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 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 151
Is it me or is POF one-sided?Page 7 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
"So I guess night clubs I've been to don't favor women either-the clubs where women get in for free and guys have to pay a cover charge. I suppose they do that because guys have too much money that have to get rid of and women are poor."



LOL!

The night club owner only cares about what favors him or her!


Let's thinkt this through......How does giving free drinks to ladies work for the owner


Because the owner KNOWS that if the ladies come the men will come!


So this........" I suppose they do that because guys have too much money that have to get rid of and women are poor.".......is not what the business owner is thinking!


What he KNOWS is that while he may be giving away some cheap booze to the ladies, usually for a limited tme,.......the men will buy drinks AND buy the ladies drinks after the free drink period is up!


Now where you seem to have the problem is......Why do the men go where the women are at?



And why do men buy women drinks at a bar?


Human nature!


You could look at that situation as one-sided........or an opportunity......your choice!
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 152
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 7/19/2014 5:18:06 PM
kj521, you nailed it. It always surprises me that men don't realize this themselves - guys in general are willing to go to much, much greater lengths to meet and "get" women. They even travel overseas to meet them. In general, women just don't do it, because 1) they don't have to, 2) they are more at ease by themselves and are not ruled by testosterone, which makes men chase women if they like it or not.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 153
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 7/19/2014 7:22:21 PM
Since when does reproductive ability equate to value???? Dogs have an even more limited reproductive ability (due to shorter lifespan). So dogs are more valuable than women - got it. But wait; there is the Cicada which only has 24 hours to reproduce - all hail the Cicada.



... guys in general are willing to go to much, much greater lengths to meet and "get" women.


Some guys. Others of us have wised up.



Now where you seem to have the problem is......Why do the men go where the women are at?


When I am looking for a baked good, I don't go to the hardware store.



And why do men buy women drinks at a bar?


Because they were taught this behavior by ............................. their mothers?
 MasterOfReality84
Joined: 6/5/2014
Msg: 154
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 7/19/2014 11:36:08 PM
Btw, I'm not sure how but women seem to be able to use the "don't let people know I viewed their profile" thing for free, I'm pretty sure there is a paywall for me. And somehow older (40ish) and younger (teen) women are able to message me, but I'm not able to message younger women, not even behind paywalls, just good old age restriction BS. And most recently I noticed I'm not able to rate women's pictures anymore, but I don't know if women can rate both genders or it's the same for them...
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 155
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 7/20/2014 1:54:15 AM
[kj521, you nailed it. It always surprises me that men don't realize this themselves - guys in general are willing to go to much, much greater lengths to meet and "get" women. They even travel overseas to meet them. In general, women just don't do it, because 1) they don't have to, 2) they are more at ease by themselves and are not ruled by testosterone, which makes men chase women if they like it or not.]

Well do men even have an option since most women feels it's the man's job to make the first move and "their old fashion".? It's not like most men are going to have their inboxes filled with messages from women eager to bed them or taken them to dinner to get know them better. If anything it's usual "hi" or "hey there" and then they expect the guy to carry the conversation.

You're right women don't have to do anything, yet most of the time they **** and moan about all the losers that approach them. Look a lot women say they want want to find a good man, but in reality most women don't do jack to make it happen. They don't want to approach a man, they don't want to pay for dates, they join dating sites and then write the same tired cliche crap like "make me laugh" ( I'm still waiting for the ad from a woman who is looking for a man that she.can make dinner for ), when was the last time you heard a man say "all the good women are either taken or gay".
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 156
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 7/20/2014 4:29:03 AM
JoeBnD:


"When I am looking for a baked good, I don't go to the hardware store."


That is because you are a smart man! :) Now take it a step further.......Why are you looking for a woman to begin with?

Could it be due to basic human needs, desires, and drives?


And this......


"Because they were taught this behavior by ............................. their mothers?"


