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 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 151
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Are there any gentlemen out there?Page 7 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
beth414

I agree this website is particularly sleazy in my experience. Once they started with the sex talk I was gone and the stupid men would just move on to the next target and probably do the same thing and then wonder why they get nowhere!!
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 152
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 9/25/2015 6:30:16 PM
Hope so.


I am currently trying to turn a gentleman friend into a 'gentleman friend'.
Met him in real life.
Have gone out and done things together about 10 times so far.
Speak on the phone a few times a week in between face to face outings.

I am not sure if he is being a gentleman, shy or just interested in friendship.

There has been the occasional slightly risque text and xxx at the end but nothing else.

I seem to attract one extreme or the other.
Wish I could find a middle ground.
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 153
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 9/25/2015 6:46:57 PM


I am currently trying to turn a gentleman friend into a 'gentleman friend'.
Met him in real life.
Have gone out and done things together about 10 times so far.
Speak on the phone a few times a week in between face to face outings.

I am not sure if he is being a gentleman, shy or just interested in friendship.

There has been the occasional slightly risque text and xxx at the end but nothing else.

I seem to attract one extreme or the other.
Wish I could find a middle ground.



I only know you from your forum postings but you do not seem to be shy at all. Grin
I have been in his position where it starts out being "friends" and seems to progress beyond that. It is difficult for me to make that first move and in that situation it is almost impossible, wonder if he is the same.
Tough deal, does a discussion about taking it further ruin the friendship and is it worth the risk?? Sounds like it would be for you.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 154
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 9/25/2015 8:07:11 PM
Dear Dragracer.

Quite right.
I am certainly not shy.

Yep... I am trying to tread the fine line between leaving incomprehensible hints and being an overpowering bulldozer and frighten him away. That damned bulldozer has intimidated and scared off enough.

What is even more complex he is a 'practical engineer type' who thinks and works with facts and thinks a lot before speaking or acting. Whereas I have been known to rush in where angels fear to tread.

Methinks the overpowering bulldozer may need to be fired up. lol

OK Dragracer... How would you prefer a woman in this situation to bring up the discussion?

I am expecting to speak with him on the phone today and we are doing a group activity with other people tomorrow.
We have had about 5 just the two of us outings, plus driving in the one car to group activities.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 155
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Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 9/25/2015 9:22:19 PM
Depends on how far you want to push the "Gentleman."Go slowly, and don't get upset when he forgets. A couple tried to reform me. I was willing, but I forgot a few times. And I got the stinkeye because I forgot.

Things get set in stone. When life gets hectic, proper manors can go sailing out the window. If he's receptive to the refining of manors, then you may have success. Just remember that change takes time.
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 156
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 9/26/2015 5:36:04 AM



What is even more complex he is a 'practical engineer type' who thinks and works with facts and thinks a lot before speaking or acting. Whereas I have been known to rush in where angels fear to tread.

LOL, I have been asked before " do you analyze everything ??"



OK Dragracer... How would you prefer a woman in this situation to bring up the discussion?

I am expecting to speak with him on the phone today and we are doing a group activity with other people tomorrow.
We have had about 5 just the two of us outings, plus driving in the one car to group activities.

Not during either one of those activities, one on one after dinner in an at least semi intimate setting. After this much time together if this conversation goes as you would like I doubt there will be much holding back. Grin There is never going to an appropriate spot in the conversation to bring this up beyond blurting it out during a pause in the conversation. Saying " I would like us to be more than friends and wondered what you thought???". You can only let the chips fall where they may after that.
I do know for me a rejection at this point would cast a permanent cloud on the relationship and most likely end it, I assume this thought is what is holding you back also.

Hope that helps, I wish you well and that it works out for you. I enjoy your posts and if ever I make it to Aussie I would like to meet you.
 MisterEd0950
Joined: 4/19/2006
Msg: 157
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 9/26/2015 5:54:30 AM
Yes Beth414 there are still a few of us around....
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 158
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Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 9/26/2015 10:35:23 AM

sealady111
I am currently trying to turn a gentleman friend into a 'gentleman friend'.

I am not sure if he is being a gentleman, shy or just interested in friendship.


Very few men are interested in “just friendship” with an attractive woman. I refer you to the famous (infamous?) dialog in “When Harry Met Sally”. (The 2nd dialog on this page)
https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/When_Harry_Met_Sally...

As to “how to proceed”, I agree with dragracer:

dragracer428
Saying " I would like us to be more than friends and wondered what you thought???". You can only let the chips fall where they may after that.


And another thought that occurs to me. If this guy is indeed a “practical engineer type”, he may very well want to know your intentions. Your real intentions, I mean. Are you looking for a “long term committed relationship only” or are you open to “casual lover” type of thing?

I have, in the past, been accused of “moving too fast” and “never making a move when you should have”. It’s damned difficult for a man to figure this out, to know how fast or slow, what is expected of him. Take, for instance, your comment, above, about “gentleman friend”. I have absolutely no clue what this means. Could be anything from “marriage” to “boy friend” to “FWB”.

