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 AUTHOR
 CROSSFADE
Joined: 4/22/2005
Msg: 241
Diary of a Mad ManPage 5 of 52    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
TY Baby!!
***************************************************************

Some call it water under a bridge, some call it a blast from the past.
Some call it a fatal wound, some call it your heart in a cast.

Some call it star crossed, Some call it meant to be
Some call them drifters that some never really see.

Sometimes the Ocean is calm, sometimes its all but tame
Sometimes the wind whispers, and sometimes I howl out your name.

Given one single wish, let me wish upon that very first star
I would take back the pain, and you wouldn’t have that awful scar.

But I cant, so I shrug, and stand here a simple man
I cant turn back the hands of time, but you know who I am.

You know more about me, than many will ever likely find
You know the armor I wear at times, doesn’t always shine.

I know you hold this at bey, allowing the ruins to fall
I know that in the night, its you that I want to call.

We hold our breath, and we take another step. Life’s little sensation.
And when the phone rings tonight, I won’t cringe, at our weekly invitation.

Sleep well my deer. In my dreams I will constantly hold you tight.
Who knows, maybe two star-crossed lovers, may one day get it right.
 CROSSFADE
Joined: 4/22/2005
Msg: 242
Diary of a Mad Man
Posted: 6/4/2005 6:20:28 PM
The drum created a beat. The soldiers marched side by side. Armor shining, hope becoming a distant friend. Swords and spears became more important than water and food. Inside he cringed. He could don the metal, he could wield the sword, but he could never bring her back. The cadence increased as the enemy was found. A different land, a different time... a far away town. The shift in the ranks happened so fast. Drawing his sword he cried out her name, it all happened in a flash. Knowing she was out there, knowing she was alive. It was his personal drug, the thing that kept him alive.

His sword ended the dreams of so many young men. Taking their life, no time to pretend. Blood fell and curses flew. Inside his chest he heard his heart say, "Better off me than you".
The battle raged, and she crossed his mind. Another soldier perished at his blade, another son lost to his own kind.

Forward he progressed, no real reason was ever understood as to why he had to kill. Just another day on the battle field, just another day that he missed her thrill.

His enemy singled him out. A lone soldier in a full suit of armor... was rushing toward his very life. He parlayed here, touched there... stepping back he found fear. This opponent was alive. So very real. Something inside this foe, wanted so bad to kill.

A missed chance cost him his very life. Falling to the ground with blood flowing... his opponent pulled off the helmet. Starring into the eyes of his one true love... he slipped away...
 CROSSFADE
Joined: 4/22/2005
Msg: 243
Diary of a Mad Man
Posted: 6/4/2005 7:05:02 PM
Line up the voodoo dolls; lay them all down one by one.
Pull out the rusty pins; let them glisten in the sun.

Mother may I return the pins, father may I fix them all?
Brother listen, this wont hurt a bit, be a good little doll.

Manipulating lives, shoving pins into their very core
Clenching the very hearts, of the ones that we adore.

Smiling with empty hearts, praying the world will never see
One false move and they strike, shoving yet another pin in me

Mother, can you heal what they've just done
Can you fix this hole in your only son

Father can you hear me scream, hear me in this hollow dream?
Make this all what it seams, no more dolls just venting steam.

So here they come, they are going to fulfill their final task
So here we go, I see them, I see you, pins ablaze, hiding behind your mask.

Mother, are you there?
 catsmeow02
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 244
Diary of a Mad Man
Posted: 6/4/2005 7:11:54 PM
wow, very nice writes cross, hope everything is goin well for you today.
 Real_heart_real_girl
Joined: 12/28/2004
Msg: 245
view profile
History
Diary of a Mad Man
Posted: 6/5/2005 4:45:27 AM


your getting stronger with your words everyday, love how our evolving and I so love to read what you have inside....keep the wonderful writes coming and keep sharing...

Miz
 CROSSFADE
Joined: 4/22/2005
Msg: 246
Diary of a Mad Man
Posted: 6/5/2005 6:48:21 PM
Well thankie Ladies. Me thinks I have hit my creative limit for a bit...lol. Tis all starting to sound the same in my head.
 catsmeow02
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 247
Diary of a Mad Man
Posted: 6/5/2005 6:51:20 PM
I am feelin the same way cross, I think me needs a break, I'm starting to repeat myself.
 CROSSFADE
Joined: 4/22/2005
Msg: 248
Diary of a Mad Man
Posted: 6/7/2005 1:37:32 AM
My tribute to "John.."


