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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > To reply to generic messages or not??      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 101
To reply to generic messages or not??Page 5 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Jeez, I swear, the temperature must have dropped 30 degrees in here!

Brrrrr.....

Ain't no love in them streets!
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 102
Give it a rest already!!!
Posted: 9/26/2014 5:38:23 PM
Conclusion: No one wants to hear the truth, so the truth shall not set you free, it shall shatter the illusion that rents space in your head.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 103
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/26/2014 9:13:10 PM

69% of men consider themselves "physically fit". According to the scientific definition of the word, only 13% are.


While I would agree there are men ( and women ) that labeled themselves as athletic or fit when they are clearly overweight, where did you get these numbers from.


The vast majority of the messages on dating websites are sent to women 18 to 20 years old. The messages taper off dramatically once you hit 26 and most women in their 30s receive the same number of messages as post-menopausal women.


Once again, yes there are men that mostly go after younger women, but where did you get these numbers from.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 104
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History
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/27/2014 5:05:58 AM
I try to keep in mind that it can be hard to message a stranger so I try not to judge too harshly when I get a short/generic message. I look at their profile, tells me much more than the message. Lots of times the second message will be better than the first so don't judge too quickly.
I do dislike getting the "Hey there", "morning", etc messages and will usually respond exactly the same. Don't usually get any response after that so apparently they don't like short/generic messages either.
NDTfan speaks a lot of truth. I remember having a conversation with a girlfriend over 30 years ago and also saying that I have never heard a man describe himself as being unattractive. Even the most physically unappealing man will say he's average. In my experience most men do think they are much more attractive than they actually are.
Especially amusing are the fat men who don't think their 9 month pregnant belly counts as fat, the fat men who reject women for being fat.
The old men who reject women the same age as being too old. (I feel/look/act younger so I want a younger woman).
I read a lot of forums where men are saying women are too fussy, trust me, a lot of men are too fussy too. Maybe we should all stop thinking we deserve more than what we are.
 gingham7
Joined: 7/26/2014
Msg: 105
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/27/2014 7:00:06 AM

NDTfan speaks a lot of truth. I remember having a conversation with a girlfriend over 30 years ago and also saying that I have never heard a man describe himself as being unattractive. Even the most physically unappealing man will say he's average. In my experience most men do think they are much more attractive than they actually are.


I don't think many people from either gender considers themselves as unattractive. Except the ones that lack confidence / self esteem. At least in my experiences.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 106
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History
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/27/2014 7:16:28 AM
I often refuse to meet men telling them they're too attractive for me. I have to admit this often comes as a surprise to them, they tell me they've never heard this before. I have no problems with my confidence or self esteem, I'm able to look in the mirror and see what other's see.
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 107
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/27/2014 7:59:09 AM
Really ladies (some not all of course) hate to break the new to you but your attitudes and outlooks in general almost mirror the men's. This is not curvy ( ) this is curvy 8...Of course I'm teasing but in reality the outlooks are similar except "I believe" in the later stages of life when women hear the biological clock ticking while men can't because they don't trim the hair in their ears...

The profiles I look at (both sexes) feature about the same mis-representations and almost always "to a tee" have an age range (when they have one) that reflects a much greater younger than they are over older than they are range because "they of course don't look OR act their age" so they need someone younger.

We are almost all about the same in personal attitudes, now I'm off to trim my ear hair.
 rftv1020
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 108
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/27/2014 9:43:58 AM
TUMuchFun DO NOT USE NAIR!!!! That crap will take the hide off of a Buffalo. lmao

Just an observation???? So much negative from people both men and women. If OLD is so horrible why do people stay? If something truly makes you miserable why keep coming back? If women get too many messages why not state in your profile "Do not contact me! If I like what I see I will contact you!" ??

Also maybe that issue can be addressed in pof help. As an option limit the number of incoming messages with the other mail controls. Or only allow incoming mail to your inbox from people you made first contact with.

