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 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 51
Is it me or is POF one-sided?Page 3 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

In addition, something should be said about nasty rejections. Some people, either temporarily or permanently, think that being overtly nasty is a good quality. If George Clooney or Johnny Depp sent them a message, he would get a nasty reply too. Objectively though, count up the number of messages that you sent and the number of abrasive replies and you will see that it isn't really that many. Disregard those. You don't have to get even. Chances are that some other guy already did it for you.


Also, girls, how is your situation any different than a guy not asking a girl out because he might get rejected?

There's some crazy people out there, especially on POF. Just remember, these guys' attitudes are the reason they're single. If they flip out, it's only words printed on a screen. Just close the email, realize you're better than them, and move on. But in all fairness, there are a lot of cases where the woman brought it on herself. You gotta remember, on the other side of the profile is a real person, with real emotion. Watch your choice of words, or lack of. What you think is just letting him down nice, he might take as a personal attack and get defensive. Before you hit send, or delete, really think about if that's how you'd want him to turn you down.
 OrvilleOinkdexter
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 52
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/9/2014 2:03:34 PM

But in all fairness, there are a lot of cases where the woman brought it on herself. You gotta remember, on the other side of the profile is a real person, with real emotion. Watch your choice of words, or lack of. What you think is just letting him down nice, he might take as a personal attack and get defensive. Before you hit send, or delete, really think about if that's how you'd want him to turn you down.


They bring it on THEMSELVES?!?! How do you know this? Or are you just making this crap up? Your posts really are disturbing.

There's not a woman on Earth obligated to coddle a GROWN MAN simply because she has no romantic interest in him. It's astounding that you believe a woman should feel THREATENED into doing so.

Unbelievable.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 53
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/9/2014 6:11:55 PM

But in all fairness, there are a lot of cases where the woman brought it on herself. You gotta remember, on the other side of the profile is a real person, with real emotion. Watch your choice of words, or lack of. What you think is just letting him down nice, he might take as a personal attack and get defensive. Before you hit send, or delete, really think about if that's how you'd want him to turn you down.


They've never even met you, they don't know you from a hole in the wall, your emotions are *not* their problem, they are *yours* and yours alone. If you take a nice rejection or getting your email ignored/deleted as a 'personal attack' or 'gets defensive' that's your problem for putting your emotions into someone who you don't even know.

If you've met them, had more than an initial meetup, maybe dated a bit, and then get rejected... different story, you've gotten your hopes up over a real person you've met and maybe started to develop feelings for, but seriously if you're getting all worked up over someone you've never met and developed any real feelings for that is *your* issue not theirs.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 54
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/9/2014 6:22:32 PM
I don't understand what sort of turn this thread has taken as I can no longer understand it-but I do agree that the idea that "a lot of women bring it on themselves" as far as men flipping out and becoming angry online is disturbing. No one brings on or deserves abuse from anyone, especially from strangers on the net ready to snap.

The "women bringing on themselves" thing rides dangerously close to women also deserving to be abused, attacked or raped because they somehow "brought on" a man's wrath.

There is NO excuse for anyone, man or woman alike, to attack someone else under the guise that someone else "deserves it"..especially when it has to do with someone like not replying to a message or saying no.

Yikes.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 55
view profile
History
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/9/2014 7:44:21 PM
The only reason a man should be on POF is to find random hookups. Despite what everyone calls it, this is NOT a dating site. It's pretty easy to find a girl on here for a random hookup as long as you don't mind dating down a bit. That is the key for men online, dating down. If a woman doesn't like your pics, she won't respond. Plenty of better looking guys already messaging her for random hookups, so she thinks she can do better than you. That's the game here, either play it, or leave. You won't change it.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 56
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/9/2014 7:48:15 PM
Wow. Proof of our failing education. Let me comprehend my last post for you guys.

I said there's a lot of cases where the women bring it on themselves. First off, that's not saying all women bring it on themselves, I'm saying that SOME, key word: "SOME" women instigate someone yelling at them.

Just because you're a woman, it doesn't give you the right to tell someone they're ugly, fat, a loser because they live at home, yet it happens every day. Sorry to say it, but if you make a personal attack on a guy, he has every right to make a personal attack right back at you.

