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 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 26
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Don't lie. Actually send them to your mother!
She will be glad to see them. Moms love pics of their kids.
It will give you practice on describing the snapshots, too.
 KS-215
Joined: 2/17/2014
Msg: 27
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Posted: 2/25/2014 5:16:31 AM
Motown_cowgirl, my reasoning for putting those in my profile are that there are a lot of people on my area that have sub par hygeine standards, are drug addicts, criminals, shirtless meatheads etc. My intention was to point out the fact that I am different, the nice guy.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 28
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Posted: 2/25/2014 5:43:07 AM
there are a lot of people on my area that have sub par hygeine standards, are drug addicts, criminals, shirtless meatheads

I find it hard to believe that the isle of wight is full of filthy criminals, but whatever you say.

maybe civilized behavior and personal hygiene really need pointing out where you live, and perhaps a nice guy like you will prove me wrong, even though you've already claimed that girls don't go for nice guys anyway.

good luck.
 mrhellothere
Joined: 12/2/2012
Msg: 29
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Posted: 2/25/2014 5:51:46 AM
Hey man - good to see you took most of the advice onboard - it appears to be shaping up nicely! :)

Before i carry on I think a good profile is about your state of mind when you write it. If you are feeling frustrated writing it, you will resent it and i'm not saying that will come across, but it may mean you don't write your best possible profile.

OK so I would reiterate taking out the "I take care of my appearance and have good personal hygiene.

I have a stable full time 09:00 to 17:00 job, no debts, my own car and a clean licence."

makes me feel a bit grody.

I appreciate where you are coming from in terms of those being exemplary qualities when you compare yourself to others in your locale, but compare yourself to the guy living outside of London. Then look at how you are better than him :) I understand you are attempting to attract someone who lives nearby, but maybe that is someone who has moved from somewhere else in the UK and has more specific needs.

PLUS - how do they know if you are lying or not? I have written in my profile "honest, caring, polite" before and then realised you have to prove these kinds of qualities. Plus those I mentioned are all pretty subjective I suppose.

Take heart in the knowledge that you know you ARE a nice guy :) Ok so the totally image obsessed gym-bunny girls might not care, but who cares about them? Any picture is better than no picture in my mind - seeing as it is recommended to switch your profile picture every few months anyway, what is the harm in having an okish one for now? Some on here may disagree, but I'd rather see an average picture of a girl if I liked her profile than no picture at all.

I'd recommend taking up a new hobby and trying to meet people that way (then include it in your profile along with pics!). I relied looking on here too much and it really knocked my confidence. But ultimately, I don't want to be with just anyone, no matter how alone I might feel at times. I want who is right for me or the whole thing could be just a waste of time. And she might not be on here. Yet...

Hope that helps a bit dude. Sorry for rambling. Chin up, positive thinking.
 KS-215
Joined: 2/17/2014
Msg: 30
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Posted: 2/25/2014 6:04:09 AM
You'd be surprised at how bad it can get here.
I see your point, but if I were to take those paragraphs out, my profile would say little more than I've been on holiday and that I listen to music. Then I'm back to square one.
 mrhellothere
Joined: 12/2/2012
Msg: 31
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Posted: 2/25/2014 6:15:54 AM
What would your friends, close family members, workmates you get on with etc say about you? Sometimes it is hard to think of our own positive qualities to talk about, but if we were doing it for someone we knew (and cared about) it is a lot easier. Maybe get a friend to write a testimony?
 KS-215
Joined: 2/17/2014
Msg: 32
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Posted: 2/7/2015 1:15:28 PM
Well, nearly a year on from my last post and I'm still having no luck.
My profile has evolved over this past year, hopefully in the right direction, but clearly not far enough.

