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 the_summerwind
Joined: 9/11/2014
Msg: 58
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gfPage 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

A 28 year old is not a 16 year old boy embarking on life. 18 and never had a girlfriend...ok. 28. Sorry, there is a good chance he has poor social skills.


imo, for a lot of men or women for that matter, who are now older, & are like that, & or are brought up into that kind of environment, be it at home, school, work, coming first full time..... etc fine......but whether it be the said now, in the mentality, physically of thinking, having other social skills lacking now or other personal short comings, issues.....time to act now in this new experience....
imo there now needs some "fine tuning" to be had.... if one needs or wants to interact with others beyond your own personal shelter .....work on this full time....to be it socially, or other functions..... that are conductive in being positive, unselfish if they wish to proceed in a fruitful friendship, relationship etc....and once you stop using excuses....you chances will be better.....fix yourself first in that area.... as we all need a little tune-up now & then down the path of life....good luck
 MrB1083
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 59
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/15/2014 5:48:26 PM

And it isn't a right. It is a privilege. A privilege that must be earned. Earned by conforming to the social standards of the dating demographic in one's area/culture


Wow. Just wow. I'll leave it at that
 MrB1083
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 60
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/15/2014 6:07:06 PM

Let's get this right. If I didn't accept a date, it might lead to a guy's suicide


Not just one rejection, but yes, many over time can be a devestating thing for many people. The problem with people like you is you usually forget (or simply don't care) that men have feelings too. Yeah, rejection is part of life, but a person can only take so much. And you'll only give a second thought to that perfect guy with a ton of dating experience. He can turn out to be a real lowlife who hurts and abuses you, but hey, he's dated so much in the past so he's still better than that shy quiet guy who's legitimately a good person, right?


This Friday at a dance a guy gave me a piece of paper with his number in it. I politely declined. He is now dead?


This ridiculous statement pretty much speaks for itself
 Scipio202
Joined: 1/21/2010
Msg: 61
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/15/2014 7:48:26 PM
Get a massage with a happy ending. That would build your confidence. And don't say you've never dated women at 28 years old. Women will freak out and act like you have Ebola. Lie your ass off about this part of your life.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 62
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/15/2014 8:06:27 PM
I personally think the girls who put this stigma on guys that haven't dated, with complete disregard for the fact that the girl has to agree to it too, are the same ones who look for every possible reason to get out of a relationship once they find one. If you have to lie about such a trivial detail of your life, that's a girl that's not mentally ready to be dating.

Don't lie. Remember, there's a reason that a lot of these girls are single.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 63
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/16/2014 9:08:16 AM

I'm sorry, but what's so special about a "relationship" or "having a gf?" I tried experimenting with having a gf and it's like the most aggravating thing on earth. Personally, I'd rather just hook up with a female, kick it, hang out, and have a good time. At the end of the day she goes home to the Eastside and I go home to the westside. She's free to do whatever, talk to whoever, etc. To me, it's better to have casual friendship with numerous women than to be stuck in a committed relationship with one female. It just seems as if they change upon becoming a gf. They become possessive, clingy, controlling, needy, jealous, etc. I can't do all that. I enjoy the freedom to be able to do whatever I want. If a gf is what you're looking for...may the odds be ever in your favor.

I'm with this guy. Does being involved make you a better person?

At the end of the day it's not about what's happening to you it's about how you deal with it. Ironically the less you care (genuinely that is), the more options you're presented with - and even if you're not, it's OK because since you don't care anyway, you're less likely to notice or stress about it. Dating isn't a huge deal in life, it's extra curricular, it's something that might happen by accident when you're actually doing something important.

So what you're saying is older men don't deserve love or companionship because of their social condition? Has it ever occured to you that its stuck up people like you who create those conditions? Its your selfish way of thinking that just drove some lonely guy to hang himself. But I suppose you don't care because you're clearly a piece of garbage who only cares about your own needs and nothing else. I hope one day a guy breaks your heart and destroys you emotionally,,,,maybe then you'll learn the lesson you deserve

This is a really dramatic response. Sounds like you're taking this personally. Why?
 LLM211
Joined: 2/4/2014
Msg: 64
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would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/16/2014 2:38:45 PM
28 is not too old but not having dating experience works against you. The lack of experience can doom you into screwing up things that you should have learned by earlier dating. Also the lack of experience will hurt your overall confidence by not having prior success with women and women will pick up on that.
 MrB1083
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 65
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/16/2014 4:42:44 PM

This is a really dramatic response. Sounds like you're taking this personally. Why?


