Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Blue-Eyes-Shine
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 30
view profile
History
I broke up with girlfriend, we still live together, help!Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Ok, you both need to grow up. You want her out, she's packing and leaving, pro rate her rent, start advertising for a new roommate now if the money is that important.

Yes, be there with a friend as she moves out, but stay out of the way.

This really isn't as hard as you and others are making it.
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 31
view profile
History
I broke up with girlfriend, we still live together, help!
Posted: 3/20/2014 12:18:59 AM
Legally you don't have to pro rate her rent, but honestly, I give her whatever she wanted to move her a$$ out.
If she wanted your pots and pans and silverware, give it to her.
YMMV on hanging around the weekend she is leaving. When my ex-wife was moving out the home, I let her have the house for 2 weeks while I was away on a business trip, but I was with her for 16 years, so I trusted her.
I would err on the cautious side and just stay in my bedroom, away from her while she gets her stuff.

You have been handed a serious life lesson. Good luck.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 32
I broke up with girlfriend, we still live together, help!
Posted: 3/20/2014 3:34:28 AM
A few hours after handing her the 30 day notice, she came back to me and said "since you want me out, I'm leaving this weekend. I have a trailer coming on Saturday,

ta-DAAA


Why can't I be around? I asked. "Because I don't want to cry."

gawd does everything she want from you involve sobbing? I don't know this person, but she does not exactly inspire confidence. I might have to be there. on the other hand, being completely somewhere else seems more than a little appealing.


She has this box, a small box in which she keeps all items related to things that her I did together. Ticket stubs, receipts, small objects, etc. She says she is having trouble throwing it away and that she does not want to purge me. Apparently she has a box for everyone she dates while she dates them and then purges the person after breaking up. Basically, she burns bridges. This is bizarre to me, as I am still friends with most of the people I have dated and have never purged anyone, and I don't think I myself have been "purged" by anyone. What is this purging?

feck if I know but won't you be glad when it's over.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 33
I broke up with girlfriend, we still live together, help!
Posted: 3/20/2014 4:24:38 AM
Good luck for the weekend.
Yep I agree have a mate around and if she questions it you can say you are there to help lift things if required.

Try and be as calm and helpful as possible.
If she cries, hand her a box of tissues and grab the nearest box and carry it to the trailer.

If there is a disagreement about who owns what.... if it doesn't really matter to you let her have it. And be gracious about it.

If something important or that belongs to your uncle then you have to stand firm.
Stay sober and alert till it is all over. If it was warm I would suggest sitting outside.
Do you have a garage or carport where you and your mate can pretend to be fixing your car or something.

After she leaves you and your friend can have a party.
And change the locks ASAP after she is gone.

Stay strong.
You will have all of us sending you positive thoughts.

Purging? not sure.
But I know of people who have done odd things like:
Destroy everything. e.g. cut out photos.
Write the person's name on a piece of paper and either burn it or put it in the freezer.
 Hands of gold
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 34
view profile
History
I broke up with girlfriend, we still live together, help!
Posted: 3/20/2014 9:19:24 AM
You forgot to break up when you were breaking up. When you break up, someone moves out. That is the real action of the break up. You are now in this awkward arrangement because you didn't quite follow through.

The fact that she didn't try to find another place yet is a red flag to me. Who hangs around after they break up? I hope she is not going to create a problem for you during her exit. Maybe you can do some apartment shopping for her.
 ktxginger
Joined: 11/11/2013
Msg: 36
I broke up with girlfriend, we still live together, help!
Posted: 3/21/2014 11:59:08 AM
Do NOT leave this weekend. That would be a bad move.

You say she has packed only her stuff, but if you leave while that trailer is coming to get her stuff, she could take anything and everything she wants to and you will have a really hard time of getting it back - if you ever do. It doesn't matter if she cries and that sounds like a really lame excuse to get you out of the house. If she is going to cry, she will do it anyways whether you are there or not.

There are horror stories about people coming home and finding that their ex moved and took everything not nailed down and there was no recourse. Just DON'T LEAVE.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 37
view profile
History
I broke up with girlfriend, we still live together, help!
Posted: 3/21/2014 12:14:06 PM
I am thinking that Op is playing some games here...

The OP starts a thread about getting this crazy woman out of his apartment, that he is so worried about how she will react, she is some wacko that will go off the deep end when he tells her, etc.

Then when she says she is leaving, he tells that she is welcome to stay. WTF?

She asks him for money back as she is clearly not welcome there any more, the Op then says because she didn't give 30 days notice she may not get her deposit back? WTF? The OP is so desperate to get her out but now he tries to give her the gears about not giving the 30 days notice???

Now he is upset and doesn't like that she purges people from her life and doesn't want to be his friend. Again, WTF? Why do you care OP?

