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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?      Home login  
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 drivingharmony2
Joined: 3/22/2014
Msg: 51
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

If you have such a high standard of rules of "when" on top of the already long list of rules for the "who"....
it's no wonder ya'll can't meet a "good" man!!.....uhm....just saying!


Oh good grief, so every man who asks "where is the yogurt"......is deemed a "good man?"


Sure beats all the moaning and whining about how one can never meet a good man......


Who is whining......you? Not me.....I have met and dated plenty of good guys.....

Clearly, there are different views to this subject as to most subjects, don't whine or moan about....accept it. :)
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 52
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/13/2014 6:22:16 PM
Let's go in a different direction.

Women: When IS the right time to approach you? Reading these forums, you'd be convinced online is the only time you can talk to a girl, unless she thinks you're hot, then you can talk any time.

So what's the right answer?
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 3/22/2014
Msg: 53
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/13/2014 6:41:59 PM
RT82: There is no right answer as there are various answers as noted in this thread. :)
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 3/22/2014
Msg: 54
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/13/2014 8:20:52 PM

In other words, you expect men to be mind readers. Another clueless one. ;)


Actually, mind readers.....nope. Get a clue......as they are in the thread... You are right.....another clueless one :P
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 55
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Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/13/2014 8:57:16 PM
rockin-truckeer82

That is a loaded question..and no your question will not be answered haha.

To the younger guys: Don't let a few bitter women discourage you. The vast majority of time people are friendly for chit chat, especially women when they are not in a rush.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 56
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/13/2014 9:04:35 PM
For the clueless people out there, a lot of the non-verbal cues are the ones that need to be followed. Places and locations and timing are ALL different, and therefore non-definable. Demanding that someone give you a situational answer in here is just plain stupid. If you really want to know - then observe. Open your eyes and shut your mouth and stay sober and just watch people. People really do not /can not camouflage their feelings very well, but boatloads more people are totally ignorant of the signs.

These pickup artists that want to sell you a seduction guarantee for $29.95 are using the same flawed logic you're demanding an answer for in here - they describe all kinds of fictional situations to play their 'game', but you never actually SEE the game being played - only described to you. If you can't observe the ACTUAL interaction carefully, they don't care - but you're just 'misunderstood' and they'll sell you Part Two of the series for an additional $17.95...

Some people are very good at communications - some are not. I went to school for Marketing, Advertising, and Technical theater - at the cost of several thousand dollars I've been trained on how to make the sale. What I realized is that I'm never going to be that flashy pitchman who thinks on their feet, lies through their teeth and promises the world - all to get that contract. My mind doesn't work that way. Many others do not as well. That's why most of the world is NOT made up of handsome, flashy salespeople/pickup artists - they're getting paid to be bus drivers and construction workers and librarians.

As much as anyone needs to be considerate / observant when approaching a person - the person being approached needs to understand that fact above - not all of the people hitting on you do that kind of thing for a living - so their awkwardness or nervousness is just that - a lack of experience. They don't need cruel remarks or crass sarcasm or ridiculous assumptions that they are a serial killer or something. The few idiots that can't take 'no' for an answer and badger a person repeatedly are also NOT most of the population as well. I guess what I'm pleading for people to do is just pay attention to the message, lose the attitude, and just be decent about rejecting/rejection.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 57
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Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/13/2014 9:11:00 PM
PUA don't sell a seduction guarantee. What they are selling is a fundamental truth and that is communicating with a stranger requires a lot of practice if it doesn't come naturally. It is a skill that can be improved.
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/14/2014 1:18:15 AM
I'll mention the one thing that I think will be missed here...

Some people like it to be done in this time and place, and in this way...some don't. Some people like it to be done in the other time and place, and in another way...some don't.

Much of it can depend on those nuances of the time and place, the approach, how you say something versus what you say, how you do it versus what you do, and being able to read those fancy schmancy cues of body language, facial gestures, contextual references, vocal inflections, etc.

However...

