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 Bell30655
Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 21
Need Some Feedback on the BaitPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
By the fact that his picture has disappeared, it is my assumption that this user got the BOOT.
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 22
Need Some Feedback on the Bait
Posted: 6/2/2014 10:01:11 PM
Bell - I'm hoping you re-write this profile start to bottom, when you are ready. It took me over a year to make a strong profile on POF, and that was after years of online abuse on other sites, so I was hardly a beginner. My first good profile was so good that it was embarrassing to get so many unsolicited messages of adoration, so I killed it and wrote a weaker one instead. Those readers fell in love with my profile, not me.
I'd like to see: better fitting shirts, ditch the tiepins and fit the small end of the tie into the loop on the back of the big end, it flows better. Remove the cropping from pics that won't be used as mains. Ditch the 3rd-world putdown, lots of fantastic people come from crap-holes. Your daughter is part of the package(like it or not) but I'm not sure about the other girl. Condense your activities to be searchable(and I'm not an expert on those), you don't need wii and treadmill and walking and exercise, do you? "Let’s get the bad stuff out of the way: I suck at sports, I love crappy comedy flicks, and I dance like a drunken chimpanzee." - this is not good stuff. Don't tell us what you don't like, paint us a picture of what you DO like with your words.
There is no rush on this, it's not gonna happen right away. You are in a period of transition and if you try to push your voyage I don't think you''ll like the results. Tweak the profile whenever the mood strikes, or whenever a good idea comes along, even if it's only to change a few words.
One of my favorite books, "To Kill A Mockingbird" took one year to write and two years to edit for publication. You can't rush greatness.
 dichoTommy
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 23
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History
Need Some Feedback on the Bait
Posted: 6/3/2014 3:48:28 AM

Bell - I'm hoping you re-write this profile start to bottom, when you are ready. It took me over a year to make a strong profile on POF, and that was after years of online abuse on other sites, so I was hardly a beginner. My first good profile was so good that it was embarrassing to get so many unsolicited messages of adoration, so I killed it and wrote a weaker one instead. Those readers fell in love with my profile, not me.

Catch 22, that, but I know what you mean. Even my current profile still got the "fan club" messages which were from invariably incompatible women.

My argument, however, is this: if your profile truly is you, and they fall in love with that, you've accomplished your mission. They who would love a you-ridden profile should love the actual you, no?
 Bell30655
Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 24
Need Some Feedback on the Bait
Posted: 6/3/2014 7:53:52 AM
GreenThumbz18, I was pretty impressed by your profile. No doubt that took some editing to get it to that point. Reading several of the more long term people's profiles, I see what you are saying. It is probably time for a rewrite from the ground up with all new pictures.

The little one is definitely part of the package. She spends at least one to two days a week at my home and goes on many of our vacations. I know it is unusual but I really get along with my ex-wife and her husband. I can't really call him new, she's been married to him for six or seven years. Oddly, I'm a pretty open person. It surprises people that I don't hide my identity. I'm not really hard to find. It took me forty plus years to reach a point where I'm happy with my life. So why do I have a profile on POF? Because there may be someone out there that I'm missing. There are times, that I realize there are things two can do better than one. There are times, that my house is too quiet and empty.

I agree the profile needs a rewrite. Not just a rewrite but some different photos. None of the photos are old but I need to have different ones. This will be something that takes time and patience. I may have to find some of that second part. POF ought to have a feature that lists the top hundred most viewed profiles for men and women. Then others, like myself could look at them for comparison.

It's not that I'm not getting responses. I've got several this week alone but I think some, if not all of these may end in the "friend zone" by her, my or mutual choice. Not that I mind additional friends. I appreciate the help that GreenThumbz18, Eric Summit, 9Pluto, dichotomy and RedrockJen have provided thus far. We'll see where this evolves too.
 Mark_It_Up
Joined: 3/15/2011
Msg: 25
Need Some Feedback on the Bait
Posted: 6/3/2014 8:14:43 AM
Username sounds a bit feminine. Maybe because I speak geek and the 3 looks like a backwards E, making it seem like Belle.

