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 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 76
Is it me or is POF one-sided?Page 4 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Normally, I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but I hope the few of you, your next boyfriend or girlfriend just vanishes without a trace. Then a few weeks later, you're out with some friends, and guess you you run into, who's out on a date. Just so you can experience "you should have told me"

You're assuming POF is the entirety of dating. Offline, there's an entire social world, where people typically expect each other to interact in a certain way. You're free to do whatever you want, but there's consequences to your choices, because SURPRISE you're dealing with real people. If you go up to a group of guys standing on the corner in "the hood", all dressed the same, and you tell them to grow up and get a job, expect to be shot. If you tell some random person in the store that they're fat, expect to be told off. If you tell your coworker how great her boobs look today, expect a lawsuit.

Again, I'm not talking about ignoring a first message on POF. I don't care wtf you do with your first messages on here. But once you move past the website, and you're no longer two strangers online, but now 2 people who actually know each other, you kind of have to know how to function socially, or don't be surprised when there's consequences to the decisions you make.

But then again, one thing I keep sticking to... There's a reason that every one of us are here.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 77
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Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/15/2014 11:33:04 AM

Again, I'm not talking about ignoring a first message on POF. I don't care wtf you do with your first messages on here. But once you move past the website, and you're no longer two strangers online, but now 2 people who actually know each other, you kind of have to know how to function socially, or don't be surprised when there's consequences to the decisions you make.


If you go on one or two dates, you're not girlfriend and boyfriend. Yeah, it's not exactly "nice" if they don't give you a heads up that they don't want to continue, but it happens. You're assuming that everyone has great social skills and manners. You probably dodged a bullet anyway. Seriously, if you have two dates with a woman and she disappears, just go hang out with the other women you know. It's time better spent instead of getting bent out of shape over a couple of dead end dates. Everyone has experienced the flake out. There's nothing you can do besides make other plans and forget about the person you had two dates with.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 78
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/15/2014 2:43:30 PM

Normally, I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but I hope the few of you, your next boyfriend or girlfriend just vanishes without a trace. Then a few weeks later, you're out with some friends, and guess you you run into, who's out on a date. Just so you can experience "you should have told me"


It's happened to me before... in fact happened to me once with a woman I'd been dating for 6mo's... sure, it pissed me off, but honestly that was my problem not hers. Did I "not like it", of course I didn't, but it didn't change the fact that it happened, and you get over it and move on. Holding onto some stupid anger over it isn't going to change anything, and probably would only make me bitter and carry that over into the future - which is going to do nothing but poison *me* over it.


You're free to do whatever you want, but there's consequences to your choices, because SURPRISE you're dealing with real people. If you go up to a group of guys standing on the corner in "the hood", all dressed the same, and you tell them to grow up and get a job, expect to be shot. If you tell some random person in the store that they're fat, expect to be told off. If you tell your coworker how great her boobs look today, expect a lawsuit.


So a woman breaks off contact with you... all this talk of "consequences"... consequences for who? For you, obviously, because you're dealing with your emotions. You want to make her have "consequences"? You want to shoot her like the guys "in the hood"? You want to sue her? You want to "tell her off" - go ahead, but don't expect her to respond, and don't expect that it's going to gain you any points with other women they might know - women talk, and 'stories' get around. A couple of the women I've met on here are "online friends" and I'm sure have talked about me, and I'm sure they have other friends... I think I'd rather have them think I'm not a vengeful person than someone who wants to make them have 'consequences' because it didn't work.
 OrvilleOinkdexter
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 79
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/15/2014 5:02:38 PM

Normally, I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but I hope the few of you, your next boyfriend or girlfriend just vanishes without a trace. Then a few weeks later, you're out with some friends, and guess you you run into, who's out on a date. Just so you can experience "you should have told me"


Wow, people here dare to disagree with you, and you have ill will toward them for it. Oh, yes, you're going to make some woman out there really happy one day! I can just feel it!

I don't know what the hell it's going to take to make you understand there's a huge difference between a boyfriend/girlfriend and someone you went out on two dates with.


There's a reason that every one of us are here.