One thing for sure, if he finds you at all attractive, you can just take his hand and lead him to the bedroom. Then let the future be damned, things will play out as they will.
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 159
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 9/26/2015 11:11:42 AM
OP is long gone but the message still applies.

Are there any men on this site who can/will have a first real conversation/MEET and not be looking to talk about/desire nothing more than sex? I have a feeling that is what you are meaning when you say "gentlemen". Of course there are. Just not many considering this site is a FREE one translating to mostly horny men and lonely women looking for other STs. Serial Typists. A sympathetic ear as in typing buddy ONLY. (who is likely to vanish with the first mention of a phone call or meet)

One important thing to keep in mind is that emailing/texting/chatting are NOT real communication IMO and with every button pushed on some device, your odds of "success" diminish.

It's one of the most common mistakes that so many using OLD make.

At least those actually looking for a LTR.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 160
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 9/26/2015 11:13:23 AM
Omg not another thread complaining about men.
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 5/6/2015
Msg: 161
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 9/26/2015 11:27:15 AM
Well, what the hell else are we going to complain about? I'd like to start a thread specifically for venting about anything and everything, but everyone will be like ohhhh, nooo, we can't have that! There's a local radio station that offers this on a program called "Ticked off Tuesday" - it's my fave. Not to mention hilarious.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 162
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 9/26/2015 11:40:04 AM
NEWSFLASH!!!!!

This just in. All the "gentlemen" of the world have been snatched by aliens. I got grabbed a couple of weekends ago but, alas, I got sent back.

Rejected!!!!!


Again..................
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 163
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 9/26/2015 11:41:16 AM
That's a good idea. Let's start a thread like that.
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 5/6/2015
Msg: 164
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 9/26/2015 11:52:09 AM

That's a good idea. Let's start a thread like that.


You first! But no poo heads can post on it. I'll be one who decides who the poo heads are :)
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 165
just nod if you can hear, is there anyone....home
Posted: 9/26/2015 1:11:29 PM
"All the "gentlemen" of the world have been snatched by aliens"

>>>so, apparently gentleman can actually get some alien snatch. Does that make me a poo-head? If so, they stuck the probe in the wrong place....
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 166
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 9/26/2015 1:33:36 PM
I hear that alien sex is better anyway. An orgasm can last for weeks at a time.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 167
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 9/26/2015 2:46:16 PM
Henry Message 175

"And another thought that occurs to me. If this guy is indeed a “practical engineer type”, he may very well want to know your intentions. Your real intentions, I mean. Are you looking for a “long term committed relationship only” or are you open to “casual lover” type of thing?"


Quite right, Henry. He may very well want to know my intentions.

Yes I am seeking a long term committed relationship.
Not necessarily living together nor combined finances but what most people would consider a boyfriend / girlfriend... partnership.
Exclusive. Get to know each other.
Yes be sexual and enjoy each other in all respects.


As is often mentioned on here... casual lover is available to any woman. Any time.
If I wanted that I would approach a young stud.

Hmmm..
Now there is an idea...... lol






p.s. Walts...... you do not fool anyone.

pps. Mr ED ..... A gentleman does not publish what is in your posting history.

Yes there are gentlemen in our midst.
Thank heavens.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 168
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 9/26/2015 4:00:02 PM
Real gentlemen still exist.

But they are tired of people hijacking being a gentleman with being the "nice" guy. Or that being a gentleman is about opening doors and being a wuss. A gentleman is someone that is capable of making tough decisions, even tell a woman off or put her in her place without qualm or fear of the consequences. He does not spend time trying to validate himself to her. He does what he believes. Once a gentleman is with a lady and they are a pair. The become a storm of passion. And the gentleman he's as capable of cleaning the kitchen and doing the dishes as he is of taking his lady in a night on the town.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 169
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Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 9/26/2015 10:57:12 PM
"Gentleman" is a word that's just been thrown around and used for it's rhetorical effect, so acquiring different ambiguous meanings. And the phrase "where are the gentleman" sometimes indicates that unexamined mindset which might include some mealy-mouthness or laziness or unaccountability on the woman's part. But sometimes it's used correctly. And sometimes, what it means is exactly what it means to just be a "man", making you wonder what's the difference? And sometimes it's used in a pretentious manner.

What do the dictionaries say?

Gentleman:

- a chivalrous, courteous, or honorable man.

- a man who treats other people in a proper and polite way.

- a man whose conduct conforms to a high standard of propriety or correct behavior.

- a civilized, educated, sensitive, or well-mannered man.

- A well-mannered and considerate man with high standards of proper behavior.

- a person above the rank of common tradesmen when their manners are indicative of a certain amount of refinement and intelligence.

&

- a man of good family, breeding, or social position.

- a man of high social status.

- a man of noble or gentle birth.

- a man of good social standing, as a noble or an armigerous commoner.

- a man regarded as having qualities of refinement associated with a good family.