No need to put single dad in your headline. Mostly normal makes you sound boring but weird - neither good.
Pics are not great - the ones where you're smiling have bad lighting.

Don't get the bad stuff out of the way first! Why is your movie taste a bad thing, don't you want someone who can share them? I really don't like the "bonus points" phrase, it patronizes those who do get it but it alienates those who don't.

The part about borrowing the 5 year old sounds really, really weird. And the rest of this paragraph is totally unnecessary - having a preference is fine but no need to write about it. Simply don't message (or respond to) women without kids. Do not talk about exes on a profile EVER!!!!!

Third paragraph starts off well but degenerates into mundane. Living life to its fullest to you means carrots, fireplaces and macaroni cheese?

First date is in extremely bad taste. What if your perfect match has a grandparent or Aunt living in Nepal, India or Mexico? Do you think she would reply to your message after reading this?
 dichoTommy
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 26
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History
Need Some Feedback on the Bait
Posted: 6/3/2014 8:39:53 AM
There's a difference between "package deal" and what you have.

She won't be dating your daughter, and if you're doing it right, won't meet your daughter for a while.

I too get along with my ex and her husband, and have my kids as often as is I can. However, there's such a thing as bringing your daughter into the picture too soon, and aside from mentioning shared custody and that she exists, anything further is "TOO SOON".

I just reenabled a private image of mine (since my profile is hidden, just be sure you're logged onto the site proper before clicking my profile link) - the one with my (now 10 year old several years ago) daughter was a GREAT picture. The problem is, she featured prominently, and I got as many messages suggesting I should take it down "because online predators", as were complimenting her.

The "bait" was wrong because while it showed we're close, it also muddied the waters and drew polarizing opinions.

Your profile is absolutely for you, and while your daughter is important... she's not what your profile should be about.
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 27
Need Some Feedback on the Bait
Posted: 6/3/2014 9:02:58 AM
Bell - You might want to mention that for you have been offered a good-paying job as Gerard Depardieu's movie double(although they have to age you with make-up) :)
What's up with the fake garden? Who gardens in a shirt and tie, and where's the pretty flowers or veggies? All I see is some green fuzz coming from a bucket. It's like a travel photo with no travel to see.
We all have our opinions, and that's a good thing. Eventually you will arrive at a profile that you are comfortable with and it works for you. Remember that a profile is a posted piece for all to see, everybody sees the same thing but interprets it differently, and then we come to the real X factor, which is "emotion". You message a woman, she responds, you talk on the phone, you meet, , , , and THEN what happens? ? ? Can you handle rejection? And more rejection? - "Oh, you don't look the same as your pictures" " I thought you would be different" "You're just not my type"
And the toughest, at least for me, right now, even as I write this, , , - Can you deal with powerful attraction and not get stupid?
 Mark_It_Up
Joined: 3/15/2011
Msg: 28
Need Some Feedback on the Bait
Posted: 6/3/2014 11:33:46 AM

Can you deal with powerful attraction and not get stupid?

That is a battle no man has yet won!
 Bell30655
Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 29
Need Some Feedback on the Bait
Posted: 6/3/2014 12:33:59 PM
GreenThumbz18, I got coffee all over my keyboard on that one. I actually know who he is, "Life of Pi" was a great movie. I've been accused of looking a bit like Alan Alda from his M*A*S*H days. Yes, that was my experiment, last year with Topsy Turvy's the photo was taken out of one of the videos. I actually had way too many tomatoes and peppers to give away. This winter, I was overrun by hydroponically grown lettuce in my greenhouse.

I've seen your profile. Love the way you incorporated a recipe in there. You don't wear a tie, when you garden?
 dichoTommy
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 30
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History
Need Some Feedback on the Bait
Posted: 6/3/2014 12:55:45 PM

^^^ Agree with this. Your daughter is very cute. Who is that guy sitting next to her? :p

Just my body double. I'd recommend everyone go get one.
 Bell30655
Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 31
Need Some Feedback on the Bait
Posted: 6/5/2014 8:16:50 AM
While I haven't got to the complete rewrite that my profile does seem to need. I have to say the changes that I made with all of your suggestions are starting to pay off. In the past couple days, I've accumulated a half dozen messages from people who viewed my profile. This is sparking some interesting conversation. I want to appreciate all of your help and I will continue to work on the full revision.

