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 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 51
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would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gfPage 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Personally I think writing people off because of they lack relationship experience is just plain daft. Regardless of whether they are in their 20s, 30s 40s or whatever you either love each other or you don't and can develop at any time in life."Sorry I can't date you, there's no ex-partner around that I can make jealous" lol.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 52
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/13/2014 7:57:44 AM

Because she doesn't want to date you, she's selfish and caused suicides? What about girls you won't date? You're evil and caused her death?


I don't think he said it so much because of she won't date an older guy that has never had a relationship, but the assumption made on who the guy is because of that fact. Saying that if he didn't have a relationship by that point that there's a good chance of poor social skills and stuff like that... There's a huge hypocrisy in these forums based on this topic... You women keep talking about how looks matter, living situation matters, car matters... Maybe he was living at home, maybe he's the uglyiest person alive. Until the day comes that a guy can just walk up to a girl and say "we're dating", you have to accept that the girl has a choice too. I said it earlier, if you won't date someone who's not physically attractive, where does that leave the not physically attractive (remember, just because you won't date them, it doesn't mean that they don't exist)?

Get off your pedestals and stop making these assumptions on people's personalities based on such a stupid subject.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 53
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would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/13/2014 8:48:29 AM
Let's get this right. If I didn't accept a date, it might lead to a guy's suicide

WOW. I sure have a lot of power over him considering we didn't even know each other. Also, thank goodness that I never accepted a date as he was obviously emotionally unstable. It's a positive that no woman had been involved with him. She would have been at physical risk from such a socially maladjusted male. Perhaps he would have taken his anger out on her rather than through self destructive behaviour.

Hmmm...in my 20's I was asked out about once a day...that's 3650 rejections. Then it reduced to what is now to a couple times a month. This Friday at a dance a guy gave me a piece of paper with his number in it. I politely declined. He is now dead?

I must be an Evil goddess. Mass murderess. Thousands of males dead.. Throw my two sisters into the mix and the three of us are responsible for more deaths than heart disease.

I'm a nurse. Pledged to helping people. Instead I'm the angel of death.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 54
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/13/2014 10:43:52 AM

Who on earth wants to date the ugliest person alive? Dating is not a charity. No one should have to apologize for having standards--no matter what those standards are.


OK, I never said otherwise. I'd just like to know, does you not wanting to date him because he's ugly mean that he has poor social skills because he's not attractive enough for you?

If you don't want to date ugly people, fine, but stop making assumptions on their personality based on that fact. In a social setting, the guy can be great, but maybe girls just aren't attracted to him.

Not everyone gets to be the hot one. The ugly ones left over, they're just not attractive enough for most people, nothing more. They're not automatically socially inept.

It wasn't a hard point to grasp from my post.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 55
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would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/13/2014 2:04:46 PM
Strange how some people think if you haven't got a partner from your teens onwards women aren't going to find you attractive later in life. The idea that you "should" have found the right woman by then is plain daft.

The OP shouldn't worry about the fact that he hasn't so far, I haven't either and I'm in my 30s and I know a few others that are in the same boat.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 56
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/13/2014 7:19:35 PM
If the situation was reversed and it was a woman who never had a boyfriend, I doubt many guys would question that or write her off for not having any experience in the relationship department. But if it's a guy, the attitude is he must have something wrong with him. Double double standard standard.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 57
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/13/2014 10:57:51 PM

Double double standard standard.


This site is full of them. My personal favorite is the girl who lives at home demanding that you don't live with your parents. Funny how so few people can actually live up to their own standards.
 the_summerwind
Joined: 9/11/2014
Msg: 58
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/14/2014 7:38:27 AM

A 28 year old is not a 16 year old boy embarking on life. 18 and never had a girlfriend...ok. 28. Sorry, there is a good chance he has poor social skills.


