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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?      Home login  
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 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 76
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?Page 4 of 24    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)

Unfortunately for me, there have been those that were awesome people in and out of bed, that decided they needed to push for more on their end, and required that I follow that thought process. I chose and choose not to do that if it means giving up what I believe, in order to make sure that they have what they think they need.


I think it's fair to say, you also required them to follow your own thought process. That this is a mutual thing though in opposing directions. Just looking at things from the other's POV.

But if the woman had significantly more assets that you, with an equal (SS benefits max out) or greater combined SS + Pension benefits, would that make any difference to your desire to never get married or move in together?

Also, is there a common demoninator in those who push for more Vs those that don't. Like less assets or how “awesome” they are. In other words, are more awesome women more likely to push for more? Or those with less assets, or is it just kind of random?

BTW, I don't think either being married or desiring to stay single is a bad choice as long as it is for the right reasons. So in that way “I don't have a dog in this debate”. I remained single for most of my adult life, so I am OK with going either way.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 77
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Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/25/2014 10:49:05 AM
I too do not have a dog in this fight, just an opinion and if fighting, I usually break out rooster fighters.....lmao

Your point is well taken, but if I can point out to you that with most women I get to know, we start out at the same place, wanting the same things, and it is not left totally open ended on my part about marriage, etc., I live my life accordingly. Now, if women start in the same place, wanting the same things, what changes? Maybe if more were equals in explaining their ultimate goal, or desires, we would not be having this conversation?

Finding someone that has more assets than I do, would not deter my feelings about equality, maybe just the price of the gifts given and received. Someone may want to enrich the other with a gift like a watch, and the thought process is still the same, whether it is a Seiko or a Movado, and my only concern would be if one could not afford that particular item, that they buy it in order to keep up. Having someone that struggles to make ends meet, and gives me a Rolex, would be of great concern to me for many reasons.

Intent and thought process should go hand in hand, along with assets, liabilities, and desires, and equality can be far from equal when dealing with money, as long as both understand the reasons and end result. I will not be a kept man, and will not keep a woman as such either, and if the two of us can make more together over each individually, we will do it as partners with a business contract, not a marriage contract. Hopefully neither is the case, and we just enjoy the pleasure of each others company, for however long it is intended to last.

cd
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 78
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/25/2014 12:25:10 PM

Your point is well taken, but if I can point out to you that with most women I get to know, we start out at the same place, wanting the same things, and it is not left totally open ended on my part about marriage, etc., I live my life accordingly. Now, if women start in the same place, wanting the same things, what changes? Maybe if more were equals in explaining their ultimate goal, or desires, we would not be having this conversation?


Equals in having a firm ultimate goal? I think many don't have a firm goal, they're more open to be situational or amending their goals. I am much more like that. You have thought about this a long time and have a firm opinion. IMO it's more about the nature of each person, some are judging or perceiving.

I recall one relationship with a woman where she had said we were ships passing in the night. But 8 months later she brought up wanting to get married. I was young at the time, I should have recognized that the relationship had moved from casual to serious and what that would liklely mean. I had kept dating other women, which she didn't know about. It would have been much better if she more gradually intoduced me to the idea marriage. I would likley have been open to the idea but didn't know how to explain I still had relationships with others, the other factor is she had a vengeful nature.

I would be open to keeping a woman, though in that type of relationship it is provisional and subject to change without a lot of advanced notice. Meaning a few weeks notice. I would expect a woman to also eventually leave the relationship. It';s not exactaly employment, but closer to that concept.

Just curious how it works out for someone that likes women and isn't misogynistic but has a firm idea that they don't want to get married.

Thanks, ciao
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 79
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/25/2014 3:42:58 PM
I try not to think about it at all, actually.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 80
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Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/25/2014 5:02:18 PM
cd, don't you think you can be married and keep ones finances separate? For example, my bf and I are considering it. He is debt free, house paid off, and on track for retirement. Me, not so much. But after I sell my house, he says he wouldn't need any help to pay what little bills there are, so I would be able to save more of what I earn for retirement. I don't expect him to finance that. If we ever broke up, I wouldn't expect any of HIS house or whatever assets he had prior. (unless of course he cheated on me, lol.)

