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 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 26
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would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gfPage 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
OP, relax. I had a college friend who was in your boat with probably a lot more physical impediments (not disabilities, but unattractive features) and he didn't meet his future wife until he was 30. Yeah, he's married now and has two kids. She was a normal-looking woman by the way. He went from nothing to something. How? He stopped giving a s--t about rejection. He focused on the positives (well-employed, good character, family-oriented) that he brought to the table and kept asking until someone said, "Yes."

You don't owe it to anyone to disclose your lack of dating experience. If they ask, be honest, but not brutally so. Stay vague. Once they're into you, it won't matter anyway. It's about 'potential.' What does a recent college grad with a thin resume have to sell a future employer other than a degree? Potential.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 27
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would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 9/20/2014 4:46:42 PM
The issue is 'why '?

We are speaking of a 28 year old...not an 18 year old.

A well adjusted male had a social life in high school, college, when out in the work force, etc. He did not suddenly leave the house at 28 and start thinking of the opposite sex.

He never had a girlfriend because....? Studying for the priesthood? Gay? Unfortunately the only other reason that comes to mind is that he couldn't get a girlfriend. Women were not interested in him. Yes, he was weak inn some way and socially inept.

If no girlfriend at 16., 18, 23, 28....then what has changed to make him more desirable? Sure, if some woman finds him desirable as a partner then she will take him as is...but why would she find him desirable when others haven't? Never met the right woman.....98% of other males managed to have met the right woman by that age. Most at least 3 or 4. They have learned from relationships when a teen, early twenties , etc.

 snowsurf27
Joined: 1/19/2014
Msg: 28
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 9/20/2014 7:15:50 PM
There are numerous possibilities to why a person have not dated. When I think of myself not dating at this point in life it does not matter if ever date or not. I know few mention about virgin, yes I'm a virgin. I can easily get sex from a prostitute so that is not an issue.

But I'm a guy mixed with Indian. I mention Indian well because Indian guys are considered the most unattractive men around. Maybe its my physical features. Hey, this is why I don't have a picture posted on here.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 29
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 9/20/2014 8:53:04 PM

He never had a girlfriend because....? Studying for the priesthood? Gay? Unfortunately the only other reason that comes to mind is that he couldn't get a girlfriend. Women were not interested in him. Yes, he was weak inn some way and socially inept.


A lot of times, it's because dating takes 2 people. It doesn't matter if you're the textbook definition of confidence, or the most socially outgoing person in the world, if you can't find someone you're interested in who wants to date you, then you're not dating.

The captain of the chess club probably wasn't considered desirable in highschool, the guy maybe could have been a model, but to highschool kids, he's a geek, a nerd, a dork, and girls during that time have a reputation to keep, they can't date someone who's not one of the cool kids. Meanwhile, the 400lb crater-face gets girls easily because he's on the football team.

College, not much different. There's a little more maturity, but then it breaks down later. If that chess captain doesn't drink, doesn't like to party, in college, that just took away a HUGE chunk of girls.

Then you graduate, and for the last 8 years no girl wanted you... And as much as some of you make it seem as easy as just flipping a switch, you're going to have self-esteem issues when it comes to stuff like this. People don't just have low self-esteem because they feel like it. There's a (usually repeated) stimulus behind it.

A 28 year old that hasn't had a girlfriend, isn't that surprising, there's probably millions of guys out there who have been at that point.

They're not automatically socially awkward or weak. Maybe they just had interests that weren't cool, or they were born ugly (when so many of you say physical attraction matters first, what do you think happens to everyone who's not attractive??????). Not everyone is attractive, including quite a few people in these forums who claim that they're attractive.
 snowsurf27
Joined: 1/19/2014
Msg: 30
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 9/21/2014 1:25:39 AM

A lot of times, it's because dating takes 2 people. It doesn't matter if you're the textbook definition of confidence, or the most socially outgoing person in the world, if you can't find someone you're interested in who wants to date you, then you're not dating.

