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 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 26
Don't Drink ProfilesPage 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

When you come across a profile that states they don't drink, do you assume they are recovering alcoholics?


You DO know what happens when you "assume", right?
Assuming and jumping to conclusions are not the most advisable ways to live one's life.
I simply consider it as one possibility, along with others.


If you find out they are an alcoholic in recovery, is this a deal breaker?


Not automatically, but it certainly would not be a preferred situation.
It would depend on how well they understood why they became an alcoholic, and how realistic and determined they were to keep the problem under control.


Are you a recovering alcoholic/addict?


No. It appears that I have no genetic or individual predisposition to alcoholism regardless of how much I drink. Alcohol has no permanent hold on me and I can stop myself any time that I choose. I am a "take it or leave it" drinker.
 averagewhitechick
Joined: 4/21/2014
Msg: 27
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/5/2014 7:11:33 AM
"I don't drink" is a dealbreaker because I like pubs and I'm into craft beer. I'm not gonna drink by myself while they sit there with their sober long face and look at me.

Wow, NJ girl ... you're harsh. Maybe that person with the sober long face survived a liver transplant like I did and can't drink, but are fine with their partner drinking socially? But maybe you're sitting there slamming them down and that person is concerned you may be an alcoholic?? And why would that make you uncomfortable unless you do have a problem with alcohol? Honestly, I worry about people who NEED alcohol to have fun.

I never judge anyone for drinking -- I mean, unless they're drinking like a fish because I don't want to be involved with an alcoholic. I used to drink. My liver failure wasn't caused by alcohol.

Don't judge people until you know their story.
 02HDF150
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 28
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Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/5/2014 10:46:45 AM
I think it's crazy to assume a non drinker is a recovering alcoholic just as it's crazy for me to assume every woman's profile that has that they drink is an alcoholic. We've had the would you date a non drinker threads come up before and there seems to be theme that some drinkers wouldn't want to date non drinkers because they'd feel they're being judged, when in fact reading replys from posters come across as the drinkers judging the non drinkers more. If a woman likes to go to pubs to get her drink on, more power to her. But I wouldn't date her because of that, most likely a woman like that and I wouldn't have much in common on other things.
 whippedboi
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 29
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/5/2014 10:55:32 AM
are people who refuse to smoke pot or pop pills, esp. the prescribed downers like Miltown or Librium, Valium, etc.

all recovering problem users, addicts, or "Jesus Freaks" ? hmmm
 irishgirl772
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 30
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/5/2014 10:59:53 AM
A man not drinking would be a plus in my book. My father was an alcoholic and died of liver disease when I was a teenager. I rarely drink for that reason.
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 31
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/5/2014 2:01:45 PM
No, I don’t assume anything when seeing they don’t drink in a profile, but I would ask about it as

- Neither would I date an alcoholic nor

- someone who feels the need to reprimand me for enjoying a glass of wine with my dinner. I don’t care either if they prefer to drink water with the dinner.
 whippedboi
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 32
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/5/2014 2:54:50 PM
Not sure why drinkers are so sure that non-drinkers judge them. Seem overly sensitive..hiding something?addiction?
Alcohol actually is not a necessity of life. Similar to other mood altering drugs.tobacco. caffeine. Etc.
 rftv1020
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 33
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/5/2014 4:36:31 PM
I would not date someone that does not drink at all. I enjoy having a glass of wine with someone, going to vineyards sampling the offerings and don't forget all the cool micro-breweries. Can't imagine living life without another body shot. But with that said not looking for power drinkers either. Holding someone's hair back and out of the toilet is a mood killer. All about moderation.
 OpalescentCloud
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 34
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/5/2014 4:49:06 PM
When I see profiles that say they don't drink, I feel it could be for many reasons.

I tend to stay away from the ones who 'drink daily'. Nothing wrong with it, if it's their cup of tea, but I've lived with alcohol issues in the family before and it's not fun.

I once dated a raging alcoholic. Poor man could drink a bottle of 151 Rum nightly. He would come to work the next day with his nose so red and the skin flaking off his neck. Oy.

He was truly a functional alcoholic- he could always make it to work and produce. But as much as I liked him (now I wonder what on earth I was thinking at the time) I couldn't tolerate that lifestyle.

Poor man passed away last year at 59. That'll do it to ya.

I don't worry if they don't drink- however if they're over religious, that's not my bag either.

Would I date someone who was a recovering alcoholic? Perhaps, though it would depend on how long they've been dry- would depend on how much I was attracted to them, and many other things to consider. They can easily always slide back into that lifestyle, so I would really have to have big time warm fuzzies for them to get involved.

I'm not a big drinker, never have been, never been drunk, don't ever plan on being that way- I like being in control way too much. I love a good glass of wine occasionally, Knob Creek straight up on occasion and a GREAT margarita at my favorite San Antonio restaurant. Other than that, I don't even really drink socially. I drink maybe half a dozen times a year and then it's only ONE drink.