Would I have more to gain by it? Yes, but he has little to lose.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 81
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Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/25/2014 5:07:53 PM
...Of course he doesn't have any kids to consider, makes things more simple, I suppose.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 82
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/25/2014 5:44:05 PM
Mjinict, I can see where you are coming from. So if you break up you don't want to take anything from him "unless he cheats" What happens if you break up and he pisses you off??? Then you for what ever reason convince your self or your friends do that he really owes you some. After all his life is all set and you cant make ends meet. So then you decide that you would go after what he has cause you can.. You see the point is if you do break up he is at your mercy. It all depends on how you feel and there is nothing to stop you... If he had nothing to lose he can just say there is nothing for you to take. But if he does have things to lose. He would lose what he saved and now he is the one who works all his life to have a good retirement and he cant make ends meet.. Wonder why its not worth getting married for someone who is less well to do then you are??? Or a prenup where everyone keeps what they earned...
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 83
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Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/25/2014 6:36:11 PM
I wouldn't think he owes me were we to break up. I will have been saving my money, thus be in a better position. Again, it depends on if he were deceitful, which I don't see...Is that why some guys are so leery? I think it depends on what kind of person you're dealing with. I let my x husband off scott free, he had a major trust fund, and I
had the opportunity to marry a millionaire, but declined...I would sign the prenup. I've managed ok for 25 years solo, so it's not like I can't make ends meet.
 Tsar850
Joined: 3/23/2013
Msg: 84
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/26/2014 8:41:30 AM

I think...people need to do research on what the laws are...where ever they live!!
Common -law is recognized in a lot of countries/states/provinces...as good as married....if there is proof of the union.


As far as the USA only 7 states still acknowledge common law marriages.

And all but one of them limit the divorce proceeds from a common law marriage to child support.

So while some countries may be expanding common law marriage the USA is doing away with this farce.

The state needs to stay out of people's lives if they wanted to be married they would do so.
 NoBuddies_Fool
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 85
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/26/2014 11:15:08 AM
This is what I found...couldn't find a current date.


Only a few states recognize common law marriages, and each has specific stipulations as to what relationships are included:
-Alabama
-ColoradoDistrict of Columbia
-Georgia (if created before 1/1/95
-Idaho (if created before 1/1/96)
-Iowa
-Kansas
-Montana
-New Hampshire (for inheritance purposes only)
-New Mexico
-Ohio (if created before 10/10/91)
-Oklahoma (possibly only if created before 11/1/98. Oklahoma’s laws and court decisions may be in conflict about whether common law marriages formed in that state after 11/1/98 will be recognized.)
-Pennsylvania (if created before 1/1/05)
-Rhode Island
-South Carolina
-Texas
-Utah
 Tsar850
Joined: 3/23/2013
Msg: 86
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/26/2014 12:30:51 PM

Only a few states recognize common law marriages, and each has specific stipulations as to what relationships are included:
-Alabama
-ColoradoDistrict of Columbia
-Georgia (if created before 1/1/95
-Idaho (if created before 1/1/96)
-Iowa
-Kansas
-Montana
-New Hampshire (for inheritance purposes only)
-New Mexico
-Ohio (if created before 10/10/91)
-Oklahoma (possibly only if created before 11/1/98. Oklahoma’s laws and court decisions may be in conflict about whether common law marriages formed in that state after 11/1/98 will be recognized.)
-Pennsylvania (if created before 1/1/05)
-Rhode Island
-South Carolina
-Texas
-Utah


http://www.ncsl.org/research/human-services/common-law-marriage.aspx#1

There is a link to the up to date information. As you can see these laws are being done away with. In most states.

And even the ones that are allowing them are restricting how they are recognized and desolved.

