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 ladymercury
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 26
Is it me or is POF one-sided?Page 2 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
I also don't get messages anymore, which suits me fine as I'm only here for the forums.

The only advice I have is to take a step back and recognize that POF is not going to be the answer to your dating woes. It is only an enhancement to opportunities you may find elsewhere, with more traditional methods. It's definitely not the be all and end all but, yes, people have been successful finding love and romance via the web.

If it is one-sided then I hope it's tails. I always call tails with a coin toss.
 fieryredhead77
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 27
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/7/2014 4:25:07 PM
don't do a pity thread about not getting girls attention when you haven't fixed your profile from when it was reviewed. I will move you up on your profile review thread and see if you want to whine about how this site sucks or actually make an effort.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 28
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/7/2014 7:47:06 PM
Is it me or is POF one-sided?


It's not you, and it's not just POF.
Most online dating sites are one-sided.
According to Jon Millward's "Cupid on Trial" experiment (Google it for sobering reality) , women overall receive 20 times more first messages than men. Not 2 times as many, not 3 times as many, 20 times as many.
Every woman's experience is not exactly the same of course, but the profile review forum is overwhelming lop-sided in favor of men complaining that they aren't getting any results versus women complaining of the same.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 29
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/7/2014 7:47:18 PM
First off OP, pay no attention to the "viewed me" function - it means nothing, someone could have just been clicking through profiles (as I did yours, and trust me - I don't go that way LOL), and decided from your profile they aren't interested. If you walk into a crowded place, don't you look around the room at who's there? Does that mean you are interested? Too many people take "viewed me" too seriously (I have mine shut off actually, there's an option in email settings so you don't show up in someone's "viewed me list" even if you view them).

You've been here 3 months and gotten "less than 5%" responses back to your messages - that's actually pretty typical.

As to the "quit talking to me with no explanation, some have also blocked me", that's also somewhat typical - the internet has a tendency to make people "rude", not without reason - many women have experienced saying "sorry, not interested" to get blasted back at by men with obscenities and such, so a lot have "learned" by experience it's easier to just stop communicating and/or block than "explain".

"they seem to not like me even though I match what their profile says they are looking for"

Think of a profile as your online "resume" for dating... just like a job, the resume may get you past HR screening and in the door, but if you don't appeal to them in the interview (for reasons possibly unrelated to their 'job posting' (her interests)), you won't land the job. Same thing.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 30
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/7/2014 7:53:29 PM
I'm aware of only two ways the site is "one sided" by gender. Female users have the inane "flirt" message and they can attach private pictures to messages.

My guess is men click on more ads than women because men spend more time searching while women seem to log on to read new messages, possibly viewing the profiles of men who messaged them.

Earlier this week a local TV news crew reported that a study suggests men with deeper voices are considered less trustworthy! (When they segged to the weatherman, he spoke in falsetto to get people to trust his forecast)! It makes sense, given men with lower voices tend to have more testosterone, and other characteristics of high testosterone (beards, receded hairline, etc) are portrayed as negative, even criminal by mainstream media. But plenty of women would prefer a man with a Barry White voice over a Michael Jackson voice, I guess.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 31
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/8/2014 8:13:04 AM
Expectations = pre meditated resentment.

This used to be my profile header.

Maybe POF should allow users to block proactively. If I stumble across a profile of a man who is showing obvious signs of being here for far different reasons than I am here or the way he is presenting himself would be embarrasing TO ME, I should be able to check something off on his profile so that mine doesnt show up in his searches and he cannot interact with me. The fact that he can see me and even email me, creates a false expectation. In real life if a man's 'vibe' is creeping me out I can walk away and make sure I keep my distance. Online, that man can lob a message to me and then grow resentful when I delete/unread.

Of course this would only work if blocks didnt get counted and autodelete profiles. Maybe the system could differentiate between a proactive block and one done after contact was made?

Men, upon seeing a females profile that gives them the heebiejeebies should be allowed to do the same. (Ive seen many a female profile that would make me run)

I dunno, but something should change. The reality is, only a small percent of people who see your profile are going to want to know more about you as a result. Same as in day to day life. Do women see you and chase you around on the street OP? Do they 'swoon' after you, weak in the knees and stammer all tongue tied in your prescence? If not, I fail to see why you think your image here would create the same frenzy online.

