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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and othe      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 NCGuy28269
Joined: 8/29/2012
Msg: 23
Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?Page 3 of 2    (1, 2)
@Gtomustang,

The car she has she's had for about 5 years now, just paid it off. She got it before they got married, yet still against his plans. She had a running car, not the best looking one on the road but she traded it to CarMax and they only gave her $50 for it. I told her if that's all they were offering her then she should have kept it to have a back up car just in case her new one needed to go to the shop. Granted, a 2004 Mountaineer may not seem like your dream car but who knows why this guy wanted this car. If memory serves me correctly I think she said that he just wanted an SUV that was paid for so he didn't have any car payments. And as far as typing this all out, how do you expect to get descent answers without some details.
 NCGuy28269
Joined: 8/29/2012
Msg: 24
Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?
Posted: 3/31/2014 4:44:24 PM

Do you think it helps the situation if her husband found out she's telling co-workers-and who knows who else-that her husband is an a-hole?


Why does he have to be the a-hole in this situation? From all the replies given, I don't think that one person has said that he's the one being the jerk. Why should he have to give up his car simply because she just wants to drive it for the day? And as far as listening to a co-worker we all have that one person who seems to come in to work and from time to time tell us something about a problem they're having. I highly doubt it if any of us would openly tell a co-worker "I don't want to hear it today." We may sit and nod our head or agree with the co-worker but to tell them to piss off and go tell someone else I can't see that happening. We talk on breaks ad at lunch. Our cubes are next to each other. We're friends but she's not listening to me when I tell her to leave this man and his car alone. It's his to use and loan out. Just because she's his wife doesn't mean she's entitled to what's his.
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 25
Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?
Posted: 3/31/2014 4:59:50 PM
OP...you came in here with questions and you got answers. You won't always get the answer(s) you are seeking.
But in reality, this is not about car/cars. It's about a disfunctional relationship, of which you are only hearing her side and none of his side. It's also none of your concern and you are not a rescuer. Why do you feel you need to get in the middle of their business, and how would he feel knowing his business is now forum fodder. If wouldn't hurt to back off from this juvenile mess and MYOB.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 26
Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?
Posted: 3/31/2014 5:10:41 PM

Why does he have to be the a-hole in this situation? From all the replies given, I don't think that one person has said that he's the one being the jerk.


You're misinterpreting what was written. What I said is HIS WIFE thinks he's being an a-hole for not going along with her plans to drive his truck and SHE is describing him as such. I'm on his side. I never put him down. If you were to read the post again, it's very clearly stated as such.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 27
Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?
Posted: 3/31/2014 5:14:35 PM

I wouldn't be handing over the keys to my vehicle because someone was having a hissy fit, not bloody likely (it's not just men who love their cars).

Amen, girl. I'm not a fan of anyone driving my truck because it's my truck. If someone has their own vehicle and they want to drive something - that's what their vehicle is for. If they want to drive something different then they need to buy something different. Period.

If we take my truck somewhere together, I drive it. If we take his vehicle somewhere together, he drives it - the only time that may change is that one has been drinking and it's safer for the other to drive - but even that can be decided before the night begins.

OMG! If a friend of mine told me this tale of woe, I would slap them up the side of the head to bring them back to reality. What is she ... 12!

If she wants a better or different car, let her earn the money to buy it with!

Exactly.

Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?

I vote for the latter, but then again I'm not married...I think there are things that you should be able to have and/or do separately.
 Onceblumoon
Joined: 3/8/2014
Msg: 28
Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?
Posted: 3/31/2014 5:30:08 PM
First thought: I'm so glad I'm not married to either one of these infants.

Second thought: OP, you are way too invested in this situation. These two obviously have their on-going his/mine/ours wars, from which on some level they get a thrill (or something).

