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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?      Home login  
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 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 73
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Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

localrenoite12- It only bothers us if men are obvious and/or creepy.
You seem like a good man, so just be yourself.
Be friendly and genuine.
You'll get a few 'itch reactions, but most women are flattered by sincere, kind, respectful interest.


Exactly. It's good to talk to people in public. My friend from Colombia always makes comments about how Canadians don't speak to each other much unless they're good friends. I think it's good to talk to men and women so that it comes naturally and you're already warmed up. I teach music lessons five days a week and I sit and talk with the parents who are waiting around. Most people love to tell you about their new diet or how they painted their bedroom green.

On the flip side, I can totally relate to men that afraid to approach women. Some believe that we have inherited that fear from the ancient days of tribal humans where you didn't dare try to steal the alpha male's woman. Also, most people can't get over their own ego and the "rejection" will bother them too much. You could have five good experiences, one negative experience, and people will still cry. It's because they think: "How could she reject ME?" Once you awaken to the truth, that there are a huge number of factors and everybody isn't compatible, you can move past that mentality.

In the end, I still believe that a good social circle is the best way to meet people. My gym partner is the total opposite of me and I find it extremely hard to help him find a girlfriend. We went to play pool last week and I invited two women I recognized from Boston Pizza to play with us. He got upset because he wasn't attracted to them and he thought it prevented him from talking to other women. He has no concept of how social structures work. I always find that people are more open to talking to someone in a mixed group moreso than a group consisting of two men. Being in a mixed group enhances the way people see you because they see you having a good time and they see that men and women enjoy your company. When people see a group having a good time, they want to be part of it. If he understood the benefits of a social circle and networking, he could probably have a great girlfriend within a month. Unfortunately, he'll probably keep banging his head against the wall like usual.
 MikeTO12345
Joined: 2/9/2014
Msg: 74
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/17/2014 12:02:50 AM

Counter question - for the guys: if a guy is very friendly and chatty, is he just being nice or hoping for something more?



Depends on the guy. If a guy is talking to a guy friendly is he expecting more? I don't know? I like to make people smile, sometimes it works some it doesn't. I honestly there's nothing wrong with that.

I will tell you a story. There was this lady when I was younger, I would talk to her when she came into my work ( I worked in retail). Mainly she was just get to her laugh but after a few times she eventually refused to talk to me. Ok that's fine, she gave me this attitude but I wasn't upset. Eventually she broke up with her boyfriend and she wanted to talk to me but I was no longer interested in talking to her because she was being anti social. I guess she thought I was hitting on her but I never asked for her phone or any personal questions.
Never hurts to have more friends you never know what will happen in the future.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 75
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/17/2014 7:05:03 PM
drinkthesunwithmyface- LOL, :D ;D
 Paperboy99
Joined: 7/15/2013
Msg: 76
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Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/17/2014 8:17:01 PM
Do women get bothered when we approach them....? ....hmm...IDK. Better question...who cares? If you see a woman you find attractive go for it. If you don't ask the answer will always be no. Good luck and happy fishing.
 Szaszaspasz
Joined: 11/13/2012
Msg: 77
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Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/18/2014 9:47:53 AM

Do women get bothered when we approach them....? ....hmm...IDK. Better question...who cares? If you see a woman you find attractive go for it. If you don't ask the answer will always be no. Good luck and happy fishing.


Too true! You never know if you don't try. However, if the reactions you get are always negative (male or female) you might want to reconsider your approach.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 78
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Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/18/2014 9:55:02 AM

Too true! You never know if you don't try. However, if the reactions you get are always negative (male or female) you might want to reconsider your approach.


