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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > He needs time to think..      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 26
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He needs time to think..Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
You believe he's 'scared' and that is why he keeps pushing you away?

Did you ever think he does not want what you are offering? Maybe he likes living with his parents and being dependent.

The right man and situation is out there for you, this is probably not it. If you need someone to care for get a pet, volunteer at a home for the aged or become a Big Sister. There are so many people out there that need love and a hug to keep going. You have that to give, try it and it will come back tenfold in the right situation.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 27
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/20/2014 2:43:24 PM
OP, this sucks, and I've been in your shoes more times than I care. It seems like every guy I truly liked has been treating me like your guy. From my experience (and sadly, I have quite a bit here) - RUN!!! Give him all the space he needs and then some, find someone else. It is torturous and pointless with guys like these. And it's hard to move on, I know. I reached out to a guy I really liked and dated for a while who was blowing hot and cold too, and after just a few hours of reconnecting, the same pattern emerged again. At least I can say I really gave it my all and tried repeatedly. It's no use, let him go.
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 28
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/20/2014 2:52:35 PM
While I didn't read the post in its entirety........

Whenever a man says he needs time to think.....or needs to take a break.....it means he wants his space.....without you in it.

This crap of "getting back together when he is ready" is a total load of bullsh*t. Basically he is keeping you on the string and his options open - waiting for the next best thing to come along - or so he perceives the next best thing.

He admitted he still has feelings for his ex.....what I have to wonder here is how long has he been separated/divorced from his ex wife? Are you sure he has been divorced for 3 years? From what it sounds to me.....it's more like yesterday if he is in essence texting the ex wife and still has feelings for her.

And he is still dependent on his parents after all this time??? Sounds to me like he is a Mama's boy......whenever she says "jump" he says "how high". - I dated one of these guys and trust me....Mama ALWAYS won out. Every time.

In essence, he has NO boundaries, no ambition, much less any drive to make his life better. He basically sounds like a pet project to me.

So basically, he walked out the door and said he was finished, so he is. Do NOT have any contact with him, and for God's sake and the sake of your sanity, do not chase him or even take him back if he tries to come crawling - no matter how much he begs. For if you do....you will be subjecting yourself to a boatload of drama, instability, and stress for a long, long time to come.

You need to work on your boundaries and find someone who is actually emotionally available to be in a relationship with you.

Do you really want to be someone's last resort? Do you really want to be last in line to Mama and the ex wife? Do you really want to be his fool??? Somehow, I don't think so.

Trust me.....it won't get any better with him
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 29
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History
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/20/2014 4:01:21 PM
It sucks when one falls in love faster than the other. All you can do is trust what he says, he needs.

Here’s one possible interpretation: He needs space to gain some clarity. He hasn’t had time to himself to just BE himself. He’s not sure of what he wants to do – not even sure it’s with you. It’s a ton of pressure: living with one foot in and the other out while your partner is ready to build a nest isn’t comfortable. Answering the many demands of his parents adds MORE pressure. Gawd, I can already feel the need for some time and quiet away from EVERYONE’s needs – let me grab some alone time to just decompress.

Now, he is either a jerk who is using the “time to think” dealio as a way of saying good-bye without commitment …
or, he is genuinely confused and can’t stand when he looks at the love in your eyes and feels guilty that he doesn’t feel the same way … yet. Ever? Some space let’s one feel their feelings.

Hard to do… give him space. Get on with your life. Not out of anger… just cuz that is what there is to do. Maybe he will come to realize he wants to commit to you – then he’ll come back in a much better place and space as his own man. Maybe he’ll realize he isn’t ready, or you’re not it.

You might not wish it, but it’s generally better to know some disappointing news than to try to build a relationship all by yourself. It takes two and he wasn’t in. Not fully in.

Yanno, transitions in one area of life often bring changes to seemingly unrelated things. Find some joy.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 30
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/20/2014 4:09:25 PM

It's hard for me as I have always had someone there . Someone to take care of; a spouse or a child. Now my norm has a void and this hurts more then I could've ever imagined.


