Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Beware of negging!!      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 51
Beware of negging!!Page 3 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

These "special tactics" used by these individuals are all based on psych and social psych theories and principles. The Pua s basically just reworded it and came up with strategic guides. And in all fairness women have probably been writing and employing their own tatctics for much longer! We all use them all the time! And "high maintenance" women are not the sole intended target! Where the problem comes in is when one person feels manipulated and used for a specfic purpose i.e. Women for sex.....men for money.....me for both! ok....not really.... just had to throw that in there! ;)


BRAVO!!! BRAVISIMO!!!

A woman that not only gets it, but admits that women also have their tactics. KJ, you awesome. (Oh, sh it.. that's not a negg. HAHAHAH)
 Kittyxoxoxo
Joined: 3/5/2013
Msg: 52
view profile
History
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/18/2014 7:43:48 AM
Yup. I've met up/had dates with some 'negging' guys-men. I don't fall for that crap. Those are the same ones that play the same mind games of chatting you up and acting really interested then ignoring you because they want you to feel "insecure" or whatever game that was (the topic was posted of this forum about a month ago). If they end up ignoring me or downplaying, i just do the same thing right back. They realize that i'm not falling for their games so they start texting me\blowing up my phone, so that they can try to get my attention back. It's really pathetic and sad.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 53
view profile
History
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/18/2014 10:35:03 AM

Look relationships are hard enough as it is.... you want to work less, not more. That means a low maintenance woman is desired over high maintenance. Unless you are just a player looking for a one-night stand... in which case, you should be shot, because you're an idiot.


Everybody isn't looking for the same thing. I don't see why consenting adults are idiots that need to be shot for not wanting a relationship.



Men, all you have to do is not act like you've just gotten off an island and haven't seen a beautiful woman in ten years (there's tons of beautiful women in the world, so what?), and have some conversation and witty banter with her - if she does not respond to that, either she does not like you, or is a knucklehead. You only need to find one good one. But the idiots (that's our word for the day, boys and girls), the players, will never get it.


If it was that simple, every average guy would be dating women that look like models. Most of them are making other mistakes that you're not considering. "Just do this" doesn't cover everything. A lot of them lack reference experience. Some of them are relying on other people for their positive emotions. Some aren't balanced and are either too aggressive or too mellow. Some aren't aware of their body language or the other person's body language and miss a lot of cues. Other guys don't engage the other people in her group or they take rejection personally. There's usually a reason why people don't respond and it's usually because of really basic mistakes that a person is unaware they are making.
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 54
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/18/2014 10:50:42 AM
I do agree with some points KJ and Coma have mentioned. Yes, Coma, a guy needs to develop good social skills.

But these pick up artist books kill me... it's much ado about nothing.... they write entire books about how to manipulate women, the stronger of the species when it comes to dating. Being a player is the simplest thing in the world... I could give anybody the secret for being a player, in a couple of sentences... (okay, I might want to expand it into a paragraph or two, just to be clear, and they should learn social skills)... you don't need a bag full of tricks to attract women, if you know the secret... but I'll never let the secret out, I think it's sick... I believe in love, monogamy, and marriage... because by God, it's right. All the players can go take a flyin' leap in the lake and soak their heads.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 55
view profile
History
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/18/2014 11:22:05 AM

But these pick up artist books kill me... it's much ado about nothing.... they write entire books about how to manipulate women, the stronger of the species when it comes to dating. Being a player is the simplest thing in the world... I could give anybody the secret for being a player, in a couple of sentences... (okay, I might want to expand it into a paragraph or two, just to be clear, and they should learn social skills)... you don't need a bag full of tricks to attract women, if you know the secret... but I'll never let the secret out, I think it's sick... I believe in love, monogamy, and marriage... because by God, it's right. All the players can go take a flyin' leap in the lake and soak their heads.


