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 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 26
When to cut the Umbilical cordPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Many have their mom live with them or she visits indefinitely.

Many live near their mom and visit regularly.

If they live farther away, they travel to see each other often and call each other frequently.


What horrible people. I can see why they are undateable.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 27
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/5/2014 7:58:06 AM

Many have their mom live with them or she visits indefinitely.

Many live near their mom and visit regularly.

If they live farther away, they travel to see each other often and call each other frequently.


Why should this be an issue? I don't get it. My gf's mother lives about 5 blocks from her. She takes her to the doctor one monday out of the month. She has been a babysitter for our dates several times. My gf is still quite independent from her mom. She also does not use the kids as an excuse not to do things. We are at that point in the relationship where we do things with the kids as well. When we started dating, she didn't like to take them to restaurants because they were too unruly. Now we go to restaurants all the time without any problems.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 28
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/5/2014 8:00:58 AM
I read a post once where the woman was in her 50's and had an adult child and grandchildren. She wouldn't let her boyfriend of a year and a half stay overnight because people would see his car at her place in the morning - "what would the neighbours think and then it would be all around town." OMG, what an idiot this woman is/was.

I get the not staying over/having sex at someone's home if they have children (under 18) at home. And I get that the bedroom shouldn't have a revolving door. But if you're seeing someone steady and in a relationship - have them stay over. And this his place/her place - stay where ever you're comfortable. I know I wouldn't want to be looking for motels just to have sex with a guy I'm dating. Those of us 50-ish and beyond should be well past the stage of over thinking all this or worrying about what the neighbours think and what our adult children think.
 easterparadehat
Joined: 4/14/2014
Msg: 29
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/5/2014 8:30:16 AM
I care about my mom alot. She is 69 years old and refuse to alienate her so some guy has a chance with me. I live in a different house, same property as her. I live in my late grandmothers/great grandparents house from the early 1920s. Some may want a steep mortgage, I'll pass on that one. No one should alienate themself from family to appease insecure possible romantic interests.
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 30
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/5/2014 8:34:03 AM
This is why rooms have doors, doors have locks (be discrete), and people get married. If she's a screamer, put a sock in it ;)
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 31
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/5/2014 8:57:13 AM
I personally would not be interested in sleeping at any girlfriend's house where her kids are there simultaneously. My preference would simply be to wait until the kids are staying with their father. If they are her adult children, my plan would be to invite her to my own child-free home since I never had kids.

As mentioned by an earlier poster...would you wish to stay where her adult kids are totally "comfortable & accustomed" to their mother having overnight guests? If it was not somewhat surprising to them, it would make me wonder a bit. ;-)
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 32
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/5/2014 11:39:30 AM
boy, i thought this post was going to be about the financial umbilical cord.

I had a female coworker telling me one morning about how she had been getting bounced around on the mattress upstairs when mommy came home downstairs, and only realizing later how much obvious noise had been made by said mattress. Third to last lover I had, we stayed over her parents' in Wisconsin and they let us have one room and my girl was quite horned up by the whole situation...and OK, I was too. Friend of mine's last bf, they did it against the washing machine after his daughter came home from school (and stayed upstairs natch).

It turns some people on. It turns some people off. The whole concept is to respect what turns on or turns off your lover. but then, nearly any relationship question can be answered with, "is it respectful or is it not?"

as for the question about divorced moms bonding with their daughters, all I can report is the two situations I know of. In both cases, mom realized what a pattern of mistakes she made with men, and wanted to "live the correction" thru their daughters, who of course...wanted to have the (temporary)fun of making their own mistakes.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 33
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/5/2014 1:10:28 PM
""I care about my mom alot (sic). She is 69 years old and refuse to alienate her so some guy has a chance with me. I live in a different house, same property as her. I live in my late grandmothers/great grandparents house from the early 1920s (sic). Some may want a steep mortgage, I'll pass on that one. No one should alienate themself (sic) from family to appease insecure possible romantic interests.""

That may be all well and wonderful that you live on the same property but in different homes and it shouldn't make a difference whether you have a man stay over or if your mother has a man stay over. You're both adults and should feel free enough with your age, wisdom and sexuality to realize that.....we all want, need and enjoy sex. And at 49 or 69...it's makes no difference. Both of you should have fun.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 34
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History
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/5/2014 5:59:43 PM
It's awkward, especially as kids get older. Might be different for a father to do this while his kids are home, not sure. When I was in a long term relationship I had sleepovers but still found it awkward.
I don't think we have issues, I think we know our children find it slightly repulsive!
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 35
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/6/2014 6:08:49 AM
probably more than slightly. First time I experienced it ( my Mother and her BF of awhile, my husband and I were visiting) I broke the ice by asking him if he was going to be my new daddy. I am that evil. Yes we all know our parents have sex however most of us prefer not hearing them have sex.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 36
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/6/2014 7:41:37 AM

Yes we all know our parents have sex however most of us prefer not hearing them have sex.


