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 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 101
Are there any gentlemen out there?Page 5 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
I can handle being a gentleman for 3 dates max:)


Then what happens? Pray tell.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 102
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/9/2014 10:02:46 AM
I can handle being a gentleman for 3 dates max:)


Then what happens? Pray tell.

It's someone else's turn to buy the condoms? ;)
 TOaks91360
Joined: 11/22/2013
Msg: 103
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/9/2014 12:06:58 PM
I was kidding....

I fold up my wallet and check out page 3 in the catalog. Kidding again
 traveltrekker
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 104
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/10/2014 7:43:13 PM

It's heartbreaking to see that we all want to love and be loved in return yet we are confused as ever.


Actually, after thousands upon thousands of years of evolutionary advancement of the human species, I would describe the situation as more "pathetic" than "heartbreaking", if people are as confused as ever. How many years do they need to get it right?
 leafs.fan.89
Joined: 4/26/2013
Msg: 105
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/10/2014 8:37:01 PM
It's really frustrating as a "nice guy" or "gentleman" to see how many women seem so jaded to wonder if there are any gentleman out there. There are in fact lots of us out there, but we aren't the ones sending tons of messages, trying to pick you up at the street corner, and you certainly won't meet us at the bar! I see it all the time on girls pages about how they are sick of getting sent penis pictures, or guys who expect sex right away, and how they just want to find a "nice guy". I would never ask for sex (or even discuss anything sexual) within the first 3 dates. The first three dates to me should be just seeing if you have a connection and can enjoy each others company (of course, if she was aggressive, I'm not saying I would turn her down!).

Unfortunately, despite what most women say, they still want the bad boy, even though it's completely predictable when he turns out to be an ***hole. I see my female friends go through this all the time, until they finally date a nice guy and realize that a guy who is always there for them, treats them with respect, and puts her needs ahead of his own is far more rewarding than the guy who is the funniest in the room, or has the most exciting stories. Most women my age (24) still haven't figured this out yet though, and keep going through the same cycle, and won't give us "nice guys" a chance. Whenever I message girls who make these complaints about ***holes on their page, they never give me the time of day, so it would seem they don't learn their lesson.

As some have suggested, the best way to avoid ***holes/ douchebags who just want to get laid is for women to take things into their own hands, make their profile private, and message the guys that they find interesting. Keep in mind that the guys who are looking just to get laid are sending out tons of messages every day, where us nice guys are sitting on the sidelines staring at the cute girls profile for days before we get up the courage to message her.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 106
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History
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/10/2014 9:37:13 PM

It's really frustrating as a "nice guy" or "gentleman" to see how many women seem so jaded to wonder if there are any gentleman out there. There are in fact lots of us out there, but we aren't the ones sending tons of messages, trying to pick you up at the street corner, and you certainly won't meet us at the bar!


You don't go to bars with your friends to meet up and have a drink or watch a game? You don't meet groups of women with said friends when you're out? I know quite a few people who have met at a bar and have actually married some legitimately nice people? What do bars have to do with anything?

Or are you confusing "introvert that never goes out to social places" with "nice?"
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 107
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/10/2014 9:51:41 PM

Most women my age (24) still haven't figured this out yet though, and keep going through the same cycle, and won't give us "nice guys" a chance. Whenever I message girls who make these complaints about ***holes on their page, they never give me the time of day, so it would seem they don't learn their lesson.


Not only do they not learn their lesson, they will categorize the "nice guy" as a douchebag because he was obviously only being "nice" to get into her pants. And just what do they think the bad boy is trying to do?
 leafs.fan.89
Joined: 4/26/2013
Msg: 108
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/10/2014 10:12:18 PM
You don't go to bars with your friends to meet up and have a drink or watch a game? You don't meet groups of women with said friends when you're out? I know quite a few people who have met at a bar and have actually married some legitimately nice people? What do bars have to do with anything?

Or are you confusing "introvert that never goes out to social places" with "nice?"

Clarification: We won't be the guys starting up conversations with random women at the bar. Yes, of course I go to the bar with my buds to catch a game, or shoot the shit over a few beers, but I don't go there with any intention of talking to anyone outside of the group I'm there with. My point was mainly that most "nice guys" aren't the type to start up random conversations, whether its at the bar, in the grocery line, or at the street corner, and that if women are sick of only meeting ***holes, they should try taking the initiative to talk to guys, rather than waiting to be approached, because just waiting for guys to talk to them will yield a very high amount of guys who are just looking for sex. Myself and most of my friends are really nice guys, but don't have the confidence to approach a woman that they don't have a reason to speak to.

