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Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 78
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gfPage 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

I found a little sad. Pretty soon, Panda bears will be putting you young 'uns in cages and introducing you to each other desperately trying to get you to mate.... most of the under 30 guys I know are cool, respectful and forward thinking. Then again, they are mostly my nephews, so I guess it's in the genes ;-)

I'm not saddened as I do not idolize relationships, I'm just disappointed at the quality of such available today. It seems like mediocrity has become a goal, and I'm not about that. I won't be with somebody out of boredom, desire for sex, status as a relationship, lowering my expenses, or such, I'm not bored, lonely, or deprived of genuine love. If I'm going to be with someone, it is because they are a great match for me in all aspects. My expectations in relationships have suffered due to my ex boyfriend, and I'm having a hard time settling for what's now available. To go from someone who went above and beyond in every aspect, to the men who wish to date me who aren't of similar quality, is totally a minf*ck.

I've dated great men, but I don't find them attractive. One was too slim and had awful teeth along with no self esteem, the other was very close to my height and I couldn't see myself in it for long plus had a propensity for infections (abscess), the others are insulted if I pay for anything, etc. Those who were the quality I seek, came in unattractive packages.

I seem to be a commodity or marketable to a wide range of people: I'm educated, cultured, have no children, have a successful and noble career, live on my own, and I'm simple/low maintenance. I wear no makeup, need no heels, I'm not a party girl nor avid drinker, I have no one to impress (my friends and family are non-judgmental of my choices, and would embrace whomever I choose), and I do not engage in negativity (though I have 0 tolerance for BS). My life is great and very simple, and I'm not looking for someone who will cause a decrease in such. I want no drama: children, cohabiting, marriage, yet I attract people who want all of this or have very little to offer...I thought I said I did not want children, LMAO.

I do have a question though, what exactly to do mean by "forward thinking"? I suspect that may be what I don't like about people my age,the 50/50 score keeping mentality. I think it's healthy in that they don't feel a tremendous obligation or burden to carry the cross so to speak, but it eliminates will, the will to do for your partner what you would do regardless of equal return. Keeping tabs (mentally or otherwise) is high maintenance and produces anxiety, both things I'm not about.

...or did you mean standards of men generally...?

No, you read it right :-)

I'm not concerned about their standards, they need to meet mine first, lol.
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 79
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 5/3/2015 10:27:48 PM

would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf

One thing is an adult man 19+ who never had a GF and another is an adult man 19+ who has never had experience, sexually speaking.
Which one of these is you?

A man who never had a GF says nothing about him. I think there would be no problem with that.

But a man who doesn't have sexual experience says a lot about him. I wouldn't date that kind of man.
IMO that kind of man Lack of testosterone, has low sex drive, which is not good in a relationship.
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 80
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 5/4/2015 2:08:12 PM

Just to be clear, I wasn't in any way trying to imply I pitied you or anything like that. I think you are quite mad ;-)

I was not implying you were. And by the way, "mad" means something else in NYC, it means "a lot".

I would hate for you to be eating nothing but BLT sandwiches (Bitter Lonely and Twisted) when I come back to this forum in ten years time. I saw in another thread that you have been on sixty dates? Bearing in mind you already have highs tandards and probably wouldn't meet a guy who didn't meet most of them in some way... then as an outsider, sixty seems too much without result. Sorry, but it does. What if your guardian angel appeared and told you that "Professor ex" who spoiled you so much was the best that you're ever going to get? Would you never date again? Because.... he just might have been the best ever. It happens. Older women here can back me up on that I'm sure... plus, I can introduce you to a line of men that wouldn't be insulted if you paid ;-)

Again, I do not idolize relationships, so I'm not one bit concerned if I end up single for the rest of my life. I do not have a guardian angel, I'm not religious. If I were told that that was it, I would effectively not date again, they'd be no point. I'm well aware that some things in life are a one-shot deal, and that's fine.

YES. ALL THAT IS FINE AND DANDY BUT DO YOU PUT OUT????!!!! :-) Seriously, taking you at your word I think it shouldn't be that hard to find a man that would cherish those qualities in you and engage your brain as well. Plus,
though even fairly intelligent men (assuming this is who you meet) may drop their asthetic or character "standards" for a booty call, they don't tend to have kids with just anyone. The fact that you attract men you want you to have the kids (if that's what you're saying) is actually a compliment to you - even if you don't see it as such.

When I meet someone who actually makes me wet, then I'll report back to you.

As for all else, it is not a compliment and I have very specific taste in men, not just anybody does it for me.

That's not what I meant. I simply meant forward-thinking in the mature manner of planning for the future. Not having kids till they're ready, making the right connections that will help them climb the career ladder, taking classes to better themselves, not being playas etc. How they are in relationships I couldn't tell you, but their steady girlfriends all seem happy.

oh, they aspire to greater things in life. That's always good.
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 81
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 5/4/2015 6:01:41 PM

I am going to make an assumption that the poster I am quoting regularly dates, from my experience the only people I really hear telling people dating or sex is not a big deal to those who don't experience it are usually people who aren't in that type of situation. I feel this is because since dating and sex is basically something that happens to them they take it for granted, and they can't really wrap their head around what it feels like to not have a romance life. The thing is from people who have difficulty finding love, it is not easy at all to just dismiss that part of life as trivial, this is why I think saying things such as to basically forget about it really comes off as insensitive even if it is not the intent.

I think that's pretty accurate. It's simple to say that a relationship isn't anything special. You hear it all the time from married people. But nobody ever thinks that maybe the guy is lonely. Maybe he's depressed about going to bed and waking up alone every day. Going both ways, it's just thinking that the grass is always greener, but there's a lot to it.

And it doesn't only go with telling someone about relationships. Everyone has that friend that's envious of their single friends. And it's the same thing. When you see how anyone who enjoys single life living, it looks like this awesome life compared to what you have. My friends see me as having drums in my living room, buying a bike while they have to buy baby food... I'm not gonna lie, I love being single. But at the same time, I understand where it sucks.

Ultimately, we all want the best of both. But what's really going to happen is we're only going to have one, and think it's so much better for the other person, because we're not looking at what sucks for them and what's great for us in comparison.
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 82
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 5/4/2015 6:42:15 PM

No-one gave me the memo that NYC is now like Greenwich meantime for the English language. But i was just funning you on the "mad" thing anyway. I keep forgetting my humour doesn't translate with you.

We're in different parts of the world, so likely many things don't translate well :-P

I think it would be a shame if it was a one-shot deal for you or anyone else who was 30 years old. But if you're cool with it, that's the end of that convo.

I rode the pony long enough, I'll be alright.

Uhhhmmm... can you please make sure I'm in a relationship first before you do? I think your reports might make me a bit...frisky. And to be frisky can make you p i s s y when you have no partner to kissy-kissy.

Lmao, it was funny, but don't worry, I'll ask before sharing.

I can kind of relate. Up till now, I haven't found a single man that does it for me ;-)

I recommend it but if it's not up your alley (pun intended), then it's all left to the imagination
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