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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > To reply to generic messages or not??      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 51
To reply to generic messages or not??Page 3 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Call me judgmental (or what have you), but I have a really hard time responding to generic messages (i.e. "Hi, how are you?"). Does anyone else feel this way???


To be honest, the ONLY time I feel this way is when I don't find them attractive.


+100, if any guy says he won't reply when an attractive woman simply says hello or hi too break the ice, he's either lying...or gay
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 52
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/17/2014 6:24:00 PM
^^^
I imagine women are no different.

I've gotten friggin manifestos that were very personalized from very unattractive individuals.

I will not waste there time putting them in a friend zone.
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 53
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/17/2014 8:03:56 PM
Works BOTH ways Sunshine. I've received a handful of initial e-mails from POF women.

Underwhelming, to say the least. The 1 or 2 that did not begin and end with, "Hi, ur funny"......................still did NOT reference anything in my profile. I had NO idea whether she's simply writing to inform me that she chuckled reading my profile OR she wants to interact................or both.

For giggles (and insight into your own question), read through a random sampling of female profiles. Every 3rd one is some variation of, "Ask me." or "I hate these things, I never know what to write." or, "I like to have fun! Tell you more when we meet."

Did not read YOUR profile, so I have no idea what guys have to work with.

The variations are infinite.

Hi (insert name here),

I found your profile intriguing. I see that you are into paper napkin folding. That's cool. In kolledge, I was the amateur paper napkin folding champion of the world. I am sure that there have been huge advances in that area of paper napkin folding over the years. Would love to have you enlighten me.

Yes, there are like a whole 6 sentences there. Perhaps I overdid it. Someone might come across as a "desperate", "needy", sl*t if they were to subject themselves to the tyranny of typing 6 whole sentences. Just an idea for a template.
 NDTfan
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 54
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/18/2014 5:12:48 PM

That's fair enough... Long as more women give us more to work with than 5 pictures of cleavage and "ask me" or "message me" as their profile. Or the same generic stuff like "I like to laugh", "I like to have fun", "I like music"... So does the entire rest of the world.


So in order for men we don't want to write us better messages we probably won't want to read (because they're from men we don't want to write us)... WE have to compromise.

You're missing something here. Women aren't asking for these messages. We don't CARE if men don't write us. So exactly why would we change anything for you?

This tit for tat bullshite is... well... bullshite.


NDT's man-hatred strikes again. It's almost like she's frothing at the mouth when she spins out these diatribes. I've heard less vitriol from Andrea Dworkin talking about pornography. My god, just imagine if she actually subjected one of those ten-thousand poor souls to a date with her. They should be thanking her for being such a discerning online dater. Of course I think she's just saving her glittering personality for us forum fellas. ;)


I don't hate men, I hate whiny azzholes. Perhaps if so many men weren't whiny azzholes, they wouldn't get offended.


On my penis? How did you arrive to such conclusion? Do you even know me to say such thing? Or are you just assuming all men are the same, which is exactly what you are critizing me against?


No, I'm assuming all men who get mad at women and try to bargain them out of wanting what they want aren't the same...

Let's recap.

Women who want men who are taller are shallow.
Women who don't want to struggle from paycheck to paycheck. Golddiggers.
Women who don't want men who just want a pump and dump. Egotistical
Women who don't figure out what men want from the beginning and give it to them. Not nice and ladylike.
Women who don't want to deal with men and let them know in no uncertain terms that they're not welcome. B*tches who don't follow "the social contract".
Women who don't blush and thank man #367,998 who gives her a "compliment" like catcalls or sexual comeons. Ungrateful.
Women who can't figure out which men are putting on a front. Stupid
Women who sleep with anyone. Sluts
Women who won't sleep with just anyone. Frigid

And so on and so on. A whole lot of men who spend an inordinate amount of time trying to dictate (through making inferences about their mental state) to the entire other sex, when actually trying to be the type of man women want to be with would get better results. And when someone points it out,they feel attacked/victimized. Who wants a whiner? Nobody... but it doesn't stop the whiners from whining that SOMEONE should be willing to put up with it. But not just anyone, it's got to be the ones he wants in the first place.


