Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Are there any gentlemen out there?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 176
view profile
History
Are there any gentlemen out there?Page 8 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
I'm actually writing a screenplay for my masters program, one of the things I'm putting in my portfolio.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 177
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 9/28/2015 11:16:10 AM
Actually yes, there is.

I have met many. I am related to numerous. I work with, quite a few.
I spend my weekends with 3 men in my bed. A "bad boy biker"-"a nice guy"and "a gentleman".
(I am positive no one has ever called my BF a "wuss". In the military for 27 years. Nope, not a wuss.)

I find the labels, such as "Bad boy"or "Nice guy" assigned to men, to be just that, labels.
I find it ridiculous and rather silly, actually.
Since when, was it wrong to be a soldier/"bad boy" with a gun? ( To protect and serve)
A loving father-grandfather-BF, /"nice guy" with manners? ( Nothing wrong with nice)
Or a "gentleman" by all of the descriptions provided by drinkthesunwithmyface? ( Thank you, BTW, LOL)

There are many gentlemen here and out in the real world.
I am lucky to know them.

It is in the hands of the seeker to find a/her gentleman.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 178
view profile
History
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 9/28/2015 11:33:42 AM
I always maintained that people are too complex to be put into simple categories unless they're outright evil. No one is really a "nice guy" or "bad boy" at least how we apply such terms to people.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 179
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 9/28/2015 8:45:01 PM

Are there any gentlemen out there?


Yes.
But it's not like they get a big reward for being such.
Being a gentleman is pretty much its own reward.
For example, I have never had a woman approach me after seeing me hold a door open for someone, and say, "You're such a gentleman, would you like to come over to my place for dinner?"
I just make gentlemanly gestures, and will continue to do so, because it's the proper thing to do.
 phinatic14
Joined: 5/10/2013
Msg: 180
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/3/2015 9:08:36 AM
Yes, there are gentlemen out there. Quite a bit too. The problem is these gentlemen get labeled as "nice guys". A lot of people, women especially, think being respectful, polite, not going up to every girl in a crowded bar making small-talk, with the intention of getting laid or finding a date for the night is weak(not assertive/lacks confidence), and generally being a nice person equates kindness for weakness, and that said gentlemen is "clingy".

I'm not bitter one bit, or any carp like that. I'm just fed up with the bit**ing and complaining. Beyond that, I'm amused. I find it very funny women are always complaining about guys: "he's so nice, but he doesn't excite me", but do nothing to change their behavior. In my case, I'm kind of quiet and maybe a little shy until I get comfortable in a situation with a person. I'm not much of a drinker. I think beer tastes like acid. I would rather spend my friday/saturday night in the gym or doing something else, then in some crowded bar, with music so loud I can't hear myself think, 80% of the time, etc. In contrast, I can be loud, brash, and outspoken when comfortable. I've got a big mouth I love to use if I need to. I love causing problems for people who cause problems. I do like cranberry-vodka, but pretty much end the drinking at one or two, etc. I don't go up to every girl in a bar I happen to go to, looking to get laid. If I'm ever in a relationship, I'd rather take my time and get to know someone. If that means I let the third date pass without having sex/I wait until the 9th, 10th, or beyond, that's just the way it is. Also, I'm a second-degree black belt; so this weak nice guy can protect you/wipe the floor with your stalker ex-boyfriend. Every "nice guy" has such qualities, but they are never discovered.



Yes, there are plenty of creeps out there. Those guys that have sex on their mind within the first few minutes of meeting someone, and who can't hold back if their life depended on it. There is no question of that. There are also plenty of gentlemen out there, who will treat you right. The issue is being a gentlemen has been falsely labeled as "nice guy", and/or "nice guy" has been equated with many negative labels that are wrong. I think the problem might be that the real gentlemen are afraid to be themselves, for fear of being labeled, and shot down for those reasons. They'd never have a chance with the hot chick, because they have been taught being themselves will get them nowhere. Who's responsible for this? Is it women, the media, etc?
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 5/6/2015
Msg: 181
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/3/2015 9:23:27 AM
If I hear one more thing about this "nice guy" sh*t, I'm going to come unglued. Sure, women prefer somebody who will slap them them around, etc - do you even know how incredibly assh*lish it is to imply that? All these guys who complain that women don't like them because they're sooo nice maybe need to reassess their level of "niceness".
 phinatic14
Joined: 5/10/2013
Msg: 182
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/3/2015 9:32:38 AM
Did I imply that? No, I didn't. You obviously read it wrong. Secondly, it has nothing to do with "nice guys". Being a gentleman in today;s dating world, is a bad thing. Sure, that's only my opinion, but you'd be shocked to find out many others think that's true too. As far as the preferring a guy who knocks them around, I could get into the research. You'd just get confused though
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 5/6/2015
Msg: 183
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/3/2015 9:36:26 AM
^ Maybe if you use really really little words...
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 184
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/3/2015 9:44:28 AM

I hear that alien sex is better anyway. An orgasm can last for weeks at a time.

