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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Beware of negging!!      Home login  
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 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 26
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Beware of negging!!Page 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

The problem with Negging is that is one dimensional. What happens when you meet up with a woman that happens to be a defense attorney. Is she going to put up with those silly tactics? Hell no, she will have one of these PUAs for lunch.


I don't really agree with that because a lot of those techniques work better with smarter women because sometimes witty banter can less appreciated by another woman. If the defense attorney is able to recognized you're using some sort of canned material, you're doing a terrible job. Sure, she's going to see right through you if you say something cheesy about her appearance, but not if you say something that's more situational. Defense lawyers want to mingle just like everyone else does. They don't walk around paranoid that every guy is a pick up artist that wants to sleep with them and disappear in the morning.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 27
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/17/2014 9:37:55 AM

lot of those techniques work better with smarter women because sometimes witty banter can less appreciated by another woman.


There's a difference between witty banter and simply negging. If you are having fun with them, even questioning what they are saying, it can be all fun and it amplifies attraction. With that said, as mentioned before things like "You're quite attractive for your age." type of comments, that gouge more at the self esteem of the person.

Banter can be a great disarmer, because you're treating them like you would tread one of your buddies and have no intimidation by being with them.
 rftv1020
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 28
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/17/2014 9:42:39 AM
Oh I need to stay out of the forums. lol

So a woman buys something, assembly required. The guy assembles it wrong, has a few extra parts left over. The woman gets pissed and ask "why the hell don't men ever read the instruction manual". As of 15 minutes ago I find there is some dating instruction manual. Men are reading it. Now women are pissed because men are reading the instruction manual.

Come on guys, admit it. Masturbation not looking that bad, right? hahaha
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 29
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Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/17/2014 10:05:38 AM

There's a difference between witty banter and simply negging. If you are having fun with them, even questioning what they are saying, it can be all fun and it amplifies attraction. With that said, as mentioned before things like "You're quite attractive for your age." type of comments, that gouge more at the self esteem of the person.

Banter can be a great disarmer, because you're treating them like you would tread one of your buddies and have no intimidation by being with them.


That's exactly it. You have to be really careful with anything that can be insulting. People completely misunderstand the purpose of a neg most of the time. If you break it down, they're just comments that the average guy that's interested in her wouldn't make. People forget that they're not meant as a negative comment toward her, they're meant to negate your interest. The guy in the OP's post is using negs when he doesn't need to be. However, it's more likely that he's just a jerk and not actually using any sort of technique at all.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 30
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Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/17/2014 10:16:49 AM
Negging?

While we are on the subject on these terms. New term needed. 'He was the most sociopathic man ever...'

A term for a woman who claims the above but still corresponds with a man. The old term was 'idiot' but that is a bit mild. Doesn't quite capture the hillarious irony in the OP's concern.

Curious...if you are certain there is a monster in the basement and you hear a spooky noise down there....you then open the door and go down the basement stairs?
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 31
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Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/17/2014 10:37:32 AM
Another analogy is that she actually liked what she saw in the basement so she went down there, but couldn't handle it, and now her ego has her back upstairs proclaiming, "there's a monster down there!"
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 32
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Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/17/2014 10:55:26 AM
^^^^

More likely. Psychology is much more familiar with the term. It is passive aggressive. A person is attracted to another. They build up expectations. When rejected or it falls apart then she becomes the 'bit.h' or he becomes the 'bast..d'.

In this case he is the 'sociopath.' For some bizarre reason happy to go along with him, correspond, etc. until...then 'wham'...he is the devil incarnate. It is a is a unhealthy way of coping with rejection.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 33
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/17/2014 1:44:57 PM
I don't know if what the OP posted would qualify as textbook negging....

However when I had an open profile I was 'negged' all of the time. I never bothered to reply, cannot be bothered. I can only assume they were meant to get me to respond in some manner defending my own self or something...but my motto is that life is too short. I am attracted to upbeat, positive men...and those men don't send neg emails to women they find attractive in my experience.

But, to my dismay, negging does seem to work for some. I have lost count how many times a female has told me some azzhole sent a negging email to her and she engaged in an online argument. These types thrive on any attention they can get and it seems many females will give them what they are looking for, so it will continue.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 34
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/17/2014 1:58:25 PM
Isn't 'Negging' pretty much just 'Sarcasm' taken a bit too seriously?

