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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?      Home login  
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 snakesnsuch
Joined: 6/12/2014
Msg: 51
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?Page 3 of 24    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)
I'm not familiar with Australian law, but here in Canada after living together for six months a couple is considered Common-law, and therefor subject to the same laws as someone with a marriage certificate.

Now, this doesn't mean that if this common-law couple were to break up after a year either one gets 50% of all assets. However, they do get the assets accumulated during the time they were together after the first six months. I believe it works that way even if they had gotten married.

If one or the other passes away, the remaining common-law spouse is entitled to the spousal portion of all pensions. If there is no will, the common-law spouse is entitled to all assets, even if there were children from a previous marriage. They are considered next of kin. (this shows the importance of having a will if you have any assets and a family you want to inherit it)

Just like a REAL marriage.

I like this. I really do.

I'm a firm believer that two people should not move in together unless they're willing to make a life-long commitment. It's not really the commitment I see. It's the caring enough for that person to make that commitment and trust/hope/wish and work on making that relationship the best it can be. If you aren't sure enough about it, don't live together/marry. Moving in together, sharing your lives, families, finances, hearts should NOT be an experiment. One or the other will get hurt in any number of ways if this "experiment" doesn't work. More so than if you break up before the move. This especially if you're beyond a certain mature age.

That's how I see it anyway. I guess at the end of the day it's an individual thing.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 52
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/23/2014 1:54:29 PM

snakesnsuch I'm a firm believer that two people should not move in together unless they're willing to make a life-long commitment. It's not really the commitment I see.


I am a firm believer in not having a lot of rules.

90% of the time your rule sounds good to me.

But for instance, maybe I want to live with someone in another country for 4 months. I would take very few personal items with me since it costs way more than the items are worth to ship them. If we decide to part ways, I pack my suitcases and move back home.

It doesn't have to be selling a house, moving in the sofa and refrig, it can be a very simple arrangement, go with the flow, fight the current only if it's really worthwhile to do so.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 53
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/23/2014 2:12:42 PM

Moving in together, sharing your lives, families, finances, hearts should NOT be an experiment. One or the other will get hurt in any number of ways if this "experiment" doesn't work.


How is living common-law any more of an experiment than getting married? Both are filled with unknowns and there's an equal chance of getting hurt in either situation. Ask people who went through divorce if it was pain free. Do you know exactly what will happen in the future in any relationship you get into? Pass me the crystal ball when you're done with it.
 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 54
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History
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/23/2014 3:23:35 PM
To more or less quote Arthur Schopenhauer, "Marriage means to halve one's rights and double one's duties."

"Marrying means to grasp blindfolded into a sack hoping to find an eel amongst an assembly of snakes."
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 55
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/23/2014 3:50:24 PM
There are a bunch of happily married people out there...they'll tell you the
good stories, as well as the struggles but will say it is worth it.

I'd rather listen to those people and not a bunch of "I got screwed in the divorce
and this is why you shouldn't get married" people.

Like I say, I would get married again.
But I wouldn't stay in a relationship with someone that wouldn't marry me.
I mean, I'd be happy with "if I believed in marriage, I would marry you", but
someone who thought marriage sucked and who couldn't comprehend it, is
not someone I'd be compatible with.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 56
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/23/2014 3:53:38 PM
^^ Arthur Schopenhauer:

In 1821, he fell in love with nineteen-year old opera singer, Caroline Richter (called Medon), and had a relationship with her for several years. He discarded marriage plans, however, writing, "Marrying means to halve one's rights and double one's duties," and "Marrying means to grasp blindfolded into a sack hoping to find an eel amongst an assembly of snakes." When he was forty-three years old, seventeen-year old Flora Weiss recorded rejecting him in her diary.

In 1831, a cholera epidemic broke out in Berlin and Schopenhauer left the city. Schopenhauer settled permanently in Frankfurt in 1833, where he remained for the next twenty-seven years, living alone except for a succession of pet poodles named Atman and Butz. The numerous notes that he made during these years, amongst others on aging, were published posthumously under the title Senilia.

Schopenhauer had a robust constitution, but in 1860 his health began to deteriorate. He died of heart failure on 21 September 1860 while sitting at home on his couch with his cat. He was 72.

like2dance : So, this is your ideal man? Do you aspire to be similar to him, is it to be dogs or cats as your companions?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arthur_Schopenhauer
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 57
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/23/2014 3:59:18 PM
The closer to 60 I get, the less amount of time I spend on "thinking" about anything really.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 58
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/23/2014 6:55:14 PM
There are a bunch of happily married people out there...they'll tell you the
good stories, as well as the struggles but will say it is worth it.


I met one such couple the weekend after Easter. He's 83, she's 77, had just celebrated their 56th wedding anniversary a couple of weeks prior.....on Maui.
Live in a nice area near the beach in CA.
Raised 4 kids. Oldest is a colonel in the US Air Force on his 3rd tour of duty in Afghanistan.
They held hands several times during our talk, laughed easily, and he gave her a couple of loving squeezes on her shoulder during the time.
Some people actually do get it right.


is it to be dogs or cats as your companions?


