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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > To reply to generic messages or not??      Home login  
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 xeot
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 184
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To reply to generic messages or not??Page 9 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

Wow, does it REALLY take 20 minutes to send a creative, well thought out message? I'm surprised by that estimate.


It's the entire process starting with combing through profiles and ending with proof reading a message. I may be over estimating for illustrative purposes, but even at a few minutes it would illustrate the point that was made. It's the difference between being selective and broadcasting. Seems life on this planet tends more to the later than the former.

Then again maybe I'm just a slow writer.... but if I don't take that time the tone ends up all wrong all too often.
 NDTfan
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 185
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/21/2014 8:40:48 PM

You're missing the point.


No, you're missing the point. The biggest problem with men who use this approach is that they're not taking into account the woman in question. You can up your response rate by messaging the women most likely to message you back; and realizing that sometimes it's just not gonna happen.

If you like Nascar, pizza and tailgating parties where you drink until you puke up your breakfast do you really think you're going to get a message back from a woman who reads, doesn't drink and hates sports? If you're 70 and she's 20, who's wasting whose time really? If she's slim and active and you're so big you're immobile do you think a "bed date" at your house is in the cards?

Of course not, but that doesn't matter to a lot of men. All that they seem to think is necessary for a relationship is that he'd totally pop a boner and stick it in her. If I got a message from a man and he had nothing n common with me at all I just figured that he was illiterate. If he was delusional about his body type, I figured that he has some soft of a mental issue where he has to live in fantasy because reality is too hard to bear; and that I would have to put alot of work into tip toeing around the truth.No thanks.

And that's where the whole "you won't win the lottery if you don't take a chance" bullsh*t comes into play. It's fine if you're content with the results you get; it's not if you spew your disappointment all over her (or hers plural). It's also not fine when a WHOLE LOT of the bitter bros decide to retaliate by becoming abusive or by disparaging the competition; since they have so little going for them sabotage is the only thing they have left. And it's REALLY not fine if you use it to justify ruining someone else's OLD experience because if you're not going to get what you want, then nobody else is either.


Now - and perhaps here is the key - if you can't FIND any fact on someone's profile that strikes a chord, because you actually have nothing in common, but you think the person is attractive? Then maybe the chances they'll respond to anything is low for a reason?


You've nailed it, but you're being too subtle. I think men who don't pay attention to profiles and message on pics alone aren't actually interested in that woman as a person; he's only interested in a pretty toy to sleep with. And they're pissed because women catch on to that right away.
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 186
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/22/2014 6:19:24 AM
I actually just wrote about this on another forum. I have been doing this OLD for a decade. I used to answer the Hi! and How are you? messages because I still thought that was the right thing to do (respond to EVERY message). I quickly learned that it was only the very rare case where it led to any sort of actual correspondence. Why waste everyone's time?

You answer with a hello to them or tell them how you are and perhaps pick something out of there profile and ask a question about it. Most of the time you don't get a response. If you do get a response it is just as lame. One of the favorites of these types is to ask how OLD is working for you/if you have had any luck. *yawn* That has to be one of the most overused initial or follow-up messages.

A man that would be able to interest and intrigue me in real life would also be able to write a short message that did the same. I don't care for a novel or to have a man's profile copied onto the message. Pick one thing based on my profile and mention it or ask a question about it. That isn't hard. It is what I do when I write to men. If you can't find anything to ask about or mention then... why are you messaging me? If I read a man's profile and all he has is a nice photo(s) but nothing that I can ask about I don't bother. I don't understand the argument of "but her profile was blank/lame". That is on you. Why would you write someone who has no content? What were you expecting?
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 187
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/22/2014 6:34:08 AM
You answer with a hello to them or tell them how you are and perhaps pick something out of there profile and ask a question about it. Most of the time you don't get a response. If you do get a response it is just as lame. One of the favorites of these types is to ask how OLD is working for you/if you have had any luck. *yawn* That has to be one of the most overused initial or follow-up messages.