OP, I have read everything you wrote and the above statement jumped out at me.
First and foremost. You can not change anyone else but yourself.
The need to "take care of", "my norm has a void", speaks volumes to me.
My sincere advice here is, to look within. WHY do you need to be a caretaker?
If indeed you have children then by all means it is your responsibility, to "take care of" them. If your need is to "take care of" a man in your life, then this can be a problem.
A man is an adult, and doesn't need you to "take care of" him. This may feel like love but in fact, it's a bandaid to heal your own wounds.

"Take care of" yourself, learn to love yourself, be happy with yourself. Look inside, discover the reasons you feel so compelled to look outside of yourself, for your own healing.

I sincerely believe you need the time to think.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 31
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/21/2014 12:02:54 PM
OP, based on what you have written, his needing space is not a good sign.

In your shoes, Id prepare to be alone for awhile.

Dont contact him at all. (people cannot miss what will not go away) If he does not reach out within a week or two of No Contact, it is a really bad sign.

Personally, the issue of him texting his ex and telling you he still has feelings for her, is a good indicator that while he enjoys you...he doesnt think you are the right one for him for the long haul.

While I know there are rare exceptions-if someone proposes that to solve a relationship issue, that space is needed? Well, that doesnt solve any issues, unless one of the issues is that one of the two is not in love.

I think this one is gonna hurt, sorry to say. Take care of YOU. Be kind to YOU.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 32
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/21/2014 12:59:05 PM

RUN!!! Give him all the space he needs and then some, find someone else. It is torturous and pointless with guys like these.


So if the guy is not ready to move in with the OP and play house on her schedule, it's all torturous and pointless? No wonder you women who are extremely desperate for an instant husband are single. You would be telling women to run if a guy wanted his girlfriend to move in with him and she wasn't ready to do it. But if it's a guy who isn't ready to move in and play house when a woman wants him to, the belief is the woman is automatically a helpless victim of a conniving guy. Believe that if you want. In the opening post, the OP said he was having custody issues with his kids, which probably means more court dates. Should moving in with the OP on her schedule take priority over dealing with his custody issues with his kids? When the guy was talking to his ex on the phone, it more than likely had to deal with visitation and custody issues concerning the kids. He shouldn't be dating if he has unfinished business to deal with, but that doesn't make him a horrible person that many people make him out to be.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 33
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/22/2014 7:53:18 AM

I am trying to prepare for the worst- him not to return. And try and hope for the best- him to return. It's hard for me as I have always had someone there . Someone to take care of; a spouse or a child. Now my norm has a void and this hurts more then I could've ever imagined. It really was out of the blue.


To put it bluntly,just because you are "used to taking care of someone" doesn't mean you should settle for this behavior.What do you want from this? To sit around and wait while he controls your emotions without thinking about your feelings at all?

'Love' is so blind! It's a shame that our common sense flies out the window when we are desparate!

Do yourself a favor,count your blessings he's left.He's obviously not ready to commit to you.Don't take it personally,just realize that unless you choose to hurt yourself more by waiting until HE decides your future,you are someone else's FUTURECATCH!

I suggest you find your PRIDE and DIGNITY and move on without waiting for one more second for someone who," needs to think".That really is just code for...I'm just not that into you.

And do yourself a favor,learn to think of relationships as an addition to your already complete life,not your whole life. :)
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 34
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/22/2014 9:43:55 AM

Like when I saw him texting a woman, I found it was his ex and he still had feelings for her. That was at 5 months. We worked through it. I feel its natural to have the feelings ; just don't act on them. You can stay friends and be supportive from afar.

How do you 'work through' your committed boyfriend having feelings for someone else? He either DOES or he DOESN'T have feelings for someone else, and 'working through it' doesn't magically change those feelings. What you did was ACCEPT it, put on the blinders, and stayed right where you were because you didn't want to dump him (which you SHOULD have done).

So this guy still lives with his mommy and daddy, can't say "I love you" after 8 months, had a teenage meltdown when you suggested he grow up and move in with you, and now Prince Charming is telling you "he wants space." Could he BE any less interested? I don't think so.

I hate to say it, but the man is SO clearly not into you - to the point where he can't even perform sexually with you. He doesn't love you and never lied and claimed he did, so he gets points for that. He doesn't need time to "think" about anything, OP. He just wants to break the tie with you so he can go out and explore dating other people.

