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 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 176
Is it me or is POF one-sided?Page 8 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

I get maybe 4 emails a week from here or okc.


That's still more than many men get. There are men that get 4 emails per month or less.
 easterparadehat
Joined: 4/14/2014
Msg: 177
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 8/3/2014 9:18:52 PM
So if men don't get more than 4 emails in a few months, a bulb should go off in their head to be proactive or to make an effort in real non-electronic world to meet others.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 178
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 8/8/2014 8:55:52 AM

Just never give up, you never know, that girls profile you're looking at right now might just be the one. I hold that hope in me everyday.


Finally, someone that has not given up, that keeps trying.

And the reality is that luck favors the persistent. Realize also that there only one REAL failure, and that is to give up. Every other encounter, rejection, meeting that went south, conversation that went no where, is a learning experience that will get you closer to your goal.

If you want to date very attractive women, then befriend very attractive women, and tread them like s h it. I am kidding, but I have a point. When you talk to these women like they are your buddies, like you do not give a da mn, like you do not drool about them, or put them on a pedestal, they begin to see you as a person, as a guy, as someone that they may want to kiss, spend time with and even make love to.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 179
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 8/8/2014 9:05:29 AM

If you want to date very attractive women, then befriend very attractive women, and tread them like s h it. I am kidding, but I have a point. When you talk to these women like they are your buddies, like you do not give a da mn, like you do not drool about them, or put them on a pedestal, they begin to see you as a person, as a guy, as someone that they may want to kiss, spend time with and even make love to.


Just not from POF, because on here, girls DO require that guys are hot, in shape, drive, live on their own, just to be friends. You have to jump through the same hoops to NEVER have sex with the girl as you do to date her.

I'm not sure that too much of POF agrees on the definition of "friend"
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 180
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Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 8/10/2014 2:46:18 AM
Mess 200

Ah the old 10-1 ratio argument (or indeed any number where men outnumber women) where have I heard that before? lol. Don't know about the US but I see loads of female profiles in the UK, the problem is getting responses. So the idea that the man has to be perfect in every way for even unattractive girls to consider a date is a myth.

As for living alone, most of the friends I know only moved out once they had a girlfriend not beforehand especially with how expensive houses can be nowadays.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 181
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Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 8/12/2014 5:23:50 AM
Agreed in that it can be difficult to encourage a girl to meet what with this pen-pal mentality. Would be interested to know how long on average men and women have a profile on here because the profile should be deleted if they have found someone. Also I wonder how many women are on here who are in their 30s or older with a longest relationship of less than a year.

With regard to being picky I get the impression that to even agree to meet up looks would be just fine for men whereas for women there has to be something else to go with it.
 ArmyJoe32
Joined: 2/13/2014
Msg: 182
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 8/16/2014 9:08:58 PM
This site is actually quite easy to figure out. Most women on here get messages sent by tons of guys. Some are hounded by dudes that just want to get laid. They in turn end up distrusting guys because of this. I have noticed some gals are just attention whores and love to have a bunch of guys ogle over them, even the perverts. Then you have the serial daters, the ones who don't know what the heck they want, and the decent ones mix in as well. With that, also add that sadly, looks does come into play, so if you are so so, fat, ugly, nice, or whatever, if there is a hot guy in the mix, even the most "hideous" woman would pick the hot guy over you. lol You could have a good worded and interesting profile, but if you are not hot, tall, and muscly, then good luck. Personality has nothing over looks.
 ArmyJoe32
Joined: 2/13/2014
Msg: 183
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 8/16/2014 9:23:43 PM
"That's an exaggeration"

I Agree that in a big city it would be, but I tried this site when I was back home in L.A., and that gals still expected you to drive or if you did, have a fancy car at the most. Luckily, not all women require you to have top of the line vehicles, as long as it runs. lol I learned that when I was living in Ft. Campbell, KY and met gals outside then on this site. Honestly, never had much luck on here with anyone decent.

Now, even in the case of looking for friends, I can somewhat agree with some of what rockin-trucker82 has to say. In my own experiences on this site, even finding a woman to hang out and go play some pool or go fishing with has been a hassle. Maybe it's because I have a busted knee that I got last year and abruptly ended my military career and sadly, can't drive around till it heals, or gals here in my town think I'm unattractive or something. lol You have to fit a certain description to get up to friend status.
 jukebox_cowboy
Joined: 8/12/2014
Msg: 184
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Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 8/16/2014 9:43:55 PM
Even the hot guys have trouble here. All the women have too many choices - "So many guys, so little time".
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 185
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 8/17/2014 10:44:50 AM
I just hid my profile here and on OKC because I"m tired of getting posts from horny ***holes who think online dating is a free call girl site. Same on Match, and I have no bikini pic there,but it doesn't matter, lots of guys there just want to get lucky quick there too. Even the ones that act as if they want to go out on a date, the second I make it very clear that there wil not be any sex involved until I've met them in person, spent some time with them and like them, guess what, POOF, they are gone. I've come to realize that OLD is not working for me. I don't know how I'll meet men IRL, but I can't take this onine BS anymore.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 186
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 8/17/2014 10:49:45 AM
Not condoning just trying to get laid... But just MAYBE if more women were willing to go on a second date with most of these guys, and actually stick to their plan and not be suddenly gone the night of, then I'm sure way less guys would be only looking for sex.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 187
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 8/17/2014 11:26:08 AM
What????

