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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Friends setting you aside to be in a relationship, what would you do?      Home login  
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 LanaTownsend
Joined: 5/27/2014
Msg: 24
Friends setting you aside to be in a relationship, what would you do?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
It happens a lot in the "honeymoon stage" of a relationship. It's happened to me, I've done it to people. I don't get pissy about it because like femaleconnection ^^^ I choose my friends wisely and I don't consider just anyone a friend. The friends I do have (I can count them on one hand) and I share a bond that is so strong that a new relationship isn't going to threaten that.
 jpwrnglrwmn
Joined: 10/21/2013
Msg: 25
Friends setting you aside to be in a relationship, what would you do?
Posted: 6/24/2014 11:51:56 AM
That it does, (happen in the "honeymoon" stage of a relationship) but it can also happen well past it. . It is pretty damn irritating, but I just keep myself busy with different meetup events (volunteering, food festivals, etc), and projects around my place.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 26
Friends setting you aside to be in a relationship, what would you do?
Posted: 6/26/2014 9:49:09 AM
Yeah, I had a friend back in the day that for over 3 years only wanted to know the rest of us if his girlfriend was busy. If he DID actually hang out with us, she had to go, he didn't drive, and sex happened in our cars while we drove... So you can imagine that we all put an end to doing anything with both of them together pretty fast.

It's just the young mind. You're getting laid now and that's the ONLY thing that matters. Very few people at the OPs age have that maturity to where they want to and can balance both.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 27
Friends setting you aside to be in a relationship, what would you do?
Posted: 6/26/2014 1:07:19 PM
OP, it gets worse.

Just wait until all of your friends start getting married and having children. At first, you are Uncle So-and-so, but after a while, you are just an inconvenience. I did the same thing when I got married and took on fatherhood. Singles are much more spontaneous, have fluid plans, leave stuff to the last minute, etc. Relationships involve other people, kids add even more considerations and responsibilities into the mix, owning a home is a list of "must dos" over and above the rest, etc.

On top of all that, you throw in the concerns and obligations relating to careers. I'm 45 now, everyone I know is happily coupled off and tending to their nests. Initially, I thought being single again would be similar to what being single was like before I got married...lol Boy, was I wrong about that.

Back when my friends were shacking up with the loves of their lives, I found myself feeling left behind. That bothered me and I made a decision - I refused to be "left behind", so I struck out on my own to chase after my dreams instead. Few of those friendships survived the intervening years. There isn't anything you can "do" about it, it's just the nature of living in this world. People come and go through our lives. That will never change.

What you can do is be true to yourself. Be the best person you can be, do what you can to maintain relationships over the long term and be mindful of your own dreams and aspirations. Although they might never tell you this, plenty of those coupled folks will envy your freedom. You might be the "fifth wheel" at a dinner party but the next day, when someone is nagging them for not taking out the garbage, they'll be thinking of you more in terms of "lucky **stard"...lol

You can lament the sad feelings of being left behind or you can put on your boots and head out in a new direction. Find new adventures. It's up to you.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 28
Friends setting you aside to be in a relationship, what would you do?
Posted: 6/26/2014 7:06:56 PM
It's natural not to hang out with your friends as often when they are in relationships. In particular when they have kids. However if they didn't want to hang out with me at least once in a while, then I would stop talking to them. The OP can join meetup.com or something similar where he can meet people with some common interests or backgrounds.
 easterparadehat
Joined: 4/14/2014
Msg: 29
Friends setting you aside to be in a relationship, what would you do?
Posted: 7/2/2014 12:53:39 PM
You should expect someone to push you away when they find someone romantically but not completely cut you off. It is very unhealthy to put just one person on your priority list in life. No matter what people need to be away from their gf/bf every once in a while. I don't get people who are joined at the hip and do everything together.
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