I want to come up with a good set of photos, as well. Looking at other profiles in here, I see many people going for the "looking off in a distance" pose for the main.
 Mark_It_Up
Joined: 3/15/2011
Msg: 32
Need Some Feedback on the Bait
Posted: 6/5/2014 8:22:01 AM

I actually had way too many tomatoes and peppers to give away. This winter, I was overrun by hydroponically grown lettuce in my greenhouse.

See that's a great line for your profile, you're showing a lot more personality here on the forums than you do on the profile. Try to write more like this, it's funny, shows interest, ambition and skill!


You don't wear a tie, when you garden?

And that is a great caption for the pic!
(I'm not sure it's a great pic but it's a perfect caption for it)
 dichoTommy
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 33
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Need Some Feedback on the Bait
Posted: 6/5/2014 8:23:55 AM
The "looking off in the distance" is psychological trick and honestly is a younger mans' game, IMO. Yes, I had my own versions of that, but never used them as my main.

Older women are probably less susceptible to any Jedi mind tricks anyway ;)

And so happy that you've gotten results. Good student, you are - it's always nice to see when the time we've spent has a tangible result!
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 34
Need Some Feedback on the Bait
Posted: 6/5/2014 8:30:19 AM
"Looking at other profiles in here, I see many people going for the "looking off in a distance" pose for the main."
Go ahead, but I wouldn't get too fixated by any one type of pic. Don't follow, lead :)
I like Mark's ideas above about using your humor more effectively.

"Older women are probably less susceptible to any Jedi mind tricks anyway ;)"
You're pushing 50, Bell, and yes, women your age are moving along too. It's a bit late in the game for them to go running off with the cute pool-boy or a singer in a band, they have to give serious consideration to their future, and they shift more towards the "solid citizen" type. A guy with a job, a house, good family history, some retirement money, grows stuff, fun to be with, ,, your stock is rising !!!
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 35
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Need Some Feedback on the Bait
Posted: 6/5/2014 9:24:39 AM
What great news Thom!

I actually like your tie/missing-plant garden pic as the main. I am bucking the trend, but precisely because they can't tell what's inside the hanging pots, you may get curious kitten traffic. The moment you get the click, the main was mostly successful. By all means get another big smile in the gallery.

As for the hydro humor, due to its prevalence in 420 culture, I'd not spell out that particular gardening technique in case the thought crossed your mind to use it, if you want to include conservative gals, just in case. I always believe profiles ought to be politically neutral, unless contemporary issues really float your boat – which doesn’t seem to be the case with your family value oriented profile. There is plenty of time to explore politics in person where the whole person backs up their words, after you get to know them better.

My experience has been very positive with my garden picture where I am not looking into the camera. As GreenThumbz says, it varies, and I can see you are still heavily influenced by the online tips ... He gave me advice on photos recently that was opposite common wisdom, and it was the most productive single tip I got (and I still have a ways to improve, but the bait I have is fine). Let me suggest an alternate way to view the main. If most of the women you message are viewing you, cruise with it a while. Like you eluded in the beginning, it's just getting the right bait. An earthworm doesn't have to be Vitruvian to do a great job, but good looks are always great, so as long as they are on their toes in "learn mode" keep it moving in a positive direction. I think the tie/garden pic is a nice statement about your lifestyle and it's a nice smile.

