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 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 51
Profile assessment requiredPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
At first I clicked on your page and I couldn't find anything wrong with it. I was like wow he seems decent and smart and I'd even be interested in dating him! - shame he lives in UK :(
It is really weird reading all these old posts with content of what used to be on your page. Some of it quite shocking and I'd not of expected it from the same person as in the profile. I feel kind of like part of your personality has been hidden in you removing parts.
You should include this on your page or at-least parts of it: I don't go to public areas as I find crowds intimidating, I don't drink, so pubs and clubs are out of the question. I'm not physically fit enough for sport, nor do I enjoy it.
I believe women should know what they are getting into and what to expect and not feel mislead or face nasty surprises.

I am not entirely sure what you mean by this: If I am to drag myself out of this hole, I will need the support of another. From there I will be able to improve.
How do you want to improve? explain?

I like that you included your Myers brigs personality type on your profile, that intrigued me. Perhaps talk about it a bit, since it was clearly important enough to you to warrant you mentioning it.

I feel like your profile is confusing and a bit misleading going by some of the stuff you say in this post. On your profile you seem out-going and explorative going by the: traveling, outdoor excersize and how you want someone to be able to do activities with you.
However on here you say you: DON'T do sport, excersize and sport are pretty much the same. It feels misleading, either that or you really need to specify what you mean.
Then the whole not wanting to go out in public areas and no pubs and clubs adds to that confusion.
You need to be more clear in what you will do and what you will not do and what you expect and seek in a partner and a relationship.

Honestly after I read the post with you saying you don't go in public areas and no drinking, no sport you remind me of a guy I used to date, that was freaky!
Immediately I thought wow, he is going to not want to go anywhere or do anything with me. It may not be true, depends. That is an entirely different feel than I got from your profile. You need to fix it and be more clear.
In the forums you seem like a different person going by these posts than the person in the profile.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 52
Profile assessment required
Posted: 2/10/2015 5:08:47 AM

I'm less likely to have a panic attack "meeting" strangers online from the safety of my home and building some trust before taking the leap and meeting in real life.

Are you seeing a professional?

We all go through things; those of us who are smart get help.

You think you'll build trust and then want to meet, but it doesn't work that way. I tried that (for different reasons other than shyness). No, I don't think that's going to work for you. Google agoraphobia. Can't live like that, "Me". I'll bet you have someone else in your family with the same feelings about crowds/public places ... maybe.

What's with no name still? How can we post a profile, "hide" and expect to meet people?
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 53
Profile assessment required
Posted: 2/10/2015 5:57:10 AM
Oh I just wanted to add that you really should probably try to 'sort' yourself out before you put yourself 'on the market' dating wise.

A partner could help you work through it but a relationship and dating comes with its own set of problems and uncertainties. So it is best that before you add a whole new level of complexities that you sort out what issues you are dealing with at the present.

Get yourself in with a psychiatrist (if you aren't already) and try some counseling and therapy type interventions.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 54
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Posted: 2/10/2015 6:03:06 AM
^^^Yep. Where else can we "practice" without a license (or in my case, anything else), Aradia?

And OP that's you in photo 2 and you're running that bad shot with the weird background as main? You're a handsome guy. Get photo 2 up as main.

EDIT: Well, I do have a second "profession" now, thanks to you, Aradia. So there's that.
 KS-215
Joined: 2/17/2014
Msg: 55
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Posted: 2/10/2015 6:52:47 AM
Thanks for the constructive post Aradia!

Firstly, it's not my intention to deceive, I've merely omitted certain things which were deemed too negative or unnecessary in previous profile versions. I've not mentioned my anxiety issues in my profile as I'm more willing to get outside and face crowds when I'm with someone I feel safe with. This is what I meant about dragging myself out of the hole. I admit I'm a hermit at the moment, but once I've got a reason to go out and someone to go out with I'll be able to do a lot more.

The exercise I was referring to is walking. No, nothing impressive, just fills the profile up a bit.

I thought the way to go about this was to stay positive, not to point out your flaws? I appreciate everyone's tastes vary, but there are so many conflicting opinions I don't know who to go with!

Curious:
As mentioned before, I have seen a professional and didn't get on with it.
My name is in the profile as you suggested, and has been for some time!

I'm not liking how this is turning into a "this guy needs psychiatric help" thread. Yes, I have issues, but I came here for advice on my profile, not on my mental state of mind. If we could all stick to the main topic, I'd be grateful.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 56
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Posted: 2/10/2015 10:19:45 AM
^^^I kept missing it, John. See mine after the About there? You could do that.

You are so handsome. Get out there. You can do it. Just pretend you're someone else for a while. It's hard to find the right pro to help. Do it yourself.