Are you really saying you know more about attracting women than men that go out every night and date beautiful women? You're kind of asking us to believe some rather silly things. You want people to believe you know some dating "secrets" that the guys who teach, practise every day, and write books don't know. Most of the books I've seen on this subject have nothing to do with manipulating women. They have to do with social dynamics and putting your best foot forward. The truth is that there is no "secret" or shortcut when it comes to success with women or success with anything. You have to put in the time and effort and gain enough reference experience to become competent.
 fuglygirl
Joined: 8/28/2014
Msg: 56
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/18/2014 11:33:54 AM
many of the "PUAs" seem to specialize in ADD drug-abusing party girls..almost by definition they are hitting on women who frequent clubs, the "target" market is pretty much women 18-22 years of age .
I've read a few things suggesting that more than a few of these PUAs have fairly severe mental problems, one of the most famous, "Mystery? (Erik von Markovik? _ unless that's another fake name he made up?) "fell in love" Several times with women he'd known for about 12 hours, despite claiming to be a "Player"..and had a few nervous breakdowns, suicide attempts..oh well.
there's a few Canadians in that game, another well-known one went by "TylerDurden" from Kingston ON..several had a "crib" in LA that they trashed & were evicted from
IT appears they are possibly more successful at sucking in desperate lonely men and parting them for several thousand $$ for "seminars" & "boot camps" than in actually living the lifestyle they promote . another scary individual (in my opinion) is
"Ross Jeffrey"..most go by fake names I think?
or David DeAngelo (Real name..something else) the purveyor of "c0cky & funny"
most of their students have no imagination, you get the 5 dudes using the same tired line, EXACT copies of what they were taught- don't work on me anyway as I am not into guys now, but..funny..even some lame women try using these techniques too
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 57
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/18/2014 11:50:31 AM
^^^^^^^^Bingo... alcohol and drugs impair... drunk girls are easy.

That whole TV reality show years ago with the Pickup artist Mystery and his side-kick Matador (I don't remember the name of the series)... the whole thing was a gimmick... of course it's easy to pick up drunk girls in bars... but they leave that one ginormous fact out and make you think they are really special - they are just some guys with a little gumption and some social skills.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 58
view profile
History
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/18/2014 11:54:57 AM

^^^^^^^^Bingo... alcohol and drugs impair... drunk girls are easy.

That whole TV reality show years ago with the Pickup artist Mystery and his side-kick Matador (I don't remember the name of the series)... the whole thing was a gimmick... of course it's easy to pick up drunk girls in bars... but they leave that one ginormous fact out and make you think they are really special - they are just some guys with a little gumption and some social skills.


It's all about selling a product. Sure, you can say those guys are strange or don't have their act together, but is anyone here normal? It's definitely a lot easier to pick up people in a club when they're drinking and having fun. I like the people to inspire others to become better people and work on their "inner game". Instead of being all about picking up a drunk girl from a bar, it's about getting out of your comfort zone, pushing yourself, talking to people you see during the day and making real connections. It doesn't just have to be about dating. It's good to talk to everyone. I've talked to people waiting in line about anything from world war 2 to vegetables.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 59
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/18/2014 12:33:28 PM

Being a player is the simplest thing in the world... I could give anybody the secret for being a player, in a couple of sentences...


Really? So have you been a player?

I've know a few players. They can go into a club and come out with a woman that very night. Can you do that? If you do not, then you do not know what you're talking about, so don't pretend.

I have never been a player. I never had that skill level in real life. Also I am lazy. Why go to a club, when I could find me three dates while sitting in my living room in my underwear. But after being in a couple of relationships, the last time around was specifically looking for a monogamous relationship, not to date around or sleep around. But many of the principles do still apply. Take out the twenty something bubbly approach and inject some basic evolutionary principles as KJ has mentioned and you have something that not only works, but you're not manipulating anybody into anything.

And...why go for average when you have been eating great.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 60
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/18/2014 3:22:29 PM
"I've know a few players. They can go into a club and come out with a woman that very night. Can you do that? "


Hot Damn! I'm a player and I didn't even know it! EVERYTIME I go out.....I leave with a woman!!!