I have responded to "How are you? initial emails and got subsequent emails that were longer and contained more information. I have also responded to well written first emails and never heard from that person again. I don't think the type of initial email is a general indicator of how articulate or lazy or interested someone is.
 gingham7
Joined: 7/26/2014
Msg: 188
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/22/2014 7:32:37 AM
If I was using OLD, "Hi" or "How are you?" or some other generic message wouldn't bother me for the first email. My decision for initial interest would largely be based on his pictures and what is written on the profile. But if the follow up emails don't have more substance, then I would lose interest.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 189
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/22/2014 8:42:43 AM

A man that would be able to interest and intrigue me in real life would also be able to write a short message that did the same. I don't care for a novel or to have a man's profile copied onto the message. Pick one thing based on my profile and mention it or ask a question about it. That isn't hard. It is what I do when I write to men. If you can't find anything to ask about or mention then... why are you messaging me?


Bingo!! And right here above is the simple formula to getting women to respond to guys. Of course if the guy uses the "Hi.." with nothing else, he better be good looking and then have a great follow up email.
 NoBuddies_Fool
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 190
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/22/2014 9:03:12 AM
This is the correct answer, just in case anyone was in doubt


Bingo!! And right here above is the simple formula to getting women to respond to guys

I don't think there is a correct answer.
My experience is on any given day...I may repond to a "hi" if the pictures look great or if the profile reads sincere.
But on another day..maybe I won't...even if the guy looks great and same circumstances...It may come across as arrogant or the lack of effort would p.o. me....TIMING is of the essense...somedays!
I sometimes think men try to be funny...which never comes across well...in most circumstances.

Plus an individual response is going to vary... depending on ones age, wants, needs, mindsets, self esteem, desperation, options, politeness.....etc.
So....it's all up to you.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 191
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/22/2014 5:26:14 PM


This is the correct answer, just in case anyone was in doubt


Bingo!! And right here above is the simple formula to getting women to respond to guys

I don't think there is a correct answer.
My experience is on any given day...I may repond to a "hi" if the pictures look great or if the profile reads sincere.
But on another day..maybe I won't...even if the guy looks great and same circumstances...It may come across as arrogant or the lack of effort would p.o. me....TIMING is of the essense...somedays!
I sometimes think men try to be funny...which never comes across well...in most circumstances.

Plus an individual response is going to vary... depending on ones age, wants, needs, mindsets, self esteem, desperation, options, politeness.....etc.
So....it's all up to you.


This is how I feel. I know on they have this feature in which they'll "Great message" or something to that extent whenever someone sends a well thought out message but I don't think it really matters. A chick on there sent me a cool message asking me about the Coast Guard but my interest in her didn't go up because she sent me a well thought out message.

Personally offline I'm going to tell a girl "Hey what's up?" when I want her attention and vice versa. We're both going to get the other's attention with a greeting. It won't be "I see you're wearing red, I like the color red, it's my favorite color too." It sounds wooden.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 192
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/23/2014 6:11:45 AM

This is how I feel. I know on they have this feature in which they'll "Great message" or something to that extent whenever someone sends a well thought out message but I don't think it really matters. A chick on there sent me a cool message asking me about the Coast Guard but my interest in her didn't go up because she sent me a well thought out message.


Exactly. A possible exception is when a woman mentions something about herself on the first email that isn't on her profile. But has been rare.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 193
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/23/2014 6:16:55 PM

That hasn't been the case in my experience. I have sent various types of first emails. My positive reply rate remained the about the same. However I often got more emails and "winks" from women when I added new and better photos or a lesser extent when I made changes to my profile.


Actually, my most successful conversation starter on here, was thanks to Swype's habit of only working when it feels like it:

7

After the immediate conversation started, I tried it out a little more, it actually worked. And it wasn't just asking why i just sent them one number, it was actually good conversations. But that was also in an area where for some reason I'm amazing to those girls, but sadly the most dull places you could ever actually live.

