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 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 25
HiPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
What's important isn't the short meet...longer date, etc. (although I also preferred the short meet with a glass of wine). It is that a man is considerate of a woman's concerns. We want to feel safe and secure. Some men are fully aware of this. They are conscious of meeting us where we want...the type of meet we want..etc. They respect that we may want totext another message...give out a phone number or not.

An aware man does not push back. To be frank...he is ceding everything to us. 100 to 0. They 'get it'. They understand that this particular woman may have had a not so nice first meet a man in which she felt very uncomfortable.

After the initial meet then absolutely I'm willing to drive to wherever, whenever, etc. to meet him again. Show my thanks. Bake him a pie. I should be expected to and do compromise. But...not until we have met previously in person.


I am willing to compromise and do something that a woman may like better than I do. However I should be able to least tolerate that activity. I'm not doing something that I dislike.

As for the length of the first date / meeting, I don't have any time limits. Play it by ear and see how it goes.
 Iam_RFSF2014
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 26
Hi
Posted: 10/16/2014 7:45:19 AM

What's important isn't the short meet...longer date, etc. (although I also preferred the short meet with a glass of wine). It is that a man is considerate of a woman's concerns.


I'll offer a slightly different perspective, since (the drum I like to bang on all the time) ALL women are not alike and ALL men are not alike.

What's important to me (who actually has had better results with 'longer dates' as first meets) is that I find someone where what works for them, works for me.

I'm not a game player or on a power trip (even the thought of that 2nd one makes me laugh for myself). Not every woman is. Maybe many are, but you are looking for one who is not.

Yes, there are best practices and what may work for the majority but what the heck happened to us being ourselves and trying to find someone who is a good fit for us? How nice would it be to eliminates the need to jump through hoops, follow a prescribed course, do something that WE are comfortable with that they aren't (or vice versa).
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 27
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Hi
Posted: 10/16/2014 8:31:30 AM
^^^ Iam

We were referring to to safety when we said 'comfortable'

I do not and would never compromise safety. Part of feeling safe is not only the setting but picking up signals. Is a man considerate? Empathetic'. Is he 'aware' that many women have this concern? Does he know to make a first meeting as easy feeling as possible?

This has nothing to do with being 'a good fit'. We all want a partner who is a good fit. I would have not met with a man who I felt would not be a good potential partner. Would you or most women? Being a good fit is not incompatible with a woman expecting to be in her comfort zone when meeting a complete stranger.
 Iam_RFSF2014
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 28
Hi
Posted: 10/16/2014 9:42:06 AM
I guess I was talking about 'short meet' vs 'long meet' and that sort of got merged with 'safety' in this conversation.

If I'm meeting someone in a public place, I don't see how 'dinner' is less 'safe' than 'coffee'.

It's a matter of how much time one wants to commit to in that case.

I don't KNOW a man well enough after exchanging a few messages or reading a profile to know if he's really a good potential partner. I suppose I'm odd that way - I generally err on the side of giving a variety of guys a chance. Nothing is real until one meets and I figure if I'm meeting in a public place, with my own transportation, etc - I'm safe.

However, a guy who treats a first meeting like a chore he just wants to get through, who wants to give me a thumbs up or down after 30 minutes over a coffee has generally NOT been a good fit FOR ME (I'm not talking about others, only that what works for me is not what works universally = that was my point).

Clearly the guys who want to meet at his place are ones I WON'T meet.
 gingham7
Joined: 7/26/2014
Msg: 29
Hi
Posted: 10/19/2014 11:25:29 AM
If somebody can't understand the wisdom of keeping it short and sweet on a first date, then I'm really NOT interested and even LESS so when he tries to "convince"me otherwise...


There isn't a general good or bad answer to this. I probably wouldn't have dated some of my previous boyfriends if I had to make a decision about them based on whether there was an immediate connection during a quick coffee date. I had first dates that started off somewhat slow or awkward. The chemistry or connection came a little bit later.
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