- a man who is cultured, courteous, and well-educated.

- A man of gentle or noble birth or superior social position.

- A man of good social position, especially one of wealth and leisure.

&

- a man of a good family (especially one entitled to a coat of arms) but not of the nobility.

- a male attendant upon a king, queen, or other royal person, who is himself of high birth or rank.

- a man of the lowest rank of the English gentry, standing below an esquire and above a yeoman.

&

- A man of independent means who does not need to have a wage-paying job.

- a man of independent means who does not engage in any occupation or profession for gain.

- a man who does not engage in a menial occupation or in manual labor for gain.

&

- a male personal servant, especially of a man of social position; valet.

- a polite or formal way of referring to a man.

&

- The Gentleman is always truthful and sincere; will not agree for the sake of complaisance or out of weakness ; will not pass over that of which he disapproves. He has a clear soul, and a fearless, straightforward tongue. On the other hand he is not blunt and rude. His truth is courteous; his courtesy, truthful; never a humbug, yet, where he truthfully can, he prefers to say pleasant things. [J.R. Vernon, "Contemporary Review," 1869]

- The forbearing use of power does not only form a touchstone, but the manner in which an individual enjoys certain advantages over others is a test of a true gentleman.

- The power which the strong have over the weak, the employer over the employed, the educated over the unlettered, the experienced over the confiding, even the clever over the silly — the forbearing or inoffensive use of all this power or authority, or a total abstinence from it when the case admits it, will show the gentleman in a plain light.

- The gentleman does not needlessly and unnecessarily remind an offender of a wrong he may have committed against him. He can not only forgive, he can forget; and he strives for that nobleness of self and mildness of character which impart sufficient strength to let the past be but the past. A true man of honor feels humbled himself when he cannot help humbling others.

- gentlemen be those whom their race and blood, or at the least their virtues, do make noble and known. A gentleman was in his time usually expected to have a coat of arms, it being accepted that only a gentleman could have a coat of arms.



But consider also these originator terms:

Landed Gentry: a largely historical privileged British social class consisting of land owners who could live entirely from rental income.

Chivalry:

- the system of values (such as loyalty and honor) that knights in the Middle Ages were expected to follow.

- an honorable and polite way of behaving especially toward women.

- The combination of qualities expected of an ideal knight, especially courage, honor, courtesy, justice, and a readiness to help the weak.


But so the real problem with using words like gentleman and chivalry in the dating world is that they're unclarified, and a person needs to explain what they mean by these words. Just like the problem with "bad boy" and "nice guy" -

...people hijacking being a gentleman with being the "nice" guy. Or that being a gentleman is about opening doors and being a wuss...

I have so many times been called a "bad boy" by some women, yet called a "nice guy" by others. I learned that the different things that they meant were so inconsistent, arbitrary, and ambiguous. What some people mean is referring to pretentious appearance only. And what others mean refers to certain character traits. Some of those "bad boy" character traits which used to be thought of as attractive or masculine, today would be called psychologically unstable, abusive, inconsiderate, and dog-eat-dog live-and-let-die selfish and narcissistic. Some of what a person might attribute to the nice-guy, another person would attribute to the bad-boy. And etc etc et-freaking-cetera.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 170
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 9/26/2015 11:05:33 PM

The power which the strong have over the weak, the employer over the employed, the educated over the unlettered, the experienced over the confiding, even the clever over the silly — the forbearing or inoffensive use of all this power or authority, or a total abstinence from it when the case admits it, will show the gentleman in a plain light.

Yup. The character test of power over others. I mentioned this up in the Character vs. Personality thread.
 UZEASY
Joined: 8/3/2015
Msg: 171
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 9/27/2015 6:06:07 AM

Omg not another thread complaining about men.


NJgirls its always men to blamed. sometime I feel women are asking for License to use a shot gun as the desire in the name of equality :P
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 172
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 9/27/2015 8:42:41 AM
No. All men are jerks, players, liars, cheaters, cheap **stards etc. LOL.
 LexiInMDR
Joined: 8/25/2015
Msg: 173
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History
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 9/27/2015 9:32:15 PM
Are there any gentlemen out there?
AHAHAHAHA!!! 8-D They're all staying home Friday and Saturday nights, writing their screenplays.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 174
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 9/28/2015 10:18:40 AM

Are there any gentlemen out there?
AHAHAHAHA!!! 8-D They're all staying home Friday and Saturday nights, writing their screenplays.

They could be right next to you or in a quiet corner of the bar or restaurant, reading a book or taking notes for their screenplay - but a 'loner' by themselves must be 'creepy', because that's what serial killers do, right? Better go talk to the group of drunk guys that are shoving around the waitress - there's safety in numbers.

The ones that were kidnapped by aliens were just misunderstood. They were told they were needed to study the intelligent human organism - they thought they said orgasm.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 175
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 9/28/2015 10:27:45 AM
"They're all staying home Friday and Saturday nights, writing their screenplay"

Funny.
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