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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > To reply to generic messages or not??      Home login  
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 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 26
To reply to generic messages or not??Page 2 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
This might just be me. I am attracted to articulate, educated males with good communication skills.


If there is mutual initial interest based on the photos and profile, then the follow up email / phone conversations and/or dates ( if it gets that far ) can better determine if someone is articulate or not. I responded to women that sent me "How are you?" type first emails or "winks". Their subsequent emails were often longer and contained more information.
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 27
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/13/2014 9:40:02 AM
Haven't you ever heard the phrase, "You had me at hello"?! It's a number's game for men, they have no idea which women will like them back, but they make first contact the majority of the time... so spending time on a first message is a ginormous waste of time.... the smart guys are not going to do it, it's useless.

That said ladies, if you like their profile, write them back... but don't answer text-speak, and they better know how to write, and that second message should be personalized. And if you smell any red flags, don't play with them.

Welcome to the world's greatest cat-and-mouse game.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 28
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/13/2014 10:08:32 AM
Most first messages are pretty lame. Unless they are also very badly spelled as in "your beautiful" I check out the profile of the guy in question first. If I like what I see and read, I write back, something like "I'm OK, how about you?" . If he is still lame after that, then I'll lose interest very quickly.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 29
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/13/2014 10:24:42 AM
I NEVER made it a habit to reply to "Hi".
I have replied to "Hi/hello, how are you?", AFTER I read and reread his profile. IF the info provided in his profile was well written, IF we lived less than 100 miles from each other, IF he was single or divorced, AND he was smiling in his pictures, then yes, I would reply.
 TrebleMaker87
Joined: 8/20/2011
Msg: 30
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/13/2014 12:36:59 PM
Gender aside, I think the consensus is that a well-written, SHORT, personalized first message is the best route. And you guys are right; the "your pretty" message is WAY worse than, "Hi, how are you?". Use correct capitalization and grammar PLEASE! But again--everyone deserves to find love--even inarticulate people :/
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 31
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/13/2014 12:42:39 PM
One liners I find acceptable if done with thought, like "I have a ribeye grilling for you" OR how do you drive fast with two left feet?
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 32
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/13/2014 3:02:48 PM
^^^ I dated a man for 2 yrs after his clever response to my email asking "do you have all your teeth?" As I said before short emails didn't offend me because I know that starting a conversation with a complete stranger is not easy.

If the mass emailing stopped, or at least slowed, I maintain my belief that men would get more responses.
 traveltheworld811
Joined: 5/8/2014
Msg: 33
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/13/2014 5:39:22 PM
It sounds like--overall--you had a very positive experience doing online dating. (Always nice to see a success story . . . it gives the rest of us hope.) :-)

I am presuming that, in your profile, you made it clear that you didn't want any cut-and-paste notes, right? I've noticed that many women put this in their profile. I love it--when a woman clearly says what type of note she's looking for, a guy can't when if he ignores her request (or, equally likely, he didn't bother to read her profile so he was unaware of it to begin with.). I also love it when a woman says the opposite. When she says, in essence, "If you like my profile, just send me a short note saying 'hi.' " Now we know that she'll see the note, check out our photos, and if she likes them, she'll check out the rest of our profile. And if she's interested, she'll get back to us. Both approaches strike me as perfectly valid dating strategies.

My own approach: If someone writes me a thoughtful first note, I'll overlook a sparse profile. If I get only a "Hi, I liked your profile." note, then she would have to have a decently-sized profile. But a too-short note and too-short profile is a DQ from me, regardless of her photos . . . life is too short to be in a relationship where one person is trying to drag out info from a partner who is making every effort to show that he/she is unable (or unwilling) to share.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 34
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/13/2014 8:40:10 PM

Most first messages are pretty lame. Unless they are also very badly spelled as in "your beautiful" I check out the profile of the guy in question first. If I like what I see and read, I write back, something like "I'm OK, how about you?" . If he is still lame after that, then I'll lose interest very quickly.