Easy adjustment to a web page and I am sure if enough women ask for the changes they can be made.
 gingham7
Joined: 7/26/2014
Msg: 109
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/27/2014 10:11:23 AM
I often refuse to meet men telling them they're too attractive for me. I have to admit this often comes as a surprise to them, they tell me they've never heard this before. I have no problems with my confidence or self esteem, I'm able to look in the mirror and see what other's see.


I know women and men that were hesitant about going out on dates with because of the phrase in bold. Lack of confidence or self esteem was a part of the reason why. Having said that, I clearly don't know enough details about random strangers in the same situation to make an assessment about them. Which is why I included "in my experiences" in my previous post.

Besides, even if a man was generally considered to be more attractive than a woman or vice versa. Perhaps he had different tastes compared to most other men. Or he liked her because of her personality, intelligence etc.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 110
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/27/2014 10:34:27 AM

I often refuse to meet men telling them they're too attractive for me. I have to admit this often comes as a surprise to them, they tell me they've never heard this before.


One woman said this to me. To be honest, I took it with a grain of salt. Just like the "It's not you. It's me" excuse that some people use to end things with another person.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 111
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/27/2014 10:46:11 AM

There isn't really a Truth, there are just ways of looking at things I think. And some ways are more destructive than others. Some people believe that others are bad until proven otherwise, others believe that people are good until proven otherwise. One makes you be resentful, the other allows you to see the silver lining.


Perspective and truth are two different things.

We can argue not agreeing with the law of gravity as a constant, the speed of light, or any other constant that is universally agreed upon, even if neither of us believe it to be true, it doesn't matter, it's irrelevant. It is an established, well known fact.

I think you were trying to make an argument for "right or wrong", which indeed relies on perspective, but the truth does not. Remember that whole "If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?", whether people hear it or not, the damn tree fell and trees are not featherweight so it will make a sound.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 112
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/27/2014 5:17:27 PM

BelleVintage, if it wasn't because there is the Atlantic Ocean between us, I honestly would ask you if you fancied going for a coffee to continue talking about this interesting topic that you are bringing up. But I'm too lazy and waaaay too off-topic to talk about this on this forum.


Well, if you are serious, it might just happen. I just looked at a map and according to the map, UK is close to France. I plan to move to France in some future but I will be traveling back and forth first. There wouldn't be an ocean between us then. I may not for the life of me understand what you'll say but we can write it out, lol.

On topic,

You can reply to generic messages with generic answers:
Q: "What's up?"
A: "the ceiling"
 burge105
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 113
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/27/2014 7:48:00 PM
Well you do I always send a generic respone short and sweet simple with something in their profile and there is nothing wrong with that in the hope she looks at your profile and see if there si something that catches her interest. The only way to start is by saying Hi.
 patchjoker13
Joined: 8/24/2014
Msg: 114
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/28/2014 8:58:40 AM
To all the ladies who are saying that most men think they are more attractive than they really are, I find this totally hypocritical. We live in a society that has a way larger of an appreciation for the diversity of women's looks and appearance than we do for men. I'm going to prove it to you. Today almost all women, young and old, different body sizes, facial looks, are identified as being beautiful in their own way. Watch any talk show and listen when they introduce female celebrities. It is always "the beautiful Betty White", "the sexy Queen Latifah", and "the cute this, and wonderful that". Do you ever hear them say "the handsome Don Rickles will be joining us tonight", or "we have a special quest, the sexy Danny Devito". You don't hear that stuff very often because there is a different standard when addressing the appearance of men versus women.

Also, name me a male plus size model, oh, I forgot, there are not many and they do not get any attention. Please tell me why there are so many ad campaigns focused on promoting the idea that "larger" women are just as attractive as skinny women yet there is no similar propaganda for plus size men. Why? Because, like I said, there is a different standard when addressing the appearance of men versus women.