I think the writing is on the wall and you need to read it.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 35
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/22/2014 10:07:12 AM

what's broken in this relationship that he needs to fix?

absolutely nothing. he can take any easy path he wants, and guess what? there's no punishment for doing so. he can fail to be an adult, refuse to be an adult...and his ass never hits the ground. there's always someone to be safety net. someone always accepts his lack of an answer for his actions.

his problem, is that there's no problem at all. who wouldn't like to live like a child, doing only what they feel like doing? children love playing adult, its why they have pretend phones, plastic tool kits, and the like. but taking a stand and living it, that's hard. that's why adults do it.

when people no longer accept his BS...he'll change real quick so his ass doesn't hit the proverbial ground. until then, he can stay, "substance free". by that, i mean he can be a person with little substance, but enough presentation.


+1

He doesn't want to be an adult and do adult-like things. You asked him to move to a house together, you essentially asked him to step up to the plate and be a man, he declined. You asked if it's time to see other people, he says no (just to keep you hanging), because he doesn't want to totally let go, he just wants you right there in the back burner.

I wonder, what exactly has he done for you and with you, for him to deserve you even answering his calls?

A decent man would respect and care about you enough to let you go when he can longer be good to you. Because every man knows when a woman deserves better than them, and they'd be the first to let you know. My ex told me about a year into our relationship, that I can do better. I never understood what he meant because I was in love and all I could think about was him. When a man tells you these things, believe him, it will come out in the wash sooner or later.

In 8 months, he has already demonstrated that he cannot be the man who can offer you a future, did you want a man or a child to take care of?
 MJD0679
Joined: 11/12/2012
Msg: 36
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History
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/22/2014 11:51:54 AM
Since the events on Friday, This being Tuesday, he has come over twice and we have talked. His heart wants to be with me. His head is fuzzy. We have plans to do something together this evening also. we have texted or called everyday; except one. I have made a list of pros and cons to make sure I was not delusional and wasting my time. We went through the cons one by one and discussed things, things he didn't know bothered me. He didn't know because I'm not one to make a big deal of things and could get through them. Up until now, he has been the one finding faults in me. And I have been the one changing. We discussed how we have the friendship that the best relationships are based on that last forever. His issue is the commitment. He says he needs to step back as the next move he makes will be life changing. If he decided to move in with me then his kids would be effected and his parents, not to mention his own goals. He enjoys sharing the bed with me, enjoys the inner jokes we have; all the good times. But from what I have gathered, his brain is in a constant battle of fear from the past women that have burned him and his heart saying he is in the right place. I am not the past. He is aware, he says he agrees, but I don't think he believes that. I have tried o tell him to stop running from things and go with what feels right. He has obligations to his parents. They help him with his kids, his troubled financial past- due t the Ex-wife. So he signed up for the job when he moved in. He has been divorced from his ex for 3 years. After a miserable 12 year marriage that he only stayed in because" death to part". the next big relationship was a long distance woman he felt he wanted to marry again only after 6 months of dating and she played games with his heart. Besides the 2 women , everyone else he has dated has been fwb. So I am understanding to his "step back" approach. but I'm not them. he has an goal to be the supporter of his family, own his own house, get custody of his kids. all which I support. I have advised him the grass isn't greener, but if you feel you need to see for yourself- then go try it again. I said if the exes are on your mind then maybe you need to revisit them- he said that door has been closed and hes not going back. He said he just needs to think. but he thinks - so I sit and wait. The last visit, He said he didn't want to visit if there were expectations. I advised him to use his best judgment as he knows I have them. But he came anyhow. We layed in bed, he told me about his day and then had an intimate oral moment. But no kissing, and when He went home, I advised him to go home as he was falling asleep in my bed, he gave me a hug and a peck on the lips. he hesitated. Today I told him I missed him in my bed as I have always slept better with him next t me. He told me he enjoys that as well.
He changed the anniversary of our relationship on facebook. Then he made that private. That hurt me. And I told him that. Asked him if that was his way of putting me in the friends zone- he said he never said that. I am taking it day by day. There is a lot of ups and downs still. And still no confirmation of a relationship continuing or ending.

