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 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 201
Are there any gentlemen out there?Page 9 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

I'll be 62 soon & as long as I can remember, 'Nice Guy', has never been a compliment....


Whenever a woman says "Oh, he's such a nice guy..." It really, really is not a complement. It has that silent word that they never finish that goes "But...."
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 202
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/5/2015 8:33:55 AM
COPIED from the Urban dictionary: (This is NOT my story. However I am truly lucky to have "nice guy(s)" in my life)

Nice guy:

The best kind of guy to date
I dated a nice guy, and it was the best desicision of my life. I'm a woman, and a rather attractive one at that. I used to be the stereotypical cheerleader, you know, with the long blonde hair and more pep than state in space. Anyways, I used to date all the jocks at high school. They were the big manly men, and yes, I had sex with a lot of them. When I was 18, I began strangely feeling slightly disatisfied with my QB BF's. They were the best guys around as my girlfriends would say to me. I had only one male friend who wasn't an athlete I dated or had sex with. I felt like I could tell anything to him. No matter how bad my problems were, he could take them and return a solution to me. Even when grandma died in a car crash, he was there for me. Come to think of it, he really loved me. I feel kinda bad that I didn't realize it at the time. But it doesn't matter now that I'm married to him. He's the kindest, most logical, most loving, best man I could ask for. He said himself that when western civilization comes crashing down, he's going to be holding two things: A gun to protect me in one hand and me in the other. Ladies, if you're reading this, please, for ****'s sakes, actually give nice guy's a fair fighting chance. They won't betray or hurt you. They'll be there for you. They're the most wonderful men ever and I've happy to be married to one.
by Katy132 August 27, 2009

THIS ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ IS the " NICE guy", I speak of. I write of.
Not the other garbage.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 8/14/2015
Msg: 203
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/5/2015 8:44:51 AM
I honestly don't get all the nice guy business.
People are either nice or they're not.

A lot of the guys claiming to be over looked nice guys on these
threads are mostly just whining because they didn't get who they
wanted or who they think they deserved...so it must be because
they're "too nice". If someone is overlooking you because "you're
too nice" f*ck em...they aren't nice...and you don't need them...
hahahaha!


And women do it too...
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 204
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History
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/5/2015 9:06:24 AM
"Nice guy" can be a negative or a positive depending on who's asked, in the dating world it can be a negative in the "real" world because let's face it, the two worlds are not the same it's a positive. An nice guy can't be an ***hole or manipulative because they're not nice.

In the dating world it's usually "he's nice but......" that's why there's a negative perception of being nice. Even as a kid there was this idea that girls like to be treated like crap and if the opposite sex treats you like garbage that means they like you. If people stop teaching their kids stupid shit, the negative perception eventually goes away but no one bothers to correct it, so it's an never ending cycle of stupid, overly dramatic behavior all in the name of "love" and people being confused because they're not arguing 24/7 with the people they're dating like they use to. Normally "too nice" is code word for "less attractive" just like "no chemistry" "no connection" it's just really "I'm not attracted to you and I don't want to seem shallow. So I'm just going to say no chemistry"
 474bluemoon
Joined: 9/24/2015
Msg: 205
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/5/2015 9:07:24 AM
I think guys that say they don't get selected by the gal they want because they are a "nice guy" is bullshyt. You may well be the nicest guy on the world BUT if she doesn't feel sexually attracted to you or there is no "spark" for her or she doesn't want to rattle your bones....it's not because you're a "nice guy" , its because of attraction.

And its not like this doesn't happen to females as well. We get friend zoned or "you're just like a sister to me" or "you're my best friend that's a gal". We become the "nice girl".
 Olivoil
Joined: 5/3/2015
Msg: 206
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/5/2015 6:58:14 PM
I'm always cautious of men who tell you they are 'nice guys'. It's been a red flag for me in my dating life.
It's like someone saying "trust me", it should be a given that you can trust someone.

I have had self proclaimed 'nice guys' turn into the most controlling, punitive, petty people on a dime. Usually on one of the first dates.