It's the golden rule. Treat people the way you want to be treated. If you treat people like crap, then expect to get it in return. But no, a woman that treats people with respect doesn't deserve any of that. And 4th grade reading comprehension skills would have shown that the respectful women aren't the one's I was talking about.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 57
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/9/2014 8:27:15 PM
"It's the golden rule. Treat people the way you want to be treated."

Which is why you're personally insulting us and telling us we don't even have the reading level of a 4th grader.


Wah wahhhh
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 58
view profile
History
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/9/2014 11:04:59 PM

Wah wahhhh


Volcano girls, we really can't be beat!
 localRenoite12
Joined: 4/17/2013
Msg: 59
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/10/2014 12:30:17 AM
I think a lot of you are failing to grasp the frustration of all of this. People simply don't like it when they put effort into something and don't see any results. You wouldn't want to work a job where you didn't get paid, would you? I have a decent job and graduated from a top tier school with excellent grades, yet dating seems like a challenge some of use can never overcome or solve and no simple half thought out bit of online advice really corrects it.

It's tough seeing a girl you are attracted to and even have similar interests with not even acknowledge your existence simply because you're a number in a line . I understand women don't necessarily have it as easy as men in the real world and that men can react with hostility to rejections, but any acknowledgement can go a long way.

In all my attempts at dating, the whole experience really seems like the human element has been removed (both online and off). You have to act a certain way, wear certain things, and talk a certain way for are certain type of girl. Men have to do this set of things, while women have to do these another things. You have to follow the rule books of the game to get anywhere and all this frustration just builds and builds.
 OrvilleOinkdexter
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 60
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/10/2014 1:27:43 AM

Watch your choice of words, or lack of. What you think is just letting him down nice, he might take as a personal attack and get defensive. Before you hit send, or delete, really think about if that's how you'd want him to turn you down.


Do you see that in the bold text? "Or lack of". Those are your own words. Now, call me crazy, but this comes across as a warning to women that they had better respond or face the wrath of the individual who wrote them. No one should have to refrain from deleting and not replying just to avoid abuse. That's pathetic.

Oh, but let me guess. You've somehow been misunderstood yet again. Maybe you should watch your own choice of words "or lack of".
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 3/22/2014
Msg: 61
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/10/2014 1:38:36 AM

I think a lot of you are failing to grasp the frustration of all of this. People simply don't like it when they put effort into something and don't see any results.


Actually, I think a lot of people understand this. Online dating can be frustrating for many people......men/women.
Each has his/her own story to tell. I get it. But you don't give up, you keep plugging along and make the most of what you have. From what I have seen in forums, it appears the younger crowd has a much harder time connecting with someone and I don't know what the answer is to that issue. Personally Localrenoite12, you are an attractive guy with a lot going for you so I have no clue why online dating has been difficult for you or others like you.


There's not a woman on Earth obligated to coddle a GROWN MAN simply because she has no romantic interest in him.


Agreed!!! and vice versa. For me, online dating is a tool to meet men that I would normally not otherwise meet IRL.
Some people get so wrapped up in profile words and pictures that they think they have some connection with the person even before the initial email is sent. These same people feel so rejected when the other party is not interested.


You gotta remember, on the other side of the profile is a real person, with real emotion.


If people send a non-interest reply, hopefully, it's polite and respectful. But if it's not, WHO CARES. Delete, block, whatever....and move on.
 ouija2013
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 62
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/10/2014 6:02:21 AM
So some us bring it on ourselves. Guess we should answer
" you are insanely handsome and I'd love to meet you but I'm packing to return to the mother ship"

Your words are disturbing. Strangers are pushing your buttons.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 63
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/10/2014 10:17:44 AM
I send very few messages on here, With little response to any. It didn't take me long to figure out how everything works online. So I stopped sending any what so ever. Figured it was a waste of my time and I can do something better with it. The only dates I ever went on from this site were from women who send me a message first. I also must say I'm very picky and most of the messages I got, I weren't interested in them. I got a message on here from a girl that sounded interesting and we been dating for a short while now.
If it won't work out and I would be back on here looking I would still not send any messages. Being single with things to do and happy sure takes the pressure off from dating.
People work too hard to find someone to date. That's why so many are upset that they get no results or very little results for the time spend. I would agree that we as guys have to put a lot more work into it then women do. Its much easier to read a message then write one.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 3/22/2014
Msg: 64
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/10/2014 10:36:10 AM

I would agree that we as guys have to put a lot more work into it then women do.