That makes sense, and more people should work like that. It solves EVERYTHING. We see you might actually be interested in a conversation, so we can build from there, instead of wasting the effort for total silence from the start. That quick "do you wan to talk to me", I'm sure would lead to a lot more messages with some actual substance to them.
 xeot
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 35
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/13/2014 9:06:57 PM
I get the same from women. "hey" or "how are you?". It's nice that they wrote and I used to reply if they were suitably attractive to me. And while it might sound bad making physical appearance the way to judge, it was the only way I had to judge beyond age, height, and location type stuff.

Most women have profiles from which I cannot create a well written creative individualized response. Even the ones with lots of words are usually filled with the same generic stuff that a form email would work for and any response to would come off as one.

So I get this 'Hi' message and the profile is nearly empty or is filled with 'love to travel' type generic stuff... My profiles (I don't use this one but to rarely read the forums now) have always been full of stuff to comment on, so there's no excuse. Anyways I am trying to make do with nothing. And thus it never went anywhere. So I started ignoring all of them really. I suppose if I got one from a woman that was really attractive I'd still try, but every one of those has turned out to be a fake profile. Yes, if it's too good to be true I use reverse image search and it usually is.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 36
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/14/2014 4:28:59 AM
I strongly dislike scant profile. Recently, a seemingly nice gentleman with this scant profile sent me a beautiful, initial e-mail. I was surprised, at first, because crappy profiles are operated by the people who put the same amount of effortlessness, in their e-mails; they expect hoards of women to respond, simply because they exist.

An amazing conversation could come about a "Hello or good morning: how are you?" There isn't anything wrong with this.
 NDTfan
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 37
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/14/2014 7:41:41 AM

Cause when you get so many messages from so many people, you need to dismiss most of them for reasons that are less and less important. What criteria have you got to dismiss them? That he is not relationship material? That he isn't honest enough? That he is egotistical? You can't use those criteria because you don't know them enough. So you use superficial reasons.


Well, you don't know any of these women either, but that doesn't stop you from making statements about their mental health based on nothing but the fact that they don't jump on your penis because you said hi. Why do you care what someone else's criteria is for a partner? All you need to know is that you do or don't meet them and work from there.

This shaming women into accepting less simply because you don't want to be more has to stop. Nobody's coming to you and berating you into giving up what you want so they can get what THEY want from you... so knock it off and stop doing it to them.




If the mass emailing stopped, or at least slowed, I maintain my belief that men would get more responses.


You're right. I had so many messages the first 6 months or so that I would get anxious when I logged in. Simply because I knew that there's no way that many men were actually interested in me as a person. It was like getting swarmed with dogs trying to hump your leg. It was so bad at one point, that I didn't log in for almost a month, and logged off within minutes because the messages would start again when I signed in. The worst were the messages from men telling me off for not messaging them back. They had a whole lot of things to say about me, my looks, my situation. Every single azzhole from real life, who said these things from a safe distance... but I live in a city so small that running into any one of them is very likely. When you get 37 messages in a day from a guy who works in the same building....

Pretty much all problems with OLD would go away if (and I say men because honestly, I don't know any women who approach OLD like the men do) men would READ THE PROFILE and look for things in common. Not "I has penis, she has vagina! PERFECT!". If you're a 58 year old morbidly obese country fan who lives in a trailer, you're probably not going to get very fair with an 18 year old that loves going to the beach and Daft Punk. No matter how tingly you get when you look at her pictures. And if you do send a message to her, then it's not HER fault that YOU wasted YOUR time on something that a little common sense would tell you wouldn't go anywhere. And she wouldn't get creeped out and close her profile because she keeps attracting dirty, gross old men who think "Wanna come to my house and give me a bj" is the best offer she'll ever get.


My profile headline says that if you don't have a pic, you won't get a reply. If every man read it, I wouldn't get half the messages I get. Which would be great, because these were men I wouldn't look at anyway. So they go around complaining about how shallow women are, and how women are wasting their time. Just a little common sense and 2 minutes to read a profile.... but much, much too hard for some men. The same men complaining that their lack of thought means that women are mentally ill.


