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 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 92
Shyness versus introverted Page 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

So one lacks the desire to socialize -- and one has the desire to Not socialize. In other words, shyness is anti-social, and introversion is just a lack of being social. One's a lack of something, and the other is more than that. Kind of like theist (social), atheist/non-theist (non-social), and anti-theist (against being social).

I see it more as one wants to be social but fears the social interaction that it takes to get there, one is easily able be social but may not always have interest in doing so.

I think I get what you're saying. Basically, an introvert has no problem socializing/communicating with people -- it's just that the ball's in the other person's court to get it going, as they're just shy to initiate it... where a shy person is going to shy away from socializing altogether.

When you are an introvert and don't feel like socializing it's not in anyone's court to get it going - it's more a matter of leaving us alone unless/until we're in the mood to participate (unless it's occupational and someone's paying us to do it despite having no desire to). If I weren't in the mood for it and someone else tried to "get it going" in response it wouldn't go well for that person. When I'm ready to interact with other humans, I'll let you know.
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 93
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Shyness versus introverted
Posted: 7/13/2015 9:37:26 AM
I fall into both categories. When I am around new people I can be quite shy but when I am around friends there are times I am very quiet. Thats cause there are times I am out with friends but don't feel interested in participating in conversations. Cause I work around people all day by the time I get home most times I just want to be alone. Some of my friends just don't get why I am so quiet.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 94
Shyness versus introverted
Posted: 7/13/2015 10:17:22 AM
Being around / dating extroverts makes life interesting when you're introverted. I stay to myself until I have a few drinks or a little too much caffeine, then it's hard to shut me up. I can be friends with anyone, but I really don't identify a 'best' friend or anything like that.

Where I think relationship difficulties can happen is within the couple themselves, not in group or social situations. Someone introverted or socially awkward has trouble stating their feelings, and the extrovert has little or no patience to listen.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 95
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Dating as an Introvert..
Posted: 7/13/2015 3:39:42 PM

_shakti_ wrote:

So I'm curious, for the introverts out there.. taking this aspect of your being into account, how has dating been?


I don't think I need to answer this question.......
Shyness versus introverted
Posted: 7/15/2015 8:34:42 PM
Exactly, Norwegian guy 456
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 97
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Shyness versus introverted
Posted: 8/4/2015 10:52:02 AM
I find lately that its hard for me to get a date cause of the kind of guy I am. I am very quiet and don't always talk much. The last couple of girls I went on dates with both told me I am too quiet for them. Cause of that I have started to embrace being single and enjoying the time to myself. I would love to have some one to do things with and travel with but I am not desperate enough to settle on the first girl that comes along that will take me as I am. Part of me hates the way the world has come in terms of dating. Everyone wants an instant connection and if not they move on. Cause of that mentality a lot of girls don't give me much of a chance.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 98
Shyness versus introverted
Posted: 8/4/2015 11:07:35 AM

I am very quiet and don't always talk much.


The reality is not so much that you should talk. Many women complaint that they could not stand the guy because all he did was talk and talk about himself. The secret is, to ask questions. As the saying goes "He who asks the questions, controls the conversation."

Sooo. Look at her and ask, "those are cool shoes, where did you get them?" "Italy, where did you go there?"

And so on, and so forth.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 99
Shyness versus introverted
Posted: 8/4/2015 3:58:15 PM
I'm an INTP, borderline on the P and at the extreme range of the I. I'm waiting the results of my next test to see how the scores are arranged - will I still be at the extreme end of I - and whether I'll be P or J.

I think INTP is the psychological title for a 'know-it-all'. I can act extroverted, particularly if I want something, but mostly I couldn't care what other people say or do so long as they don't bother me. People I am close to can be noisy, talkative or touch me; people I am not close to get ignored or I tell them to be quiet/don't touch me or I simply leave the vicinity. I'm not the least bit shy about things regarding what I consider my personal space.