I'll decide if you're nice, or not.
 MillaKitten92
Joined: 9/23/2015
Msg: 207
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/5/2015 8:50:06 PM
'Nice guy' does not genuinely mean they are nice it means they are pseudo nice guys. Pretty much *all the bad things* pretending to be good. So usually entitled and narcissistic as well. Since they are 'proud' and narcissistic enough to go as far to label themselves as 'nice guys'. There is a big difference between the "pseudo" nice guys and actually "genuinely" nice guys.

On another note I will say, sometimes men can be soo nice it's actually a bit weird and makes you kind of paranoid that they are either not being genuine or something weird is going on. So yeah being too nice can be a turn off and/or make you not as interested in someone.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 208
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/5/2015 9:06:31 PM

On another note I will say, sometimes men can be soo nice it's actually a bit weird and makes you kind of paranoid that they are either not being genuine or something weird is going on. So yeah being too nice can be a turn off and/or make you not as interested in someone.


Can you elaborate and explain exactly where that fine line is, so that we don't cross it and be "too nice"?
Since some of us certainly don't want women to become "paranoid" as to why we are being so nice.
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 209
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/5/2015 9:12:00 PM

I think guys that say they don't get selected by the gal they want because they are a "nice guy" is bullshyt. You may well be the nicest guy on the world BUT if she doesn't feel sexually attracted to you or there is no "spark" for her or she doesn't want to rattle your bones....it's not because you're a "nice guy" , its because of attraction.
Yes I don't get this either.. It's seems that some people think that if you are nice to someone it automatically entitles you to a relationship/dates with them and the person concerned doesn't actually have any say in the matter.. These people automatically blame their 'niceness' for not getting the person they want and somehow don't 'get' that there are many many more things involved in attraction than how nice you are to someone... I know lots of nice guys but just because they are nice/gentlemanly doesn't mean they automatically get my motor running or that I am obligated to give them a chance to have a (romantic) relationship with me..

But for me a guy HAS to be a nice guy for me to be even remotely interested in him.. And I am in a relationship with a gentleman who is also a nice guy.. He is polite, respectful, charming, social, funny, well mannered, romantic, opens doors for me, treats random strangers with respect, works hard etc.... Everything one would expect from a nice guy... But the difference is that he 'rocks my socks'as well!!!

AND I found him here!
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 210
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/6/2015 8:27:47 AM

I just can't get used to "nice guy" being a negative term. ... in my eyes it's always been a compliment.



In my world "nice guy" has always meant...he's a nice guy. Nothing negative. It's been a long time since I met an azzhole, I only seem to know nice guys..or gentlemen. And there are far, far more nice guy/gentlemen out there than not.



*It exists only in fantasy novels*

Actually no. I know plenty of gentlemen. In fact, I know a lot more gentlemen than non-gentlemen. They treat women well because they treat everybody well.

Also it's very rare to see a man NOT open doors for a woman...




And I am in a relationship with a gentleman who is also a nice guy.. He is polite, respectful, charming, social, funny, well mannered, romantic, opens doors for me, treats random strangers with respect, works hard etc....



In the dating world it's usually "he's nice but......" that's why there's a negative perception of being nice. Even as a kid there was this idea that girls like to be treated like crap and if the opposite sex treats you like garbage that means they like you. If people stop teaching their kids stupid shit, the negative perception eventually goes away but no one bothers to correct it, so it's an never ending cycle of stupid, overly dramatic behavior all in the name of "love" ...........




There are also plenty of gentlemen out there, who will treat you right. The issue is being a gentlemen has been falsely labeled as "nice guy", and/or "nice guy" has been equated with many negative labels that are wrong.



Who's responsible for this? Is it women, the media, etc?



If one gets this idea from the women they meet/associate with/talk to, then PERHAPS one is keeping the wrong company. If one chooses to listen to the media, and it sets your teeth on edge, ignore it. Turn it off. Ignore BS!

BE the nice/gentleman/ person, the right lady is looking for. We DO exist!
The men in my life are NICE GENTLEMEN. Us women folk wouldn't have it any other way!



.............but no one bothers to correct it, so it's an never ending cycle of stupid, overly dramatic behavior all in the name of "love" ............