That's right. Experience is a harsh teacher. First comes the test, then comes the lesson. The best part of stepping out of your comfort zone is that you'll realize that people are just people and most people aren't going to act like a jerk if you approach them. But like you said, it also tells you if you're emotionally toxic and you come across as really needy.
 localRenoite12
Joined: 4/17/2013
Msg: 79
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/22/2014 9:58:25 PM

Well OP, the women have spoken. It doesn't bother them if you're hot. It does if you're not. I am definately in the not category. I got laughed at again today by a couple of women while eating breakfast at IHOP. I was just minding my own business, but they took one look at me and started laughing. (Sigh) Oh well, such is my life.


Well guess I need to hit the gym and get a makeover then.
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 80
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Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 7/29/2014 6:45:45 PM
localrenoite is probably looooong gone, but this 'age-old' topic is interesting.

The advice that I would have given to my younger self is:

"Do YOU, and let the chips fall where they may."

Mos def, ATTEMPT to make eye contact first, but it's not always possible. Don't give a d@mn whether she's "in the mood", "had a bad day", "just got in an argument", "doesn't like talking to strangers" woo, woo......................if YOU see an unaccompanied woman that you find particularly appealing (for whatever reason), STEP to her...............with a quickness. If she has on headphones..........STEP to her. IF she is texting.......(wait until she's done) and STEP to her. If she's with 5 girlfriends.................STEP to the group and cut her from the herd. All that stuff is HER problem. You're doing YOU! Throw all the, "What ifs" out the window. "What if she got a man?" "What if she not in the mood?" "What if, what if, what if". Life passes most people by, while they're still, "making plans" for it. Go get what YOU want!

Yes, attractive 20-something women take male attention for granted, not too many 30-something women do, and by 45+ (with the possible rare exceptions of the truly stunning), those women are damn near treated like they're invisible. Prior to joining POF, I THOUGHT that women get approached much more often than they write here that they do.

The BEST woman I ever met in my life (by far), is a woman I approached (while she was with a girlfriend) AND I had not established eye contact beforehand, totally cold and "out of the blue". Will that work very often? Nope. But that one time, was worth ALL the other instances when it didn't (to ME). Regardless of her age, or hot hawt she thinks she is.....................(assuming that you're well-groomed, articulate, not kissing her @$$, and not socially awkward)...........here is what she will KNOW about you: 1) You are NOT a 21st Century passive male housecat, 2) You are a "go-getter" (where women are concerned), and 3) You are NOT the type of guy who 'asks' a woman for permission to be a d@mn man.

Personally, I would STOP all the complimenting, flattery, and @$$ kissing and be VERY direct about why you are talking to her. She KNOWS within 60 seconds, whether she is interested or not. It's going to be more about non-verbal cues and communication more so than "what you say". At that point, she can like it OR lump it. Bottom line is............you did something that 90% of the adult U.S. population (male & female) are terrified to do................walk up to a stranger, introduce yourself, speak with authority and confidence (no stuttering and looking at the ground), and ASK for what YOU want. Get in. Get out. Be quick, direct, and to the point.

Over the years, I have asked out coworkers (it is estimated that between 15 & 30% of married couples met at work). We easily have a dozen couples at my workplace, and I am not, and have never been, a 'nervous Ned'. For the most part, I am cool with the women that I have asked out. A couple of them have remarked that my "boldness" was refreshing, and they all seemed to sincerely be flattered (I write this on the strength of the fact that all, except one, initiate conversation regularly). Even their flattery is not important to me. They ACT like they respect me. That's plenty for me.

The way I see it, THAT woman is wherever we happen to be, at THAT moment in time. Unless it's a work situation or we know people in common, you most likely will NEVER see her again in this lifetime. If she cannot overstand that simple fact of life, then, I don't want her. Barring being tacky, and approaching a woman at a funeral, while she is engaged with her child, approaching her alone at night, or something like that; HER emotional state is not my problem. (Most) men do not have the luxury of 'waiting for things to happen' and 'if it's meant to be' and all that fairy tale stuff. We have to MAKE things happen.

Do YOU, and let the chips fall where they may.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 81
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 7/29/2014 9:25:58 PM

Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?