This may have a small influence in some individuals......but I thinking that the social construct, resiprosity, is more at play here! ;)



Nj2nt:


"Well do men even have an option since most women feels it's the man's job to make the first move and "their old fashion".


You always have a choice! :)



DravidC999:


Just something I have observed.......those who complain and are the most negative toward the opposite gender are usually the ones who have failed the most in love. Maybe it is time to look at you instead of continuing to commit a fundamental attribution error when attempting to explain and understand the behavior of others......just a thought! :)
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 157
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 7/20/2014 5:54:07 AM
Dravidc999:


"People come on forums to complain. "


Some do......but many come for insight and understanding!


And while you bring a unique perspective to explaining and understanding the motivations and behaviors of women......I would suggest you not attempt to make a career out of it! But it will serve you well as a justification of your own failures with women so enjoy.......it does serve a purpose for you! :)


And incidentaly, your attitude towards women also benefits women and society in general......by weeding out your genetics from the gene pool.......so thank you for that! ;)
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 158
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 7/20/2014 8:24:03 AM
Ruled by testosterone? Makes us chase women whether we like it or not?

Bull. Men with the most male hormones (receded hairline, facial hair, deep voice, etc) tend to have the most self control. The "men" who show the least control tend to have androgynous characteristics, perhaps because they have estrogen.

Cicadas are cool. "Happy are the cicadas' lives because they have voiceless wives! "
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 159
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 7/20/2014 8:32:06 AM

Just something I have observed.......those who complain and are the most negative toward the opposite gender are usually the ones who have failed the most in love. Maybe it is time to look at you instead of continuing to commit a fundamental attribution error when attempting to explain and understand the behavior of others......just a thought! :)


Usually, yes. This topic, no. There's even women who agree 100% with what he said. When even women are agreeing with what the guys are saying about women, there's probably a good amount of truth to it.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 160
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 7/20/2014 10:49:53 AM
I always wonder why the men who frequently complain that the women on POF are the most hideous, delusional and "bottom of the barrel" types that exist and go on how much better "foreign women" are (I'm foreign, BTW), are still on POF. I mean, why waste your time on here if you are so superior and all the women here are below you. Go travel abroad and get the supermodel you deserve and can easily get.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 161
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 7/20/2014 10:52:18 AM
Rockin-trucker82:


"There's even women who agree 100% with what he said."


Who's the "he" in this statement? Since you are quoting a response of mine to Davidc999's post #171......are you talking about him?

If so......could you please show any women who have agreed with anything he said in post #171?




The topic in my opinion, is an illusion of the grass being greener......And......if you really want to know if women have so much more "favor" in this World......become one! That way you can form opinions directly from knowledge and experience gained from the "other side of the fence" ! Lol


You see the reality is......Life is not always fair! I struggle daily with getting my kids to understand this concept!

And I have to explain to them each and every time.......what they see as "favoritism" may be a benefit or perk to a given situation but we live in a World of opposites and you can be sure negatives exist! We usually don't see or want to know the negatives, though, because we are so focused on our own unfullfilled needs and desires......



Live long enough and you learn to see and appreciate the fact that .....Nature does have amazing balance to it! :)


And as a p.s.......I don't think God was favoring women when he designed our bodies! It is just not fair that I can't pee standing up with any kind of accuracy. And don't get me started on giving birth or menstrual cycles! ;)
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 162
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Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 7/20/2014 12:26:45 PM

Bull. Men with the most male hormones (receded hairline, facial hair, deep voice, etc) tend to have the most self control. The "men" who show the least control tend to have androgynous characteristics, perhaps because they have estrogen.