imo, for a lot of men or women for that matter, who are now older, & are like that, & or are brought up into that kind of environment, be it at home, school, work, coming first full time..... etc fine......but whether it be the said now, in the mentality, physically of thinking, having other social skills lacking now or other personal short comings, issues.....time to act now in this new experience....
imo there now needs some "fine tuning" to be had.... if one needs or wants to interact with others beyond your own personal shelter .....work on this full time....to be it socially, or other functions..... that are conductive in being positive, unselfish if they wish to proceed in a fruitful friendship, relationship etc....and once you stop using excuses....you chances will be better.....fix yourself first in that area.... as we all need a little tune-up now & then down the path of life....good luck
 MrB1083
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 59
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/15/2014 5:48:26 PM

And it isn't a right. It is a privilege. A privilege that must be earned. Earned by conforming to the social standards of the dating demographic in one's area/culture


Wow. Just wow. I'll leave it at that
 MrB1083
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 60
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/15/2014 6:07:06 PM

Let's get this right. If I didn't accept a date, it might lead to a guy's suicide


Not just one rejection, but yes, many over time can be a devestating thing for many people. The problem with people like you is you usually forget (or simply don't care) that men have feelings too. Yeah, rejection is part of life, but a person can only take so much. And you'll only give a second thought to that perfect guy with a ton of dating experience. He can turn out to be a real lowlife who hurts and abuses you, but hey, he's dated so much in the past so he's still better than that shy quiet guy who's legitimately a good person, right?


This Friday at a dance a guy gave me a piece of paper with his number in it. I politely declined. He is now dead?


This ridiculous statement pretty much speaks for itself
 Scipio202
Joined: 1/21/2010
Msg: 61
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/15/2014 7:48:26 PM
Get a massage with a happy ending. That would build your confidence. And don't say you've never dated women at 28 years old. Women will freak out and act like you have Ebola. Lie your ass off about this part of your life.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 62
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/15/2014 8:06:27 PM
I personally think the girls who put this stigma on guys that haven't dated, with complete disregard for the fact that the girl has to agree to it too, are the same ones who look for every possible reason to get out of a relationship once they find one. If you have to lie about such a trivial detail of your life, that's a girl that's not mentally ready to be dating.

Don't lie. Remember, there's a reason that a lot of these girls are single.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 63
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/16/2014 9:08:16 AM

I'm sorry, but what's so special about a "relationship" or "having a gf?" I tried experimenting with having a gf and it's like the most aggravating thing on earth. Personally, I'd rather just hook up with a female, kick it, hang out, and have a good time. At the end of the day she goes home to the Eastside and I go home to the westside. She's free to do whatever, talk to whoever, etc. To me, it's better to have casual friendship with numerous women than to be stuck in a committed relationship with one female. It just seems as if they change upon becoming a gf. They become possessive, clingy, controlling, needy, jealous, etc. I can't do all that. I enjoy the freedom to be able to do whatever I want. If a gf is what you're looking for...may the odds be ever in your favor.

I'm with this guy. Does being involved make you a better person?

At the end of the day it's not about what's happening to you it's about how you deal with it. Ironically the less you care (genuinely that is), the more options you're presented with - and even if you're not, it's OK because since you don't care anyway, you're less likely to notice or stress about it. Dating isn't a huge deal in life, it's extra curricular, it's something that might happen by accident when you're actually doing something important.

So what you're saying is older men don't deserve love or companionship because of their social condition? Has it ever occured to you that its stuck up people like you who create those conditions? Its your selfish way of thinking that just drove some lonely guy to hang himself. But I suppose you don't care because you're clearly a piece of garbage who only cares about your own needs and nothing else. I hope one day a guy breaks your heart and destroys you emotionally,,,,maybe then you'll learn the lesson you deserve

This is a really dramatic response. Sounds like you're taking this personally. Why?
 LLM211
Joined: 2/4/2014
Msg: 64
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would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/16/2014 2:38:45 PM
28 is not too old but not having dating experience works against you. The lack of experience can doom you into screwing up things that you should have learned by earlier dating. Also the lack of experience will hurt your overall confidence by not having prior success with women and women will pick up on that.
 MrB1083
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 65
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/16/2014 4:42:44 PM

This is a really dramatic response. Sounds like you're taking this personally. Why?