As I said the USA is doing away with this farce and allowing people to decide if they want to marry instead of forcing them to do so.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 87
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/26/2014 1:57:14 PM
If the government can change my marital status to married without my approval because I chose to live with someone without a government approved wedding ceremony, what's next on the agenda? If I ended up living with or marrying a black woman or Oriental, will the government say I can no longer claim I'm Caucasian, and would the woman have to change her status as well?
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 88
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/26/2014 4:36:41 PM
Mjinict. I would have to say that for me it would be the biggest reason to stay away from marriage . I have a lot to lose and all a woman has to decide is if she wants what I got or not.. Do I want to risk to lose everything I got and have my future in the hands of another person.. No I do not... While I'm sure some women are not out to get everything they can from the man, Problem is that they are very few. Most of the time when people get to the point of a divorce there is lots of anger. At that point its up to the woman to decide if he pays or not. The man has no real choice about it. As you mentioned already is that if he makes you mad you would make him pay for it.. It has nothing to do with his or yours its all about how you feel about it and how mad you are... You must admit that his future is in your hands and you can walk with half of what he earned all his life for no other reason but cause you want it. For what ever reason you decide...
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 89
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/26/2014 5:37:40 PM

I have a lot to lose and all a woman has to decide is if she wants what I got or not.. Do I want to risk to lose everything I got and have my future in the hands of another person.. No I do not... While I'm sure some women are not out to get everything they can from the man, Problem is that they are very few. Most of the time when people get to the point of a divorce there is lots of anger.


I don't get your legal reasoning.

When a couple splits up, they keep everything that they had when they started the marriage. Then they split 50/50 everything that was accumulated while being married. For a long marriage, longer than 7 years, maintaining one's lifestyle enters into the picture, as do children. But in your situation, no children to support, and in most older people getting married, no children younger than 18 to support, so no child support.

So I don't really get why you think you would lose everything, or even 50% of everything.

(of course, if you have a burning desire for your pet donkey (or anyone) to inherit all your assets when you die, then you maybe have an issue about losing control after you are dead.)
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 90
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Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/26/2014 6:00:23 PM
That's what I was thinking, db. I assume one reason he wants to keep our finances separate is to keep his house in his name. I don't see how I would be entitled to what was already his, especially with a prenup.

I don't agree that there's usually lots of anger in a divorce, especially at this age. Many amicably 'uncouple'. I guess it depends on the circles you're from.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 91
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/26/2014 7:28:24 PM
I can see why second and third marriages end in divorce quicker than first marriages. After the first divorce, people get into relationships where the primary goal is to protect one's assets and be prepared for divorce. There's as much planning for divorcing the new love of your life as planning for a life together. So when there's a snag in a relationship, people don't hesitate to hit the road with all of their assets in tow. People consider a relationship that ends in divorce, but with all of their assets they came in with, a victory.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 92
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/26/2014 7:45:23 PM

I can see why second and third marriages end in divorce quicker than first marriages. After the first divorce, people get into relationships where the primary goal is to protect one's assets and be prepared for divorce. There's as much planning for divorcing the new love of your life as planning for a life together. So when there's a snag in a relationship, people don't hesitate to hit the road with all of their assets in tow. People consider a relationship that ends in divorce, but with all of their assets they came in with, a victory.


Most think it has nothing to do with assets.

Some people get remarried without ever resolving the personality issues that caused their first divorce. Or they date the same type of person they got divorce from, which is also typical.

Usually there aren't children in common, so there is no bond to hold the family together.

There might be children from a previous marriage, most often those children don't accept the new spouse as part of the family, for various reasons.

And finally, once you get your first divorce and realize it wasn't so bad, it's easier to get a divorce the second time if you aren't happy.

As we can see from this thread, those that are truly worried about assets or a bitter about their divorce, never get remarried in the first place, so they don't count in the stats for a second or third divorce.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 93
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Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/27/2014 2:11:18 AM
A man of any age will marry someone he loves and he wants to stick around and not share.
Age doesnt change men THAT much.Please.

If you are dating a 60 plus and he isn't gaga over you in 6 months. He won't be gaga over you in 6 years.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 94
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/27/2014 5:37:16 AM

If I date someone who says "I see no reason to be married again", I also get the message "I might be here today, but don't count on me tomorrow."


I really question this line of "thinking". Especially with the evidence of history that has been given to us "older" ones. How many times do you have to see a person walk away from a marriage before you realize it's not the "ceremony" that determines a person's "commitment"??????