I'm calling 100% bullcrap on this one. Is there any evidence for this or is it completely made up? There's no need to argue it since it's not factual, but if someone wanted to counter it, they could easily say that higher levels of testosterone can result in anger, mood swings and aggression.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 163
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 7/20/2014 12:48:33 PM
A little biology 101. I'm a nurse, we give testosterone shots for guys who have no interest in sex to revive their sex drive:



While testosterone isn't only about your sex drive, it's a big part of the equation. Testosterone prompts the growth of genitals at puberty and drives reproduction, says Robert Brannigan, a urologist at Northwestern Memorial Hospital and associate professor of urology at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine. Without it your penis can't operate and your testicles can't produce sperm. Low testosterone causes erectile dysfunction, in part, by dampening lusty thoughts and the desire to put them into action. If you have low testosterone, sex holds as much appeal as mowing the lawn.


http://www.sharecare.com/health/endocrine-system/how-testosterone-affect-sex-drive

Testosterone is the main reason guys will take crazy risks to get sex, risk their lives, careers, marriages, etc. Women, in general, do not go to such lengths and risks.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 164
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Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 7/20/2014 2:14:14 PM

http://www.sharecare.com/health/endocrine-system/how-testosterone-affect-sex-drive

Testosterone is the main reason guys will take crazy risks to get sex, risk their lives, careers, marriages, etc. Women, in general, do not go to such lengths and risks.


I think that's pretty common sense stuff. I'm not sure if there's a huge disparity between men and women taking risks though. There are many wives that cheat and professionals like female teachers will sleep with their students. Women will take risks for other reasons based on emotions. Some will travel a great distance to meet a man they feel they have a connection with or someone that would be a good provider.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 165
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 7/20/2014 3:51:39 PM

Bull. Men with the most male hormones (receded hairline, facial hair, deep voice, etc) tend to have the most self control. The "men" who show the least control tend to have androgynous characteristics, perhaps because they have estrogen.



I'm calling 100% bullcrap on this one. Is there any evidence for this or is it completely made up? There's no need to argue it since it's not factual, but if someone wanted to counter it, they could easily say that higher levels of testosterone can result in anger, mood swings and aggression.


It's just feel good BS that Balds Guys tell themselves, to feel better about their baldness.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 166
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Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 7/21/2014 5:01:55 PM
“If you seriously think that if POF gave men the flirt option it would ‘magically’ increase the number of messages and dates you get......well.....you should probably change your screen name!”

It actually might, which I say despite having historical knowledge that when POF did have “flirts” for both genders, it was a complete disaster. It would only work in a different type of environment, one in which expressed interest was the first line of contact for all participants and not just the lazy, shy or tired few. Which would essentially turn POF into Tinder or HON.

The thing is, the vast majority of women claim that it doesn’t matter what message a guy sends her – if she’s not attracted to him or turned off by something in his profile (that he has no control over), then she’s not going to respond – even if they have a million things in common – dating is initially about attraction, being friends is initially (and forever) about having things in common.

Yet at the same time, the vast majority of women also claim they feel cheated if men don’t make a proper effort to attract their attention. So “Hey” isn’t good enough from either a guy they find attractive (sometimes) or a guy they don’t find attractive – aren’t I worth more than that? Prove to me we would make a good match right off the bat. I’ve got 500 other guys, a dozen of them actually hot, banging on my door right now, so you have to stand out!

So these two conflicting concepts are what lead to most men’s frustration on POF (more so than any other site, due to the fact that it is the most popular free dating site): no matter how much effort we put into our first contact messages, the vast majority of them are going to be rejected due to things beyond our control, yet we still have to make that effort because the handful of women we message that would otherwise be attracted to us are turned off by the lack of effort.

The only way to “level the playing field” in terms of male/female online dating effort is to put the first thing first: mutual attraction. If users aren’t able to have meaningful contact with each other until both parties have expressed interest in each other, then both men and women will put exactly the same effort into online dating, at least initially.

This is the Tinder/Hot Or Not concept, which many online daters do look down on, but I think that has more to do with media perception and a lack of traditional profiles/searches than anything else. All you get on those apps are some pictures, an age and maybe a 140 character blurb. If you got a full profile and full search options like on POF/Match/eH/OKC but could only send messages to people who had already agreed to communicate with you based on your profile, then the concept would have a much better reputation.