Because I am. Without getting too personal I have a social disorder that's crippled me dating wise my entire life. 99.9% of the population can never understand what I deal with. Everyone who I do happen to get close to (in a non dating capacity obviously) all say I'm a good person with a lot of interests and a good sense of humor. On top of that, I spent my entire 20's working hard and saving my money for my (and a potential spouse) future when everyone else my age does the exact opposite. I've never been arrested, never been in any kind of major trouble, haven't been in a fight since I was 16, and have never touched a hard drug in my life. Yet according to people like activemelany, regardless of everything right that I've done I'm not dating material just because I've had a lack of confidence and struggled with dating up to this point.

Now, sit back for a minute and think about how stupid that is,,,,,that someone who does everything right, is legitimately a good person, and plans for the long term can be written off so easily. But according to activemelany, some punk who shows off his beer muscles at the bar every weekend, doesn't have a dollar to his name, and has probably slept around for years is apparently a better catch than me because he's had a few girlfriends. So yes, I do take her comments personally,,,,because it's people with that kind of attitude who have held me, and others like me, back and continue to hold us back. If the majority of women think the way she does, society is not going to last another 50 years
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 66
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/16/2014 6:06:22 PM
I get what you're saying except for the fact that the things you listed as right are expected of you in society - meaning, you don't get credit for doing what you should do as a member of society - that doesn't earn you dates. You're not supposed to do drugs, end up in jail, etc. Those are basic requirements to being a productive citizen.

Also, society will do fine for a very long time because there will always be people out there somewhere breeding - it will take more than 50 years before things die out even if we wanted them to. The world is way overpopulated.

People like what they like and do what they do. You can't do much about that but see it coming and sidestep it. And place a lot less importance on the need to be part of a couple.

Don't you see that the woman who picks things in that way and the men she picks are a wash? No one else has to be subject to either of them on the market. How's that a bad thing? Do you really want women to date you despite not having interest? I'm gonna guess you don't.

Dating is gravy. Be with friends, family - pursue a career, rack up some hobbies. If dating happens while doing that other stuff, great. If not...it's not that big a deal.
 phinatic14
Joined: 5/10/2013
Msg: 67
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/17/2014 8:28:33 PM
Brother, I'm 32 and have only been on a handful of dates, never held hands, etc. You can figure the rest out. You know what, I've stopped caring. It might bug me sometimes or I may feel bad about most likely dying alone, but then I think about all I have accomplished in my years and feel a lot better. Limitations were put on me because I had a few health problems going up. I still lost over half my hearing, still have epilepsey, and just happened to live through six brain surgeries. Three of which came before I was two years old. Not many people can say they have done that. Yet, that means absolutely nothing to women. I'm in great shape, am told I'm better looking than the majority of the dating pool, and just earned my MSSA from a very prestigious school. Hasn't done me much.

For those and many other reasons, I'm done being "me" around women. I'm the dreaded nice guy who is weak and can't defend a women. I wonder what my second-degree black belt is good for? I've become a very selfish person when it comes to things like that. If she happens to smile at me she doesn't get one back, etc. You get the idea.

All I can tell you is focus on yourself. Hit the gym, get an education, etc. Become so successful that the women who turned you down now want a pif you. You will find it very enjoying them awaw. Let them spend an eternity searching for Mr. Perfect. You're better off.
 phinatic14
Joined: 5/10/2013
Msg: 68
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/17/2014 9:55:04 PM
Make that the women who turned you down will want sa piece of you when you become a succes.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 69
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would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/19/2014 10:32:24 AM
^^^mrB

Never did I say that a 28 year old man with no experience would not make a good partner. What I said was that it would be a big red flag to me. I would not see it as a positive when choosing among men to date. I would wonder if he has some other issue (as you state that you have).