Can anyone make any further suggestions before I reach the 5-years-single mark?
 Forums_only
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 33
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Posted: 2/7/2015 8:09:08 PM
Still can't see your face. If there's no initial visual attraction, why would anyone open a message or read your profile? You really need a current smiling shoulders/head shot. Really.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 34
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Posted: 2/8/2015 2:49:14 AM
The photos are bad so not wait until you have your act together with those before you post a profile again?
You only have one chance to make a first impression and gals will just float on by if the pictures do not appeal. How hard is it to get someone to take some shots of you that are full length, full on and smiling?
 ThisThatTheOtherThing
Joined: 11/18/2013
Msg: 35
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Posted: 2/8/2015 12:57:55 PM
The night time group photo is completely useless. Replace it with something better.
 ScooterSB
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 36
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Posted: 2/8/2015 2:27:59 PM
Main photo should be a clear, smiling headshot without a busy background. It needs to be good enough so that you can get a clear idea of what you look like even from a thumnail or on a small phone screen.

Photo of you hugging up next to another girl could well be killing your profile. Women consistantly say they hate seeing pictures of other women in guys profile. Looks like it is some ex you arn't quite over.

Remember to talk about passions in your text. 'I'm passionate about music' sounds better than 'I like music' for example.

Advertising your social media on pof can get your profile deleted. Also, what's the point, if a woman likes you she'll message you on POF, that's how this works.



Are you sending many first messages? If so what are you saying in them?
 KS-215
Joined: 2/17/2014
Msg: 37
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Posted: 2/9/2015 10:37:26 AM
Truth is that I'm very camera shy, suffer from crippling anxiety, lack self confidence and have very low self esteem.

Any "selfies" I take are painful and rarely reflect my actual looks because I'm usually sporting an obviously fake grin (see black and white picture). Asking a stranger to take a photo of me would be excruciating, and the end result would be less than satisfactory (see group photo). Just the thought of it makes me feel sick.

I thought I had noted the B&W picture saying it was a friend. Will have to redo that.

Re: First messages
I have sent a few, although have never received a reply. All messages have since been deleted, so I can't provide you with a sample.

General format would be something like (using ScooterSB as an example)

"Hey ScooterSB, hope you're well!
I read your profile and had to send you a message.
I see you like Sci-Fi, what's your favourite Sci-Fi film?
Hope to hear back,
J x"

Something like that?
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 38
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Posted: 2/9/2015 10:51:29 AM

Truth is that I'm very camera shy, suffer from crippling anxiety, lack self confidence and have very low self esteem.
What are you doing to work on yourself, hon.
It sounds very unpleasant to be in your situation and this is probably the biggest factor holding up your dating life, if not also your life in general.
It may seem cliche, but counseling could be very helpful.
Online dating might feel safer to you because the anxiety regarding approaching women is less, but it's actually a more harsh environment.

The woman in the pic...it will be assumed she is an ex gf.

What's keeping you from doing martial arts now, instead of the future?

take off the fb/snapchat username. Not allowed here and you don't want to give up that info yet.
 KS-215
Joined: 2/17/2014
Msg: 39
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Posted: 2/9/2015 11:04:08 AM
I've tried counselling in the past and didn't get on with it. I found it rather patronizing. I'm aware of what my issues are, why they are and how to resolve them. I just lack the courage to get over those hurdles. Failure to achieve those goals in the past have knocked my confidence further down rather than building it up. I know, the route I'm on is a downward spiral, it just feels more gradual by not addressing them right now. I also want to avoid getting tarred with the mad brush.
I am on medication which helps me to live a somewhat "normal" life.

The reason I've not gone back to martial arts is partially due to my physical health (or lack of) and the aforementioned anxiety.


Point taken regarding the picture with my friend, and I didn't realize the other usernames were in breach of the ToS. Oops!
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 40
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Posted: 2/9/2015 11:06:28 AM
That's as far as we've gotten with a main pic? What's up now? Been going on a while it seems.

What's going on here?

Not even a name in the About Me, KS?
 KS-215
Joined: 2/17/2014
Msg: 41
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Posted: 2/9/2015 11:16:54 AM
I didn't think my name was necessary as it has no effect on how attractive people find me?
It doesn't do any harm I guess.
 Forums_only
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 42
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Posted: 2/9/2015 11:31:21 AM
A few more notes:

- we don't know you and won't know if it's a 'fake' smile.
- from the one photo you have, you seem to be nice-looking, have good bone structure and the dark-and-handsome thing happening. You may not see it, but the right woman for you will. Make it a little easier for her, 'k?
- you have stated in your stats "Does not want children" so you don't need the extraordinarily negative line about children in your profile. If you are randomly contacted by someone with kids, you can choose to ignore her or respond as you wish. I didn't want kids, either, until I had one. Just sayin'...
- having your first name in your profile makes you feel more 'real'. It's all very psychological.

