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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?      Home login  
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 Westernguy
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 26
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
For me , the bottom line is she " blew up " rather than discuss how she felt about it like a rational adult.

I say good riddance !



Westernguy
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 27
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Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/28/2014 10:23:52 AM
3 weeks in and you are declaring your love search over? I'd bolt to.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 28
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/28/2014 11:15:02 AM
I don't think you did d ick wrong. I would have placed a similar message. And if she decided to nit pick and give it interpretations, I would put her on the spot and ask her how she felt about the relationship right then. We all say things that come across as meaning something else. And people, particularly some women, can be total drama queens about everything.

"Wow, those jeans do look good on you."
"Is that mean that you do not like how my other pants look on me?"

I've seen variations of the above scenario happen a million times before.

So, I believe you just dodged a bullet. She would have found any excuse to end the relationship.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 29
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Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/28/2014 11:46:15 AM
Not a match, nobody has to be the bad guy here, it just simply ran it's course and for whatever reason she didn't like your report to the women of POF.

Unless you plan on changing something about yourself, based on what she didn't like about you, why would you care why she broke up with you? She lost interest, move on.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 30
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/28/2014 12:13:13 PM
People dump people for all kinds of reasons, some just plain bizarre or absurd. A common thread with a lot of online daters complaining about their 'dumpings' is that they have confidently nailed it down to ONE specific reason, when the truth is, you really don't know. My advice to the OP is don't dwell on finding one reason, because it will be different for every woman, every situation. Hunting for one bad trait doesn't work - one ladies' "junk" is anothers' treasure. keep your outlook positive, look ahead and above all, stay confident.
 KidInTheHall
Joined: 2/23/2014
Msg: 31
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/28/2014 12:17:39 PM
Yeah the message strikes me as a bad idea. I'm talking with a woman that I'm wanting to focus on now and I've just hidden my profile completely. I'd rather take the chance that someone nice can't see my profile as opposed to her seeing it and thinking I'm still looking.
 KidInTheHall
Joined: 2/23/2014
Msg: 32
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/28/2014 1:39:26 PM
^ I do agree with that cause I'd imagine if she really wanted the relationship she could have just asked why it was worded like it was and probably could have squashed in like 2 minutes.
 Onceblumoon
Joined: 3/8/2014
Msg: 33
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/28/2014 7:34:03 PM
If she was really into you, OP, I don't think your message or any other profile deleting/hiding logistics or details could have so effectively derailed an otherwise promising relationship. If she was really into you, then I think you two would have had a more involved conversation about it all (more than what can be inferred from your post, anyway -- we weren't there, so who knows what you two said to each other about this)... and neither of you would have allowed this issue to become such a large one for you guys.

Someone on a different dating site asked me a while ago, "why are you single?" Hmm.... "because my last relationship ended," I replied. As another poster said, relationships end all the time, routinely. That is especially true of embryonic relationships. For whatever reason, this issue about your "billboard" may have simply been the match to light all the other issues that she may have had as she weighed whether you two were suitable for each other. And, people find a reason to do the things they want to do, and if they can't find one, they'll make one up to justify to themselves the action they would like to take. So early in a relationship, when there is so little investment of time, emotion, and attachment, almost any bump in the road can become the end of the line. Don't fret about it.

You had a promising start. Now you're disappointed. Go message some of those other great women on POF who you mentioned in your billboard, and NEXT TIME, remember ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS (so just hide your profile if you really want to get out of the game, or delete it) and the best thing to say about dating profiles is nothing at all, until you are both on the same page.
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 34
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2014 1:06:25 AM
Goodness, what an array of responses.. who can read who? lol.

I'm kinda curious, how did she 'blow up' exactly?
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 35
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Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2014 4:10:41 AM

You could have hidden or deleted your profile, there was no need for this little announcement.

^^^^^^That or changed e mail settings to "must be 98 to 99 years old" for a while until he saw if things were going to "work out".
That would have stopped the bombardment of e mails and subtly let her know you arent currently looking, but you had to take out an ad, so to speak.
It's flipping ODD at best to make such an announcement as if you have women bombarding you and he not being sure about this woman made public. Very poor taste.


I'm kinda curious, how did she 'blow up' exactly?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I see a suicide bomb strapped to her waist now..kaboom!!
Did she slam your head into a glass coffee table or just tell you that she thinks you are an azz?
We all know women that do the rejecting are called crazy or they "BLEW UP", blah blah..
Did she not use her indoor voice?

Me thinks, you think a LOT of yourself.
She obviously isn't/wasn't that impressed after getting to know you.