No. There's not "a" singular reason. Everyone has their own reasons for being here, and they may very well not have a damn thing to do with your reasons for being here. I know it's difficult for you to believe that not everyone dates, thinks, believes, acts or reacts the same way you do, but they don't. That's a fact, and none of your capitalized lettered, exclamation point riddled tirades is going to change that.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 3/22/2014
Msg: 80
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/15/2014 5:17:42 PM

Normally, I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but I hope the few of you, your next boyfriend or girlfriend just vanishes without a trace.


Wow.....this is from the same poster who wants his daughter (when she gets older) to have a perfect (on the inside) boyfriend.......interesting....


There's a reason that every one of us are here.


Hmmmm.....ahhhhhhhhh.......It's an online dating site, it's a forums site.


Everyone has their own reasons for being here


^^^Exactly, but some people don't understand this or they wish to believe their reasons are your reasons.


Can anybody here give me some advice here?


Personally, I think too much time is spent on "why" someone did what he/she did versus chalking it up to experience and move on.....next! It's called the Dweller syndrome.....sometimes I get into this cycle but then I read these threads and I snap out of it right away. Thank you! :)
 localRenoite12
Joined: 4/17/2013
Msg: 81
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/15/2014 6:27:42 PM

The fact that you are getting so worked up over "no acknowledgement" from someone who, quite honestly, you don't even know and who doesn't know you says a lot more about you than about them. They "owe" you nothing, they don't even know you and don't *want* to get to know you. Your "frustration" is not their problem.


I guess it does say a lot about me if EVERY single women on here does this. I cannot comprehend the type of man they desire if every part of my being isn't worth a single word, oh well.



I don't expect to get paid because I sent an email to someone who never offered payment. I don't expect to get "hired for the job" simply because I posted my resume to an online job posting site. They might respond to my resume, they might not, if they don't I simply figure they're not interested and I move on - it might be "frustrating", sure, but that's life, I might think it's "rude" of them, but none of that is their issue, those are *my* emotions based on *my* expectations of some result/response.


This site is a product and this is one of the few products I can think of that doesn't even come close to fulfilling what it's suppose to. I guess that's how they make money though, by keeping "premium members" on here as long as possible because they know hardly any types of relationships come from this hole of a site.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 82
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/15/2014 8:37:22 PM

I guess it does say a lot about me if EVERY single women on here does this. I cannot comprehend the type of man they desire if every part of my being isn't worth a single word, oh well.


Your age group probably doesn't help, women your age (especially in Reno - I have a friend who lives there) are probably more out meeting people in real life rather than online. The ratio online gets less skewed with age.


This site is a product and this is one of the few products I can think of that doesn't even come close to fulfilling what it's suppose to.


X-Ray glasses, CDO's of toxic mortgages, and host of other things I can probably think of don't even come close to fulfilling what they were billed as. "House prices will always go up", that didn't play out well for a lot of people did it?

A lot of people show up here thinking it's going to be like "catalog shopping", pick a date and they show up on your doorstep a few days later by UPS, and if you don't like it you just ship it back for a refund. Doesn't work that way, they're real human beings on the other side who can choose not to. It is what it is, and women here (and of course more-so the very attractive ones) get a ton of messages - might be in the 'catalog' but sorry, 'out of stock'.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 83
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/15/2014 9:33:34 PM

So a woman breaks off contact with you... all this talk of "consequences"... consequences for who? For you, obviously, because you're dealing with your emotions. You want to make her have "consequences"? You want to shoot her like the guys "in the hood"? You want to sue her? You want to "tell her off" - go ahead, but don't expect her to respond, and don't expect that it's going to gain you any points with other women they might know - women talk, and 'stories' get around. A couple of the women I've met on here are "online friends" and I'm sure have talked about me, and I'm sure they have other friends... I think I'd rather have them think I'm not a vengeful person than someone who wants to make them have 'consequences' because it didn't work.


Ugh.... Now, if a girl just vanishes on me, yeah, I'll say something. Why? Because I'm thte one being ignored. I'm the one that to her doesn't deserve the truth. I'll treat her the way she treats me. That means that on the other side of the coin, if a girl treats me with respect, she'll be treated the way that some of you just assume that every girl should automatically be treated all the time.