Another thing, how many times do we see in public an ugly or heavy lady wearing a pair of tight sweat pants with the word "diva","sexy",or"hot" across her large butt. Now tell me when was the last time you saw an over weight guy walking around with a pair of pants that says "handsome" across the butt. Look at these sites, how many larger ladies have pictures with their bodies all hanging out.

For NDT Fan and all of her fans. I don't know what planet you live on but if you think that your vision of the truth is indeed the truth, then you need to get your eyes checked.

BTW, no disrespect to anyone, I do love the curvy ladies.
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 115
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/28/2014 11:47:25 AM
Don Rickles and Danny Devito to Betty White and Queen Latifah? This argument is kind of disingenuous don't you think? Why not use Roseanne Barr or Rosie O'Donnell, seems a little more comparable.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 116
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/28/2014 2:31:23 PM
My understanding or at least what I am agreeing with is the following:

that most men think they are more attractive than they really are


I'm not sure where you're getting lost Patch. The argument is that most men exaggerate, not that there is a universally accepted measuring tool for such. Your examples and your "I do love curvy ladies" is throwing me off because that was not the argument.

For those arguing that women do the same, I'm going to pop that bubble right now. If any of you have ever picked up a woman's magazine and look at the cover, you will find articles on tips to please men, tips on losing weight, tips on being fashionable, beauty recipes, etc. At every direction, we are subliminally told there is much more that we need to do and be, just to "get a man". The magazines are not at all about the woman who is reading it, it essentially tells you what you need to do to please a man, not please themselves or be happy with themselves.

You pick up a man's magazine, and it's all about a man's personal and professional growth, how to have fun, beer gardens, how to use gym equipment, pictures of women who seem sexually suggestive in bikini, jokes, etc. Not one men's magazine have I seen instructing a man on how to make a woman happy, how to become a suitable partner, etc. Not one! It seems woman are the only ones in the obligation of molding themselves to attract, to select the man she wants.

If we are the ones who are being instructed, then what does that say about men? That they don't need to do anything, that just them being men is enough and there is nothing they have to do. The only way a man ever gets a clue that there might be something wrong is when he is unable to gain interest from a female or the female they prefer. Then and only then there might be some sort of reflection on what he may need to do or be in order to get said woman.

That's where I'm coming from when I agree with that statement.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 117
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/28/2014 6:35:06 PM
You pick up a man's magazine, and it's all about a man's personal and professional growth, how to have fun, beer gardens, how to use gym equipment, pictures of women who seem sexually suggestive in bikini, jokes, etc.


Men's magazines are more than just muscles and sex. They also talk about weight loss, eating healthy, improving a man's wardrobe / style etc.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 118
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/28/2014 8:07:01 PM

If any of you have ever picked up a woman's magazine and look at the cover, you will find articles on tips to please men, tips on losing weight, tips on being fashionable, beauty recipes, etc. At every direction, we are subliminally told there is much more that we need to do and be, just to "get a man". The magazines are not at all about the woman who is reading it, it essentially tells you what you need to do to please a man, not please themselves or be happy with themselves.


Those magazines are a terrible example. They're purposely made like that to get single desperate girls to by the magazine because it convinces you that pleasing a man is harder than just treating him like a human. If a guy wrote it: "Imagine everything you want from a guy in a relationship... Now do the same for him." Why don't we have that advice in our magazines? Because it's common sense. If you want to please the opposite sex, use the golden rule. It's really that simple. Approach the relationship as you being PARTNERS

It's both men and women that exaggerate how they look. There's quite a few regulars in these forums that do it. But there's also some on both sides that believe the magazines, or the enlargement pill ads.

And that whole thing on truth and perspective, the refute your thing about the tree falling in the forest:

Going by the frequency response of the human ear, a tree falling doesn't make a sound at all... Only hitting the ground does. Or snapping wood.

Scientifically, if the tree is moving, it's technically making a sound... Just like how waving your hand or blinking your eyes makes a sound.