I've met a lot of cats and dogs whose company I preferred to a lot of humans I have also met.
 Chambelle
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 59
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/23/2014 9:12:49 PM

By seafoodanddeatit :: ....and in Australia after about 3 months the woman has the same legal rights as if they were married..


...well THAT is NOT entirely true.. there are many, many factors to take into account, before the law will recognise a De facto relationship.

First, you need to meet the basic "threshold" criteria the Family Law Act 1975 requires for the existence of a De Facto Relationship.

There are many things to take into consideration.

A Court usually considers:
- The duration of the parties’ relationship
- If they had separate residences:
- Whether a sexual relationship exists and if so during what period
- The degree of financial dependence or interdependence, and any arrangements for financial support, between them
- The ownership, use and acquisition of their property
- The degree of mutual commitment to a shared life
- Whether the relationship is or was registered in a State or Territory

(etc etc....... not to bore you)
The above list is not exhaustive but is a guide only.

Each relationship will have its own circumstances.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 60
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/24/2014 6:19:34 AM

^^^- Whether the relationship is or was registered in a State or Territory


Say what? Registering a non-marriage relationship? Do people have to register dates and first meet-ups as well?
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 61
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/24/2014 6:38:55 AM
Posted by maleman999:
"Say what? Registering a non-marriage relationship?
Do people have to register dates and first meet-ups as well?"

You can say that again, brother!
Some countries seemingly have WAY too much involvement in personal lives!

So I've been dating a woman about five months now and met her teenaged daughter once, that must mean we are now darn near married in some jurisdictions. LOL. Thanks, as I feel many of us will wish to continue to make that assessment ourselves. ;-)
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 62
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/24/2014 6:44:37 AM

Say what? Registering a non-marriage relationship? Do people have to register dates and first meet-ups as well?


I think it's really a religious thing.

Religions didn't want same sex people to get married, the state wanted a way for them to receive the same sort of benefits as being married without having fight the religious groups who were afraid that this would sully the institution of marriage.

Same sex people really would rather get married.

Once they created registered relationships they can't prevent hetro relationships from also registering.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 63
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/24/2014 8:23:56 AM

Once they created registered relationships they can't prevent hetro relationships from also registering.


If a couple register their relationship (for whatever reason), then break up afterwards, do they have to update their registration as being in no relationship now, and keep it updated whenever their dating status changes? Is this the same department that handles marriage licenses?
Question #3: Scenario: A (hetero for argument sakes) couple register their relationship, then break up, but don't bother changing the registration. Then some time later, one or both plan on getting married (to someone else), and go to get a marriage license. Is it possible they could have a problem with that because they are on file as being in a registered relationship with a person with a different name?
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 64
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/24/2014 8:47:13 AM
Just think...if two people register, later break-up...and start sleeping with others without notifying the designated governmental authorities...they will essentially be Registered Sex Offenders! ;-)
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 65
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/24/2014 8:51:37 AM

If a couple register their relationship (for whatever reason), then break up afterwards, do they have to update their registration as being in no relationship now, and keep it updated whenever their dating status changes? Is this the same department that handles marriage licenses?
Question #3: Scenario: A (hetero for argument sakes) couple register their relationship, then break up, but don't bother changing the registration. Then some time later, one or both plan on getting married (to someone else), and go to get a marriage license. Is it possible they could have a problem with that because they are on file as being in a registered relationship with a person with a different name?


There are hundreds of different countries outside of the USA and Canada, what is the significance to us concerning the laws in Australia?

But I have seen from the forums many older men and women don't know much about the Internet, how you can search for information, or much about how to really use computers.

But you can use google to find out what you want to know. Let us know what you find out.
 BeckyHT
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 66
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History
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/24/2014 9:23:13 AM

There are a bunch of happily married people out there...they'll tell you the
good stories, as well as the struggles but will say it is worth it.

I'd rather listen to those people and not a bunch of "I got screwed in the divorce
and this is why you shouldn't get married" people.

browneyes, I agree with you 100%.

I think we all tend to associate with people of whom we are like. Or want to be like.
So when dating, we say 'no' to those we are not alike.

If I date someone who says "I see no reason to be married again", I also get the message "I might be here today, but don't count on me tomorrow."


We can still stay with each other and share home locations, take mutual trips or take turns planning and paying for them, along with dates and adventures.

This is where I see part time. Living in separate homes, as in, for the rest of your lives.
c.d. I realize others may want this... it's just not me.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 67
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/24/2014 9:32:53 AM
interesting thread. in rt more older men i met are more into marrying again than women
i'd not wed again, would most def live with someone tho
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 68
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/24/2014 11:41:34 AM
"Married at first sight" To air July 8th at 9p ET/10p PT.