Some years ago, I was in an exclusive relationship with a man, who had 3 teenage children. Ages 19-16. Two boys and a girl. We/ (he, I and his kids,) had known each other for years, but at that time, dating for 6 months.

All of us, were spending the Memorial Day weekend , with his parents/at his parents, long time RV Resort, "camp site". His parents decided to return home, (due to his father's ill health) and I thought, "Oh goody, we can have the camper to ourselves." No sooner had his parents drove away, I saw his kids removing their things from the tent and taking up residence in the camper. To say, I wasn't a "happy camper" is an understatement. My thought was, "OK, he doesn't see his kids that often, this is family time for them, and I will just have to put my personal desires aside."

That night, shortly after crawling into bed, he "makes the move".

I was appalled, that he could even consider the possibility of having sex with me, WITH his teenage children, no more than 8 feet away. Not only from my perspective, but his kids as well.
I sat bolt upright in bed, burst into tears and hissed under my breath, "You can't be serious! If you think I'm having sex with you, HERE and NOW, you clearly have lost your mind!"

OP, it is not so much "to cut the umbilical cord" as it is just common decency. Respect for others. There is a place AND time, to engage in sexual activity. Be mindful of a sense of "right and wrong". Show respect.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 37
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/6/2014 8:10:03 AM
message# 30
Believe it or not there ARE neighborhoods/towns who notice what goes on with their friends/neighbors.

Yes it has a down side but it also has an upside, where your neighbor might call you-or the cops-if they thought somebody was robbing or vandalizing your home

They might come knocking on your door if they haven't seen you, or your car hasn't moved for a couple of days. They could be the one that stops when they see an ambulance in your yard, to make sure someone is going to look after your pets if you are in the hospital-or dead.

If they see you standing in front of your car with the hood up, the might come over to see if there is anything they can do to help. They might knock on your door to warn you about the huge wasps' nest under the back eave of your garage or storage shed.


I realize that for many people who live in urban areas or in complete isolation, or in places where someone gets nurdered on the street in broad daylight and everybody thinks "it's none of my business".

Yes, it may seem kind of extreme for someone over 50 to worry about what the neighbors think or about gossip getting around, if you have family in the community, if you(or family) have a business or civic position in the community, sometimes those of us who live in middle-age, middleclass, middle America small towns, DO have to take such things into consideration.
Cindy O
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 38
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History
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/6/2014 9:47:43 AM
I am not a sexual prude nor someone who has taught my children that they must wait for marriage to have sex. I have taught them that they should seek out healthy relationships and that they would be happier if they chose to have sex within the confines of a loving relationship wherein sex is a progression in that relationship. My kids are 15, 19, and 22, and currently my youngest has his knickers in a twist because for the first time in about 7 years I'm not battling health issues, look good and guys are checking out my ass, he's about to have apoplexy.

Now, this woman offered her couch or guest room because she didn't want you driving drunk. She didn't offer her home so that you could get into her pants and if you have just started dating I too agree get a hotel or stay at your place. I don't think that you need to never have a sex life, I happen to think that it is not a bad thing for your kids to see you happy in a relationship that obviously at some point includes sex, but unless you are far down the road into a long-term relationship you are still trying to live by the morals you have tried to instill in your kids. Screwing around is something I did in my early 20s when no children were involved. Now I wouldn't even want to because hellooo, sex tends to be better when you know the person you are with, have learned each other's bodies, etc.

You seem to be confusing walking around on eggshells with people trying to respect their children just as they might a parent or sibling that for whatever reason was living in the house or there for a visit from out-of-town. If kids are still in college they are essentially no different than younger children when they are home because mom is still supporting them so that they can finish school. Most adults would not allow said children to bring men or women home with them and they apparently feel that they should have the same consideration for their children.

Being the "grown-up" does not mean you get to do whatever the hell you want with no consideration for other people. You want to come for dinner, to watch t.v., or whatever, that's fine but most normal people aren't having you jump into bed with the kids around when you are have recently met. Maybe you should seek out women whose children are grown and totally gone because they can do whatever the hell they want and won't feel they are setting a poor example for their children of any age. And really, you don't know why a woman would be close to her children whether male or female? In my case, even when we lived with my ex, I was a single parent so I'm close to all three of mine and probably particularly my daughter.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 39
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/6/2014 2:12:58 PM
""Yes, it may seem kind of extreme for someone over 50 to worry about what the neighbors think or about gossip getting around, if you have family in the community, if you(or family) have a business or civic position in the community, sometimes those of us who live in middle-age, middleclass, middle America small towns, DO have to take such things into consideration.""

