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 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 48
Rejection ettiquitePage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
If you could choose the most palatable way to get the bad news, what would it be?


She brings her twin sister along to the scene of the breakup and says:

"I'm breaking up with you, but my twin sister likes you, so she is going to take my place."



A guy can dream.
 Booky3
Joined: 5/25/2013
Msg: 49
Rejection ettiquite
Posted: 3/16/2014 7:38:18 PM
Fella you'll never get what you want if you turn tail and run every time a woman says NO. I've seen women change their mind like the wind, maybe it's an emotional wind but still they change.

On my old account of PassionateGent I had a few women I continued to message AFTER rejection. Usually with a sense of humor, and a few of them changed their mind and accepted a date...Maybe I caught them when they were bored and wanted to do something on the weekend, or maybe they thought this A-hole will continue to message me unless I give him a pity date...hehe

Fella you have but one life to live, so If you feel that burning passion for a woman on any site, don't give up the first time she says NO. You just have to convince her she might be making a mistake, or it would be FUN to hang with you.

Get er done you can do it.
 margareta08
Joined: 2/28/2014
Msg: 50
Rejection ettiquite
Posted: 3/17/2014 3:32:15 AM
Call a woman on what? That she prefers to be with someone else. SO be it.
I would just say "I am not feeling the chemistry" or tell the guy my reasons perhaps but that can cause resentment.
Women often say they just want to be friends to be kind but get the message across that they dont find you hot. Some guys still dont get it and then she is forced to be a bit more upfront.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 51
Rejection ettiquite
Posted: 3/17/2014 9:05:26 AM

Fella you'll never get what you want if you turn tail and run every time a woman says NO. I've seen women change their mind like the wind, maybe it's an emotional wind but still they change.

Please respect a woman's choice. No is the end of the conversation, not the beginning of a negotiation. If a woman says no and then changes her mind, it's because she's unstable, or has decided to give you a chance likely to kill some time. Are you OK with dating someone like this?

On my old account of PassionateGent I had a few women I continued to message AFTER rejection. Usually with a sense of humor, and a few of them changed their mind and accepted a date...Maybe I caught them when they were bored and wanted to do something on the weekend, or maybe they thought this A-hole will continue to message me unless I give him a pity date...hehe

And you are OK with dating someone who feels this way about you even though it will likely go nowhere?

Fella you have but one life to live, so If you feel that burning passion for a woman on any site, don't give up the first time she says NO. You just have to convince her she might be making a mistake, or it would be FUN to hang with you.

Get er done you can do it.

You are one of the guys I can personally thank for the guys that have tried to convince me after I have said no that I should reconsider. How annoying. It offends me that some people think your express decision isn't something they need to pay attention to. "I'm going to date you even if you don't have any interest in me."

How charming.
 TOaks91360
Joined: 11/22/2013
Msg: 52
Rejection ettiquite
Posted: 3/20/2014 8:17:19 AM
I thought NO meant YES??
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 53
Rejection ettiquite
Posted: 3/20/2014 1:59:06 PM
drake79psu- People don't take rejection well, it hurts.
I do with honesty, something like, "you are a great guy, but we aren't a match".
The thing is, EVERY time they insist on why.
It's that awkwardness that follows a request for an explanation that leads to many a person taking the passive/aggressive route and telling a white lie.
It would be so much easier if people would just accept that no means no.
 margareta08
Joined: 2/28/2014
Msg: 54
Rejection ettiquite
Posted: 3/21/2014 2:54:09 AM
Old hag
You say you are not here to date right?? Forums only? So why would anyone message you and of course you wouldnt care, right??
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 55
Rejection ettiquite
Posted: 3/21/2014 7:06:12 AM

Old hag
You say you are not here to date right?? Forums only? So why would anyone message you and of course you wouldnt care, right??

Ha - I wish when I was single but wasn't looking, or wasn't single, or some other form of non participation etc no one would message me anyway. Fat chance. Very few people read profiles, unfortunately.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 56
Rejection ettiquite
Posted: 5/1/2014 3:39:11 PM
My dream rejection from her would be 'lets stay FWB until either of us meets someone'...

