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 Mark_It_Up
Joined: 3/15/2011
Msg: 26
Are there any gentlemen out there?Page 2 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
Yeah there are gentlemen on here but guess what. If you act like too much of a gentleman, 9 times out of 10 you'll get "hey I want to see you again but just as friends"....

Can't win.........
 DiezelPhoenix
Joined: 5/15/2013
Msg: 27
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/4/2014 3:13:50 AM
There are gentlemen out there, but if you continuously get the same type of men, you need to adjust your personal filters as to what you are seeking on this site.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 28
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Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/4/2014 4:31:54 AM

I would like to be treated with respect. What do you think? Am I crazy?

You were crazy to listen to him talk like that and not get up and leave.

If you are going to be the pursuer ( e mailing men) esp when you are still married aka separated then you will get more of that type of disrespect . Not suggesting you dont e mail men at all, just be aware some take that as a sexually aggressive woman that is wooking for nub.

Major flaws IMO in your profile that you need to address elsewhere. ( profile reviews)
"Here I am" as a headline? You may as well say "Come and get it" to some men.



My question is are all men going to be that way?

No, of course not, but get a review and see if that helps you attract a better quality of men, possibly weed out misunderstandings ect.
It won't hurt.


I've never met a guy yet who hasn't asked for sex (without the date even!) on the first date

Confusing statement.
You still met them? What do you expect them to think if you do that?
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 29
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Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/4/2014 4:38:11 AM
There is a good cross section of responses here on the primary elements of this. Some is excellent, some is just griping and sour grapes, but I leave it to each person to recognize which is which..

I only popped in to point out one, I think very important point that hasn't shown up yet:

That a REAL gentleman, isn't just pretending to be one temporarily, to get into your pants. Measuring to see if you have discovered one, isn't therefore just a matter of whether he brings up sex too early or not, it's much more of an across the board recognition of how we deal with EVERYTHING.

This is where simple test procedures like "red flag" lists can actually work against you, as much as they help. Yes, dump anyone who gets personal too quickly and casually. But recognize that what you are looking for isn't just someone who maintains a list of acceptable first-meet conversational subjects in their heads. What you want, is a person who is genuinely motivated to FIND OUT what you are about, and who derives satisfaction from the learning, as opposed to someone who follows a script while slavering at the vision of rewards they plan to get from you. You can recognize that sort of person from things other than how soon they talk about coitus.

The example of that guy who bragged about how often he can bring someone to climax is a good case in point. Even if he waited until date seven to bring that up, it would still be him showing that he doesn't try to please women for THEM, he only does so in order to serve his own ego.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 30
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/4/2014 5:08:09 AM
Beth414, in your first example, you wasted time by not being more assertive. in your second example, you wasted time by asking if you could have a normal conversation with someone who obviously had a different agenda.

your question if "all men are going to be that way" makes no sense. were you wanting encouragement? i would encourage you to get better bullshit radar. because it's obvious that your examples of two lousy encounters with men would not and cannot be evidence that ALL MEN are going to be that way.


I would like to be treated with respect.

for that to happen, you'd have to be a little more assertive and a little less inclined to waste time with people who clearly aren't really interested in "respecting" you.
 Belluvthebawl
Joined: 1/30/2014
Msg: 31
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/4/2014 6:00:20 AM
I agree with Motown.......

It's a complete waste of time to continue a conversation in each of these situations. Respect yourself first by setting your boundaries and sticking to them. Boys like the two you described above "prey" on women such as yourself.
 foodieguitarman
Joined: 12/17/2013
Msg: 32
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/4/2014 6:07:41 AM
Some guys are just looking for sex, I don't know what percentage but just toss em as soon as they reveal their intentions. Simple.

Some guys want a relationship but if you meet in person and they decide you're not right for them but find you attractive will try for sex. If they suddenly switch the topic to sex they are either this type or were after this all along.

Just be patient and be glad when a guy who is on the same wavelength comes along. They're out there, have faith.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 33
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/4/2014 6:44:13 AM
My question is are all men going to be that way?


When I finish interviewing the 3.5 billion males on the planet, I'll let you know. Was your father that way when he met your mother?
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 34
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Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/4/2014 7:02:55 AM

This is one of the most common complaints from women today.... you don't know how many times I have to tell guys not to talk about serious subjects early on in dating, particularly sex... it's a very personal and private subject between lovers... and women are like slow-cookers... it takes several dates for their love level to rise enough for that, at the very least!

Also the men should not be touching a woman unless she touches him first, and then only sparingly, particularity before that first kiss. Can you say octopus man?!


Those aren't rules, they're just generalizations. Charming men can talk about sex and "touch women first"; the issue is that most men aren't charming enough to do so, so they shouldn't attempt it.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 35
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/4/2014 7:14:35 AM

My question is are all men going to be that way? I am looking for a relationship.


Why do men do this? Because they can. Because women respond to it. And from then on is just a matter of numbers.