The first message has too much 'fluff'. Instead, be surgical on your choice of words initially. For example, if I were to contact you:

I took the Korean martial art Sun Hang Do for a couple of years. I enjoyed learning the patterns and building strength. What did you study? (first name)

No need to ask 'how are you' or 'looking forward to hearing from you', both of those are implied.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 43
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Posted: 2/9/2015 12:08:28 PM
I learned next to nothing about your from your profile.
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 44
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Posted: 2/9/2015 2:25:25 PM
Why so much drama about having someone on the street take your picture? It's the easiest thing in the world.
Your one photo is terrible as a main image, as a thumbnail it's a confusing jumble of lines and shapes, with a face down there somewhere.
Get some good pictures, otherwise you may as well hang it up.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 45
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Posted: 2/9/2015 2:47:18 PM
Again you are missing the point about pics. The profile means nothing without them so tweaking that to gain interest is a waste of time as women judge you by your looks and stats and then decide to read a profile or not. Same with men.

From what you say, you are not ready for the world of online dating and I would be working up the courage to try to overcome your many problems, judging from what you say. If you feel the way about yourself the way you do, how do you expect a woman to want you?

We are all betrayed one way and another along the line and after five years, you should be over the one woman that betrayed you in the past. If this post is genuine, you have a lot of work to do. Good Luck.
 KS-215
Joined: 2/17/2014
Msg: 46
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Posted: 2/9/2015 3:09:18 PM
Forums_only: I thought the idea was to fluff the messages up a bit, obviously I was wrong! Will give that a go next time.

CuriousInDB: Thanks for the reply, but that's not very helpful. What did you want to learn from my profile?

GreenThumbz18: I wish I knew. I've been camera shy since a young age, and I have this irrational anxiety over social interaction from strangers. I suppose I'll have to get a camera with a timer feature and run about a bit.

petula1908: My issues don't all stem from past relationships. Sure, I've had some crappy ones, but I've always dusted myself off and carried on with my life. Don't misunderstand, my problems lie with anyone, not just those that I may have a romantic connection with. I did meet one girl a couple of years back from a dating site, so I know it's not impossible. I just need assistance with the fine tuning.
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 47
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Posted: 2/9/2015 3:20:46 PM
"I have this irrational anxiety over social interaction from strangers."
Online dating = interaction with strangers, does it not? If you aren't willing to work through your fears you really need to re-think whether online dating is something you even want to get involved with.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 48
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Posted: 2/9/2015 6:30:24 PM

CuriousInDB: Thanks for the reply, but that's not very helpful. What did you want to learn from my profile?

*tearing my hair out and going to bed. Where's that wig?*

Tomorrow's another day, "Me".

Put your name on your profile.
 KS-215
Joined: 2/17/2014
Msg: 49
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Posted: 2/10/2015 1:37:51 AM
You're not wrong, Green, but I'm less likely to have a panic attack "meeting" strangers online from the safety of my home and building some trust before taking the leap and meeting in real life. I don't go to public areas as I find crowds intimidating, I don't drink, so pubs and clubs are out of the question. I'm not physically fit enough for sport, nor do I enjoy it.

I see internet dating as both my last resort and first step.

If I am to drag myself out of this hole, I will need the support of another. From there I will be able to improve.

Edit: I've found a picture from Christmas time. I had to crop the rest of the family out and my hair is a mess, but is that any better?
 Mark_It_Up
Joined: 3/15/2011
Msg: 50
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Posted: 2/10/2015 2:19:47 AM

GreenThumbz18: I wish I knew. I've been camera shy since a young age, and I have this irrational anxiety over social interaction from strangers. I suppose I'll have to get a camera with a timer feature and run about a bit.

Well, the women will not care about this, in fact they will never find out about it. They will simply see your crappy photos and hit "next".

Either get some good photos or you might as well give up now. Good photos are essential. Excuses will get you nowhere, no matter how valid or reasonable they are.
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