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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > To reply to generic messages or not??      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 126
To reply to generic messages or not??Page 6 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

With all this magazine talk, I think I'm going to start a magazine. Here's a few titles I'm kicking around...

Divorced Woman Weekly
Modern Divorce Woman
Hey Girl...Just In Case It Doesn't Work Out

Don't worry I won't be writing the articles just bank rolling the operation and collecting a check. I even have a few article suggestions....

50 ways to leave your lover
How to write the perfect dear john letter.
Text that soon to be ex..it's over.
It's me not you..who are we kidding of course it's you.

Matter of fact my new magazine will be right next to all of the 50 or so bridal magazines.


That's an excellent idea, holy crap, why didn't I think of that? (seriously)

Give me some prop for the inspiration though, 5% from profit margin is fair for the first year.

You forgot "how to break up with him in 10 easy ways", "how to make it him like it was his fault", "50 excuses not to sleep with him tonight", "25 ways to perform a bj in a way he won't ask you again", "how to break to it him: he has a small penis", "how to build a case for getting it all through divorce".

go for it man.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 127
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/29/2014 8:34:35 PM

You must have missed the part where I said "personal and professional growth".


I misread part of your post. I will you grant you that. But I still disagree with using men's magazines as proof that most men overrate their looks.
 Iam_RFSF2014
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 128
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/30/2014 5:57:03 AM

It's me not you..who are we kidding of course it's you.


How about:

"It's not you, it's me and my terrible taste in (wo)men"?

(See how I made that non-gender specific (which I understand is rarely in vogue here in the gender bashing extravaganza that is the PoF forums) but I STILL believe that both genders struggle with MANY of the same issues....)
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 129
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/30/2014 8:36:00 AM

I see it in a completely different light. If it's not in men's magazine but found in many women's magazines, it is because men's needs are thought of as superior to women's needs. We are still living in a world that has not completely withdrawn from being male dominated, and it wouldn't surprise me if the owner of that magazine, creator, or otherwise editor is a man.


Because men typically don't buy magazines as much as women. You're more likely to that that out to women that way because they usually are more likely to buy one.

Men, we get it on the internet. I couldn't even start to count how many ads I've seen to make it better, or keep it up longer. My spam folder is full of it, sometimes with creative ways to hide it, like randomly sticking the website link in the middle of a banana bread recipe.

We're just targeted in a different place.
 Iam_RFSF2014
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 130
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/30/2014 10:39:21 AM

Men, we get it on the internet. I couldn't even start to count how many ads I've seen to make it better, or keep it up longer.


But... is THAT performance improvement really being sold to benefit WOMEN or to benefit the guy? In other words: make it better for WHO?
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 131
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/30/2014 1:36:25 PM
“yet I've never heard a man describe himself as ‘below average’.”

Really, NDTFan? You can’t think of ONE guy in all of POF forum history that has referred to himself as below average? Not ONE? No guy that has ever claimed he’s in the “bottom 1%” of men? Not one at all?

“It works out well in most cases. Most women are accomplished enough that we can either take men or leave them. Increasingly, we're leaving them.”

Actually, there’s a lot of evidence many women are buzzards: circling around attractive men already in relationships with other women, waiting for that relationship to die so they can dive down and scoop up the carcasses... or, NOT waiting before all that happens. OR unwittingly getting involved with attractive men who are still in relationships. As I’ve said before, attractive men take a disproportionate number of women (attractive or not) off the market, leaving a significant imbalance of single men vs. single women. This, of course, has always been true, back into the days of when harems weren’t just for sheiks and Mormons, hence one reason female prostitution is so prevalent. Usually only much older women finally settle on a genuine “leave them” attitude. You know, after they’ve actually already been “left.”

“Yet, ask any of them, and not one of them would be interested in an ugly, dumb, bitter, angry, fat woman. You know, the exact same person they are.. but with a vagina.”

All right, NDTFan. I surrender. You are the expert. You tell me, based on my appearance and my profile, what women I should be contacting on this site, and I will cease contacting all other women, as I’m tired of being inefficient by presenting my $5 bill for a $40 shirt that is 3 sizes too small and sold out anyway. And you can’t cop out with “Only YOU can determine which women you should be writing,” because I’ve already admitted: I am an idiot and need your help, and you’ve already admitted, you know which women us men should be contacting (or NOT contacting). So I only want to contact women I have, by your expertise and apparent mind-reading skills, a chance with. Describe in great detail the female equivalent of HawkingJr, o’ wise one.