The captain of the chess club probably wasn't considered desirable in highschool, the guy maybe could have been a model, but to highschool kids, he's a geek, a nerd, a dork, and girls during that time have a reputation to keep, they can't date someone who's not one of the cool kids. Meanwhile, the 400lb crater-face gets girls easily because he's on the football team.

College, not much different. There's a little more maturity, but then it breaks down later. If that chess captain doesn't drink, doesn't like to party, in college, that just took away a HUGE chunk of girls.

Then you graduate, and for the last 8 years no girl wanted you... And as much as some of you make it seem as easy as just flipping a switch, you're going to have self-esteem issues when it comes to stuff like this. People don't just have low self-esteem because they feel like it. There's a (usually repeated) stimulus behind it.

A 28 year old that hasn't had a girlfriend, isn't that surprising, there's probably millions of guys out there who have been at that point.

They're not automatically socially awkward or weak. Maybe they just had interests that weren't cool, or they were born ugly (when so many of you say physical attraction matters first, what do you think happens to everyone who's not attractive??????). Not everyone is attractive, including quite a few people in these forums who claim that they're attractive.


What this guy said is so true. It's too many variables that can play a role to why a person has not dated. Too many people are quick to judge without reviewing information.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 31
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would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 9/21/2014 8:04:07 PM
^^^^

Doesn't justify? Male/female relationships are not an equal opportunities happening. We are not robots...number 302...next.

As a woman I was on Match and choose a potential partner how? Next profile? No, Like other I use my experience in life. It's not an issue of 'what if the guy had a social impairment he has overcome'. Like most women, I am not there to 'hope' he now reached some level of confidence or social maturity.

If there are 50 males contacting me, I do not skip over the most socially well adjusted to give some guy 'a chance'. This is my life. I don't date former drug users, alcoholics, felons, bipolar a etc. Yes, they may be 100% fine today but that is not my risk to take. There are enough more eligible males without these issues...a male who has had relationships, learned, matured. So, yes, it would be a big red flag to me if a 28 year old male had never had a girlfriend. There may be other women more than happy to get to know him. Best wishes to them. I personally look for specific traits in a male. Each to their own.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 32
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 9/21/2014 11:52:49 PM
Yes, the idea that a man is 28 and presumably still a virgin, is not an attractive prospect. No photos usually means he wants to hide the way he looks. Forget online dating if that is the case. It costs nothing to leave a profile on but no one will be bothered, the way it is.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 33
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would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 9/22/2014 2:41:34 PM

Activemelaney wrote:

If no girlfriend at 16., 18, 23, 28....then what has changed to make him more desirable? Sure, if some woman finds him desirable as a partner then she will take him as is...but why would she find him desirable when others haven't?


OP, this is the perfect reason to get a "wing-woman"..... The better looking, the better. Women always seem to WANT what other women have. This girl hit the nail on the head on this one. Just a thought here.
 Baffalobill
Joined: 6/18/2014
Msg: 34
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 9/23/2014 4:35:01 AM
Since I'm nearing 30 years old in couple of years I eould say for myself its over because women want experience daters and those been in a relationship. I sometime wonder if having a POF profile open is a waste of time.

Hey don't sweat it ....

Only Worry when you are nearing 40 like me .....
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 35
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 9/23/2014 6:26:32 AM

If no girlfriend at 16., 18, 23, 28....
then what has changed to make him more desirable? Sure, if some woman finds him desirable as a partner then she will take him as is...but why would she find him desirable when others haven't? Never met the right woman.....98% of other males managed to have met the right woman by that age. Most at least 3 or 4. They have learned from relationships when a teen, early twenties , etc.