Let me get back to you when my eyes stop stinging and tearing.
 easterparadehat
Joined: 4/14/2014
Msg: 82
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 7/31/2014 7:50:35 PM
If they are physically ugly I would mind it alot. Fugly doesn't sell good.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 83
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Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 8/1/2014 12:55:59 PM
In the real world its unlikely dates will begin through a meeting in places like a shop or supermarket. They are simply there for getting the shopping done, you don't really go there to be sociable unless you rarely go out at all never mind look for dates. So I wouldn't bother there.

With regard to sports and hobbies then you would have to take up something that you not only enjoy but also that there is a realistic chance of enough members of the opposite sex turning up. That's not quite as easy as it seems, for instance I took up badminton because I enjoyed it but also thought that there would be a gender balance whereas there were fewer females than I expected. I also play poker but that was also difficult as all the female players were mainly there because their partners were also. I enjoy doing both anyway which is the most important but there was no chance of dating.

Whatever people say about bars and clubs it is really the only real option in many cases when it comes to approaching women. Sure they may not be interested in you but they shouldn't have a problem with the idea of getting approached. Unless they have taken the parental advice of 'Don't talk to strangers' into adulthood which would make life unpractical anyway.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 84
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Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 8/1/2014 1:17:27 PM

In the real world its unlikely dates will begin through a meeting in places like a shop or supermarket. They are simply there for getting the shopping done, you don't really go there to be sociable unless you rarely go out at all never mind look for dates. So I wouldn't bother there.


It's still a great place to bump into people. You might see someone you've met only a few times before and you can start up a conversation with them.


Whatever people say about bars and clubs it is really the only real option in many cases when it comes to approaching women. Sure they may not be interested in you but they shouldn't have a problem with the idea of getting approached. Unless they have taken the parental advice of 'Don't talk to strangers' into adulthood which would make life unpractical anyway.


That's exactly it. Women will go to the bathroom together and talk about how they were annoyed by some guy they didn't like that hit on them, and then they will say they're happy that a guy they're into flirted with them. It all depends how they see you. I don't agree that it's the only real option when it comes to approaching women. Many people do a good job at meeting people during the day.
 browneyesseeking
Joined: 1/12/2013
Msg: 85
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 8/1/2014 2:29:31 PM
Admittedly I have not read through all of the responses so what I have to say might be a repeat...

As long as you are respectful when you approach a woman (whether in public or otherwise), I think it is okay. Avoid complimenting a woman's appearance until you have built a rapport. Complimenting a tattoo would be okay for example but mentioning that she has a great butt, not so good :-)

Also be aware of who she is with. I would feel a bit awkward if my children were with me, but more comfortable if I was alone.

Striking up a conversation about the products in the store would be a less threatening way to try to gauge if there was any interest. Provide her verbal, and physical space, to leave the conversation if she wants to. If she continues to respond to you and furthers the conversation by asking her own questions she is likely interested in continuing the conversation.

I once had someone ask me out at work, in front of my colleagues, and it was rather embarrassing...

Something else to think about... if you are really interested in someone, and it is unlikely that you will run into them again (i.e. this is the first time you have ever seen them and you have been shopping in the same grocery store for years.... I would suggest you take the chance, as you may never have it again.

Good luck!
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 86
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 8/2/2014 8:13:56 AM
If a woman single, available, and thinks a man is attractive, then the answer is no. Otherwise the answer is yes. With some exceptions.
 gingham7
Joined: 7/26/2014
Msg: 87
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 8/2/2014 9:52:13 AM
It doesn't bother me. As long as he is respectful about it. If I was busy or not interested in him, I would politely excuse myself.
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 8/2/2014 10:00:07 AM
As I've said before...not being interested in someone who approaches you (in public or otherwise) because they're not your type in whatever ways for whatever reasons, is one thing...but being bothered by it or acting as if the person did anything offensive by the act alone of "approaching" you (independent of how they did so), is dumb.