THIS WHOLE “MEN THINK MORE OF THEMSELVES THAN WOMEN DO” ARGUMENT: Perhaps that’s true, but it’s been proven quite a number of times that women think fewer men are attractive so arguably that cancels this factor out. Men are less critical of both themselves and women, while women are much more critical of themselves and men. See: blog.okc.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/ (replacing “okc” with the site’s full name). Men view women on a proper bell curve scale, which is pretty much what you’d expect in nature: that is, exactly half the women they see are above average in attractiveness, and exactly half the women they see are below average. Women, on the other hand, are substantially more judgmental and view 80% of men as below average (this is entirely physical attractiveness – has nothing to do with whether the guy has a job or a degree or treats women badly).

It’s actually pretty amazing that men do as well as they do with women given those stats. Since most women are in relationships, either they’re doing a lot of “settling” or they’re sharing a lot of men. (The counter argument to this is that women are more likely to be attracted to men for reasons other than actual physical attractiveness. Which we all know is true. Hence, even though the average woman may find 80% of men unattractive initially, once they get to know them...)
 patchjoker13
Joined: 8/24/2014
Msg: 132
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/1/2014 10:22:46 AM
The bottom line is that our society is more open to the diversity of women's varying body shapes and sizes versus the men. I am not saying that there is not unrealistic representations for both men and women, especially in magazines. The reason for this in regards to magazines is because they make money from advertizements. It is in their best interest to make us feel that we needs to buy this, or do that, to make us look and feel better. If the magazines told us that we are fine the way we are, there would not be as many products to sell us. But ,overall, there is still more appreciation for the natural beauty of women and their various representations. Marilyn Monroe was like a size 12 which is not big by any means but is not really skinny either and she is just as popular today as she ever was. Now that it is Halloween season, look online at costumes, they sell plenty of sexy costumes for plus size women. Look as a catalog for plus size women, you will see women of different sizes and shapes, all beautiful, but there is a variety of shapes. Look at plus size catalogs for men, all the men are either tall or muscular with very few if any overweight guys. Why do we have the identification of BBW, and we don't have BHM (big hansom man)? Why is there a multi-million dollar industry in pornography that caters to men who like large and obese women? Show me a male modeling picture with a guy without his shirt that does not have a six pack, better yet, find me one with a belly on him. I just did a search for plus size models and immediately pictures came up of women with bellies, larger legs, and hips , many of them wearing underwear. I personally think the pictures are beautiful but if there was an equal representation of men in those size ranges it would not be considered easy on the eyes. The day I walk by a plus size men's store and see a picture of a guy in the front window with his shirt off and he has a bit of a stomach, like you see today in front of women's plus size stores from time to tome, I will believe what some of you are saying. Until then what you say is just words and has no basis in reality.
 xeot
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 133
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/1/2014 6:03:34 PM

yet I've never heard a man describe himself as "below average".


I previously resisted responding to this, but since so many others are, why not?
There are a number of things where I am below average and I've put some of them in online dating profiles. Do I come right out and say it's below average? no. I don't come right out and say the above average things are so either. The reader can figure both out.


They change their game plan from sending well-thought out messages to "quality" women to sending crappy messages to "quality" women.


Well what I did was go from sending well thought out messages to quality women to not sending out any at all. But the reality is that the numbers game works if one's objective is simply to get dates. The well thought out messages are the 'put all your money on one number' approach. The spew of simple messages takes the same total effort but has a higher chance of success. Like putting a little money on as many numbers as possible. Refusal to do it is a personal choice.
 NotElvisJunior
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 134
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History
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/3/2014 9:08:10 AM
BelleVintage wrote:


You can reply to generic messages with generic answers:
Q: "What's up?"
A: "the ceiling"


ROFL!!! I have used that reply to that question (in person, among friends, etc) WAY more times than I can count!

NDTfan wrote:


Seriously, all I hear on these forums from these men is how they don't have looks going for them, or finances, or a sense of humour, or a good personality, or intelligence, or any of the other things that make a good partner and how it's shallow of women for not dating them.


Yeah, I'm seeing the word "or" between each of those adjectives, but somehow you're coming off as "and" - the end of your sentence makes it sound like guys are claiming to have NONE of these attributes.

Nobody is going to have everything. But don't confuse missing ONE trait with missing everything.

Because you then follow up with:
NDTfan wrote:


Yet, ask any of them, and not one of them would be interested in an ugly, (and) dumb, (and) bitter, (and) angry, (and) fat woman.


There. Just clarified how the grammar works. You're describing a hypothetical guy who is missing ONE of a list of traits, yet then with "or any of the other things... " etc. saying he has NO redeeming qualities, AND THEN and calling him on the carpet for not being interested in a woman who, in YOUR description of her, has ZERO redeeming qualities?

Is your standard really that a guy MUST have no flaws, MUST have ALL the qualities a woman wants, but any single imperfection means he's wrong for not dealing with a woman who is ugly, AND dumb, AND bitter, AND angry, AND fat?

That sounds like a pretty horrific double standard.


As an aside, I take issue with fat being used as a negative trait, as well. Fat does not necessarily mean unattractive, and slim does not necessarily mean attractive.