Let's see here. They lost weight and became more physically attractive. A change in their personality. Perhaps they were extremely shy or picky or lacked self confidence when they were younger. Or they simply wanted to remain single when they were younger and focused on their career or school.
 gingham7
Joined: 7/26/2014
Msg: 36
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 9/23/2014 7:42:56 AM

Let's see here. They lost weight and became more physically attractive. A change in their personality. Perhaps they were extremely shy or picky or lacked self confidence when they were younger. Or they simply wanted to remain single when they were younger and focused on their career or school.


I'm surprised that you didn't mention money as a possible reason. LOL. But seriously though, I'm sure many of us went to high school with people that we had no interest in dating. Then we saw them 10 years later at a high school reunion and there was a clear improvement in their looks and/or personality.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 37
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 9/23/2014 2:11:01 PM
Why on earth would a good looking woman want to be wing woman to this guy? It is obvious that he is not all that
or he would have his pics on his profile, for a start. Of course wonders can be performed with the right clothes, hairdo and working out.
 snowsurf27
Joined: 1/19/2014
Msg: 38
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 9/23/2014 5:50:24 PM
petula1908:
Yes, the idea that a man is 28 and presumably still a virgin, is not an attractive prospect. No photos usually means he wants to hide the way he looks. Forget online dating if that is the case. It costs nothing to leave a profile on but no one will be bothered, the way it is.


I'm not surprised. I have been told American women are very shallow, most shallow women on the face of Earth. I met a girl on Fdating (yes I have a picture uploaded there) and she is Belorussian, and we seem to connect well. She is not judging me if I can handle a relationship or not. Probably in a few months I will go visit her. I just ask this question and see what response I get and sure enough very judgmental. So yeah I don't have the experience like some other guys have but I certainly do have potential. Maybe I rather share that potential with a great Eastern European, (Slavic person) and some men on POF told me I'm much better off with a foreigner.

I did not load up a picture here because I'm mixed with Indian and I have been told American women hate Indian men so its not use. That will answer you question. Besides I heard by many users and videos on You Tube that majority of the profiles are fake on POF.
 rod1919us
Joined: 11/3/2011
Msg: 39
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would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 9/23/2014 6:51:23 PM
There's a big difference in never dated and never had a girl friend.

I hook up and date women periodically (or at least I use to). My mindset isn't on women at the moment. However, I've never been in a serious relationship. It's not that I've never had the opportunity to be in a relationship, it's because I never really wanted to be in a committed relationship. To me being in a relationship is too much work that leads to nowhere (my personal opinion).

Now as far as having no dating experience...well. Just take it one female at a time and get experience. Dating is a lot like going on a job interview. Also, you shouldn't really reveal too much about yourself on the first date anyways. If you put too much effort into dating and women...chances are you have too much time on your hands. Time is an essence of money. Time trying to date women could be better spent on school, advancing a career, etc. Finally, women don't like guys that are too available.

 rod1919us
Joined: 11/3/2011
Msg: 40
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would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 9/23/2014 7:09:28 PM
I had a gf in high school, broke up with her before I finished school and have had dates since then but no gfs. wish I could find one tho


Why?

I'm sorry, but what's so special about a "relationship" or "having a gf?" I tried experimenting with having a gf and it's like the most aggravating thing on earth. Personally, I'd rather just hook up with a female, kick it, hang out, and have a good time. At the end of the day she goes home to the Eastside and I go home to the westside. She's free to do whatever, talk to whoever, etc. To me, it's better to have casual friendship with numerous women than to be stuck in a committed relationship with one female. It just seems as if they change upon becoming a gf. They become possessive, clingy, controlling, needy, jealous, etc. I can't do all that. I enjoy the freedom to be able to do whatever I want. If a gf is what you're looking for...may the odds be ever in your favor.
 snowsurf27
Joined: 1/19/2014
Msg: 41
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 9/23/2014 9:17:14 PM
petula1908 you said no photo. Saying I'm not all that. Well you must not be all that because I don't see any photo of you on here. Funny how people judge others on something when they are doing the same thing. lol. That is just funny.
 sudo456
Joined: 9/22/2013
Msg: 42
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 9/27/2014 7:39:47 PM
Personally I wouldn't take down your profile and would maybe adjust a few things in your life. I would just put myself out there more plus take more chances and see what happens from there. I've known some pretty awkward guys who got lucky and are married now ect ect. Everything really depends on the other person as well and what they are looking for. You can't say all women will not date you because you lack experience. There are other factors to a man besides his relationship experience and when/if you meet the right one it won't matter.
 burge105
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 43
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 9/27/2014 7:41:44 PM
I have never had a girlfreind but mostly it is because a girl starts getting interested and so many people come out of the woodwork to make it impossible Especially woman they get so jealous and their first reposne is what in the hell does he see in her. Mind your own business is what I think If I had an interest in you I would have asked you to go for coffee
 MrB1083
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 44
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/7/2014 7:30:00 PM

