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 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 76
Beware of negging!!Page 4 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
At the end of the day IMO the approach and conversation initiation shows some interest on or offline. One cannot really avoid showing interest unless they don't approach at all - the lack of approach causes there to be no conversation. Unless the woman approaches to initiate the conversation (and your not a staff member in the place she's approaching you in) there's no in person context a neg can be dropped and make sense unless the target isn't too bright or confident.

Unless you're standing next to someone else who approached of course, but there still has to be an interaction with the person you're not supposed to be showing a lot of interest to.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 77
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/20/2014 7:53:34 PM
ah, fugly, you're making a classic mistake of misunderstanding--you're assuming something exists, when it doesn't.

in this particular case, you assume--which makes an A$$ of U and ME--that the targets (sets) are smart, and not intellectually lazy instead. so, take for granted that the women these things work on, are in fact, not smart enough to act in an intelligent way. assume they are self-focused, self-centered b1tches. people who are only focused on having interaction that puts them in a good light.

by acting in this stupid way, does a neg's ability to work, make more sense now? I think it might have been Scott McKay who mentioned the sales pitch, about getting the customer to prove worthy enough to buy it. And, actually, there's a scientific finding out now that, if the salesperson is a snob, the sales will increase as the buyer tries to prove themself worthy of the store.

in the case of the original application of "Sarging", yes, the target rich environment of Project Hollywood got "sarged out", and they went to Miami. Every year, someone new turns 21 and hits the clubs to learn about PUA lines. And frankly...there's always dumb, self-centered hotties out there who fail to look for healthy relationships, so they find the alternative. maybe a healthy relationship's too easy for them to find, b/c they are so desired, so they end up trying to make a game out of it all, which makes them player-bait.

but when you can't figure out why a smart person would do a dumb thing...that's your red flag, you're making the assumption they are actually smart.
 blondiewrites
Joined: 9/5/2013
Msg: 78
view profile
History
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/20/2014 8:46:49 PM
I had never heard that term, but have experienced it more than once. My best friend says "run" when you feel that and I have done that, but then other friends say I am not giving guys a chance. I know I am listening to my heart and when something feels that wrong, it is best to get out of Dodge and not look back. Being with a manipulator is bad stuff and never leads to anything good.
 flyguy51
Joined: 8/11/2005
Msg: 79
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/21/2014 10:17:01 AM
Ah, the oh-so controversial negging technique... it is very difficult to do well, and some PUAs advise avoiding it entirely. Mystery invented the term (most of the terminology, really), but there are so many systems out there, and the techniques are constantly changing.

Here are bad (and probably more common) examples of negs:

"Yanno, a lot of guys don't like heavier women, but I do!"
"You look like a woman who drinks a lot of beers..."
"You wear too much makeup."
"I don't really like those shoes."

And here are ones from Strauss' book "The Game":

"That's a nice dress. I even saw another woman here wearing it."
"You have nice eyes. Can I touch them?"
"I like your shoes. They look comfortable."
"I don't know you from a hole in the wall." (Obviously not an opener)

And a very borderline one that Strauss used:
"You have great hair. Is it a wig?"
The only reason he got away with it is that he himself was wearing a wig at the time. Evidently, the woman's jaw dropped when he pulled it off his head. And the rest is pickup artist history for Neil Strauss (aka Style).

Anyway, the purpose is to show that one is not intimidated by beauty, and that one isn't an over eager horny chump.

Being fascinated by human nature, and... who doesn't need more luck with the ladies?... I checked some of this stuff out several years ago. Negs may be passé by now-- I haven't looked into this stuff for years. As for pickup techniques, yes, they work if practiced and done right. It's mainly a matter of at least appearing confident and growing a pair when being around strange people. I have had friends say to me, "How did you do that?" and "I was blown away when you did that!"

But these PUAs have essentially made a deal with the Devil at the end of the day. They know about picking up quite well, but they are scrambling around in the dark when it comes to long term stuff. Not a big surprise to anyone, I'm sure, considering all the shallowness, manipulation, and posing that goes on. If your goal is to have a threesome with two bisexual women, then go all in. I say that because that seems to be the "gold standard" of pickup.