I think that people are not understanding the question, or it's not presented correctly - This isn't about whether or not you like being approached, or how you'd respond depending on whether or not you like the person...but it's specifically about being approached in public. The only thing that's being asked about is the part about it happening in public. Or rather, that should be how the question is strictly framed, given the thread title.
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 89
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 8/2/2014 10:49:43 AM
Yes some women were offended...they were like WHAAAAT The hell are you doing in the ladies bathroom???and the answer, it's a good place too meet women just didn't cut it..pfffft
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 90
Do women get hot and bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 8/2/2014 12:42:36 PM
dude...any real playa knows they line up outside, you don't even have to go in :)

as the others said, its all about how the two people involved carry it out. be respectful, and she might still tell you the old line from the closed cathouse--"beat it!". but if she's looking for a compliment that day, she might tell you what I used to get a lot as a lad, "sorry, I'm dating someone, but thanks anyway."

basically, get a good read on the lady in question. Does she seem to look open to an approach? does she seem sex-positive about her body, and will take it as a compliment even if she's taken? is she the passive dressed-up type that attracts bozos like a magnet (mentioning no names here:) )?
 Kittyxoxoxo
Joined: 3/5/2013
Msg: 91
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Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 8/2/2014 2:17:00 PM
I don't mind men approaching me in public. It's how they approach that is the problem. It has to be respectful. I can't stand being approached in a public place (not a bar/club), and they practically start undressing you with their eyes or say something about your body. It's even worst when you're with family. It happened once when i was with my dad a few years back, and this idiot was trying to ask for my number and flirt, my dad just ended up giving the guy death glares while i just stood there awkwardly and said no. Really uncomfortable situation lol
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 92
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Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 8/3/2014 11:43:11 PM

But in the end, luck is going to play a role. If you aren't at least somewhat cute, if she's engaged with a good talk with a gal-pal, she's not going to like it. If she's bored with tons o free time playing with her phone and you approach her, you have a much better chance of capturing her interest. But you can't really fully read the real situation behind it -- you have to make generic guesses to maximize your results.


One of the big problems is that guys don't know when to walk away. Sometimes it's better to say one or two things, wander off and then reconnect later on. It's good to show that you're not needy. It can be awkward if you stand there until she goes back to her friends. You have to use your head because each situation is different. I agree with you that you have to be willing to take a few hits. You need reference experience so you know when to stay, when to walk away, when to kiss a girl, etc.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 93
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Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 8/7/2014 4:08:51 AM
Message 86:

If you already met that person already through something else sure but I was referring to complete strangers. Also if its purely through meeting them in the supermarket and haven't met them elsewhere its hard to see how something would develop.

Meant to say the most realistic for many people who don't meet many available women in other circumstances. I'm sure many others do meet women during the day. Think it is easier in a so-called 'relaxed environment' although I'm sure there is a better word for it. By that I mean a café or bar where people are taking things easy. The odd pint can also help with the nerves aswell.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 94
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 8/7/2014 7:57:20 AM

I don't mind men approaching me in public. It's how they approach that is the problem. It has to be respectful. I can't stand being approached in a public place (not a bar/club), and they practically start undressing you with their eyes or say something about your body.


Can we agree a lot of this is totally dependent on the mood of the person being approached? I don't care what kind of standards you have for what is attractive - because a person who's hungry or tired or drunk is NOT going find 'attraction' the same as someone who's calm, content and sober. People just aren't always aware of their own personal moods/situations/surroundings when those judgments are made, so some of it may come across as 'instinct' or 'impulse' - but mood definitely steers decision making.

But using the example above...
If you think he's hot - it's an "Intense" look
If you don't think he's hot - it's an uncomfortable "undressing you" stare.

It's doesn't mean those decisions are ever 'wrong' or 'right', because it's still completely subjective opinions - but people (Men AND Women) often ignore or don't want to consider their moods when making those decisions - either during - or even afterward.
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