Everything is up to perspective. There's way less "TRUTH" in the world than you'd think.
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 119
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/29/2014 8:46:27 AM
You mean I'm not a supermodel after all?! Say it's not so!
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 120
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History
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/29/2014 9:54:18 AM
^^^bellevintage

So true. The proof is in the research. Hundreds of millions...billions...spent on advertising in magazines, ads, articles.

We are products of social biology. We women are constantly trying to make ourselves attractive to men...then, when we nab one, to keep him. All about bonding, family and raising children, grandchildren. Men desire an attractive, sexual, 'nice' girl.

Men are about being the best to catch our attention, win us over and gain status to keep us. We women want a healthy, confident partner...a provider and protector for our children.

In modern society it all becomes a bit fuzzy. Lines blurred with various types of relationships, groups, social interaction. But in the end it is still basically a woman trying to be physically alluring and a man attracted to her and winning her over.....then the two trying to hold on to the other after bonding.

Yup, woman's magazines...how to attract a man and then how to keep him. The rest,...careers, single living, etc., is essentially politically correct filler. I go through a stack of these mags every month for decades...as have my daughters...Admit that, despite a successful career, I don't leave the house without my first though being how do I look whether in the the market for a man or not. How is my hair, my nails. My second date with my boyfriend was a a long hike in the mountains and even then I spent thinking about the 'just right' casual look. Pony tail or not? Pink top? Never ends...age of 7 to 97. Later asked my boyfriend what he remembers about most of our first dates...'your boobs'.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 121
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/29/2014 11:20:22 AM

Men's magazines are more than just muscles and sex. They also talk about weight loss, eating healthy, improving a man's wardrobe / style etc.

You must have missed the part where I said "personal and professional growth".

Those magazines are a terrible example. They're purposely made like that to get single desperate girls to by the magazine because it convinces you that pleasing a man is harder than just treating him like a human. If a guy wrote it: "Imagine everything you want from a guy in a relationship... Now do the same for him." Why don't we have that advice in our magazines? Because it's common sense. If you want to please the opposite sex, use the golden rule. It's really that simple. Approach the relationship as you being PARTNERS

Common sense is not common and judging by the numerous threads created by men on the same kinds of topics, I'd stay it holds. Judging by the rate of divorce, which according to research, women initiate more than men, I'd say we are selecting and terminating our selections.

I see it in a completely different light. If it's not in men's magazine but found in many women's magazines, it is because men's needs are thought of as superior to women's needs. We are still living in a world that has not completely withdrawn from being male dominated, and it wouldn't surprise me if the owner of that magazine, creator, or otherwise editor is a man.

The information or guidance is not missing from men's magazine because it's common sense, it's missing because it's not considered necessary. Day in and day out, there is some sort of article saying "what men think when they see you naked, what men think when they are going down on a women, what men think.......etc", and I'm just sitting in front of the screen thinking (with all due respect) do men even think? Is that a function available? Why is there so much emphasis on what they think when we do anything or say anything, when there is no counter point of what we think when they do what they do? So our thoughts are completely omitted and disregarded. Typical.

And no, I'm not attempting to "throw shade" or gender bash, I just find it interested how little things change over time and how information reaches us.


It's both men and women that exaggerate how they look. There's quite a few regulars in these forums that do it. But there's also some on both sides that believe the magazines, or the enlargement pill ads.

It's some men and women who exaggerate.

"Illusory superiority is a cognitive bias that causes people to overestimate their positive qualities and abilities and to underestimate their negative qualities, relative to others. This is evident in a variety of areas including intelligence, performance on tasks or tests, and the possession of desirable characteristics or personality traits. It is one of many positive illusions relating to the self, and is a phenomenon studied in social psychology.

Illusory superiority is often referred to as the above average effect. Other terms include superiority bias, leniency error, sense of relative superiority, the primus inter pares effect,[1] and the Lake Wobegon effect (named after Garrison Keillor's fictional town where "all the children are above average").[2] The phrase "illusory superiority" was first used by Van Yperen and Buunk in 1991.[1]" Wikipedia


And that whole thing on truth and perspective, the refute your thing about the tree falling in the forest:

Going by the frequency response of the human ear, a tree falling doesn't make a sound at all... Only hitting the ground does. Or snapping wood.