Because I am. Without getting too personal I have a social disorder that's crippled me dating wise my entire life. 99.9% of the population can never understand what I deal with. Everyone who I do happen to get close to (in a non dating capacity obviously) all say I'm a good person with a lot of interests and a good sense of humor. On top of that, I spent my entire 20's working hard and saving my money for my (and a potential spouse) future when everyone else my age does the exact opposite. I've never been arrested, never been in any kind of major trouble, haven't been in a fight since I was 16, and have never touched a hard drug in my life. Yet according to people like activemelany, regardless of everything right that I've done I'm not dating material just because I've had a lack of confidence and struggled with dating up to this point.

Now, sit back for a minute and think about how stupid that is,,,,,that someone who does everything right, is legitimately a good person, and plans for the long term can be written off so easily. But according to activemelany, some punk who shows off his beer muscles at the bar every weekend, doesn't have a dollar to his name, and has probably slept around for years is apparently a better catch than me because he's had a few girlfriends. So yes, I do take her comments personally,,,,because it's people with that kind of attitude who have held me, and others like me, back and continue to hold us back. If the majority of women think the way she does, society is not going to last another 50 years
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 66
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/16/2014 6:06:22 PM
I get what you're saying except for the fact that the things you listed as right are expected of you in society - meaning, you don't get credit for doing what you should do as a member of society - that doesn't earn you dates. You're not supposed to do drugs, end up in jail, etc. Those are basic requirements to being a productive citizen.

Also, society will do fine for a very long time because there will always be people out there somewhere breeding - it will take more than 50 years before things die out even if we wanted them to. The world is way overpopulated.

People like what they like and do what they do. You can't do much about that but see it coming and sidestep it. And place a lot less importance on the need to be part of a couple.

Don't you see that the woman who picks things in that way and the men she picks are a wash? No one else has to be subject to either of them on the market. How's that a bad thing? Do you really want women to date you despite not having interest? I'm gonna guess you don't.

Dating is gravy. Be with friends, family - pursue a career, rack up some hobbies. If dating happens while doing that other stuff, great. If not...it's not that big a deal.
 phinatic14
Joined: 5/10/2013
Msg: 67
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/17/2014 8:28:33 PM
Brother, I'm 32 and have only been on a handful of dates, never held hands, etc. You can figure the rest out. You know what, I've stopped caring. It might bug me sometimes or I may feel bad about most likely dying alone, but then I think about all I have accomplished in my years and feel a lot better. Limitations were put on me because I had a few health problems going up. I still lost over half my hearing, still have epilepsey, and just happened to live through six brain surgeries. Three of which came before I was two years old. Not many people can say they have done that. Yet, that means absolutely nothing to women. I'm in great shape, am told I'm better looking than the majority of the dating pool, and just earned my MSSA from a very prestigious school. Hasn't done me much.

For those and many other reasons, I'm done being "me" around women. I'm the dreaded nice guy who is weak and can't defend a women. I wonder what my second-degree black belt is good for? I've become a very selfish person when it comes to things like that. If she happens to smile at me she doesn't get one back, etc. You get the idea.

All I can tell you is focus on yourself. Hit the gym, get an education, etc. Become so successful that the women who turned you down now want a pif you. You will find it very enjoying them awaw. Let them spend an eternity searching for Mr. Perfect. You're better off.
 phinatic14
Joined: 5/10/2013
Msg: 68
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/17/2014 9:55:04 PM
Make that the women who turned you down will want sa piece of you when you become a succes.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 69
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would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 10/19/2014 10:32:24 AM
^^^mrB

Never did I say that a 28 year old man with no experience would not make a good partner. What I said was that it would be a big red flag to me. I would not see it as a positive when choosing among men to date. I would wonder if he has some other issue (as you state that you have).

As for not doing drugs, etc. You do not get 'extra' points. These are givens that I expect in a potential partner. I would not have dated anyone who was irresponsible in life. I expect a 28 year old to not do drugs, be educated, be financially responsible AND to have relationship experience. It is actually a turn off when a man itemizes a list of regular behaviours as a reason why a rational woman should want him as a partner...sorry, he doesn't 'deserve' a medal or a date with me because he has a degree or his own home.

Scratch the surface and there is probably a reason why a 28 year old never had a girlfriend. Psychological? Physical? Behavioural? Perhaps these reasons are in the past...perhaps they still linger.