It has been brought up before how certain ladies on these threads talk about most guys being too stupid, ugly, fat, and gross for them to even look their direction.


Nobody said that. It's about efficiency. Women have to be efficient and concentrate on the man most likely to be her match.

So why is it so gut-wrenching for the bitter bros to be told to be more efficient and concentrate on the women most likely to give him what he wants?

We know why... it's because they overestimate what they have to offer and feel offended that others don't see them the same way. They feel victimized because women have a list of their own, and he's not on it.


What I'm wondering is what, exactly do these women have on their profiles that's getting them 10,000 messages?!?!


I'm a thin women in a sea of morbidly obese women who have manly bone structure. Most are very top heavy, and I don't mean just breasts. I remember when I was 17 and an Icelander asked my uncle where I grew up. Obesity is hovering at 40 percent here, and 85% of people are overweight.Thin is rare here, and vilified by most women and men that thin women don't date. Newfies take such horrible care of ourselves as a population that this generation of children are expected to die 5-10 years before their parents do and we already have the lowest life expectancy in Canada. Being pretty and petite anywhere in public here in Newfoundland is like being a cow that's fallen into a pond full of pirahnas. And no matter how unattractive a man is here, he acts like king sh*t with a swagger that would put a rock star to shame.

This is a place where "Nice arse. Come get in me truck maid" is considered to be the best a woman can expect.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 55
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/18/2014 8:12:06 PM

What I'm wondering is what, exactly do these women have on their profiles that's getting them 10,000 messages?!?!


A good picture.


I consider myself to be an attractive woman,have a complete and well-thought out profile and I have never, and I mean NEVER, received anywhere NEAR that many messages!!!


Don't feel bad. Men don't get messages.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 56
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/18/2014 8:18:07 PM
I get about 10 emails a week. I'm good.
 patchjoker13
Joined: 8/24/2014
Msg: 57
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/18/2014 8:38:39 PM
Maybe that is the problem with NDT Fan, she thinks all men are like the ones from Newfoundland. And, I don't buy the whole "women being efficient thing". One of the things that I do when I message ladies is ask them how the site has worked for them. I get the most responses with that question and many say that the guys they end up talking to are either players, liars, or are just looking for FWB stuff. Which leads me to believe that some of the men that are successful on these sites are not the same guys looking for relationships. If woman who get many messages should not settle for just an average guy, why should a guy who has success on these sites settle for just one woman? ....... Think about it
 patchjoker13
Joined: 8/24/2014
Msg: 58
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/18/2014 8:46:00 PM
BTW, even though NDTFan seems like an angry person. I think that maybe her experiences have made her this way, but if she has the right to be angry, does men not deserve a right to be angry. I like the fact that she is not afraid to call things the way she sees them, I just think that sometimes she is looking through the fog of Newfoundland. Nothing wrong with being pretty and tough.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 59
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/18/2014 10:04:20 PM

Maybe that is the problem with NDT Fan, she thinks all men are like the ones from Newfoundland.


I've been to Newfoundland. I live in Ontario and it didn't seem that different. I think some people are just angry like the Angry Dad cartoon on the Simpsons.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 60
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/18/2014 11:30:03 PM
Patch, don't make excuses for her. People who are truly happy with themselves don't come to a discussion board specifically to trash the other gender. It doesn't matter what's gone on in her life. If I had let every bad circumstance dictate my perception of other people, then I would never be able to go out and have a good time. At some point, you have to be able to chill out. She's got a serious ax to grind with men for reasons that go deeper than generic messages and until she comes to terms with it, then it's going to be more of the same misandry. Which, frankly, is not our problem. It's hers and the unsuspecting men of Newfoundland that dare to approach her.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 61
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/19/2014 2:13:17 AM
I'm a thin women in a sea of morbidly obese women who have manly bone structure. Most are very top heavy, and I don't mean just breasts


Ummm...am NOT morbidly obese, I look like my pics (5'4" and a healthy weight), so I'm not sure what that means exactly...and I've NEVER been told that I have "manly bone structure", again, not sure what that even means???Also not ALL men actually like thin women, last time I checked...



