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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > what should i do if a girl says she like guys who are proactive      Home login  
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 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 24
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what should i do if a girl says she like guys who are proactive Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
OMG, OP! I originally read your name as Loli1! My jaw dropped to the floor. Damn you dyslexia! Rofl.

Anyways, back to the topic at hand. I wouldn't expect much from her IMHO. If she is too lazy to put effort into anything, then it will carry over to relationships too. Now being aggressive and being proactive are seperate things. Pro-active tends to mean getting to know her and make an effort to make your intentions known to her. It doesnt mean you will chase after her and alter your persona to fit into what she wants. If she is feeling your vibe from you being yourself, she will naturally reciprocate with body language and words. The point is that you have to meet in the middle somehow, and both has to put effort into it.
 HondoGal
Joined: 5/30/2014
Msg: 25
what should i do if a girl says she like guys who are proactive
Posted: 9/10/2014 9:32:27 PM

So i did see her sunday but couldnt get seat for the game so we sat outside and had lunch. It was pretty good overall but when we parted on the street it was slightly awkward i thought about hug or kiss but lota of passerby and she kinda moved forward expecting something but backed away too maybe i wasnt fast enough...

??? Sat outside? Do you mean at an outdoor café? You find pubic displays of affection awkward, even a hug?

Look, you are never going to be a “Bad Boy”, not in this lifetime.


Stay away from the person you are not. Especially the hidden bad boy…
Be a good guy, get married and have a family you will be happier~rftv1020

Pro-active tends to mean getting to know her and make an effort to make your intentions known to her. It doesnt mean you will chase after her and alter your persona to fit into what she wants. ~ basilisk123

+1 I think these two guys gave you good advice.
You cannot alter your basic personality.
 lioil1
Joined: 7/19/2014
Msg: 26
what should i do if a girl says she like guys who are proactive
Posted: 9/18/2014 9:16:50 AM
Ok so we setup another date and we are going to an amusement park (her idea). I want to at least hold hands maybe even go for kiss at the end. I do think i could get a gauge of the situation maybe ask someone take a pic of us and i put my hand around her waist to see her reaction? I want to see if this relationship is worth going forward when she moves to the west.
 Kittyxoxoxo
Joined: 3/5/2013
Msg: 27
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what should i do if a girl says she like guys who are proactive
Posted: 9/18/2014 9:52:07 AM
I never really understood the whole "bad boy" appeal that some girls like. Not all girls like bad boys, just some (i'm sure you already know that). I can see their appeal, but they are not my preferred choice and never have been. I've always liked the good boys/gentlemen (not the pretend nice guys).
She's not proactive at all, but yet she expects you to be? Sounds like a future headache.
Don't be anything you're not. You'll find someone who likes you for you.
 rftv1020
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 28
what should i do if a girl says she like guys who are proactive
Posted: 9/18/2014 12:52:59 PM
when is your date?
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 29
what should i do if a girl says she like guys who are proactive
Posted: 9/18/2014 3:29:11 PM
lioil1- You seem like you may be a little inexperienced with dating, and that's ok. You have to start somewhere.
I don't pretend to be an expert dater, far from it, but I DO know a thing or two about people in general.
BELIEVE me when I tell you that it is in NO ones best interest to pretend to be something you aren't.
People can't hide who they are forever, and when people try to, angst and heartbreak ensues.
Be who you REALLY are and find someone who accepts you, as is :)
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 30
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what should i do if a girl says she like guys who are proactive
Posted: 9/18/2014 4:30:01 PM
Proactive. Being proactive is a positive attribute. I also am attractive to proactive males....guys who are responsible, confident and take control of their lives.

As for 'bad boys'. Perhaps a few girls want the bad 'boy' and then they turn 18. Then 95% of us 'women' want a good respectful 'man'.

OP...any time a woman agrees to see you for a second time, take it as a confidence boost. This time give her a big hug when you see her and a peck on the cheek. Also, do 'something' romantic...take her a single flower, etc. Some little thing that puts your relationship on the boyfriend/girlfriend track rather than just friends.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 31
what should i do if a girl says she like guys who are proactive
Posted: 9/18/2014 5:45:04 PM
Activemelaney- I digress.
" I need someone proactive"
Translation:
I will expect you to make every important decision in the relationship, if things go wrong, I will blame YOU.
No thanks!
 lioil1
Joined: 7/19/2014
Msg: 32
what should i do if a girl says she like guys who are proactive
Posted: 9/18/2014 6:59:35 PM
The date is saturday. I am trying to do something that day... not being abnormal or anything but i just want to go to the next step. It is also probably a deciding point wether i will continue this if things goes well
 rftv1020
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 33
what should i do if a girl says she like guys who are proactive
Posted: 9/19/2014 2:17:46 AM
If she is going on a second date then obviously she likes you. Also it sounds like you have a fun day planed. No cheesy things like flowers. Flowers are for when you accidentally sleep with her little friend or sister. Of course hold her hand. When you are walking place your hand in the small of her back. With all the rides at the amusement park go for the spontaneous kiss, when you are both laughing and having fun. Break the ice. Then you will have the opportunity for a romantic kiss when the night ends. Regardless if you have dated one or hundreds of women you cannot base a future relationship on two dates. Just go on the date and have fun.
 Kittyxoxoxo
Joined: 3/5/2013
Msg: 34
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what should i do if a girl says she like guys who are proactive
Posted: 9/19/2014 11:01:50 AM
@rftv1020

The whole constant touching thing works if you're reading her body language right. Even then, it seems a bit much. If i like a guy, i don't mind him touching me a few times through out our date at the beginning stage, but no more. Holding my hand and putting a hand on the small of my back is too much. It's annoying and feels almost controlling. It's like 'why are you always touching me? do you a have a problem keeping your hands to yourself? what's your agenda?'
 NotElvisJunior
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 35
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what should i do if a girl says she like guys who are proactive
Posted: 9/21/2014 11:04:48 AM
How'd the second date go?