How many?

The lack of the piece of paper or the event or the public service announcement has NEVER determined what I will do for a person that I have strong feelings for. Two actually decided that the "marriage" thingy was so important that they walked. Today, they understand what they walked away from and both have told me that they wished they had the day back again.
 Tsar850
Joined: 3/23/2013
Msg: 95
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/27/2014 6:46:56 AM

There's as much planning for divorcing the new love of your life as planning for a life together. So when there's a snag in a relationship, people don't hesitate to hit the road with all of their assets in tow. People consider a relationship that ends in divorce, but with all of their assets they came in with, a victory.


I have to say I never thought of either of my divorces as a victory even though I came out of both with most of my assets.
I actually morned the loss of both my marriages. My feelings on retaining my assets were that it shouldn't be so hard to keep what I earned for myself.



I don't get your legal reasoning.

When a couple splits up, they keep everything that they had when they started the marriage. Then they split 50/50 everything that was accumulated while being married. For a long marriage, longer than 7 years, maintaining one's lifestyle enters into the picture, as do children. But in your situation, no children to support, and in most older people getting married, no children younger than 18 to support, so no child support.


See this is what I'm talking about. Why is it after from 18 months to 10 years someone would have any claim to something you owned before you met?

You could easily lose a house that has been in your family for generations.


That's what I was thinking, db. I assume one reason he wants to keep our finances separate is to keep his house in his name. I don't see how I would be entitled to what was already his, especially with a prenup.


Most prenuptial agreements are not followed in a divorce. As far as keeping separate accounts that means nothing. I have had to create a very elaborate system to protect my assets. It took many hours and had to create a life estate as well as a llc .


A man of any age will marry someone he loves and he wants to stick around and not share.
Age doesnt change men THAT much.Please.

If you are dating a 60 plus and he isn't gaga over you in 6 months. He won't be gaga over you in 6 years.


Here is the mentality I have mostly found. If I'm not willing to act like a love struck teenager and lay my life's work and my children's inheritance at their feet within a few months I must not be willing to have a relationship with them.

Sorry but I'm not a love struck teen anymore. I'm a grown man that has learned many lessons.
I'm up for a equal relationship so I am looking at what they bring to the table on all levels. At this point in my life I'm looking for someone that has their life together as much as I do.
I don't think it's asking to much to be able to leave my children my life's assets.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 96
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Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/27/2014 7:09:04 AM
Some people still do not believe in living together without marriage for religious or other reasons so it narrows down the options. I mean driving 30 minutes to an hour visiting one another for umpteen years can get old. But after umpteen years you might figure out if will go the duration? Geesh, we are supposed to be smarter the older we get.

^^^I'm no legal expert, but I don't see how your children's inheritance would be jepardized with a prenup and a will dictating your wishes.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 97
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/27/2014 7:15:02 AM

See this is what I'm talking about. Why is it after from 18 months to 10 years someone would have any claim to something you owned before you met?

You could easily lose a house that has been in your family for generations.


Long term marriages are usually defined as longer than 7 years, but not always everywhere. But ….

Why can't I buy antibiotics in a drug store, I can in other countries? Why can't a doctor advertize their rates, they do in other countries? Why can't I get a clear idea how much a medical procedure should cost, I can in many places? Why is marijuana and prostitution illegal? Why were there laws against oral sex in the USA?

I can see the reasoning behind the pros and cons of each legal position, but so what?

These are all philosophical questions that I don't take a lot of time to debate, one can take either side and debate it forever. I am more pragmatically minded and prefer to deal with reality Vs why these things are law.
 Tsar850
Joined: 3/23/2013
Msg: 98
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/27/2014 7:45:39 AM


^^^I'm no legal expert, but I don't see how your children's inheritance would be jepardized with a prenup and a will dictating your wishes.