I was taught since a young age by my mother to ALWAYS stand up for myself. Even if it's a girl, never be afraid to tell her off. A lot of situations I've ended up in, there's a few girls I'm friends with that I go to for advice a lot, and even they're telling me that I need to say exactly what's on my mind to some of these girls.

That doesn't mean that I'm gonna just flip out on you for no reason. I would never hit a girl. But if you're treating me with completely 0 respect, then that's exactly how much respect I have for you. I don't owe you being nice to you because you're a girl. Everyone gets it at first though, but once you blow it, it's gone. Someone I'm dating, we'll work through it and fix it, unless it's excessive, then I need to move on... But some random girl, someone I barely know, why do I have to hold anything back for you? Like someone else pointed out, after only maybe 2 dates, I'm not your boyfriend. There's no "we". If you do something to get me mad, how come I'm not allowed to tell you what's on my mind? What do I gain by not? The chance some girl I just lost interest in dating might want another date?

Now onto consequences. I'm not being vengeful. I'm having that backbone that so many women claim a guy has to have. Don't let girls walk all over you, but when they do, clearly I'm supposed to just let it happen, so that I can impress a couple of people on the forums. My point was that you don't know who that person is. Is the guy you're out with tonight a genuinely great guy, or is he someone who's one bad rejection away from snapping and you get to be his first murder or rape? Does he beat women? Maybe he kidnaps people and ties them up in his house and makes them his sex slaves. You don't know. So why would you even want to risk just pissing everyone off for no reason? But while this is an extreme, and rare, it does happen. What I really meant by consequences, though... You stand someone up, they're going to be mad at you. You make a comment about a flaw in someone's body, they're going to take it personally. You can't be surprised when the obvious outcome happens from things you do. People tend to not like just being blatantly ignored. In the normal fucntioning social world, that is one of the biggest shows of disrespect you can do, is to just ignore someone. Why is it so surprising that some people get mad?

If you treat people with respect, you'll get respect in return. If you treat them with no respect, that's your choice, but accept the fact that it might not end perfectly for you. The world doesn't revolve around you. There's an entire world out there. It's full of real people who have their own opinions. Our society, we built a bunch of "rules". Just like I'm not allowed to just walk up and grab boob, you're not allowed to just talk down to people, just forget they exist... You can, nobody is stopping you, but they're free to react as they see fit. Maybe their reaction is going to have some negative consequence to it and in extreme cases, jail, but they brought that on themselves, just like you brought their reaction on yourself by doing the thing that any normally functioning social person already knows is likely to bother someone.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 84
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/16/2014 5:49:23 AM

I can just imagine what you'd say if she would deign to offer you the truth instead of retreating to the safety of the void. I'd like to see if you could even finish the sentence without your head exploding. How much would she have to sugar-coat reality for you to save you from thinking you were disrespected in any way?


You're free to see my messages on here, or the texts in my phone. It's very civil. Usually just "OK", wish them luck, and move on.

I don't understand what's so impossible to understand the difference between some stranger on the internet, and somebody you actually know.


Someone's all in a tizzy about a woman who isn't even his girlfriend and now he needs to tell her off.
Dude you're like the internet dating version of road rage.


Again, after a few dates YOURE NOT STTANGERS ANYMORE! IT'S NOT ONLINE DATING ANYMORE! NOW YOU'RE AT THE POINT OF REAL WORLD INTERACTION!

FFS, I can see why some of you are single.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 85
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Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/16/2014 11:10:35 AM

That doesn't mean that I'm gonna just flip out on you for no reason. I would never hit a girl. But if you're treating me with completely 0 respect, then that's exactly how much respect I have for you. I don't owe you being nice to you because you're a girl. Everyone gets it at first though, but once you blow it, it's gone. Someone I'm dating, we'll work through it and fix it, unless it's excessive, then I need to move on... But some random girl, someone I barely know, why do I have to hold anything back for you? Like someone else pointed out, after only maybe 2 dates, I'm not your boyfriend. There's no "we". If you do something to get me mad, how come I'm not allowed to tell you what's on my mind? What do I gain by not? The chance some girl I just lost interest in dating might want another date?