I think it’s rarely been used in traditional dating websites because most men are full of themselves and think they have the power to persuade women to date them even if they don’t find them attractive (in real life situations, that actually does happen sometimes [I am living proof of that since I talked a model into dating me], but online? PRETTY RARE!). And I bet a lot of women get ego strokes from having their mailboxes overloaded every morning, even if it’s mostly guys they wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole – suddenly having only a handful of guys writing them doesn’t seem quite as cool, even if they are attracted to all of them. And the sites themselves don’t have much incentive to adopt this concept because it massively reduces site traffic, which is even important to pay sites: what are the chances I’m going to renew my membership often if nobody ever agrees to communicate with me? And on the other side, look how little time will be wasted by those who can get lots of connections and presumably successful dates – no need to renew your membership if you quickly get into a relationship because of the site! Successful dates are not good for business, so don’t be fooled: most sites discourage it as much as they can while still keeping you believing that they’re pulling for you and trying to help you out as much as they can! POF is the ultimate master of this.

I’m actually encouraged by this thread because several women actually said a “pre-emptive block” sounded like a good idea to them (progress in and of itself), which is pretty much exactly what the Tinder/HON concept is, in disguise: you are pre-emptively blocked from contacting anyone until the other person agrees to communication. It is a little different from what they suggested, which is if you come across a profile of a person you know you will never date, block it prior to that person initiating contact (which can be done on POF now, but unfortunately doing so has consequences and the blocker isn’t taken out of the blockee’s searches). The way Tinder/HON does it is just much less rude, since you never even know you get rejected after clicking “Yes,” as the matching is double-blind.

I never really understood why (most) women have been so opposed to this concept. After both people are notified of the match, it’s not like men still don’t have to make an effort with a first contact email and strong follow-up – if anything, they make even more impressive efforts since they know the women are actually interested in them instead of the shot-in-the-dark effort of a first contact in the current POF environment. I feel like, way down deep inside, most women just want men to work as HARD AS POSSIBLE to get dates with them and enjoy the fact that the online playing field is unlevel (despite claiming in the same breath that they hate all the undesirable and often inappropriate attention). I mean, shouldn’t the ultimate goal just be to get dates/relationships regardless of what effort was required to start them? Yet, more than once when I made this suggestion in these forums have declared that "men are just being lazy" by not wanting to do things the current POF-way.

I just don't get it.
 easterparadehat
Joined: 4/14/2014
Msg: 167
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 7/22/2014 5:23:34 AM
Actually way back when I was taking Anatomy and Physiology classes I and II in college I remember the professor mentioning that men have estrogen but much less than women and women have much less testosterone in men but that some women's testosterone may spike briefly when they get older in perimenopause and menopause therefore the reason why some women get some facial hair that is not the norm.
 imokurok77
Joined: 6/2/2014
Msg: 168
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 7/22/2014 6:59:26 AM

I feel like, way down deep inside, most women just want men to work as HARD AS POSSIBLE to get dates with them and enjoy the fact that the online playing field is unlevel (despite claiming in the same breath that they hate all the undesirable and often inappropriate attention). I mean, shouldn’t the ultimate goal just be to get dates/relationships regardless of what effort was required to start them? Yet, more than once when I made this suggestion in these forums have declared that "men are just being lazy" by not wanting to do things the current POF-way.


I'm SURE there are plenty of women who like the ego boost. But I think also, the forums here may not be representative of the 'women seeking mates' population on whole. I was getting VERY frustrated with the whole 'dating game' many months ago and I realized that part of it was my reading these boards while trying to date. The negativity/anger expressed here, the mean spirited exchanges, the men who seem to hate women, the women who seem to hate men - gack! - I found myself feeling more cynical, negative just from absorbing the words. So.... I took a break completely and then created a profile on a couple sites - using PoF ONLY to try to meet people, stayed away from the forums. (Now I am back on, very happy with how my situation is evolving so far and have found that 'in general' my more positive comments to a given topic are ignored, but I am going to keep banging my head against the wall and contribute - if it happened for me, I think it can happen for others!)