On OLD we are meeting a stranger. Not a known person. We women do not need to 'take a chance' that some red flag is now OK. Perhaps the recovering Alcoholic is now fine. Perhaps the guy who was in jail is now completely safe. Perhaps the 28 year old with no relationship experience has now developed great social skills. Good for them. Some lucky gal may now find a good partner.
 Aftrbrnr
Joined: 3/14/2011
Msg: 70
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would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 4/27/2015 1:54:53 AM
I'm a little late to the game by a few months, I want to reply to this especially with regards to the last sentence. The whole thing about "not dating being not a big deal", while in theory this should be the case in practice a lot of people end up being romantically lonely. Thus, if it ends up not happening, a lot of these people end up being depressed and stressed about their situations. There is a term for such people, "involuntary celibacy", though these days the term has been hijacked by the misogynistic Men's Rights types, that is a whole different discussion though.

I am going to make an assumption that the poster I am quoting regularly dates, from my experience the only people I really hear telling people dating or sex is not a big deal to those who don't experience it are usually people who aren't in that type of situation. I feel this is because since dating and sex is basically something that happens to them they take it for granted, and they can't really wrap their head around what it feels like to not have a romance life. The thing is from people who have difficulty finding love, it is not easy at all to just dismiss that part of life as trivial, this is why I think saying things such as to basically forget about it really comes off as insensitive even if it is not the intent.

Though I don't condone suicide and would hope people wouldn't go that far, I sympathize with the ones that are contemplating it especially if they are 30+ and are still dateless because it really feels like you are missing out on a significant component of life. On that note, with regards to the discussion about the hypothetical man contemplating suicide because a woman turned him down, I don't think it is about him doing it because that particular girl rejected him. Rather, I think what was meant was that man had a history of being dateless and such girl was unfortunately the one that made him snap under the stress of loneliness (as in it's nothing personal against her).
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 71
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 4/27/2015 6:54:50 AM

Scratch the surface and there is probably a reason why a 28 year old never had a girlfriend. Psychological? Physical? Behavioural? Perhaps these reasons are in the past...perhaps they still linger.


Some women will assume there was something wrong with him. That's not necessarily the case. Perhaps he went out on some dates and there wasn't a mutual connection. ( The woman he liked weren't interested in him and vice versa. ) He took a break from dating and decided that he liked being single. Perhaps he wanted to concentrate on school, work, and other things happening in his life. Perhaps he had a few causal / FWB relationships that worked out well for him. I would rather never have a girlfriend than be in relationship(s). Where I was content at best to outright miserable.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 72
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would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 4/27/2015 4:04:42 PM
@RedRocks:

As I'm closing on 50 without so much as a date, I'm beginning to think by your definitions, I'm an impoverished epileptic hunchback with autism.
 gfe0787
Joined: 4/24/2015
Msg: 73
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 4/27/2015 4:11:54 PM
Yes, I would. I would not see this in a negative light nor a positive one. It's rather neutral for me.
Of course there are other factors that go into this:
1. How well we get along with each other? Personality factor.
2. If we both find each other attractive?
3. It'd be nice to know why he abstained from dating for so long? Maybe he was busy pursuing his goals with work and school . Or wasn't stable enough (no job, no car etc). I could understand those things and consider it responsible in a way.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 74
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would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 4/28/2015 4:36:14 PM
I suppose if I was a 28 year old girl who never had a date, I might date him...........
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 75
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 4/28/2015 5:37:09 PM
I would not date him because he is younger than myself.

Women age faster than men, I'm not interested in being/looking older than the person I am dating.
 Qura
Joined: 8/5/2014
Msg: 76
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would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 5/2/2015 7:15:28 AM
Like too many young people, you are focused on the idea of a relationship without having any respect for, or interest in, the individual who would be a good match for you.

Think of it this way: When you meet someone you really like--strong character, good mind, attractive to you in looks and personality--then you would be interested. You are, instead, looking at girls b/c you want sex and companionship--and you do not particularly care who "she" is b/c having someone fill that role is what is important to you.

Men who are successful with women are either players who have a natural ability to create the sense, in a woman, that *she* is really special (and can do this effortlessly), or they are men who actually enjoy women as people--they focus on individuals as individuals for the fun and stimulation that comes from human interaction (with no ulterior purpose in mind) rather than zeroing in on someone bc "she might be the one." These men are attractive to women in general, and will be drawn toward specific ones b/c of compatibility.

So, learn to like people, and learn to enjoy and talk to women as people. Make it your goal to talk to people of all ages, both sexes, any race, etc. Being a friendly person--without a secret agenda (as too many "nice guys" have)--isn't easy, but it will help a lot, and the chances are that you will be much happier whether or not you find someone special.