As the only Disney character reviewing you, I'm with Jen on the "Normal Guy" headline. It is actually negative to me, sort of the response to all the whining girls that ask for a "Normal Guy" and then go on explaining their man-baggage. Go for something exciting. Maybe something like: "Much More than a Hunch"
Best luck!
 Bell30655
Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 36
Need Some Feedback on the Bait
Posted: 6/5/2014 11:53:19 AM
Mark It Up, excellent suggestion on the caption. My daughter and I are moving some tomatoes from our greenhouse to the topsy turvies this weekend. I was planning to get a shot without the tie but I think I may reshoot it wearing a tie and use that caption.

dichoTommy, you are probably right on the "looking off in a distance" pose but I'm going to experiment trying to do it a bit more age appropriate. Maybe with a cup of coffee in hand, as it is one of my favorite things.

GreenThumbz18, FIFTY? How dare you mention that number? Why, I'm still young. Fifty, really?

RedrockJen, very true… Let me go to work on that. I need to think, where's my coffee?

9Pluto, I had not even thought about hydroponics being used for marijuana production. Working on a headline. Due to the fact that I have an 11-year-old plus borrow a 5-year-old and Walt Disney World is only 7 hours from here… We make many pilgrimages to there. So, I should have went with a Disney name, maybe a Disney headline.
-----------
Thanks again, let's see what I can do over the weekend with pics.
 Bell30655
Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 37
Need Some Feedback on the Bait
Posted: 6/5/2014 12:31:17 PM
RedrockJen, I am that guy who is looking for a woman who centers her life around her kids and understands that I do, as well. When you break it down, a good percentage of my life is my daughter. Another large percentage is my career. That remaining percentage is the part that is evolving. However, that said, I would like a single mother to have some shared interests. After all, the kids get older leave home and I will retire.

Of course some headlines are Disney but not so Disney as to be childish. Occasionally, usually when I want to remind people at work that I'm going on vacation soon, I'll wear a Disney tie to work. I've got a couple subtle ones.
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 38
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History
Need Some Feedback on the Bait
Posted: 6/5/2014 12:31:29 PM
hydro - LOL, ask Google. You'll find a Ten to One ratio of MJ vs. lettuce with it. While I am open-minded about the whole thing and will grow anything given sufficient challenge, I was attracting people with passions different from my own. Since you are so into Disney, I think the coolest would be a picture at the Epcot Garden of the Future in their GH, if that is a big part of your gardening hobby. The other posters like Mark enjoyed your friendly & softer humor in your post about the out of control hydro-lettuce, and we all would like to see the profile written more in that style, just to re-enforce the basic thought. Now to grab some baby pak choi out of the pebbles of my aquatic garden for lunch ;-)

For the "third-world" comment, I had no problem with it and enjoyed that particular humor, not saying I'd use it though. It was a little over the top and that doesn't always work so well, though I can't see it likely causing you any problems and it is your profile to say what you wish. You could consider swapping "third-world" for something less derisive, like "Atlantis" or even "Palm Springs" *wink*. ... Or how about Norway - which is a third-world country by strict definition.

“Borrow a 5-year old” child is another one of those things that is open to misinterpretation. If that were staying, I’d invert it, keeping the same idea. I would think “borrow” has a connotation of incurring debt. She’s your daughter’s friend, right? It got me thinking, what is your relationship with the 5-year old’s mom. Not wondering too hard, but those are the sort of things a 38-year old woman coming off a divorce that might see you as her knight in shining armor package could imagine. 5-year olds don’t grow on trees, and she might actually want one more of her own to seal your deal. That way you could prolong even further having kids in the house until they leave an empty nest. Afterwards, it would only be the both of you looking into each others' eyes, sowing the benefits of the romance, attraction, and communalities you initially felt, as the new main course till the happy ending.

Good Luck
 Bell30655
Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 39
Need Some Feedback on the Bait
Posted: 6/5/2014 1:06:07 PM
9Pluto, yes, I see all the marijuana growing information. It's surprisingly out in the open. I discovered hydroponics at Epcot on the Behind the Seeds tour. My daughter thought it looked like a great idea so we tried it. Lettuce grows really well. I also like your "Now to grab some baby pak choi out of the pebbles of my aquatic garden for lunch", that is excellent.