Funny wrap up to all this: my wife actually negged ME when we met, and... it worked! (She claims it wasn't intentional, but she is glad it worked, just the same!)
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 80
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/21/2014 10:45:46 AM

Anyway, the purpose (of negging) is to show that one is not intimidated by beauty, and that one isn't an over eager horny chump.


- In other words, it's just playing hard to get - packaged in a line. I wish people would quit making up new terms for something which already exists. Why not call a spade a spade.

There is a small percentage of guys in the world who do this automatically, who never have major problems with women or relationships. They are called naturals... and that's where these pua guys got the idea from. They did not invent anything on their own, it's nothing new.
 flyguy51
Joined: 8/11/2005
Msg: 81
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/21/2014 11:11:03 AM
^^^ That is absolutely correct. What some of the "pioneers" did was simply turn what the naturals do instinctively into a premeditated, detailed blueprint. It is no coincidence that most of them are former nerdy types. Then there is the ever creepy Ross Jeffries, who uses neuro linguistic programming.

It's all in Strauss' book, and it is a fascinating tale. The actual techniques talked about in the book are quite old by now-- 10 or so years, so they aren't really the point of the book anymore.
 NotElvisJunior
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 82
view profile
History
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/21/2014 11:43:02 AM
Huh, I remember reading that book some years back. Loaned to me by a female friend, oddly. Though, to be honest, I got more of the impression that the PUA aspect of it was sort of the intro, and that ultimately, it was more about how dysfunctional that group of guys all became amongst themselves.


That said... negging, hard to get, feigned interest, feigned disinterest, feigned ANYTHING...

That's all a bunch of crap. I'll lament about why can't people just be honest, etc., but I'm sure it's been said before.

If you're interested in me, don't try to convince me of anything BUT that. If I'm interested in you, I shouldn't try to convince you of anything BUT that.

I may be shy and awkward about it, that's it.

Anything else is just game playing. And, frankly, STUPID.

Ok, ok, I'll get off my soapbox now.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 83
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/21/2014 3:35:19 PM
well, consider the person you aren't all that interested in...do you go overboard in flattery? when you ain't feelin' the tickle in your pickle, how do you relate to them? As an equal. You act like their looks ain't no big thang, b/c for you...they aren't.

how do you treat your male friends? ever bust on their a$$? Is that a form of intimacy, that you can push that boundary and get away with it? Ever treat your little sister like she's just not cool enough to hang with you and your friends?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 84
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/21/2014 9:03:37 PM
I'm a female but this applies on both sides.

well, consider the person you aren't all that interested in...do you go overboard in flattery?

No, but I don't flatter anyway. However if I'm not all that interested why am I there?

when you ain't feelin' the tickle in your pickle, how do you relate to them?

If I have no interest in them in general, I don't relate to them.

As an equal. You act like their looks ain't no big thang, b/c for you...they aren't.

I guess here is where I don't relate. While most of my exes are handsome - I never let that throw me into a big outpouring of compliments. I only dole those out once I am dating someone a while and I use them carefully. Since I don't like it much it's not one sided...I hand it out about as much as I'd like to get it (unless otherwise discussed). To me a person has to sort of earn that stuff by knowing me a while.

how do you treat your male friends? ever bust on their a$$?

Yes, male and female - but not before I know them a while, which is where this fails. Attempting to bust my ass as an opening is presumptuous and just awkward. My reaction to this is to just stop talking to a person as I don't think it's indicative of a person having any capacity to feel out a situation.

Is that a form of intimacy, that you can push that boundary and get away with it?

Not without a history, no.

Ever treat your little sister like she's just not cool enough to hang with you and your friends?

Yes - and that's because she was my sister and I had known her since birth. She's also 10 years younger so by default she wanted to be part of things with us because we were older.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 85
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/22/2014 7:05:36 AM

"You have great hair. Is it a wig?"


A guy I know, would grab a woman's hair and smell it, the out of the blue would say, "Nice hair. I'd like to wrap it around my balls."

And... as nasty as that sound, this dude would be later on that evening fvcking that super hot chic.