The irony in all of this OP, is your fellow bros are the ones ruining the response rate. When I first joined POF, I replied to every single email I recieved. I lost count how many men would reply to my reply, all snotty like and accuse me of being a phony, using fake pictures, being too high maintenance, calling me a biatch or c unt...all because I replied with 'thank you for taking the time to write to me, I dont see us as a good match, but I do hope you find what you are looking for here, good luck!'. Over time you just get tired of the arguing, the constant attempts to sway your judgement call. I know that I am not going to be attracted to a man 5"4, sporting a toothless grin and wearing a dirty shirt in his profile picture. And I dont care how shallow that makes me look. No one with common sense would ever select that type of man for me and think I would find that attractive. I dont think they are lesser human beings, we just wont be sharing a bed together and I am not going to lead them on to think otherwise. I cannot control the fact that my not wanting to bed those men makes them feel like inferior beings. I dont feel inferior when men dont find me attractive. (for very long anyways)

I can see why some men feel online dating sites are one sided, but you dont have the full picture. Your experiences are not just the result of how women are acting online, they are also the result of how men act online. We are all in this together. If the shoes were reversed and your inbox's were always jammed full you would not be proactively searching and sending first e-mails. (at least, not at first) There wouldnt be enough time in your day to do that AND respond to the messages you were getting. (assuming you have a life outside of computer time)

The man Im dating-I sent the first message. I grew tired of responding to the emails I was getting, they were never from profiles I was interested in. So I stopped replying to emails from profiles I was not intrested in, updated my profile stating that if I didnt reply that I was not interested, and began my own searches. (I had to do something to save me some time to focus on the profiles I was actually interested in, instead of always wasting my time responding to the ones I didnt want to see at all) I too, got many unanswered emails. So what. All that matters is one did reply and we met. Three years later, still dating and growing together as a couple. I told him in my first email that I was more traditional but realised this was holding me back. He picked up what I was laying down right away and took the lead from that point forward. Me sending the first email did not put me in the mans role in our dating. All it did was tell that man that there was a woman interested enough to risk rejection and he ran with the ball. Thank Gawd!! LOL!!
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 32
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/8/2014 9:19:41 AM
Femaleconnection,

I get what you're saying, and I also wished there were ways of preventing certain gentlemen from contacting me, but here's a twist. What if said gentleman did not make an effort into this first attempt at making a profile? What if said gentleman undergoes a transformation (fixes his teeth, loses weight if he was morbidly obese, posts better pictures, re-writes his profile, etc), then he suddenly appeals to you, but since you had blocked him, you wouldn't know. Isn't that the premise of profile reviews?

If we preemptively block people from contacting us, not only will very few women appear available for contact for most men, but we'll also eliminate 90% of the men available in favor of those we wished to be contacted by (with no knowledge that they'd be interested in us in any event). So the effectiveness of such a method could annihilate anyone appearing as a match for anyone or have a list of matches you cannot message because of being blocked. It could potentially appear as if there are no women or very few women signed on to POF, because all others have eliminated him already. If this ever goes into effect, I can only imagine how many threads will be resurrected or started on the premise that there appears to be no women signed up for POF, lmao.

I'm not saying I wouldn't enjoy having such option, but it would cause for me to eliminate copious amount of people in one shot, without ever have gotten to know them.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 33
view profile
History
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/8/2014 9:52:34 AM
Great post "bucsgirl"!! I so agree with you, but then again, we know each other from long ago and have debated many a topic on here!!