Nothing left to do now but obtain my Pua status...... ;) Just teasing! Just because you can.....doesn't mean you should!




And I agree with Coma White and InnerGorilla with the premise of focusing on making internal changes to acheive and obtain what you desire!

Trying to take the easy way and learn some quick and dirty techniques just isn't going to go the distance....imo! :)
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 61
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/19/2014 9:39:43 AM

Both examples aren't negs. They are just some guy being a jerk. Neg doesn't stand for negative comment, it stands for negating your own interest.


I didn't actually provide any examples of what I considered a 'neg' email, so I dont understand your comment.

I am fully aware of what negging is having been on the receiving end for many years on this site.
 sunsetsam
Joined: 8/25/2014
Msg: 62
Beware of NAGGING !!
Posted: 9/19/2014 9:44:30 AM
LOL - I thought this topic was about NAGGING and I was going to say

" isn't this pretty much unavoidable if you're a heterosexual male ? "

Just kidding, relax !
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 63
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/19/2014 9:44:31 AM
What type of woman are they coming out with every night?

And what time are they coming out? After last call?

It's not secret the only humans left at last call are only attractive until the next morning.

And negging isn't gender specific either.

I've had dates give me grief on several occasions...

But society is ok with that because men apparently love b!tches? Nah. Next...
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 64
view profile
History
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/19/2014 12:31:07 PM

I didn't actually provide any examples of what I considered a 'neg' email, so I dont understand your comment.


You said you felt the need to defend yourself. If it made you feel that way, it wasn't a neg. A neg is only used when a man wants to approach the hottest woman in the building and doesn't want to appear like every other chump. Also, a neg email doesn't make sense. No one should be using a neg in an email. Based on what you said, it sounds like some men were teasing you or insulting you.


I am fully aware of what negging is having been on the receiving end for many years on this site.


That's very strange because there is actually no need to "neg" someone through online dating. Online dating completely skips the whole social situation where negs are relevant.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 65
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/19/2014 5:56:24 PM
Ah yes, Mystery. Tall, attractive, and so narcistic, every time PsychToday does an article on narcists and relationships, his name comes up. Ross Jeffries pioneered hypnotism, and sued everyone he saw as a competitor. Read about him in Neil Strauss' book, "The Game", and RJ comes off as truly lacking in social skill at a party. Tyler Durden and others get revealed as they all try to live together, and all come off as "hot mess" soriety sisters. Backstabbing, social climbing, blowing cash on material things in a desperate hope to look cool...David DeAngelo (Eban Pagan) made his bones by knowing how to give lectures, and now teaches business tips, like a 30 minute vid to tell you how to save time (hint:it shouldn't take so long. One of his hints was to hire someone to put quarters into his car for parking meters, when all he had to do was ask the business he was visiting to make change for a dollar and he could have accomplished the job himself).

practically every ad tells you, "looks don't matter!" then they tell you about how they picked up girls even before they had game (OK, let's think about the logic behind that--you didn't need game, so what did you use? oh yeah) and halfway down the ad, they mention you have to recognize if a woman's interested in you or not, to know if you even have a chance (why do you look for attraction when supposedly, you're creating it?).

Neil Strass' book The Game is actually an interesting read--its a soap opera of hubris. Its like Interview With a Vampire--the narrator befriends a narcissist, becomes smarter than the teacher, comes back one last time to try to find out if the teacher actually knows anything more of interest, then goes out into the world they've basically destroyed.

and, actually, you can neg in OLD. you do it with the initial email, concerning something in their pictures or profile. Instead of complimenting, you offer a negative opinion, and they have to explain why you are wrong, so that they can go back to feeling perfect. in doing so, they are chasing after you, proving themselves to you, the object of higher value. its a form of DHV.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 66
view profile
History
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/19/2014 6:53:20 PM

and, actually, you can neg in OLD. you do it with the initial email, concerning something in their pictures or profile. Instead of complimenting, you offer a negative opinion, and they have to explain why you are wrong, so that they can go back to feeling perfect. in doing so, they are chasing after you, proving themselves to you, the object of higher value. its a form of DHV.