One of those things that seperates the girls from women, the boys from men, is whether or not you react a certain way to someone who is not doing all of this just the way that you'd prefer. As we can tell, there is a lot of variety of people. There is a variety of ideas about what combinations of all the criteria make things appropriate or not, and not everyone is always of the same capabilities of reading, judging, or interpreting all of these criteria the same way that the next person would. Everyone is not on the same "smartness" level for judging cues from such a variety of people, and everyone doesn't have the same ideas about how to interpret this and that. Being able to understand this is the mark of a mature person. Being willing to be empathetic about it is the mark of a mature person.

Approving a certain approach or not is your prerogative. You may not be interested in someone, or be open to their approach because of the time, place, situation, or total method...but, do you judge them out of hand to be rude or inappropriate? Do you decide that they're "kind of creepy"? Do you invoke the "creepy" adjective on them? That is something that's almost more important in all this. Whether or not you're too quick to spitefully judge their character because their approach didn't match what you feel comfortable with or approve of.

It's still definately necessary and prudent to be able to read whether or not someone really is being scary, creepy, inconsiderate, etc...but make sure that you're not insisting that they are based soley on the fact that they approached you in public. (Would you rather they approach you in private? I'd think that that'd be more creepy.)

This is why my philosophy has always included being clear and direct. No games, no lines, no dancing around circles. I don't try to be a pick-up-artist, and I don't try to "have game", and I don't try to have mojo. Can't even stand the idea of people thinking of it that way. I'm just me...respectful, fun, and honest me, and that's mojo enough. I don't exclude "just making friendly conversation" initially or to guage some things, but eventually directness and being crystal clear is a fundamental component of my dance. I demand straightforwardness, and give it. With all of the people sometimes being confused about "is he just being friendly, or is he interested?", I try to do my part to address that.

I joked earlier about a friend, talking about my approach to a woman, accusing me of being "so obvious"...and I said that the point is to be obvious. It's so ridiculous to me that being obvious would ever be belittled. Being obvious really just means being clear and honest. No, it does not mean tackiness, cheesiness, nor going straight to asking if she wants to go "do it" (especially since I never want to do that anyway), but this is referring to eventually, if not initially, being clear and upfront that I am talking to her or approaching her because I am interested in finding out about a romantic possibility (getting to know her, and vice versa, for this initial purpose). I then demand that she do the same - let me know if she's interested in more interaction, or isn't, or would just prefer that it be continued in another time and place.

But, again, to flip it...if a woman approaches me (in public, der) and I don't happen to like where and when she did it, or she continues to chat me up when it wasn't made clear between us that she's "not just being friendly" yet "I'm not interested"...I am not going to automatically think bad of her, decide that she's rude, inconsiderate, and inappropriate, and label her as "creepy". And it's not going to "bother" me. If things were made clear, and she continued to pursue me, then it might "bother" me. If things were not made clear yet either way, and she continued to talk with me, I am not going to blame her and be "bothered". I'm not going to assume that the particular time and place is a matter of ettiquete for everyone, that if I think it's appropriate or inappropriate, then everyone else should think the same way also.
 MikeTO12345
Joined: 2/9/2014
Msg: 59
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/14/2014 2:22:12 AM

Actually, mind readers.....nope. Get a clue......as they are in the thread... You are right.....another clueless one :P


Nope you think they do.



For the clueless people out there, a lot of the non-verbal cues are the ones that need to be followed. Places and locations and timing are ALL different, and therefore non-definable. Demanding that someone give you a situational answer in here is just plain stupid. If you really want to know - then observe. Open your eyes and shut your mouth and stay sober and just watch people. People really do not /can not camouflage their feelings very well, but boatloads more people are totally ignorant of the signs.



I know of people who are extremely nice and body language even states so. It was a shocking to hear the person say that they couldn't stand the person. If you look at customer service people they are a good example. They may dislike the person but they have to act a certain way. Also there's actors that can act on cue which includes body language.

Also with some people you won't know until the inital attempt to talk to them. Not everyone is obvious enough. Considering I used to work with the public for decades I know how to read people.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 60
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/14/2014 5:13:53 AM
1)just b/c a guy is single, doesn't make it the burden of the woman.

when strangers come up to you and ask for money, are you ALWAYS polite to them, or sometimes do you feel like...its not your problem and you pretend to ignore them?

even successful car salesmen try not to come off as car salesmen...