Bamagrl, yes, you are correct. I've been rejected and quickly wondered why, knowing that I should not have asked. I felt bad the way I handled the rejection. I know better then to try fighting for someone's affection or selling myself to a person.

While it does hurt, I do believe when someone says no connection, that you should humbly walk away and not beat yourself up about it. Easier said then done! I actually complemented her for the way she told me to my face instead of fading away and leaving me wondering. I totally respected her etiquette.

For both genders, the rejection is worse once you've been intimate already. That really stings.

 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 57
Rejection ettiquite
Posted: 5/1/2014 11:21:28 PM

I do with honesty, something like, "you are a great guy, but we aren't a match".
The thing is, EVERY time they insist on why.
It's that awkwardness that follows a request for an explanation that leads to many a person taking the passive/aggressive route and telling a white lie.
It would be so much easier if people would just accept that no means no.


Well, isn't there a reason for the "no", or else it would be a "yes"?

There has to be a reason why you don't think you two are a match, especially if they are a "great guy".

Is it a state secret?

Do people have to lie or not give a reason because they are embarrassed that the real reason is shallow?

I had one woman send me a complimentary message who lied about her age and admitted it in her About Me section, but did not reveal the true age, and I sent her a reply declining to pursue anything and told why (the lying about age).
I had another woman also send me a complimentary message who was separated, and I sent her a reply declining to pursue anything because I don't get involved with separated women.
I had reasons, I stated the reasons. Both women sent follow-up messages after that but I did not open them. Might have been nasty messages, might have been nice, but I'll never know and it didn't matter, as there was no need for further communication.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 3/22/2014
Msg: 58
Rejection ettiquite
Posted: 5/1/2014 11:45:20 PM

She brings her twin sister along to the scene of the breakup and says:
"I'm breaking up with you, but my twin sister likes you, so she is going to take my place."
A guy can dream.


Now, that's funny! :)

A couple of months ago, this guy sent me a message (on OKC site) and we had a few short emails. For some reason, I thought he was divorced, but he wasn't, he was a widower. I shy away from dating widowers (another topic/another
day) so I wished him well, noting we were not a match and I noted why. Immediately, I received a message basically blasting me for not noting that I don't date widowers on my profile. He proceeded to tell me how his deceased wife wants him to be happy as he deserves to be happy. I blocked him. Not so long ago, I received a message from the same guy on this site and I hesitated to open it. But, I did. Big mistake as his only comment was why I still did not note on my profile how I don't date widowers. For me, I prefer to KISS (keep it short & simple) as there is no point to note why you are not a match. If I am not a match for someone, fine with me as I just don't care. :)
 JohnX1200
Joined: 4/23/2014
Msg: 59
Rejection ettiquite
Posted: 5/4/2014 6:09:20 AM
To answer OP question: As a guy, I don't stop pushing until I get a NO. A lot of girls put up walls that they want someone to break down. I do literally mean, they WANT someone to break them down. When a girl spits out a generic answer, don't take it, don't be a jerk, but come back playfully with something else. The idea is, no girl wants a **** for a boyfriend. If you have a weak spine and get shut down at the first rejection, that's her cue to move on. Although, NEVER be a douche about it, too many guys are. When she says NO, move on, no if, ands, or buts. (Or more importantly, whys. You'll never know, just get used to it.)

If she said yes to go out with you on the first date, in MOST cases, you have everything it takes to make something happen. If it falls through, chances are you screwed up somewhere. Don't fret about it, sometimes your screw up is a success on the next girl. If you keep getting rejected after a few dates, THEN fret about it, because you are definitely doing something wrong.

So, answer is, the only rejection you should take is a NO.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 60
Rejection ettiquite
Posted: 5/4/2014 7:10:05 AM
^^^Why if you don't get a yes would you assume she's actually interested? Many girls don't want to flat out say no because they get pushback/retaliation. A girl who really wants to date you and doesn't play games won't leave you up in the air - she'll make sure you know she's interested.