The word proactive, in the context she used it, makes me cringe a little, but, again, other posters are right, couldn't hurt to date a little and see if it's a minor thing, maybe awkwardly worded, or if it turns out it's a laziness thing, and you're expected to keep her entertained.

Also, better to learn now than to be told after being in a relationship for a while... and at which point it was basically just laziness, or expecting the other person to do everything. Or maybe wanting a response of "how high" when she says "jump"

Those are things to avoid - but not everybody uses the word the same way...
 lelenc1
Joined: 9/10/2014
Msg: 36
what should i do if a girl says she like guys who are proactive
Posted: 9/21/2014 12:15:42 PM
OP: the girl likes a proactive guy. Wrestle her to the ground and demand that she recite the first ten decimal digits of Pi.

If she says "no", you have to respect her boundaries. Stand off of her neck, help her up, dust her off. And say, "you meant the guy to be pro-active, or pro-biotic? I can't really figure out what a "proactive" guy does."

In fact, it was Scott Adams, the creator of Dilbert cartoon, who first said that the Emperor is wearing no clothes, with regards to being proactive. If you don't know what you are doing, but you do something, that's proactive. If you know what you must do, then you are reacting to the environment's demands, (It's dark, I'm drunk, so I won't ride my bicycle home) and you are not proactive. In fact, to be "proactive" is actually meaningless, and an empthy phrase that used to sound cool.

I like the word "empiriocriticism". I haven't found a good place to put it yet in a sentence, where it would sound cool.

Be proactive and ask her to define for you what proacive means to her, and also ask her to give you seven examples in her life when she was particularly proactive.
 lelenc1
Joined: 9/10/2014
Msg: 37
what should i do if a girl says she like guys who are proactive
Posted: 9/21/2014 12:25:52 PM
Ok so we setup another date and we are going to an amusement park (her idea). I want to at least hold hands maybe even go for kiss at the end. I do think i could get a gauge of the situation maybe ask someone take a pic of us and i put my hand around her waist to see her reaction? I want to see if this relationship is worth going forward when she moves to the west.


At the fair:

Scary rides are good. She gets scared, and buries her face in fright in your shoulder. Does not work if you are more scared than she is.

Romantic stuff, like handwriting analysis is good. They only give you good qualities, so no risk, and she likes to hear how great she is.

Shooting ranges, and "ring the bell" games are good, where you show out your manly might. Avoid showing your manly might at games where you have to hit toad-heads with a hammer, or fish plastic toy fish out of shallow water with plastic fishing sticks. These last two games take more than a great man to do. Only supermen can do catch a plastic fish, or kids under the age of three. I suspect they are rigged. The games, not the kids. Well, maybe the kids, too. Who knows.

When you win a plush toy with bouncing a 300-lbs wrestler 30 feet away, then let her choose the prize toy. Advice: don't allow her to take a large, really large piece of prize. You have to lug it around for the rest of the evening, and it will take up one entire bag of your four-bag garbage limit on garbage day. Ask her to pick something tiny, like a 20K diamond ring, from the available prizes. That way you save a bundle on the engagement ring, too.

I like your girl. She did not make a fuss that you could not get a ticket to the game. This chick is A. cool, B. reasonable, and C. easy to not displease, and that's already way more than worth any money in the world. marry her as soon as possible. If I met her before you, I would. She is amazing. Sitting outside the stadium, hearing the crowd's roar, and not minding it, preferring to be with you, and having a peaceful, interesting, maybe even exciting conversation.

She's everything and then more than any man could want for himself.
 lelenc1
Joined: 9/10/2014
Msg: 38
what should i do if a girl says she like guys who are proactive
Posted: 9/21/2014 12:38:06 PM
The word proactive, in the context she used it, makes me cringe a little,


I did not notice that there was a context when the word "pro-active" was used. It was a bit like "The dog is pro-active." "The temperature is behaving pro-actively". "You must be proactive." Sure, some context is defined, but it's increcibly loose, and it does not help with trying to guess the meaning she had for the word.

But maybe it's just you are a better man than I am, NotElvisJr, and you smell out context much better than I can ever hope to.

"Ladies and gentlemen... Elvis has left the auditorium. Is there a context out there in the audience? We have a slight emergency."
 lioil1
Joined: 7/19/2014
Msg: 39
what should i do if a girl says she like guys who are proactive
Posted: 9/23/2014 6:01:39 AM
So it seems when she says proactive it doesnt mean physically but like in communication like asking to go out and suggesting in doing activities...but in terms of kissing or whatnot thats not what she meant...
 NotElvisJunior
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 40
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what should i do if a girl says she like guys who are proactive
Posted: 10/3/2014 8:45:05 AM
Hmm, that's the thing that makes me cringe. Had an ex like that. She liked going out, and was good at finding things/places. I wasn't. Naturally, she insisted that I suggest stuff. So she could reject them, I think. In my case, there as an ulterior motive (not counting laziness) - but, eh, I think my particular experience with that makes me cringe at the word.
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