As to your question, "do married couples share everything?" -- Every couple negotiates and sometimes renegotiates the rules that govern their relationship, how they will deal with money, etc. (Sometimes each partner makes assumptions rather than communicating -- this often leads to resentments and problems.) What these two have chosen isn't what I would choose, but even so they seem to be handling it all with a minimum of maturity.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 29
Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?
Posted: 3/31/2014 5:31:59 PM
My wife and I share things more than most couples. But I think everyone should have their own things to be in charge of. Like one's own money that you can spend as you see fit. I don't have any affection for my car, but I thinks it's simpler for everyone to drive their own car.

I agree with most, the woman is being unreasonable and childish.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 30
view profile
History
Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?
Posted: 3/31/2014 5:37:12 PM
I'm sorry, but I have become skeptical that any of the MANY dramatic, involved, and wild stories, all of which happen to this OP, or to "friends," or "family members."

It's almost as though someone is using the forums to audition as a "reality show" scriptwriter.

On the off chance there IS even a tiny validity to all these stories.. the answer to this one is simple:

It's none of the Op's business.

And one more reason to think "troll:" there is no rational reason for anyone to come to a forum, to find out what their own OPINION ought to be.

Nuff said.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 31
Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?
Posted: 3/31/2014 6:58:03 PM

I'm sorry, but I have become skeptical that any of the MANY dramatic, involved, and wild stories, all of which happen to this OP, or to "friends," or "family members."

It's almost as though someone is using the forums to audition as a "reality show"


I agree, it strikes me as BS, for what reason, who knows?
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 32
view profile
History
Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?
Posted: 3/31/2014 9:54:45 PM
Assuming this is real:

to me the most telling line in the whole first posting was the fact that hubby is getting older and having difficulty getting in and out of the littler vehicle. Gee whiz, can I identify with that. I like my truck. I step up, more or less, in to the cab, I don't have to bend over, duck my head. I don't have to scrunch up, scrunch down, maneuver in a small space, etc. And I fit.
Son's mom (still, I believe) drives a Subaru forester. I had to get down to get in. the seat was low. Relatively comfortable but not my cup of tea.

I can picture the hubby in this scenario cringing thinking about squeezing himself into "her" car. If wifey had any affection for hubby she would see that. Instead, all I heard was I wanna I wanna I wanna.
yeah, I see D.I.V.O.R.C.E. down the road as well.

The so-sign issue: OP said couple has been together 12 years. Seemingly shacking up for much of that, I presume. Why is dad co-signing? Yeah, control issues with selfishness.

TK
[damn, stories like these make son's mom look good]
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 33
Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?
Posted: 4/1/2014 3:52:25 AM
9/4/2012


Full time employment as well as full time college courses at night, so my dating life tends to be null and void.



9/11/2012

I'm unemployed right now and money is tight for me but I will sacrifice $27 to honor our grandma.


I have a question OP.

In your posting history, in one post you say you are full time employed and a college student, 7 days later you are unemployed and can't afford $27.

My question, why do you do this?
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 34
view profile
History
Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?
Posted: 4/1/2014 5:26:21 AM
Like Igor has already pointed out, this poster has a long history of threads that revolve around his toxic, power struggle of a relationship.

Anyone remember the "Umbrella" issue he had where they started fighting outside church? Classic, I guess things haven't changed at all....
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 35
Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?
Posted: 4/1/2014 5:38:28 AM
Being partnered up sure brings up some weird scenarios, especially when it comes to sharing. Once, while with the ex, I remember her not being so happy about me bringing home another lady friend, and sharing was quickly thrown out the back door. No worries though, I got my share, the ex just did without.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 36
Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?
Posted: 4/1/2014 5:51:51 AM
Yikes, it should be obvious that a certain amount of individuality needs to be maintained in any relationship.....including marriage. There are YOUR things, MY things and OUR things.............and I wouldn't want to loose my sense of self by sharing certain items that I felt were mine exclusively.

