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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > He needs time to think..      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 44
He needs time to think..Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Well OP....he HAS shown you who he is. You have already stated that each of you have lists of things you want the other to do, to change. His solution to relationsip issues is to take a break. I really dont know what more can be said-this is just not going to work. Love isnt enough. Love has to be present along with trust, respect and acceptance. I have not seen the other components of a good relationship in your postings. The love you feel is not going to carry you through the hard times if there is not also acceptance, respect and trust in the mix. And this is only year one of your relationship...how bad will it be in 10 years? The frst year is supposed to be fun, getting to know/accept one another stuff...not all of this drama and BS...and asking others to change who they are.
 MikeTO12345
Joined: 2/9/2014
Msg: 45
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/22/2014 3:49:53 PM
Please, please, if you're going to quote people at least the quote tag! Here is the link shows you how, there is no excuse.

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts469064.aspx
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 46
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/23/2014 10:48:22 AM
belletresor has stated this very well.

Sorry to be so honest, but I see for what it is as I'm not emotionally involved in the relationship. Take your emotions out of the narrative and read it like it's a friend of yours who wrote it. Would you recommend sticking around until he clears his head, or would you move on to someone who already has his sh*t together and can offer you a future?


OP, you can rationalize/be in denial/make excuses for him, /wear blinders to his behavior, till pigs fly. At the end of the day, he IS who he is!

The advice/words of wisdom, you have been given here by 99.9% of those who replied to your post, have been brutally honest with you. No, we are not being mean. WE can see this from the outside.
Just as belle suggested, look at this from the perspective of, "What advice would I give my, daughter, sister, best friend, if THEY were in my shoes?"
 or_current_resident
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 47
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/25/2014 6:28:44 AM

It's hard for me as I have always had someone there . Someone to take care of; a spouse or a child. Now my norm has a void and this hurts more then I could've ever imagined



Thats all well & good but......there are also times when a persons self respect & dignity starts from within.....

And until then..... u can do all the hand stands for him u want, but that wouldn't change or help him. As he first needs to get his house in order, by himself.... [physically & emotionally ] before he pursue another person under his umbrella to share.

As hard it is for u to get him this space.....sometimes that is what the doctor really order.... to help cure the malady here, between you both.... one of the other hard pills to swallow for sure....
 Onceblumoon
Joined: 3/8/2014
Msg: 48
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/25/2014 8:18:00 AM
OP, I have a couple of possible solutions for you, while you work on the "void" you feel now that you do not have someone to take care of:

1) become a Big Sister. There are literally thousands of kids in this country who are waiting for someone to commit to spending time with them and mentoring them. This type of activity would likely begin to lift your self-esteem as well.

2) get a dog -- preferably a puppy or rescue dog that needs a lot of attention, love, and training. A dog is a great way to feel like you have someone to take care of. They have the added benefits (PRO on your list) of being absolutely loyal, emotionally available to the best of their abilities (considerable) ALL THE TIME, and requiring lots of time and attention to properly care for and socialize/train.

3) take up running. I have heard, and experienced on occasion earlier in my life, that running gives you a sense of calm and a runner's high (release of endorphins). It's a good escape and has added benefits of improving mental and physical health. I'm not a runner, so I walk. Even that is good.

But the dog, I think, would be most immediate in meeting your need to be a caretaker.

Give the guy a rest. Reset your heart. It will take time, but you are likely very very worth it; everyone deserves to be with someone who is 'into' them.
 Redspice66
Joined: 4/14/2010
Msg: 49
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/25/2014 12:05:57 PM
This happen to me and what I found out was he went back with his ex. When they say they need "time" "space" big red flags and you need to back off or you will get hurt. It makes it worse if you call, text and ask for an explaination. I should have left him alone. Otherwise they will feel smothered and leave all together, however you have a life. Don't wait for this person, move on date whatever. I wish I would have done this instead of wondering what I did. You did nothing. This person has issues and you deserve a stable relationship.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 50
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/25/2014 1:36:41 PM

Msg 56: But the dog, I think, would be most immediate in meeting your need to be a caretaker.


Her profile says she has a cat and dog. I don't like seeing advice about getting a pet as a quick fix to cure someone's issues. A person should get a pet only if they truly want a pet and have the time and money to properly care for it. It's like telling the OP to pop out a few more kids, hoping it will cure her blues.
 Onceblumoon
Joined: 3/8/2014
Msg: 51
He needs time to think..
Posted: 4/25/2014 2:26:48 PM

Her profile says she has a cat and dog. I don't like seeing advice about getting a pet as a quick fix to cure someone's issues. A person should get a pet only if they truly want a pet and have the time and money to properly care for it. It's like telling the OP to pop out a few more kids, hoping it will cure her blues.


You took that wayyyyyy too seriously. Perhaps I forgot to add the "/gentle snark". The point was that rather than pour herself into the poor receptacle of a person who doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with her, she should seek some personal growth and fulfillment elsewhere. While I agree that getting a pet should be inspired by actually desiring one, and actually committing to the care and raising of that pet... To think that suggesting someone get a pet is even slightly the equivalent of telling them to pop out a few kids -- I just have no idea how to respond to that.
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