Go figure.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 86
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/22/2014 7:27:18 AM

A guy I know, would grab a woman's hair and smell it, the out of the blue would say, "Nice hair. I'd like to wrap it around my balls."

And... as nasty as that sound, this dude would be later on that evening fvcking that super hot chic.

Go figure.


He'd better hope it isn't a wig, or he might find it wrapped around his neck.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 87
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/22/2014 8:43:23 AM
either she prefers that type of man or...he's hot. Creepy behavior ain't creepy when its from someone you'd really love to wrap your hair around.

to WiP:
Not pouring out compliments, may suggest that you are more equal in looks to your partners than you consider. (Its like a woman I knew back in high school who claimed there were no cliques b/c she had never been kept out of any. in reality, she was one of the most popular people in school--she wasn't kept out of any, b/c she was IN so many. she just thought everyone was like her).To a fellow who is average, a "goddess" just fills him with emotion and he lets out that energy orally by complimenting her.

It may also be that...not flattering so much, accomplishes the same end goal as a neg. it helps you to stand out from the "lesser looking" people who can't help themselves but gush over how attractive a person is. a woman who dresses as tho she knows she's got a supermodel body--not just flashing cleavage, but wearing skintight clothes, big heels, etc--is getting a lot of attention from the ordinary looking guys. and duh, that's the reason she's wearing that stuff.

so the ATTRACTIVE guy acting different, breaks her stride. he doesn't have to be hot, he just has to attract her attention, enough that she'll stop to defend herself from the claim he made in his negging.

Using a neg to break the ice is tricky--but I've done it on men and women. Some people are just hungry for convo :) but, you can use a neg AFTER you've established some rapport--and with drunk people, not much rapport is needed to be their sudden friend, if you're actually a sociable person. your milage may vary, of course, but some people can work a room in minutes.

like you said, if you ain't interested, why are you there. there has to be a mutual interest, in order to get a foot in the door. that's the part the PUA don't want to mention in the ads, until you look halfway down and they mention teaching you how to know when a woman is showing IOI, which is indictor of interest.

that's like saying, i'm going to teach you how to build a peanut butter and jelly sandwich..and then i have to teach you what it looks like. why do i need to know that, if its so easy to create it, then i created it. i don't need to recognize it.

success at negging requires a perfect storm--the type of woman who plays games b/c relationships are so easy to come by, the type of guy she wants making a relationship something she has to work at in order to get from him, rather than him handing it to her on a silver platter.

we value what isn't free, and that's the point.

 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 88
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/22/2014 2:13:04 PM

we value what isn't free, and that's the point.

Exactly. And 'attention' is not always a commodity you can buy with a drink purchase or whatever.

Humans crave attention, socialization - but why do people feel they have the right to cry 'foul' when they don't get as much as they want from ANY particular person? It's funny how people feel perfectly fine about having the freedom to cut off attention to anyone at any time for any willy-nilly reason they want to invent - but if someone takes away attention FROM THEM, it's automatically considered a hostile action. If you are a person who doesn't get ignored very often, it's stunning how off-putting it can be to GET ignored.

I've gone to pubs and bars a few times by myself and would ignore most of what was happening around me and read a book. It's amazing how much it bothers people to see someone who's not singing or dancing with the musician in the corner, or not cheering 'happy birthday' along with everyone else to the drunk lady at the next table. I've got a drink in front of me like everyone else, ordered appetizers like everyone else, but as long as my attention is in that book - some people REALLY get curious - even annoyed - that I'm not paying attention to what's happening elsewhere.

Whether you want to call it 'negging' or playing 'hard to get', it's not that complicated (or hostile) of an action to undertake, considering most of what is required to do it is simply to NOT react 'normally' like people expect. The concept of it being negative or manipulative is usually dreamed up within the mind of that person who's flipping out because they can't stand something different than they are used to seeing. Whether they are always insecure or paranoid or just vulnerable at the moment doesn't really matter. Add a little alcohol to that mix, and it can enhance that paranoia greatly. A person who's not allowing themselves to be spooked can simply roll with it or ignore it and turn away.
 flyguy51
Joined: 8/11/2005
Msg: 89
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/22/2014 4:52:34 PM

A guy I know, would grab a woman's hair and smell it, the out of the blue would say, "Nice hair. I'd like to wrap it around my balls."