In fact, prenups get blown up regularly, says Michelle Smith, CDFA, of Smith Financial Strategies Group in New York. “Judges are the ones who make the final rulings. And they are human beings, just like everyone else. They are reading the faces in the room, and body language. They are thinking, ‘Does this smell fair?’ Blanket complete waivers aren’t viewed as fair. Did the partner have adequate legal representation? Were the issues thought about, negotiated, discussed, disclosed? The judges look for financial disclosure, and the lack of it. They weigh any appearance that you were trying to mislead, which will taint the entire document as disreputable. Consider this: Anytime there is nondisclosure, there is a 50/50 shot it gets thrown out. All the more reason you want to not only disclose, but over-disclose.”

http://www.divorce360.com/divorce-articles/law/advice/can-i-break-this-prenup.aspx?artid=890

This is why. Wills can also be disregarded as well. I'm not taking the chance.


These are all philosophical questions that I don't take a lot of time to debate, one can take either side and debate it forever. I am more pragmatically minded and prefer to deal with reality Vs why these things are law.


Not asking why it is legal. More so asking why it is even considered as a possibly.
And also mostly debating it because most people don't know what you're actually agreeing to when you marry. Or that there are ways to protect yourself that keeps assets out of the divorce courts hands.

That is quite a feat but the way. As they can change prenuptial agreements as well as wills.

By debating people learn before a lifetime of work is taken by the person they trusted the most.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 99
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/27/2014 8:51:45 AM

And also mostly debating it because most people don't know what you're actually agreeing to when you marry. Or that there are ways to protect yourself that keeps assets out of the divorce courts hands.

That is quite a feat but the way. As they can change prenuptial agreements as well as wills.


The constitution of the USA can be changed, and it has been changed in the past.

Any agreement legal or not can be changed, any adult should realize that. What varies is how difficult it is to change any particular legal agreement.

I am not losing any sleep over divorce laws concerning assets, it doesn't affect me in any way, and it doesn't affect you. So it's all philosophical for me.

Most people seem to have a hard time getting a date, those that get dates have a hard time finding a relationship they both want to stay in more that a few months. Worrying about what happens a few years after getting married is a theoretical worry for the majority of older people, no one want to marry them. The major worry seems to be getting a date in the first place. Many older women don't seem to favor marriage either. At least I don't see many of either gender complaining on the forums about too many marriage proposals.

IMO we already settled the issue, you legally isolated your assets so no one can touch them, so any further discussion is beating the issue to death. But you can't force everyone to want to emulate your actions, other people have different circumstances and other priorities in life.

The older we get, the less we should worry about these things, but human nature seems to dictate we worry the most about what is least likely to happen and the least about what is most likely to happen.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 100
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/27/2014 9:03:53 AM
over all women want to marry up not down. There was another thread about why women refuse to date a man who makes a lot less then they do. NO I do not mean that every woman is like that but most and then some are. So that means that most of the time the men would be making more money. Now lets say the man makes about 5 times the money the woman does. They been married for 10 years with the man paying for most of the things. During this time she kept working at the job she loves but with low income. Now for what ever reason they want to divorce each other. Lets say there are no kids involved. He still has to pay her money cause she got used to the life style HIS money afforded her. Why would he have to give her half of what ever he got with his money during those 10 years??? So what if he opened another business and if that business that he runs takes off. She now owns half of it even if she has nothing to do with it. Why the man need to pay her money so she can have the life style after they divorce?? Why cant a woman earn her own money for her own life style??
People might argue and say what ever they want but MONEY is a huge part of the relationship and can be even more so then sex. One of the reasons it all starts and end with money. It might not be politically correct and people who talk about how important money is are looked at as they don't understand life, Many people would jump up and down saying that they don't care for the money. Its love and love alone that matters.
Why in so many threads women keep saying that they don't care for the money the men have and they are not after the money. While so many men talk about how much they lost when the women they fell in love before took them to the cleaners later when they started to talk about the divorce. If women didn't take half of what a men has men wouldn't be worried about it or talking about it so much. Before anyone gets married and men in particular they should spend one week in divorce court and watch real life... It would be a huge eye opener for everyone, Men and women.
As for me I never been married and didn't go thru a divorce.
I know of a few couples that been married for many years and are as happy as anyone can ever be.
We all want to strive to that point and wish for the best. But must think with an open mind about what the future might bring and prepare for the worst just in case..
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