If you only had two dates with someone, they're probably "disappearing" because they're also going on dates with other people or they want to let you down easy. Why would you even ask for an explanation after only two dates? The writing is on the wall. It's pretty safe to say they're not into you if they totally vanish. Instead of getting bent out of shape over something so petty, why not spend your time with other women? It's great to stand up for yourself when someone is being a jerk, but if she's spending her time with someone else after two dates with you, it's really not a big deal.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 86
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Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/16/2014 1:54:26 PM

That's for him to decide. He is the only one who can say if he was offended and how much. If the offence was significant enough, his call alone, then it is also up to him to select the appropriate sanctions.

He is operating under a firm standard, namely, that women should be called into account for their misbehaviour. It doesn't matter how many people think that women are always above criticism or approve of anything a woman does. He is not one of those people. In dealing with him they operate on his standard. If he finds them lacking then they are subject to his correction.


It's needy behaviour. All she's going to do is ignore him more than she's already ignoring him. I don't think it really does anything but reinforce a terrible frame of mind that discourages success in dating.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 87
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/16/2014 2:59:00 PM

zauberummichherum:
That's for him to decide. He is the only one who can say if he was offended and how much. If the offence was significant enough, his call alone, then it is also up to him to select the appropriate sanctions.

He is operating under a firm standard, namely, that women should be called into account for their misbehaviour. It doesn't matter how many people think that women are always above criticism or approve of anything a woman does. He is not one of those people. In dealing with him they operate on his standard. If he finds them lacking then they are subject to his correction.


Really, REALLY? Those people are not his Chattle and the only thing he can do is cut contact with them. If you act on what you posted, I see a TRO in your future, if not a Permanent Restraining Order. If that doesn't do the trick, then have fun Bunking with Bubba......
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 88
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Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/16/2014 4:42:56 PM

There is more at stake than success in dating. Some people make career a priority, Some religion etc. Some people make righteous justification to inflict punishment a priority. Dating isn't even a close second. Stoking the rage and piquing drive toward vengeance is the thing. Maybe the online one is unscathed but some snotty waitress gets pounded for making a face at him. Rightly so. She has proven herself to be an accomplice of the first and eligible to take the punishment of both. Granted, it doesn't do much for dating but who needs dating when force does a better job?


Is there an English translation for this?
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 89
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/16/2014 5:30:01 PM

There is more at stake than success in dating. Some people make career a priority, Some religion etc. Some people make righteous justification to inflict punishment a priority. Dating isn't even a close second. Stoking the rage and piquing drive toward vengeance is the thing. Maybe the online one is unscathed but some snotty waitress gets pounded for making a face at him. Rightly so. She has proven herself to be an accomplice of the first and eligible to take the punishment of both. Granted, it doesn't do much for dating but who needs dating when force does a better job?


I'd suggest simply leaving the waitress a bad or no tip, and leaving the restaurant... and then maybe entering yourself into a UFC match instead of engaging in physical violence with the waitress. Assaulting the waitress will likely wind you up with a bunch of jail time, and potentially being "Bubba's date" in jail - vs. UFC where the violent tendencies are expected and 'accepted' for he venue.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 90
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Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/16/2014 7:08:58 PM

Let's just put it this way. Any group of people who are openly and deliberately antagonistic eventually generate resentment and opposition.


I suppoose that's true. However, a woman that's turning down the sexual or romantic gestures of a man isn't antagonistic. They just aren't interested in a needy guy. They're definitely not creating resentment for their friends or the men they choose to date.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 91
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/17/2014 7:39:22 AM

It's needy behaviour. All she's going to do is ignore him more than she's already ignoring him. I don't think it really does anything but reinforce a terrible frame of mind that discourages success in dating.


Yeah, I don't know about "subject to my correction". But it's the same principle as you walking down the street and calling any woman fat. You get the respect that you give. I'm not going to go out of my way to warship the ground a girl walks on when she treats me like a joke. You guys are taking this and running to an extreme.