I have seen slim women I'm attracted to.
I have seen fat women I'm attracted to.
I have seen slim women I found unattractive.
I have seen fat women I found unattractive.
*shrug* - I know what I like when I see it. So do most people.


dgcadiz wrote:


1+1=10 or 1+1=2, it simply depends on the assumptions or perspective that you are using.

Ha, binary! Love it!
 xeot
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 135
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History
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/3/2014 4:44:15 PM
Is your standard really that a guy MUST have no flaws, MUST have ALL the qualities a woman wants, but any single imperfection means he's wrong for not dealing with a woman who is ugly, AND dumb, AND bitter, AND angry, AND fat?


That's online dating in a nutshell. I would put a smiley here, but really, one and out is the way it's been for me. I've turned it on its head though and found the best way to reject a woman I've been conversing with. It is to let her know the one thing about me that goes against her list of requirements. She will reject me and thus won't feel bad.
 oldfashmntman
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 136
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/3/2014 6:37:41 PM
I reply to all correspondence generic or not, barring oversight.

I generally reply to generic with Hi (name or username) thanks for the note, do you have any questions for me?

Longer notes generally get more lengthy detailed replies of some kind.

OFMM
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 137
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/4/2014 11:03:51 PM
Seriously, all I hear on these forums from these men is how they don't have looks going for them, or finances, or a sense of humour, or a good personality, or intelligence, or any of the other things that make a good partner and how it's shallow of women for not dating them.

Yet, ask any of them, and not one of them would be interested in an ugly, dumb, bitter, angry, fat woman. You know, the exact same person they are.. but with a vagina. You see, THEY can't help being attracted to hot women. But they sure like to complain when women have any standards at all.


Well here's the difference. Here's my honest standards: Have goals that you're working towards. Be honest. Don't cheat. And we actually enjoy spending time with each other. That's it, that's all I need from a girl.

Notice how you brought up money, looks, sense of humor, "other things that make a good partner". And that's the difference that you're missing in the guys bringing up these "standards" and calling them shallow. Because NONE of that is the person. That's nothing about how they think, how they act, how they carry themselves, what they like to do in their free time, how they are with kids... It's how much can they buy you, can they keep you laughing, and are your friends going to be jealous.

So really tell me, which of the two are shallow? The guy who's just looking for an equal that we enjoy each other's company, or the hypothetical girl who won't date us because we only making in the 40ks instead of 50s?

You have a distorted view on what a good partner is. It's not the hot guy that buys you everything while you can never stop laughing...
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 138
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/4/2014 11:23:13 PM
If a guy looks attractive then I would give him a chance to say more than just hello. Men typically have to trawl through great numbers before they get any response and often just hit a pic they fancy, that is all.
 sun_and_cinnamon
Joined: 7/18/2014
Msg: 139
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/5/2014 3:25:28 AM
In response to message 20-

So is a woman 'picky' and 'demanding' because more than half the emails she gets and does NOT want to respond to are men looking for something 'casual and no comittment' (when we are not) or a hook up (and with anyone- doesn't exactly scream respect to me)?? How about the men with the shirtless pictures in their profiles with their pants so low I'm about to see their nether regions, or the ones kneeling down next to some fancy expensive car(so impressive), or the nasty cigarette hanging out of their mouth (but hey they selected 'non smoker')?? Not to mention some of them don't even have two lines of text....more like one word or a bunch of nonsense....really gives us something to work with. It's just a human candy store for these 'types', and there is no real underlying interest at least from what I gather. So is that the type an 'average' woman should 'settle' for just because she may not be getting 100s of emails?
 NDTfan
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 140
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/5/2014 10:32:00 AM

No, she just call all men liars, players or time wasters, and then goes looking for "the last gentleman" or wonders if there are any nice guys out here. Yes, there are probably nice guys out there...and are running away from her.


That's because we've run into so many men that I like to call "faux players"... men who should be grateful for any action pretending like they're the second coming of Fabio. If you don't like that women have learned to be cautious of men, then talk to the men about it.



While I don't say that's false, that could also be applied to women, instead that they delude themselves into thinking they are the last Coke of the desert.


What does that have to do with the topic? You can't point and say "OH YEAH! WELL, THEY DO IT TOO!".


I met delusional men ALLLLLL the time. You know how I know they're delusional? They go swaggering up the prettiest girl in the bar, use a half-baked line, and then get mean because she doesn't think he's as awesome as he thinks he is.

