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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?      Home login  
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 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 26
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

Counter question - for the guys: if a guy is very friendly and chatty, is he just being nice or hoping for something more?

Once again, it all depends on the woman's attitude. What he's thinking when he approaches is utterly, totally irrelevant. Women ruin a lot of encounters by 'thinking' instead of just going with a conversation, and they honestly don't even know they are doing it a lot of the time. The emotional context of how women perceive a conversation is completely dominant over the actual content of the conversation, with VERY few exceptions. Add in a few drinks, and it amplifies that emotional context even more.

If I go to a local watering hole, I arrive there with my watch and cell phone with a decent battery charge (to know the time and can take a few pics), a deck of cards if I get totally bored to death, and a couple condoms. I plan on driving home, so I don't drink too much. I have no idea where a conversation may go, and even if I had a goal in mind - it seriously doesn't matter . What matters more - is what YOU TELL me what am I thinking when I say, "Hi."

Some people try to read the nonverbals and get it totally wrong. If it's late, my eyes get tired and the contact lenses get dried out, so I kind of scowl when the lenses are bugging me. I have drops to refresh them, but when women see me squinting thru tired eyes they ALWAYS react like I'm angry about something, even if I haven't said a word. It doesn't matter. Even if I could prove them wrong, it seriously does not matter. That first impression of that emotional context is already seared into their brain. "He's pissed about something." is stuck in their minds, and trying to shake that opinion loose, even if I could do it - takes so damn long and so damn much energy that it is an utter waste of time.
 OrvilleOinkdexter
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 27
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/8/2014 4:30:47 AM

Probably was the zillionth time a Man has commented on the tattoo.. hence the eye roll.
I don't like when I am in the midst of something and suddenly a stranger tries to engage in small talk/flirting


Oh, that poor woman. To think someone would comment on her tattoo when she SURELY got it with the intention of going unnoticed and unmentioned. Oh, the horror of it all.

I hope someone stops her today, and absolutely bombards her with questions about it. If it were possible, I'd do it myself.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 28
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/8/2014 6:17:58 AM
I'm surprised nobody quoted Msg 18 out of context yet for laughs:

"... exposing yourself to hundreds of women"


The OP should try away from coffee shops. Women there seem to send out mixed signals.

I get good response from "unapproachable" girls, for example fast lean babes on jogging paths, even if they wear earbuds. Bikini babes on float trips are another "species" who responds to me. Another species of girl who reacts well to me: gals who walk dogs (some people say women have dogs with them for protection and to discourage being approached).

Meanwhile, if I were in an "easy" situation where women supposedly are looking for attention, such as a bar or dance floor, I'm just about invisible.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 29
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/8/2014 10:30:13 AM
It's just like anything else today. If she's interested, you approaching her was the greatest thing that could have happened. If she thinks you're ugly, then you're creepy for randomly walking up to her.

Good advice is to start with a smile or wave, and see how she reacts then go from there. Because you WILL be known to her and her friends as the creepy guy in the bar.
 dahlingdarling
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 30
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Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/9/2014 7:11:39 AM
Some gals get bothered when approached in public likely due to the approach being motivated because the guy wants to have sex with her body, past experiences of most approaches being unpleasant, or because she doesn't want to be forced to interrupt what they were doing so they can socially interact under the pretense of politeness with someone who invaded their time/space for his benefit.

I think it's more suited to try to interact with others in a social setting such as hobbies/clubs so one can build something with people they are getting to know.
 chill78
Joined: 10/13/2013
Msg: 31
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/9/2014 9:21:27 PM
for the guys: if a guy is very friendly and chatty, is he just being nice or hoping for something more?


I can't speak for other men. But it depends on the situation for me. For example, suppose I'm at a sports bar. I can start a conversation with a woman sitting next to me about the game. Even though I'm not physically attracted to her and not interested in anything more than that.
 wanderer1999
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 32
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Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/12/2014 11:38:31 AM
It's all depends. Some will, some won't, and a lot may or may not depending on your approach, timing and the day.

Maybe this will help.