It's not being at the point of hurting girls, it's not being needy, it's just standing up for myself and nothing more.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 92
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Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/17/2014 10:15:38 AM

Yeah, I don't know about "subject to my correction". But it's the same principle as you walking down the street and calling any woman fat. You get the respect that you give. I'm not going to go out of my way to warship the ground a girl walks on when she treats me like a joke. You guys are taking this and running to an extreme.

It's not being at the point of hurting girls, it's not being needy, it's just standing up for myself and nothing more.


I have no idea what that other guy is going on about. I can barely understand his English. Of course you don't need to worship the ground any woman walks on. My point was that there's no need to be rude to someone that drifts away after two dates. That's normal in the dating game.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 93
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/17/2014 11:37:05 AM


They just aren't interested in a needy guy. They're definitely not creating resentment for their friends or the men they choose to date.


The problem with that approach is that not all needy guys are harmless. Some would say that Seung-Hui Cho was a needy guy and Marc Lepine was a needy guy. Some woman probably told them both that their neediness was entirely their problem. It didn't actually turn out that way though.

It just doesn't compute that the most desirable plan would be to make sure that women take every opportunity to set these guys off. The more of them they make the more there will be regardless of who the caustc females choose to date and treat decently.


Many serial killers have been "charming" guys to the people around them who had no idea.

I'm not sure what to make of your statement though, are you implying that women should "cater" to men because the man is potentially a (serial) killer or mass murderer? Should they then also cater to the man who attacks them and tries to rape them, because after all he's just displaying his "neediness"? If they start shouting/screaming as the potential killer/rapist is forcing them into a vehicle are they just being "caustic females", and it would be "more desirable" for them to just go along with it?

This is one of the reasons why you'll often see people online 'chastising' a woman who posts a date experience where she gives a guy online her address to pick her up, meets him for a first date 'hiking' (alone in the woods - isn't that a great setup for a serial killer?), etc - meeting for the first time in a public place is safer... after that they can judge based on "real life character" (which might still be wrong, as per my first statement). Based purely on online chats and maybe a couple phone calls you really don't get the 'visual cues' that can tell you more about a person (and your comfort level).

Now, lets say you went on a date or two with her, you don't know her address, and she decides she doesn't want to continue dating you, she's been on several dates prior to yours where she tried to politely ("catering to him") tell them she wasn't interested and they went off on her, "telling her off", etc - would you blame her for not wanting to go through that again? If she simply stops communicating with you, and you go "telling her off" nastily, aren't you in reality simply *reinforcing* her idea that she shouldn't bother trying to communicate, since apparently "either way" she gets told off? I mean, if you want to complain about her 'creating resentment', what were those other guys doing before you? And what are you doing "back at her" for simply stopping communicating? "An eye for an eye only winds up making the whole world blind."

Tell me, if you had a daughter and she went on a date with a guy and came home and said 'he creeped me out a bit'... what would you tell her, to "cater to his neediness" or to just avoid the guy? If she'd dated a few guys and tried to "end things nicely" only to be told off, potentially stalked, etc, would that 'color' what you would advise her in the future? Possibly to just 'walk away' rather than risk going through it again?
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 94
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/17/2014 11:55:57 AM
Yeah, I don't know about "subject to my correction". But it's the same principle as you walking down the street and calling any woman fat. You get the respect that you give. I'm not going to go out of my way to warship the ground a girl walks on when she treats me like a joke. You guys are taking this and running to an extreme.

It's not being at the point of hurting girls, it's not being needy, it's just standing up for myself and nothing more.


And yet, most fat women have learned to just ignore it (even though it *is* hurtful) and walk away when some guy on the street is calling her fat, or ugly, or whatever else - women (in general) are raised to be less confrontational than men, and in reality causing conflict will probably only lead to more insults/taunting back at them - so it's easier to just walk away. Reality is, she's probably politely told guys it's not going anywhere, and gotten "told off", she decides it's not worth it again and simply breaks off contact with you, and you "tell her off"... you've just proved her point that she made the right decision. Who knows, maybe she thought you were a decent guy up until then, just not right for her, and when her BFF signs up here to date and you email her she says "stay away from him, he's nasty if he doesn't get his way". So much for your chances there. Burning bridges isn't always the best tactic.