Yeah, sorry, but people have suggested both Aradia and I could benefit ... just part of the deal here sometimes. No need to compare crazies here though, John. I'd win.

Good luck.
 KS-215
Joined: 2/17/2014
Msg: 57
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Posted: 2/10/2015 11:52:02 AM
Much luck will be needed, thanks. I hope I didn't sound too defensive in my last post, it just felt like everyone went attack mode on my mentality rather than the issue I came here for. Sorry if it seemed like I was biting back.

Well, since updating my image, I've received a message. Only time will tell whether this is just a coincidence or if the picture really did help.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 58
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Posted: 2/10/2015 12:00:29 PM
Already says your name so no need to repeat yourself
You have a few spelling errors
You need to speak of the Present - what you do now and want to in the future. Why mention MA if you no longer do it?
Craft - you have craft as an Interest. What do you mean?
Only 2 photos is hurting you.
Why would you wine and dine a stranger? Keep the first meet simple if you click then you plant the first date
 KS-215
Joined: 2/17/2014
Msg: 59
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Posted: 2/10/2015 12:42:27 PM
I was playing with the name setting to see what Curious was talking about and forgot to reset it.

Where are the spelling mistakes? I fail to see any.

What do I do now? Not a lot. There's no point in putting that in there. With regards to the future, I take each day as it comes.

Craft is just something I do the pass the time. It could be origami, Lego, miniatures, props. Whatever takes my fancy at that time.

The lack of photos has already been addressed.

I wouldn't wine and dine a stranger, I'd want to talk for a while online before meeting them for a date.
 Forums_only
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 60
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Posted: 2/10/2015 7:35:23 PM
Holy hell you're good looking.

I couldn't find any typos, either.

Instead of the singular 'craft' (which some women may read as Warcraft/video games) why not the plural Crafts? They can probably relate to that.

The whole 'talk for a while online' thing will find you losing out at the end. A few messages back and forth, then a short meeting for a coffee/beverage and 20-30 minute face to fact to see if you even WANT to meet again works best. By the time you've 'talked for a while online' another guy will have swooped in and invited her out. Timing is everything.
 TylerR1-6
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 61
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Posted: 2/10/2015 7:58:56 PM
I think your profile is good. Upload a few more pics like your profile pic though, 2nd one is not a very flattering picture.
 KS-215
Joined: 2/17/2014
Msg: 62
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Posted: 2/11/2015 12:05:48 AM
Thanks for the compliment, Forums. It almost sounded genuine lol

Good call on the Craft(s), could also save me from a old fashioned pitchfork wielding witch hunt mob.

I see your point on the messaging / meeting timescales and completely agree, however I also think it could be more damaging for me to enter such an environment before I'm ready. Will have to give it a go. How long would you say the average first message to first meeting gap is out of curiosity?

Re: second picture - I thought it better to have at least one more picture up. Should I just remove it completely?
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 63
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Posted: 2/11/2015 2:48:25 AM
OP:

Thanks for the compliment, Forums. It almost sounded genuine lol

lol. I like you. Come to forums.

You need to change that to "crafts". And I dislike the POF personalility word "crafty". I always wonder what it means. (See, there are things I don't like about the site.)

I'd remove the other pic. Doesn't look like the same guy. Post a few more like the main and you'll be coming back here complaining about too much mail next.
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 64
Profile assessment required
Posted: 2/11/2015 8:05:14 AM
KS-215:

I'm not liking how this is turning into a "this guy needs psychiatric help" thread. Yes, I have issues, but I came here for advice on my profile, not on my mental state of mind. If we could all stick to the main topic, I'd be grateful.

That was totally cute and funny - don't worry it wasn't TOO bad, I have seen worse toward other people, and myself before. People are just trying to help...

Honestly, as long as you aren't completely miserable and you can function well in life, your anxiety and other issues aren't soo bad. It is when you can not function and are completely miserable that it is time to really get help. Before that time you can kind of try things to 'self help'. I used to suffer badly from depression, anxiety, mood problems and some other things but they pretty much cleared up on their own with time and patience and after medicating made it 10x worse. So time and patience can help heal but so can some outside help if it is needed.

CuriousInDB

Yeah, sorry, but people have suggested both Aradia and I could benefit ... just part of the deal here sometimes. No need to compare crazies here though, John. I'd win.
Hey Curious!! I don't know why people think I'm 'crazy'... so confusing. Do I give off a vibe or something? :S I think, if memory serves me right, you said I am deeply disturbed? or something. I'm not even that bad on here?! *cringe* I..I ..Okay.. *accepts crazy status*

You really are good looking, so you would benefit in having more pictures up - if you can get more. Even if you can't your main is gorgeous. You seem to have a good personality too and aren't up yourself like many men are, so when you start talking to women you shouldn't have a problem.

CuriousInDB to KS-215

lol. I like you. Come to forums.