I know a man who is in his mid-50's with a belly so big he looks like he's about to tip forward. He's an alcoholic (the type who's so far gone that he has tremors when he stops and has had to be hospitalized/sent to detox). He wouldn't be able to take care of himself even if he tried; which he won't (went from a mother who did everything for him, to a wife who did everything for him until she realized what a drain he was). He's passive-aggressive and likes to point out the "flaws" of every woman around him, then pretend he's joking if they get offended. He's probably the most unlikeable person in the world. He's now homeless, smells permanently like booze and BO and spends his days scoping malls for "young ones". He claims that a woman had better prove herself or he's not going to go on dates, he's not going to go out of his way for any woman, etc.

He tried to complain to me ONCE about how hard it was for him to "find a good woman". I guarantee he'll never make that mistake again.


On the other hand, I've seen exactly ONE unrealistic woman. She's built like a linebacker with a face like Milton Berle's. She's in her 40's and tries to squeeze into clothes meant for teenagers. She doesn't cook, doesn't clean, her kids are being raised by X-Boxes, and she spends her money doing her hair and tanning. She smokes 3 packs a day, and audibly chews the things that come up off her lungs.. hawking and swallowing chunks of whateverthef*ckitis. Her sister looks like a fairy princess, owns a business, knows 3 languages and takes classes on cooking, organizing, photography, etc. She learned French and Spanish just so she can help her children with their homework. Her husband makes a decent living and they go on vacations together all the time. Just the other day, he showed up at the house with tickets to the Bahamas "just because".

Older sis is livid and hates her sister.... claiming how it's "not fair" that that bish has all the luck. How it's not fair that guys like her brother in law won't have anything to do with her. Sound familiar?




I also find the average thing very funny, as if there was some sort of scale of people who are "Good", "bad" and "average". Isn't that a bit simplistic?


It's common sense, and has nothing to do with being a "good" or "bad" person.... well, in most cases. Here, let me help you out since it's SO difficult.

Man who takes care of himself, of his kids, has a job where the basics are covered and every once in a while he can treat himself or others, is smart, funny, attentive, etc = ABOVE AVERAGE

Man who is obese due to pure laziness, sees his kids rarely even though they live in the same city, who has to roll pennies to cover the last meal before the next paycheck and HAS NO INTENTION OF EVER DOING ANY BETTER, who is whiny, petulant, passive-aggressive, and is completely unable to accept his limitations (to the point of blaming anyone and anything around him) = BELOW AVERAGE

What we see here are a lot of below average men refusing to accept anything less than above average (even expecting thin is expecting "above average" btw, since 80 percent of women are overweight to obese). This is not a reasonable expectation for the average man, since there aren't enough thin women to go around.


And if you are only attracted to thin, and are unwilling or unable to be the type of man thin women (or any women for that matter) I don't have a whole lot of sympathy because it's hard for you to get laid.



Scientific definition nof the word "physically fit"? Ha, I'd like to see that definition.



According to the President's Council on Fitness, Sports and Nutrition, the definition of physically fit is being fit enough to do day to day activities. They even have charts and sh*t.

My grandfather died at 68 with a six-pack. He got up at 4 every morning hauling logs, splitting wood, etc. He built the house all 14 of his children grew up in. He did every repair around the house... the man never stopped moving. Most men I meet now are winded walking up the stairs.




How do you know that? Have you run some sort of statistical study to get to that conclusion? Or is it only your perception of things?




It's hard data... a certain other free dating site did all my work for me.



http://blog..com/index.php/the-case-for-an-older-woman/


He even named a chart showing men's messaging habits "The Tides of Longing". Hahahaha....




http://blog..com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/



Men are "fighting" each other 2 to 1 for the "top 1/3" of women. Women who in all likelihood want nothing to do with either of these men.




http://blog..com/index.php/online-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message/


See what a "hi" gets you? If anything more than "hi" is soul-crushingly difficult for you, and you know it's not going to get an answer, then where does it leave you?


Dateless, and being laughed at by someone who thinks you have absolutely no common sense at the very least.




Jeez, I swear, the temperature must have dropped 30 degrees in here!

Brrrrr.....



Ah yes. When a man asserts himself and doesn't sugarcoat it he's confident and alpha. A woman does it, and she's a cold, frigid bish.

I'm not interested in your sexist attempt to paint me as someone with a personality flaw because I don't twirl my hair and apologize while I'm stating the truth. Shove it.



I often refuse to meet men telling them they're too attractive for me. I have to admit this often comes as a surprise to them, they tell me they've never heard this before. I have no problems with my confidence or self esteem, I'm able to look in the mirror and see what other's see.


Haha, I've done this. It happened with the guy I'm seeing now. The first time he sent me a message he had his pro photos up. I told him that I was flattered but he's intimidatingly hot so I'd have to take a pass. A year later, he sent me another message with "Over it yet?". He's turned out to be amazing.