This is one of the few country songs I really like... been singing it all night (uugghhh)




AT THE SOUND OF THE TONE


I called her up to say I'm sorry, I just can't have lunch today
Cause the boss just called and he's flying in from L.A.
And as the phone rang, I remembered the time
How simple things used to be
Then her voice came on the line, not her, but the answer machine


Chorus:
She said, "I'm sorry, I can't take your call, cause I'm packing up to away
And John, if that's you, you'll just cancel the lunch anyway
Ah you used to find the time, but now you don't even try
So at the sound of the tone you're on your own...goodbye.

I ran down to the street and I caught a cab, God I had to get back home
But the house was empty, except for the code-a-phone
And as the tears came, I remembered the time, how happy we used to be
And I'll never forget the last words she ever said to me

Chorus:

She said you used to find the time, but now you don't even try
So at the sound of the tone, you're on your own.......goodbye
 CROSSFADE
Joined: 4/22/2005
Msg: 249
Diary of a Mad Man
Posted: 6/13/2005 10:35:26 AM
My Cryptic Question
***************

I sit here and look at this monitor. I see the reply above me. Shaking my head I light another smoke. Taking another drink of my diet pepsi I avoid the mirror. This keyboard is so damn dirty. I really should get a can of air or something.

MY CHEST IS ON FIRE!!!!!!!

Its odd, who would have thought that you could make so much money selling air?

I SWEAR TO GOD I CAN’T BREATHE!!!!

I remember jokes as a kid, all about selling air to someone. Now look whose laughing.

THIS IS GETTING SO VERY HARD!! DAMMIT, CANNOT ANYONE HEAR MY SCREAMS???

I have to do something with all of these papers around here. Folded gum wrappers with job prospect numbers written inside. Worn out post it pages with contact info of the few friends I have that I speak to regularly.

WHERE IS THIS FEELING COMING FROM? HOLY ****, IT’S BRINGING ME TO MY KNEES!!! I DID SO MANY THINGS RIGHT, HOW COME THIS IS SO WRONG IN MY LIFE NOW???

Maybe I could buy one of those organizers. Not unlike my day planner that I used to steady my ass on in this chair.

SOMEONE SHOW ME HOW THIS IS SUPPOSED TO WORK!!! I CANT ****EN BREATHE WITHOUT HER!!!! SHES GONE… WHERE AM I?? WHO AM I??? WHAT HAVE I BECOME? WHAT DID SHE RENDER ME TO???

Damn, It’s getting late. One more email, and I’m off to start another bold and adventurous day.

GOD I MISS YOU!!

Now where did I put my keys??
 CROSSFADE
Joined: 4/22/2005
Msg: 250
Diary of a Mad Man
Posted: 6/13/2005 12:39:29 PM
This was supposed to be a love song. This was supposed to be real.
You sang the verse completely wrong. What is it your trying to feal?

The blood that I spilled, in the years so far gone, wasnt meant for this.
The toll given out in days gone by, wasnt meant to wind up so duplicitous.

Can you control my heart? I know I certainly cant. Can you fix this pounding rain?
When you close your eyes, do you dream? Or are you like me, you revel in your pain?

This was supposed to be a love song. This was supposed to be so real.
This was supposed to be a life I would happily live, not something I wanted to conceal.

This love song ended a long time ago. Im sorry. But I need what you bring to this table.
This love song is over. I will take what is mine and slowly start to rebuild my life.

In a way. Your fixing things.
 mari_sam
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 251
view profile
History
Diary of a Mad Man
Posted: 6/13/2005 1:14:58 PM
Cross,

I can so relate to that last one, "In a way. Your fixing things."

That is such true statement.

Sam
 CROSSFADE
Joined: 4/22/2005
Msg: 252
Diary of a Mad Man
Posted: 6/13/2005 2:01:06 PM
When the fire began to fade. I lost all clues as to what I should do. Am I supposed to scream and run, or should I stop and feel the cuts across my skin? Pain is a part of breathing, you cant have one without the other. When I breath, I recall the times that my skin has been pealed from my bones. And I bleed.

When the fire began to fade. I lost every chance of me regaining a stability that I once dreamed of. I cant hide behind this mirror any longer. I cant sing this song, and expect you to keep dancing. Im just me, and at times, I do it all wrong.

I will ask that you come back to me, knowing that your going to say no.

