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 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 75
Worst Valentine's Day everPage 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
This is absolutely a very entertaining dating thread. Very funny stuff...well, in hindsight...anyway. :-)
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 76
Worst Valentine's Day ever
Posted: 2/18/2014 11:28:36 AM

You could say him rambling on in the phone convo was a legit turn-off, sure

Yes, most phone calls are. That's why I like to set everything up through POF and only exchange numbers for the purpose of communicating lateness or change of plans. If they insist on talking to me on the phone, to finalize plans, I'm already iffy about meeting them. You can't make an educated guess based on whatever we've already spoken, that you would like to see me in person? I'm not a phone person, it's not that I can't speak, I've kinda developed an allergic reaction to having a phone near my ear, lmao. Like, that's the dumbest thing ever, a phone near my ear. The one place where I do that, is at work because it's a landline, but a cell phone?, I associate a phone in my ear with an emergency, like talking someone down from committing suicide, calling for emergency services, communicating something in a hurry and hanging up, etc. ugh, I can't even think of it, lol.

Oh, come on. You were. Being upset at the situation and Not the other person would mean the person, objectively speaking, was doing things just fine but there were totally understandable misunderstandings.

Actually no, to be upset with someone is to believe that I am right and they are wrong, instead of understanding there are differences in our approaches. What you say makes sense "things just fine there were totally understandable misunderstandings", same as "we're not compatible", it doesn't mean that either is wrong or right, it just didn't work out.

You could say the same thing to guys who think hitting a gal is doing nothing wrong if she deserves it. Who are you to argue with what he thinks is right? :) I'm not talking about arguing with him about what's right -- I'm saying, yes, you were upset at him (and I'm sure the situation in general too, and maybe kicking yourself as well - who knows). And you had the right to be upset at him.

whoa, let me give it another spin....if they mutually decide this is the way to conduct themselves (him hitting her and her accepting it), yes, who are you to argue about it being wrong? Now, if either has a problem with the situation, then it is not mutually agreeable that this goes on. You know, not everyone calls the police in o action, not due to fear, but due to acceptable cultural traditions which dictate this is ok for them. Domestic violence is a lot more complicated than this, so in relationship with the topic at hand, it's a bit off....to say the least.

I'm not kicking myself......ok maybe a little bit, lol. I don't have the right to be upset about something I brought onto myself by trying to be different from who I really am, and allowing sh*t to slide just because "it's not real till you meet", so let's bypass all the BS because our face to face interaction will be the only thing that will mattered. It made no sense to change the recipe, I was doing fine before taking some of the ingredients out, but there is always some nagging, what if I were not so rigid? lmao, major fail!

No, most people would be upset in relation to them -- not happenstance (a situation in and of itself). :) And you were, and you should have been.

Let's cut the guy some slack, just because I'm a "cold hearted b*tch", doesn't mean he is the only one to blame or the one that's wrong. Maybe if he hadn't lied about his height, wasn't as aggressive with the flowers and the whole ensemble, kept it local, I may have been inclined to throw myself at him and welcome the hand holding, hug, and even a kiss, lol.

Kissing on a 1st date in the evening, in which the guy picks the girl up -- that's not classified as "inappropriate touching", is my point,

How would you even know she likes you, enough to allow you a kiss? Wouldn't it be something to discuss prior to it happening? Not like a serious discussion, but something along the lines of "I'd like to see you again" and then you notice her body language and if seems eager answer "yes" or just brushing you off. If she seems enthusiastic about seeing you again, then yeah, maybe a kiss may seal the deal?

If the date was bombed out -- and his fault, he could have said "You know what, I'm a man, I'm probably not the best at the dos and donts of dating, and even if we don't see each other again, I want to pay this bill as I could have handled myself better." Of course you drop your offer like a rock then! :) But as you said to him -- you wouldn't have minded if he asked to split the bill. Which means it wouldn't have been even a bit worse of an experience if he asked to split it.

Let's not get all happy go lucky on that one. In my opinion, he should have paid for a multitude of reasons (being late, insisted on taking me out, was not concerned about me single handedly climbing a heap of snow to get into his car, he lied to me about his height, insisted of going to where he wanted to eat instead of keeping it local due to the time, tried to kiss me and ended up hugging me instead prior to even the date occurring, was only concerned about his discomfort and not willing to talk about it, etc).

I wouldn't have had a problem paying for my share if he had asked to split the bill, I wouldn't bicker about it. BUT if that were the case, I also would have liked to be informed beforehand, so I can just leave (venue and time permitting). At the point in which you are implying that I will pay for something I didn't choose, the decorum has been broken. That whole splitting bill crap needs to be spoken about prior to ordering, prior to the date if possible, lol. I didn't choose the place and burgers and fries are not what I consider dinner. We're talking about a $15 bill, like really? So if we're splitting the bill, let me know before it actually takes place, so I can choose a place of my liking, in which I can order up a storm and not mind paying for it.

Since he (not the situation itself really) was off, extremely late, and didn't handle himself well at all -- there's nothing wrong at all with him paying the whole thing. But, the offer to split it -- especially if you don't care one way or the other -- to show that you aren't interested in continuing things with him, would give you the opening to draw that line in the sand... plus, him insisting and paying the whole thing? No room for him to b!tch that you 'used' him for a VDate.

See, that would never be me. If I'm even thinking of splitting the bill upon meeting someone, it's a done deal, it's time to make a u-turn and go do something else with someone else. I don't have an issue going anywhere by myself, but paying for my meal plus enduring a stranger's company (when you don't really want to), that's just nuts.