However, the opposite approach works as well, sometimes even better. That is the guy who is a total gentleman and even though throw little hints, throws the woman off kilter and it's her the one suggesting to go over her place.

So what you should do. Realize that those guys that bring up sex right away, or before the actual date, are only interested in sex. So that should be easy to filter. Be more careful with SOB's like me, who behave like a gentleman and then still get you in bed. So put in your filters, conversations about how they feel about relationships, and then see if their honesty is real.

Back in the day, I didn't mind a one night stand. But with age you get to a point that it's not meat what you want, but the whole relationship. Yes, with sex, but sex with only one person.

So, are there any gentlemen left? Of course there are.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 36
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/4/2014 7:15:58 AM
abc, I agree. when having fun with a guy, these subjects can come up rather quickly-and it is fun and welcome when it is not done in the context that the OP wrote about. The rapid, ego serving "let me tell you about my conquests, then make you one" manner. A mutually shared instant "I get you" attraction, which is comfortable, easy going and kinda more teas-ey/jokey/non threatening. Can be lots of fun.

It can be a wonderful thing to be touched first, and it doesn't take much for a significant message to be conveyed very subtly.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 37
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/4/2014 7:16:10 AM

Those aren't rules, they're just generalizations. Charming men can talk about sex and "touch women first"; the issue is that most men aren't charming enough to do so, so they shouldn't attempt it.


I think this is true.

It's been my experience that whatever is said and how I accept it, is directly related to how I feel about the person
saying it. This goes for most things said...male or female.

If I'm enjoying someone's company and they start talking about sex, the onus is on me to either join in or steer the
conversation in another direction. I don't mind flirtation and conversations about sex, but if I'm turned off by
the guy, it's just beyond yucky. If it's beyond yucky, I'm out of there.

You need to speak your mind and learn to say no. Unless you let someone know what your expectations are, they
will just assume it's okei to move forward with their expectations. Be brave!

*They should make a song outta that*
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 38
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Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/4/2014 7:16:50 AM
Of course not all men are going to be like this but what I have found that is happening with online is that:
1) 90% of the men don't take online dating seriously. They want to pu$$y shop. For a vast majority online accelerates the path to sex. It's much easier to hit someone up online than it is to take the risk and meet someone in real life. Real life "dates" can be skipped over and go right to "house dates".
2) There are good women online looking for a relationship but give up due to having multiple bad experiences and having to wade through an inbox full of men who are just coochie hunting.

This leaves the men who are actually worthwhile and looking without a shot. They never even get a chance to show there are good people online because the women are gone, not looking online anymore or have given up dating altogether.

If your going to stay online you have to get really good at filtering. Even then it's a challenge! Know the environment your working with. Online is a totally different beast than meeting in real life just like meeting someone at a club is way different than meeting someone at a library. Adjust accordingly!
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 39
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Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/4/2014 10:06:34 AM

Did you expect any less from "Let Me Tell Another Horror Story From My Life That Proves How Disgusting All Men Are" NDTFan?


Some people on the forum really do become parodies of themselves. I don't think it helps people like the OP when they make huge exaggerations about a particular gender.


OP, there are plenty of decent men out there. Unfortunately, online dating attracts the weirdos from both genders. On this forum you will also see stories of women expecting to be exclusive on a first date - those who think that a because you bought her a coffee she is already planning the wedding...

Just keep plugging away because your diamond will turn up. In time you will learn to identify the bad eggs and how to avoid them.


That's absolutely right. Online dating attracts a lot of strange characters. You just have to use common sense and ignore the people that set off red flags right away.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 40
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Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/4/2014 10:18:17 AM
Is that the best picture you have? Do you really expect to get serious responses.

The minute a man's conversation gets out of line excuse yourself and walk out. You are there for a first meet, it should be coffee, a public place and hopefully with divorce papers.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 41
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/4/2014 10:22:38 AM
So am I the only one who believes that true gentlemen don't date married (separated = still married) women? Being categorized as separated will likely distill out the gentlemen and leave the players. Finish things up with the divorce first, then date.
 localRenoite12
Joined: 4/17/2013
Msg: 42
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/4/2014 11:10:30 AM
There are no gentlemen anymore because they aren't desirable. In this age being self centered, assertive, and forward are considered more attractive than chivalry or being humble.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 43
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Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/4/2014 11:23:49 AM

There are no gentlemen anymore because they aren't desirable. In this age being self centered, assertive, and forward are considered more attractive than chivalry or being humble.


If being self centered, assertive, and forward are more attractive, why isn't she with those men? I think you're confusing the qualities of attractive men with men that are that are trolling online for one night stands.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 44
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/4/2014 11:33:33 AM

There are gentlemen out there, but if you continuously get the same type of men, you need to adjust your personal filters as to what you are seeking on this site.


Oh come on....we can't control who contacts us! And you can't blame women who men's choice to be smarmy right off the bat!