And... as nasty as that sound, this dude would be later on that evening fvcking that super hot chic.

Go figure.

I have read that that is called "shock and awe." It is game on crack, and it is really only good for the person in search of a "one night wonder"-- which shouldn't surprise anyone. It's interesting to know from an unbiased source that it works. Of course, a person has to really know what they're doing and size up the right person to use it.

It is not a mystery why it would work, though. It communicates a lot at once: I am ballsy, I am confident, I am entertaining, I am unique, I am sexually experienced, and I do this because it has worked for me in the past. If you are not all these things, it will be "game over" at some point in the process.

The important thing is to be "congruent." That is, your attitude, delivery, and body language MUST be consistent with what you're saying-- throughout the ENTIRE interaction.
 fuglygirl
Joined: 8/28/2014
Msg: 90
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/22/2014 5:33:35 PM
if you have used it yourself you'd have first hand empirical evidence of its validity rather than second hand tales
also 'neg' is not an actual word in the English language in the usual sense..do I get to define the meaning of "hjdiisssh" ?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 91
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/22/2014 5:35:29 PM

to WiP: Not pouring out compliments, may suggest that you are more equal in looks to your partners than you consider. (Its like a woman I knew back in high school who claimed there were no cliques b/c she had never been kept out of any. in reality, she was one of the most popular people in school--she wasn't kept out of any, b/c she was IN so many. she just thought everyone was like her).To a fellow who is average, a "goddess" just fills him with emotion and he lets out that energy orally by complimenting her.

Oh brother. Really? Filled with emotion? That's kind of dramatic.

My level of attractiveness will vary with each person I meet - just like others attractiveness will vary for me. I don't have a huge self awareness outside the knowledge that there's nothing concrete to base it on. I don't factor it into any social interaction. Attractiveness is about odds. Some will like you some won't. There's nothing to consider there either way. It's random. Who cares?

It may also be that...not flattering so much, accomplishes the same end goal as a neg. it helps you to stand out from the "lesser looking" people who can't help themselves but gush over how attractive a person is. a woman who dresses as tho she knows she's got a supermodel body--not just flashing cleavage, but wearing skintight clothes, big heels, etc--is getting a lot of attention from the ordinary looking guys. and duh, that's the reason she's wearing that stuff.

Many people wear things cause they want to look a certain way...I find it insulting that men default to thinking women consider them when throwing together an outfit. You reacting to it does not equal "she dressed for the attention".

so the ATTRACTIVE guy acting different, breaks her stride. he doesn't have to be hot, he just has to attract her attention, enough that she'll stop to defend herself from the claim he made in his negging.

If she's not really that interested - isn't it a wash. Does it not require him to first try to get her attention in order to act like he doesn't care if she gives it to him?

Using a neg to break the ice is tricky--but I've done it on men and women. Some people are just hungry for convo :) but, you can use a neg AFTER you've established some rapport--and with drunk people, not much rapport is needed to be their sudden friend, if you're actually a sociable person. your milage may vary, of course, but some people can work a room in minutes.

That proves my point. Your audience can't be too swift for it to have any effect Drunk, stupid, desperate...if you like that sort of audience. Perhaps those are good options for some.

like you said, if you ain't interested, why are you there. there has to be a mutual interest, in order to get a foot in the door. that's the part the PUA don't want to mention in the ads, until you look halfway down and they mention teaching you how to know when a woman is showing IOI, which is indictor of interest.

Uh huh.

that's like saying, i'm going to teach you how to build a peanut butter and jelly sandwich..and then i have to teach you what it looks like. why do i need to know that, if its so easy to create it, then i created it. i don't need to recognize it.

Yep.

success at negging requires a perfect storm--the type of woman who plays games b/c relationships are so easy to come by, the type of guy she wants making a relationship something she has to work at in order to get from him, rather than him handing it to her on a silver platter.

I'll agree with that.

'attention' is not always a commodity you can buy with a drink purchase or whatever.