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts7215886.aspx

Goes a ways back, but maybe you'll find it useful.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 3/22/2014
Msg: 33
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/12/2014 1:31:53 PM

I'm not really looking for a date when I'm out running errands


^^^Exactly
On the weekends when I am running errands, I prefer not to be approached since I am focused.....on a mission. When I am grocery shopping, I am focused on those sale items. When I am out with friends at dinner or happy hour, I am focused on them. For me, I guess the best location to be approached would be at the car wash while waiting for my car to be cleaned, or at the amusement park while standing in long lines.....unless I have Fast Pass (Disneyland.) I guess waiting in line at the bank could work albeit I do most of my banking.....online. Just like online dating.....hmmmm,
dang technology! ;P
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 34
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Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/12/2014 2:02:24 PM
Well OP, the women have spoken. It doesn't bother them if you're hot. It does if you're not. I am definately in the not category. I got laughed at again today by a couple of women while eating breakfast at IHOP. I was just minding my own business, but they took one look at me and started laughing. (Sigh) Oh well, such is my life.
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/12/2014 9:45:00 PM


I'm not really looking for a date when I'm out running errands
Exactly

Never to just disagree for the sake of it, but to point out the conflict in this case...

...This would fall into the category of whether or not to be open to finding something when you're "not looking", not just being open to it only when you're looking. It can be a matter of greatly cutting down your chances, limiting yourself. That person in the grocery store might be who you think about finding, but you might not find them in any single's or dating venue or medium, and you might not see them ever again after that one encounter. This would also fall into the category of not being able or willing to "just meet a normal person in normal life", versus the club or online.

Myself, I'm just not so "focused" on pumping my gas or choosing a loaf of bread that I'm irritated by a woman wanting to make conversation. Pumping gas or choosing bread doesn't take that much brain power or attention, and I'm not that often in that much of a hurry. If I'm not in such a hurry to finish errands so I can get back online to search for someone, I might find them "in real life", in public.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 3/22/2014
Msg: 36
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/12/2014 10:10:31 PM

I'm just not so "focused" on pumping my gas or choosing a loaf of bread that I'm irritated by a woman wanting to make conversation


I never said I would be irritated, I said I prefer not to be approached in the grocery store. Many times, my kids are with me and I am not going to slow down my activities just for the mere chance I might miss talking to some guy who I have no clue if he is single or married or what. Quite honestly, I don't think I have ever been approached at the grocery store except by the produce guy who asked if I was finding everything I wanted.....maybe that's when I should have spoken up.....but then I'd be called a cougar.....


If I'm not in such a hurry to finish errands so I can get back online to search for someone, I might find them "in real life", in public.


Ohhhh, please. Your gas tank must always be full. ;)
Like I noted before, I think the car wash is probably a better venue for me.....I'll check it out further the next time I go...
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 37
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Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/12/2014 10:15:31 PM
This is another one of those questions that is so general, a comprehensive answer just won't do.

Listen, surely you know that generally speaking, if a male stranger compliments a female stranger as they're going about their daily business in line at the store...or whatever, it is perceived as attempting to hit on them. Maybe I'm strange but generally, when this happens to me, first off it has no value to me. The person doesn't know me, so complimenting something purely physical comes off as superficial. NOT a turn on.....for me. I am friendlier than many, and don't mind chatting someone up but it's either a way of killing time or putting a smile on someone's face. Nothing more nothing less. Now, if I'm checking out and the cashier has just dealt with a rude person or looks stressed, I'll call them by name and ask who are they doing or apologize they had to deal with some rude buffoon. Now if someone were to compliment me by saying how kind I was.........yeah that would mean a lot more than just a compliment on my appearance.

When I'm running errands or going about my daily "stuff", then it's just NOT the environment where it's expected that someone would think it's fine to try to hit on me. Honestly, yes that's almost always annoying.
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/12/2014 10:33:22 PM

it is perceived as attempting to hit on them

Of course it might be perceived as "hitting on". Isn't that the point?

Once a friend made fun of me saying "you're so obvious", and I said "well duh, it's supposed to be obvious. Wouldn't want her to not be sure. That would make me a poor communicator." What about all those places in these forums where people are so confused about "are they interested or not?"