A good picture


What constitutes a "good picture"? Just curious...

I just want to be clear by stating that I never assumed that it was my "fault" that I didn't have thousands of messages each day...
What I HAVE discovered since being back this time is that when I'm on the forums that I'm getting messaged by guys, generic or otherwise, and I simply don't have the time to respond because of my living/working situation. Not immediately, any way...
Should I be taking the time to explain that to a complete stranger? Yeah, not so much,for me. And when I DO have the time, well my attention may get snagged by somebody else that I find interesting, so am I supposed to message back all of the guys who've sent me a "Hi! How are you" email and explain that to them?
My time really IS limited and I have to use it wisely and much as I may not want to hurt somebody's feelings, I don't think that I want to feel obligated or even accountable to people that I don't know...

I would just assume, when I, myself have been in that position, that "he's just NOT that into me". and move on, no hard feelings...
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 62
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/19/2014 9:02:23 AM
A poster up there hit the nail on the head.
People tolerate a lot more in others when they find them
attractive.

I've never gotten a bazillion messages on here.
I've also not gotten rude messages.

Come to think of it...that's been my life since high school.
Not bad enough to tormented, not good enough
to be apotheosized...just stuck in the middle of reason.

So yeah, I would reply to a generic message if I found the
sender attractive or interesting. If the person creeped me
out (for whatever reason) no.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 63
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/19/2014 9:20:06 AM

What constitutes a "good picture"? Just curious...


Women that are really pretty and have flattering pictures will always get more messages than average women. I'm sure men that are tall, in shape, and earn lots of money get more messages than average men too.


I would just assume, when I, myself have been in that position, that "he's just NOT that into me". and move on, no hard feelings...


There's nothing wrong with ignoring a generic message if you don't have time to answer. Men and women do this all the time.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 64
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/19/2014 9:28:32 AM
Personally, if I found the profile was well written and I enjoyed their pictures, all they had to do was say "hi'.

This is how pretty much every conversation I have ever had started so I didn't hold online people to any different standard then I did in real life.

Of course, subsequent emails had to contain more than a Hello...and if I found I was the one doing all of the talking/writing, I lost interest as I prefer balance in all things.
 sunsetsam
Joined: 8/25/2014
Msg: 65
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/19/2014 9:33:07 AM

Of course, subsequent emails had to contain more than a Hello...and if I found I was the one doing all of the talking/writing, I lost interest as I prefer balance in all things.


I agree , except I wouldn't lose interest completely, I would just move her from potential relationship to potential boinkage and try to get to the boinkage asap !

LOL
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 66
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/19/2014 9:35:19 AM
What a trip...

I didn't know until recently that those 'Hey there:)' messages are women sending out PoF's equivalent of winks?

Figures.

I shouldn't expect a meaningful exchange from a half baked message. The responses are more then a day apart. Like watching paint dry.

Almost as bad as the Meet Me feature where the person hasn't even viewed your profile yet.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 67
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/19/2014 9:43:48 AM
+100, if any guy says he won't reply when an attractive woman simply says hello or hi too break the ice, he's either lying...or gay


Wrong.

Some men have standards in addition to libidos.
 sunsetsam
Joined: 8/25/2014
Msg: 68
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/19/2014 9:59:34 AM
+100, if any guy says he won't reply when an attractive woman simply says hello or hi too break the ice, he's either lying...or gay




…or NUTS or D U M B


Why is he nuts or d u m b?

Not every guy has to chase after what is otherwise mediocre interest just because she has good looking pictures.


How is it chasing if SHE initiated the contact ?
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 69
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/19/2014 10:07:51 AM
^^^

Why is he nuts or d u m b?

Women bypass these messages because they get messaged by plenty other prospects that grab their attention and imaginations more.
Believe it or not, some men are in the same position. Not every guy has to chase after what is otherwise mediocre interest just because she has good looking pictures.
 Cdan1957
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 70
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/19/2014 10:13:15 AM

Not every guy has to chase after what is otherwise mediocre interest just because she has good looking pictures.