I would call that framing, not negging. You're flipping the frame so they're qualifying themselves to you instead of proving yourself to them. That's just my opinion on it. I don't think it's considered a neg because it's implied that you're interested if you're taking the time to email her on a dating website. You're right though, it's a way of communicating value. I know some men that will put something like "I don't date bartenders, it never works out" in their profile. They might get a woman who is bartending say "Hey! What's wrong with bartenders?"and it goes from there.
 fuglygirl
Joined: 8/28/2014
Msg: 67
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/20/2014 11:21:16 AM
so the "target" women are really dumb enough to think that the guy who approaches her and drops a "neg" on her has no interest in her? if he truly had no interest why would he be invading her space in order to drop the "neg", and not at the other end of the bar?
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 68
view profile
History
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/20/2014 12:01:46 PM

so the "target" women are really dumb enough to think that the guy who approaches her and drops a "neg" on her has no interest in her? if he truly had no interest why would he be invading her space in order to drop the "neg", and not at the other end of the bar?


That's not the purpose of a neg. The purpose is to communicate value. You lose all of your value by walking up and showing instant interest and giving compliments like all of the other men usually do. She doesn't have to think he's "not interested". The point is to see him behave differently in a way that communicates that he has options and is comfortable around beautiful women.
 fuglygirl
Joined: 8/28/2014
Msg: 69
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/20/2014 12:17:54 PM
you mean the way boys in kindergarten used to spit on me or pull my hair, or do other "negative" mean things, when they were interested, thought I was cute, or liked me?

really I think a sober non-drunk woman with IQ > 90 can see through this 'advanced technique" quite quickly, especially now that it's talked about all over the internet & in many books, etc.
but maybe I am wrong..it's happened before

it sounds analogous to a salesperson approaching a customer & saying :

"I don't really want to sell you this _______ (XYZ) ..why don't you prove to me why you're worthy to buy it? "
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 70
view profile
History
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/20/2014 1:12:58 PM

you mean the way boys in kindergarten used to spit on me or pull my hair, or do other "negative" mean things, when they were interested, thought I was cute, or liked me?


Probably not. Neg doesn't mean "negative". You might want to go back and read this thread.


really I think a sober non-drunk woman with IQ > 90 can see through this 'advanced technique" quite quickly, especially now that it's talked about all over the internet & in many books, etc.
but maybe I am wrong..it's happened before


How would you know if someone's using this as a technique or just genuinely comfortable around a beautiful woman? I call shenanigans on that one. Unless the guy has no idea what he's doing and uses some bad canned material, there's no reason why he wouldn't be acting natural and engaging them in normal conversation.


it sounds analogous to a salesperson approaching a customer & saying :

"I don't really want to sell you this _______ (XYZ) ..why don't you prove to me why you're worthy to buy it? "


Not really, it's more akin to noticing when someone doesn't respond to you in a way that's expected.
 fuglygirl
Joined: 8/28/2014
Msg: 71
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/20/2014 1:33:13 PM
^

you sound like an expert on this technique, have you successfully used it (multiple times) yourself?

are you a "player"?? or have you just read about it, and think, 'yeah, that could work'?

do you actually, in real, actual life, not just in theory, go out to bars and pick up and 'bang' hot women (like, 9's or 10's) using this technique? or just talk to them for a minute or 2?

see I read some tale of one of these players who bragged about how he "picked up" Paris Hilton using these cool techniques, but as far as I can tell he just talked to her for a few minutes, never F-closed her! or even kissed her for that matter.
or do you believe everything you read?.. especially when it's by self-anointed 'players' more & more desperate to reel in paying customers..the likes of Mystery, Playboy, TylerDurden, etc..seems there are dozens now all competing for the desperate lonely people to pay $$ thousands for 'training' ..creepy Ross Jeffries..& Eben Pagan. odd how these people are so proud of what they do they always use aliases, afraid to use their real names
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 72
view profile
History
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/20/2014 1:53:40 PM

you sound like an expert on this technique, have you successfully used it (multiple times) yourself?

are you a "player"?? or have you just read about it, and think, 'yeah, that could work'?


