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 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 23
Dating during a bad economy?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
many women my age are educated and make great money. They are already set up in a house, or have the house after a divorce, or own a condo and have the money to travel, or go out each week with friends and I currently don't, if I want to achieve my goals. I can't keep up with them and I think that has been hurting me.


Nope. YOU are hurting yourself. You have a high school education and a limited income, yet you are pursuing "career women" who seek someone who may have more equitable assets.

Like I said earlier, try to quit pursuing the trophy GF. It sounds like they are on the same checklist of acquisitions you gave: boat (check), new truck (check), house in five years (check), professional, degreed woman with own house (check)

Oh, well ... I still think you are looking outwardly for "evidence" to support your success. Getting an accomplished and financially solvent GF to place in your curio cabinet just sounds like another manifestation of that.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 24
Dating during a bad economy?
Posted: 8/15/2014 8:59:01 AM

I am trying to set my self up for financial security, but that does not mean I am emotionally unavailable.

You can set yourself up without getting others involved in the hardship. If you are trying to date with intention to form a relationship, be realistic and tell her that you're not financially stable and you are currently rebuilding yourself, which means there are real limitations on what you can do with her (financially). If she's ok with that fine, if not, fine. Most people want their equal, so perhaps you can find someone in the same process who also has to be budget conscious with their own money.


You could be with someone for years and they could lose their job and have to start over again. They could get into an accident, or get sick costing you 100K in medical bills. Life is hard and not all about having fun.

I've already been there as I explained before, so I know the struggle. I went through it in my younger years and that's why I don't desire someone who doesn't have it together.


With that being said, a man should be able to handle what life throws at him and still love his woman. Thats maturity.

Loving someone is not the issue, the fact that life short and people are looking to enjoy life, is the issue. A man's ability to provide for the woman in his life is something taken very seriously and something that affects a man's masculinity, so much of his thoughts are self-defeating when he sees himself not able to do so. Same as his ability to perform. If he is not able to do what he believes a man should, it affects not only him but also the woman involved.

Maturity is the ability to prioritize what's important even against our on desires (like putting on a condom, when you would rather not use one, as the consequences are not worth an orgasm.)


I have dated women who had troubled family histories and turned to wine, or partying a lot to forget it I would imagine and that seemed to make them emotionally unavailable to me. The problem with these people isn't that they have a problem, or that they are building something...thats life for all of us and it can change at any time for better or for worse. The problem with them is they are selfish and are only thinking of themselves.


And you don't think you're only thinking of yourself? You misrepresent yourself by displaying things you cannot afford, activities that seem like what you have to offer someone joining you when you can't go boating yourself due to cost, you're well aware it's gonna take years to become stable yet your concern is how to date when you have very little to offer. None of it is mature. You're trying to live beyond your means in several aspects. You want to be at the beach with your friends all the time and can't afford it, want to date but can't offer anything stable. You're trying to have your cake and eat it too.

Be upfront about it on your profile and any woman interested will know what she's in for, and why the dates are budget friendly. That way, you won't attract women who are used to a lifestyle you cannot join her in or provide her with.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 25
Dating during a bad economy?
Posted: 8/15/2014 10:15:58 AM
...and that's why I don't desire someone who doesn't have it together.

I'd like to point out that perspective of having it 'together' is an EXCLUSIVE viewpoint based on the dater's own past experiences. It's rarely ever defined the same way twice. Some consider 'together' being completely debt-free, others consider it having a surplus of disposable income, others yet just want people to pay their bills and live frugally. CONFIDENCE in one's own financial situation usually wins over whatever line gets drawn, because as long as people don't show stress over money, it's easy for the other to turn a blind eye to it.


A man's ability to provide for the woman in his life is something taken very seriously and something that affects a man's masculinity, so much of his thoughts are self-defeating when he sees himself not able to do so. Same as his ability to perform.

No argument there - but having a label like 'bankruptcy' loom over your head often creates a cloud darker than any 'performance' a man can give. Circumstances beyond one's control are still included in the evaluation, whether it be 'fair' or not, so whatever opinions are made by an internet stranger cannot - and should not - be taken personally.


Be upfront about it on your profile and any woman interested will know what she's in for, and why the dates are budget friendly. That way, you won't attract women who are used to a lifestyle you cannot join her in or provide her with.