In another thread, I point out that somehow any place or time to approach is thought to not be appropriate by someone...the act itself is somehow just not right, so they say that we're desperate for going online to do this.

it has no value to me. The person doesn't know me, so complimenting something purely physical comes off as superficial. NOT a turn on

Of course they don't know you. You have to start somewhere. One of these people might be interested in getting to know you, and then you'll find out if there's any need to go further.

When I'm running errands or going about my daily "stuff", then it's just NOT the environment where it's expected that someone would think it's fine to try to hit on me

In another thread, I point out that somehow any place or time to approach is thought to not be appropriate by someone...the act itself is somehow just not right, so they say that we're desperate for going online to do this.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 39
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Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/12/2014 11:00:27 PM
"it is perceived as attempting to hit on them

Of course it might be perceived as "hitting on". Isn't that the point?"

That's the point for YOU...........my point is that it's showing no consideration for someone who just happens to be a FEMALE...who may be in line at the bank or filling up at the gas station. I got so tired of this lame attempt that when my son was living with me, I made him go with me almost every time I left the house. Yeah that may be the point for YOU, but for my son, at 6'2" solid muscle, I could go fill up my car and not have to worry about some lazy SOB that couldn't be bothered to seek out social venues for singles where it would be an environment where there would be some expectation for an unaccompanied female to be....approached.

Your response to my post says it all..........

If you can't be bothered to seek out those venues, then don't expect to have your lame attempts to hit on a woman who just is out running errands to be met with a welcoming response.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 40
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/12/2014 11:21:32 PM
I was out once grocery shopping with my 6 year old daughter and this guy was hitting on me inside. I thought he was just being friendly at first, just doing small talk in the check out line, but then he followed us out into the parking lot and approached me as I was putting stuff in the trunk. He asked for my number. I was so creeped out, especially with my daughter there. It was not appreciated at all.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 41
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Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/12/2014 11:44:15 PM
"He asked for my number. I was so creeped out, especially with my daughter there. It was not appreciated at all."

The men who do that, have no conception of how their actions appear to the other person. As much as some men may claim to not understand women, there's so few who make the effort. The men who take advantage of any situation where there's a woman who's just going about her business, and insert themselves persuing their own agenda..........comes off so often as more than creepy........at the least a total shutdown of any possibility of interest.

There are so many threads on this topic, those who want to be informed have had more than enough opportunity. Meanwhile, many men will continue to disregard any possible creep factor or totally legitimate concern for basic safety regardless of the fact that the males, generally speaking who do this don't appear on any women's wish list, to say the least.

The guys that give women the creeps know they do, most often, they just don't accept they do.
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 42
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/13/2014 3:32:01 AM
I agree it's inappropriate to pick up a woman in front of her children. I wouldn't even ask for a woman's number in front of my own daughter.

But then the question becomes if you're a guy with good intentions looking to meet someone to date, where and when is appropriate to approach a woman? Honestly the list places and times are inappropriate seems to be growing.

Club / bar - already has a stigma attached it (which I think is ridiculous). Most women don't go to a bar alone unless she is from out of town and don't want to spend her evening in a hotel room. If a woman is out at a bar with other women it's girls nights and a single guy approaching her with her group is seen as an interruption to their time together.

Work - personally I like to keep my work and dating life separate.

Gym - I'm sure most women just want to focus on their workout.

Supermarket/bookstore - should I really troll these places for the purpose of meeting a single woman?

Online - well when your a guy your pretty much only doing online dating because all you want is sex until proven otherwise.

I may have to start asking my friends if they "know someone" who they can set me up with someone which sorta feels like asking for a job referral.
 SoupSandwich73
Joined: 12/13/2013
Msg: 43
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Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/13/2014 5:40:57 AM
Women love it when you walk straight up to them, hand them your phone and say, " Hurry up and put your number in there before I don't want it anymore..." If she looks at you funny as she tries to take in and process so much man at once- be sure to impatiently tap your foot to encourage action on her part. Chicks dig being motivated by a man.