I think it's because for too long I bought the press from ugly men about how it's shallow for me to not want them, and how men who are better than them in any way are all *insert insult here*




To all the ladies who are saying that most men think they are more attractive than they really are, I find this totally hypocritical. We live in a society that has a way larger of an appreciation for the diversity of women's looks and appearance than we do for men. I'm going to prove it to you. Today almost all women, young and old, different body sizes, facial looks, are identified as being beautiful in their own way. Watch any talk show and listen when they introduce female celebrities. It is always "the beautiful Betty White", "the sexy Queen Latifah", and "the cute this, and wonderful that". Do you ever hear them say "the handsome Don Rickles will be joining us tonight", or "we have a special quest, the sexy Danny Devito". You don't hear that stuff very often because there is a different standard when addressing the appearance of men versus women.


That's because men aren't judged on how they look to the extent that women are. Even the most accomplished women are listened to or dismissed based on how they look. If an ugly man is a CEO, he'll get further with an audience than a pretty woman with more education and experience.

Where the f*ck have you been?



If we are the ones who are being instructed, then what does that say about men? That they don't need to do anything, that just them being men is enough and there is nothing they have to do. The only way a man ever gets a clue that there might be something wrong is when he is unable to gain interest from a female or the female they prefer. Then and only then there might be some sort of reflection on what he may need to do or be in order to get said woman.


*applause*

(Or they'll complain to everyone that there's nothing wrong, it's that woman have standards, you see, and that's the only thing standing in his way).



Well..maybe men use other resources other than magazines for in depth advice on dating.




You mean like the POF forums, where they ask women questions then argue with the answers? Or point out that it's okay to do what they do because some members of the opposite sex do it? Or call women names or make sly inferences about their mental state because they won't sugarcoat the truth to the extent that the actual meaning is being lost? Who feel victimized because they're judging themselves and their virility by what the woman bouncing on his d*ck looks like, and can't get one "hawt" enough?




Really, NDTFan? You can’t think of ONE guy in all of POF forum history that has referred to himself as below average? Not ONE? No guy that has ever claimed he’s in the “bottom 1%” of men? Not one at all?




I've seen it, but in the context I saw it it was a passive-aggressive response from someone who was actually pointing out that it "must be" that way... not because he believed it, but because that's how those stupid wimmenz saw him.


As for the rest, it's something you have to figure out. Take stock of what you're looking for, and what you can provide. If you can't give a woman the same thing you want from her, keep looking. And if you can't ever find it, recognize that you're aiming too high. This isn't Kindergarten, you shouldn't need things spelled out for you.




Yeah, I'm seeing the word "or" between each of those adjectives, but somehow you're coming off as "and" - the end of your sentence makes it sound like guys are claiming to have NONE of these attributes.



"Somehow" I'm "coming off".... this is your interpretation. I'm not responsible for what you imagine.

The men I'm directing my comments at (the ones with nothing going for them who are outraged that woman SEE that they have nothing going for them and want nothing to do with them) really don't have a lot going for them. The things listed are negatives (and yes, even obesity. No woman wants a man who lives his life from the couch; no woman wants to bury her husband at 45. It might not be a measure of the person you are, but it's definitely a measure of how much time I'll have to spend with you; barring an accident).

When you combine the negatives with an incredibly sh*tty attitude.... well, you're dead in the water. So whose fault is that really? Yours (generic yours) or the woman who don't want to sacrifice themselves to a life spent with an angry bitter man so that you can get what you want?



Is your standard really that a guy MUST have no flaws, MUST have ALL the qualities a woman wants, but any single imperfection means he's wrong for not dealing with a woman who is ugly, AND dumb, AND bitter, AND angry, AND fat?


No, stop making sh*t up.


What I'm saying is that women have dealbreakers. The more of these dealbreakers you have, the smaller the number of women willing to overlook them. And if you have them all, don't sit there shaming other people because the ONLY defense you have against wanting something but not willing to actually be the type to DESERVE it is that it's "not nice". If you're counting on political correctness to get you laid.... you're going to keep never getting laid.



Well here's the difference. Here's my honest standards: Have goals that you're working towards. Be honest. Don't cheat. And we actually enjoy spending time with each other. That's it, that's all I need from a girl.

Notice how you brought up money, looks, sense of humor, "other things that make a good partner". And that's the difference that you're missing in the guys bringing up these "standards" and calling them shallow. Because NONE of that is the person. That's nothing about how they think, how they act, how they carry themselves, what they like to do in their free time, how they are with kids... It's how much can they buy you, can they keep you laughing, and are your friends going to be jealous.

So really tell me, which of the two are shallow? The guy who's just looking for an equal that we enjoy each other's company, or the hypothetical girl who won't date us because we only making in the 40ks instead of 50s?

You have a distorted view on what a good partner is. It's not the hot guy that buys you everything while you can never stop laughing...



If that's all you wanted from a woman, you'd have one.