Like my toothbrush..............absolutely no sharing is allowed, otherwise my personal bacteria will attack without warning, LOL.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 37
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History
Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?
Posted: 4/1/2014 6:22:12 AM
A mans car is an extension of himself? LOL So I guess that makes my man a gas guzzler?
Why would you even invole yourself in a married couples arguments? Every couple is different, not everyone argues about petty bullsh1t.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 38
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History
Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?
Posted: 4/1/2014 6:47:01 AM
The vehicles are a proxy for their power struggle: they will either sort out the power struggle OR divorce. The power struggle in relationships is almost always the conflicts around defining personal autonomy and relating as a couple. Humans have 2 primary needs: autonomy and connection. Each individual has to find their balance in life and each couple has to find a balance. And, because relationships are as dynamic as the people in them, this balance is fluid meaning one is never ever balanced (static) - rather a constant state of balancing. Balancing is really just another way of saying 'relating'.

Fundamentally they are attempting to define who they are as people and a couple . Nothing to do with cars, toilet paper roll hanging direction, or any of the other proxies for "who I am as an individual" and "where is 'me' in this relationship" and "how do we operate/organize as a couple".

At this moment they are defining the wedge that, unresolved, will develop into the crack that blows it wide open.
The SUV is a powerful symbol - and they're entrenched on this as the proxy for their relationship and autonomy.

Wild-azzed speculation based on nothing:
For her: It is likely she wants proof of belonging/caring - and she's somehow determined "If you really loved me you would let me take your SUV" or "Your Autonomy threatens My sense of Belonging (relationship)"

For her: SUV a proxy for the sharing/caring/belonging. ONLY a symbol because it matters significantly to him.

For him: He needs a sense of autonomy in the relationship - he sacrificed his own wants (vehicle) for the greater good of the relationship (hhld bills) for a period of time and now?

For him: SUV is his autonomy - he is a person as well as a couple. It may well be it is a symbol of personal achievement, sacrifice, security. There's heart in this purchase - and he's somehow determined "I've earned this, it is my achievement and you want to take it away" or "Your Need to Belong threatens My Need for a sense of Autonomy within this relationship"

For him: SUV a proxy for Autonomy (personal achievement/sacrifice)

Quite often people can't see how they've got it lined up. Because she needs connection, she can't get his need for autonomy.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 39
Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?
Posted: 4/1/2014 12:26:42 PM
In my experience, a women who suddenly suggests using a guy's vehicle -- it's usually because theirs is making some creepy scary rattling noise - probably because they haven't changed the oil since last November - and they want the guy to 'break it' when he's behind the wheel so he feels compelled to fix it.

Guy - "What the hell did you do to your car?!?"
Gal - "I haven't done ANYTHING to it."
Guy - "EXACTLY."
Gal - "Well, it broke when YOU were driving it..."
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 40
Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?
Posted: 4/1/2014 1:17:45 PM
There's an easy solution to problem if she leaves for work first (and if the story is accurate). The guy should get a remote starter for his truck and not tell his wife, then say to her: "Go ahead Honey. Take the truck if you want". Wait for her to get into the truck, start it up, then the husband uses the remote to shut it off. After doing this 3 or 4 times, she will come in and say to her husband: "I can't get the truck to start. It keeps stalling out". And the husband will say "I never had a problem starting it. It must be something you're doing wrong. You might as well take your own car."
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 41
Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?
Posted: 4/1/2014 2:01:16 PM
^^An easier solution would be to just her to take her own car or stay home.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 42
Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?
Posted: 4/1/2014 2:46:11 PM
nsguy28269- She get's your point, she just doesn't want to hear it. She sounds like an immature control freak.
He went without a car for a year while daddy cosigned for her to get one, behind his back no less.
Yep, divorce court is in the future.
I would strongly advice you not to discuss this with her anymore.
It's a slippery slope, getting involved in a co workers personal life.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 43
Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?
Posted: 4/1/2014 6:57:37 PM
Some married couples share everything and some don't.......go figure!

Now my former husband and I were one of those couples that shared everything. But I must say.....I looked better in his shirts than he did in my lingerie...just sayin' ! ;)

As far as cars go....I couldn't get my husband to drive my VW Beetle.....even if his life depended on it. Can't figure out why....it even has the most adorable built-in flower vase....and....and..... I change the flower out with the seasons! Right now it's sporting an Easter lily!