What does it matter what I am? It doesn't change the definition of any of these terms.


or do you believe everything you read?.. especially when it's by self-anointed 'players' more & more desperate to reel in paying customers..the likes of Mystery, Playboy, TylerDurden, etc..seems there are dozens now all competing for the desperate lonely people to pay $$ thousands for 'training' ..creepy Ross Jeffries..& Eben Pagan. odd how these people are so proud of what they do they always use aliases, afraid to use their real names


It doesn't matter if you believe it or not. Using the words properly avoids confusion.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 5/3/2014
Msg: 73
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/20/2014 2:04:54 PM

That's not the purpose of a neg. The purpose is to communicate value. You lose all of your value by walking up and showing instant interest and giving compliments like all of the other men usually do. She doesn't have to think he's "not interested". The point is to see him behave differently in a way that communicates that he has options and is comfortable around beautiful women.


But how does insulting or devaluing a person show a person is COMFORTABLE around women? It just shows they're a jerk.

if someone is TRULY comfortable around the other gender, then they do whatever approach they are going to do REGARDLESS of how many they think the person has or does not have, regardless of the others who are approaching, and regardless of how they think it will be received, because it doesn't MATTER how it's received. They are saying what they say because they are comfortable enough in themselves and their own skin to know they are not "giving power" to another person at their own expense, because they are not validated by the other person's reception to their comments.

They don't NEED a positive response to be comfortable. So what they say is how they truly feel about the person.

If a person truly DOES feel absolutely no respect towards a woman and wants her to know that and feels the need to insult? Anyone who WANTS to be around that on purpose? More power to you. Not for me, thanks.

imvho of course...
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 74
view profile
History
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/20/2014 2:22:20 PM

But how does insulting or devaluing a person show a person is COMFORTABLE around women? It just shows they're a jerk.


Why would you think you have to insult or devalue someone to show you're comfortable? A neg has nothing to do with that.


if someone is TRULY comfortable around the other gender, then they do whatever approach they are going to do REGARDLESS of how many they think the person has or does not have, regardless of the others who are approaching, and regardless of how they think it will be received, because it doesn't MATTER how it's received. They are saying what they say because they are comfortable enough in themselves and their own skin to know they are not "giving power" to another person at their own expense, because they are not validated by the other person's reception to their comments.


Yeah, that's true to a point. It depends what you want to achieve. If you really don't care and it doesn't matter if you get a hot blonde woman's phone number, you can wear a shirt with mustard stains to the bar. The whole point is to avoid being devalued yourself by coming across as every other guy that's into her because of her looks.


They don't NEED a positive response to be comfortable. So what they say is how they truly feel about the person.


I agree with that. You should always talk to someone because you want them to feed off of your good vibe instead of relying on them to feel good.


If a person truly DOES feel absolutely no respect towards a woman and wants her to know that and feels the need to insult? Anyone who WANTS to be around that on purpose? More power to you. Not for me, thanks.

imvho of course...


If a man walks up to a woman and insults her, it has nothing to do with any dating techniques that I know about. I wouldn't want to be around a person like that either.
 TLC200
Joined: 7/26/2014
Msg: 75
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/20/2014 5:16:15 PM
The most typical neg I've gotten is "you look great for your age". The "for your age" part is a backhanded compliment. Either I look good or I don't. Or does that mean if my age was 20, I'd look hideous? Anyways, I immediately lose interest in guys like that.


I get the "for your age " thing every once in a while but i'm not offended in the least or look at those words in a negative way.

I see it as a two pronged compliment.

you look good and for your age.

the for your age part means you're free of wrinkles and other aging qualities.

no one says that to demean you - you have to understand that some folks are simply not as smooth with their grammar.

I thank them and then go on to see if we click.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Beware of negging!!