Even if she's not sure if she's interested - why would you want to pursue that?
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 61
Rejection ettiquite
Posted: 5/4/2014 8:26:48 PM
^^^^^^^^^^
I was dumped for no connection, to my face, followed by 'I don't know, maybe I'll feel differently in the morning'. WTF? Mixed signals? The mature version of myself knew better then to 'fight to keep her'. I did ask if she needed or wanted clarification on anything and she said no. Following morning I asked if she felt differently and she only said she felt sad.

I moved on, but, the younger me would have 'fought to keep her', like I did with a $25K ring to my third ex. What a dumb, innocent and naive man I was. Buying a woman's affection with a diamond. I could have used the money on my sons. I will always regret proving my worth to a woman with lavish gifts:(

I will never again 'fight to keep her'. Nothing is more humiliating then trying to convince someone I'm good for them.

Mixed signals? They're a NO for me:)
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 63
Rejection ettiquite
Posted: 8/27/2014 9:47:50 PM
Avoidance is the best policy.


No response is okay for the first email. However when 2 people went out on 1-3 dates or had at least had discussing going out on a date, then I think it's good manners to send a text or email saying that "we're not a match" or "I met someone else". The disappearing act can be rude and cowardly. In particular a person had just expressed interest in going out on a date right before suddenly ending contact.

If someone receives any type of backlash after rejecting the other person, then block that person.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 64
Rejection ettiquite
Posted: 9/6/2014 1:15:54 PM
I posted this in a similar thread. First, it's not rejection unless you've spend any amount of time together and you were therefore accepted first. Real early on it's just lack of mutual interest or attraction.

Second, you're getting information which is useful in making a life decision. Take the information and appreciate that it was given to you. The form it comes in is irrelevant. Why would you want to bother spending one more minute entertaining the thought of someone who no longer wants you? Separate the emotion of it from the fact that you are actually finding out something you need to know. Then objectively put a plan in place to do what's in your best interest minus the person who isn't interested in being there anyway.

If you feel you really must feel bad about it, do it when you're done carrying out your plan.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 66
Rejection ettiquite
Posted: 9/10/2014 10:54:45 AM
For myself, just tell me I'm not what you're looking for. It's a lot more honest than saying you're "not ready to date" and two weeks later show up on the arm of a guy who literally still lives in his parents' basement. So far, I've resisted the urge to call her out on that.


I'm my humble opinion, this doesn't qualify as being broken-hearted.

It's none of your business with whom she dates. She isn't obliged to return your messages, like you, or date you. She doesn't need to inform you of anything. In a medium like this, you have no right to command anybody to answer to you, and answer to you in a fashion you desire. This same right applies to you, as well.

Find somebody who is genuinely interested in you and stop wasting your time by obsessing over somebody who clearly isn't interested in you.

No means no.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 67
Rejection ettiquite
Posted: 9/12/2014 5:55:27 PM

I disagree with requiring spending a particular amount of time together. They can reject your offer to go out/meet up. Rejection just depends on what it's in reference to.

IMO someone has to know you somewhat to have something to reject, or find wrong. A lack of attraction isn't something someone can control, so they aren't saying you're wrong or not good enough per se. That's what rejection represents to me. Also, seeing it that way will just make it more stressful and makes it easier to find fault with yourself.

It's irrelevant to whether they like you or not, true. However, it is relevant to being in the ballpark of polite to someone usually. Again, this depends on What they are rejecting. Rejecting you as a BF/GF (dumping)? The tact & ettiquite is more important. Rejection of interest? It's not so important, but they could still be an a-hole in their response. :)

I meant more that it's irrelevant (if someone isn't interested) how that message is given to you so long as you get it and can then make an educated choice what to do with that information. Even if they are rude and insulting in their response - you get that it's a no which is what you want to find out. It's on them if they suck at communicating - that's not about who you are, really.

It's a small world -- she may have some cute friends while you may run into her again.