I don't care how middle age, middle class or middle American folks are, if I've been going out with someone for a year or two, why the heck would I give a damn what my neighbours think if I have my guy staying overnight at my house? Maybe it's time my neighbours worried about something really important instead of my sex life. I'm not talking about someone having an escort/hooker at their house or a different car parked there every night; it's a guy this woman had been going out with for 2 years. Geez, why perpetuate the narrow mindedness.

All of this seems so silly. With minor children, don't have a different guy in your bed every weekend. And no, I don't want to have sex with my parents in the next room or adult children or grandchildren. But some of this is just weird.
 Foodnmusicguy
Joined: 5/7/2014
Msg: 40
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/6/2014 2:22:31 PM
I once dated a woman who had 2 small kids and she'd wanna get it on after they'd gone to bed.

Well, I had to SHHH her because she was so loud !

I'd say aren't you worried at all about them hearing ?

She'd say no they're sleeping .

I'd say have you ever heard of waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom ????

Some moms are odd.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 41
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/6/2014 3:00:30 PM
Geez, why perpetuate the narrow mindedness.


I'm not perpetuating anything, nor am I saying this is my personal opinion. I am simply saying that I can understand where the concern was coming from.

if I've been going out with someone for a year or two, why the heck would I give a damn what my neighbours think if I have my guy staying overnight at my house?

So? This is your position, that's fine. Why the need to attack/sneer at someone who may be in a different situation?
And I don't know who mentioned hookers/escorts? It certainly wasn't I.
In fact the whole thing was simply somebody making a comment about something said in a different thread, that seem related to what we were discussing here.

Just because a person is over 45 doesn't always mean that he or she can just damn well do anything somebody pleases. For those who can, that's fine but lets not disrespect those whose circumstances might be different.

Trust me, in some small towns, or certain neighborhoods, the gossip CAN be quite vicious and the the viciousness will wash over onto family.

LOL, I dated a GUY for awhile who was very concerned that his neighbors didn't see MY vehicle. He was concerned that they would report him to his kids- who would subsequently be all over him because he had experienced a bout of depression. (beats the hell outa me, too)
It all seemed a little TOO weird so I just stopped seeing the guy. I didn't feel the need to post a complaint about it on an internet forum.
We all have our own lives and our own set of circumstances to deal with. If someone has concerns or restrictions about overnight sex-partner guests, I see no point in sneering at them or having a tantrum.

In many cases women DO have to be more circumspect. Especially if there are kids/grandkids that she wants to set an example for.

Just because the woman you had a date with offers you the couch or guest room due to you've had one too many or the weather is horrible, doesn't mean there is something wrong with her if she won't have you in HER bed if her children are in the house.
Remember the OT is NOT about a longterm relationship but a new dating situation.
Cindy O
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 42
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/6/2014 5:13:39 PM
I guess I'm just a little more open minded as well as more realistic than some. Like I said, unless you have a revolving door in your bedroom I do t see an issue with a long term boyfriend/girlfriend spending the night . Hell, even pastors, mayors and managers at WalMart get laid. I just have other things or think about than if my neighbours are having sex.

My father was widowed a few years ago and he's now "thinking" about a partner to share his life with. He said "you know, everything still works...if you know what I mean". I hope he finds someone and they have a wonderful fun filled, joyful and sexual life together. Many would shudder and go "eewwww". Not me. My umbilical cord was cut many years ago.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 43
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History
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/6/2014 7:24:43 PM
The issue is not if you have anything better to do than watch your neighbors. It is whether a 9 year old neighbor girl will see that her friends (classmate) grandma has overnight company. I will not subject my innocent granddaughter to such ridicule, however immature and misplaced. Sorry for going sort of off topic.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 44
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/7/2014 6:55:17 AM
I would think that if someone has been dating/in a relationship with a man or woman for two or three years or more, the partner would have been introduced to their respective family or extended families by now. And children don't pay much attention to stuff like "are they married" "are they sinning". My grandchildren have two aunts that live with their boyfriends, the kids don't bat an eye. I think, personal opinion here, that if you can't handle the simple things like "Uncle Tony has a girlfriend and she stays over sometimes" or "Grandpa has a girlfriend" and leave it as that - how do you handle the stuff life "Timmy has two mommy's".

Kids now are in "broken" homes, shuffled between parents, watch movies/tv and see and hear all kinds of things. Long gone is the bubble that used to surround children. And at times, adults make more of things than children do. Children just seem to brush things off.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 45
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/7/2014 7:14:08 AM
^^^ You keep banging away (hee hee) about an established relationship.