Learn from it.
When you really meet someone you are crazy about and are not* really* wanting e mails from other women,
use your head for more than a hat rack.
 irishgirl772
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 36
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2014 7:02:10 AM
^^^I suspect the OP is exaggerating about the 'she blew up' part. She was probably more annoyed/upset and told him to get lost.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 37
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2014 7:22:04 AM
The OP put a declaration on his profile saying he isn't currently looking and the girl he's dating said she isn't removing her profile and there's no mention of her wanting to change her status on it. There's a lot in-between facts not being mentioned that would clarify what really happened that would make her "blow up"-which usually happens when only hearing one side of the story. Otherwise, she should be happy that he did something like that instead of just leaving it as is, to appear he's still available. Thanking all of the women he met on this site is pretty corny, but it shouldn't be a deal breaker.
 chill78
Joined: 10/13/2013
Msg: 38
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2014 7:50:53 AM
The OP could have worded it differently. But if that bothered her, they could have had a discussion about what was written in his profile and where things stand with them. It is also possible she lost interest for some other reason and this was a convenient excuse.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 39
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2014 7:53:34 AM
I think the relationship was doomed anyway. Your profile change was the spark that caused the break. Over all it's a minor thing. If that happened to me I would think she was a flake for getting that upset about it.

If I were into a woman and she wrote that on her profile after 3 weeks, no doubt it would make me uncomfortable. But not enough to break up with her over it.

However it would start me looking at whether she is too needy or insecure in some way. Everyone has minor flaws or just differences in how they think, so it just depends on how serious that was. I wouldn't take it as anything major.

My wife still has a dating profile in Asia, I had mine active even 1 year after getting married. I changed it to married not looking for a few months, but still would get MSGs wanting contact if I logged onto the dating site. Logging in would show I recently logged in. Either the women didn't care I was married or didn't read the profile. Recently I deleted the profile because I didn't want to have women disappointed over no one answering their MSGs. It wasn't many MSG, maybe 1-2 each time after logging on.

For me I got kind of a minor ego boost from getting attention and checking profiles. Not the most mature reason, but it is what it is. My wife left her's up because she was looking for a BF for her sister.

Neither one of us cared about the profiles. When we were dating and serious, she gave me her password for the dating site, her email, her checking account, I guess to reassure me. Though I never checked her MSGs or any other account. I didn't give her any passwords, but when we got serious I did give her a credit card that I was responsible for in her name. I was thinking she might need this to if she were to travel without me. A lot more serious that any profile BS, but I trusted her.

I see people blow up over little things, but it's a either a tenuous relationship or they are flakes, likely both.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 40
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2014 7:54:07 AM
Not sure why you had to write the profile saying you had found someone and thanks to all. That doesn't make sense

She wanted to be exclusive after only 3 dates, that doesn't make sense and then on top of that, she tells you not to delete your profile because she isn't yet. HUH??

Probably the best advice is to take it slow the next person you like and see where it goes before all the exclusive talk
 Sun4Some2
Joined: 2/18/2014
Msg: 41
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2014 9:01:44 AM
Anyhow... getting rid of the so-called offensive declaration is a simple, easy fix... nothing to be mad about IMO.

The new profile statement looks good too.
Hopefully you two are back on track and things are going well.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 42
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2014 9:48:27 AM
Forget about her. Put up pictures and a regular about me, then un-hide your profile. I agree with those who said you dodged a bullet.

What you wrote sounds well-meaning. Only for the women with whom you were having conversations when you decided to focus on one woman? No reason to keep that same text up for another six weeks. Unless you were trying to show new girls they should want you because other girls met you, which I doubt was your M.O.

As many others already said, "for the time being" is the most likely suspect.

The sentence about "women read us better than we give credit" is awful. First, many women have bad pickers; many create delusions. They imagine things that aren't there. They think someone they never met is great, then if he doesn't call or message within 24 hours, she gets mad and answers other guys while on the rebound. Then the first guy eventually contacts her again and she ends contact with those other guys. Or she sees he's online and assumes he's conversing with other gals (as if he's not allowed to look at other profiles or communicate with anyone else).

How would you know how much credit any other man gives women for reading us? If anything, we give them too much credit. We might think they understand us or recognize compatibility, when in reality she likes some superficial thing about us.