I will continue to bleed, knowing that you will continue to grow.

When the fire began to fade, I began to degrade.

And inside I bleed. And outside I shine.
 CROSSFADE
Joined: 4/22/2005
Msg: 253
Diary of a Mad Man
Posted: 6/13/2005 5:31:43 PM

Is It Mad To Be able to understand you ......



No... but it damn sure helps...
 CROSSFADE
Joined: 4/22/2005
Msg: 254
Diary of a Mad Man
Posted: 6/13/2005 8:55:26 PM
Solomons Bath
*************

Make it gentle, yet make it warm. Close your eyes, lest the locusts swarm. Draw the water, let it pour clean and pure. Hold your breath though, lest you be found unsure. We do this, simply because its our lot in life. Pouring a bath, saving our souls, and offering up our wives. Ya, this is the lot that I cast. You wont understand this will you? You wont find the land for this will you? You can burn me when I show up in defiance. You can slay me when I have nothing left to live for. Yet I did what I was told to do.

Thanks Mike... I drew Solomons bath for you.....
 AngelicPassion
Joined: 2/25/2005
Msg: 255
Diary of a Mad Man
Posted: 6/13/2005 10:36:11 PM
Madness in Simplicity..Awesome writing Crossfade
 CROSSFADE
Joined: 4/22/2005
Msg: 256
CROSSED MADMEN.... MY TRIBUTE TO....
Posted: 6/15/2005 7:27:43 AM
The ship was tossing, and my mind was beyond repair. There was a signal in the distance, if only I could steer us there. The rudder was falling apart, the end was certainly near. The echoes inside my head, my men were dying in fear.

I gripped the wheel, as the muscles in my arms began to tear and fail. The agony that shot through my body, was another part of this hell. I couldnt control the mass, as it suddenly split in two. How many lives would I take, on this suicidal voyage to you?

Eternity is a story, that many a man wont search or even dare to tell. When that final lot is cast, who deserves heaven, who warrants hell?

I fought the rudder, pulling the wheel with all of my earthly might. There was such a slim chance of survival, but I wasnt prepared to die tonight!!

The rudder found its current, and the ship, she started to obey. I pulled hard to port, when I heard my first mate say...

"Captian, we cant make it... the shore is dotted with reafs and hidden rocks."

"Were going to make it mate, and if we dont, its to hell with me, lock me in the stocks."

The ship, she steered clean, and she floated all so true.
When we rested easily upon the sand, I didnt know what to do.

"Check the men, find out whom I have yet to burry..
And do me a favor mate, let me know, do it in a hurry."

The tales of the sea. The life I always wanted, given here to me.
More letters to write, and more stones to carve. My life here at sea.
 mari_sam
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 257
view profile
History
CROSSED MADMEN.... MY TRIBUTE TO....
Posted: 6/15/2005 9:11:22 AM
Cross,

Wow, Powerful writing!

Sam
 AngelicPassion
Joined: 2/25/2005
Msg: 258
CROSSED MADMEN.... MY TRIBUTE TO....
Posted: 6/16/2005 1:30:07 AM
Cross ..Powerful with depth...Awesome.......
 CROSSFADE
Joined: 4/22/2005
Msg: 259
CROSSED MADMEN.... MY TRIBUTE TO....
Posted: 6/16/2005 1:38:41 AM
Thank you so much ladies!!! Means a lot coming from two class acts such as yourselves!
 CROSSFADE
Joined: 4/22/2005
Msg: 260
CROSSED MADMEN.... MY TRIBUTE TO....
Posted: 6/16/2005 6:41:52 AM
They call it your ONE SHOT, deep inside you know its all you got.
That one chance, the one dance, either your going to make it or not.

Pushing the throttle, red-line racing. Forcing the envelope, just another dreamer thats still chasing.

Where are you, who are you, and please tell me what you've done.
It was all a game it was all a wash, but now its not any fun.

Sitting beside a phone, that doesnt know how to ring.
Standing beside a jukebox that has every song I dont want to sing.

Where were you, why did you run so far away?
Where was I, did I constantly lack the words to say?

We had it all at the start,
It was you and I bound deep inside my heart.

Did you grow away, did you go away, what did you want from me?
Was I just to far, just to close, I pray to god you will let me see.

Standing here, it hurts like hell... I cant let this end this way.
Son look at me, Im your dad, dear God, what are the words I need to say?

Dad you left, you said goodbye and you never saw me cry.
Dad you found my other mom, but you never heard me die.