And age has nothing to do with it. There are a lot of people-men and women-who are single for a very long time. Accepting that and not feeling bad about it will be your first job. You cannot be friendly and confident if you are quietly harboring a sense of doom or inadequacy. You are not inadequate--you are like many, many others. And realize that the fact you haven't made any stupid, desperate mistakes (connecting with someone you don't even really like, putting up with their sh*t, just for the sake of a relationship) is actually to your advantage.

Good luck.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 77
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 5/2/2015 1:45:33 PM

That's a bit ageist and vague Belle. IIRC you're only 30. What if he was 29? 29 and eleven months?


I'm sorry but he HAS to be older than myself. I even listed as young as 33 on my profile, even though I wouldn't consider that either. I've always been attracted to older men, men way older than myself. To me, they look like real men, not boys. There are very few men younger than 35 who interest me. Something about men in their 40's intrigue me. My last LTR of 8.5 was with someone my senior by 16 years.

It isn't about the quality of the person, as any age can have that, but I do not find younger or similar in age, to be attractive. I like experience, I like stories, I like to learn about things that I never got to experience (as I was not born yet), I like men who have gone through marriage or long term relationships/committed relationships, who know that it takes a lot of patience and understanding to make a relationship work, someone who sees the bigger picture, who has lived through my age and as such he relate to me on another level, someone who offer emotional and financial stability, and likely is past their mid-life crisis. I've only found these characteristics to describe older men.

Men my age are on a wavelength I do not agree with. Many do not know how to treat women with respect, appreciation, or value, their definition of equality is that you are another "dude", and they don't have to nor want to do anything for a woman, they are usually struggling in life and want to invite you into that struggle. In short, no thanks, I was not raised like that, all my father figures were real men who handled their sh*t, treated women like gold, and wouldn't be caught dead out there without a job.

Judging by today's standards, I'm better off single and I have no regrets thus far. The only thing OLD has done for me is provide me with lots of food, drinks, entertainment, new venues, etc, in exchange for listening to their problems with the world...............so I'm working but getting paid through other means. Cool, a change of pace to my line of work :-P

It's all the same sh*t no matter how you present it, lmao
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 78
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 5/3/2015 9:14:05 PM

I found a little sad. Pretty soon, Panda bears will be putting you young 'uns in cages and introducing you to each other desperately trying to get you to mate.... most of the under 30 guys I know are cool, respectful and forward thinking. Then again, they are mostly my nephews, so I guess it's in the genes ;-)


I'm not saddened as I do not idolize relationships, I'm just disappointed at the quality of such available today. It seems like mediocrity has become a goal, and I'm not about that. I won't be with somebody out of boredom, desire for sex, status as a relationship, lowering my expenses, or such, I'm not bored, lonely, or deprived of genuine love. If I'm going to be with someone, it is because they are a great match for me in all aspects. My expectations in relationships have suffered due to my ex boyfriend, and I'm having a hard time settling for what's now available. To go from someone who went above and beyond in every aspect, to the men who wish to date me who aren't of similar quality, is totally a minf*ck.

I've dated great men, but I don't find them attractive. One was too slim and had awful teeth along with no self esteem, the other was very close to my height and I couldn't see myself in it for long plus had a propensity for infections (abscess), the others are insulted if I pay for anything, etc. Those who were the quality I seek, came in unattractive packages.

I seem to be a commodity or marketable to a wide range of people: I'm educated, cultured, have no children, have a successful and noble career, live on my own, and I'm simple/low maintenance. I wear no makeup, need no heels, I'm not a party girl nor avid drinker, I have no one to impress (my friends and family are non-judgmental of my choices, and would embrace whomever I choose), and I do not engage in negativity (though I have 0 tolerance for BS). My life is great and very simple, and I'm not looking for someone who will cause a decrease in such. I want no drama: children, cohabiting, marriage, yet I attract people who want all of this or have very little to offer...I thought I said I did not want children, LMAO.

I do have a question though, what exactly to do mean by "forward thinking"? I suspect that may be what I don't like about people my age,the 50/50 score keeping mentality. I think it's healthy in that they don't feel a tremendous obligation or burden to carry the cross so to speak, but it eliminates will, the will to do for your partner what you would do regardless of equal return. Keeping tabs (mentally or otherwise) is high maintenance and produces anxiety, both things I'm not about.


...or did you mean standards of men generally...?

No, you read it right :-)

I'm not concerned about their standards, they need to meet mine first, lol.
 Aprilikeswhiteroses
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 79
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 5/3/2015 10:27:48 PM

would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf


One thing is an adult man 19+ who never had a GF and another is an adult man 19+ who has never had experience, sexually speaking.
Which one of these is you?