No offense, but listing 'bankrupt' in a profile is about as detrimental as saying 'criminal record' or 'pregnant'. Some things are better left for real-life conversations and NOT remote online judging. The OP can sell himself better by NOT emphasizing wealth and luxury than he ever could by honestly explaining his financial crisis.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 26
Misrepresentation and it's consequences
Posted: 8/15/2014 11:20:53 AM

I'd like to point out that perspective of having it 'together' is an EXCLUSIVE viewpoint based on the dater's own past experiences. It's rarely ever defined the same way twice. Some consider 'together' being completely debt-free, others consider it having a surplus of disposable income, others yet just want people to pay their bills and live frugally. CONFIDENCE in one's own financial situation usually wins over whatever line gets drawn, because as long as people don't show stress over money, it's easy for the other to turn a blind eye to it.

Whatever definition you want to use, it's a mechanism that places stress on a relationship by virtue of one party not having options available, which translate to a relationship not having many choices available. So if you have limitations, it is incumbent upon you to inform the other party before they make you one of their choices (lacking pertinent information).


No argument there - but having a label like 'bankruptcy' loom over your head often creates a cloud darker than any 'performance' a man can give. Circumstances beyond one's control are still included in the evaluation, whether it be 'fair' or not, so whatever opinions are made by an internet stranger cannot - and should not - be taken personally.

I just can't believe the level of selfishness displayed. So it doesn't matter what someone else wants in a relationship, let's just have them deal with someone who cannot be 100% in the relationship, someone whose mind is focused on building and whose approach at it will set limits in the relationship.

Sure, don't consider the opinion of a woman who already went through being with someone who had it together and then had to start all over, after all, who cares about a woman's needs in a relationship, who cares about what a woman may want, who cares about what women feels when all there is is a struggle to not fall apart. No one seems to give a f*ck about who they asking to be their life partner, men just want to stick it in and not be judged, f*ck consequences right? Nothing ever changes.


No offense, but listing 'bankrupt' in a profile is about as detrimental as saying 'criminal record' or 'pregnant'. Some things are better left for real-life conversations and NOT remote online judging.

That's like suggesting that people lie about things that directly affect the quality of relationship one has to offer, let's omit having children (if they like you, they'll accept you and the children you'll only disclose in real life, right?), being employed (because it's inconsequential whether I can build a future with whose equal footing with me, right?), a physical disability (because if they like you, they won't notice they can't go hiking or do any physical demanding activity with such, right?), let's not disclose unresolved marital status (if she likes you, she'll understand, right?).

To not disclose something important, such that it really paints a picture of what can be expected, is the same as lying. I'm not suggesting he disclose details of the issue, just mention he is in the process of rebuilding himself. Whether disclosed in the profile or not, it will affect dating and it will be obvious.

Would you like someone whose 2 weeks pregnant not tell you anything until you're at a 2-month mark and then she goes "surprise surprise!'? Lol. Wouldn't you feel like you were made a fool from a very beginning? Like you were left out on something crucial which would shape the relationship.

I agree that certain things need not to be disclosed before it's relevant, but anything that will limit the relationship in the short run and then the long run are things to be brought up rather soon so resentment doesn't happen as a consequence.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 27
Misrepresentation and it's consequences
Posted: 8/15/2014 12:22:01 PM
I would never mention a bankruptcy in a profile. There are appropriate moments to disclose private information and a dating profile, which is visible to the entire world, is not the place. I know several people personally from work and other areas of my life who are on these sites and I have seen they have looked at my profile over the years, and I don't think they need to read about something like this.

Not just that-people have a right to reveal what they want when they want, unfortunately you can't make demands about laying it all out right upfront in a public arena..that's not your call to make.

I also would not expect that people would reveal they have STD's, medical issues, mental health/medication stuff...no one has to list this in a profile. Some stuff is private, to be discussed IN private between two people who are interested in sharing one another's lives. There's PLENTY of stuff people can hide, just because one thing is listed on a profile doesn't mean they are being forthcoming about *everything.*

I know in this day and age of cameras everywhere, the pressure to lead public lives all the time..it's still good form to leave SOMETHING off the grid. No one needs to know anything about me on the internet other than what I choose to reveal, and it is not going to be personal financial information.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 28
Misrepresentation and it's consequences
Posted: 8/15/2014 12:27:29 PM

Sure, don't consider the opinion of a woman who already went through being with someone who had it together and then had to start all over, after all, who cares about a woman's needs in a relationship, who cares about what a woman may want, who cares about what women feels when all there is is a struggle to not fall apart.