I sound pretty boring, huh? ;)
 CyclistWill77
Joined: 3/6/2009
Msg: 35
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Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/5/2014 5:36:16 PM
Those people who chose to not date people who don't drink are likely missing out on good people. I don't drink, I have a natural aversion to it. I will sample, but after 3 sips of any alcoholic beverage, I don't want any more. I flat out don't like the taste. Do I have an issue with those people who do drink? Nope. I'll meet at a pub for a drink, you can have your beer or whatever and I'll eat a burger and drink a coke or something. Doesn't bother me in the least. If you want to go wine tasting, I'm happy to be a designated driver. That keeps you safe, and other people safe.

The people who chose to dismiss those of us who don't drink, because we don't drink need to screw their heads on straight. Sure there are those who will have an issue with people who drink, but most of us don't care if you do or not. If you happen to be a heavy drinker, I'm not going to be thrilled and will likely leave the relationship. A glass of wine for dinner or a casual beer? No big deal, its common and not worth dismissing anyone over.
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 36
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Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/5/2014 7:05:11 PM
I have, "Does not drink" on my profile. Zero history of alcoholism in my immediate family. I have never liked the taste of alcohol, even as a teenager. However, I occasionally have a glass of wine before bed, to help me fall asleep. In a given year, if I have 5 gin & tonics, it's a lot. So, while I am not a "drinker" per se. I do, on very rare occasions have a drink. I am an introvert by nature however, I can "turn it on" if needed, and I do not need alcohol to do it. I have also never needed liquid courage to approach a woman when out.

It irritates the hell out of me, to be asked, when out for business or socially, "Why aren't you drinking?" It's a stupid question. As if it's O.K. to judge someone for NOT taking a drug. Because the fact is, alcohol is just a legal drug. As far as I'm concerned, if alcohol is legal, then marijuana should be legal. "Back in the day", I used to work in a nightclub, and there is NOTHING worse, than a man or woman who cannot handle their liquor; and there are TONS of people, of all ages, who are complete 'lightweights' and do not know their limitations.

No, I do not assume that a woman is a recovering alcoholic just because she does not drink.

Despite very rarely drinking, I have been on winery tours and I enjoy them (and I never drink during the visit).

I do not have a problem with a woman who drinks socially, however, I would not be interested in a woman who enjoyed going out to bars or nightclubs. Just not my scene.

I am judgmental. I own it and I don't care. I think of any addiction as a weakness, and I do NOT buy into this whole, late 20th/early 21st Century notion of alcohol and drug abuse as, "diseases". They are CHOICES. The way I see it, a disease is something that happens to you. You don't have direct control over it. If you know alcoholism (or whatever) runs in your family, then, maybe you should never let alcohol (or whatever) touch your lips or nose. Duh!
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 37
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/5/2014 10:55:26 PM

Not sure why drinkers are so sure that non-drinkers judge them. Seem overly sensitive..hiding something?addiction?
Alcohol actually is not a necessity of life. Similar to other mood altering drugs.tobacco. caffeine. Etc.


Because some ( not all ) non-drinkers do judge. I know non-drinkers that think drinkers and/or people that go to bars are alcoholics, immature etc.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 38
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Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/7/2014 9:57:25 AM
I like sites that had an option
'Rarely,... Or 'special occasions'. This rules out the alcoholic or religious whacko.

Many of us had the same thoughts...no issue if someone doesn't drink but it needs be for the right reasons. Anyways, I certainly do judge and see red flags when I saw 'does not drink'. Skip. Might have been a nice guy but I have nothing to base that on. As a woman I was more aware of avoiding potential issues.

Also, a man should have some social awareness. if he doesn't drink (or there is some other potential red flag) then perhaps add a note in his profile as to why. Some will say they don't have a pet ...but ok if you do, etc.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 39
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Posted: 7/7/2014 10:15:11 AM
I come from a line of alcoholics. Intoxication turns me off.

My body doesn't react well to alcohol. One drink and I'm flushed and very warm.

I spray cologne on my neck and chest and it will get temporarily flushed.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 40
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Posted: 7/7/2014 10:59:15 AM
I never assume. I have friends that drank in college and stopped once they had kids, I have friends that are sober alcoholics, and I have friends that have always had only one glass of wine with dinner every day. You never know until someone tells you.

Some people just don't have a taste for it anymore. My sister loved wine and even collected it at one point, but today she's 50 and has 9 year old twins. She runs marathons, and she says wine just doesn't agree with her anymore. It bothers her stomach and she's always very tired the next day after having a glass or two, so she avoids it. If affects her running.
My brother was in an accident and now takes medication, so he avoids alcohol. Although I have seen him have a beer on vacation.
Neither of them have any issues with their spouses drinking or serving it to friends.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 41
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/7/2014 11:15:09 AM
When you come across a profile that states they don't drink, do you assume they are recovering alcoholics?

No, I don't assume they are recovering alcoholics but it does cross my mind.


Is this usually the case from your experience? If you find out they are an alcoholic in recovery, is this a deal breaker?