I've got to work on a way to better describe borrow. Atlantis is a great idea for a change. Onto answering you question, my relationship with both the mother and father of the 5-year-old is excellent. Seven years ago, I couldn't say that. Now, I can. BTW, she's actually my daughter's half-sister.

RedrockJen, quick story… A couple of years ago, my daughter and I were at Walt Disney World in the Magic Kingdom. We were waiting to get onto the Dumbo ride (before they moved it). A gentleman of about 80 helped his wife aboard, then got in. The ride started and we could hear the lady making excited sounds like a child. "Weeeeeeeeee, aahhhheeeeee" the whole ride. She laughed and was clearly happy. The ride came to a stop and the cast member got everyone else off but let them stay on for a second round. The same as the first time, her excitement was obvious.

This time when the ride came to a stop the gentleman climbed out. He assisted the woman getting out. He then turned to the crowd. He thanked everyone for their patience and told us that was the first time he'd heard his wife's voice in several years. . The crowd was clapping and cheering. He slipped his cap off and bowed before offering his wife his arm. Then they walked off slowly, arm in arm toward the Mad Hatters Tea Party. I knew that I was seeing true love.

I don't think you ever outgrow, Walt Disney World. You just see it differently.
 Bell30655
Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 40
Need Some Feedback on the Bait
Posted: 6/5/2014 2:08:38 PM
It is a small world. I was born at St. Thomas Hospital in Akron! Most of my childhood was in Cuyahoga Falls and the Ravenna area. I practically lived in Geauga Lake Water Park most summers. On Disney World, I'll be honest it isn't the rides. It's the magic.
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 41
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History
Need Some Feedback on the Bait
Posted: 6/5/2014 4:18:38 PM

Por favor manténgase alejado de las puertas.” Score bonus points with this guy if you know where that quote is from.


It is a small world. I was


It's a small world--after all. :D


Muy pequeño el mundo es...

Alex, I believe we have a winner ... and the Final Jeopardy Bonus Round goes to .... Red Rock Jen !!!
 Bell30655
Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 42
Need Some Feedback on the Bait
Posted: 6/6/2014 5:33:41 PM
This week has been an enlightening week for me. Between looking at profiles of the masters, constructive criticism from the masters and some offline input, I've went through a bit of a rewrite. Of course, it is still a work in progress and will likely remain so but it is starting to feel more me.

What do you all think?
 dichoTommy
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 43
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History
Need Some Feedback on the Bait
Posted: 6/6/2014 6:07:56 PM
Still think you could increase the number of to-be-shared interests in the interests section, and the about me consisting of part recipe, part story, but no description of "her" gives me pause.

BUT this is a perfect run-for-a-week-to-test profile. See who responds and if you've qualified enough, and if not? Have a change ready for next week.
 Bell30655
Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 44
Need Some Feedback on the Bait
Posted: 6/7/2014 5:19:21 AM
What is the target number of shared interests that you would suggest? A description of her, now that is a tough one. I wouldn't want to eliminate anyone because she didn't fit that description.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 45
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Need Some Feedback on the Bait
Posted: 6/7/2014 7:29:31 AM
^^^^^^ I doubt he is suggesting that you say you want a slim, blond that loves to run 5 miles a day can quote Shakespeare and loves going to the Louvre.

What you seek in another should be kept to a minimum, but what you are looking for in a person as far as generality in character/interests in a sentence usually helps.

Anyhoo........

Well, Hell Bell.
It's just out right one of the most " OMG, zzzzzzzzz" profiles I have read in a while.

This is what you have been working on and improving? Ouch!

Stick to the facts.
Get better pictures and dress to flatter a BBW.
No pastels.
Main pic should be a close up of the face.
No other people should be in your pics.

The bottom line is you have an uphill battle being male, big and over 45.
Start over( my opinion of course).

Stories and recipes? Just what the flip are you thinking?
If we want to read stories, we can read Pearl Buck and at least it will be interesting, nor do many care how you cook yard birds.

You could be the most fascinating man in the world, absolutely passionate and fun, but this profile will not reflect that at all.
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