I want to want to f*ck the guy I'm seeing. I want him to have enough money so that when I go out for a night on the town, he can come with me. I want to never have to skip a meal or sell my car to make rent. I want to enjoy my time with him, which means that he can crack a joke, TAKE a joke, and not be as dumb as a stump. I want a guy who isn't going to spend the night complaining about how he doesn't want to be there, doesn't want to do that, or how I should be grateful because he's willing to do "so much" when I do more than that for him on a regular basis. I want a man who never makes promises he doesn't intend to keep, and can admit when he's wrong.

If that's "asking too much" from any man then I'm perfectly willing to take a pass on men altogether. How sad is it that so few men can actually meet such "impossible" standards.

But you know what? I keep meeting men who tell me over and over how any of these (and most interestingly ALWAYS the one thing he doesn't have) is shallow and how I should f*ck him anyway. Just a bunch of slimy snake oil salesmen.. ick.

I actually got a message on facebook this week from a guy I gave my number to a couple of years ago. We never did go on a date (because he is under the impression that a date is a commitment on par with marriage and he needs to give women a sexual audition to see if she's worth taking out in public). I stopped replying to him.... now he thinks he's OWED another chance because if he'd "known that (I) was the type to insist on respect, (he) would have respected (me)". That's right. I should f*ck him because I made a mistake by not giving him enough information to fake being a decent human being.....




She is picky and demanding because for some reason, I don't know why, she feels entitled to ask men to be a very narrow and specific way, like original, to not only say just "Hi", or to have pics, or to be "confident, honest, positive, open minded, funny, intelligent, active, caring, ambitious, creative, interesting and shares some common interests to me. Particularly travel, music and food" (that's a real example) in order for men to be blessed with her company.


She's not asking men to be anything; as a matter of fact, having a profile isn't asking ANYTHING of men. This is where you're all twisted up. She's looking for a man like that. Whether or not she can get a man like that is another story, but that's really none of your business.

It's like you guys are looking at the women here as offering up something to YOU specifically, and making YOU jump through hoops to get it. When really, she's just casting a net, hoping to find a guy like that.



Here's a sports analogy. If you don't practice, don't exercise, can't catch, can't throw, and trip over your own feet, would you keep trying out for the pro teams? Would you stand outside the stadium tearing down all the players who can do all the things you can't? Would you b*tch at how shallow the fans are because they're cheering for them and not you? Then why would you expect relationships to be any different.

Some men just aren't good at "getting women".... some of these men learn from experience and change things up. And some (like the men I'm directing my comments at) will just sit there, doing the same stupid sh*t, and expecting a miracle.


Like a guy with cancer refusing chemo and depending on prayers..... then getting mad because the cancer keeps growing....
 fuglygirl
Joined: 8/28/2014
Msg: 141
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/5/2014 11:56:51 AM
NOT directed to any specific poster (so chill out, please? if you can..) there is certainly a lot 0f anger out there..it would likely help everyone (including the holder of the anger) to chill a bit..do you think you are changing the world by being furious at it? hating the world or at least most people in it? Or at least, most people of the opposite gender?

basically no one cares about your anger, hate, whatever. I used to be full of hate & anger & it really never got me anywhere..I noticed no appreciable change in the world around me except maybe people avoided me more

everyone says be honest, so it IS OK to say[ yes your butt looks fat in those pants?
or the way you eat bothers me, or your snoring or whatever? lol
 NoBuddies_Fool
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 142
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Posted: 10/5/2014 11:58:18 AM
NTD

I want to want to f*ck the guy I'm seeing. I want him to have enough money so that when I go out for a night on the town, he can come with me. I want to never have to skip a meal or sell my car to make rent. I want to enjoy my time with him, which means that he can crack a joke, TAKE a joke, and not be as dumb as a stump. I want a guy who isn't going to spend the night complaining about how he doesn't want to be there, doesn't want to do that, or how I should be grateful because he's willing to do "so much" when I do more than that for him on a regular basis. I want a man who never makes promises he doesn't intend to keep, and can admit when he's wrong.

You truly... have a way with words, that I admire.....can I save this and maybe use in a profile down the road??
It's called compatibility...irl.

RT....what you stated...you just generalized more but more or less the same....imo.

Well here's the difference. Here's my honest standards: Have goals that you're working towards. Be honest. Don't cheat. And we actually enjoy spending time with each other. That's it, that's all I need from a girl
 Vohaul
Joined: 2/20/2014
Msg: 143
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Posted: 10/5/2014 4:03:46 PM
A couple of things here.

Granted, I do not receive as many messages as women do, but I do get a lovely ratio of things that are thought out to "hi."

I ignore the most of these as well, unless there's just an absolutely lovely profile behind it. I did ask one gal why she sent something like that and her response makes a certain amount of surface sense when applied to either gender; there are so many non-replies that it doesn't feel worthwhile to make any effort in the initial writing of a thing. That also makes more sense of what I formerly considered these insipid face-rating games (I still think they are, mostly, and appreciate sites that include at least a snippet of the profile).