Scary (but funny) thought to anyone who's heard the commercials for the little blue pills and caution of erections lasting mere hours.

Or is weeks in space time, only minutes in earth time? In which case, as you were, carry on.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 185
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/3/2015 9:51:21 AM

..........I find it very funny women are always complaining about guys: "he's so nice, but he doesn't excite me", but do nothing to change their behavior.

phinatic14, To begin, let me say, I am NOT picking on you personally. I quote you here, simply because it is here, right in front of me.
The opinion/sentiment given by yourself and many many more men AND women, with regards to the "nice guy" label is stereotyping. It has become a blanket statement. It IS in my opinion, hog wash.

(Hold on baby, I feel your pain here, but please don't come "unglued', LOL)


There are also plenty of gentlemen out there, who will treat you right. The issue is being a gentlemen has been falsely labeled as "nice guy", and/or "nice guy" has been equated with many negative labels that are wrong.

Who's responsible for this? Is it women, the media, etc?


I wrote a few posts back, "There are many gentlemen here and out in the real world.
I am lucky to know them."

NOT ALL women are complaining, not ALL women are ALWAYS complaining.
If one gets this idea from the women they meet/associate with/talk to, then PERHAPS one is keeping the wrong company. If one chooses to listen to the media, and it sets your teeth on edge, ignore it. Turn it off. Ignore BS!

BE the nice/gentleman/ person, the right lady is looking for. We DO exist!
The men in my life are NICE GENTLEMEN. Us women folk wouldn't have it any other way!
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 186
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/3/2015 9:55:18 AM
Well... I was in the bar bathroom not too long ago, and two young girls were talking "He's cute! But he's too nice!" I was disgusted, to be honest, and wanted to tell them that it's b***s like you that ruin it for the rest of us.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 187
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/3/2015 9:58:41 AM
there are ladies who won't like to get slapped around...but sure would like a guy to be aggressive enough to do the work of the mating dance for them. unfortunately, they may find out too late that a particular guy who is that aggressive, also hits.

some hotties don't want to have to help a guy get up the nerve. and they don't have to--there's enough other guys out there making them feel sexy, by already having the nerve to act on what they feel around her. its not up to these women to make the guy exciting. there's enough loud guys in the bars who already are exciting. or at least can BS about their boats and Harleys and supposed exciting lifestyles (hint, why are they in a bar then?). But then, if one hunts the bar bimbo with the stalker ex bf, then one needs the kind of bait that particular woman responds to. or one needs to hunt elsewhere.

ladies find gentlemen, b/c they tend to both gravitate towards the same areas and pursuits. then it boils down to something simple--are you good looking enough, or are you just a friend?
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 188
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/3/2015 10:04:06 AM

..............wanted to tell them that it's b***s like you that ruin it for the rest of us.


LMAO I HAVE told a few witches, what I thought of their narrow minded opinions. Too funny, they backed down.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 189
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/3/2015 5:17:33 PM
Really? A couple of probably buzzing, if not completely drunk, young girls giggling with each other in a bar bathroom about a “cute, but too nice,” guy deserve to be called b!tches and witches, and assume the blame for the bad dating luck of the entire female gender??

I don’t compete for dates with drunken young girls; maybe that’s part of the problem?

PS. Did you make a move for the “cute, but too nice guy”? Seems like the “b!tch’s” “narrow minded opinion” to reject the cute but nice guy would leave more cute but nice guys for you! How is that bad for you, doesn’t even make sense.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 190
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/3/2015 5:43:46 PM
I don't compete for dates with drunk young girls and I also don't get nasty with strange women on the internet for no reason.
 ClooneysMentor
Joined: 8/2/2015
Msg: 191
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/3/2015 6:16:59 PM
Watch out NJ...

Celibacy and sobriety are rotting the brains of some posters here.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 192
view profile
History
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/4/2015 2:50:35 PM
Some the recent posts are missing what is meant by "nice guy" sometimes. Sometimes what people are talking about is how assertive they are or are not in areas other than dating, if they are "go-getters", what code they do or do not observe when competing with others or just living with others.