I think this is the reason for the widespread assertion that "all men are jerks" or "there's no gentlemen anymore" from women. Such assertions are wholly incorrect, but I can totally understand where a woman would get that idea if she always expects the men to come to her, since a high proportion of cold approaches are by guys looking for sex.
 ZoopCoop
Joined: 2/5/2014
Msg: 109
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/10/2014 11:51:22 PM
Beth you and thousands of other women all have this same problem with online dating. The dreaded he only want's sex from me guy. Your not alone With online dates, women are much, much more disappointed than men. Lucky for you there is a simple solution.
Simply put 90% of all women online date the same 10% of guys. The guy's in this top 10% range for a number of psychobable reasons are typically after sex. ... see rock star syndrome. Women date these same guys because of 1000's of years of evolutionary biology. You might be shocked to know that women rank 80% of all men online as below average in looks. You all think men are ugly and we are but that's beside the point. Combine this with the low response rates 4% for men and 27% for women, the lack of personal connection in online dating and we have a fundamental problem of expectations from Women. So in the end I would encourage you to read more profiles and put less weight on the pictures. Meet for coffee more often and give that guy who sent you a well thought out message a chance, he might just be your soulmate.
Now to be fair there are plenty of things that guys do that are problematic but in this response I really am only pointing out the choices, at least according to the numbers, that women usually make.
 juliettes7
Joined: 11/4/2012
Msg: 110
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/11/2014 1:51:26 AM
"I think this is the reason for the widespread assertion that "all men are jerks" or "there's no gentlemen anymore" from women. Such assertions are wholly incorrect, but I can totally understand where a woman would get that idea if she always expects the men to come to her, since a high proportion of cold approaches are by guys looking for sex."

If gal approaches a guy, he assumes sex will happen, that she is "interested" vs curious to find out about him.

Then she is labelled "tease" for not following through (if she realizes they are at odds in wants or goals or needs), and possibly with some guys, nasty scenes.

This is why she doesn't pursue anyone unless somehow smitten already. And who do both genders go after? The best looking, accomplished, etc.

If you want some gals to approach you--
Don't assume sex will happen.
Don't get bitter if you get LJBF or call it blowing hot n cold, teasing, fake flirts, slander all of womankind because somebody talked to you a few times, and didn't want to go further.

That is why they don't approach.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 111
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/11/2014 5:12:20 AM

1) They think it is beneath them - that's for men to do thank you very much
2) Delicate ego - women are even worse at taking rejection than men are

Or how about #3 - they simply don't have to?
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 112
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/11/2014 7:07:37 AM

does that mean all women only know how to ask dumb questions??


No such thing as a dumb questions, but there are dumb people who ask questions. *drum roll* It's not gender specific.
 leafs.fan.89
Joined: 4/26/2013
Msg: 113
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/11/2014 7:21:54 AM
If gal approaches a guy, he assumes sex will happen, that she is "interested" vs curious to find out about him.

Then she is labelled "tease" for not following through (if she realizes they are at odds in wants or goals or needs), and possibly with some guys, nasty scenes.

This is why she doesn't pursue anyone unless somehow smitten already. And who do both genders go after? The best looking, accomplished, etc.

If you want some gals to approach you--
Don't assume sex will happen.
Don't get bitter if you get LJBF or call it blowing hot n cold, teasing, fake flirts, slander all of womankind because somebody talked to you a few times, and didn't want to go further.

That is why they don't approach.

Nope, this is only true for the same ***holes/ douchebag types that I was discussing earlier. Most guys are super impressed when a women approaches, it shows she is independent and ambitious. Some women seem to think guys are "turned off" by aggressive women, but I have no idea where that perception comes from, if anything, I'm so impressed when a woman actually comes and talks to me that I become way more interested in her than I was before.

I find it amusing that your advice to us is to not "slander all womankind", at the exact same time as you make huge incorrect generalizations about men, based on the behavior of a few immature jerks.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 114
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/11/2014 9:03:42 AM
^^^
It was a smarty pant/sassy response to the question, lol.
 Princess12524
Joined: 12/23/2013
Msg: 115
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/11/2014 9:51:06 AM

Or how about #3 - they simply don't have to?