I like him too ;) haha totally agree.

Awww why are you so far away :(
 KS-215
Joined: 2/17/2014
Msg: 65
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Posted: 2/11/2015 11:22:27 AM
Okay, Torii gate photo going. Just need to wait for some nice weather and I can get outside for some photos.. yay.

I can never tell if people are being sarcastic or not when they pay me a compliment. It may be that my vision is warped when it comes to my opinion on my looks and personality, but I just don't see what other people do.

I like to think that my difference to the stereotypical "lad" is my selling point. I'm not stuck up my own arse, arrogant, boisterous etc, just a mild mannered, confidence lacking, respectful.. nice guy I guess? Maybe life would be simpler if I -was- a typical "lad" but that just isn't me.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 66
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Posted: 2/11/2015 11:41:18 AM
OP:


I like to think that my difference to the stereotypical "lad" is my selling point. I'm not stuck up my own arse, arrogant, boisterous etc, just a mild mannered, confidence lacking, respectful.. nice guy I guess?

Those are all things that will serve you maybe better in the future. It's a self-esteem thing with the compliments.
Aradia:


Hey Curious!! I don't know why people think I'm 'crazy'... so confusing. Do I give off a vibe or something? :S

:roll:

You crack me up, Aradia.

Yes.
Aradia:


I think, if memory serves me right, you said I am deeply disturbed? or something. I'm not even that bad on here?! *cringe*

That sounds about right.

Aradia:

I..I ..Okay.. *accepts crazy status*

Excellent choice, young Aradia. Get it over with while you're young is my advice. I can rest easier now that I know you'll be here to carry the torch when I'm gone.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 67
Profile assessment required
Posted: 2/11/2015 11:46:06 AM
Can't edit that "roll" , I guess.
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 68
Profile assessment required
Posted: 2/11/2015 12:48:37 PM
Wow John,

What a difference a decent photo makes!!
You're a hottie (no offense or disrespect intended).

Compliments are hard to take for some of us.
I tend to not believe them and reject them.
Sometimes insults the giver...I'm better now at just saying "thank you" and keeping my opinions inside.

I'm INFP
I find it interesting.

Still too many sentences start with "I".


once I've got a reason to go out and someone to go out with I'll be able to do a lot more.
Kind of the opposite of how it works. Well not if you're talking friendships, but yes if you're talking relationships.
And don't put your life on hold as far as getting out.
Do you have friends you get out with? Maybe not crowded social scene, but just a little bit social.
We can compound our issues when we isolate. My depression does that to me.


I see your point on the messaging / meeting timescales and completely agree, however I also think it could be more damaging for me to enter such an environment before I'm ready. Will have to give it a go. How long would you say the average first message to first meeting gap is out of curiosity?
I'll take a stab at that.
Most women will get bored with endless messaging. Perhaps someone more introverted might wait longer, but most are here to meet and date.
Most people say 3-5 quality messages on each side. You could maybe double that?
No hard and fast rules but if it takes more than a week, most people give up.
It could be anybody on the other side of the keyboard, so better to meet up and find out.

Your write up is still lacking warmth and personality.
I can see it in your interactions here. Just need it on the profile.
Dig a little deeper.
 TylerR1-6
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 69
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Posted: 2/11/2015 3:21:43 PM
I think it looks good now. Maybe find a couple more pics. When I get email's, if they just have 1 picture I think "What are they hiding?"
 Forums_only
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 70
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Posted: 2/11/2015 6:25:02 PM
I was deadly serious. You have a beautifully symmetrical face with great bone structure and I'm a sucker for the dark eyes.

From your own comfort level, I can see that you'd probably prefer to message a while first. How are you on the phone? For me, I'd usually exchange messages for a couple of days and, if nothing pervy came up, one of us would invite the other for a meeting. Within a week was my limit. Any more than that was a penpal and I'd move on. But, I'm not exactly your average viewer here, being probably double your target age range... dammit...

Put the other photo back up - it was lovely and shows you get out of your house once in a while.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 71
Profile assessment required
Posted: 2/12/2015 5:53:37 AM
Forums_only:

Put the other photo back up - it was lovely and shows you get out of your house once in a while.

Forums_only is right, KS. I shouldn't have called that a "bad" shot. You need to post that. And you need to get some more pics, right?

And she's right about this, too:

Holy hell you're good looking.

lol. Yep. KS, it's weird walking around for too long in a world where people around you have a very different opinion of you than you do of yourself. Don't let that go on too long, okay? It just gets crazier if you do that.

Good luck.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 72
Profile assessment required
Posted: 2/12/2015 6:35:56 AM
Sigh
"should give you and idea about me"
AN
who instead of whom
You use too many I's so switch it up a bit
Good luck with your re worked profile John :)
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