Not chase but I would also find it hard to believe that if a guy receives an email from a attractive female that he wouldn't at least respond to the email to see what it was all about.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 71
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/19/2014 10:13:32 AM
Attraction guarantees them a profile view but definitely not keystrokes.

If she lives more then 10 miles away? Forget it :)

Seriously, why respond to someone who lives internationally?

Point being, I've got to at least glance at the top of their profile before wasting keystrokes.
 lelenc1
Joined: 9/10/2014
Msg: 72
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/19/2014 10:36:57 AM

People are so fast to find a reason to dismiss someone right from the start.


Yeah. I'll say.

If people did not do any dismissing, then we would all be dating each other. Heck, even I'd get a date once in while.

Dismissing is an essential part of the selection process. If people found their compatible helpmeat, via people not getting dismissied at the drop of a hat, then POF would be out of business.

I like to read threads and read how people dismiss each other, and how they dismiss others, and how they are dismissed. It reinforces my human worth, establishing that I am not the only one getting dismissed.

Now only if some of you would get dismissed 1oo percent of the time, and state that here on the forums, that would also be helpful for my mental-emotional well-being. All of a sudden I could look at myself in the mirror, and say, "Lelenc, you are not alone. Now you're a somebody."

Copyright: Lelenc1, 2014.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 73
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/19/2014 10:41:23 AM
I've received a lot of these simple "Hi" and "Hello there" contacts.

If the picture is unattractive they get flushed immediately, there is no point.
Otherwise, I will look at their profile, just in the off chance that they've got something great going on despite their uninteresting approach. There hasn't been a single instance that I can recall where one of these turned out to have anything in their profile that compelled me to contact them, and that includes model-like photos. * flush *

It is funny how so many guys complain about women's perceptions of men as having one-track minds, or how women have some kind of upper hand in OLD-- but then it's supposed to be a given that men just jump at someone who offers nothing more than a picture of strategically-posed or digitally-enhanced face and t!ts. Of course, I don't know what these people are really like, but I'm sorry ladies, you need to put in a little more effort to get my attention.

In fact, it is a cliche, but my experience has proven that the less attractive people have often done more to develop themselves, and therefore, I am *less* inclined to contact those with prettier pictures.

Disclaimer: This does not include any of you in this forum that I've contacted. You are in fact very hot and interesting.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 74
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/19/2014 11:00:15 AM

If the picture is unattractive they get flushed immediately, there is no point.
Otherwise, I will look at their profile, just in the off chance that they've got something great going on despite their uninteresting approach. There hasn't been a single instance that I can recall where one of these turned out to have anything in their profile that compelled me to contact them, and that includes model-like photos. * flush *


I'm not buying what you're selling.



It is funny how so many guys complain about women's perceptions of men as having one-track minds, or how women have some kind of upper hand in OLD-- but then it's supposed to be a given that men just jump at someone who offers nothing more than a picture of strategically-posed or digitally-enhanced face and t!ts. Of course, I don't know what these people are really like, but I'm sorry ladies, you need to put in a little more effort to get my attention.


Women have the upper hand in dating online and offline. When's the last time you saw: "Men's night - men get in free" a the bar? Again, I'm not buying what you're selling. You'd have to be insane to believe men aren't going to reply to a very attractive woman that starts things off with a basic opening message.



In fact, it is a cliche, but my experience has proven that the less attractive people have often done more to develop themselves, and therefore, I am *less* inclined to contact those with prettier pictures.


Do you really expect people to believe you?
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 75
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/19/2014 11:07:27 AM

In fact, it is a cliche, but my experience has proven that the less attractive people have often done more to develop themselves, and therefore, I am *less* inclined to contact those with prettier pictures.


Do you really expect people to believe you?


Even if he is telling the truth, he is 1 guy out of 20 million on here (or however many men are on here). That hardly constitutes a majority behavior.

Marketers don't base their decisions on the behavior of 1 out of 20 million customers. they base their decisions on the majority.
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