The "Seek what you offer, and offer what you seek" attitude is the best way to approach getting to know others of the opposite sex, and before one even attempts to make that effort, one should do a true and honest self evaluation about what they actually have to offer, and have it verified by a neutral third party. To many suffer from self delusions that need a reality check before venturing into the dating world and stepping out without a foundation and game plan that has some chance of working.

cd
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 34
view profile
History
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/8/2014 10:41:01 AM
Thanks, c deacon! "before one even attempts to make that effort, one should do a true and honest self evaluation about what they actually have to offer" ahh...well that's usually where most fail out of the gate. Honest and self evaluation...right...I think most are under the delusion that online dating will be easier. Heck, we don't have to go get dressed, to a bookstore, we can order off Amazon, and they're open ALL the time! Going OUT to a certain place at a certain time, well that's just convenient, but you can login here anytime.

As you and I know full well, it doesn't work that way, however many treat this as an online ordering catalog for dates. For me, as a writer, my written communication skills are more refined than most, however, the other person's may not be. You have to put forth a TON of effort, be patient and just spend time here (particularly on the forums) and learn how to make it work for you. Most don't put in the time and just get frustrated because their expectations are totally unrealistic and vamoose!! They're gone!
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 35
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/8/2014 11:04:58 AM

If we preemptively block people from contacting us, not only will very few women appear available for contact for most men, but we'll also eliminate 90% of the men available in favor of those we wished to be contacted by (with no knowledge that they'd be interested in us in any event). So the effectiveness of such a method could annihilate anyone appearing as a match for anyone or have a list of matches you cannot message because of being blocked. It could potentially appear as if there are no women or very few women signed on to POF, because all others have eliminated him already. If this ever goes into effect, I can only imagine how many threads will be resurrected or started on the premise that there appears to be no women signed up for POF, lmao.


After the last few threads, I really hate to say this, but I agree with you on what would happen. But I don't think it would be all that bad.

Think about this from a guy. I'm 5'10, there's a lot of women out there who demand 6'+, but not all of them say so in their profile. Some want more fit and in shape than me but don't say so. Some refuse to date scorpios... You get the point.

Think of how much easier this would be for us guys if we were only able to find and message the girls who we match close enough to what they're looking for. What if they added rating their looks, and if you're not collectively considered attractive, you can only find the girls/guys who don't care?

I think if done right, being able to block messages before they send to you (more restricted than the basic filters now) and definitely block from search, it can make this site so much easier for everyone to find someone. Because then we can only message what might be interested in us, and only get messages from what we might be interested in. That would make you more likely to get messages from the right guys, and guys more likely to actually get a response from the girls they're interested in.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 36
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/8/2014 12:14:24 PM

I can see why some men feel online dating sites are one sided, but you dont have the full picture.



If the shoes were reversed and your inbox's were always jammed full you would not be proactively searching and sending first e-mails.


We do have the full picture.
Men send out the overwhelming majority of first messages, and women receive the overwhelming majority of first messages. Overall 20 times as many as men according to Jon Millward's "Cupid on Trial" experiment.
And most men receive a fraction of replies.


I too, got many unanswered emails. So what.


So given a choice, which would you RATHER have been doing, composing and sending out 100 uniquely tailored emails a week, week after week, for some unlimited amount of time, as some men do, or sitting back and reading 100 emails a week that were sent to you first, without any effort on your part after setting up the profile?

And if you asked 100 men whether they would prefer to compose and send out 100 emails week after week, or sit back and read 100 emails sent to them, how many do you think would want to keep sending?
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 37
view profile
History
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/8/2014 12:28:36 PM
Here's another novel idea.......how about instead of suggesting how the site owner could revamp his site to make it easier (in your collective opinions) to use or give a better outcome (for your purposes), wouldn't that time be better spent on learning how to use the site AS IT IS. It's still in the top 3 as far as membership goes, and it's free (unlike the other 2 in the top 3), so I'm fine with using it as it is. Sure it takes some time and tons of patience, but what do you get that's worth having doesn't take effort?