2)it was interesting that someone posted they never get hit on, and a few posts later, had a story about getting hit on. not to pick on her, but we tend to forget, we are always attractive to SOMEONE. we just may not be interested enough to notice.

3)when is the right time to approach a woman? when she seems receptive. how do you act when you're "in the right time"? are you looking up and around? is your body language clearly showing your availible? find a woman who acts the way you act when you wish you were approached.

4)asking for a date is really like asking for money. You think they're getting something out of dating you, but if you two don't connect...then they aren't. which makes it like giving money to a stranger.

not everyone's going to be interested in you. sucks, but its reality. you CAN talk to people in a way that's just friendly, but let's be frank--if she's dressed so hot you can tell what her body looks like, you're likely dreaming about what you would do to each curve. you think you're hiding your body language, but you're pre-programmed to procreate. and you're far from her first experience with a guy thinking that way about her--if she rejects you based on experience, be assured she ain't wrong about you. you could have asked anyone else where the yougurt was--everyone knows men don't ask for directions :) lol

5)rejection sucks--but it beats wondering for hours, "what if I had asked her out?" take it like a man and move along.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 61
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Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/14/2014 5:24:44 AM

Oh good grief, so every man who asks "where is the yogurt"......is deemed a "good man?"

extremist much??

what I was saying is there is a possibility that women are missing out on a potential good man if they have all these rules of "when/where" a man is allowed to approach him.


Who is whining......you?

Nope.....I'm the one bragging about the good man I'm in a LTR with.....because even though I had repeatedly stated I was way too busy to have a boyfriend, I was never too busy to be pleasant to a man when he showed interest!!

as for "who" is whining......take a look around these forums!!!
the numerous women that ARE stating this ... would be the "who" I am referring to!!
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 62
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/14/2014 9:18:11 AM

For me, it's polite to answer the question posed but a lot of women can tell/sense if a guy is looking for more than just yogurt......just saying....

How can you tell? By the smell?
I realize getting 'hit on' is usually a blatant, obvious action, but women can be JUST AS guilty of jumping to conclusions based on incomplete information. Distractions exist everywhere. I realize ladies are in-tune with their 'gut instinct' a helluva lot more than men are, but YOU CAN BE WRONG... this isn't a precise science - just sayin'...
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 63
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/14/2014 2:52:39 PM
Being obvious really just means being clear and honest. No, it does not mean tackiness, cheesiness, nor going straight to asking if she wants to go "do it" (especially since I never want to do that anyway), but this is referring to eventually, if not initially, being clear and upfront that I am talking to her or approaching her because I am interested in finding out about a romantic possibility


Dude. This was getting kind of long...then hit this nugget. Great point. This is the difference between those that are afraid and pretend to get close "as friends" and those who when approach make it very obvious and convey sexual attraction.

One of the things that I like to do, to test the woman, is what I call two steps forward, one step backward. The step backward is the key here. But let's just say in the step forward that I smile at her and maintain eye contact for a prolong amount of time (while talking of course). The step back is, that I disengage and allow the woman to share her body language with me. Nine out of 10 times, she will speak through her body language and it reads like an open book.

But this does not mean that you can simply seduce anyone, it simply means that the ones that are interest in you are telling you so right away. Unfortunately most men are so stupid they can't read this. Why? Because most men are not paying attention to the woman, but are lost in their mind into what witty crap they can say themselves.

Anyway, good stuff Drinkthesunshine.


I realize ladies are in-tune with their 'gut instinct' a helluva lot more than men are, but YOU CAN BE WRONG... this isn't a precise science - just sayin'...


And the times that you were not able to read her right because she was too shy, well, her lost.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 3/22/2014
Msg: 64
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/14/2014 6:07:28 PM
From OP:


Seems like it would be tiring for women though to have guys constantly bothering them and stepping into their daily personal space. A lot of my female friends also seem to react in hostility when a guy approaches them while we're out and they say it can be overbearing sometimes. I tried giving a woman a compliment at a coffee the other day and she just seemed to roll her eyes (it was a remark about her tattoo which I thought was well done).