Back on topic -- I actually REALLY liked the 'mutual match' aspect of match . com (vs the shot in the dark here on PoF based only on a little pic). I only contacted men whose 'qualifications' I met and it didn't make sense to me when men contacted me who were wildly out of my parameters (age range was one of the things I was more restrictive on as was 'distance from me'). I would much rather have heard from one good prospect than a dozen ones that made no sense to me.

My subscription to that site expires today, btw. Since I was already hidden I clearly won't be re-subscribing and most of my emails in that inbox going forward will be match itself trying to 'woo me' back :) :)
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 169
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 7/22/2014 8:33:03 AM


This is the Tinder/Hot Or Not concept, which many online daters do look down on, but I think that has more to do with media perception and a lack of traditional profiles/searches than anything else. All you get on those apps are some pictures, an age and maybe a 140 character blurb. If you got a full profile and full search options like on POF/Match/eH/OKC but could only send messages to people who had already agreed to communicate with you based on your profile, then the concept would have a much better reputation.


Only thing is that it's still the "who's hotter" contest. They're going to pick the best looking ones, and then go for the ones that share that opionion (both men and women)

I actually had an idea for a site when I was thinking about getting into the online dating business. It would have been a different gimmick, but hopefully build the subscription numbers on reputation... You only get the profile, no pictures until way down the road (unless you paid extra every month), that way, you're building something on the person that they are and not what they look like. I really think that would be the best way to do it.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 170
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Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 7/22/2014 10:58:00 AM
“But I think also, the forums here may not be representative of the 'women seeking mates' population on whole.”

Oh, that is definitely true – it takes a certain type of person to wallow on down in this pig sty for hours on end every day. (Oink oink!) Nevertheless, the “jumping through hoops” attitude seems pervasive throughout the female gender, forums and far beyond. This comes natural to lower animals, but you’d think humans would be above it, that our females wouldn’t need our males to do mating dances and spread peacock feathers and wrestle for superiority, yet if you look closely enough, it’s all there – disguised as an “elaborate interest expression” on POF. Come on, boys – who can impress me the most with your witty allusions to the details in my profile? Top 3 go on to round 2, the rest of you are flushed down the toilet! GO!

“I would much rather have heard from one good prospect than a dozen ones that made no sense to me.”

This, of course, is outright logical. Therefore, it does not belong in the POF forums.

On the subject of Match: one major difference between it and POF is that POF has (a small number of) mail settings instead of “preferences,” and mail settings are absolute – if I am 36 and a woman has her mail settings as 25 to 35, I will never be able to contact her (unless she changes her mail settings as she herself ages), despite only being 1 year (or maybe 1 day) out of her range. With Match, I can still send her an email if she has the same age preferences, but it goes into “junk mail” that she may or may not check.

So if you’re an absolutist, then certainly POF is better for you. But in real life, most people aren’t “absolutists.” They often end up dating/married to people that they never would have even considered online because said-people were “not their type” according to some preconceived notion based on past experiences. I can definitely see both sides to this, though. The only woman I met from Match in the past decade had a minimum height “preference” that was 3 inches taller than me (even though she and I were the same height). 99.9% of the time I respect women’s “preferences” and consider them absolute and do not contact women I am supposedly disqualified from contacting, but I made an exception in her one case because she had something in common with me that was statistically almost impossible, and lo and behold, she actually checked her “junk mail” folder, found my email and responded to me because of that commonality, and a couple weeks later we met in real life – and then I blew it, but that’s beside the point – the point being, she herself only considered most of her “preferences” to be “preferences,” and a lot of men realize that many women think that way (but only about some things, and who knows what they are with any individual woman?). I think the best way to go about it from a website point of view is like how eH does it: ask you how important those “preferences” are to you, from “not really THAT important” to “deal breaker.” Users really shouldn’t be matched up with or allowed to have contact with “deal breaker” people at all, but those outside the “not really THAT important” parameters with no deal breakers should just be listed toward the bottom of matches.