No disrespect here, but it sounds like you don't put a whole lot of effort into the online dating process. Maybe you did in the past, but you don't now as noted in the following:


It didn't take me long to figure out how everything works online. So I stopped sending any what so ever. Figured it was a waste of my time and I can do something better with it. The only dates I ever went on from this site were from women who send me a message first. I also must say I'm very picky and most of the messages I got, I weren't interested in them.



Its much easier to read a message then write one.


That's a given....
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 65
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/10/2014 12:50:22 PM
Driving you are right I don't put much effort into online dating or in real life for that matter. I never in all my posts stated that I put effort or a lot of work into it. Why be one of those guys who do put all the work with little if any results, Then be all upset and pissed off about it. See I'm very happy with my life things go great for me. If I meet someone that makes me happy its great. I won't walk away from the right girl if she shows up. But that's not my first priority in life.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 66
view profile
History
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/10/2014 1:04:13 PM

I think a lot of you are failing to grasp the frustration of all of this. People simply don't like it when they put effort into something and don't see any results. You wouldn't want to work a job where you didn't get paid, would you? I have a decent job and graduated from a top tier school with excellent grades, yet dating seems like a challenge some of use can never overcome or solve and no simple half thought out bit of online advice really corrects it.


That's because people rarely actually apply the advice they've been given. People are stubborn and don't like to change the way they do things. They just keep repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results.


It's tough seeing a girl you are attracted to and even have similar interests with not even acknowledge your existence simply because you're a number in a line . I understand women don't necessarily have it as easy as men in the real world and that men can react with hostility to rejections, but any acknowledgement can go a long way.


Become good with women in general and then pick the woman you want from the one's you spend time with or date casually. The rich get richer and poor get poorer. It doesn't matter if you have similar interests or this or that. Like you said, you're thinking about a girl you're "attracted" to with similar interests. When you visualize the perfect girl with you, you probably don't think of a girl that weighs over 400 pounds. You'll only remain a friend to these women if you don't sub-communicate the type of status that appeals to women. Women will say things to test if you have a congruent character. Most guys are way too over responsive or seek approval from the woman.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 3/22/2014
Msg: 67
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/10/2014 1:44:33 PM

That's because people rarely actually apply the advice they've been given. People are stubborn and don't like to change the way they do things. They just keep repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results.


^^^Makes sense to me. Sometimes, I think some people get so wrapped up in complaining that I don't think they would know or do anything differently.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 68
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/12/2014 10:50:18 AM
Do you see that in the bold text? "Or lack of". Those are your own words. Now, call me crazy, but this comes across as a warning to women that they had better respond or face the wrath of the individual who wrote them. No one should have to refrain from deleting and not replying just to avoid abuse. That's pathetic.

Oh, but let me guess. You've somehow been misunderstood yet again. Maybe you should watch your own choice of words "or lack of".



Maybe you should put that in your profile as fair warning to anyone who takes the time to read it before answering your thoughtful message.

The quoted example of antisocial privilege is the reason why so many women here are better off leaving men with empty inboxes. WE have to treat men with kid gloves or they might get UPSET?? Because they sent us a message??? Ooooooh, rite. Yeah most of us have figured that out already. I almost gave myself a charley horse reaching for my violin.

I think men who write entire paragraphs of surly bombastic swill that demands how others should treat them just because they unilaterally decided they wanted a piece of the women they're accosting have a fundamental problem with their thought process. Nobody here is obligated to answer your messages, much less to answer them in a manner that pleases you sufficiently. This is self-evident to all responsible adults. Besides, most women don't want to date men who seem to have all the emotional endurance of a 5-year-old boy with skidmarks in his underwear.

In other words, move dafuk on.


What I'm saying, is don't be surprised when stuff like this happens. When conversation is already established, or maybe you've gone on few dates and decide to just vanish... What do you honestly expect to happen? Do you REALLY expect NOBODY to get mad that you're just blatantly ignoring them? The point of "lack of" is that there's situations where it goes past just being a first message you don't want to respond to and turns just plain RUDE. I've had more non-responses to first messages on here than I can count. I've never yelled at a single one of them. But the day after being stood up and still not even a sorry, or the decency to have just told me she changed her mind, yeah, I'll tell her off on my way out.

The problem, especially for the 2nd one I quoted, is this idea that it's always OK to just not talk. The first message on a dating site, fine, don't respond if you don't want to. After the second date, I think it's fair to expect to be told you don't wnat to date me rather than just complete silence.