Why should anyone go on a second date with someone if they are not interested?

Are you suggesting the rejecto should have a chance to plea his/her case??
Weird ...
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 188
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 8/17/2014 12:30:48 PM
I've met a few women that have 'assumed' that men just wanted one thing because the men disappeared after a 2nd or 3rd date.

Further discussion revealed these guys did not actually 'try' for sex either.

These women 'assumed' that since there was no sex, that must be the reason.

Hmm..no. Rather, the guys got bored because, MAYBE the woman didn't show enough interest. This seems more likely to me.

I only bring this up because after talking to these women, I wonder if this scenario happens a lot and women are just assuming that's all the guy wanted because he disappeared?

This is not the same thing as some horn dog playing dr octopus on a first date either.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 189
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 8/17/2014 12:37:20 PM
No, they go POOF before we even meet for a first date. This one guy I talked to went on how tired he is of being alone, that he has no plans for the weekend, and I suggested that we should meet up. And he was like "and do what". So I made some suggestions - meet for a coffee or lunch, go for a walk in the park, etc. - we can figure it out while we're out and about. His response "OK" and then nothing. I went out of my way, suggested we meet, made suggestions, and I get an "OK" and then nothing? What else am I supposed to do? Physically drive over there and drag him out? And this morning he texts me "hope you're having a good day". WTF does this guy want from me??

Another guy I talked to who lived a little ways away was very insistent of setting up a date, texted me all day, seemed very into me, and I thought we had a great convo going on. Then the topic of sex came up and I told him that I don't have sex on the first date, and won't until I have some sort of connection with the guy after having met him and spent some time with him. Suddenly he cancels the date, says he "can't make it" all the way to see me. Right. I bet if he had thought he'd score that night he would have been able to make it.

And these guys probably complain that they can't meet anybody online. Deserves them right.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 190
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 8/17/2014 12:51:52 PM
^^^^^^
I call those guys 'lazy daters'.

They're tired of the dating scene, or more likely, tired of investing financially and are hoping to increase the odds of a great date by gauging your interest before you've met.

Not condoning their behavior mind you, but I think a lot of people that keep beating themselves up online become 'products of their environment'.

Maybe these guys are so used to being 'friendzoned' or had a series of 1-3 date wonders that went no where?

Kinda like the gals that maybe meet a bunch of frogs and now expect the worst from men online?

I too think some of these guy might have gotten tired of the 'chase' and want to be pursued before they make a 'plan'.

Either way, it's lazy dating:)

Oh, and the topic of sex coming up? Just block them.

Maybe I'm 'slow', but I won't mention sex before a first date and hope she wouldn't mention 'money' or upgrade my date idea on the day of the date. It's just foo foo behavior.

 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 191
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 8/17/2014 2:16:39 PM
Geez, I forgot to add the P/C disclaimer ... 'Not gender specific'
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 192
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 8/17/2014 2:20:32 PM

No, they go POOF before we even meet for a first date. This one guy I talked to went on how tired he is of being alone, that he has no plans for the weekend, and I suggested that we should meet up. And he was like "and do what". So I made some suggestions - meet for a coffee or lunch, go for a walk in the park, etc. - we can figure it out while we're out and about. His response "OK" and then nothing. I went out of my way, suggested we meet, made suggestions, and I get an "OK" and then nothing? What else am I supposed to do? Physically drive over there and drag him out? And this morning he texts me "hope you're having a good day". WTF does this guy want from me??


This is not gender specific. Women have done the same thing to me. There are many different possible reasons why someone loses interest right before they were supposed to have a first date / meeting with another person. Or after they had 1-3 dates. Not having sex is just one of them.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 193
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 8/17/2014 4:55:31 PM

Why should anyone go on a second date with someone if they are not interested?