Doesn't justify? Male/female relationships are not an equal opportunities happening. We are not robots...number 302...next.

As a woman I was on Match and choose a potential partner how? Next profile? No, Like other I use my experience in life. It's not an issue of 'what if the guy had a social impairment he has overcome'. Like most women, I am not there to 'hope' he now reached some level of confidence or social maturity.

If there are 50 males contacting me, I do not skip over the most socially well adjusted to give some guy 'a chance'. This is my life. I don't date former drug users, alcoholics, felons, bipolar a etc. Yes, they may be 100% fine today but that is not my risk to take. There are enough more eligible males without these issues...a male who has had relationships, learned, matured. So, yes, it would be a big red flag to me if a 28 year old male had never had a girlfriend. There may be other women more than happy to get to know him. Best wishes to them. I personally look for specific traits in a male. Each to their own.


And you know what? You represent everything that is wrong with society. It's people who think like you that make it difficult and frustrating for good hearted people

To be fair, part of it is upbringing, with the way American fathers raise their daughters with the "no one is good enough for my little princess" attitude,,,,,it corrupts a young girls mind and makes them highly superficial later in life. You're an adult now,,,,,time to break out of daddy's shell
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 45
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would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/7/2014 7:49:14 PM
Well I would not date him but I would give him a medal.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 46
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would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/7/2014 9:24:33 PM
^^^mrb

The irony in your last paragraph is dripping

This guy became 'an adult' at 18. By 28 my brothers had dated several gals. Been to Vietnam. Finished university...married...children. Guess what, us gals in the family also had matured a decade before..

A 28 year old is not a 16 year old boy embarking on life. 18 and never had a girlfriend...ok. 28. Sorry, there is a good chance he has poor social skills. Not my task as a woman to cater to his needs. I expect a 28 year old man to be confident, experienced and to be in control of his life. He has learned from previous relationships.
 MrB1083
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 47
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/8/2014 5:51:58 AM
So what you're saying is older men don't deserve love or companionship because of their social condition? Has it ever occured to you that its stuck up people like you who create those conditions? Its your selfish way of thinking that just drove some lonely guy to hang himself. But I suppose you don't care because you're clearly a piece of garbage who only cares about your own needs and nothing else. I hope one day a guy breaks your heart and destroys you emotionally,,,,maybe then you'll learn the lesson you deserve
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 48
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/10/2014 9:32:51 PM

So what you're saying is older men don't deserve love or companionship because of their social condition? Has it ever occured to you that its stuck up people like you who create those conditions? Its your selfish way of thinking that just drove some lonely guy to hang himself. But I suppose you don't care because you're clearly a piece of garbage who only cares about your own needs and nothing else. I hope one day a guy breaks your heart and destroys you emotionally,,,,maybe then you'll learn the lesson you deserve


You DO NOT want to go down that road on these forums. The consensus between tons of women here and some guys is that rejection is never supposed to have any negative effect on your personality, ever, no matter how much rejection you take in your life. And if you ask out 100 girls, and all 100 say no, you have to still be confident in your ability to get a date.