Soup,

It was a f*cking joke, lmao, I got what you were saying, relax. See that's the issue with humor, it cannot be conveyed just as easily over text. You said you are not a moron, and I was thanking you for not being one, lol, plus another jokey joke, I guess I was unsuccessful, drats!

What can I say, it's opposite for me (Europe vs. U.S).

I agree that pals split bills (I usually cover my pals), but I wouldn't pay for a date unless I'm the one asking a man out on a date. I mean, if I'm asking, I'm paying, it's really that simple and it applies to friends or dates. If I'm asking for your company, I'm essentially paying for all that it entails.

Wouldn't we all like to have that ability? lol. Smack her @ss? wouldn't it be funny if you encounter some gel cushion instead, oh that'd be a classic, lmao.

Diezel,

What do you want me to say, sometimes I'm not that bright, lol.

Browneyesboo,

I do not counsel people on dating, I do counsel them on boundaries (for the facility, not life in general), I work with substance abusers, their priority is not dating at the time they encounter me. Now if you're talking about the forums, I offer advice based on what I've been through and what I see others go through. Let's be clear, I allowed this to happen to me because I disregarded my own "rules" to test out if I was being too rigid in having these "rules" to begin with, and predetermining failure prior to having met the person.

On other examples I've written about, there is always a team of people (like everything in life) who say "so why not meet him and figure it out in person, and not dismiss someone prior to meeting them". So I tested the waters and this is what I got. I'm not implying that is ONE example is enough to throw the baby with the bath water, but I'm not ready to try that again anytime soon, lol.

It's obvious the standings in these forums as I've noticed your responses to other posters as opposed to some...
for example me. I think we all know if the topic had been posted by someone not as well known in the forums,
the responses would be entirely different.

I say this is a good thing, not a bad thing. That I'm relatively known (forum-wise) lends a little more perspective and probably a lot more criticism. If someone not known at all, or not as well would have posted the same, a lot more questions would have been asked (to gain insight).


I think this thread might win a record for the most usage of quotes and words.

Not so fast, I've seen other threads...lol

Motown,

You crack me up...lol

Just for my peace of mind, I'm going to assume he would have been better on any other day, and even much better, if I were not involved.

NO! goodness NO! I am re-calibrating as we speak.

Cooldog,

Reminder to myself...Never start a thread


Oh, don't get discouraged, if you have something to say and you can take criticism (and not lose it in the process), by all means, go ahead. None of us are perfect so we are bound to share our stories in one way or another, not necessarily starting a thread though, lol.

Belluv,

I agree, I think he wants to, but he's afraid of the inevitable mockery (or f*ckery) that could ensue.

Eric,

Really? lol, I think it'll be another week to fully laugh it off. I partially laughed it off at my mom's birthday party on Sunday, and today with my friend. My friend looked at me and said "there is something wrong with this one, what the f*ck were you thinking? You've turned down people for way less than what he initially wrote you!, oh well, on the next one!"
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 77
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Worst Valentine's Day ever
Posted: 2/18/2014 12:25:26 PM
Belle...simply epic badness!

I have had people confuse my picker on occasion.
Sounds like he was very persuasive is a passive way.
Either way he showed his true colors.

What I would be asking myself is HOW he snuck by your considerable sifting system and WHAT reward you got for letting him.

I belive there is a great opportunity to learn about one of your Achilles heels here.

Bad dates are fun after you are gone. They make it easier to compare how much worse some other dates are..;)
Big Hugs!
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 78
Worst Valentine's Day ever
Posted: 2/18/2014 3:30:25 PM

Sounds like he was very persuasive is a passive way.

More like annoying enough to pity him.

Either way he showed his true colors

I still wish he would expressed himself and communicate his discomfort prior to dinner, instead of being a f*cking child and not talk to me. I have never in my life, in my entire life, ever sat across someone who didn't want to talk to me. I have no problem keeping quite while my mouth is full (in any event), but what the f*ck is there to do while the food is coming, while they bring the bill, etc,? So I pulled out my phone (which I never do on dates), f*ck it!

What I would be asking myself is HOW he snuck by your considerable sifting system and WHAT reward you got for letting him.

How? He was the only person I was speaking to that day, so the only one in line to meet. If someone else would have come along, it would have jeopardized his position. I would have chosen anyone over him.

If I tell you what the reward was, you might say I'm a b*tch, but I'll tell you anyways........cause f*ck it, I'm bad like that..lol
There were SO MANY good looking people in that restaurant, even the waiters and waitresses, my GOD they were delicious looking. Yes, it caused me to despise to some regard the fact that here I am, with this short lying childish mother f*cker when I could have been out with one of these babes, lol. That place must have been like that female version of Hooters, but with women in it too, lmao. I sure as f*ck discretely checked out the people in the place while my date was being a c*nt.

I belive there is a great opportunity to learn about one of your Achilles heels here.

Yeah, to stop trying to be nice, just be a b*tch, it works better and no bad dates are had.

Bad dates are fun after you are gone. They make it easier to compare how much worse some other dates are..;)
Big Hugs!

Oh, it's f*cking hilarious now, lol. On friday? not so funny when I got home. Thanks
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 79
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History
Worst Valentine's Day ever
Posted: 2/18/2014 5:02:47 PM
I agree, I think he wants to, but he's afraid of the inevitable mockery (or f*ckery) that could ensue.


I was obviously joking.





See that's the issue with humor, it cannot be conveyed just as easily over text.