I was advised to date by him if I felt the need. And by several others, so I went on a coffee date. I felt dislocated. When I was giving the guy a hug goodbye, I felt like I was cheating. I have been on the roller coaster now for 4 days. I see him coming back , very slowly, but still coming back. 9 out of 10 say run , and run fast. But I'm not a quitter. I signed up for long term. Hes just calling the shots.
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 37
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/22/2014 11:57:13 AM
Hes just calling the shots.

Yes, because YOU allow him. Where's your boundaries. OP? Are you not sure, or able, to draw your own lines in the sand?

Too much control being handed over to that guy.

Turn the tables.


There is a lot of ups and downs still. And still no confirmation of a relationship continuing or ending.

Uh huh. Again, you allow this mess.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 38
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/22/2014 12:18:13 PM
After a miserable 12 year marriage that he only stayed in because" death to part".


Did one of them die after all?



He has been divorced from his ex for 3 years.


Oh. Never mind.



He enjoys sharing the bed with me


What a surprise.

Let's see:



Up until now, he has been the one finding faults in me




Besides the 2 women everyone else he has dated has been fwb.




He changed the anniversary of our relationship on facebook. Then he made that private. That hurt me.




The last visit, He said he didn't want to visit if there were expectations.




And still no confirmation of a relationship continuing or ending.




I signed up for long term.


If this guy is A catch, I must be THE catch of the century.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 39
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/22/2014 12:47:47 PM
OP
IMO, what you need to do is fix your norm. I agree with others here who are saying you are more attached to the idea of a pair-bond relationship,than you actually are to this guy.
Fixing the void in your norm does not necessarily mean going out and finding someone else to take care of in a SO or parent/child type relationship. Just dating anybody who asks, because you think you MUST be paired up with somebody?

Look ,you aren't going to find a man or a relationship that is totally problem free but what you have here with this guy sounds very much like you have talked yourself into settling for this guy because you can't handle being a solo act.
I think at this stage of the game you NEED to get OK with being an individual rather than somebody's SO or parent. His need for space could be that blessing-in-disguise for YOU.
peace,love and tractors.
Cindy O
 prixio
Joined: 2/10/2014
Msg: 40
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/22/2014 12:48:55 PM
Futurecatch, I feel your pain. I have been there. You love this man, you feel attached. You have invested a lot of emotional energy into this relationship. The problem is that this is one-sided. He does not love you to the same extend. He is not invested into your relationship. He has not put emotional energy into the relationship. He is not allowing himself to be as vulnerable as you are allowing yourself to be. So there is an incredible imbalance. And you believe that if you are patient, loving and committed enough that he will come around and invest just as you have. But the chances of that happening are very small.

I have been where you are. With the same feeling of cheating when I went out with someone else. I felt I was cheating since I was committed to someone else. You can logically say that the relationship is not a committed relationship since he is not committed and he has taken a step back. But that does not change your feelings of commitment. For me, dating someone else at such a stage is not the answer. I have to let go of the relationship first. And that takes time. Meeting with him almost every day will not allow you to gain a clear head and perspective. Why don't you ask him to take that time he said he needed. Why don't you take a break of at least a couple of weeks? Give yourself time to find your ground!

This relationship is so clearly not meeting your needs. Once the pain of not being loved and considered is bad enough you may leave. But right now you are getting sucked into his pattern. Do you really want to be part of a miserable 12 year relationship? Because from where I'm standing, I can see why a relationship with him would be filled with misery! He has told you what a relationship is like. He has shown you what a relationship with him is like. Try not the ignore the writing on the wall. The longer the relationship continues, the more painful the ending will be.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 41
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/22/2014 1:13:15 PM
I'll add my 2 cents, like everyone else, to what the OP said:


I have made a list of pros and cons to make sure I was not delusional and wasting my time. We went through the cons one by one and discussed things, things he didn't know bothered me.


If I was dating someone, and she pulled out a list of things she doesn't like about me and wants to tell me about it-obviously in the hope of changing me to suit her fantasy vision of Prince Charming-I would add one more item to that list-being an ex boyfriend. How many women would appreciate a guy they are dating to pull out a list that lists all of her faults? What you see is what you get, and if you don't like it, hit the road. I won't discuss having my mind re-programmed to suit a woman's fairy tale fantasy vision of what a perfect man should be.