Some people exercise a dog-eat-dog or live-and-let-die approach when interacting with others, and some people know that we can be more civil, cooperative, and considerate while still succeeding in life and getting whatever we need or want. It's the difference between the guy who went up to a woman trapped in her upside-down car after an accident, told her he was there to help, but stole her things out of her purse instead and disappeared...and the ones who'd help the woman. It's the difference between the guy who I saw once at a convenience store/gas station, when the lot was full for a moment and people were trying to cooperate with each other to drive where they need to, and this one guy took his selfish opportunity to jump-the-line and bully his car into position at the fuel pump...and the ones who were trying to do otherwise.

Edward O. Wilson, speaking of sociobiology, said that while sometimes it's the most selfish individual who "wins" out of individuals, it's the group with the most altruistic members which "wins" over groups of more selfish members. And this would be an example of how Evolution is mischaracterized as just being about survival-of-the-fittest, when it's in fact about much more than that, and how the fallacy of Social-Darwinism is used to justify how some people want to structure our society.

Altruistic, civil, "gentlemanly" people are most definitely not synonymous with being "beta", wimpy, or losers. In fact such people are often very strong and successful, but they just choose to be considerate and ethical. But in some people's minds the hokey, inconsistent, and arbitrary/ambiguous use of the terms "nice guy" and "bad boy" implies such crap. The complaint which many men have is just how some women are attracted to what they call a bad-boy as defined as being non-altruistic and selfish, partly because those women see the world as "such a scary place" and they want a man who "makes them feel safe" and seems like he'd be the one who'd be successful in some respects. One of the good things about women being stronger these days is that they aren't so scared of the "big scary world" anymore and have a better picker...though some are still choosing the ones who are the real losers, despite the illusion that they are strong and a "go-getter".

The television series Walking Dead demonstrates the different psychologies of people very well, and reveals the truths of these different approaches to life if a person is able to see it.

There is a dynamic which is at play every day for everyone in different forms other than the following:

In the movie Hancock with Will Smith, there was that part with a traffic jam over a railroad crossing, and a train was coming about to hit some cars but no one could move to get out of the way. After Hancock "saved the day" in his brutish way, he told everyone that they were idiots...

Why did he say that they were all idiots? Do you know what really happened and why he told them that? It's not just because they were all there like they were...that alone doesn't say what really happened...

What happened is that at some point in time, before the traffic jam over the railroad tracks formed, everyone was moving forward in their car when they could...and people were probably mostly staying off of the tracks for obvious reasons and only moving forward when there was enough space to not be parked over the tracks. But invariably there is always one guy or gal in the group who would selfishly take an opportunity to move into a space that someone else is leaving because of waiting until they wouldn't be positioned over the tracks...and that someone else feels the pressure of that person's presence - that they probably would do that if they got the chance, making the other person not ever make progress because they're waiting, others therefore "cutting" in front of them - and so that person might instead move forward unsafely. So the presence of the one idiot destroys the dynamic of the group trying to cooperate and be safe, making everyone potentially move onto the tracks in a traffic jam one after the other.

Another example: At a job I had once, they were having a big catered lunch, and we were all lined up going through a door leading to the tables which we'd move along and fill our plates. Directly ahead of me, people were forcing themselves through the door and bunching up at the beginning were you picked up your plates and plastic-ware...but it was pointless and they weren't getting anywhere - people were technically waiting their turn, but they were filing in too soon and creating a jam. At some point the lady right in front of me was so crowded that she couldn't even get her plate and stuff from literally not even having any elbow room. I took it upon myself to let the bunch ahead of me move down before I moved forward, already about to run right over this lady. It was necessary for me to momentarily leave that 2-foot of space that each person in a line takes up. So it was then that the idiot arsehole behind me moved right around me saying "well if you're not going to move up then I will", almost running right over this woman himself. And, no one in the line said anything about it and seemed to not care how we were all making it a cluster-f*ck.

So it is not enough for people to cooperate in certain ways, but it also requires for people who choose to be civil and gentlemanly to speak up and collectively "scold" those people disapprovingly who pull this stupid sh!t hundred of times a day in all areas of life...but they/we don't. The apathy, indifference, and non-unity of otherwise civil/altruistic/gentlemanly people is what allows and encourages other people to always do this stuff and destroy this small vital component of how we live and interact.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 193
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/4/2015 3:16:37 PM

I don't compete for dates with drunk young girls and I also don't get nasty with strange women on the internet for no reason.