Your first message is meaningless if she doesn't want to talk to you. The best message ever written won't suddenly make you hot. If she wants to talk, she'll talk. The length of your message is just the scapegoat to get around the common habit of refusing to actually reject someone. It's a way to make it your fault she doesn't want to talk to you, and not because when she looked at your pictures, you didn't look good enough for her. So that she can just blow you off and go to bed happy at night because she didn't have to do anything at all to hurt anyone's feelings.

But when every message is a dull one word thing, then yeah, I completely understand.
 patchjoker13
Joined: 8/24/2014
Msg: 194
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/24/2014 1:29:13 AM
I will just say this. I have never sent a "Hi" message for my initial attempt. I always include at least one aspect of the woman's profile into my first message. It still get very few if any responses. You can't say it's my profile because very few if any ladies bother to look at it. It is very simple, they look at the picture and decide that I don't have the face they find attractive. I do not send messages to women that are super attractive because I know that they are getting bombarded with messages already. I have dated two ladies I met online and they were really the only two women that agreed to a date. I have some success IRL but I seem to only attract girls that are in their 20s, and I am getting too old for that sh*t. The bottom line is, if I can get them to agree to a date or even a few phone conversations, I can usually win them over. The problem with OLD is that it limits the guy's skill sets he needs to draw the women in. If you are not the best looking guy in the world you need to rely on other things to spark the interests of women. A few pictures and paragraphs are usually not enough to overcome the pure physical attraction barrier. This is especially true because the guys are usually the chasers and they have to bring something to the table that sets them apart from the others. The ladies then usually sit back and pick the one that most interests them. I would bet my whole pay check that if I used a pictures of a classically handsome man and sent out "Hi" messages, I would get some responses. This is just that way it is. Anyone who cannot understand that is just being delusional.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 195
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/24/2014 8:36:57 AM

The problem with OLD is that it limits the guy's skill sets he needs to draw the women in. If you are not the best looking guy in the world you need to rely on other things to spark the interests of women. A few pictures and paragraphs are usually not enough to overcome the pure physical attraction barrier.


Another guy who is in the right track. And your concerns in terms of the weaknesses of OLD are well founded.

I am not photogenic at all, and I realized that when I smiled, I looked like a freaking chipmunk. So little by little all my photos were rather serious, or when I took some photo with my brother and I had a pleasant smile, I used that photo. So it's an uphill battle in that area. Also, be selective in what you put on your profile. Do not be the Jack of all Trades. Include things that FILTER the type of girl that simply would waste your time. I used to indicate that women with very poorly written or very short profiles not to contact me. Why? Because they are boring and eventually all they will want if for me to be their monkey and make them laugh. So you use attitude, but not negative attitude.

The other thing. You are not sending emails to the more attractive women because you have already assumed they will not be interested in you. Four very attractive women that I know through facebook, their boyfriends look just like you. NOT HOT, but average. Like Normal dudes. So I would say, pursue them. In the end, the women that I ended up going out with had to pass a test of being intelligent and attractive to me. I never had to settle for less. But remember, the most important thing is personality.
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 196
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/24/2014 9:03:17 AM

I will just say this. I have never sent a "Hi" message for my initial attempt. I always include at least one aspect of the woman's profile into my first message. It still get very few if any responses. You can't say it's my profile because very few if any ladies bother to look at it.


First off you can look at a profile without the person knowing so don't assume because they don't appear in your "viewed me" they did not look...(BTW women are notorious for is because they don't want to seem interested before they are because guys will be on a "view" like white on rice.) But more importantly people who smoke cut down their responses to their generic emails by probably 80% because only about 16% of women smoke and I'm sure that number drops even more the older the women get. So when people say they get very few responses chances are they are emailing 80% of people who do not smoke. And those that smoke are probably one of the biggest turn-offs for daters who do not smoke. I bet you short generic messages to only those that smoke would generate a far better response rate, especially when you link it with other common interests you have.