If the Urban Dictionary ever becomes a legal reference for Scrabble, we might as well just discontinue using spell check for the rest of time. Giving a temporary circumstance a cute label doesn't make it any more important or valuable.

Even the most confident and secure people can be duped by a con from time to time. It happens. What makes a confident person different from an insecure one is that they don't sweat it. They realize THEIR mistake (and yes, part of the fault IS their own for getting duped), recognize how it happened, LEARN from it and move on. The insecure ones scream bloody murder and demand justice or some sort of revenge and rarely understand (or care) what their role was in the deception, thus becoming an easy target to repeat the same con again.

If you want a visual analogy to the OPs post - I'd associate it to someone standing in the middle of the freeway frantically waving a 'Don't Play in Traffic' warning sign.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 35
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Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/17/2014 2:05:24 PM

However when I had an open profile I was 'negged' all of the time. I never bothered to reply, cannot be bothered. I can only assume they were meant to get me to respond in some manner defending my own self or something...but my motto is that life is too short. I am attracted to upbeat, positive men...and those men don't send neg emails to women they find attractive in my experience.

But, to my dismay, negging does seem to work for some. I have lost count how many times a female has told me some azzhole sent a negging email to her and she engaged in an online argument. These types thrive on any attention they can get and it seems many females will give them what they are looking for, so it will continue.


Both examples aren't negs. They are just some guy being a jerk. Neg doesn't stand for negative comment, it stands for negating your own interest.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 36
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Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/17/2014 3:09:27 PM
That works both ways. I realize that women never hang out at places where men with muscles, six pak abs and too much testosterone gather in numbers. No such thing as women who like guys in uniform, groupies or little Tab Chaser's that hang out at Ranger and SF Bars. When I was young and had those attributes I understood that those women who were approaching/sleeping with me were not objectifying me and my friends by a patch on our shoulder. They sincerely wanted to know our interest, who we were inside, the life we led, our favorite color and author. lmao. I have no clue what goes through a woman's head but at times I think women may objectify men more so then men do women. Maybe just in a different manner. Men narrow attractive to physical attributes. Women find a man's job, bike/car, body, muscles, athletic ability, self confidence as attributes they seek. None of those things being who he is inside. Men and women are equally guilty of being shallow and seek certain things before the emotional connection.

No joke. God help any man who happens to be under 6' tall. Talk about shallow primitive mentality.
 fuglygirl
Joined: 8/28/2014
Msg: 37
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/17/2014 5:28:10 PM
right, so a guy expresses his lack of interest/non-interest by taking time to dream up some "psychological" tactic

if truly uninterested, you'd simply not hear from the person.
 rftv1020
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 38
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/17/2014 5:44:09 PM
Nope Kodanshi, I have no clue. I use a Top Secret, very guarded for a Man's Eyes Only Technique. I will share it with you, but like I said Top Secret.

Ready? Here it is. Someone catches your eye. You make eye contact. If she makes eye contact back and smiles you walk over and say hi. You engage her in conversation. Don't be rude, crass or a dork. Try it, it works.

This book? So what, you guys carry this into a club with those little red, yellow and blue arrow stickers marking the pages for quick reference? If you buy the book do you get a free sample of a pill that if taken everyday will guarantee you will be wearing a Magnum Condom in 30 days?
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 39
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/17/2014 6:25:05 PM
I vote for being a mature person and never having to deal with an immature person. When that happens, you never allow the immature person any voice.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 40
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/17/2014 6:34:10 PM

People completely misunderstand the purpose of a neg most of the time. If you break it down, they're just comments that the average guy that's interested in her wouldn't make. People forget that they're not meant as a negative comment toward her, they're meant to negate your interest. The guy in the OP's post is using negs when he doesn't need to be.


The problem is that the average guy, with rather poor communication skills reads it as the moron did. Not only that, but his own buddy, some a s s hole who is really a jerk, treads women like sh it and still gets laid.

So, dude, most of the time the Neg is used to put down. Not to "negate your interest," but simply to put down. It's sad, in my book. It's the sh it that evolves into emotional abuse, if the little dude keeps getting away with it.

I like the word banter much better, it doesn't take the idea into that extreme of the PUT DOWN, stays in the constraints of also respect.

You want to fvck with women? In a way that pushes it to the edge, yet doesn't put her down. When she is talking about whatever, just say "Really?" And play with it. The intelligent one will push it to another level in which now you can engage. The insecure one will try to explain whatever it was that she was trying to talk about. Then comment freely about what she said. "That is awesome, I never thought that in that way." Or "Really! Sorry, I still don't buy it. What if..."