Just remember the general rule of rejection: If the guy can't get dates, it's his fault. If the girl can't get dates, it's the guy's fault. If you do that, you'll get along great here.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 49
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/11/2014 5:50:22 AM
OT: It depends. If we had a bunch in common and I liked him, a lack of experience wouldn't bother me, but the foregoing is not easily achieved. Are you asking if women would date any man who is in dire dating straits, simply out of pity? No, they wouldn't pity date him. That makes women Medusas, according to some, but guys don't enjoy a pity date either. Just because a few might do it for selfish reasons, does not make them better people.


So what you're saying is older men don't deserve love or companionship because of their social condition? Has it ever occured to you that its stuck up people like you who create those conditions?


You're 30, hardly an old guy, though maybe you are referencing someone else. Yet I hear people say "it's all over" after 30 or such an age. It's never "too late" as long as you're breathing, to learn, to grow, improve. I think this pov of "it's too late" is the problem that comes from depressed people, not "other people" and their villainy, and lack of humanity/not granting a social stamp of approval. Most people aren't focussed on oppressing you, they are living their problematic lives. Just because they don't want to date you doesn't make them evil, nor do you want to date people you don't find "your cup of tea".
If you are waiting for social acceptance before you can hold your head up high and take necessary risks--that is your issue, and you should own your "slave to public opinion" problem.
A person of faith and resolve does what he or she deems in accord with her values, popularity be damned. If those values are sound, they will attract the appropriate people or person, not mass appeal and grand popularity. Few achieve that. Stop needing validation. It's turning you into embittered "cast offs" in your own mind. Then you have a visible chip on your shoulder, further turning people off with your defensive or worse attitude towards a gender.


Its your selfish way of thinking that just drove some lonely guy to hang himself. But I suppose you don't care because you're clearly a piece of garbage who only cares about your own needs and nothing else.


Because she doesn't want to date you, she's selfish and caused suicides? What about girls you won't date? You're evil and caused her death?

I hope one day a guy breaks your heart and destroys you emotionally,,,,maybe then you'll learn the lesson you deserve

Contrary to what you think, rejection is the great equalizer, unless you are directing this towards the hotties you perceive as untouchable. This seems like sour grapes.


You DO NOT want to go down that road on these forums. The consensus between tons of women here and some guys is that rejection is never supposed to have any negative effect on your personality, ever, no matter how much rejection you take in your life. And if you ask out 100 girls, and all 100 say no, you have to still be confident in your ability to get a date. Just remember the general rule of rejection: If the guy can't get dates, it's his fault. If the girl can't get dates, it's the guy's fault. If you do that, you'll get along great here.


Everybody gets rejected. Some people don't date because they know the odds of finding their type is small, so they simply pursue their interests and look for like minded people. Being on dating sites can be a distorted perspective. When you constantly seek, you can get frustrated. I think it's easier to find irl a connection that is real pursuing goals and passions. You WILL have to learn to banter in real life. Some people understand they aren't owed a ltr, or a date, and imo, those are the ones who have ANY chance of getting one, as the gulf between entitled attitude vs a gracious, gratitude mentality is huge. Not being bitter, biased, fearful of and suspicious towards a gender is another set of invisible prerequisites some people don't know about.
 Baffalobill
Joined: 6/18/2014
Msg: 50
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/11/2014 6:59:28 PM
I don't think you should give up, But rather realise that many of us like yourself and more then most people think are "Late bloomers " ..Not everyone finds there True love or a date at the tender ages of 16 -18 or even mid 20s-30s ......That is what people forget ..

As hard and difficult as it is out there..I myself am yet to expand on my own limited dating experiences and find my true love ...
Maybe it is over ?? Maybe not ?? Who really knows ??

But I would really hate to see the Future ,Especially if you knew tomorrow you would be hit by a bus !!!!

Just stay positive ,Live in hope ,Tomorrow is a new day....
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