THAT is why I said to watch your lack of a response. Just vanishing mid-conversation is worlds different from not responding to a first message. No, you're not obligated to answer a single message from me, but it doesn't mean that it's not rude to just disappear in the middle of our conversation. And some people react violently to stuff like that. But luckily for you, there's a trick to avoid it. Once a conversation is established, TELL HIM YOU DON'T WANT TO DATE HIM RATHER THAN JUST DISAPPEAR!!!!!!!!!!

We're not dumb. We know that your lack of interest from the start is purely superficial, because what else do you have to go on? Once we're talking for a while, we know what your sudden silence means, you're not that busy. You're getting yelled at because you have the way to handle the two situations backwards. You ignore the one's you don't think are hot enough to date you, and be honest with the one's you've been talking to. The other way around you're just losing interest in your conversation, and making it painfully obvious that he doesn't deserve the chance of you getting to know him to you. Do you see the difference? Are you really surprised that he got mad?

Again, you are not clever. We go through the same thing with every girl, we've learned to know what's going on.

This isn't rocket science. JUST READ!!!!!!!!!! You're only looking at one sentence, or one phrase and assuming the entire post. No different than the people who quote the Bible to justify being****. There's more, learn to put this stuff into context, which if you bothered to pay attention the the last sentence (that's the crazy things about paragraphs, they're complete thoughts, the first sentence introduces the thought, the middle builds on it, and the last ties the whole thing together, without the whole thing you're misunderstanding)... Think about if that's how you'd want him to let you down. If no, expect the chance of being yelled at. WOW WHAT A CRAZY CONCEPT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 OrvilleOinkdexter
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 69
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/13/2014 3:26:01 PM


This isn't rocket science. JUST READ!!!!!!!!!! You're only looking at one sentence, or one phrase and assuming the entire post. No different than the people who quote the Bible to justify being****. There's more, learn to put this stuff into context, which if you bothered to pay attention the the last sentence (that's the crazy things about paragraphs, they're complete thoughts, the first sentence introduces the thought, the middle builds on it, and the last ties the whole thing together, without the whole thing you're misunderstanding)... Think about if that's how you'd want him to let you down. If no, expect the chance of being yelled at. WOW WHAT A CRAZY CONCEPT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Perhaps you haven't noticed, but you follow a certain pattern with your posts. You make absurd comments, then further explain them with new details in the next post.



THAT is why I said to watch your lack of a response. Just vanishing mid-conversation is worlds different from not responding to a first message. No, you're not obligated to answer a single message from me, but it doesn't mean that it's not rude to just disappear in the middle of our conversation. And some people react violently to stuff like that.


Wait a minute. So, some react violently to someone cutting off communication mid-conversation, but somehow they can handle being told they're not wanted for dating? Bullsh*t. Anyone who "reacts violently" to a COMPLETE STRANGER THEY'VE NEVER MET ceasing online conversation with them needs psychiatric help. Period.

Jesus. Enough of the "you did this to me!" mentality already.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 70
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/13/2014 10:52:03 PM
You two have to be the same person.

Fine. Women on POF are PERFECT. They can't do anything at all to deserve someone yelling at them. If she drops the Nbomb around a black guy, is he wrong to get mad? If she's on a date with a guy setting up a date with another guy, is he wrong to get mad? Again, I'm not talking about just ignoring a first message. I even agreed that ignoring the first message is perfectly fine. But I'm also saying that after your second date with someone, silence is the wrong answer.

Except, I'm also not socially inept.
 OrvilleOinkdexter
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 71
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/14/2014 9:11:05 AM

You two have to be the same person.


I don't know what the hell you're talking about.


Fine. Women on POF are PERFECT.


Show me one person in this thread who has made such a claim.


If she drops the Nbomb around a black guy, is he wrong to get mad? If she's on a date with a guy setting up a date with another guy, is he wrong to get mad?


This is so asinine that it doesn't even deserve a response. I can't believe you even went there.


But I'm also saying that after your second date with someone, silence is the wrong answer.


Well, I am still saying "reacting violently" is the wrong reaction. TWO dates and you're going to allow a woman to have that much of an emotional impact on you? Why treat her like she was your only hope? She should be as insignificant to you as you were to her.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 72
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/14/2014 10:16:20 AM

TWO dates and you're going to allow a woman to have that much of an emotional impact on you? Why treat her like she was your only hope? She should be as insignificant to you as you were to her.