No - someone has to want to pay attention to you. If they don't there's not much you can do to get it - showing them something they like more than you to try and transfer the interest doesn't usually work real well.

Humans crave attention, socialization - but why do people feel they have the right to cry 'foul' when they don't get as much as they want from ANY particular person? It's funny how people feel perfectly fine about having the freedom to cut off attention to anyone at any time for any willy-nilly reason they want to invent - but if someone takes away attention FROM THEM, it's automatically considered a hostile action. If you are a person who doesn't get ignored very often, it's stunning how off-putting it can be to GET ignored.

That's why people have to be more modest about social activity - and have a fair mindset. Then again as an introvert it never bothered me much to be ignored by everyone - there are times I hope for it. So when I don't give someone attention I'm not being unfair - I know that everyone has the right to do what they want and it's not personal to me or even about me. To think so would be narcissistic. A lot of people have a hard time getting over themselves. So their reaction to life not following their expectations and perceived entitlement is their creation.

I've gone to pubs and bars a few times by myself and would ignore most of what was happening around me and read a book. It's amazing how much it bothers people to see someone who's not singing or dancing with the musician in the corner, or not cheering 'happy birthday' along with everyone else to the drunk lady at the next table. I've got a drink in front of me like everyone else, ordered appetizers like everyone else, but as long as my attention is in that book - some people REALLY get curious - even annoyed - that I'm not paying attention to what's happening elsewhere.

Annoying ain't it? If I go to a public place alone for a drink, or food, or to relax and listen to music or to read a book or watch a game - it does annoy some people that you prefer not to socialize and some will go so far as to ask why you're there if not to talk to everyone. Pffft.

Whether you want to call it 'negging' or playing 'hard to get', it's not that complicated (or hostile) of an action to undertake, considering most of what is required to do it is simply to NOT react 'normally' like people expect. The concept of it being negative or manipulative is usually dreamed up within the mind of that person who's flipping out because they can't stand something different than they are used to seeing. Whether they are always insecure or paranoid or just vulnerable at the moment doesn't really matter. Add a little alcohol to that mix, and it can enhance that paranoia greatly. A person who's not allowing themselves to be spooked can simply roll with it or ignore it and turn away.

True.
 fuglygirl
Joined: 8/28/2014
Msg: 92
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/23/2014 10:53:13 AM

And... as nasty as that sound, this dude would be later on that evening fvcking that super hot chic.


it seems that for many men having a one night stand with a woman he met an hour or 2 earlier is still the sine qua non of existence , the hot, or 'cool', ultimate thing to strive for and brag about. I personally don't get it, the risk of disease and other things, getting with a chick who could be a psycho or have some dudes waiting for mugging, etc.?

guess it must be a guy thing, part of the natural imperative to spread your seed to as many flowers as possible ?
if a guy can be really honest, is it mostly for the experience, with the woman? or to brag to your buddies or show off your prowess in picking up chicks in front of them? would you do this if all on your own? Or prefer to be with a "posse" who can witness how awesome your pickup skillz are? curious.
 fuglygirl
Joined: 8/28/2014
Msg: 93
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/23/2014 10:54:47 AM

And... as nasty as that sound, this dude would be later on that evening fvcking that super hot chic.


it seems that for many men having a one night stand with a woman he met an hour or 2 earlier is still the sine qua non of existence , the hot, or 'cool', ultimate thing to strive for and brag about. I personally don't get it, the risk of disease and other things, getting with a chick who could be a psycho or have some dudes waiting for mugging, etc.?

guess it must be a guy thing, part of the natural imperative to spread your seed to as many flowers as possible ?
if a guy can be really honest, is it mostly for the experience, with the woman? or to brag to your buddies or show off your prowess in picking up chicks in front of them? would you do this if all on your own? Or prefer to be with a "posse" who can witness how awesome your pickup skillz are? curious.


Neg doesn't mean "negative". .


so it means positive? how about he neg. & pos. terminals on a battery? I thought I read that the originator (Mystery) said it was short for neg hit/negative hit
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 94
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/23/2014 11:03:46 AM
1)yes, there are guys who get impressed with an unbelievably hot woman. Like a sports fan meeting Micheal Jordan in the flesh. they get filled with emotion, or if you like, excitement. In Jordan's case, they might just repeat, "I can't believe this is happening!" in order to release it out. In the case of women, I can still go to an event, and men are doing favors for some beautiful woman, and ignoring the other people around them who could do with having the same favor.