In all seriousness......our family vechicle.....a minivan.....was always the newest.....and neither one of us was dying to drive it. He had a truck which I was welcome to drive whenever I needed....like if I wanted to go funiture shopping or home depot for home project stuff. Well.....now that I think about it.....I just bought the stuff and told the salesperson my husband would be back for with his truck.

Just because you are married doesn't mean you stop being individuals..... "his" and "her" stuff still exists. In my situation, the garage, the truck and the boat were "his".....everything else was "mine". (except for the children.....they were his if they were misbehaving.....and mine when they were good....;)

Sure sounds like your coworker and her husband have some negotiating and compromising to do!
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 44
Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?
Posted: 4/2/2014 5:58:39 AM
Here's a suggestion for your co-worker, so the message is engrained in her mind a little better about marriage and sharing a little to much stuff.

Ask her how she would feel if her husband asked her if he could wear her underwear for a few days just to see how it feels in comparison to his underwear. Ewwwww..........................but yah know, it might just help get the point across.
LOL, good luck and be thankful that she is only your co-worker.
 lovebug0
Joined: 5/9/2013
Msg: 45
Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?
Posted: 4/8/2014 8:18:34 AM
She really shouldn't ask to use his car. She has her own. Really if there is a need, she doesn't have one, then work it out where she uses it or he takes her/pick her up. There does not seem to be a reason to argue or get upset. He did not have a car, she let him use her car/picked him up, then maybe he should do the same, in the same manner. I mean, if she needs transportation that is different, other than that she should 'accept' his reasoning/answer.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 46
Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?
Posted: 4/8/2014 10:16:50 AM
Depends.
When it comes to vehicles, where you live, AND the auto insurance co. has a say so in the matter..
During my second marriage, my ex/husband wanted me to change coverage on my little red sports car to his insurance co. I agreed. Up to this point, neither his ins. co., nor mine had any issues with us being married, living in the same household AND carrying separate policies. He drove his truck, I drove my car, and I drove my car with he and my 2 teenagers.

His insurance co. insisted his info, (driving record) be included for the policy to my car. I argued. Why? I stated, HE doesn't drive my car, I do not drive his truck. Ever! They insisted.
My ex/husband had points on his license, causing the insurance premium to go up for my car. It was high enough as it was being a sports car AND coverage for a teenager driver! SHEESHHHH!

Soooo, even though we could have driven each others vehicles, we didn't.

Funny, the big truck I drive now, belonged to the late husband of my roommate. They were married for 48 years and SHE WAS NEVER allowed to drive his trucks. Long before he died, he would hand me the keys and say, "Here, take my truck" LOL
 whereismysoulmate2014
Joined: 4/5/2014
Msg: 47
Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?
Posted: 4/17/2014 2:11:33 AM


Yeah...she's being unreasonable.
When I was married...he drove his car and I drove mine....unless there was something wrong with mine.
Then he would drive mine until he got it fixed so I didn't break down going or coming from work....what a sweety!
I did have a relationship where my car was the main vehicle...opposed to his 4X4 because of comfort and gas assumption...which I might add was mostly on my dollar.
Anyways....Couples need to communicate and compromise....I can see his point...drive your own car.


I disagree with you ...

I meet my fiance Pat at an POF event and looked like a bum.

Pat passed away on December 18, 2010.

She got to know me and fell in love with me...

She saw a diamond in the rough.

She did NOT know when she meet me that my mother owned a hobby farm.

I was power of attorney for my mother and sold it AFTER i meet Pat.

My mother was in a nursing home and passed at the age of 90.

I purchase OUR home with CASH.

My father was captured by the Germany Army in 1941 ... and spend the rest of war in POW .

A prison in Canada is a resort compared to that .

Money means NOTHING to me ... and i would rather be poor and happy then rich and unhappy

Pat was on a disability pension and her income was less then $1000 a month

I see warning signs about her husband .. and a possible divorce if she loses her job.
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