My suggestion would be to formulate some type of plan. For instance, if someone won't meet don't keep contacting them after a set time - like a week or two. Check out the regional forums and see if there's any events in your area, and if there aren't start a thread to see if someone wants to help you set one up. Don't limit all your social contacts to online only, get your buttcheeks out and meet people whenever you have the chance. You are in control, to some extent, you don't have to sit around and wait for someone to come to you or let people string you along. I cut off all re-contacters long ago. If I had talked to someone 6 months ago and they suddenly pop up in my inbox, first off I don't remember who they are off the bat and secondly, unless they were kidnapped......or in a coma.....then they're not interested enough for me to go to the effort to get ready and go meet them! But hey, that's just me and same goes for women and men. While I make few first contacts I do make some. It's just that usually men are the persuers, but that's not written in stone. If men don't like persuing then don't, but don't complain about it being stacked in women's favor, because all that does is let other people on the forums know you're a whiner and it doesn't add anything positive to your search.

Anyway, make some kind of plan, follow it for awhile. Then change it around, and repeat until it works!! No rocket science!

There, I think I said enough!
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 38
view profile
History
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/8/2014 4:55:40 PM
We could actually use what is, and set our own filters better, if all involved did not take it so personal and seriously. If your profile would be more specific, and your desires explained in such a way, that very few could misinterpret what you are really looking for, and what you are offering.

We could all do this, and I did try at one time to be more specific, but alas, I ended up making some upset because of what they said I wanted, and how I should be more "open minded" about possibilities. I have worked on my profile many times, and adjusted it as I have matured and experimented with outcomes as they produced themselves through meet and greets, dates, and blossoming relationships. It really does not matter in the end because even if one does what they hope is expected and wanted by them, others do not, and thus the house of cards start falling.

If I see one more "walk on the beach" or, "likes to travel" or, "looks younger than their age" or, "has no baggage", I think I will puke!! Can we not be more specific about what and who we want, and how that really is, compared to how that fantasy might look, and work on making what we offer specific enough that it leaves little to the imagination of the viewer, except for those that actually are within the right category?

As someone aging and in that shrinking height situation, I know enough to not get excited about women 5'8" or taller, because most like to dress up and wear heels and still look up to the one they are with. I also know that when someone says average in weight, given that the norm is a size 12 to 14 for women now, that pictures of a body shot must be there for me to even consider them viable for contact. I might consider myself somewhat athletic still, but would never put that down now because most women would not have the same definition as I would, for a mature middle aged man working hard at not being "Blimpy"!!

I could go on and on and on, from an experienced "POF'er", but I think you get my thought process, and hopefully we will all work on profiles and keep the "offer what you seek, and seek what you offer" attitude forefront and ever present within our own profile, and while searching for others. Either that, or we can all just become "forum groupies" and do the rest in real life.

cd
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 39
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/8/2014 9:34:53 PM
bucsgirl, you know what sound a plane makes when it flies over your head?

First off, being top 3 in membership, that should tell you something. As a user, you want these sites to have a high turnover, not high steady count. A high steady count means it's not working as far as people getting together.

You're right about stopping contact if they won't meet after a week or two, but you completely forgot that first even getting a conversation going is rare, and even harder to keep one for a whole week.

Getting offline, great advice. Too bad offline is the reason that a lot of people are here. I've said it before, you don't come to POF because you're meeting too many people and going on too many dates. I think it's a safe bet that the exact opposite is almost 100% more accurate.

It's not "learning" how to use the site. Find someone you're interested in, send a message, and wait. Not exactly hard. The perfect profile is meaningless to someone who only cares about looks. The best pictures won't up your chance for someone who's focused on specific personality traits. A thought out, detailed message is going to bore someone who was just looking for "hi", and "hi" is going to be too short for someone who's looking for a sales pitch. Everyone is different. There's no magical mix of profile or pictures that are going to guarantee success. Do whatever you want, it's up to that other person to decide what they want to respond to. It's really just luck of draw. Is this random girl you're messaging interested, and then is she going to keep up a conversation without disappearing, after talking a while, will she be willing to meet, and if yes, will she not flake?

Too many women don't understand how it is for guys. All we can do is send you a message, and then the ball is in your court. You ultimately decide our fate on this site. Either you talk to us, and it maybe leads to meeting, and even better an eventual relationship, or like a lot who respond, disappear, or even go on a couple dates then obviously get abducted by aliens because they need you to help save their home planet, or you just delete our message and just become another number on the count of no responses that we get. Now, guys do do this to girls too, but you don't understand the scale of it from a guy's POV. I've personally seen girl's inboxes. Showing 30 new messages. I've seen that same girl answer maybe 2, and then just delete the rest, not even open them, just delete. Now, what you have to understand, if we have 2 new messages in our inbox, we're the lady's man. 30, which probably no guy has ever done, you're a god to women.