They shouldn't. But when you're striking out over and over, I'm sure SOMEONE, just one person you're into, being willing would be nice. When it seems like no girl wants to date him, don't be surprised when he's not looking for serious dating anymore. The rejection will wear you out. You don't fail yourself to confidence. A kid getting bullied in school doesn't think he's awesome because the big kid picked him to punch every day... Repeated negative outcomes are going to lead to a negative perspective. Same with dating. When the last 20 girls you met don't even want to talk to you anymore, you're going to pick up an idea "girls don't want to date me". Some will keep trying, but others will give up on the idea of a serious relationship because there's just nobody willing to pursue one with them. Can you really blame them for just finding someone for a quick lay than putting any potential emotional investment into a girl who's just going to vanish from his life the moment the next best thing comes along?

Women... This is your monster. So many of you have such impossible standards that the guys who face rejection from literally hundreds of girls are going to get worn out on the idea. But, I'm sure it's the guy's fault 100% of the time, and has absolutely nothing to do with the high physical requirements to date princess who isn't really that attractive herself.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 194
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 8/17/2014 5:02:22 PM
^^^
I hear the ladies lament about the lazy daters or horn dogs and I suspect the attitude these guys have is 'I'd rather be rejected on a first date for being a jerk then a nice guy'.
 jukebox_cowboy
Joined: 8/12/2014
Msg: 195
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History
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 8/17/2014 5:32:05 PM
Some women are nuttier than squirrel poop and no one can help that but some of the guys that are complaining may need to get a profile review.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 196
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 8/24/2014 12:55:48 PM
Are you being equally selective as to the type of women you wish to meet. Taking responsibility for your profile, preferences and choices is a good start.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 197
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 8/24/2014 1:11:04 PM
Once I've decided OLD won't net me a LTR, I'll just settle for gals seeking FWB. I'm sure there out there:)
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 198
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 8/24/2014 4:12:01 PM

When the last 20 girls you met don't even want to talk to you anymore,

Has anybody having this experience ever stopped and thought about the common denominator of the experience?
I realize that it is a lot easier to just blame the gender you want to date...and that blame game is an easy and tempting one to fall into.
But if one finds themselves faced with this massive and high wall of rejection and failed meets, maybe it's time to look to oneself and either try to figure out if what ain't working is fixable, or whether it just isn't meant to be.

The Universe doesn't OWE ANYBODY-male, female or some combination thereof!- dating or relationships. Now that "pairing up" is becoming less necessary for socioeonomic functioning, not everybody is going to be able to secure that state.
It isn't a flaw or dysfunction,blaming the other gender isn't going to "fix" anybody's life.
Cindy O
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 199
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History
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 8/25/2014 5:43:24 AM
Msg 207

Meant found someone as in start to have a relationship with that person not have a date or two with them. If the profile stays online then they are just looking for cheating opportunities imo. If the relationship doesn't work out it can always be reactivated.

Don't know what other experiences are but I seem to find there is this big problem with actually meeting. I guess this must apply to men aswell but its annoying when you have a good conversation with a female online but when you are trying to arrange a date or meeting they seem to have every hour of their day fully booked for a month. An exaggeration of course but it can feel like that at times. If you have kids or a job with long hours then its understandable but if you have a regular 9-5 Monday-Friday job then you should be able to find time within your social life if you really are interested.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 200
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 8/25/2014 9:57:22 AM
Has anybody having this experience ever stopped and thought about the common denominator of the experience?


Are you that other person though? What if he's in a wheelchair? What if he has a brain injury that causes a small effect in how he talks? Maybe he's between jobs. He might not have been born attractive.

These are guys who seriously have to jump through hoops to get any of this pile of shallow on these sites to even acknowledge them. But I guess it's their fault. If you're confined to a wheelchair, you're obviously just too lazy to walk. He's the common denominator, not that so many women are just that unwilling to give someone in a wheelchair the chance. It's the guy's fault that some drunk guy hit him and made him lose the use of his legs.

Sorry, us guys are regular people, just like women. We're not all comedians, rich, models, live in big houses, drive nice cars (some of us even CHOOSE not to drive. I know, surprising, some people actually use public transportation as a choice to save a TON of money), have amazing jobs. We don't all have a 6 pack from going to the gym every day, actually, it's not uncommon for men to grow a gut, just like every other male mammal. We're not all exciting 24/7, some of us would rather just relax than have to be on an adventure every day.

But when these are the requirements to date the millions of princesses on this site, yeah, it's going to break down the millions of guys who unfortunately have a flaw, who aren't the prince charming to run to her rescue from all the ugly guys who want to date her. It's not every girl, but it's so many of them. The one's who are actually willing to give a guy with flaws the chance, are the rare ones. Most of the girls we try to talk to, they just want the next better thing to come along. So many of us have seen it personally through friends that are on these sites. We've watched them laugh with their friends about how ugly the guy is.

So yeah, we've looked at the common denominator. The millions of shallow trainwrecks that find their way here expecting that even though they're the exact opposite of perfect, that they'll find the perfect guy and live happily ever after without having to contribute anything to the relationship.
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