I guess I was assuming that by OP complimenting the woman about her tattoo, he was in someway trying to possibly pursue her for a phone number. I have been thinking about this "approaching" as the ultimate means to get more info on the woman. In this regard, no I have not been approached this way and it's probably because I am running errands, with my teenagers, etc.... and quite possibly my body language indicates I'm in a rush and focused. I have engaged in general chit chat with people when I go places, men or women, old, young....whatever when I'm not in a hurry but it was always just general chit chat. See, I am looking at it like this, if a man wants to approach me for the sole purposes of trying to get my phone number, then, I prefer he doesn't approach me..... at least when I'm with my kids, in a rush running errands and so forth. If I am in a relaxed setting, maybe it would be different....I don't know. And if I miss out on "some wonderful man" because of this.....so be it....

I am not one of the women who complain they cannot find a "good man." I am not one of the women who complain online dating sucks, far from it.


I agree it's inappropriate to pick up a woman in front of her children. I wouldn't even ask for a woman's number in front of my own daughter.


Good man! :)


as for "who" is whining......take a look around these forums!!! the numerous women that ARE stating this ... would be the "who" I am referring to!!


Fair enough. Since you had quoted me, I figured "you" was a reference to me.


YOU CAN BE WRONG... this isn't a precise science - just sayin'...


Absolutely..... but, I think I'll stick to my "gut" instincts :) and yeah, it's usually some fruity yogurt smell, kinda' like the yogurt they have on the McDonald's value menu ;)

All this makes me wonder if location has something to do with this. Location as in your city/state?? Aren't mid-Western states friendlier?? Just a thought....
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 65
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/14/2014 8:27:32 PM

it's usually some fruity yogurt smell, kinda' like the yogurt they have on the McDonald's value menu ;)


Real men don't go to McDonald's for yogurt.
Real men go to McDonald's for Big Macs.
Or McRibs when they have them.
 MikeTO12345
Joined: 2/9/2014
Msg: 66
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/15/2014 2:41:08 PM

Nope.....I'm the one bragging about the good man I'm in a LTR with.....because even though I had repeatedly stated I was way too busy to have a boyfriend, I was never too busy to be pleasant to a man when he showed interest!!



If she even bothered to look at your profile she would have known that you're in a relationship. She is sure clueless and thinks that the world should revolve her.
 MikeTO12345
Joined: 2/9/2014
Msg: 67
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/15/2014 3:18:06 PM

These pickup artists that want to sell you a seduction guarantee for $29.95 are using the same flawed logic you're demanding an answer for in here - they describe all kinds of fictional situations to play their 'game', but you never actually SEE the game being played - only described to you. If you can't observe the ACTUAL interaction carefully, they don't care - but you're just 'misunderstood' and they'll sell you Part Two of the series for an additional $17.95...



You couldn't be more wrong. It's about self confidence for most guys. What they learn to do is face rejection knowing that if they continue they can succeed in gaining self confidence. While PUA books teaches guys how to get laid that not all men use it for. Just to get some self confidence and get dates, but I'm not saying some men don't use it for hookups.


Some people are very good at communications - some are not. I went to school for Marketing, Advertising, and Technical theater - at the cost of several thousand dollars I've been trained on how to make the sale.


My father had a friend that was a great sales with no schooling or training for that other than learning while on the job. You can learn to do sales with modelling other great sales people.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 3/22/2014
Msg: 68
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/15/2014 3:29:20 PM

She is sure clueless and thinks that the world should revolve her.


I take that as a compliment coming from someone who cannot show his face and calls himself a class clown. Oh, I'm sorry, I happen to read your profile. Approach women in public much? No need to answer....I have read enough.

===

It just depends if you have social awareness or not


Agreed....
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 69
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/15/2014 8:35:09 PM

It's about self confidence for most guys. What they learn to do is face rejection knowing that if they continue they can succeed in gaining self confidence.

I think what you mean - is that they gain self-confidence knowing that facing rejection IS a possibility. -- It seriously sounded like you mean to continue keep harassing someone and not take 'No' for an answer will help you gain confidence, which is false. Confidence is indeed needed to be considered 'attractive' by most, but being ignorant of other communication signs is arrogance, not confidence.


My father had a friend that was a great sales with no schooling or training for that other than learning while on the job. You can learn to do sales with modelling other great sales people.