All the op is asking for it a man who treats other people in a proper and polite way.

Most women want that.Problem being, for some reason,alot of men consider on-line dating
to be on-line free sex and ruin it for the men who actually are here to date and fall in love.

Having been propositioned 9 out of 10 times for sex when I first joined here,no matter what my photo's looked liked or what I said to deter sex only seekers,I fast realized that this is "just how it is" and didn't date a single man who lead with his d i c k and left his manners at the door.

It's one thing to be looking for sex within a meaningful relationship,it's another to think we women are just desperate enough to settle for having sex with anyone who asks just because we are on-line looking for love and sex within a trusting and mutually excluive relationship~!

Don't worry OP....there are a "few good men" out there looking for more than sex.....but for the most part,expect them to be so lonely and horny they forget we are human beings with hearts.

ps...if you aren't one of those men who goes straight for sex or pretends to want more no need to defend your sex.


Yeah there are gentlemen on here but guess what. If you act like too much of a gentleman, 9 times out of 10 you'll get "hey I want to see you again but just as friends"....

Can't win...

I call BS.What's acting like too much of a gentleman? If there is no sexual attraction,no amount of decency will override a woman's decision.

WE WANT BOTH....As I am sure you do too as men.

A lady in the street and a freak between the sheets.....
A man in the street and a freak between the sheets.....

Well...at least I do and I didn't settle until I found him!

And I happened to have found him here.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 45
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/4/2014 12:14:46 PM

Just because a man is the former, the latter does not automatically follow

No one said it did.
Believe me,I for one KNOW that the "good looking" ones have the most entitlement issues!My guy is bald,short,thin and oozes with character and empathy!!!
 localRenoite12
Joined: 4/17/2013
Msg: 46
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/4/2014 12:25:56 PM


If being self centered, assertive, and forward are more attractive, why isn't she with those men? I think you're confusing the qualities of attractive men with men that are that are trolling online for one night stands.


Some of the worst men I know do the best with women. One guy I know hits his girlfriends and cheats on them all the time but he is rarely single.
 Carpe_Diem_because
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 47
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/4/2014 12:33:55 PM
There are. If you have not met them (the one for you) you have to keep trying - if at first you don't succeed, try, try and try again.

((That and invest in a lucky charm.))
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 48
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Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/4/2014 1:18:05 PM

Some of the worst men I know do the best with women. One guy I know hits his girlfriends and cheats on them all the time but he is rarely single.


I believe you. The problem is that an abuse man can have qualities of an attractive man. A serial killer can have good qualities too, like being a fun person to hang out with, or good looks, etc. It's the attractive qualities that gets him the girlfriends, not the abusive qualities. For example, a man that is confident will attract women and a man that is confident and self centered will also attract women. A lot of women are willing to overlook the negative qualities when they find the positive ones. The same can be said for men. A lot of men will overlook negative qualities when they find a really good looking woman. She could be lazy or flirtatious with other men but they will overlook that because they found something they want.
 beth414
Joined: 1/26/2014
Msg: 49
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/4/2014 2:09:18 PM
Thank you all for taking the time to respond. I want to clear up a couple things though. First I did go on a date with the first man but he didn't talk about sex prior to the date. The second guy I only messaged/texted one night and walked away when he wouldn't change the subject. The second thing is the fact that I am only separated. It is a long story that I won't get into but I am still married legally only. There is no chance for reconciliation. We have not been together for over a year. I am not pushing the divorce because I need his health insurance and he would remarry in a heartbeat just to spite me. You don't have to agree with it but it is what I need to do for the time being. As far as my picture goes, I feel that is irrelevant to the topic at hand. I need a better pic no question but it isn't horrible! The tag line comment got me thinking and I will change that. Thanks again!
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 50
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/5/2014 2:49:18 AM

The second thing is the fact that I am only separated. It is a long story that I won't get into but I am still married legally only. There is no chance for reconciliation. We have not been together for over a year. I am not pushing the divorce because I need his health insurance and he would remarry in a heartbeat just to spite me. You don't have to agree with it but it is what I need to do for the time being.


I came here to date while I was separated,so did my ex-husband,knowing full well it was OVER but my state demanded a year and a day before I could file for divorce .I met a man who was also separated, who's wife refused to divorce him for 3 years while we were living together.We both fell in love and got our divorces.

There are alot of people here who are separated and while some will judge them as "married" others know better.Everyone has a story.For some,it's a deal breaker.So be it.For others,it's not. But that's off topic.


I need a better pic no question but it isn't horrible! The tag line comment got me thinking and I will change that. Thanks again!


Your photo is fine! It's not like you are dressing provacatively or "asking for" what you are getting.If you want to,you can leave a message in your profile stating that if a man comes at you sexually,right off the bat it's a total turn off and unacceptable,and he won't be responded to,but that won't ward them all off.
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