Let's try something, to show you our perspective. Next time you go to your inbox, take the first message, and that's all you can talk to for the next week. All the rest, just delete, don't even open them, and definitely don't save them. If that guy disappears, then you just deal with that for the rest of that week. At this point, the only difference between you and a guy, is besides talking to this person that you aren't interested in, we went through the work of sending messages out to people we were truly interested in, and your conversation you're left with, that's the ONE that decided to write back when we lowered the bar and messaged some girls we're not really that into. The whole point is to take that CONTROL away from you, and let you only talk to one person since that's the most common male inbox, if there's even that 1 person at all. You don't understand our perspective of the site because even if you don't want to jump into bed with this guy that messages you, you still have the choice to just have a human conversation with him. You have a choice that very few guys get. We can pick who we message, but we can't pick who will message us. While true for women too, you still have a choice of guys, we have an empty inbox, or a bunch of dead-end conversations.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 40
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/8/2014 9:44:54 PM
My first message today, from a guy who had written to me several times before and I never responded because he is not my type. The message was "talk to me ****". Yes, that'll work.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 41
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/8/2014 9:59:12 PM
Hmm..I see a new message from POF in red on the top of my screen that says:

"36.7% of all long term relationships on this site are the result of a Woman Contacting a Man. Message People on this list Now!!!"

So clearly they are trying to press women to reach out and contact men.

When I was online dating, ALL of my dates were the result of me reaching out and contacting people. And for the record, I would say maybe 10-20% of those I contacted actually ended with a date.

I usually wrote back with something funny related to what I had read in their profile, or asked a question or sent a link to a youtube video I thought they might like..everything was always based on something I read about them, although in hindsight I'm not sure that was really necessary. I guess because that's something I myself always appreciated, I figured the men would too. Most would write back with a one sentence reply, to either quickly answer a question or to respond to a link I sent. My rule was, if they made no effort to "bounce the ping pong ball back" into my court with a counter question or some curiosity of their own, I would chalk it up to disinterest and move on. Some never wrote back at all. Some would look at my profile and not write back..it was a big mix going on. Usually nothing happened.

As far as the packed inbox...never experienced anything remotely close to that. Most of the messages were of the "hi" or "wassup" realm. Or an obvious scammer "Hi..I am John by name..I love reading the bible.." etc etc or a form letter "Your profile was a breath of fresh air, you have lovely eyes, I hope we can be friends..."

Maybe 10% or less were appealing enough to write back and at least thank the guy for writing. I got very spooked after a while about responding (here's why women don't respond) because many times a "no thank you" was not enough for people..they would write back and press for why I didnt want to talk to him. Some would lecture me on my lack of sex drive. Some would verbally berate me, call me filthy names and find me on other dating sites and message me with more nasty accusations. One guy I said no thank you to wrote back all upset accusing me of not liking him because of his job.

I didn't even know what he did for a living.

So yeah, some men out there get crazy when you turn them down and keep throttling you long afterwards. Who wants to put up with that? It's creepy and abusive. This all ties in with the "make women feel safe" thing. Some guys think it's the right thing to do to harrass and say crappy things when they dont get their way. And women respond in turn by being more self protective and cautious. I think the "no response" thing can be a great exercise in not taking things personally and exercising self control for both sexes.

Regarding the profile cliches....I personally love walks on the beach, I love to laugh and I look younger than my age! The other ones I think are great are "I'm living life to the fullest" and "I dont take myself too seriously."

An honorary mention goes to: "I work hard and I play hard."

So, that's the scoop.
 localRenoite12
Joined: 4/17/2013
Msg: 42
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/8/2014 10:05:03 PM

First off, being top 3 in membership, that should tell you something. As a user, you want these sites to have a high turnover, not high steady count. A high steady count means it's not working as far as people getting together.