A man who never had a GF says nothing about him. I think there would be no problem with that.

But a man who doesn't have sexual experience says a lot about him. I wouldn't date that kind of man.
IMO that kind of man Lack of testosterone, has low sex drive, which is not good in a relationship.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 80
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 5/4/2015 2:08:12 PM

Just to be clear, I wasn't in any way trying to imply I pitied you or anything like that. I think you are quite mad ;-)


I was not implying you were. And by the way, "mad" means something else in NYC, it means "a lot".


I would hate for you to be eating nothing but BLT sandwiches (Bitter Lonely and Twisted) when I come back to this forum in ten years time. I saw in another thread that you have been on sixty dates? Bearing in mind you already have highs tandards and probably wouldn't meet a guy who didn't meet most of them in some way... then as an outsider, sixty seems too much without result. Sorry, but it does. What if your guardian angel appeared and told you that "Professor ex" who spoiled you so much was the best that you're ever going to get? Would you never date again? Because.... he just might have been the best ever. It happens. Older women here can back me up on that I'm sure... plus, I can introduce you to a line of men that wouldn't be insulted if you paid ;-)


Again, I do not idolize relationships, so I'm not one bit concerned if I end up single for the rest of my life. I do not have a guardian angel, I'm not religious. If I were told that that was it, I would effectively not date again, they'd be no point. I'm well aware that some things in life are a one-shot deal, and that's fine.


YES. ALL THAT IS FINE AND DANDY BUT DO YOU PUT OUT????!!!! :-) Seriously, taking you at your word I think it shouldn't be that hard to find a man that would cherish those qualities in you and engage your brain as well. Plus,
though even fairly intelligent men (assuming this is who you meet) may drop their asthetic or character "standards" for a booty call, they don't tend to have kids with just anyone. The fact that you attract men you want you to have the kids (if that's what you're saying) is actually a compliment to you - even if you don't see it as such.


When I meet someone who actually makes me wet, then I'll report back to you.

As for all else, it is not a compliment and I have very specific taste in men, not just anybody does it for me.


That's not what I meant. I simply meant forward-thinking in the mature manner of planning for the future. Not having kids till they're ready, making the right connections that will help them climb the career ladder, taking classes to better themselves, not being playas etc. How they are in relationships I couldn't tell you, but their steady girlfriends all seem happy.


oh, they aspire to greater things in life. That's always good.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 81
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 5/4/2015 6:01:41 PM

I am going to make an assumption that the poster I am quoting regularly dates, from my experience the only people I really hear telling people dating or sex is not a big deal to those who don't experience it are usually people who aren't in that type of situation. I feel this is because since dating and sex is basically something that happens to them they take it for granted, and they can't really wrap their head around what it feels like to not have a romance life. The thing is from people who have difficulty finding love, it is not easy at all to just dismiss that part of life as trivial, this is why I think saying things such as to basically forget about it really comes off as insensitive even if it is not the intent.


I think that's pretty accurate. It's simple to say that a relationship isn't anything special. You hear it all the time from married people. But nobody ever thinks that maybe the guy is lonely. Maybe he's depressed about going to bed and waking up alone every day. Going both ways, it's just thinking that the grass is always greener, but there's a lot to it.

And it doesn't only go with telling someone about relationships. Everyone has that friend that's envious of their single friends. And it's the same thing. When you see how anyone who enjoys single life living, it looks like this awesome life compared to what you have. My friends see me as having drums in my living room, buying a bike while they have to buy baby food... I'm not gonna lie, I love being single. But at the same time, I understand where it sucks.

Ultimately, we all want the best of both. But what's really going to happen is we're only going to have one, and think it's so much better for the other person, because we're not looking at what sucks for them and what's great for us in comparison.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 82
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 5/4/2015 6:42:15 PM

No-one gave me the memo that NYC is now like Greenwich meantime for the English language. But i was just funning you on the "mad" thing anyway. I keep forgetting my humour doesn't translate with you.

We're in different parts of the world, so likely many things don't translate well :-P


I think it would be a shame if it was a one-shot deal for you or anyone else who was 30 years old. But if you're cool with it, that's the end of that convo.


I rode the pony long enough, I'll be alright.


Uhhhmmm... can you please make sure I'm in a relationship first before you do? I think your reports might make me a bit...frisky. And to be frisky can make you p i s s y when you have no partner to kissy-kissy.


Lmao, it was funny, but don't worry, I'll ask before sharing.


I can kind of relate. Up till now, I haven't found a single man that does it for me ;-)

I recommend it but if it's not up your alley (pun intended), then it's all left to the imagination
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