It's a mandatory deal breaker, I could lose my license and have all credentials taken away if I ever I get involved with anyone who have been through any rehab I've ever worked in, for any addictive behavior. So I have no option but to refuse any recovering addict, as I don't have access to all databases to find out if they've gone through any of those rehabs. I just avoid the hassle.


Would you be willing to take a chance with a former addict who could relapse? How long would they need to be sober before you would consider dating them?

No, I cannot take a chance, it would be taking a chance at ending my career. As a substance abuse counselor, it is unfair for me to have anything to do with a recovering addict. I personally do not have an issue with such relationships, because I believe in the recovery process, but my career matters more.


Are you a recovering alcoholic/addict? Have you experienced prejudice while out there fishing?

No.
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 42
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/7/2014 5:50:39 PM
Living in Utah , "do not drink" on a profile typically means they're LDS/Mormon.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 43
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/7/2014 7:51:18 PM
Let's all jump on the assumption train. All aboard!
In the question "Do you do drugs": Anybody who answers No is a recovering drug addict.
In the question "Do have a car": Anybody who answers No has had multiple DUI's and had their license taken away and their vehicle impounded. What other possible explanation can there be?
Feel free to add more assumptions to everything you read. Contrary to what you believe, delusions are NOT your friend.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 44
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Posted: 7/7/2014 10:15:20 PM
^^^

Actually life experience is indeed my friend.

If there are 500 men in my city that meet my basic requirements and 200 message me...who do I respond to and meet? Hint...this is not an equal opportunity 'first come, first serve' event...it is meeting my potential partner for life. I don't serial date 200 guys. Some criteria is needed to choose. Yes, some things in a profile may be misinterpreted but there is nothing else to narrow the field of suitors down to a few guys. I'm not there to give every man 'a chance'....this isn't a civil rights exercise.

I'm not asking follows up questions on 200 messages...'what do you mean by this?'
 RedrockJen
Joined: 3/27/2014
Msg: 45
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/8/2014 8:27:23 AM
Appreciate everyone's intelligent and insightful replies. Learning a great deal. Thanks.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 46
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/8/2014 9:20:27 AM
My wife never drinks and doesn't eat beef. I do both.

My brother doesn't ever drink, he doesn't like it.

No one stops me from eating beef or drinking. though now I eat less beef. None of this had anything to do being an alcoholics or an addict. But I will admit, if I drink enough to get a little buzz, it starts to bother my wife.

At one time in my 30s I drank a lot for a year, but when I started to vomit the next day and couldn't stop, I quit and now never drink more than 3 beers and at most once a week, but more often once once a month. I used to drink like it was cola, so I would down a lot of drinks in a short period of time in a social situation. I never tried to control it, but that was 30 years ago.

I don't think I am prone to addiction, so it's easy to stop.

I never drank alone, and have known several active alcoholics and several that were in AA and were sober for 20 years, but these were all men. I suppose I would date a recovered addict, but the subject never came up.

I never paid a lot of attention to whether someone said they drank or not, but if they went out of their way to mention this in text/profile/pictures, then I would think it might be a caution flag. Either way, not drinking or drinking too much.
 gingham1
Joined: 7/4/2014
Msg: 47
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/8/2014 8:13:10 PM
I don't make any assumptions. There are many reasons why people don't drink. Including medical conditions or simply not liking the taste of it.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 48
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/8/2014 10:21:13 PM
Nope, I wouldn't date a man who was a nondrinker. I don't care what the reason is. I've never once met a nondrinker I found interesting enough to consider dating. Not one.

Here in the deep South, the two most common reasons I've encountered for not drinking are those that don't drink for religious reasons, and those that are recovering alcoholics---neither of which interest me.

Men who had medical reasons for not drinking never particularly appealed to me, either---I met one man who told me he was on several different medications that didn't mix with alcohol.

I think the lamest reason of all for not drinking was given to me by the men who claimed they didn't drink just because they didn't like the taste of alcohol. Seriously??

I'm a wine connoisseur and a member of a wine-tasting group that travels to different vineyards. I couldn't imagine myself having enough in common with a man who didn't appreciate fine wines.
 Szaszaspasz
Joined: 11/13/2012
Msg: 49
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Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/8/2014 10:39:09 PM

I think the lamest reason of all for not drinking was given to me by the men who claimed they didn't drink just because they didn't like the taste of alcohol. Seriously??


When I was in my teens and up to the age of 22 years. I didn't like the taste of alcohol.
My palate matured later in life and I've been making up for lost time.

I don't judge if a person drinks or doesn't, unless it becomes a problem with their behaviour and starts to negatively affect their own life, as well as those around them.

I don't drink profiles, but I drink wine, coolers or beer.
 averagewhitechick
Joined: 4/21/2014
Msg: 50
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/9/2014 5:17:41 AM
I think the lamest reason of all for not drinking was given to me by the men who claimed they didn't drink just because they didn't like the taste of alcohol. Seriously??"

Seriously? You can't be that clueless. There are plenty of people who don't like the taste of alcohol. You come across as very pretentious with that attitude ... "wine connoisseur and member of wine-tasting group" LMAO

You do realize wine is nothing more than fermented grape juice, right?
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