That said, a decent paragraph at minimum is still kind of a requisite. I've been taken with the occasional profile, written something just dash lovely, my own opinion of course, and gotten nothing. My own effort and idiocy goes into this at the end of the day, of course, so I don't take it personal.

I would guess... GUESS... that a lot of these people sending you the canned message are people who haven't had much luck with well thought out messages, either, and have just figured on playing the hard, stark numbers.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 144
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/5/2014 4:23:27 PM

I want to want to f*ck the guy I'm seeing. I want him to have enough money so that when I go out for a night on the town, he can come with me. I want to never have to skip a meal or sell my car to make rent. I want to enjoy my time with him, which means that he can crack a joke, TAKE a joke, and not be as dumb as a stump. I want a guy who isn't going to spend the night complaining about how he doesn't want to be there, doesn't want to do that, or how I should be grateful because he's willing to do "so much" when I do more than that for him on a regular basis. I want a man who never makes promises he doesn't intend to keep, and can admit when he's wrong.


Stuff like that is completely reasonable, to an extent. It depends on things like timing.

Like the going out on the town thing. That's somewhere that a lot of guys can't win. I gross between 40 and 50k a year. But out of that money, I'm paying for my own home, car, gas, food, bills, everything you have to pay for when you're grown up, while doing it in one of the most expensive states in the country. My rent for a one bedroom apartment is more than some people here are paying for a house and a yard. I don't have the disposable income to just go out like that. It doesn't mean I can't date, but the girl isn't going to be wined and dined like that until we're living together. But this is where too many girls don't want to look. Week to week, yeah, I'm living paycheck to paycheck, but I'm also doing it on my own. No roommates, nobody to help me pay my bills. Down the line when it comes to someone moving in and splitting those bills... well now I have the money to buy you anything you want. Alone, my income isn't that much, but sharing a home, that's good money.

And that's where worrying about money and stuff will make a girl shallow. It's not about being financially stable, there's no thought about the reality that if we decide to get married, I can buy her a Lexus, it's all about what she can get out of me NOW. And that's how I know the shallow ones. They're only looking at what money I have available right now. They don't want me, they want someone who can take them out so they can live an exciting life on somebody else's paycheck.
 NotElvisJunior
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 145
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Posted: 10/5/2014 8:26:56 PM
NDT: I was trying to be a bit gentler with the language, but, fine. Put directly, I am not imagining, nor making anything up. Re-read, objectively, what you wrote that I referenced. As written, it has a particular meaning, and therefore speaks in support of a double standard.

If you didn't mean it that way, then fine, clarification works.


rockin-trucker: being practically your neighbor (ok, well, 45 minutesdown the AC Expressway, but close enough), I empathize. It's REALLY freakin' expensive here!
 xeot
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 146
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Posted: 10/5/2014 10:32:27 PM

So really tell me, which of the two are shallow? The guy who's just looking for an equal that we enjoy each other's company, or the hypothetical girl who won't date us because we only making in the 40ks instead of 50s?


50k? I should move to where you are. Here it's a 100K and even then be in debt to have nice things :) I am joking. A little.


On the other hand, I've seen exactly ONE unrealistic woman.


There are a lot more of them online. Women who offer nothing but burdens looking for a man who can carry those burdens. Maybe it's just my area, but I doubt it.


Man who takes care of himself, of his kids, has a job where the basics are covered and every once in a while he can treat himself or others, is smart, funny, attentive, etc = ABOVE AVERAGE... What we see here are a lot of below average men refusing to accept anything less than above average (even expecting thin is expecting "above average" btw, since 80 percent of women are overweight to obese). This is not a reasonable expectation for the average man, since there aren't enough thin women to go around.


I find this amusing. According to this I need to increase my expectations. Maybe go from 'big boobs' to 'thin and big boobs' ;) (yes, that's a joke), but really if only women judged men by what they say they judge men by and the last thing I would need is an online dating site. I'd be in like Flint. Speaking of Flint, James Coburn is the only actor I've been said to look like (when he was my age of course) and it takes a movie script to make up for that. :)

Seriously I've found the judgments to be on every little thing and then to very fine measure. I've even done my own experiment on another site with regards to height after repeated rejections for being too tall. It's just amazing. You may not believe it, but I've experienced it first hand.


My grandfather died at 68 with a six-pack. He got up at 4 every morning hauling logs, splitting wood, etc. He built the house all 14 of his children grew up in. He did every repair around the house... the man never stopped moving. Most men I meet now are winded walking up the stairs.


Women aren't interested in self-sufficient men like that any more best I can tell. I'm one of them. (no six pack because my job is mostly intellectual, not physical labor, but I still do everything myself) It's now apparently considered being 'cheap'.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 147
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Posted: 10/6/2014 6:22:55 AM
I met delusional men ALLLLLL the time. ...On the other hand, I've seen exactly ONE unrealistic woman.