In the end what it matters is the attitude in which you say things. If you are having fun WITH her, not at the expense of her, or showing your own arrogance (even though a little arrogance is not bad) and you are letting her do some of the talking, banter works.

But Negging, still most guys don't get it right and end up being a ss es.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 41
Release the negging!!
Posted: 9/17/2014 6:44:02 PM
we can debate what a neg is or isn't. a tone of voice could turn a certain phrase into a neg.

what we can't debate, is the type of woman it works on. and the types it doesn't. We may all be old enough to have learned, we can't save people from themselves. People make an effort for the things they truly want....like junk food in all its varieties.

If someone's truly "sociopathetic", then what they do or fail to do or fail to do well is immaterial. they ain't healthy, and if we want a healthy relationship, we exit stage left. Regardless of his or her looks.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 42
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/17/2014 7:15:27 PM

I vote for being a mature person and never having to deal with an immature person. When that happens, you never allow the immature person any voice.

Now THAT is something worth reading at least twice. People who have some maturity and substance don't use nor do they entertain conversational manipulation to get noticed by those they want to notice them.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 43
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Release the negging!!
Posted: 9/17/2014 7:20:04 PM
^^^^ rftv

So true. Thank you. Imagine a man who actually has learned the successful approach to meeting women....be courteous, straight forward. Honest. No games.

Simple but refreshing.

All those books from the 70's...Internet sites, etc. offering advice on 'How to Pick Up Women' are hillarious...Especially when it is a 20 something giving his life experience, 'expert' professional .
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 44
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Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/17/2014 7:21:32 PM

Quality women avoid neggers even more than “average” ones. They don’t have to tolerate negging because they have too many more options, and think too highly of themselves to fall for something like that.

And, you are right -- Neggers, and other rude men are ALL jerks. Bottom line's the same.


No, the women that all the men are after will simply ignore the average guys that give her the same compliments all night. All a man is doing by using a neg is setting himself apart by appearing uninterested and unaffected by her beauty. He says things that the average guys that want her wouldn't say. If she's able to tell that he's using canned material, he's doing it WAY wrong. A neg should never be used to insult someone and someone who uses a neg properly doesn't appear rude in any way.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 45
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/17/2014 7:23:41 PM
Just say "Really?"

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=really
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 46
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Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/17/2014 11:21:36 PM
when you call someone a sociopath and a faggot because the interactions you willingly and repeatedly participated in didn't work out, does that qualify as negging? just curious.

your story is mostly spin, with the ring of the ego-bruised adolescent. what's clear is some hot guy you wanted ending up not wanting you. that's the risk you take - we all take - when venturing into the arena of romance. if you can't accept the downside like an adult, with a little grace, stay on the sidelines. trying to package your public tantrum as an act of altruism just makes you look like the kind of manipulator you would have us believe you're the victim of.
 HondoGal
Joined: 5/30/2014
Msg: 47
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/18/2014 12:24:41 AM

Another analogy is that she actually liked what she saw in the basement so she went down there, but couldn't handle it, and now her ego has her back upstairs proclaiming, "there's a monster down there!"~Alan


ROFL, Lol, that is soo funnee! But, you have a point; love the way you expressed it.



In this case he is the 'sociopath.' For some bizarre reason happy to go along with him, correspond, etc. until...then 'wham'...he is the devil incarnate. It is a is a unhealthy way of coping with rejection.~activelaney

+1
I really dislike this and it happens way too often on these forums. The rejected person comes on here and is always cajoled and made to feel better by referring to the rejecter as damaged or otherwise undesirable. As though every person that rejects another is the “devil incarnate”.
Haven’t we all been rejected? Haven’t we in turn rejected others.


Sounds like he's a good looking guy and you messed it up by being shy and awkward so he said forget that.

Fast forward he's drunk one night and just trying his luck to get laid.

Stop being so over dramatic.~Johnney

Good advice; the entire date and calls have been blown way out of proportion. This happens in the dating world. Over analyzing each and every date and then attaching negative labels to the guy and his actions is not healthy IMO. It is merely an attempt to find justification for the one suffering from rejection.


your story is mostly spin, with the ring of the ego-bruised adolescent. what's clear is some hot guy you wanted ending up not wanting you. that's the risk you take - we all take ~christ on a crutch

+1
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 48
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/18/2014 6:08:47 AM

No, the women that all the men are after will simply ignore the average guys that give her the same compliments all night.