There is a time for 'standing up for yourself', and a time to walk away. Trust me, if a cop on the street tells you that you shouldn't be standing there or whatnot, and you start going off on them 'standing up for yourself' - don't be surprised if you wind up tasered and in the back of a patrol car on your way to jail (if not worse). In my younger years I watched many guys separated or taken away by cops in bar fights for 'standing up for themselves' (one guy bumps into the other, or his GF, the first guy 'stands up for himself (or his GF)' and starts giving the other person a hassle, the 2nd 'stands up for himself', and next thing it's a fist fight and cops are called - might've just been better to walk away/ignore it? - I'd note that in almost all of the cases, the GF of either was embarrassed and/or trying to stop/defuse the fight... who was making the better choice?)
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 95
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/19/2014 10:55:00 AM
Zaub
I feel it necessary here to put honesty above civility.
I regret having to make that choice.


Some people make righteous justification to inflict punishment a priority.

When I read your posts, I think I could understand how some people might do that.


Most women do not value positive interaction with anyone. Most women divide people into two categories... those they are entitled to use and those they are entitled to abuse. Genuine appreciation and civilized discourse is beyond them.

I can only speculate that women find you to fit in neither category, and that being so thoroughly ignored has led you to [mistakenly)believe that being obstreperous is your only hope for any kind of interaction.

The best adaptation is to accept it and gain your satisfaction where you can.

And this is YOUR satisfaction?
Yeah well-good luck with that.
Cindy O
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 96
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/19/2014 1:03:25 PM
Let me put it this way... This site has never failed me. I probably sent a dozen emails, met 6 women and kept one around for several months. All of the women I met were nothing short of outstanding people. They didn't mesh with me but all were smashing in their own way. None of these women told me to go to profile review or told me how selective and old fashioned they were. They were just happy that I didn't tell them what a good job I had or asked them to marry me the moment I showed up. Good Luck? Anyone would be hard pressed to improve upon mine.


Well, that's interesting, you "probably sent a dozen emails, met 6 women" - 50% is a pretty good response.
And apparently all of them were "nothing short of outstanding people", all "smashing in their own way"... but, then, how does that relate to:

Most women divide people into two categories... those they are entitled to use and those they are entitled to abuse. Genuine appreciation and civilized discourse is beyond them.

From your description, a whopping 50% of the the women you emailed, and 100% of the ones you met, were "outstanding" and "smashing", and yet you claim "most" women divide people into who they can use and abuse. "Most" to me really denotes a percentage greater than 50% doesn't it?

Females are taught from the cradle to be confrontational, bellicose and vindictive. Grrl power is all about how to promote and take advantage of conflict.

Again, quite interesting since you claim all 6 of the ones you met were "outstanding", and yet apparently they were taught from the cradle to be "confrontational, bellicose, vindictive", and to "promote and take advantage of conflict". How does that work? Or when you say "Normal every day skanky trollops ignore me to be sure" is that simply saying that the ones that don't want to meet you are instantly, in your mind, "skanky trollops" for ignoring you? Which, of course, says more about you than them probably.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 97
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/19/2014 1:42:33 PM

The trick is to understand that the domestic nightmare is over.


I'm sorry to hear that at one time you were in a domestic nightmare. I had that experience once, a long time ago. I got out and I got over it.
I went on to find a good relationship that lasted for over 25 yrs,and ended with his death. It was wonderful to know that such a thing can exist, and I also may have more opportunity than the average bear, to witness the very good,very long term relationships of others. Knowing what the real deal looks like keeps me from falling for counterfeit( which there are tons of those available). And I don't care anymore to be dating around just to be dating around.


She didn't ask me what I made. She asked me what I thought. I didn't ask her about sex. I asked her about herself,

Dude, this is not rare or unique. This is how it is SUPPOSED to be. I really, seriously doubt that 95% of the people on dating sites are so screwed up in their heads that they present and play out as "domestic nightmares".


and kept one around for several months.