Next time you're having coffee, approach a woman, and her response is to roll her eyes at you...snap your fingers in front of her and tell her to focus, the big show is over here and she doesn't want to miss it. Then when she focuses on you tell her, "You're welcome." Females adore a guy with manners. Then smile at her in a charmingly devilish way, wink at her and then drink her coffee.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 44
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/13/2014 5:48:23 AM
You're all just proving the same point - approaching someone has everything to do with the emotional context the receiver is having at that moment - the message content means nothing. The act of simply getting their attention can be perceived as hostile or ignorant, depending on the mood of the receiver at the time.

If you want to approach a stranger in public, do your homework and understand the non-verbal signs - and OBEY them. If they are not willing to make lingering eye contact with you, that should be the screaming warning sign #1 "DO NOT APPROACH".

All I can do in a forum like this - is ask ladies who've had a bad day to just pause, inhale once, and realize I just asked what aisle the yogurt was in, not for their phone number. Sometimes looking up and making eye contact with who's talking can help ladies ALSO realize and learn that some guys are indeed just there for the groceries.
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/13/2014 6:19:26 AM

That's the point for YOU


it's showing no consideration for someone


your lame attempts

Was all that ^ really necessary?

Of course there is always a need to be appropriate and considerate. Whether you're in public, the bar, or POF, etc. Der?
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 3/22/2014
Msg: 46
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/13/2014 7:26:35 AM

All I can do in a forum like this - is ask ladies who've had a bad day to just pause, inhale once, and realize I just asked what aisle the yogurt was in, not for their phone number


Personally, I thought OP was inquiring if women get bothered in public when approached as means to ......ultimately get her phone number and so on. If it was just to ask what aisle the yogurt on, I have no problem making eye contact and actually providing a smile with my answer, "it's right in front of you." And, I'm not even in a bad mood. It's when you are at the gas station pumping gas when a guy asks "does this pump work" and you respond while smiling, "no, as there is a green bag over the handle." Then, the guy proceeds to inquire about how nice the weather is and does the woman live in the area.......?

For me, it's polite to answer the question posed but a lot of women can tell/sense if a guy is looking for more than just yogurt......just saying....
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 47
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/13/2014 11:10:31 AM
No, not at all.
Just as long as he is NOT carrying a sledge hammer, (unless he's walking out the door of a hardware store) holding an ice pick, (unless he's at the fairgrounds making Icees) or holding a gun aimed at my head. (Can't think of anytime I would feel comfortable in that case)
In other words, depends on the situation. There is no right or wrong answer here. Each person is different. Individual personal space comfort zone. What may be perfectly OK with one, may not be OK with another.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 48
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Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/13/2014 11:22:48 AM

No, not at all.
Just as long as he is NOT carrying a sledge hammer, (unless he's walking out the door of a hardware store) holding an ice pick, (unless he's at the fairgrounds making Icees) or holding a gun aimed at my head. (Can't think of anytime I would feel comfortable in that case)
In other words, depends on the situation. There is no right or wrong answer here. Each person is different. Individual personal space comfort zone. What may be perfectly OK with one, may not be OK with another.


Exactly. I talk to people all the time. It just depends if you have social awareness or not. All that matters is how you make people feel when they're around you. What you say is almost insignificant compared to how you say it, your body language and how she feels.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 49
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Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/13/2014 1:02:37 PM


For me, it's polite to answer the question posed but a lot of women can tell/sense if a guy is looking for more than just yogurt......just saying....


and so what if he is??
How hard is it to just say "no thank you" if asked out or for a phone number??

anytime a man shows interest in me....I am gracious and appreciative of their efforts.
Doesn't mean I have to give him my phone number or go out with him.
Sure beats all the moaning and whining about how one can never meet a good man......
If you have such a high standard of rules of "when" on top of the already long list of rules for the "who"....
it's no wonder ya'll can't meet a "good" man!!.....uhm....just saying!
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 50
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/13/2014 1:42:27 PM
No, I'm not bothered at all, unless the situation is deemed threatening somehow.

I was appoached by two men this weekend whilst at a shop. One asked me about certain herbs, the other asked me about pasta!

Both gents were very polite and friendly!
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