Women aren't this scarce are they? Why try to date in the same circles purposely?
 TLC200
Joined: 7/26/2014
Msg: 68
Rejection ettiquite
Posted: 9/22/2014 10:27:45 AM
when i'm on the receiving end of a very NICE and Complimentary email and I see that the woman is not what i'm looking for I STILL write back and tell her "I don't think we're a match".

that usually does it. I

if I do not receive a reply from a woman I wrote to and am interested in I let it go and move on.

but (for ME) I find it impolite for me not to answer a lady's kind letter even if it's in the Thanks but No thanks Mode" .

that backfired on me (in a good way) one time when I met a woman who I previously said "I don't think we're a match " to and today we've been BFF's for 3 years. she's on my profile pics and we get along so great but she doesn't want me for a boyfriend.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 69
Rejection ettiquite
Posted: 9/22/2014 2:51:14 PM

I moved on, but, the younger me would have 'fought to keep her', like I did with a $25K ring to my third ex. What a dumb, innocent and naive man I was. Buying a woman's affection with a diamond. I could have used the money on my sons. I will always regret proving my worth to a woman with lavish gifts:(

I will never again 'fight to keep her'. Nothing is more humiliating then trying to convince someone I'm good for them.


What a great statement this is. It's a tough realization, and we all have been through this. Well, many of us guys.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 70
view profile
History
Rejection ettiquite
Posted: 9/22/2014 3:28:19 PM
Usually I will write back to someone I have been messaging with and let them know that I don't feel we are a match or we are looking for different things. Did that today as a matter of fact...
If a guy doesn't want to talk to me or tells me that we're NOT a match, I don't allow that to wreak havoc with my self-esteem...Usually I try and think of if I were in his position and what I think when I say that.
Which is usually not much at ALL, frankly...I don't think, "Oh! What a HIDEOUS human being I can't POSSIBLY be with someone like THAT!" or, "How could THAT loser think that I would even CONSIDER him?!?!!?"
Why WOULD I think anything like that anyway??? I don't KNOW the man!!!! And I figure it's HIS loss, when it's done to ME!!! lol

Usually it's just....NOT...a.....MATCH for ME, and that's based purely on intuition and observation, if we have been actually messaging...
As for someone in real life, well yes that can be a sticky situation if you're in the same social circles, but the same rules apply....Why do you want to be with someone who OBVIOUSLY doesn't want to be with you???? And who CARES what they actually SAY, it amounts to the SAME thing, REJECTION!!
It's a part of Life and for myself, I figure that I better get used to it if I'm going to be dating as it will probably happen a LOT.
Rejection is never fun but it IS a part of life if you are doing anything more than sitting at home watching t.v. I just figure that wasn't the person for me and go on my merry way...
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 71
view profile
History
Rejection ettiquite
Posted: 9/26/2014 8:04:10 AM

Idea: online dating websites can include your rejection etiquette style on your profile. Then prospective dates can save emotional capital by not dating them.

Sample checkboxes
• I just stop answering her calls and ignore her if I see her in public
• I pick a fight, so I can blame her for the split
• I increase criticism and set more and more oppressive rules until she quits
• I engage in behaviour so humiliating and insulting that even a dame with very low self esteem would not put up with it.
• I stay in relationships I don't want to be in because I am too nice to break up with the other



BRILLIANT!!!! LOL
 rftv1020
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 72
Rejection ettiquite
Posted: 9/27/2014 2:42:07 PM
A Hookergram

With the message:

Dear RFTV,
It is not you, it is me. Please accept these two hookers as a memento of the time we shared.

Best Wishes
Kiki
 hellothere2018
Joined: 4/2/2014
Msg: 73
Rejection ettiquite
Posted: 10/19/2014 4:43:56 AM
I rather much a "I'm not interested" than this game playing, lieing, lureing and whatever else is in that big book of tricks
 Chrissyfit44
Joined: 6/1/2014
Msg: 74
Rejection ettiquite
Posted: 10/23/2014 3:12:53 PM
I say that you're a great guy (blah,blah,blah) but I'm just not feeling it.
Simple, no BS, cuts to the chase. I've always had men tell me that they appreciate this approach.
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