If I like what I see and read, I write back, something like "I'm OK, how about you?" . If he is still lame after that, then I'll lose interest very quickly.


When I do that, I get told off for "getting their hopes up" and of "being a flake" or a "c*ck tease".

I just remember that men are all different, that some men will not be happy until and unless their interaction with any chick they "like" ends in anything less than him going balls deep.... and do my own thing. It's just too bad that so many of them have been told that since they are men, then they should get their way. They bought their own press, and then get the point their fingers everywhere else when it turns out that they were deluding themselves all along. Seems like a good deal to me.



It makes women more picky and demanding, and it makes it harder to get noticed.


I've got a newsflash for you, not wanting you (no matter what he reason) doesn't man that women are picky and demanding, it means that the women you choose to message don't want you. Whining isn't going to work, so your only real option is to choose from what you're offered or abstain. *shrug*

It's delusional, and not surprising from a group who think that average body type is up to 300 pounds, and you have to hit 400 before you have to "be realistic" and change it to "a few extra pounds". I've seen "average" men with chins that weigh more than I do.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 38
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/14/2014 8:25:25 AM

Pretty much all problems with OLD would go away if (and I say men because honestly, I don't know any women who approach OLD like the men do) men would READ THE PROFILE and look for things in common.


That's fair enough... Long as more women give us more to work with than 5 pictures of cleavage and "ask me" or "message me" as their profile. Or the same generic stuff like "I like to laugh", "I like to have fun", "I like music"... So does the entire rest of the world.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 39
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/14/2014 9:05:23 AM
My most hated generic term that women use is, "Real Man", and "I like to travel".
Real man as opposed to one made out of twizzler sticks?

Where do you like to travel? bathroom, livingroom, down to the grocery store?

"Ask me" is funny.
OH ok 20 questions huh? Animal, vegitable, or mineral?
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 40
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/14/2014 10:08:27 AM
I'm always curious about people who claim that their time is so precious that they don't want to 'waste it 'by taking time to write a customized articulate message. Are they literate? My boyfriend's first language isn't even English and I'm certain it wouldn't take him more than 5 minutes to read a profile and put a few well chosen sentences together. What exactly is the 'great effort'?

The same with people not wanting to 'waste time'' corresponding with others or 'waste time ' on a first meet. What exactly is it that would otherwise fill your life so much? People are on this site every day but have some rationed out time to write a cohesive message to a potential partner? If necessary I could write a half dozen quality messages, meet a man for coffee, and do it in less time than doing the laundry.

I doubt if more than one person in a day, that most of us find as a potential partner, is joining POF or Match or whatever site in our area . Perhaps one every couple of days. Why is it such a great effort to write more than a couple well thought out sentences...its no harder than posting to this forum.
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 41
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/14/2014 11:01:06 AM
I would never write more than a line or two, a brief intro message with something somewhat insightful/whitty/funny was always a personality test for me. If you got something in kind back there was a chance.

It was like the girl who had her main picture by the pool with a big plate of fruit next to her, I asked her "how was the watermelon?" Her reply back "I don't understand" which I knew was an instant...next. Dang if you don't get something, try to make something up at least.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 42
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/14/2014 11:32:14 AM
NDT's man-hatred strikes again. It's almost like she's frothing at the mouth when she spins out these diatribes. I've heard less vitriol from Andrea Dworkin talking about pornography. My god, just imagine if she actually subjected one of those ten-thousand poor souls to a date with her. They should be thanking her for being such a discerning online dater. Of course I think she's just saving her glittering personality for us forum fellas. ;)
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 43
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/14/2014 7:36:59 PM

I'm always curious about people who claim that their time is so precious that they don't want to 'waste it 'by taking time to write a customized articulate message. Are they literate? My boyfriend's first language isn't even English and I'm certain it wouldn't take him more than 5 minutes to read a profile and put a few well chosen sentences together. What exactly is the 'great effort'?


Just like how people claim that they don't have the time to reply to messages from people they're not interested in.