Scientifically, if the tree is moving, it's technically making a sound... Just like how waving your hand or blinking your eyes makes a sound.

Everything is up to perspective. There's way less "TRUTH" in the world than you'd think.

Go ahead and read it over, you just contradicted yourself.

ActiveMelaney,

Totally, it's almost like we should live in fear of losing a man if we are able to get one. Then have to worry about growing older and if the man will leave us for a younger woman, etc. Such concentration around men, it's pathetic.
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 122
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/29/2014 12:32:54 PM
[You pick up a man's magazine, and it's all about a man's personal and professional growth, how to have fun, beer gardens, how to use gym equipment, pictures of women who seem sexually suggestive in bikini, jokes, etc. Not one men's magazine have I seen instructing a man on how to make a woman happy, how to become a suitable partner, etc. Not one! It seems woman are the only ones in the obligation of molding themselves to attract, to select the man she wants.]


Well..maybe men use other resources other than magazines for in depth advice on dating. I tend to discuss dating and relationship matters with my older female and a female friend who is a few years older than me. They know me well enough and will give me advice based on that. Maybe the question to really ask is why are women relying on magazines for advice on how to attract a man.

By the way...take a look at Profiles Reviews and see who makes up the majority asking for advice I. How to improve their profiles. Feel free to draw the conclusion the majority of women write fantastic ads, but I'm sure most guys on here who have read "ask me", "make me laugh ", " I like to laugh" for the umpteenth time may offer a different opinion.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 123
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/29/2014 12:38:56 PM

Well..maybe men use other resources other than magazines for in depth advice on dating. I tend to discuss dating and relationship matters with my older female and a female friend who is a few years older than me. They know me well enough and will give me advice based on that. Maybe the question to really ask is why are women relying on magazines for advice on how to attract a man.


No one said women were relying on information from magazines, just like I never implied men relied on magazines for the information presented in them.

Maybe we all use an amenities of resources, I'm merely speaking about one venue that is blatant and available almost everywhere (internet, newsstand, airports, drug stores, waiting areas at doctor's office, etc).
 xeot
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 124
view profile
History
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/29/2014 3:55:57 PM
Conclusion: No one wants to hear the truth, so the truth shall not set you free, it shall shatter the illusion that rents space in your head.


Illusion busting is very socially unacceptable. I've learned that the hard way.


UK close to France?? I think the perception of what's close and far is different for europeans and americans, haha. But more than up for it! Very unlikely though.


France is a lot closer to the UK than Chicago is to NYC.

Common sense is not common and judging by the numerous threads created by men on the same kinds of topics, I'd stay it holds. Judging by the rate of divorce, which according to research, women initiate more than men, I'd say we are selecting and terminating our selections.


IME I would say so. I know it's not like that for everyone, but for me, it is. Job interview dating where every word, action, or lack there of is judged and weighed. Sadly that's how I've experienced dating many more times than not and really it's not particularly enjoyable.
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 125
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/29/2014 5:29:39 PM
[Common sense is not common and judging by the numerous threads created by men on the same kinds of topics, I'd stay it holds. Judging by the rate of divorce, which according to research, women initiate more than men, I'd say we are selecting and terminating our selections.]

With all this magazine talk, I think I'm going to start a magazine. Here's a few titles I'm kicking around...

Divorced Woman Weekly
Modern Divorce Woman
Hey Girl...Just In Case It Doesn't Work Out

Don't worry I won't be writing the articles just bank rolling the operation and collecting a check. I even have a few article suggestions....

50 ways to leave your lover
How to write the perfect dear john letter.
Text that soon to be ex..it's over.
It's me not you..who are we kidding of course it's you.

Matter of fact my new magazine will be right next to all of the 50 or so bridal magazines.
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