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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?      Home login  
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 Sun4Some2
Joined: 2/18/2014
Msg: 41
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Anyhow... getting rid of the so-called offensive declaration is a simple, easy fix... nothing to be mad about IMO.

The new profile statement looks good too.
Hopefully you two are back on track and things are going well.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 42
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2014 9:48:27 AM
Forget about her. Put up pictures and a regular about me, then un-hide your profile. I agree with those who said you dodged a bullet.

What you wrote sounds well-meaning. Only for the women with whom you were having conversations when you decided to focus on one woman? No reason to keep that same text up for another six weeks. Unless you were trying to show new girls they should want you because other girls met you, which I doubt was your M.O.

As many others already said, "for the time being" is the most likely suspect.

The sentence about "women read us better than we give credit" is awful. First, many women have bad pickers; many create delusions. They imagine things that aren't there. They think someone they never met is great, then if he doesn't call or message within 24 hours, she gets mad and answers other guys while on the rebound. Then the first guy eventually contacts her again and she ends contact with those other guys. Or she sees he's online and assumes he's conversing with other gals (as if he's not allowed to look at other profiles or communicate with anyone else).

How would you know how much credit any other man gives women for reading us? If anything, we give them too much credit. We might think they understand us or recognize compatibility, when in reality she likes some superficial thing about us.

That sentence probably has nothing to do with why she exploded, but it's lame and wussy, "you women are so smart and wise while all we men are dumb and clueless". On the bright side, the lame sentence probably helped you achieve your objective of no other women on this site bothering you.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 43
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2014 10:44:33 AM
I have dated several men from POF, for 6 weeks up to 7 months. The first time I dated a man for 7 months, he and I deleted our profiles, after the first month of dating. When we broke up, I signed up for POF again, and I also became active in the Forums.
This info is included in my profile. I have made it very clear to anyone I've met and /or date, I like interacting in the Forums ( as do other Forum users) and I'm not going to delete my profile, or pay to be an upgraded member just to hide my profile, just because I may choose to date one man exclusively.
There are many in POF , who are single, separated, dating exclusively, living with a partner or married. POF allows this. The assumption is that the intent of POF is ONLY for those seeking a relationship, (LOL any kind of relationship, one night to a lifetime)
I am honest with my situation/my intent on POF. I'm currently dating one man. HIS profile states "I've meet a special woman on this site. I'm not looking to meet anyone at this time." MY profile states "Updated 03/08/14 ATTENTION: I'M HERE TO INTERACT IN THE POF FORUMS ONLY I am NOT free, NOT available to meet anyone. I will respond to messages from those who are regular Forum posters or Looking For "Friends" only."

Op, I didn't see the part where she changed the info in her profile? Perhaps some assumptions were made? At any rate as others have mentioned, I suspect there was more going here, and better now to bite the bullet than later.
Learn and move on!
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 44
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2014 10:55:33 AM
She just wasn't as into you as you her & ended it, instead of stringing you along, after reading what you'd written.

Do you really need enlightenment after she told you outright that she wasn't at that stage to delete her profile? Even Ray Charles could see this coming.
 April1963
Joined: 6/7/2013
Msg: 45
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2014 11:05:26 AM
speaking of explosion:


The sentence about "women read us better than we give credit" is awful. First, many women have bad pickers;many create delusions. They imagine things that aren't there. They think someone they never met is great, then if he doesn't call or message within 24 hours, she gets mad and answers other guys while on the rebound. Then the first guy eventually contacts her again and she ends contact with those other guys. Or she sees he's online and assumes he's conversing with other gals (as if he's not allowed to look at other profiles or communicate with anyone else).
How would you know how much credit any other man gives women for reading us? If anything, we give them too much credit. We might think they understand us or recognize compatibility, when in reality she likes some superficial thing about us.



You feel better now?

My Goodness!.......... Your welcome.!!

OP,
No one is to blame, None of you were ready for a serious relationship.!
 TOaks91360
Joined: 11/22/2013
Msg: 46
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/29/2014 11:55:20 AM
You probably came across to her as a dating slut. Some women don't want to hear how much dating experience you've had. She might have thought that you had options and she was being pushed to ask YOU for exclusiveness?

The fact that she didn't want to delete her profile says she wasn't ready to be exclusive. You may have projected what you thought she wanted to hear and she interpreted that as a guy that was desperate for something, either sex or a relationship.

It sounds like you passive aggressively asked for exclusivity by telling her you wrote that statement? You should have just asked to be exclusive. But then again, some women would be turned off by the timing of that request too.

In the end, take her reaction as an aggressive rejection to your passive aggressive request to ask her to be exclusive.

Seriously, she's just not that into you.
 DaisyDotes
Joined: 2/6/2014
Msg: 47
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2014 8:07:15 AM
FFS!!! Most women are not looking for a serial dater "for the time being".

You should take your own advice:
"need to take a longer look at what they are presenting to women."

You need to take a longer look at what you wrote too. It just doesn't sound right. I would've kicked you to the curb too.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 48
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2014 11:05:31 AM
Remember when you said you were going to delete your profile, and she said she wasn't ready... There's your hint. You weren't her boyfriend, you never were. There was no relationship.

She was just waiting for an excuse, and she found one.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 49
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History
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2014 1:16:52 PM
It's an incompatibility.

Your phrases aren't triggers to me; they would have reassured me. Obviously they were trigger words for her indicating incompatibility in relationships/world view/communication. Something.
Does it really matter to exactly id the specific bits?

(heck, it seems to me at 3 or 6 weeks we're all doing the "for the time being, while we get to know each other, see how it grows" thing - only difference is how willing or comfortable people are with living it).

In my experience, it is rarely 'the last thing'. Far too simplistic.
The last thing is just the last item in a series of 'things' that revealed incompatibility.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 50
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History
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2014 1:48:29 PM
^^^^^^^^^
Where the heck have YOU been, SPAIN?
Nice to see ya Margo!!


It's an incompatibility.

^^^^^^Short, sweet and to the point.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 51
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 3/30/2014 1:55:27 PM
Heel Friendly Height- You were ahead of her with how strong your feelings were and your announcement freaked her out and she bolted.
If you meet someone else, learn a lesson from this.
COMMUNICATE, talk with the person you are with about your feelings for one another. Being open and honest goes a long way.
DON"T make another public declaration on your profile page. Just delete your profile, you can always repost it if things don't work out.
 greatblah
Joined: 11/14/2012
Msg: 52
view profile
History
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 4/4/2014 10:21:53 AM
Sounds like she might be thermal nuclear (ie.: bad for your health), but there's a very good chance I'm completely wrong.
 RedrockJen
Joined: 3/27/2014
Msg: 53
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 4/5/2014 7:55:48 PM
Who waits nine weeks before looking to see if the person they met and are now dating still has an active profile? Come on. She saw the message before then. She just used it as her easy exit.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 54
Enlighten me: Why did this message cause her to end the relationship?
Posted: 4/9/2014 7:55:36 AM
OP
Yeah, I know you are gone(at leat under that ID)
I think it falls into the "doth protest too much" category.
That and the "for the time being" phrase.
There are only a million other things you could have done(hidden the profile, switched to NS/NL, put up an extremely narrow and/or ridiculous email filter.
Cindy O
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