That is not germane to the topic of this thread, which clearly addresses a woman the OP met "Recently."

recent woman I met off Match


Surely, you are free to fawk whomever you please in the "privacy" of your home (or on your kitchen table, or whatever) regardless of who may be on the other side of the door or watching from the foyer, however, the reason people are dismissing your example is because it does NOT apply to the situation presented here.

Repeating the same irrelevant example 3 - 4 times (oops, sorry, I just checked your history … 5 TIMES) in an attempt to get consensus does not make it any more relevant.


why the heck would I give a damn what my neighbors think


I guess I'm just a little more open minded as well as more realistic than some


P.S. There are personality disorders that are partially diagnosed through testing factors that include caring too much and even, TOO LITTLE what others think. Just because you seem to believe people should not care what others think, does not make you more evolved, it could mean something quite different.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 46
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/7/2014 8:04:02 AM
Boy, aren't some folks a constant little ray of fawkin sunshine. And this original topic WAS about a recent meet up but it has bounced around as to people's thoughts and experiences. Last I heard most folks had the choice of replying or ignoring. Seems simple really, in my opinion.
 Foodnmusicguy
Joined: 5/7/2014
Msg: 47
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/7/2014 8:13:54 AM

There are personality disorders that are partially diagnosed through testing factors that include caring too much and even, TOO LITTLE what others think. Just because you seem to believe people should not care what others think, does not make you more evolved


If I have the choice between caring too much or too little , I'll take the latter - much more LIBERATING !

Too many people sentence themselves to their own prison, stifling/censoring themselves because they're too worried others will judge them.

Sad.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 48
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/7/2014 8:30:11 AM

If I have the choice between caring too much or too little , I'll take the latter - much more LIBERATING !

Too many people sentence themselves to their own prison, stifling/censoring themselves because they're too worried others will judge them.

Sad.

Ok, then. You may not realize that much of your attitude is culturally biased … i.e. you have little conscious choice in your perspective. In the USA, we build a shrine to individual rights/freedoms and we may be in danger of losing our ability to work in the best interest of the greater societal good (if that ship has not already sailed). Although you reside in Canada, your cultural beliefs, values, morals, and mores are more deeply influenced by the impact of the USA's media and social currents than you may like to believe.

The perspective you espouse is not admired in places such as Sweden, where I have lived and worked. They have a history of pulling themselves out of the hole as one of the most poor nations on earth in early 1900's to becoming one of the most prosperous. A nation populated with "me first" citizens would not have succeeded. It will be interesting to see what happens around here (the USA) in the next 40 years, though I will be gone.
 Foodnmusicguy
Joined: 5/7/2014
Msg: 49
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/7/2014 9:02:58 AM

The perspective you espouse is not admired in places such as Sweden, where I have lived and worked. They have a history of pulling themselves out of the hole as one of the most poor nations on earth in early 1900's to becoming one of the most prosperous. A nation populated with "me first" citizens would not have succeeded


I fail to see what one has to do with the other.

If Sweden was populated with people who felt free to express themselves as individuals , minding their own business, live and let live attitude I would think that could only be an ADVANTAGE to working together as a nation .
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 50
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/7/2014 9:04:00 AM
Wow this post sort of took a detour, but at any rate, thanks for the input, although I wasn't looking to be preached at, I got the expected response from most I figured, and others I couldn't really care less what they wrote, because they usually type up 3 or 4 paragraphs of drivel with a point somewhere in the haystack, which I'm not interested in looking for. As for the ones who answer without kids or any desire to date, not even sure why you would throw in your 2 cents, but I suppose that's why it's an open forum, the ones that can't..try to teach.

Miss snatch, when I say recent, I meant as in most recent, as in the latest gf...not someone I met recently at the bar the night before, i was with my wife a total of 18 years, first partner for both of us, so excuse me if I want to live a little now.
So I have had a few girlfriends over a span of 10 years, if that makes me a slvt, I guess I'm not alone in that group. It seems some just come on here to pretend they're dating site shrinks, or perhaps to practice their stand up routines and see how many emoticons they can squeeze into one post, well whatever entertains you I suppose, but anyone who has been on here since Markus started up the site shouldn't be trying to give advice on dating or pointing fingers.

I admit I am just relearning this whole dating game, if I make mistakes along the way, so be it.
and unlike what Igor projects, I wasn't talking of having sex on the table, against the bannister or hanging from the ceiling fan, I just didn't see anything wrong with 2 adults wanting too spend the night together, with their door shut, being discreet. and I don't have a hungry d*ck VK, so I enjoy sex with a woman I've known for a while and have been out on a few dates with...sue me! geez some people gotta get off of here and get a life and stop hangin out to save the world from OLD, it's worked very well for me, I'm not into the bar scene, or harassing women while they shop for groceries...what's left for options??
Thanks for everyone's feedback

FF
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