I think there is way more going on here than the OP is letting on and that while he has gone to great lengths to paint her a an emotional nut job, I would not be surprised if she had some very interesting input into this whole scenario herself.
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 38
view profile
History
I broke up with girlfriend, we still live together, help!
Posted: 3/21/2014 12:24:47 PM
"This is bizarre to me, as I am still friends with most of the people I have dated and have never purged anyone, and I don't think I myself have been "purged" by anyone. What is this purging?"

Its a symbolic guesture of cutting away and destroying that which has given you pain. Its sort of like a teddy bear mentality. She has placed emotional value on symbolic trinkets. When she gets rid of these its emotionally purging for her in a small way. Thus she feels better.

This type of thinking is often pursued by people who are very hurt. It's also a way to compartmentalize feelings and relations to the point where I would have to say she probably isnt the most open of people.
Let her go, but do stick around while she is moving...just dont be up in her business.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 39
I broke up with girlfriend, we still live together, help!
Posted: 3/21/2014 1:59:07 PM
If you gave her expensive diamond studded jewelry, very expensive perfume, and money, I wonder if she would purge those items.
 naysaying_knicktwist
Joined: 11/19/2009
Msg: 40
I broke up with girlfriend, we still live together, help!
Posted: 3/21/2014 2:47:26 PM
From grizzelda
I am thinking that Op is playing some games here...

The OP starts a thread about getting this crazy woman out of his apartment, that he is so worried about how she will react, she is some wacko that will go off the deep end when he tells her, etc.

Then when she says she is leaving, he tells that she is welcome to stay. WTF?

She asks him for money back as she is clearly not welcome there any more, the Op then says because she didn't give 30 days notice she may not get her deposit back? WTF? The OP is so desperate to get her out but now he tries to give her the gears about not giving the 30 days notice???

Now he is upset and doesn't like that she purges people from her life and doesn't want to be his friend. Again, WTF? Why do you care OP?

I think there is way more going on here than the OP is letting on and that while he has gone to great lengths to paint her a an emotional nut job, I would not be surprised if she had some very interesting input into this whole scenarioherself.


+1
 _babblefish
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 41
I broke up with girlfriend, we still live together, help!
Posted: 3/21/2014 3:55:17 PM

Do NOT leave this weekend. That would be a bad move.


this is good advice, there is always the opportunity for pity sex, call it part of the purging process

O_o
 the_regency
Joined: 12/20/2013
Msg: 42
I broke up with girlfriend, we still live together, help!
Posted: 3/21/2014 4:10:46 PM
Be interesting to hear her side of the story.

Geez I'd leave too, if a guy was so cheap as to ask me to leave and not want to pro-rate the rent. If you ever loved her you would care about her well being as she leaves.

And as a general rule, most healthy individuals do not maintain a friendship with their ex's. That's an issue of lousy boundaries, just like living together after a break-up as you would know. Pay attention, this woman may have something to teach you.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 43
I broke up with girlfriend, we still live together, help!
Posted: 3/21/2014 11:10:05 PM
grizzelda, I'm with you on this one.

I am thinking that Op is playing some games here...


There are too many contradictions,
OP, YOU wrote;


But for some reason, I feel that I would be upset if she did have sex with these guys she is having over. I am confusing myself. I am for sure done, I do not want to date her, but yet I feel that other men cannot sleep with her. At least not in my house!


Ok I get it would be a bit weird but OP, why should you care?


I am going to give her 60 days notice to move out.


She is on a month-to-month lease and I will be serving her a 60 day notice.


She did pay rent, since that is the arrangement that was made with my family.


I have handed her a 30 day notice


A few hours after handing her the 30 day notice, she came back to me and said "since you want me out, I'm leaving this weekend. I have a trailer coming on Saturday, please don't be around." ... I said that I gave her 30 day notice, she is welcome to stay, I am not kicking her out, just ending the lease like a lease normally would end. Nope, she claims to be leaving as soon as possible.


WTF AGAIN? "She is welcome to stay, I am not kicking her out"
YES YOU ARE!
WTF OP, You say you will give a 60 day notice but then you give a 30 day notice. You want her gone but

She asked for pro rated rent since she is leaving early. I said probably not. Technically she could lose her deposit for not announcing a 30 day intent to vacate.

Sheesh OP, make up your F'N mind.You wrote, "just ending the lease like a lease normally would end".

Yah, I am more than curious to know HER side of this sob story!
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 44
view profile
History
I broke up with girlfriend, we still live together, help!
Posted: 3/21/2014 11:46:40 PM
OP, sixty days notice is very generous. You need to completely seperate from her with a quickness that would make a light particle say "...damn!" You know what you got to do.
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 46
view profile
History
I broke up with girlfriend, we still live together, help!
Posted: 3/22/2014 5:16:16 AM
Don't sweat it OP. Most of us get it. I have myself been in the exact same situation as you, however it was with an ex-gf I've been with for 4 years, not just a few months. So I know your reasoning for trying to be nice.
Some would have said I "blind sided" her when I broke up also, but it was slowly happening for months before I finally pulled the plug on it.
She moved out that weekend, stayed with her sister and I also helped her with two months rent in her new place.
The only think I think you were being silly about was the pro-rated rent thing.
You should have let it go, give her the cash, anything to get her out your place.