You're right about stopping contact if they won't meet after a week or two, but you completely forgot that first even getting a conversation going is rare, and even harder to keep one for a whole week.

Getting offline, great advice. Too bad offline is the reason that a lot of people are here. I've said it before, you don't come to POF because you're meeting too many people and going on too many dates. I think it's a safe bet that the exact opposite is almost 100% more accurate.

It's not "learning" how to use the site. Find someone you're interested in, send a message, and wait. Not exactly hard. The perfect profile is meaningless to someone who only cares about looks. The best pictures won't up your chance for someone who's focused on specific personality traits. A thought out, detailed message is going to bore someone who was just looking for "hi", and "hi" is going to be too short for someone who's looking for a sales pitch. Everyone is different. There's no magical mix of profile or pictures that are going to guarantee success. Do whatever you want, it's up to that other person to decide what they want to respond to. It's really just luck of draw. Is this random girl you're messaging interested, and then is she going to keep up a conversation without disappearing, after talking a while, will she be willing to meet, and if yes, will she not flake?

Too many women don't understand how it is for guys. All we can do is send you a message, and then the ball is in your court. You ultimately decide our fate on this site. Either you talk to us, and it maybe leads to meeting, and even better an eventual relationship, or like a lot who respond, disappear, or even go on a couple dates then obviously get abducted by aliens because they need you to help save their home planet, or you just delete our message and just become another number on the count of no responses that we get. Now, guys do do this to girls too, but you don't understand the scale of it from a guy's POV. I've personally seen girl's inboxes. Showing 30 new messages. I've seen that same girl answer maybe 2, and then just delete the rest, not even open them, just delete. Now, what you have to understand, if we have 2 new messages in our inbox, we're the lady's man. 30, which probably no guy has ever done, you're a god to women.

Let's try something, to show you our perspective. Next time you go to your inbox, take the first message, and that's all you can talk to for the next week. All the rest, just delete, don't even open them, and definitely don't save them. If that guy disappears, then you just deal with that for the rest of that week. At this point, the only difference between you and a guy, is besides talking to this person that you aren't interested in, we went through the work of sending messages out to people we were truly interested in, and your conversation you're left with, that's the ONE that decided to write back when we lowered the bar and messaged some girls we're not really that into. The whole point is to take that CONTROL away from you, and let you only talk to one person since that's the most common male inbox, if there's even that 1 person at all. You don't understand our perspective of the site because even if you don't want to jump into bed with this guy that messages you, you still have the choice to just have a human conversation with him. You have a choice that very few guys get. We can pick who we message, but we can't pick who will message us. While true for women too, you still have a choice of guys, we have an empty inbox, or a bunch of dead-end conversations.



One of the better post I've ever seen on this site.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 43
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/8/2014 11:00:52 PM
I am not sure what men *want* when they come on here and complain about no responses, or maybe one a month, etc. That is exactly what I got when I was online dating. I figured this was just the average, for most average folks.

What do you guys want, just some sympathy, or for women to start writing back because they feel bad for you? To be forced into conversations they dont want to have? As a man, would YOU want to be forced to carry on talking to women you have no interest in?

Again, not sure what it is you want. I honestly want to know, not trying to be a jerk here about it.

 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 44
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/8/2014 11:05:13 PM

That's why women are so picky with who they chose to respond to. Why waste time bringing a man's hopes up when she is not at all attracted to him?


That's where you just use your words. Tell him up front you're not interested but still want to talk. It might come as a surprise but a lot of guys are still willing to just have a conversation. We don't only think in sex. Sometimes just talking to someone with no future of sex is a good thing.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 45
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/8/2014 11:09:13 PM
Trucker honestly..would you continue to have a conversation with a women you were not attracted to in the least? What would be the point? And why does a woman owe men chit chat and conversation when her time is valuable, she has goals and interests just like men do. Plus, the poster said:

"There might be people here looking for human conversations but most women are NOT looking for a conversation"

..so it's already been established that the opinion is women are not looking to just sit and chat to people they are not interested in.

"Sometimes just talking to someone with no future of sex is a good thing."