There are people from both genders that have unrealistic expectations. Just look at long list of rigid requirements on some women's profiles as an example.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 148
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Posted: 10/6/2014 8:40:05 AM

I've seen it, but in the context I saw it it was a passive-aggressive response from someone who was actually pointing out that it "must be" that way... not because he believed it, but because that's how those stupid wimmenz saw him.


As for the rest, it's something you have to figure out. Take stock of what you're looking for, and what you can provide. If you can't give a woman the same thing you want from her, keep looking. And if you can't ever find it, recognize that you're aiming too high. This isn't Kindergarten, you shouldn't need things spelled out for you.


Well no one is suppose to feel that they're below average and ugly, when they happens they settle for the worst person ever instead of improving their lives and dating someone positive. There's being realistic about your looks and your worth as an person but you're at least suppose to carry yourself as if you are an 10. You don't have to be**** but you at least have to have some confidence about yourself and how you see yourself isn't how everyone else sees you.

For the longest I thought of myself as being average looking and treated my dating lifestyle as such, I took no risks because why should I? The cute girl in my class was way out of my league and she would just say no anyway so what's the point? In the end it's an stupid way of thinking because I do have shit to offer. And I missed out on a ton of opportunities in high school and freshman year in college because of self-esteem issues which I tried to justify as being "realistic"
 xeot
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 149
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Posted: 10/6/2014 6:03:15 PM

Sure. If you're complaining about living in an expensive area because so many other people just like you are willing to pay up to live there, then you should definitely vote with your feet and take an equivalent pay cut to go along with it instead of suggesting that the person who said '50k' is being kind of puny. I thought you said you were self-sufficient, but not cheap.


I wasn't complaining about being in an expensive area. Didn't say or suggest anyone was 'puny'. Do you always project so much into things? I cracked a joke. Even marked it with ;) and text. Lighten up Francis. And it's a joke about the expectations of some women more than the expense of the area. Believe me, if I lived up to the expectations of some of the women around here I'd be up to my eyeballs in debt like some I knew who had to please their wives with big houses in right neighborhoods and such.

As to this and the rest, I don't know how I set you off, it seems you just want to get some digs in for some reason. I wasn't even replying to you nor did I disparage anyone personally. I am guessing rather than not reading for context or comprehension you were intentionally missing the point. But in case it was the former, please re-read and you'll note you've misinterpreted everything.

By the way, Coburn isn't a good looking guy and neither am I. same big lower lip, big head, ears sticking out, etc. The movie script joke should have clued you in. Remember Flint was James Bond -parody-. But just for you, An older photo of me in a tux and I found a pic of Coburn in a tux, with nearly the same expression. Hope that satisfies you. I'll leave it there for a little while before removing it.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 150
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Posted: 10/6/2014 10:17:16 PM
Seems this has turned into yet ANOTHER male/female gender bashing so much so, that I had to actually go back and see what the original content of the thread was! lol

Firstly, I just want to say on my own behalf, as a woman, that despite the loudness of other women's remarks, not ALL women think the same way nor believe the same things about men. We are individuals after all, but humans have this funny habit of looking for patterns and categories for things, and men and women have been doing it for millenia...with each other...
It's really simple for me...If a guy writes to me, regardless of the message,unless overtly sexual or crude, the first thing I do is look at his profile, If he has the basics of what I,personally, am looking for, is attractive TO ME, has no or only older children and is NOT looking to have more,is an appropriate age for me, is divorced and/or single AND actually offers pertinent info about himself in his profile, instead of "I'll fill this out later" or "I don't know what to write", then I will usually respond in kind...A "Hi", gets a "Hi", right back...A "How are you today?" Usually gets a "Fine, and yourself?" and then I see where it goes from there...
Do I expect Kurt Vonnegut on the other end of the communication? No, and if he even KNOWS who that IS, it's just a pleasant surprise to discover during the course of getting to know him...But he SHOULD be able to keep a conversation going to SOME degree after the first response or else be willing to move it to the phone if he's not the literate type...

As for income etc. Yes I can see that being a concern for younger women who may be looking for providers for their own existing children, or future ones... I mean come on now folks...while many women work and make good incomes, I don't know of many, including myself who want to end up supporting a guy any more than I would expect them to support me...

If men want to deem that shallow behaviour well, I don't think that's the same as a woman who wants whatever you can give her and will ultimately suck you dry before moving on to the next victim! And there ARE those women out there, I know of more than a few...But equality being what it IS,I can say that I've seen JUST as many men looking for a "free ride", too...
I think you have to get away from categorizing men and women in general terms and just take each person as they come...and hopefully you'll run into someone who is doing the same.
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