It has nothing to do with an emotional impact. This is just being rude vs not being rude. At some point, just ignoring someone is no different than closing the door in their face because you didn't feel like holding it. You know that saying, you have to have respect to get respect? There's a point where we're not just strangers on the internet anymore. That's usually the point where you start acting like you act with people in public.

At that point, it's rude to just ignore someone, and not surprising when they get mad. You brought it on yourself. Is it really that hard to not go out of your way to be a****
 OrvilleOinkdexter
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 73
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/14/2014 10:51:40 PM

It has nothing to do with an emotional impact.


Considering it's the perceived rudeness that triggers the "violent reaction", I'd say it has everything to do with emotional impact.

If a woman cut off communication with me after only two dates, I honestly wouldn't give a flying sh*t. At that point, it's very likely I may not even know her favorite color, let alone think of her as someone with the ability to shatter my universe or spark a "violent reaction" out of me by ignoring me.

Damn, if a woman has that kind of control over your emotions after only two dates, I'd hate to see what kind of basketcase you would be after four.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 74
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/15/2014 3:05:13 AM

It's tough seeing a girl you are attracted to and even have similar interests with not even acknowledge your existence simply because you're a number in a line . I understand women don't necessarily have it as easy as men in the real world and that men can react with hostility to rejections, but any acknowledgement can go a long way.


Oh, so you "saw" a woman (lets be honest here, you only "saw" the picture(s) she posted), and you "think" you have similar interests because of her profile (or maybe pictures). She sees your pictures and reads your profile maybe and decides she's not interested, and doesn't reply (and deletes and/or blocks you from future contact). Lets be honest, she is NOT INTERESTED - her reason(s) don't matter, why should she be obligated to 'acknowledge' you? She's not interested, period, end of sentence, no discussion needed, move on.

The fact that you are getting so worked up over "no acknowledgement" from someone who, quite honestly, you don't even know and who doesn't know you says a lot more about you than about them. They "owe" you nothing, they don't even know you and don't *want* to get to know you. Your "frustration" is not their problem.


People simply don't like it when they put effort into something and don't see any results. You wouldn't want to work a job where you didn't get paid, would you?


I don't expect to get paid because I sent an email to someone who never offered payment. I don't expect to get "hired for the job" simply because I posted my resume to an online job posting site. They might respond to my resume, they might not, if they don't I simply figure they're not interested and I move on - it might be "frustrating", sure, but that's life, I might think it's "rude" of them, but none of that is their issue, those are *my* emotions based on *my* expectations of some result/response.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 75
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/15/2014 3:17:53 AM
But the day after being stood up and still not even a sorry, or the decency to have just told me she changed her mind, yeah, I'll tell her off on my way out.


Gee, so you tell her off on your way out. And then you wonder why women don't bother with the "decency" to tell you she changed her mind? Maybe because they figure if you do, you'll "tell her off on your way out" too (as many do, based on my conversations with women on here)?


You ignore the one's you don't think are hot enough to date you, and be honest with the one's you've been talking to. The other way around you're just losing interest in your conversation, and making it painfully obvious that he doesn't deserve the chance of you getting to know him to you. Do you see the difference? Are you really surprised that he got mad?


Again, you're talking about "getting mad" - over a woman you haven't even met? Over a woman that made it "painfully obvious" she doesn't want to get to know you? *YOUR* anger is *YOUR* problem, not theirs to "placate".


Think about if that's how you'd want him to let you down. If no, expect the chance of being yelled at.


And again, you are talking about "yelling at" her. Anyone reading this could easily assume you are getting way too emotionally attached to someone you really don't know, who you even admit "aren't giving *you* the chance to get to know them (or them you, which they are under no obligation to)", and then let that emotion blow up in anger.

Do these explosions of anger/yelling happen in your actual relationships too? Because doing it when you don't even *have* an established relationship might lead one to assume the same about what it would be like *in* a relationship with you, wouldn't it? They're probably more likely to get your "telling her off on your way out" as... "damn, I'm glad I passed on that one ("dodged a bullet") or I might've been dealing what that if I dated them " than feel any "regret" over it. (And then, of course, the next time they'll just block/delete rather than risk getting "told off" again, so you are merely perpetuating the "issue" that you say you dislike - go figure).
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