That's why I use the smiley/emoticon. My humor is a bit dry...I know.



I am not as cool as CoolDog


That's cooldog with a little "c" and a little "d"...Oops!
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 80
Worst Valentine's Day ever
Posted: 2/18/2014 5:08:14 PM

That's why I use the smiley/emoticon. My humor is a bit dry...I know.


^^^^Absolutely! Mine can be dry as well so I will always add a smiley face at the end to show my humor.
It should be requirement to add a smiley face or whatever you can to differentiate the serious from the joking to just the plain stupid....LOLOLOL kidding....see :) ;) I am not as cool as CoolDog....I am emoticonless. :( ugh!
=====
Maybe if Belle had used some emotions in her text messages to the Happy V-date dude, maybe things would be a bit better now.....just staying on topic :)
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 81
Worst Valentine's Day ever
Posted: 2/18/2014 5:34:08 PM
hey Belle, here's some unsolicited advice from a stranger (translation:do with what you will):

this whole post has gotten quite a reaction from you, which has kept it going as far as it has. If you get any spare time during the snowstorms, consider why. maybe its touched something in your identity you haven't spent time on before, maybe its just a button that hasn't been pushed on you before, who knows. but if you end up learning something in the end about yourself...then it was all worth it.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 82
Worst Valentine's Day ever
Posted: 2/18/2014 9:10:21 PM
Dude is not Hot, he is even from a race I don't date, this date is further confirmation to not even try to date outside of my race, the expectations are way different.


Judging from his text messages, he also appears to be far less educated than you. He doesn't come across as particularly bright or articulate---you two seemed to be a complete mismatch all around.

Therefore, the question I have to ask is why did you accept a date with him in the first place?
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 83
Worst Valentine's Day ever
Posted: 2/18/2014 10:09:58 PM

Gee, a string of bad VD dates, ugh



Yeah, any dates leaving a string of VD definitely can't be good...


(sorry, forgot the emoticon...( :)) warped sense of humor; that line struck me really funny though I feel for Belle T. Day sounds ugly in a whole lot of ways)
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 84
Worst Valentine's Day ever
Posted: 2/18/2014 11:22:59 PM
[Dude is not Hot, he is even from a race I don't date, this date is further confirmation to not even try to date outside of my race, the expectations are way different..]

You knew what his race and what he looked like before the date, so why make these things an issue after the fact or more importantly why accept the date with him to begin with. Unless he would've gotten a free pass on everything he did if he was "hot" and of the same race.Not really sure how a bad date with one guy has anything to do with race.
 Princess12524
Joined: 12/23/2013
Msg: 85
Worst Valentine's Day ever
Posted: 2/19/2014 5:27:19 AM
IMO, it boils down to this: some people do not want to be alone on Valentine's Day & will temporarily lower their standards to achieve this.

You got what you got cuz u did what u did, period.

If you intellectualize the whole dating process, you'd be in a LTR & have someone 365 a year & not have to think about V-day.

That includes the man pursuing the woman, inviting her out from either IRL or a pay site, springing for her coffee or meal on a 1st meet, being exclusive & waiting for sex. Face to face time, not texting, etc. Dating someone who lives close enough, who is in the same socio-economic bracket, etc.

Having a date for V-day is like the guys who used to email me back in the day ONLY cuz they wanted a date for New Year's Eve. I would say "no" to all of them...my response was: what about a relationship all year round, you want a woman for one nite, were u being a creep the other 364 days a year?

It's almost narcissistic when people have that agenda "I need a date for a wedding" OR "A date for New Year's Eve" OR "The Xmas Office Party"...like the other person is an inanimate object, an accessory, like a purse taken out for show on special occassions, rather than a partner/friend that you share life with. No consideration for that other person's feelings, they just get used like a bandaid. Screw that, you know what happens to a bandaid when the scab heals? It gets pulled off & flung into the trash & forgotten...
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 86
Worst Valentine's Day ever
Posted: 2/19/2014 8:02:52 AM
Harmony,

Maybe if Belle had used some emotions in her text messages to the Happy V-date dude, maybe things would be a bit better now.....just staying on topic :)

If my predictions were right, he would have taken that as "interest" on my part. But who knows?
gtomustang,

hey Belle, here's some unsolicited advice from a stranger (translation:do with what you will):

It's not unsolicited.

this whole post has gotten quite a reaction from you, which has kept it going as far as it has.

Wouldn't it be rude to start a thread and not respond to people's contribution? I certainly didn't write it just to read my own post over and over, lol.

If you get any spare time during the snowstorms, consider why. maybe its touched something in your identity you haven't spent time on before, maybe its just a button that hasn't been pushed on you before, who knows. but if you end up learning something in the end about yourself...then it was all worth it.

It's complex, it certainly has not been a warm environment the past weeks (Jimmy Ryce case, Griselda Blanco documentary, people being murdered in the protest going on Venezuela, etc), sometimes you want to restore your faith in humanity by taking a leap of faith. I'm once against reminded that we are not all made of the same fiber, so taking chances may be a risk not worth taken.

Halcyon_Skies

Judging from his text messages, he also appears to be far less educated than you. He doesn't come across as particularly bright or articulate---you two seemed to be a complete mismatch all around.

The problem with that statement is that it assumes the opposite...that articulate means educated or bright. People don't need to employ proper grammar and spelling to convey intelligence. I know many exceptionally intelligent people who can't spell for sh*t, like my boss, lol. The man discovered the cure for cancer, and is working on another cure for cancer, and guess who writes/edits his grants? Me, and I'm less educated and less experienced than he is, he is about 50 years older than me and couldn't give two sh*ts about his spelling.