As for dating, I merely ask. Have I been 'shot down'? Sure, I've been overweight since I was 5, I'm very intelligent. These two qualities do not appear to be wanted by many guys. On the other hand, men really appreciate being asked out (for the 'who pays' crowd - if I ask, it's my treat).

To build on what IG says, the secret is to be interested and to listen. By listening and asking questions that entice more information, you don't appear shy, you may appear like the 'strong, silent type'.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 100
Shyness versus introverted
Posted: 8/4/2015 4:40:24 PM

I'm a little emotional and I like to think about things deeply. I've come to the conclusion that I need to date another introvert to get the connection of minds I'm really looking for...but then I don't want to date me. Dating me would be terrible.


Don't worry about 'dating yourself'. Even if you date another introvert, they'll probably be introverted in different ways and they will understand your need to occasionally be alone to re-charge your emotional self. If you date an extrovert, you'll probably need to explain that you need alone time but an extrovert can sometimes bring welcome experiences into your life that you wouldn't have thought of doing. Don't date solely according to some personality test. Find out what works for you.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 101
Shyness versus introverted
Posted: 11/25/2015 5:15:27 PM

I think INTP is the psychological title for a 'know-it-all'. I can act extroverted, particularly if I want something, but mostly I couldn't care what other people say or do so long as they don't bother me. People I am close to can be noisy, talkative or touch me; people I am not close to get ignored or I tell them to be quiet/don't touch me or I simply leave the vicinity. I'm not the least bit shy about things regarding what I consider my personal space.

I am INTJ - and this is me exactly. In my case I am extroverted occupationally, so when I am not getting paid for it - I refuse to be that way unless I actually want to be or I'm in the mood for it.

I can date either type so long as it's not forced on me to interact when I don't want to (or I'm told I can't when I want to).
 HereComesYourSun
Joined: 9/7/2015
Msg: 102
Shyness versus introverted
Posted: 12/7/2015 7:10:36 PM
I've been with extroverts and introverts.
The extrovert's constant jabbering sometimes drove me nuts. He'd say every single thought that came in his brain. He read everything aloud. I mean, shut up dude...please.

The introverts lack of communication skills was hard to deal with too. He'd hold it in and then build a case against me with out ever communicating the issue in the first place. Felt like I had to pry nails from a coffin.

So, in retrospect maybe's it's not how much one talks but what they say when they're talking.
 peterpancollar
Joined: 12/12/2015
Msg: 103
Shyness versus introverted
Posted: 12/17/2015 11:42:40 AM
I'm an ENTP. I've only had relationships and friendships with introverts. I'm not quite sure why, but introverts seem to feel comfortable with me... but I'm not a party animal extrovert. I'm just a sociable one. I like to socialize, engage in interesting conversation, I don't like nor participate in small talk, but people tend to pull me into them and I don't get anxiety over it. Extroverts and I have a lot of fun together because we can go to parties and we never have to hold each other's hands or worry about anyone wanting to go home early, etc. We both like to mingle, talk to others, enjoy other people's company, and not think anything beyond it. Extroverts are given a bad rep by introverts saying that we yap nonstop and are always loud, boisterous, etc. The difference is, extroverts simply don't get exhausted when interacting with the external world, unlike the introverts who need a lot more to recharge by themselves.

Extroversion and introversion actually have nothing to do with sociability and social habits. There are plenty of introverts who would prefer to be around others than by themselves, and there are extroverts who like being by themselves. Sociability and social habits are mostly linked to self-confidence and how one was raised. But generally, now, with the way things are, introverts are commonly associated to being less socially suave and extroverts are attributed to being very socially inclined. Introverts often act like anything social is "OMG the end of the world!!!" It's not. But I'm an extrovert, and I mostly don't care about stupid, little, minute details that make zero impact in the theme of things. But of course, introverts have a difficult time understanding that concept.

The extroverted thinking types may not be as socially malleable as the extroverted feeling types. But I think overall, the extroverted thinkers are going to be more open and direct with expressing themselves to make communication more clear (which is important in establishing anything sort of relationship).
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