Several MONTHS? to me, a successful relationship last for YEARS. Hell, I had offers of short term relationships, FwBs, etc coming out of my ears. For awhile this was great, I wasn't needing, wanting, or in an emotional position to do LTR.
But what I'm finding is that all too many guys thing that "keeping me around for several months" is all I should want-or expect.
And I don't want that.
I actually don't want the "tradcon" thing, the domestic whatever. But I do want longterm commitment- one would think that 2 mature and reasonably intelligent adults could manage to live their lives AND have a caring longterm partner without completely re-engineering said lives. But I'm often told that this vision is "unrealistic".

I don't care.

However, I refuse to let my experiences piss me off and turn me into a complete ol'battle-axe/curmudgeon.

I DO get what you are saying but I'm not sure I get why you seem so thoroughly pissed off at the whole wide world.

For me, the top level of good luck would be to find a love for the 2nd half of my life. But I consider myself to have good luck that I'm perfectly fine with being by myself if that doesn't happen, and I feel no need to try to make or force an unsatisfactory connection into being satisfactory.
And thanks, forums1, for pointing out what certainly appear to be inconsistencies in zaubs statements/comments.
Saves me from having to get up and be "confrontational, bellicose, vindictive". Not that I'm not perfectly capable of being those-as I'm sure many other forumites will attest!-but I don't think that we need to over-tax zaub with duplicate contention.
That would be ostentatious. pretentious, and probably somewhat rude.
Cindy O
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 98
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/19/2014 3:26:15 PM
When you send friendly messages only to women who are themselves friendly. communicative and predisposed to receiving pleasant email, then a 50% response rate is actually low. And believe it or not, women who are friendly in writing also make good friends in person.

Women who seem entitled, trashy, negative or demanding never got an email from me. Not for sex. Not for anything. I don't email pretty pictures. I email good persons.


Lets clarify that, since you are mailing a woman who you know nothing at all about (unless they are forum posters as well) other than a couple of pictures and a bit of profile text - so you really *don't* "know" if they are "friendly, communicative, and predisposed to receiving a pleasant email" since you really know nothing about them other than their profile - you just pick profiles that "seem" that way to you (not that they *are* that way necessarily). You'll find out if they really "are" those things once you start communicating (if they respond).

Not that I disagree, even when I was looking on here I passed by women who's profiles 'turned me off' for whatever reason, be it 'trashy pictures', or profiles with 'lists' of what they are looking for (even if I fit the 'requirements'), etc. However, that is just 'personal preference' really, knowing what interests me.

The ones that don't interest me, I don't judge them to be 'skanky trollops', 'crappy women', or anything else like that since, lets be honest, I've never met them or even interacted with them in any way, I'd be purely making a judgement on them based on a couple pictures and a few lines of text. I have no idea what they are *really* like, other than that they, in my eyes, have lousy profiles and/or maybe think that 'sexy/trashy' pictures will attract 'the right type of guy' (probably not). But hey, it is what it is, people make bad choices and bad decisions all the time, doesn't necessarily mean they are bad people, maybe their "bad judgement" in my eyes works well for them, I don't know.
 easterparadehat
Joined: 4/14/2014
Msg: 99
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/20/2014 7:12:15 AM
I get no responses from POF from men or the men who are doing the initiating on this website are at least one state away. I go to a paid website and get more responses. Don't assume that women get responses they want and don't assume they get a ton. I did this Internet dating thing in the 1990s when the web was new and I was a lot younger. When you get 35 and up it's way more women than men.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 100
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 5/20/2014 8:45:11 AM

When you get 35 and up it's way more women than men.


Statistically I don't think that's true, in general at younger ages (pre-35 say in your comment) men outnumber women by 3:1 or better (depending on age), as the age goes up it gets closer to parity (1:1) - reflecting that you probably would have had better chances as a woman of finding guys at a younger age than older. Of course past age 70 or so your statement probably gets more true since women in general live longer than men - dead men don't date , but that's when you start hitting lifespan statistics.
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