There are countless examples of people lacking formal education and making it big (Bill gates, Thomas Edison, Li Ka Sing, Richard Branson, etc). You either got the message or the money, and most people don't have either-Immortal Technique

I'm not looking for formal education or great spelling as a match (for me), I'm much more concerned with how they treat me in person. I'm not saying it wouldn't be a good quality to possess formal education or a good income, but none of these variables can predict what I'm looking for (generosity of spirit).

This is not some sort of *f*ck off" response, but coming from you, who have made it a point to say I'm "elitist", it's a little ironic.


Therefore, the question I have to ask is why did you accept a date with him in the first place?

Sometimes you have venture off the path, and try something new. Dating (to me), does not carry the sole purpose of finding someone to be with for the rest of your life. It can also serve to discover yourself and what you like or don't like.

Why him? He happened to be the only person I spoke to that week, who proposed a date. I saw no reason to decline off the bat. There were plenty of reasons to decline on the day of, but I've already explained that. I never said I was smart, not all the time at least.

moonbeamlover,


Yeah, any dates leaving a string of VD definitely can't be good...

No, definitely not good, lol

Doria,

He could have knocked you out and taken you anywhere or just sped up and gone to a country lane and dont think it has not happened.
For all we know, anything could have happened.

I have to ask, how would you feel if your daughter one day said that she waited somewhere at around 1opm at night for a stranger from the net to pick her up and take her out, two and half hours late and on Valentines Day because she fell for some hardluck story from the guy...think about it. ...

It certainly does not sound good in plain English, and sorry, having children is not part of my life plan. I do have nieces and nephews though.

Nj2ut

You knew what his race and what he looked like before the date, so why make these things an issue after the fact or more importantly why accept the date with him to begin with. Unless he would've gotten a free pass on everything he did if he was "hot" and of the same race.Not really sure how a bad date with one guy has anything to do with race.


I never said the issue was his race, what are you getting all "sprung" about? It was a response to whether he was hot or not (to have bypassed my pre-established filtering system). Let's not concentrate on a single thing and dismiss the whole picture.

Princess12524

IMO, it boils down to this: some people do not want to be alone on Valentine's Day & will temporarily lower their standards to achieve this.

This is where you lose me Princess, when you go way out there to fish for unicorns never mentioned. How did it go from a date I had on Valentine's day, to me having desired a date or needing a date for that day? If you read the entire post or responses, you would know I offered 3 possible evenings to this gentleman.

Now, if you're talking about him needing of wanting a date for VD, I can't speak from him.

You got what you got cuz u did what u did, period.

Well duh! mom

If you intellectualize the whole dating process, you'd be in a LTR & have someone 365 a year & not have to think about V-day.

And there we go with the unicorns. Intellectualizing the whole dating process? I think you mean finding better matches for myself, lol. The problem with intellectualizing anything is that you often miss the bigger picture (meeting someone) to concentrate on the smaller picture (finding true love). Remember that we're not all looking for the same thing. I am looking to experience dating, to meet a wide range of people, to do what I did not do prior to entering my last LTR. Yes, the goal is to eventually meet someone that I want to be with for the rest of my life, but for now, how about I just experience what this is all about first? I'm only 29, there really is no rush, and one's life is not defined by who they can acquire to be with them for life.

That includes the man pursuing the woman, inviting her out from either IRL or a pay site, springing for her coffee or meal on a 1st meet, being exclusive & waiting for sex. Face to face time, not texting, etc. Dating someone who lives close enough, who is in the same socio-economic bracket, etc.

Sounds like jelly and no toast, lol. There's no formula to it, it's whatever works for those two individuals.
Having a date for V-day is like the guys who used to email me back in the day ONLY cuz they wanted a date for New Year's Eve. I would say "no" to all of them...my response was: what about a relationship all year round, you want a woman for one nite, were u being a creep the other 364 days a year?
That's their problem not yours.

It's almost narcissistic when people have that agenda "I need a date for a wedding" OR "A date for New Year's Eve" OR "The Xmas Office Party"...like the other person is an inanimate object, an accessory, like a purse taken out for show on special occassions, rather than a partner/friend that you share life with. No consideration for that other person's feelings, they just get used like a bandaid. Screw that, you know what happens to a bandaid when the scab heals? It gets pulled off & flung into the trash & forgotten...

Why are you concerned about what they do or don't do? You are not participating in it, so f*ck what everyone else is doing.

P.s. Sorry if there's a delay in replying, remember we can only post two times within 10 messages, so I have to wait until 10 additional posts in order for me to post.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 87
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Worst Valentine's Day ever
Posted: 2/19/2014 8:14:48 AM

P.s. Sorry if there's a delay in replying, remember we can only post two times within 10 messages, so I have to wait until 10 additional posts in order for me to post.


Since your posts are pretty long, you can bypass the 2 in 10 rule. I know some tricks.
 ouija2013
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 88
Worst Valentine's Day ever
Posted: 2/19/2014 8:35:43 AM
Cause I'm half cat - did you hear from him again?
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 89
Worst Valentine's Day ever
Posted: 2/19/2014 9:23:43 AM
Testing.....testing....lol, omfg, it worked, lol cooldog

Ouija,

*checking my google voice spam folder*

No, either he has not made another attempt or it just doesn't go through anymore :-)

*scraping a lemon icy*, I'm enjoying the peace! plus I'm talking to 3 people right now, let's see what happens.....