We have the time, we just don't want to waste the effort on someone that's not going to acknowledge it. Not saying that you have to, or that you owe anyone a response (since I will get accused of saying that otherwise), just, it's a lot easier to stay enthusiastic about it when that effort is going to actually talking to someone instead of an email that's just lost to the internet.
 patchjoker13
Joined: 8/24/2014
Msg: 44
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/14/2014 11:40:07 PM
It has been brought up before how certain ladies on these threads talk about most guys being too stupid, ugly, fat, and gross for them to even look their direction. That's fine, but how would the ladies feel about a guy talking that way about women? He would probably be banned from the site. Hell, even when guys complain about the lack of responses, they are labeled as women haters. It is clear that on this site and in these forums, us guys a the lowest of the low.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 45
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/15/2014 5:36:54 AM
What I'm wondering is what, exactly do these women have on their profiles that's getting them 10,000 messages?!?!
I consider myself to be an attractive woman,have a complete and well-thought out profile and I have never, and I mean NEVER, received anywhere NEAR that many messages!!!
Let's face it, you can find those type of women in ANY bar, pretty much ANYWHERE in the world. They're usually surrounded by men buying them drinks, although they usually go home alone or with their friends.
Anyway, last time I checked dating whether on line or IRL is not a democracy...everyone doesn't get their "turn".
Normally, for myself, if a guy messages me then I will check out his profile and decide whether or not to message back. If it's a sexual message and/or their profile is largely empty, then it's a no-go automatically.
Are there women on here and other sites who are doing it to stroke their egos and boost their self-esteem? You bet! But I've also seen the same thing from men.
Consider this...at least you're not wasting an entire evening and a sh!tload of cash, only to watch her walk out the door without so much as a goodbye.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 46
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/15/2014 6:11:38 AM
That's fair enough... Long as more women give us more to work with than 5 pictures of cleavage and "ask me" or "message me" as their profile. Or the same generic stuff like "I like to laugh", "I like to have fun", "I like music"... So does the entire rest of the world.


Good point. Many women's profiles also say things like "I'm sick of the bar scene", "My kids come first" ( if they are a single or divorced mother ), "I'm not looking for a hook up", "I am outdoors almost every weekend camping,hiking, or skiing". Nothing wrong with liking outdoor activities. But I doubt many people spend the vast majority of their free time doing these things.
 JohnnyI986
Joined: 7/6/2014
Msg: 47
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/17/2014 12:37:26 PM
Poor women that get showered with infinite love and attention via sites like these and now they've reached the point of super inflated ego where 2's like you think they're 10's and a good old fashioned "how's it going" doesn't do it anymore.

Ps - It always cracks me up when single mothers of multiple children or uggos message me acting like they somehow did me a favor rofl.
 sunsetsam
Joined: 8/25/2014
Msg: 48
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/17/2014 12:46:59 PM

Call me judgmental (or what have you), but I have a really hard time responding to generic messages (i.e. "Hi, how are you?"). Does anyone else feel this way???


To be honest, the ONLY time I feel this way is when I don't find them attractive.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 49
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/17/2014 2:13:03 PM


Call me judgmental (or what have you), but I have a really hard time responding to generic messages (i.e. "Hi, how are you?"). Does anyone else feel this way???



To be honest, the ONLY time I feel this way is when I don't find them attractive.


Don’t look now, but there is a really big bruiser coming up behind you, and he is about to physically eject you. You see, honesty is not allowed here. Strictly against the rules. This is an OLD (Online Dating Site), and everyone knows that honesty and dating do not mix. Strictly an oil and water thing.
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 50
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/17/2014 3:33:30 PM
I no longer respond to the "hi" or "hey there" messages because what I've found is that after that the interaction is just as lackluster as the original message. If you're going to send someone a message you should be prepared to carry the conversation or a lease be an active engaging participant. If I can't have an engaging conversation with a woman then we aren't a match. And our interaction over a few mails isn't engaging or im asking all the questions im just getting online responses, then im certainly not going to invite them out to a date just to have the same experience.
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