What is “nasty” about my post, NJgirl116?

I thought it was pretty nasty of you to call young girls minding their own business “b!tches,” and declare they are ruining your dating life. That’s a damn good reason for me to comment. This is a public forum, not your inbox. Other people can and will comment on what you post.


Watch out NJ...

Celibacy and sobriety are rotting the brains of some posters here.


You just can’t help passive-aggressively trolling my posts, can you.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 194
view profile
History
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/4/2015 7:58:06 PM
No, there aren't gentlemen like that any more, not as it relates to women. It is because their code--the walking on the street side, opening doors, standing when a lady enters or leaves a room, "ladies first"--vanished along with the culture in which it made sense.

Those same gentlemen viewed women as having less status in society--and indeed they did. They viewed their wives as subservient, and the deference that they showed them with their "gentlemanly" ways was a way of honoring their favor and devotion.

Men can no longer have relationships like this with women in the Western world. Entering the '70s, a man who openly held these views might be called a "chauvinist". Today, he would be a pariah.

And so it makes no sense to treat a woman in a way that she frankly does not earn. It exists only in fantasy novels and women-produced films starring Richard Gere, and yes "beta" chumps that disrepsect themselves by anachronistically attempting to win a woman's favor by picking up the tab.

So, when women ask, "Aren't there any gentleman out there?", it's akin to a man asking, "Aren't there any subservient women out there?"
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 195
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/4/2015 8:00:21 PM
*It exists only in fantasy novels*


Actually no. I know plenty of gentlemen. In fact, I know a lot more gentlemen than non-gentlemen. They treat women well because they treat everybody well.

Also it's very rare to see a man NOT open doors for a woman... Do we live in the same universe?
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 196
view profile
History
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/4/2015 8:04:13 PM
They're not "gentlemen" proper, the way I described, unless they're over 50.

A man who treats people "well" isn't necessarily a gentleman, "well" being a relative term.

I wouldn't open a door for a woman in any kind of deliberate way or as a gesture, though I treat people well. It's because I'm not a "gentleman".
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 197
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/4/2015 8:08:46 PM

You are mistaken, "nice guys" and gentlemen are 2 completely different things. Most men don't seem to get that and the majority of women can tell the difference between the 2. The "nice guy" is the passive-aggressive one who is doing the "nice" things because he thinks it will get him something. The gentlemen's behaviour is more natural, he does the things he does because that is simply the way he acts.

The guy who walks always without thinking moves so that he walking on the outside, the man who offers his coat because you are cold, the man who stands up when his date walks up to the table. Now sometimes the nice guy does these things too, but it is not a natural and we can spot the fakeness of it a mile away.

It is far more than that and difficult to explain but the mindset of a gentleman is different, even the shy ones move differently, act and think differently than the nice guy. For the gentlemen is more about who he is than what he can get.

I like how you define "gentlemen" and I agree.

I just can't get used to "nice guy" being a negative term. Maybe because English is not my first language, or perhaps the language is changing... in my eyes it's always been a compliment.
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 198
view profile
History
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/4/2015 9:02:02 PM

I just can't get used to "nice guy" being a negative term. Maybe because English is not my first language, or perhaps the language is changing... in my eyes it's always been a compliment.


I'll be 62 soon & as long as I can remember, 'Nice Guy', has never been a compliment....

Just like Fine doesn't mean that, or if You ask her what's wrong, & she says Nothing...
You say you're gonna do something & She says, Go Ahead.....
Fine, nothing, go ahead, that's OK, & whatever..... They don't mean what they appear to mean...
 474bluemoon
Joined: 9/24/2015
Msg: 199
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/4/2015 9:10:26 PM
In my world "nice guy" has always meant...he's a nice guy. Nothing negative. It's been a long time since I met an azzhole, I only seem to know nice guys..or gentlemen. And there are far, far more nice guy/gentlemen out there than not.

As for asking a woman what is wrong and she says "nothing", well that can mean "nothin" or it can mean "you really piss me off and if you think I'm cooking supper for you or having sex tonight you can forget it azzhole because you're just lucky I don't shove this steak knife in your eye and no I can't remember why I'm pissed but man am I pissed". It can go either way, lol.
 ClooneysMentor
Joined: 8/2/2015
Msg: 200
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/4/2015 9:11:26 PM
Yes, dear... works wonders...
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Are there any gentlemen out there?