That may or may not have improved your Match experience. I say “may not” primarily because what having many “deal breakers” often leads to is few matches and almost no one to contact. I mean, if you made NO good connections on Match this time around as a result of every guy contacting you being outside your comfort zone, then what would have happened if the dealbreakers had been enforced? You would have had nothing to do on the site for a month/3 months/whatever. Which, I should point out, is frequently my experience on Match: despite thousands of women on the site in my area, I can contact ver few of them because I am outside nearly all of their preferences, which I respect. Which is why I only get a Match subscription about once a year. Arguably, my experience on POF would be exactly the same if all women put their preferences on their profiles, but very few do since they are not forced to do so, hence the “shot in the dark," but I would much prefer the Match experience, because at least I'm not wasting hundreds of hours of time and effort on Match contacting many women that I know aren't interested in someone like me. POF is thoroughly exhausting for men in the bottom 1% (and not all that great for most other men in the bottom 50%).

“Only thing is that it's still the ‘who's hotter’ contest. They're going to pick the best looking ones, and then go for the ones that share that opinion (both men and women)”

And this is different from how POF and real life operates how...?

I will say the one big Tinder/HON flaw is that as with POF’s Meet Me, you only get one chance to say “Yes” or “No” – on most dating websites and to some extent in real life, people tend to start off with the most attractive options and work their way down after getting rejected or the situation not working out, but with Tinder/HON it’s too late by the point for many good possibilities that you realize you’re not as hot as you think you are. I mean, that’s how most people play that game. The only women I ever say “No” to are the women that there is absolutely no way I could ever see me dating them, and that’s less than 10% that I come across, so I never really end up regretting any borderline calls. But I imagine most other people are probably only saying “Yes” to 10% or less, so after they end up with almost no matches after a certain amount of time, they start wishing they hadn’t said “No” to a couple of kinda cute people. Therefore a true “Maybe” button is probably in order (not like POF’s “Maybe” button that is actually a “Yes,” but a “Maybe” button that causes borderline person to be put back in the shuffle for a later date).

Most people probably don’t care too much for being someone’s second choice, but I have no problem being someone’s thousandth choice.

Your idea probably won't work because not enough people are willing to revert to the days of newspaper personal ads -- looks are too important to most, and falling in love with someone without knowing what they look like rarely ever works out. But more power to you if you can get it to work!
 imokurok77
Joined: 6/2/2014
Msg: 171
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 7/22/2014 11:33:05 AM
I think the best way to go about it from a website point of view is like how eH does it: ask you how important those “preferences” are to you, from “not really THAT important” to “deal breaker.” Users really shouldn’t be matched up with or allowed to have contact with “deal breaker” people at all, but those outside the “not really THAT important” parameters with no deal breakers should just be listed toward the bottom of matches.

That may or may not have improved your Match experience. I say “may not” primarily because what having many “deal breakers” often leads to is few matches and almost no one to contact. I mean, if you made NO good connections on Match this time around as a result of every guy contacting you being outside your comfort zone, then what would have happened if the dealbreakers had been enforced?


I actually think Match allows that now, since I've never done EH (and that sounds familiar, saying if this is a strong preference or not when you fill out the profile initial about 'my match').

I've been dating awhile and realized that I didn't want to again date someone a lot younger than me (i.e. much closer in age to my kids than myself). I tried that a couple times (one disadvantage of IRL meets, it's not always easy to tell how old someone is) and I found that I had an issue with it that I just couldn't get beyond (call it my hang up - a couple young guys did :) ). Similarly, I didn't want to date someone significantly older than myself. I also found (from experience, again I tried it) that I wasn't built for an LDR. So, I had a reasonable mileage preference (don't recall if it was 25 miles or 50 miles). Other than that, I don't think I put anything as deal breakers. And I'm lucky in that I live in a place (DC area) where there seem to be a ton of single men, within 5-8 years plus or minus mine. I wasn't looking for someone 100% compatible, but 70% or more.