...he has an goal to be the supporter of his family, own his own house, get custody of his kids. all which I support. I have advised him the grass isn't greener, but if you feel you need to see for yourself- then go try it again.


What grass is greener than owning his own house, having custody of his kids, and being the supporter of his family? Is it moving in with you? Is that land of greener grass?



He changed the anniversary of our relationship on facebook.


What anniversary? Is it the anniversary of your first date or first text message? Who cares what date it says on FB.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 42
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/22/2014 1:24:11 PM
Besides the 2 women , everyone else he has dated has been fwb.

Make that 3, as that is what you are. Yeah he wants to do things with you, just not real things with you, you know, like things that lead into a prosperous future. He wants to hang out, stick it in, minimal effort, pull out whenever he wants, and keep you riled up. He can afford to have a "fuzzy head" because he knows he's got you in his hands, and you're not gonna go anywhere.

You don't see that?

A man who wants to be with you, wants everything with you. He can't even get his own sh*t together and here you come making life easy for him. Let me guess, because he is financially stressed, you've been sponsoring most if not all of the outings (if there are even outings), you guys probably just hang out at each other's place and have sex, and call that a relationship. Sounds very High School like, because adults don't do this, not when they want it to go somewhere.

This guy must really be good at something, to have you on a string like that.

So I am understanding to his "step back" approach. but I'm not them.

You make it so effortless for him. He tells you all this crap as a way to convey that he is scarred and YOU think are in the obligation of proving to him that you are different. It is not you who needs to prove you are different, it is HIM who needs to understand that you are not any of the women of his past, and treat you as such. You are being overstanding, to the point of short-selling yourself to someone who needs to work on HIS issues by himself, without involving anyone else in the mess.

He is not available (in all aspects), yet you're willing to conform to the scraps he can give you.

Oral moment? like it was mutual or only one of you got off?

You need confirmation of the relationship continuing or ending? News flash, you're just FWB, so the choices are, ending the friendship or ending the benefit, both or neither. His actions are that of someone who doesn't give a damn about you, he just wants to stick it in and you let him at it like you've got nothing better to do. Have some respect for yourself and date a man who treats you like a woman, not a high school crush who only knows his way to the bedroom.

If you keep offering yourself as if you don't have any value and he doesn't need to do anything for you (but be there), he's never going to do anything for you, it's gonna stay FWB, never going anywhere, never moving in, never anything. Why would he want to do anything if nothing will happen if he doesn't do it? He's gonna throw the hold "fuzzy head" sh*t at you and you're gonna go on standby waiting for him to clear his thoughts (meanwhile still wanting to f*ck and come over with "no expectations"). Gimme a f*cking break, is his d*ck golden?

How thirsty/needy can one be to accept being treated like less than a woman?

Sorry to be so honest, but I see for what it is as I'm not emotionally involved in the relationship. Take your emotions out of the narrative and read it like it's a friend of yours who wrote it. Would you recommend sticking around until he clears his head, or would you move on to someone who already has his sh*t together and can offer you a future? Some people just never get their sh*t together because their priorities always involve getting their d*ck/p*ssy wet (and whomever allow them to do it with little to no effort).

People who can only offer certain aspects of the relationship but not the whole thing, are f*cking material (if good at it), not relationship material, you don't get emotionally involved with them, you keep it simple and strictly in the bedroom.
 MJD0679
Joined: 11/12/2012
Msg: 43
view profile
History
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/22/2014 1:27:05 PM
The grass is greener.... to find the perfect woman. I support his goals, but he is not in a financial place. We have discussed how to start reaching his goals. He wants to start over his education, and his parents do not support that. I do. I also started bettering my self by going back to school for a better career. By me offering a plan B to his goals he feels like a charity case. Which I have explained is not my intentions. Why wouldn't I offer him to live with me if we were going to have a long term relationship? He could make my house his. He already started. He knows I don't need him financially, I need him emotionally.
In the past when he has been on the fence about anything we have discussed how to work our problems out. Pros and cons lists are something you do in what I feel are tough decisions. He has made them also, just hasn't put them on paper, he verbalized them. Everyone has things they like/ don't like about people. Its not about trying to change the person. I look at the list and try to decide is if its good logically.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 44
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/22/2014 1:27:15 PM
Well OP....he HAS shown you who he is. You have already stated that each of you have lists of things you want the other to do, to change. His solution to relationsip issues is to take a break. I really dont know what more can be said-this is just not going to work. Love isnt enough. Love has to be present along with trust, respect and acceptance. I have not seen the other components of a good relationship in your postings. The love you feel is not going to carry you through the hard times if there is not also acceptance, respect and trust in the mix. And this is only year one of your relationship...how bad will it be in 10 years? The frst year is supposed to be fun, getting to know/accept one another stuff...not all of this drama and BS...and asking others to change who they are.
 MikeTO12345
Joined: 2/9/2014
Msg: 45
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/22/2014 3:49:53 PM
Please, please, if you're going to quote people at least the quote tag! Here is the link shows you how, there is no excuse.