Dad you failed, you did it all so wrong, who the hell are you?
Yes Im hurt, yes Im scared, but what the hell are you going to do?

Son, Im here, I never left, honestly I didn't have much of a choice.
Given more time, and my sanity, I would have taken the time for your voice.

Im so sorry, I did you wrong, but that was never my hearts intent.
So many things had happened, that slamming door wasnt what I meant.

I was there, Im always here. Your the blood flowing in my heart.
Forgive a broken man, take my hand, lets you and I restart.

Thank you dad, take my hand. Show me all the things I need to know.
Listen son, your okay. Im so proud of you, and I will be here to watch you grow.

Stay with me.
 mari_sam
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 261
view profile
History
CROSSED MADMEN.... MY TRIBUTE TO....
Posted: 6/16/2005 6:47:42 AM
Cross,

Beautiful write!!!!!!!!!!
Touches the heart!!!!!

Sam
 CROSSFADE
Joined: 4/22/2005
Msg: 262
DIARY OF A MADMAN
Posted: 6/16/2005 7:01:16 AM
Sitting there next to him... I wanted to turn away. This couldn't be. There had to be some other way.

Machines were helping him breathe. Drugs were helping him see. I wanted to leave, but his hand was still firmly gripping me.

He was an Ox. The things I saw him do. Sharp as a fox, and oh my god, the things this man knew. He was my dad.

Walking through the woods, I seen him get bit by snakes. Working his ass off in the yard, I seen him wear out rakes. No job to tough, not job to big. He simply worked his whole life, muscle and sweat, its what he came to give. He did it for his family, he did it for his pride. He did it because winter was coming, and he built us a place to hide. He was my dad.

The worked his fingers to the bone, and expected every other man to do just the same. He made promises and secured loans for hundreds of acres, simply on his name. He sealed deals with his handshake. He never learned how to write. He built a kingdom on his namesake, and he always did things right. He never cheated one single man. He never welched on a bet. He worked his own land, and he raised kids not to forget.

Machines made the Ox breathe. Drugs were given so that he could see. Just before I left, I will never forget what he said to me...

"Son... work for your woman. Stand tall for your kids. Keep both eyes open, thats what I always did. Dont take the favors in this life, just keep your hands on the plow. Im mighty proud of you boy. But its my time to leave now."

Thirty five years. He was never off of my back. Thirty five years of fussing, and now I can't get him back. All the whippins, all of the long talks that him and I had. In those last minutes, I realized what it meant... to honestly be a dad.



Happy Fathers Day Dad!!
 CROSSFADE
Joined: 4/22/2005
Msg: 263
DIARY OF A MADMAN
Posted: 6/16/2005 7:24:26 AM
Thank you so much Kurate. Your writes are very, very good. I appreciate you taking the time to read the ramblings of a mad man...lol.
 CROSSFADE
Joined: 4/22/2005
Msg: 264
DIARY OF A MADMAN
Posted: 6/16/2005 8:14:50 AM
They always asked my, why did I choose to go.
They always begged me, but they didnt know.

They didnt know about Sgt. Roberts and how he was supposed to be a dad.
They didnt understand about Pvt Arnold and all the things that he could of had.

I missed out on her. I let her slip away.
I lossed my chance with her. I held back what I wanted to say.

I wanted to hear "Good morning love. Sleep well my baby?"
But now I hear gunshots, while I eat my cold breakfast gravy.

Am I doing this for all my Sgt's and my fellow Pvt's, so they can be home safe?
Or am I doing this so that when I sleep at night, I have a bigger demon, to help me escape?

I walked away, thinking you would beg me to stay.
I waited on that peir, the day they shipped me away.

I suppose this is my torch to carry, maybe this is my lot here in this life.
I will serve my time in this land, so that Roberts can be with his young wife.

This is all I can do right now, I will do it for them, and I will do it at my very best.
I remember smiling, remembering Susanne. Thinking all about home, when the bullet hit my chest.

Congradulations Sgt. Roberts. Best of luck to you my friend, Private First Class Dove!
Do me one last favor if you will... Tell Susanne all about me, tell her about my love...
 lovsimplemen
Joined: 6/15/2005
Msg: 265
DIARY OF A MADMAN
Posted: 6/16/2005 8:34:17 AM
crossfade...wow...I love the poem for fathers day it really touched me ..
what the hell it made me cry like a little baby

AWESOME writing

Tonya
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