2015 5:53:59 AM

LOL I have heard this! My brother lived in Texas for awhile and his wife is from Texas. They say this!

To 2ufo, I thank you also. I appreciate the info you have provided. I had no idea one little 4-letter word could mean so many different things! LOL


Yeah you might say someone had a Nice Ride...........

But a Bad Ride was better than a Nice Ride.........

" You see XXX's Car, Yeah, that Sucker is BAD"..........
 ClooneysMentor
Joined: 8/2/2015
Msg: 230
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/8/2015 11:07:25 AM


But when a woman calls YOU a nice guy it's the kiss of death and it's more in tune with it's original meaning.


Yeah, I generally view KIND as synonymous with BORING when a woman is describing a man. He can't, god forbid...make her laugh.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 231
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/8/2015 2:15:02 PM
It's amazing how many people claim 'Nice guys' turn bad just simply because it was THEIR fault, and nobody else's. I'm not saying people don't have flaws in their character, but relationships are made of TWO people, and crimony, there ARE women do we know out there that ARE genuine azzholes to their spouse and ALL their spouse's friends and family, and have been for YEARS - and yet when the guy does something bad, it's still always HIS fault?!? Where's the self-examination when the blame hammer gets swung around? How many fingers point back when you point at someone else?

I think there are plenty of cases where 'nice' means being willing to put up with others' bullsh1t. Bus and taxi drivers come to mind. Sometimes being 'nice' is about a CHOICE to NOT be an azzhole. Eventually everyone gets sick of it. Some get fired. Some get divorced. Some go postal. Deciding to be not nice isn't always about making a choice to be a jerk - it's a choice to not be pushed around.

A lot of 'nice' guys don't always have the choice to walk away peacefully. For many that break down, there's probably someone else that made them that way. It's not ALWAYS bad wiring. Some people are able to stay calm and stay quiet though thick and thin - yet the one time they decide to stand out or grow a backbone or do what it takes to keep themselves from being tortured or ignored, it's seen as a bad thing, as their 'true' character showing through. What a load of crap. People, we do what we need to survive - and if it means stepping out of character to deal with a stressful situation, we ADAPT.

It's not always a magical reveal of what is truly been behind a curtain for umpteen years. <<<-THAT is the easy (scapegoat) way to explain it out for people who can't (or won't) accept their role in creating someone's behavior.

There are very upsetting behaviors that women do in the name of 'lack of coffee' or a 'bad hair day' that if a guy did them, he'd probably be arrested or fitted for a straitjacket. Why? Because it would be out of character, and it freaks people out. We can't handle things out of the ordinary. We find reasons to blame other people - but rarely, if ever - do we think about OUR role in the universe.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 232
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Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/8/2015 11:15:15 PM
I think people use the label "nice guy" to mean a person that is fake and only acting nice instead of being real. If you go to a store, you want a salesman that is honest about the product and polite, not someone that is "nice" and tells you what you want to hear. That being said, I give props to anyone that has the stamina to put up with online dating. Half of the people only chat with others when they're wasted and that's probably why they don't show up for their dates. They flake out on their own lives, and then you wonder why they flake out on you. It's not personal. Finding a real gentleman or lady is truly a diamond in the rough.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 233
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/9/2015 8:21:35 AM

Deciding to be not nice isn't always about making a choice to be a jerk - it's a choice to not be pushed around.

Bless you sir!
 crookcatcher
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 234
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/9/2015 9:01:48 AM
Being "nice" has little to do with being a gentleman. Nice is a demeanor assumed dependent upon a given situation. A cold blooded killer can be nice but extremely unlikely to be a gentleman as that is choice of conduct regardless of the situation.


it's a choice to not be pushed around.


That's dependent upon your character. If you're the type that's non confrontational, lacks self confidence and self esteem then you may very well find youself being "pushed around" and you don't have to a** to accomplish not being pushed around. ymmv
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 235
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/9/2015 3:21:37 PM
^^ I saw a recent TV program on Ted Bundy which didn’t bother to tell how he was a law student; worked for a Republican campaign; volunteered on a crisis hotline; had a long term girlfriend who had a child; was well liked, intelligent and respected. And yes, he was handsome and charming, as well. Best source of info on Ted Bundy, “The Stranger Beside Me,” by Ann Rule, who was friends with him and worked side by side alone at night with him on the crisis hotline.

Why does a man have to not be nice to prevent himself from being a doormat? Sounds like a severe lack of character if a man can’t stand up for himself without being an ahole, especially toward women. Nobody respects a weakling who can’t behave like a decent human being, and blames his crap behavior on everybody else.

Crookcatcher, agree with you, completely.
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 236
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Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/9/2015 4:16:21 PM

^^ I saw a recent TV program on Ted Bundy which didn’t bother to tell how he was a law student; worked for a Republican campaign; volunteered on a crisis hotline; had a long term girlfriend who had a child; was well liked, intelligent and respected. And yes, he was handsome and charming, as well. Best source of info on Ted Bundy, “The Stranger Beside Me,” by Ann Rule, who was friends with him and worked side by side alone at night with him on the crisis hotline.


I recently read a dating profile in the media. The About Me section began with:

“a nice guy. Well, as nice enough of a guy who does these sort of shenanigans.”

And by most measures he was a very nice young man. Top honors. Highly liberal political views with time working to help develop underprivileged kids. Active in church and a camp counselor. Aced his classes every time. Signed up for online dating and got discouraged, while other serious baggage was accumulating in his top notch neurosciences program at the university.

The monies that sponsored his research were diverted from the grantor, taxpayer financed, US Department of Health & Human Services (NIH), to purchase weapons and armor. When he had academic and dating problems, James Holmes then walked into a theater playing Batman in Colorado and mowed down a dozen people in cold blood mimicking the Joker. He may have been sporting a nice smile when he did it - I don't know.