My point is that if someone dismisses you because of a label like 'bankruptcy' without bothering to consider who you are, you don't need to waste time on them. What they want or need is INDEED totally irrelevant - because they already decided to stay an internet stranger. What I meant is in the context of rejection - you can't take it personally because it ISN'T personal at that point - it's a judgement call - their opinion - and they are free to make their choice - and I am free to dismiss it and not let it bother me.


I agree that certain things need not to be disclosed before it's relevant, but anything that will limit the relationship in the short run and then the long run are things to be brought up rather soon so resentment doesn't happen as a consequence.

But disclosing them in a PROFILE is NOT a 'relationship' - it's advertising - a personals ad - and really is no place to disclose those kinds of details. That kind of stuff gets discussed in early phone calls and first dates - but NOT advertised. How many men AND women are willing to show full side profile photos of their waistlines in the interest of being 'honest'? It doesn't happen much for a reason.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 29
Misrepresentation and it's consequences
Posted: 8/17/2014 11:11:15 AM

To not disclose something important, such that it really paints a picture of what can be expected, is the same as lying. I'm not suggesting he disclose details of the issue, just mention he is in the process of rebuilding himself. Whether disclosed in the profile or not, it will affect dating and it will be obvious.


Talking about bankruptcy with this... Mistakes happen. I'm only finally almost done fixing mistakes I made when I was younger. Is it fair to have a woman judge whether I'm datable or not based on something that happened years ago? Yeah, 5 years ago, I was TERRIBLE with money. As a result, my credit score is still only in the low 500s, I can't get a loan for anything. But I'm not that same person anymore. Now all my bills are payed on time. Those debts are almost done being payed off.

Who's more important when it comes to dating... The guy I was 5 years ago who really screwed up, or the guy I am now, who pays his bills on time, and is paying back his old loans and credit?

Labeling yourself as being bankrupt, or rebuilding yourself leads to this kind of thinking. As much as I love drinking, when you're so drunk you can't function, that's a huge turnoff to me... Should I decide that any girl who got that drunk 10 years ago in college isn't worth dating because of a mistake in her past?

Bankruptcy is on your credit for 10 years. That's a long time to hold any kind of judgment on someone's character.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 30
view profile
History
Misrepresentation and it's consequences
Posted: 8/30/2014 10:27:29 AM
[qoute]How do you RETIRE from being a millionaire? Why in the world would you want to?
That's easy; because you have to WORK to make money. It's not always fun, like you see on TV. At some point in life, especially if you've been working all day every day, you'll want to start to enjoy what you've earned! Kind of funny, but your statement reminded me so much of my ex wife. I've never been unemployed, there's always some kind of work out there to do; and I told my wife before we got married that I would always work. She took that to mean that I would never take any time off, ever. She expected me to be working to make money for her to spend every waking moment.
and

"Men DO need to show some sort of provider status regardless of income level - that's an instinctual part of female attraction"

Exactly. Women will always look for the best 'catch'. It's always been that way, and it always will (lots of women will lie and tell you otherwise, but look around and see instead of believing the lies). When you ask women what they're looking for in a man, 'ambition' is always right up there near the top. Women want guys who will make a lot of money. Better get used to it, because that's never going to change. And if you find out that she makes more than you, just put the fork down and get up and leave, because the chances of THAT relationship ever succeeding is virtually zero (unless you're still a student and see a huge increase in status and income when you get out of school).

Jace 71, you're simply dating the wrong people. However, until you learn to meet women and talk about things before you actually ask them out on dates, you're going to have to live with learning about things during that first date, and be prepared to pay for that first date. Good luck. You're going to need it.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 31
Dating during a bad economy?
Posted: 9/5/2014 1:08:17 PM
You represent yourself as somebody who isn't exactly struggling. Then again, who am I to judge?

Are you aiming for women with excessive disposable income? Do you think they are characteristically superior to somebody who is more frugal, has less money to spend on frequent salon visits and clothes?

Maybe the problem is actually you. If you weren't busy pretending to be of a status that which you are not and impressing the same kind of people with whom you once fraternized when you were at that status, you'd find somebody more down to Earth, more realistic, and one who knows how to hand a buck. But it seems you don't want this; you're bemoaning how certain PoF people don't appreciate you. (I wonder how many people with less means you turned away because you thought they'd be a financial burden on you.)
 caballerosiempre
Joined: 12/5/2015
Msg: 32
Dating during a bad economy?
Posted: 3/21/2016 7:46:57 AM
In Canada, there is no bad economy..it's growing " from the heart outwards" ..at least, so says Justin, smiler-in-chief.
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