- Well sure, it's not natural for a man to give a woman he barely knows over the top compliments - but millions of nice guys do it anyway, and spoil some women rotten. What has she done for him lately (they just met!)?


All a man is doing by using a neg is setting himself apart by appearing uninterested and unaffected by her beauty. He says things that the average guys that want her wouldn't say.


- Ah, the truth finally comes out... it's about using special tactics to pick up special women... high maintenance women. To bad nobody told those guys that are writing and buying the books that high maintenance women are undesirable. Just because a woman is beautiful and breathing does not mean she's good relationship material. What I see, is somebody acting idiotic trying to pick up another idiot.

Look relationships are hard enough as it is.... you want to work less, not more. That means a low maintenance woman is desired over high maintenance. Unless you are just a player looking for a one-night stand... in which case, you should be shot, because you're an idiot.

Men, all you have to do is not act like you've just gotten off an island and haven't seen a beautiful woman in ten years (there's tons of beautiful women in the world, so what?), and have some conversation and witty banter with her - if she does not respond to that, either she does not like you, or is a knucklehead. You only need to find one good one. But the idiots (that's our word for the day, boys and girls), the players, will never get it.

Many men are unaware that there is something they want more than sex. What men want most in a relationship is to be comfortable. Ever hear the phrase, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach?" Nice, giving women are the real prize, not trophy wives (some beautiful women are nice.) Give the average lady a shot. Generally, as looks go up, so does high maintenance... because the high maintenance woman has been spoiled by the 248 men who came before you and noticed her legs were too long.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 49
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/18/2014 6:27:46 AM
- Ah, the truth finally comes out... it's about using special tactics to pick up special women... high maintenance women.


Quite true. And high maintenance women are no better in bed than average women. Yet...being a man, being a shallow man that likes beautiful women and gotten away with sleeping with beautiful women. I have found that many of these beautiful women are also humble, empathetic, caring, loving.

So why not learn to use strategies to get exactly what YOU want. We do that for a job interview. We pick special clothes. Read books on resumes, read books on how to do the interview, not sound that we need the job desperately. We even read books on how we should approach those jobs so they are fulfilling, but we should not do that when it comes to finding the person that we are going to spend hopefully the rest of our lives with. Why are we then BAD because we dared to learn how to attract women. And the worse part is that IT WORKS. Look at me. I am an average looking guy. The only advantage I do have over others is that I am very articulate and while someone like Halkings uses his articulateness to emphasize his negatives, I use it to exalt my positives.

I agree with what Comma White is saying, but I have to disagree about what Negging has become. If used as Comma White says, it's all banter and laughs. But that is not what many guys are doing, they are using it in a NEGative way. But (some) are still being successful because of two things. ONE, they are not putting this very attractive women in pedestals. TWO, they are showing confidence. And that is attitude not negging.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 50
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/18/2014 7:10:12 AM
As much as I agree with most of your posts, Hemingway.....I just can't with this statement!


"Ah, the truth finally comes out... it's about using special tactics to pick up special women... high maintenance women. To bad nobody told those guys that are writing and buying the books that high maintenance women are undesirable. "


These "special tactics" used by these individuals are all based on psych and social psych theories and principles. The Pua s basically just reworded it and came up with strategic guides. And in all fairness women have probably been writing and employing their own tatctics for much longer! We all use them all the time! And "high maintenance" women are not the sole intended target! Where the problem comes in is when one person feels manipulated and used for a specfic purpose i.e. Women for sex.....men for money.....me for both! ok....not really.... just had to throw that in there! ;)

Negging for instance is intended to create cognitive dissonance and influence behavior. And yes.....it can be effective....and with people with healthy self esteems! But it is most effective with those that don't have the best internal view of themselves.


And.....some people are actually attracted to high maintenance.....go figure......a lid for every pot! But not tuperware....I got a cabinet full of lids without containers and containers without lids! Intetesting.....Why is that? Maybe they go to the same mystical place the socks in the dryer go.....sorry....sorry...getting distracted! :)


InnerGorilla:


"The only advantage I do have over others is that I am very articulate and while someone like Halkings uses his articulateness to emphasize his negatives, I use it to exalt my positives. "

Have to agree with this statement! And will add.....learning to laugh at your negatives will not only enhance your attractiveness but can sometimes even turn them into postive attributes! :)
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