I would never send a short generic message to those that love to eat at 5 star restaurants, stay at the Four Seasons, travel the world bla bla bla because my profile screamed "simple life." But if I did I would sure not say "no one replys" because I'm sending the to people that are polar opposite of me...
 patchjoker13
Joined: 8/24/2014
Msg: 197
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/24/2014 10:37:21 AM
^^^^^^^^^^
Tumuchfun, you statements in theory sound good but they simply are not true. I have used different versions of profiles, some of them with smoking and some without and the response rate was about the same. I send messages to women who smoke and those who do not and the response rate is still about the same. It is true that women can look at profiles without guys knowing but most women will not bother to waist their time if they don't have that initial interest. And again, if I used a "hot guy" picture I would get responses even if I put smoker in the profile. There are plenty of guys here on this forum who get a poor response rate and they are non-smokers We are not going to even get into the fact that many of the female profiles mention very little and use the old "if you want to know, just ask" approach. The bottom line is, if you are not attractive to the woman she will find reasons to not respond to your message no matter what. For a lot of guys who are not the most attractive, OLD can be a brutal place.
 Supersoulson
Joined: 10/21/2014
Msg: 198
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/24/2014 10:43:31 AM

For a lot of guys who are not the most attractive, OLD can be a brutal place.


Yup, or as I like to put it " a daily kick in the NUTS "
 Iam_RFSF2014
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 199
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/24/2014 10:50:00 AM
If it is a truly WRONG fit though, at what point would it make sense to just try something else?

Or at least not do this anymore?

Even when I've been un-involved, I've gone through periods of taking breaks from OLD because I wasn't getting the results I had hoped and I'd get sort of burnt out. But I have come back because, in general, I've had enough good to balance out the bad.

But if it's seriously like a kick in the NUTS? A brutal place? Why continue? There has to be other ways to meet people - after all, coupling happened long before the internet existed.
 Supersoulson
Joined: 10/21/2014
Msg: 200
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/24/2014 11:04:34 AM

But if it's seriously like a kick in the NUTS? A brutal place? Why continue? There has to be other ways to meet people - after all, coupling happened long before the internet existed.


Every woman I’ve ever ended up in a relationship I either met at work or through friends.
I’ve never been the type to approach a complete stranger in public and I know I would suck at it . I would feel nervous , she would sense it and so it wouldn’t work . You have to have game, be SMOOOOOOTH to pull that off.

So, to answer your q why continue ?

The same reason I buy lottery tickets : maybe I’ll get lucky one day and my type of woman will either respond to my msg or send me one herself.

But I know one thing for sure :

I have to find something in the real world like a meet up group where I could possibly meet someone in a natural way vs a meat market bar/pub.

The reason I was successful meeting women at work was I was in a comfortable environment, not hitting on them - just gradually, comfortably getting to know them and when the chemistry was noticed it went from there vs a bar where you feel pressure to be James Bond.

Of course, I was also younger back then…..a LOT younger……yikes !
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 201
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/24/2014 3:43:06 PM

The problem with OLD is that it limits the guy's skill sets he needs to draw the women in..


All the skill sets in the world are useless when you are dealing with inconsistencies and whims like this:


My experience is on any given day...I may repond to a "hi" if the pictures look great or if the profile reads sincere.
But on another day..maybe I won't...even if the guy looks great and same circumstances


It then becomes just a matter of luck for whoever gets contacted.
Might as well just toss a coin.
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 202
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/24/2014 8:00:15 PM
Well Patch it's the pictures then, if you've changed up the profile and tried a different approach to the profile it's the pictures, change em up. Short charming, creative and generic emails work. I tell you what, shoot me an email with someone you wish to email and I'll give you a sure fire email...just call me "Hitch" lol.
 xeot
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 203
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History
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/24/2014 10:25:30 PM
No, you're missing the point. The biggest problem with men who use this approach is that they're not taking into account the woman in question. You can up your response rate by messaging the women most likely to message you back; and realizing that sometimes it's just not gonna happen.


You sure do like creating a tangent and running with it. But I'm in the mood for playing along, so what the hell. All these men you don't want contacting you can also write you a thoughtful message or just quick form messages. These are two independent topics. You don't like unacceptable men bothering you. I get it. I got it a few pages back. But acceptable or unacceptable men and thoughtful or broadcast technique are too different things. There are many decent looking men with things going for them that will use a broadcast method.

I'm going to tell you a story. I knew a lot of girls and women sorta like you in this respect through my teens and 20s. That's where I learned self limiting behaviors in dating. To not be that guy. The guy of the day that shouldn't even have talked to them, hit on them, flirted with them. The guy that was too ugly, too shy, too young, too old, too short, too tall, poorly dressed, too fancy, too this, not enough of that. The 30-60 year old guys that flirted with the late teens and early 20s cashiers where I worked in HS. I learned not to be that guy. So you don't need to give me that lecture. I got that message loud and clear many times over a long time ago at an impressionable age where it became programming.

But here's the problem, to get dates one has to be that guy sometimes. Take the risk of being that guy and thus be him time and time again. Because information is always lacking, incomplete, and typically non-existent. Some women are incredibly narrow in what guys are acceptable and unacceptable and others the entire opposite. Without knowing but not wanting to be that guy a man is pretty much stuck.
 HornetRider
Joined: 9/26/2014
Msg: 204
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/25/2014 12:47:35 AM
Perhaps it's an anomaly, or beginner's luck, but I get something close to a 50% message response rate, but not by sending out massive numbers of messages. Actually I send very few; I'm pretty selective when I initiate a message. If I'm not actively messaging someone interesting, I'll send out two or three new messages to ladies I find attractive. "Attractive" to me isn't just physically attractive, I look for shared interests, and for a personality and intelligence that shines through in her profile. But, that's just me, that's what it takes for me to be attracted to someone: looks, personality and intelligence... and if we have a number of common interests, then I feel a positive "vibe" in messaging her that doesn't feel like a "Hail, Mary" or a numbers game.

Typically, it does take me quite awhile to hammer out 4-5 sentences... mostly because there are so many choices of what I could say, common threads to chose from, that it's difficult to narrow it down and keep it short.

And, I've responded to every message I've received... even the "Hi" or "I like your profile." messages and they have gone exactly nowhere... responding to those short generic ones has been quite a waste of time. Tremendous waste of time, actually.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 205
view profile
History
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/25/2014 10:30:56 AM
My thing is if OLD is just the luck of the draw then why try at all? It seems like the "Rules" of OLD are useless if it's just based on how people are feeling on any given day which makes it similar to offline in a way. If that's the case then first messages don't mean a damn thing. A generic message is just as a good a well thought out message if you have the ideal looks the person you're messaging is looking for. If that's this case case then none of this matters. Which makes this somewhat more frustrating because for OLD you can't see a person's reaction, you can't guage how they're feeling or how full of it they're really are. Y0u can only go off what they post which may or may not matter.

I've gotten messages from girls claiming in their profiles they're not attracted to black guys only for me to get a message from them saying "Hi" so this whole thing is a crapshoot.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 206
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/25/2014 2:54:35 PM
Any & all Dating is just the Luck of the Draw. You happen to meet someone whom you like & they like you. If you met on a different day, there could be a different outcome. That's life in general, too. You're at the Right/Wrong place @ the Right/Wrong time.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 207
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/25/2014 4:49:04 PM
Although there are things people can do to improve their chances ( better photos and profile etc ), I do agree there can be some luck involved. I placed an ad on CL just for fun. A woman replied and we exchanged photos and some emails. She said I was very attractive. She asked me to resend my photos because she deleted them by mistake. After I resent the same photos, she said that "we're not a match". LOL. On Match, a few women send me an email or wink even though my race on their list.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 208
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 10/25/2014 5:24:49 PM
Typo. Last sentence from my previous post should have been "On Match, a few women sent me an email or wink even though my race was not on their list.
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