Those who don't have to aren't usually the ones complaining they only get attention from "jerks" and "creeps".

Perhaps the poster who gave us #3 is telling you that some women have enough attention from various men that they do not have to HUNT...they choose the best one for them.

note her profile pic shows her blissfully happy w/ a man at her side ;0D
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 116
view profile
History
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/11/2014 10:09:10 AM

Perhaps the poster who gave us #3 is telling you that some women have enough attention from various men that they do not have to HUNT...they choose the best one for them.


Ah but the pool to pick the "best" from will be limited to those who approach you. Kinda like only shopping from the items displayed at the end of the aisle. If you know the characteristics you're looking for and see them in a man, why just cross your fingers and hope he comes after you? Unless of course one of those key characteristics is someone who will always take the initiative.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 117
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/11/2014 10:19:32 AM
The point I think needs making is asking yourself the question...
Am I doing EVERYTHING I can to find a good match?
The answer should almost always be 'No' because there is always plenty of other avenues to work on, and other people to work with - the hard part is realizing what they are, and that it's YOUR responsibility to do something about it - not anyone else's.
 Midwest_Southwest2
Joined: 11/1/2013
Msg: 118
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/11/2014 10:19:50 AM

Nope, this is only true for the same ***holes/ douchebag types that I was discussing earlier. Most guys are super impressed when a women approaches, it shows she is independent and ambitious. Some women seem to think guys are "turned off" by aggressive women, but I have no idea where that perception comes from, if anything, I'm so impressed when a woman actually comes and talks to me that I become way more interested in her than I was before.


Gotta agree with this! In my experience, it’s a way to determine if you’ve found a strong guy- maybe the most efficient way. If some guy draws the wrong conclusions, or treats you the wrong way, you can cross that one off quickly as a faux-alpha or ***hole/ douchebag type.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 119
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/11/2014 11:27:28 AM
I'm starting to feel slighted here.
I've gotten lots of mail from men here, and only one creeped me out with his
question of "do you like bubble baths." The combination of his picture and the
question was just a giant ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

The rest of the mail has been nice...with some of course alluding to my weight
as I have "a few extra pounds" listed. I find this almost more annoying than the
bubble bath question.

I think these odd questions are mostly reserved for online dating, because people
can pretty much ask whatever they want without any expectations...lots of hope
maybe, but they probably figure it never hurts to ask.

I don't think people do this when you meet in real life. If they do, (at least for me)
it falls back on my previous post that it depends entirely on how I feel about them.
I think most people can get an idea of what the other is thinking by their body language
or attention to their conversation. If someone I'm not interested in makes comments
I find yucky, I figure they know they're going to turn me off and do so
because they've got nothing to lose, which for me, translates to a lack of respect.

I guess I'm funny like that.
I've learned to respond to people directly so there's no confusion where I stand
on pretty much any issue. I'm rarely offended because I don't take most people
seriously and I'm rarely interested in what strangers think of me.

I do find it interesting all these cries for sex. I can't figure out if its a good thing
or a bad thing that I seem to be missing whatever it is that compels guys to ask
for sex from most everyone but me.

 Vertical-Man
Joined: 11/9/2013
Msg: 120
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/11/2014 11:33:06 AM
I'm sure you all agree that as you read the many comments on this topic of finding a gentleman -or a lady- it's quite confusing. While it's understandable no one has ALL the answers as to what constitutes a healthy amorous relationship, we all seem to get stuck in this world of relativism with so many divergent opinions. A man can say he is a gentleman but it's all a matter of degree. And even if a man was a saint, endowed with the noblest of virtues, it does not make even a particle of difference if women are unable to acknowledge him. It's all too easy to say I want a mate whose virtues are exceptional but often the one saying it has not lived up to them; we often want in others what we lack in ourselves. In this respect, a woman on this site said she is

"well educated in several fields, including relationship psychology, and I love to keep learning".