Live and learn.
 the_regency
Joined: 12/20/2013
Msg: 47
I broke up with girlfriend, we still live together, help!
Posted: 3/22/2014 8:47:25 PM
If you appreciate advice then give her the entire month rent back and her deposit. You said she didn't see it coming and she may not be financially prepared. Be the gentleman taking the high road and help her out.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 49
I broke up with girlfriend, we still live together, help!
Posted: 3/23/2014 8:02:43 AM
It's situations like this that reinforces my belief that it's rarely a good idea to have a girlfriend move into a guy's house and vice versa. If a guy and woman want to cohabitate, the best solution is to get a place together that becomes "our" place instead of his place or her place. Otherwise, you always have a landlord-tenant type of situation, where the owner can evict their partner if things get rocky, or a worse case, where the "tenant" goes after half of the house if they break up and he/she was living in their partner's house for a significant amount of time. A person can try to minimize that chance by getting a pre-nup before moving in together, but that's a whole other topic.
 wooweewoo13
Joined: 7/7/2013
Msg: 50
I broke up with girlfriend, we still live together, help!
Posted: 3/23/2014 8:20:29 AM
Very wierd....exactly why i dont move in or visa versa.....lol
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 51
view profile
History
I broke up with girlfriend, we still live together, help!
Posted: 3/23/2014 9:21:29 AM
I don't understand your need to keep her money. Did she damage anything? Why do you think she owes you for more than the length she stayed there?
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 52
I broke up with girlfriend, we still live together, help!
Posted: 3/23/2014 9:59:09 AM
I understand people breaking up, that is a given.

OP, did you two have a talk when she moved in what would happen if things didn't work out? Obviously she left where she was at so that is a huge undertaking for her. We don't know those things and yes, it still doesn't change the fact that you want out which is fine. But there is more to this story then the 30 day notice thing.

For me, if I want to move in with someone or someone move in with me, I would have a trial time as far as keeping both places for a while and live totally together and see if things "change" when living under one roof. Did you both do that? And if not, did you talk about it?

For the little you have said, 60 days would be a minimum amount of time to let her find a place. You may legally be able to toss her out in 30 days but she moved in with you! If it were her place, I would think she do the exact same thing. But again, we don't know how the moving in went as far as "the talk" etc etc.

You owe her a pro rated amount of the rent, whether you legally have to or not. To even bring that up and say how bad you feel and yet say no way is she getting a prorated amount back, speaks volumes like others have said of this sounding very strange!

One last thing that I would side with you if you did it would be I would have told her no way in hell is she to have guys over to your place after seeing this isn't going to work out. That is total BS and I wonder if you actually did anything about that to begin with. Obviously you didn't because she had a guy over there more then once. That is all on you.

Like I say and others, this story is fishy.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 53
I broke up with girlfriend, we still live together, help!
Posted: 3/23/2014 10:07:14 AM
Hmmm............ it is now Sunday.
?The day after?

OK OP just curious. Did you get the "help!" you were seeking here?
 the_regency
Joined: 12/20/2013
Msg: 55
I broke up with girlfriend, we still live together, help!
Posted: 3/24/2014 11:14:29 PM
Congrats SaavyTravelerMan, you handled the situation very well! Hopefully she doesn't stalk you. Good luck!
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 56
I broke up with girlfriend, we still live together, help!
Posted: 3/25/2014 2:45:12 AM
Well done.

Congratulations.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 57
view profile
History
I broke up with girlfriend, we still live together, help!
Posted: 3/25/2014 5:20:06 PM
See, now the psycho part really comes out, be sure she didn't booby trap anything. She sounds like a 12 year old with problems, so I'm glad she seems to have moved out with no real problems. But I wasn't suggesting you give her money she doesn't have coming, if she's damaged things then she should cover them.

Not that you asked, but my advice now is to never contact her again other than to give her money, and don't play let's be friends or feel sorry for her, etc. No contact, she seems to not be all that well balanced, she does not seem like someone you should be wanting to hear from again. Don't be the nice guy, or any of that bunk just to keep in contact. Let her move on by not playing her games.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 58
view profile
History
I broke up with girlfriend, we still live together, help!
Posted: 3/25/2014 6:10:44 PM
Like Daynadaze said. Absolutely no contact. Be prepared though for the inevitable late night drunken "I love you" call. Also like another poster said. Be very careful, this is the time for the most drama to happen. Take extra precautions.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >