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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > How important are looks to guys????      Home login  
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 Cdan1957
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 51
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How important are looks to guys????Page 4 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
He would get me in a bar fight or he would take the hot girl home.
...Well that pretty much supports the theory. The theory describes how they act, by being overly aggressive to compensate for their lack of height. As I said before I don't buy it. A historical point of reference for this has always been Napolean which as it turns out was really about 5'7"or 5'8" which at that time would be of average height. When one of the main points of proof tends to be factually incorrect it tends to discredit the theory.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 52
How important are looks to guys????
Posted: 10/6/2014 9:27:56 AM
There is, of course, another theory, that Napoleon was described as being short by the enemies who wanted to discount him, ad hominem. sometimes, history is written by the survivors :)

are there people who compensate for a lack of size? sure. Good slander, like good lies, begin with a kernel of truth and exist from there. If you must judge a stranger quickly, does playing the odds pay off? sometimes, yes.
 ArthurKingofTheBritons
Joined: 6/5/2014
Msg: 53
How important are looks to guys????
Posted: 10/8/2014 5:12:34 PM
Looks tend to be very important, but personality CAN in fact count for a lot... Just not in the way that people expect it to.

E.g. Sofia Coppola is very charismatic, she is older now, but circa Godfather 3, she would certainly make my list. The other 3, I just don't appreciate in their craft or appearance, thus no. If Joni Mitchell, were Janis Joplin however, then hell yeah, that woman could wail.

As for your, "hot," list, no.

Now, here is what I mean by the first remark: When a person is naturally unattractive, it is disgusting to hold it against them. If however (and please, don't kill me, the minute obesity is brought up, the big guns come out :/), a woman is simply unattractive because of sheer lack of will power, insofar as weight problems, then I'm sorry, that is a PERSONALITY FLAW.

This is not always the case, nor do I claim that it is, not all fat people are lazy, just like not all skinny people work out, but I once took a girl to a diner for a breakfast date and she must have eaten 3,200 calories. We were there for HOURS after I'd finished so that she could finish this massive meal that she eventually did not have the physical fortitude to eat at any kind of human pace. She then proceeded to crash on my couch for the next 4 days, ate her bodyweight in food from my fridge and slept on my couch even after I told her I was not comfortable with her staying there. Until I insisted that she leave, she did not even exit my apartment.

That all being said, she had some very redeeming personality traits, but the sheer indifference to her physical condition made her exponentially more unattractive.

I am totally down with imperfect girls, but that only applies if they do not consciously choose to be complacent and content in their own imperfection.

This is why the Janis Joplin's of the world are so damn amazing to me. She was a very plain looking person who was teased incessantly and had to leave home forever to leave as much hurt as she could behind, but whatever pain she couldn't shed, she turned into something incredible that left an indelible mark on the world of art and music.
 ArthurKingofTheBritons
Joined: 6/5/2014
Msg: 54
How important are looks to guys????
Posted: 10/8/2014 5:13:58 PM
I don't think looks are just a male inclination, by the way. A lot of my less attractive male friends have much more going for them personality-wise than my attractive ones, but guess who goes home with the girl?
 wooweewoo13
Joined: 7/7/2013
Msg: 55
How important are looks to guys????
Posted: 10/14/2014 3:21:23 AM
ha...looking at the younger woman now and comparing to what I was used to looking at during my younger yrs....theres a BIG difference!.....to much put on outer than inner.....WAY to much!......Ive talked to some who would of knocked em dead in the looks dept. but lack in other assets.....short skirts,low tops,and the media hype of stars who set trnds because they get payed for showing these things.....Im def no prude but think there should be some imagination while looking at the other person wether a man or woman...and whats up with these woman who let their pysic hang out,as in all their bulges.....never can figure it out!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 56
How important are looks to guys????
Posted: 10/14/2014 5:37:59 AM

I don't think looks are just a male inclination, by the way. A lot of my less attractive male friends have much more going for them personality-wise than my attractive ones, but guess who goes home with the girl?

Most of us at a young age went for the hot guys - but soon learned to look beyond that and see what ELSE they had going for them. A decent amount of them either didn't have anything or didn't develop anything and put all their money on their looks. Now we know to follow our attraction AND THEN then see if there's more to the package we're following if we're going to consider someone as a serious prospect.

Of course there are always the boy toys, but that's for another thread.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 57
How important are looks to guys????
Posted: 10/14/2014 7:17:26 AM

Most of us at a young age went for the hot guys - but soon learned to look beyond that and see what ELSE they had going for them. A decent amount of them either didn't have anything or didn't develop anything and put all their money on their looks. Now we know to follow our attraction AND THEN then see if there's more to the package we're following if we're going to consider someone as a serious prospect.


This statement is at the heart of the argument why AVERAGE guys can, and often get the hot girl. Why? Because while girls like good looks, they also like a mans virility, confidence and personality. And they know that the good looking guys tend to be narcissistic, self centered and they stray a lot, and that gets old.
 Erin_Cat
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 58
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How important are looks to guys????
Posted: 10/14/2014 8:49:45 AM
Sometimes the irony is, though, that the better-looking the guy the LESS likely he is to stray...or go for looks himself! It gets "old hat" for them, especially the ones who have been used to the attention literally their whole lives. Hot girls are a dime a dozen to them and got old for them in college or high school. They reach the point that something about a female has to intrigue them. That becomes the deciding factor: is there something intriguing about this woman? Think of Brad Pitt and George Clooney.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 59
How important are looks to guys????
Posted: 10/14/2014 8:56:22 AM
"Most of us at a young age went for the hot guys"

I'm going to tweak that sentence a little bit, and replace "at a young age" with "when we were immature". There are certainly older women, still dressing immaturely, going after the hot-pots. And there are immature men chasing the immaturely-dressed women, hoping to get "soma-dat".

Immature people go for the superficial, and unfortunately, age doesn't create maturity. I've known a few hotties who got burned by the superficial hottie, and continue to chase, thinking that's all that life has to offer, so keep going for the low-hanging fruit. and that belief isn't just about getting laid either, but in chasing jobs, houses, etc.

we tend to go after someone who offers what we offer. so, we have to offer a lot, in order to find "a lot" to be attractive, over the superficial. Otherwise, it might be, "I can get a girl-next-door type like Jenifer Aniston, but I can also get an Angela Jolie type, who makes ME look hotter."
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 60
How important are looks to guys????
Posted: 10/14/2014 9:05:01 AM

But, I have the "ugly girl complex" as I did not become beautiful until later in life and had to go through my high school and college years as unattractive. I am still scarred and don't know if I will ever be fully healed.

I can't sympathize here, sorry - some of us never became anything but older versions of what we were. Caterpillars. Enjoy the butterfly stage.

This statement is at the heart of the argument why AVERAGE guys can, and often get the hot girl. Why? Because while girls like good looks, they also like a mans virility, confidence and personality. And they know that the good looking guys tend to be narcissistic, self centered and they stray a lot, and that gets old.

I don't know what the hot girls do...I can't speak for them but I know what my friends and I did.

Don't get me wrong, we still go for hot (to us) guys, we just look for more than that one trait. Attraction will always be part of the process of dating. It's not the most important thing in the long run, but it is what begins the process.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 61
How important are looks to guys????
Posted: 10/14/2014 9:04:10 PM

Sometimes the irony is, though, that the better-looking the guy the LESS likely he is to stray...or go for looks himself! It gets "old hat" for them, especially the ones who have been used to the attention literally their whole lives. Hot girls are a dime a dozen to them and got old for them in college or high school. They reach the point that something about a female has to intrigue them. That becomes the deciding factor: is there something intriguing about this woman? Think of Brad Pitt and George Clooney.


Thank you! That has been my experience as well. One of the guys I was involved with was a former model (only three years before I met him). He was by far the most gorgeous, perfect looking guy I had ever been with. Yet he was so sweet, humble, and he was into me! REALLY into me, and while he did find me attractive, I'm certain that I was definitely not the best looking woman he had ever been with. In fact, I know for sure I was the OLDEST woman he had ever been with, but we had a great connection and fell hard for each other after our first meet. He even broke up with his much younger, attractive girlfriend (who I didn't know about when we first met) after I told him he had to pick either me or her. So yes, looks are important, but a true connection meant more to him.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 62
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How important are looks to guys????
Posted: 10/15/2014 4:16:59 AM
"Sometimes the irony is, though, that the better-looking the guy the LESS likely he is to stray...or go for looks himself! It gets "old hat" for them, especially the ones who have been used to the attention literally their whole lives. Hot girls are a dime a dozen to them and got old for them in college or high school. They reach the point that something about a female has to intrigue them. That becomes the deciding factor: is there something intriguing about this woman? Think of Brad Pitt and George Clooney."-Erin cat

Yaaa, I'm gonna call bullshit on this. Those hot guys that do not stray would still be the same if they were average or lesser looking. The difference is not their looks, but their character and integrity. BTW, Brad Pitt was a cheater and George Clooney got around.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 63
How important are looks to guys????
Posted: 10/15/2014 8:11:40 AM

Yet he was so sweet, humble, and he was into me! REALLY into me, and while he did find me attractive, I'm certain that I was definitely not the best looking woman he had ever been with.


Most very good looking guys that I know, are habitual cheaters. The only exemption is this one bike buddy of mine. The guy is very hot. To the point that we would include him when we used to go to clubs and bars. The guy sucked at conversation with chics, but it worked great for us, because he would attract the girls, and after five minutes of talking, they were tired of him and we would start talking to them.

Interestingly enough, he met at some conference a school teacher. She was very cute, attractive, but not hot. They dated long distance for a year. He never cheated on her during that time. Then they got married and now have two incredible children.

However he has been the exception, not the norm.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 64
How important are looks to guys????
Posted: 10/15/2014 10:18:02 AM
Hot or well 'Made' men have plenty of confidence and can afford to be 'humble' because the initial attraction factor is tilted hopelessly in their favor. They don't appear to cheat because they don't HAVE to - they don't need to seek out other women -- when they are getting approached all the time. It takes no effort to turn down lots of offers - just like it takes them no effort to find another. This isn't any different for extremely attractive women. If they want attention, all they have to do is go out in public and it comes TO them.

The anger, desperation, wandering eyes and 'twitchiness' factor seen in a lot of ordinary-looking people that makes dating them uncomfortable is because it takes a great deal MORE effort to capture someone's attention and keep it. If they are seeking out another, it's a lot more obvious because they have to WORK at straying to find another. Hot peopel can get a date any time they want and don't consider it a 'cheat' because they are not committing to anyone in particular.

Once people get past those first few dates and find a comfort zone, a lot of that stress goes away, and their confidence (and inner attractiveness) really shows, but let's face it - people always want that confidence INSTANTLY and can't stand being nervous or hesitant. It's a rough and stressful circle to constantly maintain "confidence" and still handle rejection multiple times. Attractiveness trumps a lot of that crap - and totally blinds people to what stressors they may be witnessing.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 65
How important are looks to guys????
Posted: 10/15/2014 12:40:53 PM

What looks do show is that it's very subjective. White people have a very different idea of what is attractive but they have the power to ram their beauty standards down everyone's throat.


Perhaps that is your perception in England. However in the United States as well as places like South America and Brazil you will find that beauty includes a multitude of races and definitions. For instance right now in the US there's an obsession with b u tts through the media. Also in the past the looks of Michael Jordan and a plethora of basketball players we used as symbols of beauty. Take for instance the looks or Jennifer Lopez, nicki Minaj dominating the market, to where even a white girl like Iggy Azalea mimics more in derriere and personality African American culture that White Bread puritanical mores.

In South America the ultimate beauty symbol is the Morena. It's a term of endearment to symbolize the ultimate beauty as well as the ultimate sexuality.

So I am sorry that is your experience in England. Media tastes and popular tastes are an ever shifting model that has become much more inclusive.
 StarClassic
Joined: 9/29/2014
Msg: 66
How important are looks to guys????
Posted: 10/20/2014 4:48:06 AM
(quote)The classic example is the short guy with too much attitude in a bar, trying to find any excuse to pick a fight with a tall guy. In all the years I've gone to bars, I've never had anyone tall try to start a fight with me. But lot's of short guys. And for us tall guys, it's a no-win situation. We beat the short guy, we look bad, we get beaten by the short guy we look bad...(quote)

Holy crap, that has me written all over it. I stand 6'2" and my weight, 144 +- just adds to the illusion of height. I quit going to clubs/bars because of the drunken, testosterone pumped Cro-Magnons simply because I'm an ***hole magnet.

Back to the OP's Q.
I grudgingly hold my hand up. I'm guilty of letting physical appearance guide whether or not I find a woman attractive, and whether or not I approach her. I'd be on Joan Jet like flies on poop before I'd give Flo a second glance.


I had it all typed out, but on second thought, I'll not go into why.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 67
How important are looks to guys????
Posted: 10/20/2014 4:55:24 AM

I stand 6'2" and my weight, 144 +- just adds to the illusion of height. I quit going to clubs/bars because of the drunken, testosterone pumped Cro-Magnons simply because I'm an ***hole magnet.

This is interesting...and working in bars and clubs most of my life I never really noticed this, but I can remember times I saw it happen. I'll keep an eye out for this in the future in nightspots.

Back to the OP's Q.
I grudgingly hold my hand up. I'm guilty of letting physical appearance guide whether or not I find a woman attractive, and whether or not I approach her. I'd be on Joan Jet like flies on poop before I'd give Flo a second glance.

I had it all typed out, but on second thought, I'll not go into why.