I beg to differ! I'm trying one more time "to correct it". With the help of a few men and ladies here in this thread, we have shown there to be a different belief of what/WHO, a "Nice guy"and/or a "Gentleman", really is.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 211
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/6/2015 8:33:25 AM
then again....when we label someone "nice", who/what is the "measuring stick" we are using to judge the person by? "Nice" might be a relative term. Someone who isn't nice, might think that nice guys finish last, sucker, and so its not a good label. someone else who is truly nice, might use the term sparingly b/c they only see a few people in the world as saintly as they are.

i'll agree with Dare To's point: being nice isn't a coupon to trade in for a good lay. if a woman wants a fellow who's edgy, a little aggressive, a little emotional, then a sweet guy might not be a big turn-on. Unless he looks really, really good in his Mr. Rodger's sweater.
 474bluemoon
Joined: 9/24/2015
Msg: 212
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/6/2015 8:38:29 AM
Out there in the real world, not dating, just real life...I will describe a man I know as a nice guy. I will say, "you'd like Bob, he's a real nice guy". I rarely use the word "gentleman"; I have used it but its rare. Its not a word in my day to day vocabulary.

And yes, I know the general difference in both terms.

And yes, there are nice guys AND gentleman out there.

How do we differentiate this with women? Is she a "nice woman" or is she a "real lady"????
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 213
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/6/2015 9:44:54 AM
Like I've said, my Mother would use the word nice.. meant there was a whole lot of stuff wrong with them but " nice eyes"
I agree we have different meanings it seems, but I prefer calling someone kind instead of Nice
 CarefreeBeauty
Joined: 5/30/2014
Msg: 214
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/6/2015 2:24:07 PM

Like I've said, my Mother would use the word nice.. meant there was a whole lot of stuff wrong with them but " nice eyes"
I agree we have different meanings it seems, but I prefer calling someone kind instead of Nice


+1

Kindness is a virtue.

'Niceness' is relative.

I'll take kindness over niceness, any day~
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 215
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History
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/6/2015 2:32:25 PM
The thing is being a gentleman doesn't necessarily mean they're "nice guys" either, a guy can be polite and be a gentleman and still be an ***hole. We can call them sociopaths but I won't even go that extreme with it, not all of us are the same 24/7 and while our moral codes and ethics may be consistent, our emotions aren't always consistent because we're human but only in the dating world are we expected to act the same and act a certain way 24/7 for a period of time until deemed otherwise.

So a gentleman isn't always nice and good, an nice guy isn't a pushover and can be assertive and "Edgy" a "bad boy" isn't necessarily a bad guy or even a badass. I find the labeling of such things useless, a one size fits all category that doesn't make much sense. My best friend is one of the nicest, geekiest guys you'll ever meet, he's had some girlfriends but not necessarily experienced and he started truly dating later in life. Looking at him, he can be intimidating, he's tatted up, he's 6'4", black, athletic build, personality wise. A girl could say he's "Too nice" but he's also a guy who served in the Marines for 4 years, served in Afghanistan, was stationed in Japan, studied filmmaking, lives in Vegas, helps promote night clubs, has a degree in business, if you cross him, he'll probably kick your ass since he' s studied martial arts and has his Marine background. He's live an interesting life. You can't necessarily peg him with one thing and then claim he encompasses every perceived negative trait of one thing.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 216
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/6/2015 3:52:48 PM
got this on my FB today:

http://www.thecollegefix.com/post/24488/

It made me consider, a skinny dude like Humphrey Bogart used to be thought as a tough guy. A man's man. He didn't have Dwayne the Rock's Johnson's muscles, maybe b/c back then there was no need for the 5 second soundbite of "muscled man scowls--he must be a tough guy". Today's tough guy is like the lion who walks in, and roars to let everyone know he's on the scene.

but in the old days, Bogie or John Wayne could come into a scene, smart, quiet, confident...and you knew He Was The Man. You had to think for yourself, it wasn't his armor of muscles or his black leather jacket, you had to read his calm demeanor and figure out what it really meant. The bullies who didn't, got to find out right quick--this wasn't the guy who would start the fight, but he sure would finish one.

If a skinny, cool character like Bogie slid into our scene, would we today recognize him as the one to watch? has our idea of "what makes a hero?" changed to "he better have muscles, or a near-psychotic flick-the-switch temper"? If it has changed, perhaps we don't recognize the nice guy or the gentleman b/c we've changed that, too, into something we have to recognize in 5 seconds or it just doesn't exist?
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 217
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History
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/6/2015 4:07:36 PM

If a skinny, cool character like Bogie slid into our scene, would we today recognize him as the one to watch?


Those of Us who are observant, will still notice them. I'm not a Loud Mouth or a Bully, but a Woman Friend of Mine says, other people notice me, when I walk into a Room. The way I carry myself, my demeanor, that I'm always scanning my surroundings. That I put off a Vibe of Quiet Confidence, that says, don't Mess with Me....
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 218
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Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/6/2015 5:05:36 PM
I agree the nice guy who is just the door mat and too eager to please is not attractive sexually to a woman. She may use and exploit him and on his head be it. If he is being amenable just in order to get what he wants a woman soon senses that. It is a form of manipulation. A genuine nice guy treats everyone in that manner.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 219
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/6/2015 6:44:24 PM
I generally use the term 'good man' or 'white hat'.

He's a good man, one of the white hats, an everyday hero.

I've never really liked the term 'nice' (for anything). It originally meant silly and even now it's a rather bland word.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 220
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Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/6/2015 6:56:50 PM
I was a "nice guy" for many years. It was all a ruse to get slicked, and it worked like a charm.

There is no alternative to getting to know someone for real, hanging out with them in the real world for a while before you form judgement, their real values and personality will show before long. If they're "nice" without also being strong and wise, then they're probably a sap; if they're nice in some circumstances but not in others, they're likely a charlatan; and if they're nice but also seem to have their shyte together, and seems genuinely happy, you may have something.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 221
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/7/2015 8:55:34 AM

I've never really liked the term 'nice' (for anything). It originally meant silly and even now it's a rather bland word.


LMAO I have never ever heard anyone use the word "NICE" in a sentence to mean "silly".
Dictionary
nice
adjective \ˈnīs\
: giving pleasure or joy : good and enjoyable

: attractive or of good quality

: kind, polite, and friendly

There it is folks from,
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/nice

I guess I'm "old school". Growing up, in high school, early 70's, nice was nice. If you saw an attractive /hot car, now known as a "muscle car", you and your friends would almost whisper, "N i i i i c c e". You said this in awe, somewhat envious. LOL When I see a "muscle car" now, from the 60's or the 70's, or a really hot bike, I still almost whisper,
"n i i i i ce".

The part of the country where I live, my family, friends, co-workers, use the word "nice" all the time and it is not mistaken to be a bad thing.
"Hey, Jane brought homemade cookies in today. " "Well, that was nice of her".
Yep, it is just that simple.
 Kodanshi
Joined: 9/19/2015
Msg: 222
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History
Re: 'Nice';
Posted: 10/7/2015 10:53:04 AM
It did, actually. Certainly in the Elizabethan age it meant 'silly' or its equivalent. It crops up in Shakespeare plays and means a variety of things, including fastidious, fussy, trivial, foolish, and stupid.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 223
Re: 'Nice';
Posted: 10/7/2015 11:06:19 AM

.......Elizabethan age it meant 'silly' or its equivalent.

Thank you Kodanshi. I learned something new today. I'm not all that familiar with the "Elizabethan age" or Shakespeare so I had no idea the word "nice" had so many different interpretations.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 8/14/2015
Msg: 224
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 10/7/2015 11:30:51 AM

That I put off a Vibe of Quiet Confidence, that says, don't Mess with Me....


Not sure they'd call it a vibe of quiet confidence (or maybe they do) but people who know
me definitely say I have a don't mess with me air...in fact many have suggested I have
it tattooed on my forehead...hahahaha!

Bogie is one of my all time favorite boyfriends.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 225
Re: 'Nice';
Posted: 10/7/2015 1:40:36 PM

It did, actually. Certainly in the Elizabethan age it meant 'silly' or its equivalent. It crops up in Shakespeare plays and means a variety of things, including fastidious, fussy, trivial, foolish, and stupid.


Great point Kodanshi. It's interesting because today in general a nice guy in a way is seen as a "pleasant" "compliant" "well-mannered" "jovial" guy. But when a woman calls YOU a nice guy it's the kiss of death and it's more in tune with it's original meaning.
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