Yes it is. But not if one of the parties is *not interested.*

It's hard for me to imagine a guy chatting for hours with some woman he is turned off by just because she made the effort to write.

Again, NOT being a jerk here, I really want to understand this "women owe us" thing. There is this odd sense of entitlement/ownership thing going on here with what men expect out of women they dont even know. Like, all effort automatically deserves a pay off.

Does real life really work like this?
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 46
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Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/8/2014 11:34:06 PM

It's hard for me to imagine a guy chatting for hours with some woman he is turned off by just because she made the effort to write.


I would talk to a female friend that I grew up with or had things in common with. But honestly, half the time I won't even respond to messages my friends send right away because I'm tired or busy. I'm sure I'm not the only guy that has ignored messages on here or on facebook from women that we're not attracted to. I don't even think it's a good idea to answer people you're not interested in. You're either leading them on or they're going to start complaining about how they're not good enough for you. Guys need to realize that most women have jobs and don't feel like answering people they're not into any more than guys do. It's just a pointless chore. I don't think you can change human nature. The only thing you can change is yourself and how you approach things.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 47
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/9/2014 1:31:31 AM
Too many women don't understand how it is for guys. All we can do is send you a message, and then the ball is in your court. You ultimately decide our fate on this site.


I fail to see how that is all that much different from real life... you approach a woman at the club/bar, party, movie theater, grocery store, where ever you see one you're interested in, and try to start a conversation. She's either interested and you start talking, or she's obviously not (tells you, or simply body language can tell you in some cases) and you move on.

Difference here is, a lot of women have experience the 'backlash' effect of politely telling someone "sorry, not interested" and having that person blast back at them with foul language, etc, so they've learned it's easier to not bother with trying to be polite and just ignore/block them. Or if they do exchange a few messages some percentage of guys start asking for their bra size, favorite sexual positions, whether they can come over for sex tonight, etc. Blame your fellow "mankind" for that, not them.

Guaranteed most of them probably wouldn't go screaming at a woman who turned them down at a bar calling her a 'stuck up b**ch' in front of all the other women (and their other prospects) at the bar. Somehow it becomes "ok" online though.
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 48
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Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/9/2014 6:00:34 AM


In terms of women being selective on response, I understand that. Why should she risk responding to me when there's every bit a chance that someone better could send her a message in the near future? Incidentally, I think men need to be broader to who they send messages out too. Be more realistic.


I agree with everything you said except I have to SLIGHTLY disagree with that statement, which in the crux of the major problem most men have with this sight.
They think women are rejecting them hoping for a better offer and this is FAR from the case.
I have a little bit of experience with this because I had no problem getting responses from this site. Also, when I was "on the market" I was getting several first contact message a week from women.
I can tell you I wasn't rejecting women hoping for something better. When I was getting 3-5 messages a week, I chose which one I thought was best suiting to pursue and disregarded the others.
Imagine that on a grand scale of 50 to 60 a week.
Guys take rejection on a personal level when it shouldn't be.
Imagine going into a supermarket to the checkout counter. There are 5 empty stalls. Which one do you pick? Does it really matter? Picking one checkout doesn't mean you are rejecting the other 4 on a personal level.

Sure, women will like some profile better than others, but when there are literally 50+ interested parties writing them, it could be something as minute as someone living 5 miles closers, 2 inches taller, 10 pounds lighter, etc
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 49
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/9/2014 7:26:23 AM

Sure, women will like some profile better than others, but when there are literally 50+ interested parties writing them, it could be something as minute as someone living 5 miles closers, 2 inches taller, 10 pounds lighter, etc.


So when women say they are looking for The One, what they really mean is the most convenient One.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 50
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/9/2014 9:14:57 AM

Trucker honestly..would you continue to have a conversation with a women you were not attracted to in the least? What would be the point? And why does a woman owe men chit chat and conversation when her time is valuable, she has goals and interests just like men do. Plus, the poster said:


Yeah, I have. I do it all the time, both on here and offline. It's just called being social. Not every conversation has to lead to sex or dating. You don't have to be attracted to someone to just talk to them.
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