As for not doing drugs, etc. You do not get 'extra' points. These are givens that I expect in a potential partner. I would not have dated anyone who was irresponsible in life. I expect a 28 year old to not do drugs, be educated, be financially responsible AND to have relationship experience. It is actually a turn off when a man itemizes a list of regular behaviours as a reason why a rational woman should want him as a partner...sorry, he doesn't 'deserve' a medal or a date with me because he has a degree or his own home.

Scratch the surface and there is probably a reason why a 28 year old never had a girlfriend. Psychological? Physical? Behavioural? Perhaps these reasons are in the past...perhaps they still linger.

On OLD we are meeting a stranger. Not a known person. We women do not need to 'take a chance' that some red flag is now OK. Perhaps the recovering Alcoholic is now fine. Perhaps the guy who was in jail is now completely safe. Perhaps the 28 year old with no relationship experience has now developed great social skills. Good for them. Some lucky gal may now find a good partner.
 Aftrbrnr
Joined: 3/14/2011
Msg: 70
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would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 4/27/2015 1:54:53 AM
I'm a little late to the game by a few months, I want to reply to this especially with regards to the last sentence. The whole thing about "not dating being not a big deal", while in theory this should be the case in practice a lot of people end up being romantically lonely. Thus, if it ends up not happening, a lot of these people end up being depressed and stressed about their situations. There is a term for such people, "involuntary celibacy", though these days the term has been hijacked by the misogynistic Men's Rights types, that is a whole different discussion though.

I am going to make an assumption that the poster I am quoting regularly dates, from my experience the only people I really hear telling people dating or sex is not a big deal to those who don't experience it are usually people who aren't in that type of situation. I feel this is because since dating and sex is basically something that happens to them they take it for granted, and they can't really wrap their head around what it feels like to not have a romance life. The thing is from people who have difficulty finding love, it is not easy at all to just dismiss that part of life as trivial, this is why I think saying things such as to basically forget about it really comes off as insensitive even if it is not the intent.

Though I don't condone suicide and would hope people wouldn't go that far, I sympathize with the ones that are contemplating it especially if they are 30+ and are still dateless because it really feels like you are missing out on a significant component of life. On that note, with regards to the discussion about the hypothetical man contemplating suicide because a woman turned him down, I don't think it is about him doing it because that particular girl rejected him. Rather, I think what was meant was that man had a history of being dateless and such girl was unfortunately the one that made him snap under the stress of loneliness (as in it's nothing personal against her).
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 71
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 4/27/2015 6:54:50 AM

Scratch the surface and there is probably a reason why a 28 year old never had a girlfriend. Psychological? Physical? Behavioural? Perhaps these reasons are in the past...perhaps they still linger.


Some women will assume there was something wrong with him. That's not necessarily the case. Perhaps he went out on some dates and there wasn't a mutual connection. ( The woman he liked weren't interested in him and vice versa. ) He took a break from dating and decided that he liked being single. Perhaps he wanted to concentrate on school, work, and other things happening in his life. Perhaps he had a few causal / FWB relationships that worked out well for him. I would rather never have a girlfriend than be in relationship(s). Where I was content at best to outright miserable.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 72
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would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 4/27/2015 4:04:42 PM
@RedRocks:

As I'm closing on 50 without so much as a date, I'm beginning to think by your definitions, I'm an impoverished epileptic hunchback with autism.
 gfe0787
Joined: 4/24/2015
Msg: 73
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 4/27/2015 4:11:54 PM
Yes, I would. I would not see this in a negative light nor a positive one. It's rather neutral for me.
Of course there are other factors that go into this:
1. How well we get along with each other? Personality factor.
2. If we both find each other attractive?
3. It'd be nice to know why he abstained from dating for so long? Maybe he was busy pursuing his goals with work and school . Or wasn't stable enough (no job, no car etc). I could understand those things and consider it responsible in a way.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 74
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would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 4/28/2015 4:36:14 PM
I suppose if I was a 28 year old girl who never had a date, I might date him...........
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 75
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 4/28/2015 5:37:09 PM
I would not date him because he is younger than myself.

Women age faster than men, I'm not interested in being/looking older than the person I am dating.
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