You don't need to. You have a right to like what you like and want to date what you prefer. No explanations needed. We all have that right to not date who we aren't attracted to. With that right comes a certain outcome and as long as we can accept that outcome no one can say you're wrong.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 68
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How important are looks to guys????
Posted: 10/20/2014 5:10:42 AM
"...You have a right to like what you like and want to date what you prefer. No explanations needed. We all have that right to not date who we aren't attracted to. With that right comes a certain outcome and as long as we can accept that outcome no one can say you're wrong."-womaninprogress

womaninprogress, well said. It took me a very long time to learn this exact lesson. As soon as people realize and accept this lesson, they will find more peace.
 HUMHUMA
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 69
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How important are looks to guys????
Posted: 5/4/2019 6:16:30 AM
While this was written in 2014 and she's still on the net with a profile....do YOU look at the outside or what's within?....lol...at 61 and even earlier in the dating scene I have always looked at the inside of a woman but in saying that the first look and initial chemistry IS the human factor....in any case and the usual IS opposites attract.....some of these questions posed are not even worth the time.....and as for the other I don't fantasize....waste of time...rather be with a woman who wants to be with me and enjoying the precious time we have together....lol
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 70
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How important are looks to guys????
Posted: 5/5/2019 8:24:47 PM
you are right. Not rocket science. Physical attraction is paramount and frankly it works both ways. Chemistry is important or it goes no further...

Some men dont appreciate implants, bleached hair and botox lips as it is too artificial. What attracts one does not attract another. Why wouldnt Lady Gaga be the object of fantasies...by the way... You are attractive so you must get some responses and meets right?
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 71
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How important are looks to guys????
Posted: 5/6/2019 4:14:47 AM
Physical attraction is not everything though.
I have seen physically unattractive women who I considered desirable.
I have seen physically attractive women I would run away from screaming.
What is the difference?
The answer is the Other factors, such as confidence, hobbies, emotional/mental health, etc.
These are important factors when choosing someone too.
 FFS38
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 72
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How important are looks to guys????
Posted: 5/13/2019 1:59:06 PM

Physical attraction is not everything though. I have seen physically unattractive women who I considered desirable.



Come on...which nightclub was you at...how many drinks had you had, etc etc. 😁


emotional/mental health, etc.
These are important factors when choosing someone too.


Personally I like it when women are a little kooky, as opposed to being too conventially 'normal'.
 spectravision
Joined: 3/20/2019
Msg: 73
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How important are looks to guys????
Posted: 5/13/2019 6:22:17 PM
Yeah, I prefer one flew over the cookoo's nest type until they tell me its rabbit for dinner with smudged lipstick and a big kitchen knife in their hand ;)

It's the quiet ones you got to watch out for and at least you know a psycho is already a psycho :)
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 74
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How important are looks to guys????
Posted: 5/13/2019 7:38:15 PM

I'm tired of hearing that "it's better to look unique", that bombshell-looking girls "look ridiculous", or that "cookie cutter beauty is boring".

I don't think those are such common lines. I think the middle one is only applicable when they're implying overly-done makeup with their noses in the air -- not that they're hot. The 1st and 3rd one, conflicting with each other, can be applicable to a particular individual I guess, but is by no means universal. To some who are Not naturally attractive, I think carrying a unique look is a good thing. And to those who are very average-Joe/Jane in looks -- having a cookie-cutter look isn't the best route when they're trying to maximize their dating options. But what "fits" one person isn't applicable to another.

I am a pretty conventionally attractive female with a small nose, an hourglass figure, and a C-cup.

I know you posted in 2014 -- but you're very hot. And how you dress isn't pretty "conventional" -- it's stylish and you're not lacking in it at all. Unless you only exist in a bubble among hotties-only -- you're certainly more than a conventionally attractive female.

But, I have the "ugly girl complex" as I did not become beautiful until later in life and had to go through my high school and college years as unattractive.

Although possible you went from Actually Ugly -> Hot post-college, I'm thinking you were an attractive gal -- but not As attractive to get the Hot guys you wanted but couldn't quite get in yesteryear, in which now you can. You see the difference and are like "Wait, why are guys So into looks? WTH?"

Thing is, if *YOU* didn't care about looks, you wouldn't be "scarred". Two way street, beautiful.

Most men don't fantasize about having sex with Mayim Bialik, Sofia Coppola, Lady Gaga, or Joni Mitchell.

"Blossom" nowadays isn't that attractive, but from her younger years during the show Blossom she was reasonably cute and I'm sure there were many guys with a crush and she got fan letters. And the others -- yes, guys can fantasize about having sex with them. Are they the hottest? No.

But that's what you're crying foul over. You went from a cute gal to a Hottie. You see the difference, and you're hurt that the Hot Guys didn't want you then, but do now, which you're still (in 2014) getting over. I think you're missing the contradiction. Why have You been so into guys' looks?? :)

You have a right to like what you like and want to date what you prefer. No explanations needed.

We also have the right to cheat on our boyfriends/girlfriends, or to give strangers the middle-finger just for the hell of it. :) Legal rights has nothing to do with this, of course. It's about legit concerns. But it's not to the guy or gal who wants to be wanted by another. But to the specific persons who are overly "picky" and in the long run, costing themselves... even though in the short-run it's nice & snug in their comfort-zone.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 75
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How important are looks to guys????
Posted: 5/15/2019 12:22:14 PM
Everyone should just get out of their own damn comfort zone I guess.
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