Femaleconnection,

With such a grim spin on it, I think I'm gonna really think about it, and just meet him at location. I don't think I want or need another episode of "not wanting to be there", to simply not put myself in such predicaments. I do appreciate your concern.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 90
Worst Valentine's Day ever
Posted: 2/19/2014 9:30:06 AM
Oh belle...this to me looks like what happens when we are trying to be 'nice' in spite of already knowing/dreading what is about to come. I think you were a little too worried about all of the efforts he was putting into this date to cancel it....and this is where things went wrong. Soon as you wanted to cancel and didnt, it went wrong.

Dont beat yourself up over it, everyone has been in your shoes before. In fact, most of my social fukups came from me trying to be 'nice'....and in hindsight realising it would have been far kinder (to both of us) to just stop as soon as I felt the desire to. Like taking off a band-aide...fast is usually the best way to tear it off. BUT, I only came to this conclusion after actually doing it wrong in the first place.

I am not surpised to see you posting any of this. You are a human being....well...being! You thought you were being considerate to a man who had divulged that he was putting a lot of effort into your meeting. Even the most savy forum posters will admit that at some time in thier life...they also went forward with someone in spite of red flags. I mean, isnt this how we develop red flags? We have to experience them for ourselves, not just go by what another forum poster writes.

Adding the fact that it was Vday...well, it just made this date all the more weird...

I see you posting that you would still get into a strangers car. This I take umbrage on. You are smarter than that. Getting in is rarely the issue, it is when you want to leave and cannot where the trouble begins...but I guess you have not been trapped inside the car of a man who is volotile, speeding and says you can leave anytime...as long as you jump? (because he aint stopping no matter what you say, cry, yell??) Personally, I will never allow myself to be in such a vulnerable situation ever again. All it took for me was to be shiat scared one time. If I dont get in...I dont have to worry about faking being polite just to get my azz home either in the event he turns out to be a total loon. Just saying...

Yeah, I know he picked you up away from your actual home...again, the issue I would have if you were my daughter, is the time in between. (most cars today have locks that only the driver can release), what was your plan to remove yourself from that situation if he did anything to frighten you? If he just kept on driving past the agreed upon drop off location, you locked inside...what would you have done? You reach for your cell, and he punches you hard in the face...possibly breaking your nose. What would you have done? Hope that a car passing by would notice you? Not very likely. Scream? He has a loud stereo. Just please dont do that again. Everything else that transpired can be fixed with an apology...you being seriously injured or killed, there aint no apology that could correct that.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 91
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Worst Valentine's Day ever
Posted: 2/19/2014 10:18:21 AM
I actually witnessed this once. Me and daughter's dad went to a semi local entertainment cluster and while we were getting ready to pull out of the parking lot of a restaurant/bar we noticed something going on in a car facing us a couple isles over so we watched a minute. She was in the passenger seat and reached down for something (she later told us her cell phone) and he grabbed her by the back of the head and 'slammed' her forehead into the dash. My daughter's dad jumped out of the car and when he saw him coming he pushed her out of the door onto the parking lot.

Don't ever think you are so "trained" to protect yourself. Anger, and in this case, drinking can make someone very strong. You never know how you will react being taken off guard and you certainly don't have enough room in a car to use much self defense. I never considered the safety locks being a factor. That's a very real situation you could be in.

He was angry she wanted to 'go home' after he had planned this big date. She was two hours from home, so we drove her. She said he was always a 'nice guy' but didn't know what he was like while drinking. She said she tried to contact someone to come get her earlier when she becomes uncomfortable with the different person he was becoming.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 92
Worst Valentine's Day ever
Posted: 2/19/2014 10:24:15 AM

The problem with that statement is that it assumes the opposite...that articulate means educated or bright. People don't need to employ proper grammar and spelling to convey intelligence.


In this particular case, even if this guy's grammar and spelling were perfect, he still wouldn't convey intelligence, and we both know it. C'mon, let's not split hairs here:


Him: Yea because you wanted free food. 2:07 AM
Him: That all you got from me. Honestly I'm way to attractive to even be kissing your ass.



This is not some sort of *f*ck off" response, but coming from you, who have made it a point to say I'm "elitist", it's a little ironic.


Right, and my view hasn't changed. You were fully aware that you considered him to be beneath you when you accepted the date with him---you even admitted you didn't find him "hot", i.e. attractive.

I think you accepted the date because you're confrontational by nature, and you enjoy fomenting drama. You picked up on the fact that he had a bit of an ego thing going on, and you thought it would be amusing to toy with him and take him down a peg or two. I have no sympathy for you---you got what you deserved.
 Princess12524
Joined: 12/23/2013
Msg: 93
Worst Valentine's Day ever
Posted: 2/19/2014 11:53:55 AM
tHE ORIGINAL QUESTION:
Here's the question: how do you measure expectation for a first date, when it's tied to a "holiday"?



Princess12524

IMO, it boils down to this: some people do not want to be alone on Valentine's Day & will temporarily lower their standards to achieve this.

This is where you lose me Princess, when you go way out there to fish for unicorns never mentioned. How did it go from a date I had on Valentine's day, to me having desired a date or needing a date for that day? If you read the entire post or responses, you would know I offered 3 possible evenings to this gentleman.

Now, if you're talking about him needing of wanting a date for VD, I can't speak from him.


You got what you got cuz u did what u did, period.

Well duh! mom


If you intellectualize the whole dating process, you'd be in a LTR & have someone 365 a year & not have to think about V-day.