What I found MOSTLY helpful with match and stated preferences was that it kept me from contacting men near my age who only wanted to date someone 10-15 years younger than me or who didn't want to date white women.


Most people probably don’t care too much for being someone’s second choice, but I have no problem being someone’s thousandth choice.


All I care about is being someone's CURRENT choice.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 172
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Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 7/22/2014 1:52:29 PM
"I actually think Match allows that now, since I've never done EH (and that sounds familiar, saying if this is a strong preference or not when you fill out the profile initial about 'my match')."

If I'm not mistaken, Match only takes the "strong preference" information into consideration with your matches -- Match doesn't prevent contact if, say, you're black, and another person is white and has "strongly preferred" to only date white people, and this is also not listed as such on the profile (that is, the level of preference), so the black person could still contact that white person, if the black person did a search that included any white person (as opposed to a mutual search) and that white person came up. With eH, if you are black, you will only be sent profiles to contact that have not indicated a "strong preference" to only date white people. The way Match uses preferences is arguably only useful in determining who to contact (as you said) -- it does not do a great job of preventing unwanted contact, whereas eH tends to do a much better job in that regard -- and even POF does a better job with mail settings (but there are so few of them, only a couple of which most people think are useful).

Obviously, filling out all the questionnaires on Match and eH annoy a lot of people -- the simplicity of POF appeals to those who want to put as little effort into finding a date as possible, but arguably the simplicity just leads to more effort, because you have to contact a lot of people that will not be interested in someone with your characteristics, whereas on sites with big questionnaires, you can eliminate a lot of wasted time and effort, so might as well put the effort into it early on rather than later.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 173
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Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 8/3/2014 7:05:55 AM
I would think that, if some women expect men to give their absolute best effort in making a connection, that will eventually come back to haunt them. A few that did it to me got a hardy "bronx cheer" from me. Go play hard to get with someone else, you'll turn out to be not worth the effort.
Just a simple yes/no check box at the end of every message would give us a definitive answer. Granted, it's cold, much like jerking a splinter out. Add the block feature to the no, and the nasty replies, rude and nude photos won't get through.
 jmugirl03
Joined: 3/20/2012
Msg: 174
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 8/3/2014 1:59:41 PM
I consider myself reasonably attractive, intelligent, and fun. I get maybe 4 emails a week from here or okc. I have more success when I email guys - so I have emailed a TON of guys. I get a few responses back, and of those, maybe half wind up in real conversation. Anyway, moral of the story is, not ALL women are just flooded with messages. I WISH I had that problem!! So take a shot anyway, a lot of us are in the same boat :)

I would say that you really should check out the girl's profile first just to make sure you're not completely mismatched. I get emails from guys who clearly haven't read my profile or really viewed my photos. I mean, I'm clearly not a bad biker chick lol but I get messages from guys who must hope that I will be one ;)
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 175
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 8/3/2014 5:35:08 PM

I consider myself reasonably attractive, intelligent, and fun. I get maybe 4 emails a week from here or okc. I have more success when I email guys - so I have emailed a TON of guys. I get a few responses back, and of those, maybe half wind up in real conversation. Anyway, moral of the story is, not ALL women are just flooded with messages. I WISH I had that problem!! So take a shot anyway, a lot of us are in the same boat :)


Go to the gym every day, get a nice fit body, and then come back and say you're having that problem. Guys and girls on here are the same in that it's physical perfection or I'd never date you. You have a gut, they're going to go through every girl without one first, just like a lot of these girls have to go through every guy who's in the gym every day first. These people aren't going to settle for someone with a gut when they have a list of people without one. If you're like me, and not photogenic, you're screwed.

But anyway, those responses, why aren't they going anywhere? And 4 a week, not bad... Compare what you get to what I get, and your opportunities to mine, I'd take being on your side of the site any day. There's just too many better guys that are going to come along on here, that's the downside to having high numbers.
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