At first he was accused of being a Tea Party member on ABC. Then he was accused of being an Obama campaign worker by other armchair net private investigators. But all he was, was a quiet, apparently nice and intelligent nerd who lost it, even as he has counseled the underprivileged himself. You see this with predatory members of the clergy, or smiling politicians too. Political affiliation has nothing to do with capability to inflict harm, nor does previous work as a counselor, crisis line operator, or neural science cutting edge researcher. The only ones besides his parents that had a clue something was fishy was the Firearms Club that rejected him when he tried to join because they thought he had a screw loose.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 237
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/9/2015 4:54:53 PM
^^^^ I wasn’t making a correlation with his political choice, or anything else…just that he was active politically, intelligent and respected; not hiding in some dark serial killer cave with frothing mouth and dripping fangs.


See working on a crisis hotline ~ trying to make himself look like a pillar of the community :)


His whole life looked like a pillar of the community. That’s my point.

The Craigslist killer was a star medical student with a fiancée.

I think the most important thing is not to expect monsters to look monstrous.
 ClooneysMentor
Joined: 8/2/2015
Msg: 238
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/9/2015 5:18:34 PM


I think the most important thing is not to expect monsters to look monstrous.


And some monsters have vaginas, such as Italian nurse Daniela Poggiali.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2798167/italian-nurse-murdered-38-patients-pleasure-enjoyed-challenge.html
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 239
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Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/9/2015 6:24:17 PM
Totally agree that a man who allows a woman or anyone to treat him like crap and complains about it, is a pain and a weakling. If they choose to give their power away that is up to them. Most women don't respect men who act like doormats and claim to be nice and civilized or the "good" one in the relationship. Lie down and you will be walked over.

When I read the profile of men who claim to be kind, honest, intelligent, interesting, humourous and genuine, all out nice guy, my alert button is pushed. If they are all that, why are they here for years looking for someone??
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 240
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/9/2015 8:25:16 PM
I think the person who "lies down" has better character than the one who "walks on." The one who "walks on" is the user.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 241
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/9/2015 11:06:15 PM

Lie down and you will be walked over.

So how does one 'stand up' and NOT get labeled a jerk?
-- Because someone who is used to walking ON people is ALSO used to blowing their drama completely out of proportion when they don't get their way. The azzhole moniker gets tossed onto ANYone they don't like, and it really doesn't matter what the alleged azz's true character may really be. If you refuse to play their game, you get ostracized as some sort of jerk.

You may think this sounds like something kids do on a playground, or 20-somethings do at a bar, but there are plenty of 40 and 50-somethings doing the exact same thing every day in social media and other places. Nobody is immune from name-calling, and the shoe doesn't EVER need to fit to get labeled as something you are not.
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 5/6/2015
Msg: 242
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/9/2015 11:14:57 PM
It's kinda like you all are talking about that fine line between being passive and being aggressive... being "assertive". I want one of those!
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 243
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/10/2015 8:28:02 AM
There are lots of gentlemen out there. If I stop believing that why even bother trying to meet someone?
 ClooneysMentor
Joined: 8/2/2015
Msg: 244
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/10/2015 9:36:35 AM
^^^
I thought the same thing when one gal told me how relationships work.

The first year is great, 2nd ok and third is torture.

Why does she bother??
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 245
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Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/10/2015 8:23:34 PM

When I read the profile of men who claim to be kind, honest, intelligent, interesting, humourous and genuine, all out nice guy, my alert button is pushed. If they are all that, why are they here for years looking for someone??


That would be like me saying "Well she's really hot why is she single?" Sometimes it's just like that, it just goes that way. There are shit ton of single people who could be dating each other but don't but then they complain about being single.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 246
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/14/2015 7:46:29 PM

When I read the profile of men who claim to be kind, honest, intelligent, interesting, humourous and genuine, all out nice guy, my alert button is pushed. If they are all that, why are they here for years looking for someone??


Same thing goes for women.

If they are so wonderful and have such full and interesting lives, why hasn't some great guy snatched them up in real life already?
After all their years out in the real world? Where men still do most of the approaching and initiating contact?
 Viper1j
Joined: 2/6/2015
Msg: 247
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/15/2015 1:35:17 AM
"Are there any gentlemen out there?"

Yep! You'll find them all in your "Friend Zone".
 crookcatcher
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 248
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/15/2015 1:58:47 AM

Are there any gentlemen out there?


Yes...yes there are. They're not the superficially nice, the door mat, the one who let's someone walk all over them. They actually have that character trait even when not in the best of moods or the situation may not be handled in the best way by being a gentleman. But it's there, it's inherent by choice until it's second nature...a habit.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 249
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/15/2015 3:11:55 AM
^^ Here Here Crook Catcher.

I am lucky to know a few true gentlemen.
And unlucky in that none of them are available to me.

And I wish the single and available ones were in my Friend Zone then I would know how to find them.
 patchjoker13
Joined: 8/24/2014
Msg: 250
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/15/2015 10:29:56 AM
One might ask, "Are there any good women left out there?", but I think that would be too sexist. The whole "true gentleman" and "nice guy" stuff is just a bunch of bull sh*t. It is an indirect way of saying that most guys are jerks, wimps, losers, and perverts, and there is only a few select "true gentleman" out there to choose from. Of course there are going to be guys who feed into this crap by placing there fists on their hips like superman and saying "And...yes...I am that true gentleman you seek!!!". Give me a fuc*ing break. Obvious there is not going to be enough of these "true gentlemen" to go around....so have fun with your 50 cats and reruns of the golden girls....
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