Yeah, you can learn sales from a lot of sources - by my point is that some people just don't have the 'character' to BE a sales person, no matter how much training they get. The timing and ability to think on your feet is not easily taught - being instinctive about that kind of communication is not a common trait. PUAs still sell it like ANYone can do it - but that's a load of crap and most of the world knows it.
 MikeTO12345
Joined: 2/9/2014
Msg: 70
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/15/2014 9:25:41 PM

Yeah, you can learn sales from a lot of sources - by my point is that some people just don't have the 'character' to BE a sales person, no matter how much training they get.


Depends on, you can be a crappy sales person or a great one. Of course you don't have to be in character but these kind of people tend to do better at least in the short term.
What you failed to see PUA sellers are just marketing it to the extreme. Anyone can do it if they want to bad enough, you are given the information. Everyone knows how to be confident. Most people were confidence sometime in their life time. Even if you weren't you could model someone who acts confident. In other words fake it until you make it because eventually you will be confident.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 71
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/16/2014 11:45:59 AM
localrenoite12- It only bothers us if men are obvious and/or creepy.
You seem like a good man, so just be yourself.
Be friendly and genuine.
You'll get a few 'itch reactions, but most women are flattered by sincere, kind, respectful interest.
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/16/2014 2:36:29 PM
bamagrl68

It only bothers us if men are obvious...

Oh noooo! I guess that takes me out, huh? Hehe.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 73
view profile
History
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/16/2014 8:39:35 PM

localrenoite12- It only bothers us if men are obvious and/or creepy.
You seem like a good man, so just be yourself.
Be friendly and genuine.
You'll get a few 'itch reactions, but most women are flattered by sincere, kind, respectful interest.


Exactly. It's good to talk to people in public. My friend from Colombia always makes comments about how Canadians don't speak to each other much unless they're good friends. I think it's good to talk to men and women so that it comes naturally and you're already warmed up. I teach music lessons five days a week and I sit and talk with the parents who are waiting around. Most people love to tell you about their new diet or how they painted their bedroom green.

On the flip side, I can totally relate to men that afraid to approach women. Some believe that we have inherited that fear from the ancient days of tribal humans where you didn't dare try to steal the alpha male's woman. Also, most people can't get over their own ego and the "rejection" will bother them too much. You could have five good experiences, one negative experience, and people will still cry. It's because they think: "How could she reject ME?" Once you awaken to the truth, that there are a huge number of factors and everybody isn't compatible, you can move past that mentality.

In the end, I still believe that a good social circle is the best way to meet people. My gym partner is the total opposite of me and I find it extremely hard to help him find a girlfriend. We went to play pool last week and I invited two women I recognized from Boston Pizza to play with us. He got upset because he wasn't attracted to them and he thought it prevented him from talking to other women. He has no concept of how social structures work. I always find that people are more open to talking to someone in a mixed group moreso than a group consisting of two men. Being in a mixed group enhances the way people see you because they see you having a good time and they see that men and women enjoy your company. When people see a group having a good time, they want to be part of it. If he understood the benefits of a social circle and networking, he could probably have a great girlfriend within a month. Unfortunately, he'll probably keep banging his head against the wall like usual.
 MikeTO12345
Joined: 2/9/2014
Msg: 74
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/17/2014 12:02:50 AM

Counter question - for the guys: if a guy is very friendly and chatty, is he just being nice or hoping for something more?



Depends on the guy. If a guy is talking to a guy friendly is he expecting more? I don't know? I like to make people smile, sometimes it works some it doesn't. I honestly there's nothing wrong with that.

I will tell you a story. There was this lady when I was younger, I would talk to her when she came into my work ( I worked in retail). Mainly she was just get to her laugh but after a few times she eventually refused to talk to me. Ok that's fine, she gave me this attitude but I wasn't upset. Eventually she broke up with her boyfriend and she wanted to talk to me but I was no longer interested in talking to her because she was being anti social. I guess she thought I was hitting on her but I never asked for her phone or any personal questions.
Never hurts to have more friends you never know what will happen in the future.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 75
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/17/2014 7:05:03 PM
drinkthesunwithmyface- LOL, :D ;D
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