She also said she is a "deep thinker" and studies relationship psychology. I was elated because I've been interested in these topics for decades. So I briefly replied by describing my interest in (humanistic) psychology. 4 days went by and no response from her. It makes you wonder why it is that a woman who claims to know so much about relationships is not able to say anything. Am I a threat? Are her claims bogus? Is she afraid that I just might be one of those men who -unlike her- is not afraid of intimacy? Who knows. All I know is that the way men and women go about meeting each other in online personals is making it far worse than we realize. We have no qualms going to many interviews to find a good job. Why is it we can't do the same when finding a good mate? I say this because meeting another in the flesh gets us out of cyberspace and humanizes the relationship. But I get the impression most women are afraid of meeting men in person. I've even offered them dinner as an incentive but no matter what I say or what I offer, it's always either ignored or most likely looked at with suspicion.

If you have, say, 20 men who claim they are gentlemen. How do you find out that, among them, one of them has the attributes of BEING one that is above the rest? I don't know about all of you but if we really want it bad enough, if we really want that exceptional mate that will be our last, we will never find him/her unless we interact with others in a personal level.
 EricTheBrave
Joined: 12/31/2013
Msg: 121
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/11/2014 11:40:41 AM

She also said she is a "deep thinker" and studies relationship psychology. I was elated because I've been interested in these topics for decades. So I briefly replied by describing my interest in (humanistic) psychology. 4 days went by and no response from her. It makes you wonder why it is that a woman who claims to know so much about relationships is not able to say anything. Am I a threat? Are her claims bogus? Is she afraid that I just might be one of those men who -unlike her- is not afraid of intimacy? Who knows.


C'mon. Is this so hard to figure out?
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 122
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History
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/11/2014 12:00:07 PM

Why is it we can't do the same when finding a good mate? I say this because meeting another in the flesh gets us out of cyberspace and humanizes the relationship. But I get the impression most women are afraid of meeting men in person. I've even offered them dinner as an incentive but no matter what I say or what I offer, it's always either ignored or most likely looked at with suspicion.


They don't want to meet because they don't feel attraction. Offering them dinner doesn't make them feel attraction that isn't there. It actually hurts you because it comes across like you're trying to win their approval and buy their time. You should be the prize. You shouldn't be begging other people to spend time with you. You have to throw away this approach and learn what works if you want a better success rate.


If you have, say, 20 men who claim they are gentlemen. How do you find out that, among them, one of them has the attributes of BEING one that is above the rest? I don't know about all of you but if we really want it bad enough, if we really want that exceptional mate that will be our last, we will never find him/her unless we interact with others in a personal level.


It doesn't really matter who the gentleman is. What matters is who is able to make a woman feel attraction. Being polite and honest are a plus, but the game is over before it starts if you can't make people feel something.
 Midwest_Southwest2
Joined: 11/1/2013
Msg: 123
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/11/2014 12:08:39 PM

C'mon. Is this so hard to figure out?

No. She’s not interested or busy.
He’s got dashed expectations, I guess, not handled in a gentlemanly manner. (i.e. entitlement and bad temper)
 traveltrekker
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 124
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/11/2014 12:27:41 PM

I don't know about all of you but if we really want it bad enough, if we really want that exceptional mate that will be our last, we will never find him/her unless we interact with others in a personal level.


That is pretty obvious to anyone who thinks logically, but unfortunately, the overriding reality is that most people are bigger talkers than doers. Like the person who claims for 10 years that they would love to go to Europe but never does anything about it versus the person who says they would love to go to Europe and goes and gets a passport and a plane ticket and just goes.
 QuietFire92
Joined: 9/1/2013
Msg: 125
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/11/2014 2:17:27 PM
I run across women making these comments but it just doesn't match up with reality. The problem is... a good portion (practically most) of the women on these sites (and even offline) say one thing but actually do another. Most end up going for the aggressive, brutish, playboy types. These men tend to do the most asking...and keep going until they get a yes. So naturally many women eventually end up with these types of men at some point (some repeatedly). This is largely due to the fact that women seem to be hardwired to go for the bad boy... even when there are red flags indicating that they should leave them alone (see the report on women's dating habits by Kristina Durante from the University of Texas San Antonio). This, in some ways, explains why women tend to go for the same type every time.

Meanwhile, decent guys, particularly men who don't send hundreds of messages a month, just become background noise. From my experience, there is a large portion of women (I sense it's most) are not very interested in the decent guy, family guy, the "nice" guy or the gentleman. These men are often viewed as boring... not exciting enough, etc.

I personally don't bother sending out very many messages (maybe 2 a month or so). I just don't have the time nor the interest in writing that much. My advice would be to take the initiative to contact a guy who seems worthy. I actually prefer to be contacted.... I hate the chase.
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