SOME people wear their clothes for themselves. Others do it for the attention--not reaction, attention. How do I know? b/c, duh, female acquaintances have told me the reason why they are wearing what they are wearing. Certainly, the woman pulling her microskirt down every 5 steps b/c it rides up, ain't wearing it for comfort nor for style or she couldn't afford two more inches of material. of course, just b/c we individuals do something for a purpose, doesn't mean everyone in our gender does it for the same purpose.

yes, a man has to get a woman's attention--by speaking a neg to her--in order to eventually act as tho he isn't into her in a sexual way.

2)Is "fugly" a word, either? :)
ONS can be, for some, a goalpost. Like winning a car in a raffle is for others. when it comes to dreams, no one figures out the costs (like the taxes on that car are due when you win, then there's the insurance, etc)...unless they are intelligent.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 95
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/23/2014 11:24:24 AM

guess it must be a guy thing, part of the natural imperative to spread your seed to as many flowers as possible ?


Valid question. But realize that it took two people to create that scene. A guy and a WOMAN. So in every case there's also a woman. So realistically, these women wanted to be seduced, wanted to be with a man as much as the man wanted to be with a woman. Unless is rape, every woman has sex not because she didn't want to, but because she wanted to have sex. She just wanted to give the man the impression that it was all his doing.

Now, why men do it? All of the above reasons. Mainly is the hunt, second is the fun of the sex, and third is the bragging rights.

I for instance do not like one night stands. I did them at several points in my life, but they are not worth the risk, even with the euphoria of the hunt. Also, the sex, realistically, is not that great. You don't know each other, and everything is cumbersome. Let's say she is not shaven down there, and for some reason it's a turn off, and wham, erectile disfunction. It ain't gonna happen!!! LOL. So I prefer the sex you have with a partner that you have done it with for the hundredth time.

Men do like to have bragging rights, we love eye candy, show off, but what happens when it gets old? There comes a time when that high maintenance pain in the neck, low quality conversation, nothing-in-common eye candy gets old, so we chose a woman that is FUN, FUN.

So for every man that wants to go out and find a one-night-stand, there are guys that are either tired of that, or want more substantive relationships, and if she happens to be hot, well that's only a bonus.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 96
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/24/2014 9:45:00 AM
Why do some women buy push-up bras? Get hair ripped from their bodies? I doubt they pursue pain to feel good about themselves (if they wanted to feel good, they could consume comfort food or treat themselves to an event they like or accomplish an achievement or...). They go thru all that effort on the "outer shell" in order to attract attention.

now, they may be going for attention for a variety of reasons (some people can only figure out WHAT happened, some think a little further to HOW it happened, but the truly intelligent think about WHY it happened). WHY would someone want the attention? well, perhaps they don't offer a lot more. Perhaps they are single. Perhaps being the hottest gal in the bar makes them feel good about themself (which brings us back the neg, and who it works on and when).

Women like sex. sometimes, they believe a lie a fellow tells, even when its obviously a lie, or they could wait to see if its a lie, b/c they want to get laid, or b/c they want to believe that sex is a currency with which you can buy love. As IG pointed out, ONS happens when two people are present. One may claim she was lied to, or was drunk at the time...and if she posts it here, there are plenty of women who will tear her argument apart :)

there's nothing wrong with accepting responsibility. we're all adults. Some guys are competitive. so are some women. and others aren't.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 97
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/24/2014 10:57:50 AM
Why do some women buy push-up bras? Get hair ripped from their bodies? I doubt they pursue pain to feel good about themselves (if they wanted to feel good, they could consume comfort food or treat themselves to an event they like or accomplish an achievement or...). They go thru all that effort on the "outer shell" in order to attract attention.



I think it’s because some of us have the desire to look well-groomed and fashionable. Looking good makes us feel good about ourselves. I think that's true of most people.