That sentence probably has nothing to do with why she exploded, but it's lame and wussy, "you women are so smart and wise while all we men are dumb and clueless". On the bright side, the lame sentence probably helped you achieve your objective of no other women on this site bothering you.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 43
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2014 10:44:33 AM
I have dated several men from POF, for 6 weeks up to 7 months. The first time I dated a man for 7 months, he and I deleted our profiles, after the first month of dating. When we broke up, I signed up for POF again, and I also became active in the Forums.
This info is included in my profile. I have made it very clear to anyone I've met and /or date, I like interacting in the Forums ( as do other Forum users) and I'm not going to delete my profile, or pay to be an upgraded member just to hide my profile, just because I may choose to date one man exclusively.
There are many in POF , who are single, separated, dating exclusively, living with a partner or married. POF allows this. The assumption is that the intent of POF is ONLY for those seeking a relationship, (LOL any kind of relationship, one night to a lifetime)
I am honest with my situation/my intent on POF. I'm currently dating one man. HIS profile states "I've meet a special woman on this site. I'm not looking to meet anyone at this time." MY profile states "Updated 03/08/14 ATTENTION: I'M HERE TO INTERACT IN THE POF FORUMS ONLY I am NOT free, NOT available to meet anyone. I will respond to messages from those who are regular Forum posters or Looking For "Friends" only."

Op, I didn't see the part where she changed the info in her profile? Perhaps some assumptions were made? At any rate as others have mentioned, I suspect there was more going here, and better now to bite the bullet than later.
Learn and move on!
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 44
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2014 10:55:33 AM
She just wasn't as into you as you her & ended it, instead of stringing you along, after reading what you'd written.

Do you really need enlightenment after she told you outright that she wasn't at that stage to delete her profile? Even Ray Charles could see this coming.
 April1963
Joined: 6/7/2013
Msg: 45
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2014 11:05:26 AM
speaking of explosion:


The sentence about "women read us better than we give credit" is awful. First, many women have bad pickers;many create delusions. They imagine things that aren't there. They think someone they never met is great, then if he doesn't call or message within 24 hours, she gets mad and answers other guys while on the rebound. Then the first guy eventually contacts her again and she ends contact with those other guys. Or she sees he's online and assumes he's conversing with other gals (as if he's not allowed to look at other profiles or communicate with anyone else).
How would you know how much credit any other man gives women for reading us? If anything, we give them too much credit. We might think they understand us or recognize compatibility, when in reality she likes some superficial thing about us.



You feel better now?

My Goodness!.......... Your welcome.!!

OP,
No one is to blame, None of you were ready for a serious relationship.!
 TOaks91360
Joined: 11/22/2013
Msg: 46
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2014 11:55:20 AM
You probably came across to her as a dating slut. Some women don't want to hear how much dating experience you've had. She might have thought that you had options and she was being pushed to ask YOU for exclusiveness?

The fact that she didn't want to delete her profile says she wasn't ready to be exclusive. You may have projected what you thought she wanted to hear and she interpreted that as a guy that was desperate for something, either sex or a relationship.

It sounds like you passive aggressively asked for exclusivity by telling her you wrote that statement? You should have just asked to be exclusive. But then again, some women would be turned off by the timing of that request too.

In the end, take her reaction as an aggressive rejection to your passive aggressive request to ask her to be exclusive.

Seriously, she's just not that into you.
 DaisyDotes
Joined: 2/6/2014
Msg: 47
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2014 8:07:15 AM
FFS!!! Most women are not looking for a serial dater "for the time being".

You should take your own advice:
"need to take a longer look at what they are presenting to women."

You need to take a longer look at what you wrote too. It just doesn't sound right. I would've kicked you to the curb too.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 48
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2014 11:05:31 AM
Remember when you said you were going to delete your profile, and she said she wasn't ready... There's your hint. You weren't her boyfriend, you never were. There was no relationship.

She was just waiting for an excuse, and she found one.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 49
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Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2014 1:16:52 PM
It's an incompatibility.

Your phrases aren't triggers to me; they would have reassured me. Obviously they were trigger words for her indicating incompatibility in relationships/world view/communication. Something.
Does it really matter to exactly id the specific bits?

(heck, it seems to me at 3 or 6 weeks we're all doing the "for the time being, while we get to know each other, see how it grows" thing - only difference is how willing or comfortable people are with living it).

In my experience, it is rarely 'the last thing'. Far too simplistic.
The last thing is just the last item in a series of 'things' that revealed incompatibility.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 50
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Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2014 1:48:29 PM
^^^^^^^^^
Where the heck have YOU been, SPAIN?
Nice to see ya Margo!!


It's an incompatibility.

^^^^^^Short, sweet and to the point.
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