And there we go with the unicorns. Intellectualizing the whole dating process? I think you mean finding better matches for myself, lol. The problem with intellectualizing anything is that you often miss the bigger picture (meeting someone) to concentrate on the smaller picture (finding true love). Remember that we're not all looking for the same thing. I am looking to experience dating, to meet a wide range of people, to do what I did not do prior to entering my last LTR. Yes, the goal is to eventually meet someone that I want to be with for the rest of my life, but for now, how about I just experience what this is all about first? I'm only 29, there really is no rush, and one's life is not defined by who they can acquire to be with them for life.


That includes the man pursuing the woman, inviting her out from either IRL or a pay site, springing for her coffee or meal on a 1st meet, being exclusive & waiting for sex. Face to face time, not texting, etc. Dating someone who lives close enough, who is in the same socio-economic bracket, etc.

Sounds like jelly and no toast, lol. There's no formula to it, it's whatever works for those two individuals.

Having a date for V-day is like the guys who used to email me back in the day ONLY cuz they wanted a date for New Year's Eve. I would say "no" to all of them...my response was: what about a relationship all year round, you want a woman for one nite, were u being a creep the other 364 days a year?
That's their problem not yours.


It's almost narcissistic when people have that agenda "I need a date for a wedding" OR "A date for New Year's Eve" OR "The Xmas Office Party"...like the other person is an inanimate object, an accessory, like a purse taken out for show on special occassions, rather than a partner/friend that you share life with. No consideration for that other person's feelings, they just get used like a bandaid. Screw that, you know what happens to a bandaid when the scab heals? It gets pulled off & flung into the trash & forgotten...

Why are you concerned about what they do or don't do? You are not participating in it, so f*ck what everyone else is doing.


Belle you started this thread, I attempted to answer your question(s) as well as the other posters & some of us also voiced CONCERN for your safety. Your attitude & responses tell me you don't want to even contemplate advice. Why did u even bother to post this thread? To trash the young man, put him down, & therefore elevate yourself? If not, you could have fooled me. I guess at the ripe old age of 29 you already know more than all of us put together. (including many of us old enough to be your parents)
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 94
view profile
History
Worst Valentine's Day ever
Posted: 2/19/2014 12:02:40 PM
Princess12524

I think what we are really seeing is Belle wrestling with two different agreements she has and its really rattled her cage.
In MY past readings of her posts she has been straightforward and insightful and followed a logical ruleset.
This time was exactly the opposote and very out of character for her.

Everyone HAS expressed some good stuff and concern that goes from genuine concern to overbearing criticism.
I dont think she is doing it deliberately because thats not her style...or at least not the style that I have experienced.

I sense frustration at having exposed a side of herself she may not have been aware of or simply didnt want to admit she had.
She's wrestling with it.

Let her continue the process..;)
(Its not like your or I never had to go through a similar process. right?)
 SILLYGIRL111
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 95
view profile
History
Worst Valentine's Day ever
Posted: 2/19/2014 12:36:22 PM
When he told you he just wanted to be friends he was telling you he was not into dating or being in a relationship and you should not of met him he was looking for a booty call. The gifts where to try to butter you up to fall for his charms and to get in your pants. You should not of gotten in the car with him he is a stranger and you are lucky that he did not rape you and you should thank god that you are alive. You should of left when he was 1o minutes late. you should of ignored his messages after the date. He sounds like a nut. He could of beat the crap out of you. next time meet in a public place during the day time. Tell someone where you are going. Really get to know a person before you met them they are ways you can find out about a person on line they may cost money but well worth you being safe. We live in a crazy world a world of danger.Text is the worse way to get to know someone hearing a person voice gives you a better feeling about a person. Asking a lot of questions gets you a good read about a person that is why I do not text. You should really listen to what the person is telling you and how they sound to certain questions. If they get anger or argue etc end the conversation. Next time someone gives you a sob story to make you feel sorry for them do not buy in to it.
 SILLYGIRL111
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 96
view profile
History
Worst Valentine's Day ever
Posted: 2/19/2014 1:14:46 PM
I just wanted to add he may be trained in martial arts all so and a man is stronger then a women. He could of had a gun on him he could of caught you off guard and really hurt you. He could of had more training then you.He could of drugged your food or drink and he could of told the people where you where eating oh my wife is sick let me have the check and he would then carry you out to the car. when he was hugging you he could of stuck you with a needle and then you would be out in la la land for him to hurt you.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 97
Worst Valentine's Day ever
Posted: 2/19/2014 1:48:33 PM

Yes, most phone calls are.

In taste, sure, that's up to you. Objectively legit turn-off? No -- even though it's not my taste either (in most cases). You want to call that a red flag, to want to talk on the phone. Some people's comfort zones, understandably, are there. A taste issue to you -- and your own fear of it being too weird -- does not make something objectively a Bad thing.

Actually no, to be upset with someone is to believe that I am right and they are wrong

First, you think that him wanting to call was a wrong thing. Second, you went on and on about how he was doing things, not just by a taste issue, but wrong. You went off about how the guy was -- not "OMG, he's goth and that's just not my style, the date sucked!" That's where you're not upset at them as a person. You know this.

Maybe if he hadn't lied about his height, wasn't as aggressive with the flowers and the whole ensemble, kept it local, I may have been inclined to throw myself at him and welcome the hand holding, hug, and even a kiss, lol.

Now you're just changing your tune. You said you don't kiss -- you called that "inappropriate touching". Him lying about his height -- he did nothing wrong? Him giving you the silent treatment during dinner -- that wasn't anything wrong? OR are you saying "I was a b!tch because some things he did wasn't Bad -- I just didn't like it so I'm making him out to be a bad guy Here, but in reality, he wasn't." OR are you just not wanting to admit the fact that yes -- you were upset At Him? You're just swishing things around and don't want to admit -- yes, you lied.

People can be upset at someone rationally or irrationally. It doesn't require an objective right or wrong. It's an emotional thing. You were -- and you lied to him. Hey, if you felt threatened by him -- that's fine. But my point is, the nature of your feelings toward him -- negative-- is what he (and others mean) about being upset at him. You knew that. You lied to him to avoid confrontation. There can be understandable reasons to do so. My point was, it kept the vault open for possibilities when you said you weren't.

How would you even know she likes you, enough to allow you a kiss? Wouldn't it be something to discuss prior to it happening?

A discussion for a kiss? No. You read if they're into you. But that's another story. My point is, going in For a kiss, in and of itself, on an evening first date is not "inappropriate touching" -- ie groping. That's a cop-out to throw it in that arena when you're not into the other person.

In my opinion, he should have paid for a multitude of reasons ... That whole splitting bill crap needs to be spoken about prior to ordering, prior to the date if possible, lol.

Okay, another exaggeration (lie) you told him, though -- that he could have offered to split the bill and that wouldn't have made a difference on how you felt one way or another. It would. Just because you wouldn't bicker about it -- or possibly even Say a word about it, is very different than if it wouldn't affect you -- which is exactly the message you conveyed to him. Don't dance around words. Be real. You didn't tell him he actually should have because he was to take you out, he was late, he was (everything explained in your post) -- yeah, I agree. He should have.

Don't lie and send him the clear message that you don't care about that, is what I'm saying -- if you want to be the "better person". Which is what I think you're Consumed about... being Better. On top, above others. I'm sure you (and I) could point out others who exude that more obviously and crazily out there -- but have you ever honestly asked yourself that?

You knew the guy wasn't much of a catch. You held on to go out with him. Why? I think Halcyon has a point...

You were fully aware that you considered him to be beneath you when you accepted the date with him---you even admitted you didn't find him "hot", i.e. attractive.

I think you accepted the date because you're confrontational by nature, and you enjoy fomenting drama. You picked up on the fact that he had a bit of an ego thing going on, and you thought it would be amusing to toy with him and take him down a peg or two. I have no sympathy for you---you got what you deserved.

And I don't think what she said was very far from the truth. Belle, you're not that dumb -- at all. You knew what was coming. I believe, at least to some extent, you didn't get to walk out of there unscathed and it didn't go so well with a guy you knew was a tool... you didn't get to come out on top with a sense of satisfaction in the back of your mind. You knew this wasn't price charming. But sh!t -- he was worse than you expected + it went worse than you expected.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 98
Worst Valentine's Day ever
Posted: 2/19/2014 1:59:34 PM

you even admitted you didn't find him "hot", i.e. attractive.


This does not make sense. First of all, there are a lot of women that would go out with a guy because they find him charming, not hot at all. So, it's not an indicative that she is dating down or beneath her.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 99
Worst Valentine's Day ever
Posted: 2/19/2014 3:35:12 PM
Bebedeleau,

That's awful.

Halcyon_Skies

n this particular case, even if this guy's grammar and spelling were perfect, he still wouldn't convey intelligence, and we both know it. C'mon, let's not split hairs here:

Yes, in this particular case. Just like in my boss' particular case he is smart as f*ck, but can't spell to save his life.

Right, and my view hasn't changed. You were fully aware that you considered him to be beneath you when you accepted the date with him---you even admitted you didn't find him "hot", i.e. attractive.

Now that's more like you, lol. Aware that he was beneath me? No, more like aware that we're like not a good match. I admitted he wasn't hot because he wasn't, not that "hot" is a requirement for me to date someone.

I think you accepted the date because you're confrontational by nature, and you enjoy fomenting drama. You picked up on the fact that he had a bit of an ego thing going on, and you thought it would be amusing to toy with him and take him down a peg or two. I have no sympathy for you---you got what you deserved.

You realize both texts were written by him right? I was not the one who said I was way more attractive than him, he said that to me, lol. I'm not laughing because I disagree, but because in comparison to everyone in that restaurant, the little bit that he may had going for himself was shot to sh*t. I've always advocated people shouldn't post pictures beside more attractive people than themselves, but don't take your date where people are way hotter than yourself either.

Confrontational by nature? There might be some truth to that, I do that all the time because I work in Substance Abuse, I don't inch to confront people outside of my profession, but I'll into it, maybe it's rubbing off. Enjoy fomenting drama? Now that's totally not me, I'm a peace maker if anything, I want to cause the least damage possible without compromising the essence of my integrity.

How did I toy with him or took him down a peg or two? Because I blocked him? Is that the ego shot you're implying I took at him?

I was not asking for your exclusive sympathy, and yes, I got what deserved, I should have stayed home.

Princess12524

tHE ORIGINAL QUESTION:
Here's the question: how do you measure expectation for a first date, when it's tied to a "holiday"?

When I read it, it fell completely out of sequence with what was being discussed at time, it didn't make any sense, plus you had posted before (which did fall in line with what was going on and made sense). I apologize for having misread it, but it still does not answer the original question as you're saying that's what you intended to do. You went on and on and back-and-forth but didn't really answer the question anyway, lol. The question was not what people think of Valentine's Day or what they think about going on a date on Valentine's Day, the question was how do you have an idea about what the other person you are about to go on to date on, is expecting from the date because it's Valentine's Day. Like how can you tell what they may or may not be expecting because its Valentine's Day.

You went in on people who somehow need or want to go on a date on Valentine's Day on purpose. That has nothing to do with the thread or myself, and neither does people wanting to have a date for a wedding or New Year's or anything for that matter. I get what you're saying about people who go out on a date specifically for the purpose of filling some sort of the requirement for special days but that had nothing to do with this thread. That's of course unless you're trying to make a statement about the gentleman that I went on a date with, in which case ,I can't speak for. I don't know maybe he did want to go out just because it was Valentine's Day.

Your attitude & responses tell me you don't want to even contemplate advice.

No, my response to your post may be giving you the impression that I don't want to contemplate the rant you just went on, not my overall attitude of any other posters who have contributed.

Why did u even bother to post this thread?

Same reason you decided to post, stating you were attempting to answer the question. I'm not saying you're wrong, maybe my reading comprehension skills are not up to par.

To trash the young man, put him down, & therefore elevate yourself?

If that's the impression that you got, who am I to question it?

If not, you could have fooled me. I guess at the ripe old age of 29 you already know more than all of us put together. (including many of us old enough to be your parents)

Oh God no! I'm the first one to admit I'm f*cking dumb as dirt.

LoneScottishBoy,

In MY past readings of her posts she has been straightforward and insightful and followed a logical ruleset.

Thanks.

This time was exactly the opposote and very out of character for her.

Exactly.

Everyone HAS expressed some good stuff and concern that goes from genuine concern to overbearing criticism.

Yes

I dont think she is doing it deliberately because thats not her style...or at least not the style that I have experienced.

If you're referring to putting other people down, no I'm not doing that deliberately, no has it ever been my intention. I maybe jokey joke about certain things but it's not dark humor.

I sense frustration at having exposed a side of herself she may not have been aware of or simply didnt want to admit she had.
She's wrestling with it.

No, not frustration just realization that things are deeper than what scratches the surface in terms of safety. It's a little disheartening to realize how many times I put my life at risk or at the hand of my date, by getting into their car. I advise women in substance-abuse not to get into people's car precisely because of their substance-abuse issues and how that may place their safety at risk (not dating specific, the population I work with dabble in dealing and prostitution). I'm beginning to think it's not substance-abuse specific, as per other posters' concern.

SILLYGIRL111


When he told you he just wanted to be friends he was telling you he was not into dating or being in a relationship and you should not of met him he was looking for a booty call.

You went from he was looking for friends, to he was looking for a booty call. In his texts to me, he kind of made mention of that, somehow implying that since I'm not looking for friends that I was interested in dating him, in him specifically, when in actuality, I was simply making a general statement then I'm not on POF to look for friends. You may not be so far from the truth, lol, you may have a point there.

The gifts where to try to butter you up to fall for his charms and to get in your pants.

Epic fail, as the gifts were not unique, nor would they have sufficed to get into my pants, lol. If that was really his intention he should've done a better job at it, to get me at least think about it sometime in the near future, but you already what happened.

You should not of gotten in the car with him he is a stranger and you are lucky that he did not rape you and you should thank god that you are alive.

Yes *looks down to the floor like a puppy in trouble*, it's been drilled/etched in by now. I'm counting my blessings.

You should of left when he was 1o minutes late. you should of ignored his messages after the date.

10 minutes is a little too rigid, but I agree I should've ignored messages after the date, although I'm not sure that he wouldn't have kept sending me messages as if everything is alright.

He sounds like a nut.

Maybe not nuts, but lacking the ability to regulate his emotions to communicate clearly.

He could of beat the crap out of you. next time meet in a public place during the day time.

Yes, and I'll meet them location (I've done it before).

Tell someone where you are going.

My mom knew the general area I was going to be in, with him

Really get to know a person before you met them they are ways you can find out about a person on line they may cost money but well worth you being safe.

Now that I don't agree with, I'm not launching an investigation on someone in order for me to meet them. I'll use the same method I was using before this incident and I hope everything will be alright as it is been so far (prior to this).

We live in a crazy world a world of danger.

Yes, I watch the news.

Text is the worse way to get to know someone hearing a person voice gives you a better feeling about a person.

Texting works best for me. People on the phone don't know when to shut up, and if I don't like their voice I'm not meeting them, it's better just to leave it at texting (for me).

Asking a lot of questions gets you a good read about a person that is why I do not text. You should really listen to what the person is telling you and how they sound to certain questions. If they get anger or argue etc end the conversation.

That's what meeting is for, and I'm not there to berate them with questions, it's more about how you mesh in person.

Next time someone gives you a sob story to make you feel sorry for them do not buy in to it.

Got it.

As for your second post, stop watching TV, not everyone is evil. I get it but I'm not about to lose it and lock myself in my apartment, feeding the turtles, lol.

CR,

Understandably people have different comfort zones but if they insist on spending too much time on the phone or multiple phone calls, we're not a match.

I'm not changing the tune, I still haven't kissed anyone I've gone on a date with (other than that one time at band camp and it was a tap kiss, which was discussed prior to the date, over a year ago, lol).

Alright, I guess I was upset.

Keeping the vault open because I said I wasn't upset? I don't know how accurate that is.

I agree you wouldn't even entertain the idea of kissing someone when you're not feeling it, or feeling them, lol.

What is wrong with trying to be a better person? Is that something bad to be consumed with?

Outmind,

That was my point, I never said someone has to be hot for me to go out with them.
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