There was a time in the 1970s when many women didn't wear bras or shave their legs, underarms, or anywhere else on their bodies. Women over 50 can remember it well.

That look is now out of style. Cleavage and smooth, hairless bodies are currently in vogue. Hence the push-up bras and Brazilian waxes.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 98
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Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/24/2014 12:32:03 PM

so it means positive? how about he neg. & pos. terminals on a battery? I thought I read that the originator (Mystery) said it was short for neg hit/negative hit


You can find this question answered many times in this thread. Neg = negating your interest. It does not stand for "negative".
You're thinking of "neg" as in a short form for "negative" on a battery because they don't have room to write the whole word.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 99
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/24/2014 1:05:15 PM
"I think it’s because some of us have the desire to look well-groomed and fashionable. Looking good makes us feel good about ourselves. I think that's true of most people."

>>>but look good to...whom? Our own selves? Personally I wouldn't rip hair out of my body nor go in for enlargement surgury to look good to myself. Its not like I'd walk by a mirror every second to check myself out. I suspect most people think along those lines and want to avoid discomfort, too. (of course, there are other ways to feel good about oneself than to dress sexy--I don't imagine a push up has any other purpose, even if you're filling out a dress, only certain types need that much bust--but that's a tangent).

we look good to get...a favorable response from others. They become our mirror. Its how we know a tie looks good or its out of style and looks like what a clown wears for laughs. If someone compliments us...we feel good about it, and ourselves.

Its still based on outside response, in order for it to work. Growing up I would hear a woman or two say, "I bought this push up bra and no one noticed" or something along those lines, and I'd know what the real purpose was--to get attention. Why do we stop doing what's out of style, and start doing what's in style? b/c being in style gets us attention.

of course, there's an extra step--WHY get the attention. But this is a post about the neg, so we'll avoid that tangent, too. the neg breaks the cycle, and what breaks up the cycle...gets attention. assuming, again, that the target of the neg had any interest in the opinion of the negger.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 100
Beware of negging!!
Posted: 9/24/2014 1:23:01 PM

but look good to...whom? Our own selves?

In my case, anyway - yes.

Personally I wouldn't rip hair out of my body nor go in for enlargement surgury to look good to myself.

Agreed on the enlargement surgery. I don't like body hair so I do that for myself. No, I don't like it on anyone else either but that's their choice unless I have to be subject to them in some way where I have to tolerate it. I spent over $5k on braces for my teeth because it was something that bothered me, most didn't know why I did it.

Its not like I'd walk by a mirror every second to check myself out. I suspect most people think along those lines and want to avoid discomfort, too. (of course, there are other ways to feel good about oneself than to dress sexy--I don't imagine a push up has any other purpose, even if you're filling out a dress, only certain types need that much bust--but that's a tangent).

So if none of us need to look good for anyone else, why wear anything - why wash clothes? Why shower? Because it makes you feel better. Period. I'm not denying that some people only shower for the benefit of others but most of us do it because we feel better.

we look good to get...a favorable response from others.

Maybe you do. Some of us do not.

They become our mirror. Its how we know a tie looks good or its out of style and looks like what a clown wears for laughs. If someone compliments us...we feel good about it, and ourselves.

If we have any fashion sense or ability to take in what's around us we don't need others to mirror (outside of dressing for an event or current/possible employer).

Its still based on outside response, in order for it to work. Growing up I would hear a woman or two say, "I bought this push up bra and no one noticed" or something along those lines, and I'd know what the real purpose was--to get attention. Why do we stop doing what's out of style, and start doing what's in style? b/c being in style gets us attention.

Then they bought it for the wrong reasons. I don't agree with doing things for everyone else's approval/attention - especially people we don't know. I think it's unhealthy behavior unless it's a means to an end that's useful (a job, an event, someone we are actually dating long enough to care what they want to see, etc).

of course, there's an extra step--WHY get the attention.

You bet. Why indeed? Not enough as a child?

But this is a post about the neg, so we'll avoid that tangent, too. the neg breaks the cycle, and what breaks up the cycle...gets attention. assuming, again, that the target of the neg had any interest in the opinion of the negger.

Agreed.
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