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts469064.aspx
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 46
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/23/2014 10:48:22 AM
belletresor has stated this very well.

Sorry to be so honest, but I see for what it is as I'm not emotionally involved in the relationship. Take your emotions out of the narrative and read it like it's a friend of yours who wrote it. Would you recommend sticking around until he clears his head, or would you move on to someone who already has his sh*t together and can offer you a future?


OP, you can rationalize/be in denial/make excuses for him, /wear blinders to his behavior, till pigs fly. At the end of the day, he IS who he is!

The advice/words of wisdom, you have been given here by 99.9% of those who replied to your post, have been brutally honest with you. No, we are not being mean. WE can see this from the outside.
Just as belle suggested, look at this from the perspective of, "What advice would I give my, daughter, sister, best friend, if THEY were in my shoes?"
 or_current_resident
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 47
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/25/2014 6:28:44 AM

It's hard for me as I have always had someone there . Someone to take care of; a spouse or a child. Now my norm has a void and this hurts more then I could've ever imagined



Thats all well & good but......there are also times when a persons self respect & dignity starts from within.....

And until then..... u can do all the hand stands for him u want, but that wouldn't change or help him. As he first needs to get his house in order, by himself.... [physically & emotionally ] before he pursue another person under his umbrella to share.

As hard it is for u to get him this space.....sometimes that is what the doctor really order.... to help cure the malady here, between you both.... one of the other hard pills to swallow for sure....
 Onceblumoon
Joined: 3/8/2014
Msg: 48
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/25/2014 8:18:00 AM
OP, I have a couple of possible solutions for you, while you work on the "void" you feel now that you do not have someone to take care of:

1) become a Big Sister. There are literally thousands of kids in this country who are waiting for someone to commit to spending time with them and mentoring them. This type of activity would likely begin to lift your self-esteem as well.

2) get a dog -- preferably a puppy or rescue dog that needs a lot of attention, love, and training. A dog is a great way to feel like you have someone to take care of. They have the added benefits (PRO on your list) of being absolutely loyal, emotionally available to the best of their abilities (considerable) ALL THE TIME, and requiring lots of time and attention to properly care for and socialize/train.

3) take up running. I have heard, and experienced on occasion earlier in my life, that running gives you a sense of calm and a runner's high (release of endorphins). It's a good escape and has added benefits of improving mental and physical health. I'm not a runner, so I walk. Even that is good.

But the dog, I think, would be most immediate in meeting your need to be a caretaker.

Give the guy a rest. Reset your heart. It will take time, but you are likely very very worth it; everyone deserves to be with someone who is 'into' them.
 Redspice66
Joined: 4/14/2010
Msg: 49
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/25/2014 12:05:57 PM
This happen to me and what I found out was he went back with his ex. When they say they need "time" "space" big red flags and you need to back off or you will get hurt. It makes it worse if you call, text and ask for an explaination. I should have left him alone. Otherwise they will feel smothered and leave all together, however you have a life. Don't wait for this person, move on date whatever. I wish I would have done this instead of wondering what I did. You did nothing. This person has issues and you deserve a stable relationship.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 50
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/25/2014 1:36:41 PM

Msg 56: But the dog, I think, would be most immediate in meeting your need to be a caretaker.


Her profile says she has a cat and dog. I don't like seeing advice about getting a pet as a quick fix to cure someone's issues. A person should get a pet only if they truly want a pet and have the time and money to properly care for it. It's like telling the OP to pop out a few more kids, hoping it will cure her blues.
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