This is a new reality show and social experiment following six people who are looking for a life-long partnership and they agree to an interesting proposal: getting legally Married the moment they first meet.

Specialists- a sexologist, spiritualist, psychologist, and sociologist- will create what they believe are three perfect couples, based on scientific matchmaking.

So I am guessing this won't be something people on this thread are in favor of?

Will anyone be listening to the program? What do others think, are these marriages going to last?
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 69
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/24/2014 11:51:22 AM

What do others think, are these marriages going to last?


Based on the reality of marriages, they have as good a chance as any other.

The couple that I mentioned in message 68 who have been married 56 years got married after knowing each other for 5 months.
I worked with a guy years ago who had known his wife since they were both 10 years old, and it didn't last.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 70
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/24/2014 12:00:06 PM

I think it's interesting that that's the message you also specifically get, especially since it isn't suggested anywhere in the statement, "I see no reason to be married again". What message do you also specifically get when someone says "I want to marry you" and they do but then they divorce you later?


Most reasons for saying "I see no reason to be married again" have everything to do with a previous marriage
and the fear history will repeat itself...I don't find that complimentary. I'd not have anything to do with someone
who said that to me.

I don't necessarily have to be married, but I don't want to be told by someone who loves me they'd not marry me.

I can see the difference.

I don't think most people get married with the intention of getting divorced. Things change, people change,
divorce happens. Do people really wish for it or plan for it or yell "I KNEW IT" when it happens? Perhaps they
can't wait to tell a friend "I told you so!".

Yeah...not for me. Keeping negativity at bay...works for me.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 71
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/24/2014 4:40:12 PM
As a only 47 year old and going on 48 soon. I cant see why would someone at over 60 would want to get married..
Is it just a wish some folks have as the end for the fairy tale life. Or are there any benefits to get married??
As far as I know here in CA we don't have the common in law marriage or how ever its called. So you can live together for 20 happy years and not be married.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 72
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History
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/24/2014 10:38:13 PM
lagoodguy opined above.

First, there are very few states that have reduced the issue to common law marriage to code. when I received my JD (back in the days when a tablet was something made from clay) this state, Montana, was one of the few. However, a whole body of law has arisen around the idea of "palimony." So, even if your state doesn't "recognize" clm, it does recognize that the partners in a living together affair each have rights to the property accumulated during that affair.

As to the why of getting married: why not? there is something magical, almost mythical, about standing up before friends, family (if any remain), and for some of us, even God, and making a public declaration of your unity. Of being seen as, recognized as, treated as a united entity which is greater than the sum of the parts. Some might even use the German word, "gestalt," to describe the ideal of marriage.
It might not be more than a couple realizing, that by making this public declaration, and all the risks and rewards that may entail, they have crossed a threshold over which they have left absolute singleness behind.
Can an unmarried couple love just as deep? Without a doubt! But until that public declaration takes place, which in this day and age involves the state, the reality of their union is more ephemeral.

TK
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 73
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/25/2014 8:33:05 AM

there is something magical, almost mythical, about standing up before friends, family (if any remain), and for some of us, even God, and making a public declaration of your unity.


Isn't that what Facebook is for? (lol)
 NoBuddies_Fool
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 74
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/25/2014 9:07:37 AM

As far as I know here in CA we don't have the common in law marriage or how ever its called. So you can live together for 20 happy years and not be married.

I think...people need to do research on what the laws are...where ever they live!!
Common -law is recognized in a lot of countries/states/provinces...as good as married....if there is proof of the union.
ie" proven shared expenses...etc. Don't take anything for granted or listen to your buddy..lol.
As I already stated...I don't see the point in it at my age but will not rule it out completely....

I don't see getting married as automatically a good thing, either

That's for sure!!
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 75
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Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/25/2014 9:54:10 AM
"Deacon, how often does a woman in one of your relationships want to make the relationship more permanent, such as getting married or moving in together?"


Thoughtful question Dragonbits, and it has happened to me more than once that a relationship wanted more than I was willing to give, and decided to move on since I would not give that. All starts out fine and dandy, and then that hidden domestic side starts to grow with thoughts of living together, combining assets, and marriage.

Most know from the start, that I am happy to enjoy them, have adventures and great times knowing each other better and better, but if they think that we are going to eventually share pension and Security Security checks, they are beating on the wrong door. I never expect nor assume that the one I am with should give me what she has worked all her life for, and built either by herself or with another when married. I just respect and expect equality while we are together enjoying the relationship and each other.

Unfortunately for me, there have been those that were awesome people in and out of bed, that decided they needed to push for more on their end, and required that I follow that thought process. I chose and choose not to do that if it means giving up what I believe, in order to make sure that they have what they think they need. I say walk by my side, not in front of me, or behind, hold my hand and enjoy the experience, no matter where it takes us, but always know that if one is not satisfied, the only thing holding either back from leaving.......will be the door.......theirs or mine.

cd
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